FabSwingers.com forum: As a single girl on FAB

By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

I thought I would write a little piece explaining what it’s like to be a single girl on fab, and what my expectations are when it comes to messages I receive. I may not represent all the opinions of women on this site, but I expect a fair few have similar experiences and feel the same.

I get up to 100 messages a day. I am a bbw so probably not the type for all men. I imagine slim women may receive even more than that, who knows?

I cannot physically read that many messages or respond to that many messages, so I have to be quite cut throat and delete the ones that don’t appeal straight away. Here is how I determine which ones to delete:

- I want people to have put the effort in and read my profile, so I have a word which I ask to be put in the title of the message. If they haven’t used that word then it’s an instant delete.

- do they have a photo of themselves or have they attached any to the message? If not, then they’re deleted.

- is the message more than just a ‘hi how are you’?. I want to be excited to read your message, asking me how I am just isn’t engaging and shows no effort whatsoever. Deleted.

- messages that say ‘I’ll keep this short as I don’t know what to write’. They will get deleted. If you can’t put effort into a first message, what kind of effort do you put in elsewhere?

- descriptions of what you want to do to me will get deleted. I want to get to know YOU, and I want you to get to know ME. I don’t want some cut and paste description of you licking my pussy thank you.

- poor spelling and grammar will likely get you deleted. As well as text talk. I am looking for someone who makes an effort, and aside from those who have dyslexia and who may struggle, there really is no excuse. Woo me, please!!

- messages that say they’re in the area and fancy a shag. Instant delete, I am not a piece of meat.

- I may just not find you attractive. I hate saying this because it sounds mean, but when receiving so many messages, it can simply come down to whether there is an attraction there or not. If you have ticked all the other boxes but I don’t fancy you, I will politely tell you.

Taking it personally and coming back with abuse just isn’t fair, and will get you blocked.

A lot of men feel like they are entitled to a reply because they have sent a message. This is not the case I am sorry to say. It just isn’t possible to reply to that many people. Please don’t take that personally.

Lastly, just think of this. I am looking at my phone screen and I have a full screen of new yellow messages. What would make me want to look at yours over anyone else’s? All I can see is your pfp, the heading and the first few words of the text. That’s the way you grab someone’s attention, in those 3 ways. Make it count

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope some guys read this. Is it linked on your profile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hope some guys read this. Is it linked on your profile? "

But just read it, don’t publicly agree, because then you’re just ingratiating yourself…

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

I’m interested in other peoples thoughts if they want to agree or disagree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hope some guys read this. Is it linked on your profile?

But just read it, don’t publicly agree, because then you’re just ingratiating yourself…"

It's ok. I've got a badge too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah unfortunately I delete 95% of my messages without opening them purely based on the 3 things you mentioned - profile pic, subject and the first few words that you see.

Then, out of the 5% that I do actually open, I don’t respond or I delete most of those too.

It’s a hard life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wait, so “Dick pic attached” isn’t a good subject for a message?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try and think of this all the time.

Whether we like it or not, a message/profile/pic is an advert, a piece of marketing - need to consider why I/you should be the chosen one....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought I would write a little piece explaining what it’s like to be a single girl on fab, and what my expectations are when it comes to messages I receive. I may not represent all the opinions of women on this site, but I expect a fair few have similar experiences and feel the same.

I get up to 100 messages a day. I am a bbw so probably not the type for all men. I imagine slim women may receive even more than that, who knows?

- I want people to have put the effort in and read my profile, so I have a word which I ask to be put in the title of the message. If they haven’t used that word then it’s an instant delete.

- do they have a photo of themselves or have they attached any to the message? If not, then they’re deleted.

- is the message more than just a ‘hi how are you’?. I want to be excited to read your message, asking me how I am just isn’t engaging and shows no effort whatsoever. Deleted.

- messages that say ‘I’ll keep this short as I don’t know what to write’. They will get deleted. If you can’t put effort into a first message, what kind of effort do you put in elsewhere?

- messages that say they’re in the area and fancy a shag. Instant delete, I am not a piece of meat.

Taking it personally and coming back with abuse just isn’t fair, and will get you blocked.

My grammar is atrocious but I’m definitely not dropping a txt to try impress !

Just keep the faith I know it’s tough but I’m sure out of the 100’s of mails you get a day you might find that needle

all the best

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"Wait, so “Dick pic attached” isn’t a good subject for a message?

"
I’m not opposed to a dick pick if all the other boxes have been ticked. I’m on fab after all, I would be fibbing if I said I didn’t like the cock.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Unfortunately the men who most need to read this probably also won't be arsed to read the forums. Nor will they follow a link. But OP clear and concise and I agree with all of it.

There are some wonderful men out there who send interesting messages. They always get a response from me. But due to volumes that some women get, it will get lost in the shuffle which is such a shame and must be very disheartening for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often use a phrase about living life on the easiest difficulty setting. As a straight white professional male things don’t get much easier. Having a sense of understanding that others have it worse than you doesn’t mean you have an agenda to gain some sort of benefit from that imbalance. I get frustrated on here, of course, sometimes I feel I’ve been treated harshly, but I try not to complain. Because I know that even on here, as the aforementioned straight white male I still get a lot less abuse, harassment, inconvenience, nonsense and irritation than most other demographics. And if this is the one place on earth where women have the upper hand over men in terms of outcomes (whether we have sex), then complaining about it seems a pretty big tell on the sort of person you are

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Reduced to a profile picture, a message title and the first 3 words of your message

Better really get working on those profile pics then lads.

What kinda profile pic gets you to open it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately the men who most need to read this probably also won't be arsed to read the forums. Nor will they follow a link. But OP clear and concise and I agree with all of it.

Classy women

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By *igtatsMan
over a year ago

gravesend

A good read plenty to think about

doubt many will listen but you have my sympathies

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

All very well but most of the men on fab won’t see this and having been on the forums for a very long time, in my experience, most men on the forum probably don’t need this advice.

I get where you’re coming from though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't send first messages anymore because while I agree with what you said in your post with regards to putting effort into a first message, it does take a lot a of time and effort to be thorough and ensuring the message meets the standards of the profile all while I actually know nothing about them.

