FabSwingers.com forum: How do you feel about monogamy?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is being monogamous or non-monogamous part of you, as sexuality is? Or is it something that changes "sow your wild oats" and then settle down?

It is natural for people to be non-monogamous?

Are there different kinds of monogamy - emotional / sexual / romantic? How does it work for you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok. Not feeling much about monogamy

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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Non monogamy but with total consent is part of who I am now.

This isn't to say that the future might not change for us. It's open and fluid.

Up to 3 years ago it was all about monogamy.

If my partner decided she wanted to change, we would have a few long chats in our future but.... I'm open to it.

As for types of non monogamy. I tend to treat the people I meet as 'girlfriends'. I can be just as romantic, supporting and loving as if it were a primary focus relationship. Not a wham bam person but I'm sure there are plenty out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is being monogamous or non-monogamous part of you, as sexuality is? Or is it something that changes "sow your wild oats" and then settle down?

It is natural for people to be non-monogamous?

Are there different kinds of monogamy - emotional / sexual / romantic? How does it work for you?

I think it can change as people discover themselves.

Yes there are different kinds of monogamy - or cheating- emotional/ sexual/ romantic. It depends on the people in the relationship. Some people may be fine with some sexting. Some may see wanking over porn as cheating and the end of their monogamous relationship.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

Its not for me. I am polyamourous and have been all of my adult life

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

I like being in a monogamous relationship. And if that isn’t for someone then fine they can go and find someone else who is cool with them being non monogamous.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I like being in a monogamous relationship. And if that isn’t for someone then fine they can go and find someone else who is cool with them being non monogamous.

Yeah me too really. Not a fan of sharing (unless we’re both there)

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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Its not for me. I am polyamourous and have been all of my adult life

That's what I meant to refer to myself as....polyamourous.

But this is just new to me (well 3 years into discovery). Was just brought up totally conventual...

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

[Removed by poster at 14/01/22 17:00:29]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t like to share, although I enjoy sharing sexually when we’re together, emotionally, fuck no.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

It's pretty expensive. I go for Oak Veneer these days

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By *entative_steps7781Couple
over a year ago

Home

Although we are only just starting to explore non-monogamy, I feel pretty strongly that it has always been a part of who I am, I just went with monogomy as that is the societal expectation.

I think that expecting one person to fulfill all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, sexual) is a lot of pressure to put on one person, which is why this makes so much more sense to me

MJ x

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Serial monogamy would seem to describe most people, with Fab users having a shorter interval. Asking the forum users on a niche lifestyle may be limiting the sample group

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Personally I think it's a choice though some people arw better suited to one or the other.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'm ENM and poly in every sense of the word - romantically, sexually, emotionally. That doesn't mean I'll fall in love with everyone I meet, sometimes I just want to get my slut on.

If anything, the older I've got the more I've realised I'm not naturally monogamous and never have been. I wouldn't say that I could happily date several people, I don't have the headspace and energy for that. Nor the desire to. But I'm definitely capable of loving (in terms of romantic, I love most of my good friends) two people at once.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Non monogamy but with total consent is part of who I am now.

This isn't to say that the future might not change for us. It's open and fluid.

Up to 3 years ago it was all about monogamy.

If my partner decided she wanted to change, we would have a few long chats in our future but.... I'm open to it.

I would describe that as poly - do you not see yourself as poly? Or is your partner the only person you're romantically intimate with?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's pretty expensive. I go for Oak Veneer these days"

I had you down for bamboo

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I like ethical non-monogamy, but only of the physical kind...I don't share emotionally/romantically. To me, in that dynamic, sex with others is just a pleasurable physical act. I have and could be monogamous with the right person.

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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I would describe that as poly - do you not see yourself as poly? Or is your partner the only person you're romantically intimate with? "

Yes I corrected myself in a second post. Still trying to warm myself up after a sub zero run in hardly anything

I'm Poly.

