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Vanilla

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Is it possible, I wonder, once having been exposed to the frolics and fun of the scene... to go back to a vanilla relationship?

I am not talking about telling your new partner about your previsou life style. I am curious about whether having been there... one could be really happy in a conventional relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes in my opinion, I think it is possible.

If either M or I felt that swinging was not right for us any longer, we would stop, and go back to a vanilla relationship.

Life together would carry on and we would be as happy as we are now.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Interesting thought. I think I might have trouble with that! Almost addicted to having the few kinks I have!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/10/12 14:20:03]

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By *ighclassfunMan
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Is it possible, I wonder, once having been exposed to the frolics and fun of the scene... to go back to a vanilla relationship?

I am not talking about telling your new partner about your previsou life style. I am curious about whether having been there... one could be really happy in a conventional relationship? "

What is a vanilla relationship? If it's plain it's not working?

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Yes in my opinion, I think it is possible.

If either M or I felt that swinging was not right for us any longer, we would stop, and go back to a vanilla relationship.

Life together would carry on and we would be as happy as we are now."

I share that understanding, too. Having said that if one was to start a new relationship with another partner... how difficult would it be to then let go of the wicked ways of the scene?

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Is it possible, I wonder, once having been exposed to the frolics and fun of the scene... to go back to a vanilla relationship?

I am not talking about telling your new partner about your previsou life style. I am curious about whether having been there... one could be really happy in a conventional relationship?

What is a vanilla relationship? If it's plain it's not working?"
Sorry, I apologise - not everybody uses the term. To me "vanilla" is a conventional = non swinging relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think i could yes but who knows as know quite a few who leave fab and come back again xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it possible, I wonder, once having been exposed to the frolics and fun of the scene... to go back to a vanilla relationship?

I am not talking about telling your new partner about your previsou life style. I am curious about whether having been there... one could be really happy in a conventional relationship? "

I am not sure I could, but then our relationship never started off as a vanilla one.

Swinging is not just about the sex, but also about the lifestyle, inc parties etc, with like minded folks! I find it all very liberating

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"i think i could yes but who knows as know quite a few who leave fab and come back again xxxx"
That is what I was wondering xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I think more people than less will struggle with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I ever started a new relationship that was totally vanilla (never going to happen lol) and walked away from the lifestyle, i know i would eventually miss it.

In my _iew it would be like going back to burgers when you are used to steak!

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

Swinging is not just about the sex, but also about the lifestyle, inc parties etc, with like minded folks! I find it all very liberating "

That is where I find myself - and for me it really is not just about sex.... it is about everything that makes it so much fun. And I also know of, and have experienced myself... the genuine forming of friendships in the scene that was incredibly supportive in times that were not so good.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"If I ever started a new relationship that was totally vanilla (never going to happen lol) and walked away from the lifestyle, i know i would eventually miss it.

In my _iew it would be like going back to burgers when you are used to steak!"
I agree and I am so glad you compared burgers and steaks rather than sausages and meatballs...;-)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes in my opinion, I think it is possible.

If either M or I felt that swinging was not right for us any longer, we would stop, and go back to a vanilla relationship.

Life together would carry on and we would be as happy as we are now.

I share that understanding, too. Having said that if one was to start a new relationship with another partner... how difficult would it be to then let go of the wicked ways of the scene? "

Again I think if you are forming a new relationship and in your "honey moon" period, swinging would not be important to me, forming the roots of that relationship and bond with my new partner would be more important to me than nsa fun.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Yes in my opinion, I think it is possible.

If either M or I felt that swinging was not right for us any longer, we would stop, and go back to a vanilla relationship.

Life together would carry on and we would be as happy as we are now.

I share that understanding, too. Having said that if one was to start a new relationship with another partner... how difficult would it be to then let go of the wicked ways of the scene?

Again I think if you are forming a new relationship and in your "honey moon" period, swinging would not be important to me, forming the roots of that relationship and bond with my new partner would be more important to me than nsa fun."
I can see the sense and the importance of that... totally. I guess it depends a little bit on how much the scene has meant to somebody before they start that relationship, how many friends they have in the scene that they dont want to give up (sexually or otherwise), From your stance, which sounds a really healthy one, the scene would at least temporarily drop into the background.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

Easily, but then I'm just a single male and haven't really been in the scene as a couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes in my opinion, I think it is possible.

