FabSwingers.com forum: Am I wrong for this? Opinions please

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have been invited on a stag do by a friends brother and he is planning on making it a weekend festival as a surprise.

Now I have never been a fan of festivals so made my excuses and all I am getting is grief for it.

So I’m asking. If you are invited somewhere that will more than likely make you miserable do you go, just to keep people happy or do you avoid it?

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

No that’s kid shit

I get them wanting you there and being upset yoir not going

But the grief isn’t needed. It’s kid shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do stuff to make ME happy, not other people.

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By *athyperkinsCouple
over a year ago

lifton

"No thanks" is a complete sentence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do what makes you happy

It's your life..

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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Absolutely depends on the situation.

My best friend wants me to go to a nightclub on his stag do... I would take one on the chin.

Same friend wants a night club because it's a Friday night... He can jog on.

Hope you follow. Given your situation is it your friends... Or friend's brother who is the stag. I would say if it's the brother then make your excuses.

All the best

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By *iss.ddWoman
over a year ago

Leeds + Newcastle

I'd also measure how close a friend it is, to be honest

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Years ago I probably would have felt obliged to then spent ages dreading it and trying to think of an excuse. Nowadays though I won’t do things I don’t want to do. Took a while to get here though x

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

Since it's a brother of a friend I'd say it's fine to make your excuses, if it was actually your brother then that would be different.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Choosing to not go is a good choice if you know you'll be miserable.

Going along with it to be a friend is also a good choice.

Can you balance the misery of the event versus the misery of maybe feeling guilty later?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends how important these people are in your life.

Sometimes in life you have to do things to keep others happy.

Maybe if you explained your reasons they will understand

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"I have been invited on a stag do by a friends brother and he is planning on making it a weekend festival as a surprise.

Now I have never been a fan of festivals so made my excuses and all I am getting is grief for it.

So I’m asking. If you are invited somewhere that will more than likely make you miserable do you go, just to keep people happy or do you avoid it?

I don’t blame you OP. Festivals aren’t everyone’s idea of fun and they aren’t cheap either. I’ve been to plenty but only ever go for one day. Id rather not drink so that I can drive all the way home or I’ve stayed in a b&b before but would never camp.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Since it's a brother of a friend I'd say it's fine to make your excuses, if it was actually your brother then that would be different. "

And this, who is the groom and what does he mean to you?

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’d not go. Because if I’m miserable EVERYBODY would know about it

Stand your ground. You have your reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been invited on a stag do by a friends brother and he is planning on making it a weekend festival as a surprise.

Now I have never been a fan of festivals so made my excuses and all I am getting is grief for it.

So I’m asking. If you are invited somewhere that will more than likely make you miserable do you go, just to keep people happy or do you avoid it?

If you’re not that close to the stag (friend’s brother) then I would not sweat it OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I think there craziest invite I got involved shooting AK47s for a weekend somewhere in Eastern Europe.

I didn't go. We're still friends. Sort of

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been invited on a stag do by a friends brother and he is planning on making it a weekend festival as a surprise.

Now I have never been a fan of festivals so made my excuses and all I am getting is grief for it.

So I’m asking. If you are invited somewhere that will more than likely make you miserable do you go, just to keep people happy or do you avoid it?

I’ve had something similar this week. I’ve said no. And explained why. They were brilliant about it. Their response is their problem. It’s also January - who can afford to pay for weekends away that they don’t REALLY wanna book?! Too much pressure to socialise after two years of restrictions! Do what you want to do!!

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

As above. It’s your friends brother. Not your friend not your brother.

If you don’t want to go don’t go.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Whatever you decide OP will be correct.

There is no obvious right or wrong here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would of said straight easy that it's not my scene and offered to meet up at the pub or something else another time.

Leave them behaving like a kid stropping and ignore it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How close are you to your friend? It may be the only stag do he ever has and you may regret not going. Can you just go for the day and not camp overnight?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope you do what you want to do OP if they don't like it they ain't your mates and if they was they would know it's not your scene

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"No. I think there craziest invite I got involved shooting AK47s for a weekend somewhere in Eastern Europe."

Should have gone then could add 007 to your username

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't go anywhere I don't want to socially

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been invited on a stag do by a friends brother and he is planning on making it a weekend festival as a surprise.

Now I have never been a fan of festivals so made my excuses and all I am getting is grief for it.