But here's the kicker, I've seen these messages unread or not replied to and quite frankly, it's soul crushing knowing that with the time I've put into a good (in my eyes) first message, it take a fraction of that to delete it. I've never complained about it because that's their right but I find it hard to sympathise when even messages that do have effort put into them get deleted or unread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree with all of this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I often use a phrase about living life on the easiest difficulty setting. As a straight white professional male things don’t get much easier. Having a sense of understanding that others have it worse than you doesn’t mean you have an agenda to gain some sort of benefit from that imbalance. I get frustrated on here, of course, sometimes I feel I’ve been treated harshly, but I try not to complain. Because I know that even on here, as the aforementioned straight white male I still get a lot less abuse, harassment, inconvenience, nonsense and irritation than most other demographics. And if this is the one place on earth where women have the upper hand over men in terms of outcomes (whether we have sex), then complaining about it seems a pretty big tell on the sort of person you are "

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"Reduced to a profile picture, a message title and the first 3 words of your message

Better really get working on those profile pics then lads.

What kinda profile pic gets you to open it? "

Ideally a face pic but I realise not everyone wants to show their face, me included. But seeing the paper clip icon means they’ve likely included face pics in the message. In which case the profile pic just needs to look appealing, something sexy but tasteful x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a single guy on fab and I dont get any messages....so just be me for awhile and all your troubles will float away....good luck op

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"I don't send first messages anymore because while I agree with what you said in your post with regards to putting effort into a first message, it does take a lot a of time and effort to be thorough and ensuring the message meets the standards of the profile all while I actually know nothing about them.

I’m sorry you’ve struggled. I have to say your profile picture would catch my interest xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im a single guy on fab and I dont get any messages....so just be me for awhile and all your troubles will float away....good luck op"

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Very true

Lots of “make your message stand out! Impress me” attitudes without the info on their profile to do so

It’s an issue that’s no one’s fault really. But I’m fully with you. I see no point trying to craft a masterpiece that most likely don’t be opened

It’s a lot less stressful just letting them message first, and I’d say the success rate is about the same

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Also the thing is with this kind of post is it’s telling them what you want them to do and not do so some men may read this and do exactly that whereas they wouldn’t have before. Do we really want that? I’d rather them do what they do as it’s then easier to filter. Otherwise it’s false no? Not sure if this makes sense but I know what I mean!

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Also the thing is with this kind of post is it’s telling them what you want them to do and not do so some men may read this and do exactly that whereas they wouldn’t have before. Do we really want that? I’d rather them do what they do as it’s then easier to filter. Otherwise it’s false no? Not sure if this makes sense but I know what I mean! "

“Don’t teach dickheads how to fake it”

I think

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

“Don’t teach dickheads how to fake it”

I think "

Haha. Basically yes!! I could have said it so much easier

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

“Don’t teach dickheads how to fake it”

I think "

If it’s encouraging someone to compose a proper, respectful, polite and well written message, I don’t see that as a bad thing or anyone faking anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me ether but it sounded profound !

We’ll figure it out

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

“Don’t teach dickheads how to fake it”

I think

If it’s encouraging someone to compose a proper, respectful, polite and well written message, I don’t see that as a bad thing or anyone faking anything. "

I do because it’s not truly them. Just my opinion though. Most people seem to agree with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, it might be what you want

But it won't be how others want to be approached

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is interesting as it's a swinging site. A lot of people don't know what to put/ how to catch peoples attention. People may try hard to think of what would be catching but it is "wrong " in that person's eyes. How do people know what will catch your attention without knowing you. If you met someone out you would maybe say hi etc, compliment them, but does that work on here. From what I read it doesn't. People aren't mind-readers. Have a safe and happy weekend all

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

“Don’t teach dickheads how to fake it”

I think

Haha. Basically yes!! I could have said it so much easier

I'd agree with this. People will naturally fall into their best way of approaching someone - if they're not compatible with you isn't it better to find that out early rather than later?

And yes, I know that (some) women don't want to use filters (I can respect that) but if I was getting a lot of unsuitable messages, I'd do the messaging myself. Nine times out of ten I have done and it's worked very well for me so far.

I don't think those targeted in the OP will read the forums (as an aside).

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

I wish people would stop these posts. Let the lazy bastards and guys who can't even send a decent message stay in oblivion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't agree with a few things, one being a well written message,they don't know you so it'll be hard to really find something to write, unless you've put something in your profile they can relate to, also it's not a dating site..

The other, attaching a face pic, some need to be discreet because of their jobs etc .

Just my opinion

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

I think most people on the forum will agree with what you said, however regardless of how many threads like this appear on the forum, things will not change on fab, as there are just hundreds of men joining the site every day just looking for a quick shag. That being said there are two sides to every story ...I understand that the circumstances are different for men and women on fab, I understand that to be a man on fab you need to have something special or be special to stand out, and that can be emotionally and mentally draining for most men here, who simply are not considered special by you or the vast majority of women.

No one is saying you owe any men a message reply or even your attention (or at least I'm not saying it) and I understand that there are men who feel are entitled to a woman giving them explanations or maybe they feel entitled they deserve sex automatically just because they are on fab ( which is wrong in all senses), but there are also many women on fab who think they are entitled to be worshipped by all men simply because they get hundreds or thousands of messages by men ( which can be very empowering for some, regardless if it comes from men they want to have sex or not). For many women on fab it's just a numbers game where they can pick and choose, for many men on fab it's just luck, because even though a man could tick all the boxes ( as in being physically your type, living close enough to you, sending you the message you wanted), it might be the case that on that specific day you just can't be asked to reply to anyone ( you're just not feeling like it that day)...and that message than gets forgotten or deleted. And speaking of these messages women want to receive...no one actually knows what they need to be like, because let me tell you many men on the forums do take women's advice on how to message, and still they don't get a reply, and that's because (and I'm sorry this feels harsh) most men on fab are simply not wanted/desired by the women (or the vast majority) on fab...Fab is not real life and this notion that there is someone for everyone on fab is simply wrong (at least from my pov). Also would you as a woman put the same effort that you expect, into messaging a man? I know you don't have to even message a man on fab, but my question is would you? And if yes, what would that look like? Because I do get messages from women and 99% of them are a simple "hey how are you?" Or "hey handsome " or "nice profile ". The difference is that when a man receives a message (although low effort) from a woman they will 99 out of 100 reply , because the chances for a man to meet a woman from fab are 100 times lower than that of a woman.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"I wish people would stop these posts. Let the lazy bastards and guys who can't even send a decent message stay in oblivion

I kinda agree

I can picture it now. A bunch of cave dwellers reading this with their note pad

How to get in her knickers 101

1. Don’t call her a whore

“Ahh nice! That’s good! I didn’t think of that!

2. Don’t send her a picture of a wrinkly flaccid penis with no text

“Your kidding me! I thought they loved those! They’ve been so successful in the past!”