I'm romantically involved in the relationships I'm in.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is being monogamous or non-monogamous part of you, as sexuality is? Or is it something that changes "sow your wild oats" and then settle down?

It is natural for people to be non-monogamous?

Are there different kinds of monogamy - emotional / sexual / romantic? How does it work for you?

I think it can change as people discover themselves.

Oh yes I hadn't even thought much about the boundaries between non-monogamy and cheating. It's quite noticeable on Fabs with swinging couples how precise those boundaries can be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t like to share, although I enjoy sharing sexually when we’re together, emotionally, fuck no. "

So you like some sharing but not if it crosses that line?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Although we are only just starting to explore non-monogamy, I feel pretty strongly that it has always been a part of who I am, I just went with monogomy as that is the societal expectation.

I think that expecting one person to fulfill all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, sexual) is a lot of pressure to put on one person, which is why this makes so much more sense to me

MJ x"

That's most often the reason I see people cite to explain why they're non-monogamous. For me it's because I want to be able to follow connections with people at different levels and not cut them off. Work in progress also!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

"I think that expecting one person to fulfill all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, sexual) is a lot of pressure to put on one person, "

I don’t get this. To me, if you’re in a relationship that is with someone who is compatible with you and it fulfils all the basics of a relationship at the start, then surely as it develops and the intimacy grows, surely you compliment each other.

You (general you, not you you) don’t use that person as an emotional crutch, you don’t smother them with neediness and insecurities, you have to be able to fulfil your own needs to a point, and they are just an extension of that? My sexual needs have never been that complex that I need a lot of people to fulfill that side of things. Give me a 15 minute shag at least three times a week and I’m golden.

If that all makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t like to share, although I enjoy sharing sexually when we’re together, emotionally, fuck no.

So you like some sharing but not if it crosses that line? "

I like to share physically, I enjoy watching him and him watching me.

If I wasn’t there I think I’d freak, and emotionally, I can’t share. I know that’s due to insecurity in my part, and I’m working on it, but I think it’s probably a bit late to change that now, and I don’t even think I want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that expecting one person to fulfill all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, sexual) is a lot of pressure to put on one person,

If that all makes sense? "

Makes sense to me.

Agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm monogamous. I was in a relationship with someone for almost 4 years. He claimed it was an open relationship as we met on a similar site like this. I was pregnant, my dad passed away. Cheated on me with someone, who he is now with. I had to watch him do things with other people because I had no choice.

That mentally fucked me up.

So no, no open or.poly relationships, I don't share.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that expecting one person to fulfill all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, sexual) is a lot of pressure to put on one person,

If that all makes sense?

Makes sense to me.

Agree.

Makes sense to me too

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By *anilla-sinCouple
over a year ago

lancs

Really interesting question, I feel I am monogamous because I only want W as my partner, no desire to have a relationship with anyone else, but we add extra to our sex life to please ourselves… so monogamous in a relationship sense but not in a sexual sense… a very subjective topic I think ….

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm ENM and poly in every sense of the word - romantically, sexually, emotionally. That doesn't mean I'll fall in love with everyone I meet, sometimes I just want to get my slut on.

I didn't realise that until I was in my late forties. I think being able to love more than one person is doable - it's finding people that are deserving. Im glad you have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like (I think) most people, I was brought up "normal", that's is contrained by the view that the only acceptable form of life is monogamy, and anything other than that to be cheating, or dirty, or wrong. It was only when I split up during the first lockdown that I even questioned that concept. I honestly hadn't thought about it in decades! Then I had an epiphany and it was like Stevie Wonder waking from an Eye transplant. I can now see the world in a completely different light, and will never be monogamous again. I do have an FWB at the moment and that's great, but I will never limit myself or be at someones beck and call. I really don't want anyone else to stay in my house to be honest - I have realised I'm selfish and love my own space and will never share it again. I now have a need to be able to do anything sexual that I want, that comes from years of repression - I'm free and will not be put back in the cage which monogamy brings.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t like to share, although I enjoy sharing sexually when we’re together, emotionally, fuck no.

