FabSwingers.com forum: Fear of being judged

By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

Whoelse has the fear of being judged while on the swinging scene?

For example, when I first went to a club, I had social anxieties and didn't do much socialising. I ended up feeling this fear of being judged on how I look. It made me think that I wasn't attractive and nobody wanted to talk to someone like me and it really got me down.

Four years later when I thought I had overcome that fear, it came back and ended up having a bad night.

How can this fear of being judged be overcome?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whoelse has the fear of being judged while on the swinging scene?

Four years later when I thought I had overcome that fear, it came back and ended up having a bad night.

How can this fear of being judged be overcome?"

Take people as you find them.

If they're stuck up then leave them to it, others are more ope. To chat. Mind you, some places are cliquey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it’s very easy to say but don’t chase others approval. We are sometimes our own worst enemy at judging our own self.

Remind yourself of the positive qualities you have.

The majority of time people judge what they don’t understand and what they can’t make sense of through limited perspectives. That’s to do with them and nothing to do with you…

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Whoelse has the fear of being judged while on the swinging scene?

Four years later when I thought I had overcome that fear, it came back and ended up having a bad night.

How can this fear of being judged be overcome?

Take people as you find them.

If they're stuck up then leave them to it, others are more ope. To chat. Mind you, some places are cliquey "

Due to my autism, I'm not good at reading social cues so can't really tell.

I would be at the bar most of the time and people I don't know would talk with others except me. It would make me feel invisible

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

Try and find ways to take the pressure off of yourself. Whether that is by getting out and meeting locals at socials, finding a comfortable club partner you can go with or dropping the expectations to play every time you go to.

Find what works for you OP and I hope you begin to find it enjoyable again.

Here to chat if necessary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Zero fucks given what anyone thinks of me. Where will worrying get you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try some positive affirmations before you go out - reinforce your beliefs in yourself, your abilities, your strengths, your attractiveness, etc...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Why do you feel you're being judged? Until you can identify the reason behind it you won't overcome it.

Bear in mind that judgement can be positive too and you could be judged to be attractive too

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Why do you feel you're being judged? Until you can identify the reason behind it you won't overcome it.

Bear in mind that judgement can be positive too and you could be judged to be attractive too "

I think it may be down to past experiences like being bullied at school for example.

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

I went to a club alone in Swindon a few months ago and at first felt quite comfortable and would have started to mix, until I noticed some very creepy behaviour from a lot of the other single guys in the club then I felt I would be judged as being as creepy. However when given chance to chat I can quickly reassure people I am of a relatively good character.

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By *aughty but nice...Man
over a year ago

Staffs

"I went to a club alone in Swindon a few months ago and at first felt quite comfortable and would have started to mix, until I noticed some very creepy behaviour from a lot of the other single guys in the club then I felt I would be judged as being as creepy. However when given chance to chat I can quickly reassure people I am of a relatively good character."

I worry about this too so far I've been in clubs with people I know but there will be a time no doubt where I will be in one alone and I've seen the behaviour of single guys in a club ...I just hope that most folk don't think that all single men are creepy ...there are some of us rather pleasant chaps out there

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Why do you feel you're being judged? Until you can identify the reason behind it you won't overcome it.

Bear in mind that judgement can be positive too and you could be judged to be attractive too

I think it may be down to past experiences like being bullied at school for example."

Things like that can be hard to overcome. Trust me though, people are usually way too preoccupied with themselves to be judging you for more than a few seconds.

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By *unandgamegeek OP Man
over a year ago

Bolton

"Why do you feel you're being judged? Until you can identify the reason behind it you won't overcome it.

Bear in mind that judgement can be positive too and you could be judged to be attractive too

I think it may be down to past experiences like being bullied at school for example.

Things like that can be hard to overcome. Trust me though, people are usually way too preoccupied with themselves to be judging you for more than a few seconds. "

That is true

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