FabSwingers.com forum: Your Mum's a...

By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

It had to happen, didn't it? For the first time today, I received unsolicited "abuse" for being a wheelchair user, in public. The problem is, my daughter (5 in a couple of weeks) was strapped to my knee, as we were on the way to school. Some local village idiot thought it was a good idea to shout "your Mum's a s***[derogatory term for someone with cerebral palsy]"

Aside the factual inaccuracy (I don't have CP), my daughter asked what he said. I just said he wasn't talking to us and carried on, dropped her off and pushed back up the hill home.

What do I say if she asks again, repeats the word? I think she's part parrot by the way - she hears something once and repeats it.

Having stupid words shouted at me, I can cope with. But my daughter being a "target" due to my situation has been one of my fears for a while, but I'd kind have expected it from silly children, not grown ups

Going to school by wheelchair (downhill

) is something my daughter loves doing - she came to tell me very early today that it wasn't raining (it's not easy to wheelchair in the rain)

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

[Removed by poster at 11/01/22 09:27:41]

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

[Removed by poster at 11/01/22 09:28:01]

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Oh my god. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I don’t know what else to say! That’s just awful. Lowest of the low. People can be so nasty and ignorant. It’s easy to say ignore it but it’s not that simple. I know that xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately they banned shooting moronic idiots, people like that are just disgusting.

You may just have to explain to your daughter that some people are nasty for no reason but most people are ok.

Did you report it to the police as it is a hate crime, more important though are you ok?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Sorry to hear this. It must have been so upsetting for you.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

If she had been older I would have told her. I’d just say that what the man said wasn’t a very nice word and to leave it at that.

Then when she’s older she can jump off your lap and shout back “yeah? And your a knobhead but so what?!”

Bloody dickheads! x

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

That's disgusting! I would tell her there are some not very nice people in this world! X

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By *hebritukCouple
over a year ago

London

Sad world we live in. You need to prepare her about the reality that disabled people face. Talk to her, then she will be better prepared; next time.

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By *iobhan123Woman
over a year ago

Deal

Omfg, that is the lowest, degrading and humiliating thing to say, was it even human, bloody hell. So sorry that your path crossed with such an immoral, disgusting creature.x

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"[Removed by poster at 11/01/22 09:28:01]"

That was so disgraceful. I can't believe that are people that can do that. It's great you are focusing on the love you get from your daughter and that's all that matters. I feel ashamed about the behaviour of some people and how ignorant and inhumane they can be. All the best to you x

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Report him to the police for harrassment and i would be honest with your daughter by educating her that not everyone is well educated or polite and uses unkind words which she shouldn't use herself.that be my take on this situation.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Unfortunately they banned shooting moronic idiots, people like that are just disgusting.

You may just have to explain to your daughter that some people are nasty for no reason but most people are ok.

Did you report it to the police as it is a hate crime, more important though are you ok?"

I haven't reported it, no. It happened as we were travelling over a railway bridge that connects two ginnels. School is at the bottom of the second ginnel. There's no CCTV or anything and the guy wore a black tracksuit with hood up. I couldn't give any other description as I had my daughter on my knee and partly obstructing my vision in that direction.

I'm fine, just angry that my fears about my status as disabled/wheelchair user will potentially negatively impact on my daughter.

My disability was caused by my pregnancy with her, so I also wrestle with how to answer any future questions from her about why I use a wheelchair (she will see images of me able bodied from the past, I'm sure). I don't know how to answer that question either.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"It had to happen, didn't it? For the first time today, I received unsolicited "abuse" for being a wheelchair user, in public. The problem is, my daughter (5 in a couple of weeks) was strapped to my knee, as we were on the way to school. Some local village idiot thought it was a good idea to shout "your Mum's a s***[derogatory term for someone with cerebral palsy]"

Aside the factual inaccuracy (I don't have CP), my daughter asked what he said. I just said he wasn't talking to us and carried on, dropped her off and pushed back up the hill home.

What do I say if she asks again, repeats the word? I think she's part parrot by the way - she hears something once and repeats it.