So you like some sharing but not if it crosses that line?

I like to share physically, I enjoy watching him and him watching me.

You shouldn't need to force yourself to do that. X

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By *entative_steps7781Couple
over a year ago

Home

"I don’t get this. To me, if you’re in a relationship that is with someone who is compatible with you and it fulfils all the basics of a relationship at the start, then surely as it develops and the intimacy grows, surely you compliment each other.

If that all makes sense? "

It does make sense.

From my point of view, it's not about smothering your partner with neediness, it's accepting that there may be things that they need/want, that I cannot do for them. Of course each partner should be a whole person and meet the majority of their own needs, but there will be times when 1 partner is in need, and the other (for whatever reason) is unable to support them.

Using ourselves as an example, and talking about sexual needs, we are into kink, but there are aspects of it that S would like to explore, that do not interest me, but I want him to be able to express them (because I know he would enjoy them and it would make him happy). So I am happy for him to find someone who wants to explore that with him.

MJ x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think that expecting one person to fulfill all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, sexual) is a lot of pressure to put on one person,

If that all makes sense? "

I looked at this from another perspective - someone who meets our emotional and mental needs but doesn't really meet our sexual needs. See this all the time on Fabs. Partners who love each other but mismatched sex drives or tastes. A solution might be to let go of this idea that one person is perfect for it all?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer a nice bit of Ash or Maple HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"I prefer a nice bit of Ash or Maple HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Damn I was going to say in my opinion we should stop cutting down the rainforest

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Really interesting question, I feel I am monogamous because I only want W as my partner, no desire to have a relationship with anyone else, but we add extra to our sex life to please ourselves… so monogamous in a relationship sense but not in a sexual sense… a very subjective topic I think ….

Mrs x"

Very subjective. That's why it's interesting!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monogamy is as natural to me as breathing air.

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By *entative_steps7781Couple
over a year ago

Home

" A solution might be to let go of this idea that one person is perfect for it all? "

Agreed, I don't feel that 1 person is perfectly able to supprt me to meet every need/want all the time.

MJ x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm monogamous. I was in a relationship with someone for almost 4 years. He claimed it was an open relationship as we met on a similar site like this. I was pregnant, my dad passed away. Cheated on me with someone, who he is now with. I had to watch him do things with other people because I had no choice.

That mentally fucked me up.

So no, no open or.poly relationships, I don't share."

Can completely understand how you arrived at this. I'm sorry you had that experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's pretty expensive. I go for Oak Veneer these days"

Beat me to it lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm emotionally monogamous.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Like (I think) most people, I was brought up "normal", that's is contrained by the view that the only acceptable form of life is monogamy, and anything other than that to be cheating, or dirty, or wrong. It was only when I split up during the first lockdown that I even questioned that concept. I honestly hadn't thought about it in decades! Then I had an epiphany and it was like Stevie Wonder waking from an Eye transplant. I can now see the world in a completely different light, and will never be monogamous again. I do have an FWB at the moment and that's great, but I will never limit myself or be at someones beck and call. I really don't want anyone else to stay in my house to be honest - I have realised I'm selfish and love my own space and will never share it again. I now have a need to be able to do anything sexual that I want, that comes from years of repression - I'm free and will not be put back in the cage which monogamy brings."

I felt just the same when my LTR ended. Had not even thought about the alternative to monogamy for decades. I wish I had instead of following the pathway.

But whilst it's a cage for you - of course that doesn't mean it is for others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t like to share, although I enjoy sharing sexually when we’re together, emotionally, fuck no.

So you like some sharing but not if it crosses that line?

I like to share physically, I enjoy watching him and him watching me.

You shouldn't need to force yourself to do that. X"

I’m not at the mo

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure. "

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's pretty expensive. I go for Oak Veneer these days

Beat me to it lol"

Oh you guys...