So I’m asking. If you are invited somewhere that will more than likely make you miserable do you go, just to keep people happy or do you avoid it?

I had to miss a mate’s stag do because of a genuine work emergency and it has affected our relationship. I get his anger but, other than resign, I had no other option than to work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s depends entirely on your relationship with the groom. If he’s a close friend then I would say you have to go. If he’s more of an acquaintance then you don’t have to.

I’ve been a lot of places I wouldn’t usually go because it has made someone I care about happy. Some I’ve even ended up enjoying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the groom to be expected you'd be at his stag do and you've said why you won't be, then I think it's a wee bit petulant of you

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Depends who it was for. If it was family or a very close friend I would probably grin and bare it to be there but if it was a casual friend I'd politely decline. After organising a hen do myself I think they should be grateful of the decline rather than just being non-committal all the way through and dropping out last minute like most people seem to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on how close you are really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No not wrong ar all.

I got an invite on Friday to a stag do which I know a total of 2 people the groom and Danish's ex husband, I politely declined. Why would I want to put myself through putting up with people I don't know doing something I don't want to, just to keep someone else happy?

Doughnut

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

It would depend on how close a friend I was to the groom.

I have been known to skip family weddings when I didn't fancy it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the input everyone. I have some thinking to do.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Do things you want to do, not because you feel obligated to.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"I have been invited on a stag do by a friends brother and he is planning on making it a weekend festival as a surprise.

Now I have never been a fan of festivals so made my excuses and all I am getting is grief for it.

So I’m asking. If you are invited somewhere that will more than likely make you miserable do you go, just to keep people happy or do you avoid it?

I wouldn't go. I'm having a similar issue but I have to organise the stag do, his 3rd, and he wants to go to a northern English and to a dodgy hotel for 3 days of drinking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been invited on a stag do by a friends brother and he is planning on making it a weekend festival as a surprise.

Now I have never been a fan of festivals so made my excuses and all I am getting is grief for it.

So I’m asking. If you are invited somewhere that will more than likely make you miserable do you go, just to keep people happy or do you avoid it?

Nope. Do what you want. Its your life. Why allow others to dictate what you do or don't do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it depends on how close you are. If we were just friends then I'd apologise but tell them it's not my cup of tea. If we were super close and they'd really value me being there then I'd go even just for a few hours to show my face. But I'd go home and not be staying.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

A long break away should be viewed as more of an optional commitment for others generally. Unless there is an hidden factor here, a polite no thanks is satisfactory. You can share your gratitude with the stag another way.

The substantial contribution expected would reasonably be viewed as inappropriate to pressure anyone to undertake.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

""No thanks" is a complete sentence

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By *oddess NailaWoman
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

[Removed by poster at 16/01/22 20:25:01]

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By *oddess NailaWoman
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

I’ve been to plenty of Hens where it wasn’t my type of thing or I didn’t know many people but I went because it’s not about me but about showing them that I want to be a part of their celebration / happy memory.

I think too many people bail or don’t bother showing any willingness to compromise and that can be very disheartening to both the organiser and main stag/hen.

HOWEVER if money or time away is an issue then you can always suggest a local cheaper event for those that can’t make the main trip.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be honest and tell the how you feel!!

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I'd suck it up and fake my joy at being there. tbf my friends wouldn't invite me to something they know I wouldn't be happy at going to

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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago

In my happy place

Don't go.

Don't worry about it.

It's a wedding and you aren't the groom!

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

You could go, see how things pan out. You may enjoy it more than you thought. If not, arrange a phone call from someone with a situation you need to return home to.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I have been invited on a stag do by a friends brother and he is planning on making it a weekend festival as a surprise.

Now I have never been a fan of festivals so made my excuses and all I am getting is grief for it.

So I’m asking. If you are invited somewhere that will more than likely make you miserable do you go, just to keep people happy or do you avoid it?

If it’s a good friend I’d show my face but make it clear I’m not interested in the whole event, especially if they’re just getting wasted and doing hookers. I’ve done a few where I’ve flown in at like 7pm and got the first flight out next day. If it’s not a really good friend & I didn’t want to go I’d just decline and say sorry not my bag, transfer £100 for a round or something.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I'd just be honest and say I appreciate the invite but it's not really my thing so I won't be going but I hope you have a good time

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