If either M or I felt that swinging was not right for us any longer, we would stop, and go back to a vanilla relationship.

Life together would carry on and we would be as happy as we are now.

I share that understanding, too. Having said that if one was to start a new relationship with another partner... how difficult would it be to then let go of the wicked ways of the scene?

Again I think if you are forming a new relationship and in your "honey moon" period, swinging would not be important to me, forming the roots of that relationship and bond with my new partner would be more important to me than nsa fun.I can see the sense and the importance of that... totally. I guess it depends a little bit on how much the scene has meant to somebody before they start that relationship, how many friends they have in the scene that they dont want to give up (sexually or otherwise), From your stance, which sounds a really healthy one, the scene would at least temporarily drop into the background. "

Yes absolutely, I think also regardless of the sexual side of it, if M and I closed our a/c on here, we would still want to stay in contact with who we consider to be our friends.

Similarly if I entered a new relationship, I would be honest enough to say to the new partner of my prior sexual lifestyle before I met them, and I would still again want to keep in contact with people I like, if only just for a chat and a drink.

M might be having heart failure reading this, a new man Lol

In all seriousness though, I am very happy with M, we have a very strong bond, we of course have ups and downs like most married people, but the day that swinging became more important than our love for one another is the day I'd stop altogether.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"Easily, but then I'm just a single male and haven't really been in the scene as a couple."

Same with single women. For me it is the multiple partners and the kinky side. Doubt whether I could go back to vanilla.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I couldn't go back to vanilla, any new man entering my life, would have to be from the scene also

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

In all seriousness though, I am very happy with M, we have a very strong bond, we of course have ups and downs like most married people, but the day that swinging became more important than our love for one another is the day I'd stop altogether.

"
I completely agree

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

No i dont think i could adjust.

This is the reason why. Ive never been in a conventional relationship, ive been swinging most of my adult life. I met jay through swinging and even if you took the act of having sex with other people out of the equation its by know means conventional.

To me swinging is a mindset, not necessarily the act of swinging but the sexual openness.

We dont talk or swing lots of the time but its always there in the background. We both share the same mindset, so even if we never participated in the act we would still have the same mind set that we both have and the only way to change that is to irradicate it from my mind.

If for some reason neither of us could participate in the act of swinging that would be fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single female i wouldnt want a swinging relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'd struggle to tell a partner about my past life... I'd could easily go into a relationship, but I agree about the 'honeymoon' period... He/she would have to be something very special for me to settle down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I can't, in that I do not believe I can settle down with just one person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know I can't, in that I do not believe I can settle down with just one person. "

What she said!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

i wouldnt rule out swinging as part of a relationship if i was ever lucky enouh to find someone but i think its important to work on strong foundations of a relationship.

If the person i was with decided swinging wasnt for them i would stop, but i would probably not leave fab as i find the people on here on the whole very welcoming and it is easy to raise topics on here that 'vanilla' friends would perhaps not be so comfortable talking about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes in our opinion, it is possible.

If either of us felt that swinging was not right for us any longer, we would stop, and go back to a vanilla relationship.

Life together would carry on and we would be as happy as we are now."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sometimes feels like an addiction, does anyone else feel like that?

So I suspect it would always be there like a craving.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sometimes feels like an addiction, does anyone else feel like that?

So I suspect it would always be there like a craving."

I find the forums addictive, not swinging at all, no.

Even if M and I did not meet anyone, or go to clubs, I'd still want to post on here lol

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

I tried to revert back to a traditional relationship and bit me in the ass as it were. Think no swingers have a preconception of what swingers are like and they really find it hard to think we could go back to the "norm".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I could take time out and see how it goes. I would love to explore the scene as a couple, but would need to be secure in my relationship first.

If the other didn't want to swing, I would live with that if I loved them enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no chance that I couldn't swing. Couldn't have a vanilla relationship, I'm a swinger and proud and I couldn't imagine not going to clubs, meets and not having fab.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"There's no chance that I couldn't swing. Couldn't have a vanilla relationship, I'm a swinger and proud and I couldn't imagine not going to clubs, meets and not having fab. "

I am wondering whether it is not just about having multiple partners for sex... I think being in the scene is about much more than that (well for me anyway) - I think I would perhaps struggle with the concept of jealousy (in my partner) and also with (his) lack of understanding of what it is to be a swinger.

I guess we all take different things from the scene.. and that is possibly the bottom line?

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