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

All my relationships have been exclusive, it's just the way it's always been. I have no intention of being in another though and I like the freedom I have being single and not having to tell someone what I'm doing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion "

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

nr southend

For year I was told that the only way to love someone is to be theirs and only theirs and grew up with monogamy and the whole you can only love one person at a time societal norm engrained into me, the problem was even in my teens this never really felt right to me, like a part of me was not happy. Now I will be honest and you can judge me as much as you like because my past is mine and mistakes were made which I do feel bad for, but long story short i stumbled upon an article on a fetish site in my late twenties that was about polyamory and suddenly something clicked into place and i realised that the feelings the article spoke about were what i had always felt, so i began looking into polyamory as a lifestyle choice and have honestly never looked back since then.

I do feel that I am "wired" to be polyamorous and as much as it can be hard work and really painful at times it also brings me so much happiness and joy especially when I have a poly partner and see the happiness on their face when they find new partners or the happiness they feel seeing me find another love intrest, Bruni have to say that it's not for everyone and can end in a fiery mess without the communication and openness that is so so important in any relationship

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings. "

I don’t think someone not wanting their partner to fuck other people can be classed as jealousy though.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

nr southend

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings. "

This is so true jealousy normally happens because something else in the relationship needs addressing

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I think I’m naturally monogamous , I enjoy swinging , have done so as a married woman and now single and it is fun. This said it isn’t a way of life for me, I could easily settle in a happy vanilla relationship should I get involved with a non swinger.

What I couldn’t do is share my life partner emotionally/romantically and I’ve never been smitten with more than one person at a time so polyamory is not for me.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

nr southend

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings.

I don’t think someone not wanting their partner to fuck other people can be classed as jealousy though. "

No it could be that they are wired to be monogamous and noting will change that

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings.

I don’t think someone not wanting their partner to fuck other people can be classed as jealousy though.

No it could be that they are wired to be monogamous and noting will change that "

Yeah. Nothing to do with jealousy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings.

I don’t think someone not wanting their partner to fuck other people can be classed as jealousy though. "

The context was people agreeing to an open relationship of some kind and then being hit with those feelings. See it on the swinging forum threads a bit - people think they're ok with it and then wham! But I agree we often ascribe things to jealousy when it's actually other emotions.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings.

I don’t think someone not wanting their partner to fuck other people can be classed as jealousy though.

Yeah I can understand that. Trying it and realising you’re not ok with it.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

nr southend

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings.

I don’t think someone not wanting their partner to fuck other people can be classed as jealousy though.

No it could be that they are wired to be monogamous and noting will change that

Yeah. Nothing to do with jealousy. "

Not in that situation no, but then they are not really the sort of people found within the swinging scene often, as was said above mileage may very and like I said non monogamy is definitely not for everyone in my opinion, whilst I can see the point that I think was trying to be made about people being happier if they where non monogamous I think it would ever only work if they are wired to be non monogamous in the first place and it would have to be both parties in complete and utter agreement otherwise it with cause not jealousy but resentment if either feels they are being forced either way, I have seen this and seen it end in nothing but lain and sadness often for both parties

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I’m monogamous - it’s simpler for starters! (Just like me)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings.

I don’t think someone not wanting their partner to fuck other people can be classed as jealousy though.

Yeah I can understand that. Trying it and realising you’re not ok with it. "

I was in the middle of something (with two others) and realised I had those feelings. But that was the lack of communication and resolved itself. And I am a big believer in reframing concepts so I can come to terms with them. Eg love isn't finite - if my partner loves someone else, there is still enough love for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've done monogamy, I couldn't do it again. I like ENM, Poly was a new discovery for me in the last couple of years and I've realised that it works for me. I can have relationships on different levels at the same time. I'm not always in love with everyone I'm having sex with but the possibility is there.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Monogamy is not for me.

Other people's mileage may very, but I genuinely believe a lot of people would be much, much happier being non-monogamous, but just never try it due to external social pressure.