3. Try to be a decent human being

“Hmmm… that’s asking a lot… I’ll think about it”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think most people on the forum will agree with what you said, however regardless of how many threads like this appear on the forum, things will not change on fab, as there are just hundreds of men joining the site every day just looking for a quick shag. That being said there are two sides to every story ...I understand that the circumstances are different for men and women on fab, I understand that to be a man on fab you need to have something special or be special to stand out, and that can be emotionally and mentally draining for most men here, who simply are not considered special by you or the vast majority of women.

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Interestingly, you're on my hotlist, so I'll be sure to follow the guidelines, should I drop you a message!

Happy Friday, everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know what you mean and I agree. It's like profile advice threads.

I want to meet the person, not the bollocks that he's pretending to be because a load of other women told how to act.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I know what you mean and I agree. It's like profile advice threads.

I want to meet the person, not the bollocks that he's pretending to be because a load of other women told how to act. "

Yes! I feel the same about profile advice threads too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wish people would stop these posts. Let the lazy bastards and guys who can't even send a decent message stay in oblivion

I kinda agree

I can picture it now. A bunch of cave dwellers reading this with their note pad

How to get in her knickers 101

1. Don’t call her a whore

“Ahh nice! That’s good! I didn’t think of that!

2. Don’t send her a picture of a wrinkly flaccid penis with no text

“Your kidding me! I thought they loved those! They’ve been so successful in the past!”

3. Try to be a decent human being

“Hmmm… that’s asking a lot… I’ll think about it” "

I think teaching *some* men in the world how to be respectful would be a wonderful thing.

But there's loads of decent, lovely blokes on here. I don't mean them.

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

I know what you mean and I agree. It's like profile advice threads.

I want to meet the person, not the bollocks that he's pretending to be because a load of other women told how to act. "

This is why I tend to take a lot of guidance / indicators on a person from their forum activity.

Very useful.

People often forget themselves, but I remember…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could it be that cold messages just aren't a good approach for men on this site? I know from chatting to quite a few guys how disheartening it can be. I don't think anyone should lower their standards and accept low-effort messages without at least challenging them. I can see now why I see comments on the forum about guys "dropping their standards". It's interesting that this comment comes from you as I imagine quite a few guys would think you'd have your pick of women.

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By *ucyLasticsWoman
over a year ago

North West

[Removed by poster at 14/01/22 13:40:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/01/22 13:41:24]

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By *ucyLasticsWoman
over a year ago

North West

Pick? Bad grammar right there x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting post OP. You say you're interested in feedback and the main bit I have is on the "if you've read my profile put 'x' in your title". As soon as I read that in a profile I loose all interest. I'm not a performing monkey, I don't jump through hoops to prove my worth and not am I a schoolkid seeking to pass a comprehension test.

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

My second bit of feed back is what are you hoping to achieve by this post? Do you want all the men who send messages you consider to be not what you are looking for to change their messaging style to match what you are after? Would this make filtering your messages any easier? I can't decide if this post is a genuine attempt to help guys get attention or (like your demand that interested parties use your code word) is a display of entitlement. I prefer to see the best in people so I'll say thank you for the kind advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read profiles yes I’m one of them no I don’t message at all because I’m firm believer in what the lady wants and unfortunately 99.9 % of time it’s not me don’t get nasty or belittle it is what it is and what will be will be

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"OP, it might be what you want

But it won't be how others want to be approached "
hence my first paragraph

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Disagree.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Interesting post OP. You say you're interested in feedback and the main bit I have is on the "if you've read my profile put 'x' in your title". As soon as I read that in a profile I loose all interest. I'm not a performing monkey, I don't jump through hoops to prove my worth and not am I a schoolkid seeking to pass a comprehension test.

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

Mr"

You really do think so similarly to me!

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

The good thing about fab is that everyone is different. What might work for one, doesn’t necessarily work for the other. There isn’t magic formula that says do points 1-3 and you’ll get a reply.

I respect what the OP has said and hope it enables her inbox to become easier to manage.

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By *oliteguyMan
over a year ago

Melksham

I have to agree with you OP and I’m a man. But everything you have mentioned just seems common sense to me. Unfortunately I know it doesn’t to everyone.

I realise I’m one of thousands of males on here, and the ladies and couples have an abundance of choice. When I send a message I never expect a reply, as I know the receiver will have loads to trawl through. If I do receive a reply then it’s an added bonus. That being said, I always read the profile first and only message if I feel I may tick their boxes. No point wasting my time or theirs.

I’m admin on a couple of Kik groups and it amazes me the number of guys that join, completely ignore the posted rules and message any ladies in the group straight away, expecting them to be “up for it” as they are in a Kik group. Then when they find themselves being shown the virtual door, how abusive some can be.

So thank you for your suggestions and recommendations. I do hope people take note of it. There are of course plenty of decent, respectful gents, but equally a vast amount that give us all a bad name.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I actually use my filters and I keep them very tight so I don't get many messages. I don't want a load of messages I won't read as I don't see the point. When I joined and until I found the filters I got a load and there was no way to answer them all.Now my time on here is a lot easier.

I'll answer a message if I like the profile and sometimes even if I don't I'll answer because the message is nice.

I don't expect men to change how they send messages to me because I prefer to see how they are from the start rather than them pretending to be something they are not.

I also have no issue sending a first message to someone as well rather than sit and hope someone I like messages me first. The worst they can do is ignore me or not answer but as I never check my sent messages either way it won't bother me but yes a reply is always nice to get.

I find these threads telling others how to do their fab journeys a bit condescending a lot of the time. What one person looks for off fab is not the same as the next person. I'm not keen on dick pics in messages but there are plenty of women who like getting them. I don't need face pics to make me answer a message others won't answer without being sent one etc.

It's horses for courses and to be fair any adult on here who has to be told not to be abusive or crude in messages I would rather let them off because they are only ruining their own chances really .

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

Mr"

I hear a lot of guys saying they’re never successful on fab. These are nice guys losing hope with the site. I think it might help for them to know what a girl (it might just be me!!) likes to see or not see. I thought it might be interesting to have that insight.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yayyyyyyyyyyyy

I did enjoy this.

No chance for you anyway Mekell ...... you are shit at paragraphs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know what you mean and I agree. It's like profile advice threads.

I want to meet the person, not the bollocks that he's pretending to be because a load of other women told how to act.

This is why I tend to take a lot of guidance / indicators on a person from their forum activity.

Very useful.

People often forget themselves, but I remember…"

That's why I never meet anyone from the forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

Ah, the men need training school of thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The good thing about fab is that everyone is different. What might work for one, doesn’t necessarily work for the other. There isn’t magic formula that says do points 1-3 and you’ll get a reply.