Going to school by wheelchair (downhill

) is something my daughter loves doing - she came to tell me very early today that it wasn't raining (it's not easy to wheelchair in the rain)

That’s pretty pathetic behaviour. Hard to believe that someone would behave like that. I wonder what the rest of their life is like .. can’t have many friends if they behave like that, or a partner, their families must be embarrassed. There is no way (surely) that an adult behaves like that and has friends / family around them that think that’s ok, or condone it. Must be a completely fucked-up individual.

Real shame that you encountered this person, but that absolutely has to be a freak occurrence.

As for the sponge/parrot-kid ... yeah they have an uncanny knack of picking up the one word in a sentence that you wish they hadn’t. I remember my dad watching a football match on tv when my parents were minding my sister’s kid, and the kid walks out into the kitchen and asks my mother “what’s a cunt?”. Not guilty, that one was my dad!

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

"If she had been older I would have told her. I’d just say that what the man said wasn’t a very nice word and to leave it at that.

Then when she’s older she can jump off your lap and shout back “yeah? And your a knobhead but so what?!”

Bloody dickheads! x"

She was sat on my knee saying "beep beep", because she thinks it helps people not walk in front of us. Most people think it's cute and say nice things, like "I wish I went to school like that". You should have seen her on my knee, rushing through Manchester Airport back in December - what a kid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aside the factual inaccuracy (I don't have CP), my daughter asked what he said. I just said he wasn't talking to us and carried on, dropped her off and pushed back up the hill home.

What do I say if she asks again, repeats the word? I think she's part parrot by the way - she hears something once and repeats it.

Going to school by wheelchair (downhill

) is something my daughter loves doing - she came to tell me very early today that it wasn't raining (it's not easy to wheelchair in the rain)

sorry this happened to you such ignorance

she is 5 and well maybe older enough to understand so e people say horrible stuff for no reason as it makes them feel more important in there own little way tell her it says more about what a sad person they are on the inside and absolutely nothing about her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell her that sometimes when people are stupid and lack basic understanding they say equally stupid things. Tell her to pity him because it must be exhausting being so stupid all of the time

I am so sorry that happened to you, absolutely disgusting, I hope you report it and are ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be honest with her and tell her exactly what happened and why in an appropriate way.

You've nothing to be ashamed of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately there are arseholes everywhere. That scum is the lowest of the low. There should never be abuse aimed at you and for that wanker to to it in front of your daughter just adds to his prickishness. It is lamentable that we cannot perform public floggings of these characters.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

I preferred the youths who shouted "you should be in the Paralympics" as I overtook them on the pavement

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Unfortunately there are arseholes everywhere. That scum is the lowest of the low. There should never be abuse aimed at you and for that wanker to to it in front of your daughter just adds to his prickishness. It is lamentable that we cannot perform public floggings of these characters."

His life must be pretty fucking pathetic ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am saddened to hear that you experienced abuse today, it's absolutely awful.

I hope your daughter forgets the comment and you can go back to enjoying the morning trips to school together. If she does remember the word, just explain that some people are unkind to others but his comments do not stop us from having a fun journey to school every morning. Focusing on the fun between you and her to distract her from his comment.

Sending you a cwtch my lovely

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s wanky.

I’d own it though, explain what the word means in this context and why you think he used it to her.

She will undoubtedly face plenty of wankers during her lifetime, we all do, being prepared and having some understanding of why people can be so unhappy about their own lives is a great comfort in situations like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're just a person. What difference does it make to anyone if you use a wheelchair? (apart from exciting rides for your kid)

I think you should explain to your little one that there's good and bad people in the world. The fact that you let this knob walk away when you were so close to the railway lines says that you are the good people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is awful. It must be very hard personally and as a parent. Im really sorry and embaressed as a human that this happened. Why do people have to be so cruel? I would leave it as long as possible before telling her about this word to try and protect her innocence. I might be wrong in this but that would be my approach. Its a horrible situation to be in and only you can judge the right time and the right words. You sound like an amazing person and parent - my heart goes out to you and your daughter x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s wanky.

I’d own it though, explain what the word means in this context and why you think he used it to her.

Exactly this man.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

I'll pm you some tools which will help when I've stopped stuffing my face xxx

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By *pentoall555Man
over a year ago

benfleet

Love to meet this guy

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Be honest with her and tell her exactly what happened and why in an appropriate way.

You've nothing to be ashamed of."