I think lots of people think they might be, until someone fucks their partner

Jealous is a strong emotion

Jealousy is a toxic emotion. And I think people can learn to tackle the reasons behind their jealous feelings.

I don’t think someone not wanting their partner to fuck other people can be classed as jealousy though.

No it could be that they are wired to be monogamous and noting will change that

Yeah. Nothing to do with jealousy.

Oh god yeah. I definitely am. So much so I can’t even get my head around it! Especially in a long term marriage or relationship. Definitely not for me.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Ethical non monogamy for me please.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Teak looks better.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

nr southend

"I’m monogamous - it’s simpler for starters! (Just like me)

Your not wrong it is much simpler but for me it became more complicated than polyamory constantly trying to deny my feelings and be something I wasnt or being a stupid idiot and hurting peoples feelings by following my heart (I don't do this now)

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By *orkshrCplCouple
over a year ago

Ripon

We were both monogomous. After experiencing a poly relationship we realised this is something possibly for us. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monogamous. I don't share my toys.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Does anyone relate to "monogamish"? Means playing around from time to time with agreed rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never been comfortable with monogamy.

I'm very insecure though so although I'd be happy for my partner to play away it would niggle at me.

At the moment I'm just happy to have sex as and when.

Did have my eyes opened to maybe a cuck sort of relationship where he gets off on me playing with others.

Unlikely to find anyone that would want to keep me but it's nice to think there are options and things are changing, different relationships are becoming slightly more normal.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Never been comfortable with monogamy.

I'm very insecure though so although I'd be happy for my partner to play away it would niggle at me.

At the moment I'm just happy to have sex as and when.

Did have my eyes opened to maybe a cuck sort of relationship where he gets off on me playing with others.

Unlikely to find anyone that would want to keep me but it's nice to think there are options and things are changing, different relationships are becoming slightly more normal. "

There have always been options. And if you want to find someone who will stick around, I wish you luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'm more monogamous than not. I don't think I could have more than one romantic or emotional relationship at a time. Sexually it's possible if it's agreed and open, although in my experience my desire for that wanes when I've met someone I really connect with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my youth I sowed enough wild oats to fill a weetabix factory. Whilst it was fun, it was unfulfilling, and as I got older I enjoyed the emotional intimacy of monogamy. Also, sharing an evolving sexuality with one person is more fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There have always been options. And if you want to find someone who will stick around, I wish you luck. "

Yes but while the options were there, seeing them or realising they were their is difficult.

Not sure if the last bit is a bit barbed or just me reading it wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it would have been possible to experience the type of relationship I have with my wife in any other sort of arrangement.

With two of you it's possible to have complete trust. I doubt that would have developed if it hadn't been just us.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I'm very happy to be monogamous but I wouldn't expect my parter to be.

Honesty, consent and loyalty is way more important.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There have always been options. And if you want to find someone who will stick around, I wish you luck.

Yes but while the options were there, seeing them or realising they were their is difficult.

Not sure if the last bit is a bit barbed or just me reading it wrong.

Barbed? No of course not! I was reacting to you saying you didn't think anyone would - I don't know if this is the place to find that, but I hope that you do. Sincerely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Serial monogamy would seem to describe most people, with Fab users having a shorter interval. Asking the forum users on a niche lifestyle may be limiting the sample group

From a pragmatic point of view, serial monogamy makes the most sense to me.

I'm often curious about how people manage to juggle more than one meaningful intimate relationship as well as work, friends, kids and all the other demands on time

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

That mentally fucked me up.

So no, no open or.poly relationships, I don't share."

I’m really sorry you had to suffer that mental and emotional abuse. I hope you are doing better now. And it’s good you have clear boundaries, hopefully you can find someone who respects them.

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

I’ve only been in monogamous relationships. I’m not sure how I’d feel about being in a non monogamous dynamic, part of me likes to think that now I’m older & wiser and know myself better that I’m more fluid about relationships but I’ll never know for sure unless I end up in a new relationship and it becomes a discussion point.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think it would have been possible to experience the type of relationship I have with my wife in any other sort of arrangement.