I respect what the OP has said and hope it enables her inbox to become easier to manage. "

Your magic formula is offer cake isn't it?

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By *J GeminiTV/TS
over a year ago

Northumberland

Interesting and informative,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

I think it's interesting to discuss. There will be some men who will tweak the way they do things and maybe feel better for it.

The really crap ones won't be reading it as they just want a fuck. So no harm there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a lottery, sometimes the stars align other times they don't. Everyone should be considering what they're sending before they send it. If a caveman wants to write "me hump you now" with an attached picture of a stonker, then that's his business and says what it will about the lady who accepts. But if that's what he wants to say let him say it. I can say with 100% honesty every message that leaves my mailbox has been carefully constructed to suit the recipient and conveys the message with clarity and decorum (unless specifically asked for a dick pick, in which case all decorum goes out the window from the off). If anyone sends me the caveman style message

with wide-on pic attached, it will be given serious consideration before I invariably accept

So knowing what to write and accepting what has been written are two different things. Somedays you can win that lottery.

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

Yayyyyyyyyyyyy

I did enjoy this.

No chance for you anyway Mekell ...... you are shit at paragraphs

What ever will I do with ny life now?!...The agony

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

Ah, the men need training school of thought

Mr"

Haven't you seen guys on threads asking "what do I say"? I see it all the time. I've had chats about precisely this with a few men of late. (On their request). I appreciate you're coupled up and doing ok but some guys would like some help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know South West very well having had the pleasure to meet her through the club scene, and I think you have very eloquently voiced what many other women will also be thinking! Well said xx

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

I respect what the OP has said and hope it enables her inbox to become easier to manage.

Your magic formula is offer cake isn't it?

Haha cake is just me, being myself. Appeals to some but not others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You really do think so similarly to me!

Just a shame you don't like beards.

P.S. just to clarify my use of the word shame wasn't intended to imply you have made a bad choice, that you should feel ashamed or that you are missing out by not being interested. I'm just trying to say your avatar has lush legs and on a few occasions your profile wasn't hidden I have had a perve. This coupled with your forum presence makes you of interest to me until I remember the beard thing. Unfortunately you're just not interesting enough to consider having to see my unshaven mug looking back at me in the mirror so I simply meant to express the minor sense of loss I feel that nothing will ever happen between us.

Hope that clarifies things satisfactorily

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

There's no man on fab that has their pick of women...Jason Momoa (who is recently single) joining fab, wouldn't have his pick. He probably wouldn't even be noticed by most women...most women on fab just go through their messages rather than actively searching the site for what they want

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Crumbs I'm not sure such a list is that memorable. I know I gave up midway through. When we try to be clinical over something that isn't in my opinion supposed to be it becomes joyless. It becomes about ticking boxes and to me that's the last thing sex should be.

I know it can get frustrating on here sometimes, maybe you could close your filters and do your own searching. You may find more of what you are searching for.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

You really do think so similarly to me!

Just a shame you don't like beards.

Hope that clarifies things satisfactorily

Hahaha. Love it!

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

You really do think so similarly to me!

Just a shame you don't like beards.

Hope that clarifies things satisfactorily

Hahaha. Love it!

Oh and PS. Can I have your wife instead then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know no men have their pick - I was reiterating what I've seen other men write on the forum. You didn't respond to my other points?

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

Ah, the men need training school of thought

Exactly this.

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"Crumbs I'm not sure such a list is that memorable. I know I gave up midway through. When we try to be clinical over something that isn't in my opinion supposed to be it becomes joyless. It becomes about ticking boxes and to me that's the last thing sex should be.

I know it can get frustrating on here sometimes, maybe you could close your filters and do your own searching. You may find more of what you are searching for.

"
this post is less about me and what I am looking for, and more about the process I take which might be of interest to some who maybe aren’t that successful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

Ah, the men need training school of thought

All the time. If someone asks an opinion then occasionally I'll offer one, I wouldn't start a thread to offer that advice.

There are lots of ladies on these forums saying they struggle to find what they want on here. I've never seen a thread started by a guy trying to tell women how to behave to get the attention they want. I believe that would be called mansplaining

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well dam, clearly going wrong somewhere as I don't get nowhere near a 100 messages a day.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I know it can get frustrating on here sometimes, maybe you could close your filters and do your own searching. You may find more of what you are searching for.

this post is less about me and what I am looking for, and more about the process I take which might be of interest to some who maybe aren’t that successful. "

True but that doesn't make it the information correct. For example I'm dyslexic so poor grammer and spelling isn't a deal breaker for me. As mine is rarely perfect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

Ah, the men need training school of thought

All the time. If someone asks an opinion then occasionally I'll offer one, I wouldn't start a thread to offer that advice.

Mr"

Never see any mansplaining here. Never.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"I actually use my filters and I keep them very tight so I don't get many messages. I don't want a load of messages I won't read as I don't see the point. When I joined and until I found the filters I got a load and there was no way to answer them all.Now my time on here is a lot easier.

I'll answer a message if I like the profile and sometimes even if I don't I'll answer because the message is nice.

I don't expect men to change how they send messages to me because I prefer to see how they are from the start rather than them pretending to be something they are not.

It's horses for courses and to be fair any adult on here who has to be told not to be abusive or crude in messages I would rather let them off because they are only ruining their own chances really ."

I wish there was a location filter.

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

I know it can get frustrating on here sometimes, maybe you could close your filters and do your own searching. You may find more of what you are searching for.

this post is less about me and what I am looking for, and more about the process I take which might be of interest to some who maybe aren’t that successful.

True but that doesn't make it the information correct. For example I'm dyslexic so poor grammer and spelling isn't a deal breaker for me. As mine is rarely perfect.

"
I would direct you to the first paragraph of my post.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I (Luke) very much agree with you about the "I don't know what to write" type of message. What to write in a first message is a common question on the forums. I have never understood this. Why would you contact somebody if you don't know what to say? Surely you choose to write a message because you have something to say. That's what messages are for - saying something. Nothing to say = Don't right a message, surely.

I suspect what they are thinking is they like the look of you. Well there's something to say right there. At least the recipient will know where you are coming from and will know you can express something.

The most common type of message we get is from people who clearly have nothing to say. Since one of our goals is to meet people we can havea good old chin-wag with, we bin any message that looks like we couldn't have a conversation with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You really do think so similarly to me!

Just a shame you don't like beards.

Hope that clarifies things satisfactorily

Hahaha. Love it!

Oh and PS. Can I have your wife instead then?

Her ladyship? You'll have to ask her but I'm pretty sure she'd say yes

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

I get why people do it and of course its entirely up to you but all it proves is a bloke is sycophantic/desperate enough to get your attention.

Ah, the men need training school of thought

All the time. If someone asks an opinion then occasionally I'll offer one, I wouldn't start a thread to offer that advice.

Mr"
I’m not telling anyone how to behave (apart from telling people not to be abusive). I am detailing my thought process on why I read certain messages and delete others. Which may be of interest to some. That’s not mansplaining / womansplaining

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I know it can get frustrating on here sometimes, maybe you could close your filters and do your own searching. You may find more of what you are searching for.

this post is less about me and what I am looking for, and more about the process I take which might be of interest to some who maybe aren’t that successful.

True but that doesn't make it the information correct. For example I'm dyslexic so poor grammer and spelling isn't a deal breaker for me. As mine is rarely perfect.

I would direct you to the first paragraph of my post. "

Oh ok sorry, I thought it was to help men message any woman.

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

I know no men have their pick - I was reiterating what I've seen other men write on the forum. You didn't respond to my other points? "

OK, allow me to respond...

Do I believe cold messages are not a good approach for men...I believe there is no way of messaging that is a good approach for men, regardless of how they massage, the vast majority will be rejected

Do I believe men should not respond to low effort messages... well as a man who has decided not to send the first message to a woman anymore, if I ignore the low effort messages, that would be pretty much all messages, and in that case I would question my time and my place on fab...because I do want to meet people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread got considerably longer since my initial post.

In a nutshell;

Women don’t reply to all messages, too many.

Men, be better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread got considerably longer since my initial post.

In a nutshell;

Women don’t reply to all messages, too many.

Men, be better."

Sums it up pretty well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread got considerably longer since my initial post.

In a nutshell;

Women don’t reply to all messages, too many.

Men, be better."

This includes you^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread got considerably longer since my initial post.

In a nutshell;

Women don’t reply to all messages, too many.

Men, be better.

This includes you^"

Noted.

I’ll make improvements on my face immediately.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We've always felt uncomfortable expecting or asking for a well crafted, thought-out initial message, as our reject message is copied and pasted and seems a bit of a double standard.

As long they have a decent profile/bio and attach a face pic, a simple 'hi' will do.

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By *ezzelsMan
over a year ago

cheshire and north wales

[Removed by poster at 14/01/22 15:05:30]

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By *ezzelsMan
over a year ago

cheshire and north wales

I’ve always said if you can’t be the poet, be the poem.. a lot of information is on my profile so any messages I do send , which I have to say are very selective and with genuine interest, are always polite respectful and a sign post to read my profile.., and that’s where the issue lies..few people read profiles..and lots of people are very judgemental from the get go..men and women on here..women get inundated on here, let’s face it..most messages they get are dross, from chancers using the scatter gun approach but that unfortunately cast a biter shadow on the good guys, many of whom have posted on here…kez..z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know no men have their pick - I was reiterating what I've seen other men write on the forum. You didn't respond to my other points?

OK, allow me to respond...

Do I believe cold messages are not a good approach for men...I believe there is no way of messaging that is a good approach for men, regardless of how they massage, the vast majority will be rejected

I guess the numbers back you up there. Sadly. I do think cold messaging is the worst possible approach for men and from what others say socials and clubs are the best.

There are a few others here who don't send first messages. But if the first messages are so low effort anyway, maybe it pans out. I am open to first messages but I'm also pro-active. I understand not many women are.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

Because you speak for most women??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because you speak for most women??"

You don't think that's true, Kinky? It's certainly my impression that only a small percentage of women are pro-active. Could be wrong of course.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Because you speak for most women??

You don't think that's true, Kinky? It's certainly my impression that only a small percentage of women are pro-active. Could be wrong of course. "

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

Because you speak for most women??

You don't think that's true, Kinky? It's certainly my impression that only a small percentage of women are pro-active. Could be wrong of course. "

I love to have a good old nosey, majority of the time my message filters are on so I don’t get messages from men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because you speak for most women??

You don't think that's true, Kinky? It's certainly my impression that only a small percentage of women are pro-active. Could be wrong of course.

I love to have a good old nosey, majority of the time my message filters are on so I don’t get messages from men "

Me too. I am open to messages at the mo but I still have some filters. But I do think most women don't actively search and message/wink/Fab.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Think there's quite a few of us in the Forums who batten down the filters and only reach out to guys we search for and/or we want to speak to...

...saving on time for both sides

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think there's quite a few of us in the Forums who batten down the filters and only reach out to guys we search for and/or we want to speak to...

...saving on time for both sides

But forumites are a small percentage of Fabbers so the perspective here is somewhat biased do you think?

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By *ezzelsMan
over a year ago

cheshire and north wales

I like to think I’m interesting enough for a social coffee and cake but like has been mentioned in here by other men it is very very rare to get an initial mail from a woman or couple..of course I am not going to everyone’s cup of tea..we all fall into that category..but having been here a number of years now it’s clear tha stats do not add up to most women being proactive..I guess doing what I do and being very selective and actually seeking out nive genuine men..don’t get me wrong, if I got inundated with emails from women or couples then I’m going to find some that take my interest that’s precludes me from having to look..that’s never or will never happen on here given the 3 million year old genetics of men and women..but it would be good to know there are some women and couples who are proactive..so I live in hope..lol..xx

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

[Removed by poster at 14/01/22 15:27:08]

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Think there's quite a few of us in the Forums who batten down the filters and only reach out to guys we search for and/or we want to speak to...

...saving on time for both sides

But forumites are a small percentage of Fabbers so the perspective here is somewhat biased do you think? "

True, but then do you wonder outside of the forum then as much as many moan about flooded inboxes they in fact may love the 'attention'...

... which generally is not what forum folk are here for? Maybe?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read your profile but haven't done anything you asked because I want to stand out from the crowd."

A legit message I once received.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think there's quite a few of us in the Forums who batten down the filters and only reach out to guys we search for and/or we want to speak to...

...saving on time for both sides

But forumites are a small percentage of Fabbers so the perspective here is somewhat biased do you think?

True, but then do you wonder outside of the forum then as much as many moan about flooded inboxes they in fact may love the 'attention'...

... which generally is not what forum folk are here for? Maybe?"

I'm sure some in the forums are keen on the attention too.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Great post o/p do you have an example of a profile which passes all the requirements you have mentioned? We then know what the benchmark is as I am sure most fab women feel the same way.

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

It would be very interesting if everyone did exactly as the OP said.