With two of you it's possible to have complete trust. I doubt that would have developed if it hadn't been just us."

I don't know why you'd think complete trust can't be had if there is more than two? Relationships between couples fail all the time because of lack of trust - it's not the number of people, it's the communication and honesty that matters.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my youth I sowed enough wild oats to fill a weetabix factory. Whilst it was fun, it was unfulfilling, and as I got older I enjoyed the emotional intimacy of monogamy. Also, sharing an evolving sexuality with one person is more fun."

Can you acknowledge that emotional intimacy isn't solely found in monogamy?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I don't think it would have been possible to experience the type of relationship I have with my wife in any other sort of arrangement.

With two of you it's possible to have complete trust. I doubt that would have developed if it hadn't been just us."

On the contrary, ethical non-monogamy requires an exceptional amount of trust to work.

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By *av3r1ckMan
over a year ago

Northampton

I'm non monogamous sexually. I mean having a threesome, full swap or other fun when we both are at the same place is OK for me , but when it comes to emotional relationship, love - I'm NOT SHARING.

"Is being monogamous or non-monogamous part of you, as sexuality is? Or is it something that changes "sow your wild oats" and then settle down?

It is natural for people to be non-monogamous?

Are there different kinds of monogamy - emotional / sexual / romantic? How does it work for you?

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By *leanor1717Woman
over a year ago

Gillingham

I've recently discovered the term solo polyamorous and when I read the definition I realised that's exactly how I identify and there's a name for how I've been living my life for the last 3 years. Independent and not relying on any one person for anything, but having significant connections and emotional bonds with several people. But the main relationship is with myself, putting myself and my family first above a romantic relationship/partner. Atm this is right for me

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm open minded and flexible. If consent and understanding with partnerz exists, then I am open to anything, except cheating

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I think it was probably introduced for a variety of reasons, mostly related to male insecurity although it may well have been a valuable public health measure to control the spread of disease as well.

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By *av3r1ckMan
over a year ago

Northampton

Makes a perfect sense to me.

Maybe I'm perfectionist (which I am), but I don't settle for something average + sidekicks to fulfill all my needs.

If it makes any sense...

"I think that expecting one person to fulfill all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, sexual) is a lot of pressure to put on one person,

If that all makes sense? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a relationship I prefer monogamy…. I’m not one for sharing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been together 30 yrs so guess that counts as monogamous.

Just like to add a naughty lady to the mix now and then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've recently discovered the term solo polyamorous and when I read the definition I realised that's exactly how I identify and there's a name for how I've been living my life for the last 3 years. Independent and not relying on any one person for anything, but having significant connections and emotional bonds with several people. But the main relationship is with myself, putting myself and my family first above a romantic relationship/partner. Atm this is right for me

I've leaned towards that myself, still figuring it out but it sounds like a very happy setup for you!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Makes a perfect sense to me.

Maybe I'm perfectionist (which I am), but I don't settle for something average + sidekicks to fulfill all my needs.

If it makes any sense...

I think that expecting one person to fulfill all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, sexual) is a lot of pressure to put on one person,

If that all makes sense? "

There is no need for average whether you're mono or non-mono! I have a strong perfectionist streak but I'm not sure how a relationship could ever be perfect .

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Emotionally monogamous. I can’t do meaningful relationships with more than one person. But sexually. No thanks.

V x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Been together 30 yrs so guess that counts as monogamous.

Just like to add a naughty lady to the mix now and then

Monogamish?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think it would have been possible to experience the type of relationship I have with my wife in any other sort of arrangement.

With two of you it's possible to have complete trust. I doubt that would have developed if it hadn't been just us.

Like I already said. I very much doubt that's true and as yet I haven't seen any examples of what you claim.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Been together 30 yrs so guess that counts as monogamous.

Just like to add a naughty lady to the mix now and then

Monogamish?

Think that describes what we do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it was probably introduced for a variety of reasons, mostly related to male insecurity although it may well have been a valuable public health measure to control the spread of disease as well.