Then how would you filter out the garbage from your 100messages?

Anyway, so you've now filtered out the garbage and you have 40% of the messages left. How do you stand out from the rest of the cookie cutter messages that have been sent? Ive sat there and crafted an individual message for you (because an adapted personalised copy and paste is frowned upon), and attached my photos of my face.

Is it just a case of attraction at this point, and at what point do you get fatigue and think "f*CK this" then delete them all? Is it better to send a message early in the morning to get near the start or late at night when you're relaxed but more likely to be pissed off at messages.

Its a tough one. A lot comes down to luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If this sort of thing works for people then

But I have to admit I'm so glad I don't have to take any notice of this type of stuff. Write this, act this way, look that way, breathe when I say... whatever.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

And this is why I’d don’t message first.

I may be a clown but I ain’t joining the circus.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I think if a man wants to jump through hoops to get a meet he will probably read and absorb your OP, and if he doesn’t then he won’t.

Thing is, you’ve written that, Debra from Spalding will have written something else, meanwhile Mandy from Edinburgh is asking for something else.

That’s a lot of people to try and please. And for what? A (maybe) polite no thanks, if that, off someone else who wants something else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a great post OP I agree with what you have wrote.

I personally don’t send a first message to women/couples especially to anyone that isn’t on the forum. If I have done then they are on the forum and we’ve either flirted or winked at each other…

I totally agree with FoolHardly’s post about it being soul crushing after you’ve put effort into it, regardless of the reason for the deletion. That’s exactly why I don’t send them. It’s by no means a complaint as I also understand it from another pov, it’s merely what I do to self preserve myself on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think if a man wants to jump through hoops to get a meet he will probably read and absorb your OP, and if he doesn’t then he won’t.

Thing is, you’ve written that, Debra from Spalding will have written something else, meanwhile Mandy from Edinburgh is asking for something else.

That’s a lot of people to try and please. And for what? A (maybe) polite no thanks, if that, off someone else who wants something else.

Can you ask Debra from Spalding to send me a message please?

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"If this sort of thing works for people then

But I have to admit I'm so glad I don't have to take any notice of this type of stuff. Write this, act this way, look that way, breathe when I say... whatever."

Then you are clearly not the target audience of my post.

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"And this is why I’d don’t message first.

I may be a clown but I ain’t joining the circus. "
it’s just insight into my decision process. I’m not asking you to join any circus x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hot funny guy, me in a chatty mood = winner.

I don't expect guys to jump through hoops for me. Well not unless it's part of some kinky act.

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"It would be very interesting if everyone did exactly as the OP said.

Then how would you filter out the garbage from your 100messages?

Its a tough one. A lot comes down to luck

"
I would personally get chatting to those messages that appeal, and go from there, just like anyone normally would. A connection is what I’m looking for through the messaging.

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"Hot funny guy, me in a chatty mood = winner.

I don't expect guys to jump through hoops for me. Well not unless it's part of some kinky act. "

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By *MCMan
over a year ago

London/EA

A lot of people saying they don’t message first etc, mainly due to jumping through hoops - I find it comical when a profile cant fulfil its own demands

For example..

If you can’t use proper grammar don’t contact us - then have multiple spelling mistakes on there profile

^ couldn’t resist

Always going to be the way though, as said numerous times before by members.. single males will always out number the other members. Ladies and couples are luckily enough to take the pick from a large variety..

Deal with it and move on.

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"A lot of people saying they don’t message first etc, mainly due to jumping through hoops - I find it comical when a profile cant fulfil its own demands

For example..

If you can’t use proper grammar don’t contact us - then have multiple spelling mistakes on there profile

^ couldn’t resist

Deal with it and move on. "
Is that spelling comment aimed at me?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I still can't fathom how anyone FILTERS mail by READING and DISCARDING if they haven't the time to READ them all.

There is so much for me to learn.

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"I still can't fathom how anyone FILTERS mail by READING and DISCARDING if they haven't the time to READ them all.

There is so much for me to learn."
I would recommend re-reading my post if it doesn’t make sense. Because it’s really quite simple and is summed up in the last paragraph.

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By *MCMan
over a year ago

London/EA

"A lot of people saying they don’t message first etc, mainly due to jumping through hoops - I find it comical when a profile cant fulfil its own demands

For example..

If you can’t use proper grammar don’t contact us - then have multiple spelling mistakes on there profile

^ couldn’t resist

Deal with it and move on. Is that spelling comment aimed at me?

No? Just a general passing comment. Thought I’d add my 2p worth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If this sort of thing works for people then

But I have to admit I'm so glad I don't have to take any notice of this type of stuff. Write this, act this way, look that way, breathe when I say... whatever.

Then you are clearly not the target audience of my post. "

No shit.

That's the problem with an open forum. Any dick can reply, and here I am.

These types of egotistical 'look how overwhelmed with messages I am' sudo-rants are just a massive yawn.

If it really bothers you that much use your filters and message only the people you're interested in rather than demanding Prince Charming comes to you. Problem solved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If this sort of thing works for people then

But I have to admit I'm so glad I don't have to take any notice of this type of stuff. Write this, act this way, look that way, breathe when I say... whatever.

Then you are clearly not the target audience of my post.

No shit.

That's the problem with an open forum. Any dick can reply, and here I am.

These types of egotistical 'look how overwhelmed with messages I am' sudo-rants are just a massive yawn.

If it really bothers you that much use your filters and message only the people you're interested in rather than demanding Prince Charming comes to you. Problem solved."

If they're such a massive yawn, you could just...not click in? And she can manage her profile anyway she wants to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If they're such a massive yawn, you could just...not click in? And she can manage her profile anyway she wants to. "

Thanks for the tip

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

Because you speak for most women??"

I speak for myself...but also the perception I get from fab and the people on fab. Do I need to put a disclaimer everytime I talk about most men/women ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If they're such a massive yawn, you could just...not click in? And she can manage her profile anyway she wants to.

Thanks for the tip

My pleasure

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

May I ask a question OP? ( due to the nature of the forum I will have to state that in and of itself is a rhetorical question, because I will now proceed to ask said question).

You state you get 100 messages a day (give or take) and you can’t “physically read them all”. Now obviously I can’t attest to the content of the messages but surely the vast majority (let’s say 70%) are one liners or worse. 20% are a couple of lines. 5% are a paragraph and the other 5% are verging on novella.

So being generous to your correspondents I am going to average this out at 30 words per message. Meaning you receive roughly 3000 words of text in any given day. Is that “physically impossible” to read in let’s say 4hrs of fab activity a day, equating to 750 words in an hour or 12.5 words per minute.