I don't actually know the background to be fair. I've been trying to Wade through The Ethical Slut but I don't recall a history chapter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like being in a monogamous relationship. And if that isn’t for someone then fine they can go and find someone else who is cool with them being non monogamous.

This. I want to be someone's everything and them mine.

I've spent too long being 2nd best

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think it would have been possible to experience the type of relationship I have with my wife in any other sort of arrangement.

With two of you it's possible to have complete trust. I doubt that would have developed if it hadn't been just us.

Like I already said. I very much doubt that's true and as yet I haven't seen any examples of what you claim."

Do you know anyone in real life who is poly or ENM to disprove what I and others "claim"? No-one on this thread has dismissed monogamy yet you're dismissing the alternative?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Prefer pine...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Prefer pine..."

You’re so 80’s!

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

nr southend

"I don't think it would have been possible to experience the type of relationship I have with my wife in any other sort of arrangement.

With two of you it's possible to have complete trust. I doubt that would have developed if it hadn't been just us.

So much this

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Prefer pine...

You’re so 80’s!"

I know I should have went with oak or something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

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By *av3r1ckMan
over a year ago

Northampton

That perfectly reflects me too. Thanks for formulating it do clearly.

Mrs x"

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

Haha yep! I often think I’m so glad I was born when I was. It’s all too complicated now with all these new words.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

That's pretty dismissive. It's more than fooling around. They're proper relationships. There's just the removal of the expectation of the "natural progression" to things like moving in together or marriage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently "

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships. "

She didn’t say that to be fair

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

She didn’t say that to be fair "

She did. Twice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships. "

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it "

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No-one on this thread has dismissed monogamy"

Indeed

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

Typed by someone above in the crowd...

"but I will never limit myself or be at someones beck and call"

That could be the reason a relationship breaks up! If you see it in those terms, you are bound to be lonely in your relationship. We don't really do labels, but for the sake of this post....

We are monogamous when we want to be and not when we can find a couple who see past ages and want some fun.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations. "

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know why you'd think complete trust can't be had if there is more than two? Relationships between couples fail all the time because of lack of trust - it's not the number of people, it's the communication and honesty that matters.

So much this

I'm sceptical of it because firstly I've never seen it and secondly it's difficult enough to obtain that between two people, let alone more.

I'm not saying people shouldn't try. But I doubt it would have worked for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

She didn’t say that to be fair

She did. Twice. "

I'm going to go with Lacey here. It was a dismissive comment about a different way of approaching relationships. Multiple relationships are no less valid or "proper" than traditional monogamous couples. To refer to them as "fooling around" is dismissive when it's been made clear that's not the setup.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say. "

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong. "

Not in as many words. But I don't blame Lacey for reacting to a very dismissive comment.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong. "

I'm going to start going around telling people in monogamous relationships that they're actually single and their relationships aren't real and see where that gets me

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong.

Not in as many words. But I don't blame Lacey for reacting to a very dismissive comment. "

Yeah fair enough. I wasn’t being argumentative I just know we do all define things differently sometimes.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong.

I'm going to start going around telling people in monogamous relationships that they're actually single and their relationships aren't real and see where that gets me

. "

. I think I’m just not a fan of all these labels. I just do me. I’m not really bothered about other people’s views on it so it never gets to me. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm instinctively monogamous. I think. I don't know. I'd need a lot of conversation

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By *iggyStarjumpsMan
over a year ago

Stockport

My last relationship was as a secondary in a poly dynamic. I really enjoyed it and the open communication it engendered. I'm not sure how I would define myself now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going to start going around telling people in monogamous relationships that they're actually single and their relationships aren't real and see where that gets me

. "

But I don't think you're of an age to recall when monogamy meant that

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong.

I'm going to start going around telling people in monogamous relationships that they're actually single and their relationships aren't real and see where that gets me

. I think I’m just not a fan of all these labels. I just do me. I’m not really bothered about other people’s views on it so it never gets to me. x"

That's fine and you don't have to ever use the labels but what actually happened there was removing the new label and replacing it with one (single) that's actually completely inaccurate. New labels tend to be for things that previously just had no name. It's fine to continue not to name things if people don't want to but it's not ok to apply inaccurate labels to people against their will just because you may be more comfortable with that label.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong.

Not in as many words. But I don't blame Lacey for reacting to a very dismissive comment.

Yeah fair enough. I wasn’t being argumentative I just know we do all define things differently sometimes. "

I guess we all know that this is often how non-monogamy/poly is seen by people - not valid. Impossible that people can share a bond with more than one person. There has been reference to trust and intimacy, intimating that they can only truly exist between a couple.

But not so many years back, the world didn't believe that two men should share that or two women.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm going to start going around telling people in monogamous relationships that they're actually single and their relationships aren't real and see where that gets me

But I don't think you're of an age to recall when monogamy meant that

When monogamy meant what?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong.

Not in as many words. But I don't blame Lacey for reacting to a very dismissive comment.

Yeah fair enough. I wasn’t being argumentative I just know we do all define things differently sometimes.

But not so many years back, the world didn't believe that two men should share that or two women. "

I don’t think it’s not valid. I don’t think anything is not valid as long as it’s legal and consensual. It would be impossible for me though. And the last paragraph - yes very true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On the other foot ... my bestie has always been (not sure regarding labels as they're all pretty new) not into traditional relationships but at 53 has found "her significant partner in crime" and is now happily very very happily monogamous and for the first time ever looking forward to the future with another person solely

And it is beautiful to watch in all honesty ... just goes to show that we can all change and evolve from one thing to another

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In the olden days of my younger years, I think we just called that single but fooling around with a few people

They're perhaps 'proper relationships ' by how you define what a relationship is. Hopefully you can accept that others might choose to define it differently

You don't get to define other people's relationships.

No, I don’t. But I do get to have my own interpretation of it

That’s what I thought you meant. Referring to “proper relationship” different interpretations.

I could "interpret" that one of your friendships wasn't a "proper friendship". It doesn't really give any weight to what I have to say or change the fact its a bit of a dick thing to say.

So people interpreting things different way is being a dick? Nobody’s said what other people do is wrong.

Not in as many words. But I don't blame Lacey for reacting to a very dismissive comment.

Yeah fair enough. I wasn’t being argumentative I just know we do all define things differently sometimes.

But not so many years back, the world didn't believe that two men should share that or two women.

I don’t think it’s not valid. I don’t think anything is not valid as long as it’s legal and consensual. It would be impossible for me though. And the last paragraph - yes very true. "

And with regards to the “proper relationship” thing. How many times is it on a profile, I’m looking for FWBs not a proper relationship or in threads, I’m not looking for a proper relationship etc. I think most of those people are defining it the same way I am.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Honest to goodness I don't have a clue what label I'd put on me. I've always been monogamous in relationships, I've even been called serially monogamous.

But I have a big heart, and I know that I can give a piece of it to more than one person at a time, I do that with friends. Could that extend to more than one relationship? I don't know. But if I don't know.... no one else can know.

That is relationships though. I've no issue with having a couple of friends with whom I share the sexy time, and if they're doing the same with other friends then that's not my business, as long as we are honest about it.

I really don't like labels for me, but that's probably at least partly to do with not knowing how I want to be labelled. Other people labelling themselves.... rock on. I'm kinda envious.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

I’d be a hypocrite to say I’m monogamous given my situation but on here looking for one person who would be interested in something longer term rather than having a random bloke burying his face in her ass … not sure it exists but I live in hope

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I’d be a hypocrite to say I’m monogamous given my situation but on here looking for one person who would be interested in something longer term rather than having a random bloke burying his face in her ass … not sure it exists but I live in hope "

Ever thought about changing your location?

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

Ever thought about changing your location?

Often lol x