Thanks in advance

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"May I ask a question OP? ( due to the nature of the forum I will have to state that in and of itself is a rhetorical question, because I will now proceed to ask said question).

Thanks in advance

"
4 hours of fab a day!?!

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"May I ask a question OP? ( due to the nature of the forum I will have to state that in and of itself is a rhetorical question, because I will now proceed to ask said question).

Thanks in advance

4 hours of fab a day!?!"

Ah! More or less? (to help me with my calculations). You see before taking any advice (and I am sure yours is most excellent) I need to confirm the veracity of the advice being given. This I can do by seeing whether additional claims in their post make sense from a mathematical or logical standpoint.

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By *outhwest_shoeseller OP Woman
over a year ago

North Somerset

"If this sort of thing works for people then

But I have to admit I'm so glad I don't have to take any notice of this type of stuff. Write this, act this way, look that way, breathe when I say... whatever.

Then you are clearly not the target audience of my post.

No shit.

That's the problem with an open forum. Any dick can reply, and here I am.

These types of egotistical 'look how overwhelmed with messages I am' sudo-rants are just a massive yawn.

If it really bothers you that much use your filters and message only the people you're interested in rather than demanding Prince Charming comes to you. Problem solved."
I think you have totally missed the point of my post. This is not a ‘look how overwhelmed I am’ post. This is a demonstration of my thought process when I go through my inbox, for guys who struggle to get replies and might be wondering why, which could be because one of those simple reasons.

There really is no need to be rude to people on here, it’s so unnecessary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And this is why I’d don’t message first.

I may be a clown but I ain’t joining the circus. "

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Can I ask OP. Would you like everyone that is going to message you follow all your advice?

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By *anilla switchWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I get up to 100 messages a day. I am a bbw so probably not the type for all men. I imagine slim women may receive even more than that, who knows?

- I want people to have put the effort in and read my profile, so I have a word which I ask to be put in the title of the message. If they haven’t used that word then it’s an instant delete.

- do they have a photo of themselves or have they attached any to the message? If not, then they’re deleted.

- is the message more than just a ‘hi how are you’?. I want to be excited to read your message, asking me how I am just isn’t engaging and shows no effort whatsoever. Deleted.

- messages that say ‘I’ll keep this short as I don’t know what to write’. They will get deleted. If you can’t put effort into a first message, what kind of effort do you put in elsewhere?

- messages that say they’re in the area and fancy a shag. Instant delete, I am not a piece of meat.

Taking it personally and coming back with abuse just isn’t fair, and will get you blocked.

I feel I should copy and paste this and put it on my profile. Spot on

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I don't get 100s of messages a day, nowhere near.

But they are mostly low effort and obviously haven't read the profile.

I don't mind a "hi how are you?" If they're what I'm looking for and they've included a face pic, don't have a dick pic for an avatar.

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By *ienickMan
over a year ago

Selston

"I don't agree with a few things, one being a well written message,they don't know you so it'll be hard to really find something to write, unless you've put something in your profile they can relate to, also it's not a dating site..

The other, attaching a face pic, some need to be discreet because of their jobs etc .

How true. If the profile is blank what do you put?

No pictures, no introduction

How do you send a well written message

So would be a hello or hi

Just my opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The other, attaching a face pic, some need to be discreet because of their jobs etc .

How true. If the profile is blank what do you put?

No pictures, no introduction

How do you send a well written message

So would be a hello or hi

Just my opinion

If someone has 30 messages and they all say hello or hi - what are the odds they're deleted unread?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Some good advice here in the op post and thread.

Most will still ignore it and an make a post moaning about no replies next week.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can I ask OP. Would you like everyone that is going to message you follow all your advice?

This is a good question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think moaning about messages in the forums is not the problem, I would guess most guys in the forums are not sending 100s of messages a day

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I think moaning about messages in the forums is not the problem, I would guess most guys in the forums are not sending 100s of messages a day"

Speak for yourself.. I've got an entire factory in the middle East sending out hundreds every day to clutter up the inboxes so that the good guys can't get any.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think moaning about messages in the forums is not the problem, I would guess most guys in the forums are not sending 100s of messages a day

Speak for yourself.. I've got an entire factory in the middle East sending out hundreds every day to clutter up the inboxes so that the good guys can't get any."

1000 apologies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very well said!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

Just an a-hole? I get those pretty often

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

U ok hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

Just an a-hole? I get those pretty often "

No. Didn't mention which hole. Not from a guy. Just had the feeling other women might have received them too.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

Just an a-hole? I get those pretty often

No. Didn't mention which hole. Not from a guy. Just had the feeling other women might have received them too. "

Nonspecific holes are always the worst

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

Just an a-hole? I get those pretty often

No. Didn't mention which hole. Not from a guy. Just had the feeling other women might have received them too.

Nonspecific holes are always the worst "

You are hard to read sometimes

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

Just an a-hole? I get those pretty often

No. Didn't mention which hole. Not from a guy. Just had the feeling other women might have received them too. "

I haven't but have a couple's profile. That's not nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

I didn’t, but I do have some filters up. Sorry you had that. It says more about them than you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

Just an a-hole? I get those pretty often

No. Didn't mention which hole. Not from a guy. Just had the feeling other women might have received them too.

I haven't but have a couple's profile. That's not nice

It did seem unnecessarily unpleasant

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Thars great but it’s just your experience. I’m a single woman but how I use it, how many others will use it, is different.

We are all Individual, I prefer to approach and be approached with that in mind.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

I didn’t, but I do have some filters up. Sorry you had that. It says more about them than you. "

It was ok, I'm just a bit

that a woman would write it

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

Just an a-hole? I get those pretty often

No. Didn't mention which hole. Not from a guy. Just had the feeling other women might have received them too.

I haven't but have a couple's profile. That's not nice

It did seem unnecessarily unpleasant

Definitely hope you're ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

Just an a-hole? I get those pretty often

No. Didn't mention which hole. Not from a guy. Just had the feeling other women might have received them too.

I haven't but have a couple's profile. That's not nice

It did seem unnecessarily unpleasant

Definitely hope you're ok "

Oh sure, I'm fine thank you Frida

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps. "

No. I am a hole and just a wank to men.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps.

No. I am a hole and just a wank to men. "

She still could have meant it differently and wasn’t aiming it at you personally. Just a thought that’s all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps.

No. I am a hole and just a wank to men.

She still could have meant it differently and wasn’t aiming it at you personally. Just a thought that’s all. "

That's what she called me Nora. No mistake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps.

No. I am a hole and just a wank to men.

She still could have meant it differently and wasn’t aiming it at you personally. Just a thought that’s all.

That's what she called me Nora. No mistake. "

Dud she sat that's how she vies you or how she believes you are perceived by (some) men?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*views

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps.

No. I am a hole and just a wank to men.

She still could have meant it differently and wasn’t aiming it at you personally. Just a thought that’s all.

That's what she called me Nora. No mistake.

Dud she sat that's how she vies you or how she believes you are perceived by (some) men?"

If she said those exact words I honestly think she could have meant that. In fact I think it’s more likely she would have meant that. Unless anything else was added.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps.

No. I am a hole and just a wank to men.

She still could have meant it differently and wasn’t aiming it at you personally. Just a thought that’s all.

That's what she called me Nora. No mistake.

Dud she sat that's how she vies you or how she believes you are perceived by (some) men?

If she said those exact words I honestly think she could have meant that. In fact I think it’s more likely she would have meant that. Unless anything else was added. "

Honestly don't know. Nor do I care what a random woman decides to throw at me for no reason. As if I don't get enough random crap from guys.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps.

No. I am a hole and just a wank to men.

She still could have meant it differently and wasn’t aiming it at you personally. Just a thought that’s all.

That's what she called me Nora. No mistake.

Dud she sat that's how she vies you or how she believes you are perceived by (some) men?

If she said those exact words I honestly think she could have meant that. In fact I think it’s more likely she would have meant that. Unless anything else was added.

Honestly don't know. Nor do I care what a random woman decides to throw at me for no reason. As if I don't get enough random crap from guys. "

Oh definitely! I just didn’t want you to be feeling bad personally when it might not have been meant as a personal attack that’s all x

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'm a woman on fab, I've never had 100s of messages a day (except when I first joined but that doesn't count), and there is absolutely no formula, right way or wrong way for a man to send me a message to give him more or less of a chance that I'll read the message or reply.

Mainly because I go through long periods of time when I actually don't pay any attention to my messages, except to look and see if someone I am having a conversation with has messaged.

So none of what the OP has said actually applies to me and my inbox in the slightest. The problem with posts like that one is that some people will assume that it is a guide to getting a reply (or getting laid) and get upset when it doesn't work because not all women are the same.

And for the record, sometimes "hi", "how are you", "how's your weekend" might get a response from me. A dick pic might. There is just no way of knowing really.

Sorry about that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wondered if anyone else had a message via this thread informing them they're just a hole?

If it was a woman was it maybe not how she feels? Kind of like ignore nice male messages you’re just a hole to them. Or was she actually just calling you it? Could have been misinterpreted perhaps.

No. I am a hole and just a wank to men.

She still could have meant it differently and wasn’t aiming it at you personally. Just a thought that’s all.

That's what she called me Nora. No mistake.

Dud she sat that's how she vies you or how she believes you are perceived by (some) men?

If she said those exact words I honestly think she could have meant that. In fact I think it’s more likely she would have meant that. Unless anything else was added.

Honestly don't know. Nor do I care what a random woman decides to throw at me for no reason. As if I don't get enough random crap from guys.

Oh definitely! I just didn’t want you to be feeling bad personally when it might not have been meant as a personal attack that’s all x "

I think it was and Hippy has seen the message too. Strange and I don't know why I was singled out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hot funny guy, me in a chatty mood = winner.

I don't expect guys to jump through hoops for me. Well not unless it's part of some kinky act. "

I'm with you on this, think mostly its down to how someone feels at a given point. I've had some 'well written informative' messages and to be honest, they feel a bit forward to me, I don't mind a hi how are you, its a natural start to a conversation. I hate the whole do this, thst or the other or you'll get deleted. I mean, who am I to dictate how others act anyway? How one person takes a message is going to differ from the next person, yea I get that a lot are crap messages but guys get a hard time on here routinely so no wonder they get hacked off. Think it's been mentioned earlier, use filters, do the searching yourself and you'll possibly have a more positive outcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP is entitled to her expectations, and to expressing them. Those who take issue with her approach are just as entitled to their own opinions and free to act accordingly.

This level of lecturing others on the forums, in its multiple forms demonstrates how so much has been lost from fab over recent years...how polarised issues become, and a silo mentality that some adopt which says if you don't do it my way then you are somehow inferior...

Look around....thats not how the "real world" ever works....

Try a little love, humility, and acceptance that not everyone thinks or acts the way you do, or the way you want them to.

People are not robots programmed to meet the required response of others...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The OP is entitled to her expectations, and to expressing them. Those who take issue with her approach are just as entitled to their own opinions and free to act accordingly.

Look around....thats not how the "real world" ever works....

Try a little love, humility, and acceptance that not everyone thinks or acts the way you do, or the way you want them to.

People are not robots programmed to meet the required response of others...

I think there are still people here who use a little love, humility and acceptance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with this tbh....I don't want to make stipulations or hoops for the guys to jump through, I'd rather the message be a true reflection of the guy so I can gauge him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The OP is entitled to her expectations, and to expressing them. Those who take issue with her approach are just as entitled to their own opinions and free to act accordingly.

Look around....thats not how the "real world" ever works....

Try a little love, humility, and acceptance that not everyone thinks or acts the way you do, or the way you want them to.

People are not robots programmed to meet the required response of others...

I think there are still people here who use a little love, humility and acceptance. "

I'm sure there are, and yet the forums degenerate into binary opinions and arguments far more than they ever did....and tolerance of the views of others appears long lost to me. But then, I stopped sending first messages years ago, (usually I waited for others to approach me) wandered away from the forums multiple times, often for months at a time, and on those few occasions I now visit rarely post anything at all...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The OP is entitled to her expectations, and to expressing them. Those who take issue with her approach are just as entitled to their own opinions and free to act accordingly.

Look around....thats not how the "real world" ever works....

Try a little love, humility, and acceptance that not everyone thinks or acts the way you do, or the way you want them to.

People are not robots programmed to meet the required response of others...

I think there are still people here who use a little love, humility and acceptance.

There will always be binary opinions and arguments, but thoughtful people and considered comments. Whichever community.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Follow your heart.

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By *oulivCouple
over a year ago

Newtown

We were highly amused and a bit baffled when a Female friend of ours told us she logs in and deletes all mails, Takes her seconds. Does this every time apart from on a Wednesday when she has to sit in her car waiting outside one of her child’s evening activities. Then and only then will she read through her mail, she then filters and replies as she sees fit. She’s not obnoxious or demanding, it’s just her way of managing it!

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