This. My wife and I have sugar-coated very little for our daughter, only doing so where truly age-appropriate.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

So sorry to hear this, report it to the police as a hate crime.

I'd be truthful to my child that some people are rude, stupid and ignorant.

If she asks questions answer them in a way she'd understand without lying but you don't have to give information she isn't able to understand or need to know.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Tell her there are idiots in the world. And yeah it can hurt temporarily but you'll be fine.

My eldest the other day got called a pussy by a mate. He didn't know what it meant and he asked as he was upset. Told him pussy is another word for frou frou, and how can it be weak if he came out of it?

Kids I think deal with things better when they understand what is going on, rather than let their imaginations run wild.

Hope you're ok x

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"That’s wanky.

I’d own it though, explain what the word means in this context and why you think he used it to her.

Sam beat me to it.

What a shitter. I'm sorry.

I'm always in favour of explaining things to children (in an age-appropriate way) rather than avoiding, even though I find it really painful sometimes. I'd explain the specific word.

One of the things I continue to find most difficult in life is that we can't control what other people do. Doubly hard when it comes to people causing my children difficulties.

You rock

Mrs TMN xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her there are idiots in the world. And yeah it can hurt temporarily but you'll be fine.

Kids I think deal with things better when they understand what is going on, rather than let their imaginations run wild.

Hope you're ok x "

Frou frou!! Aw!!!

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"So sorry to hear this, report it to the police as a hate crime.

I'd be truthful to my child that some people are rude, stupid and ignorant.

If she asks questions answer them in a way she'd understand without lying but you don't have to give information she isn't able to understand or need to know. "

I agree with reporting it. OP seemed to be suggesting that it may not be worthwhile because she could not give a good description, but it is still worth the incident being recorded.

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By *al kalMan
over a year ago

london

I'm very sorry you both had to encounter this nonsense, from a person with clearly no sense. Karma or the Universe will catch up to this scumbag sooner or later.

Dealing with prejudice and negative judgments is something unfortunately more of us have to face than we should have to. Don't let the bad ones drag you down, and while clearly upsetting for you and your daughter, know that you have the respect and love from the many. And your daughter will grow to be braver and always proud of her mum, that I am sure.

Stay blessed.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm all for telling kids a child friendly version of the truth if possible. In this instance I would probably have done the same as you. If she does ask again I don't know if I'd tell her what he said, you'll have the whole "some people aren't very nice" discussion landed in your lap plus all the other stuff about why he said it to you and how you're different etc etc along with why she must never say it to anyone. I'd be tempted to say you didn't hear until you're ready to explain all that to her and she's ready to hear it. Not only is that person awful for saying it he's awful for opening up your daughter to that whole world of abusive people and trying to take a piece of her childlike innocence away. I'm so sorry it happened.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I'm so sorry you and your daughter have to deal with arseholes like that doing something you usually have such fun with.

I don't have kids so I'm not giving advice, just wanted to extend a hug.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

What a brave dickhead he is ! Complete tosser. Horrible for you and unwarranted. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so sorry this happened to you both. There's no excuses and I hope this person is hit by karma.

Your daughter sounds like quite a switched on wee girl. I think I'd just explain that some people are unkind and it's important to know that most people are not like that.

She might ask why and I'd probably say it's becauce they don't have any love in their lives.

It's likely she will accept that and move on.

Much as it's tempting to say more it's probably easier to keep her faith in humanity.

Hugs to you both xx

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

So sorry op, this is vile, what a knob.

Maybe just try explaining it's not a nice word used by some nasty people.

Hugs x

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Sadly as we know there are some vile people in society, and schools do present a bit of an issue as kids pick up language etc..

I would go with what others have said, explain to her that what was said wasn't nice and go from there..

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"I'll pm you some tools which will help when I've stopped stuffing my face xxx"

•

KC, she's going to be a while with her food. In the meantime sending you some positive vibes and love your way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs so sorry this happened shouldn’t happen to anyone

Some people are just nasty and vile and don’t deserve the life they have as there isn’t any need for that

Hopefully you better soon

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Just think, he'll be on the cans of special brew right now, probably with his mates, toking a smoke all looking at him a bit

listening to his epic 'I told her' story.

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By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Wot a brave man he his .love people like him wot a waste of space this low life piece of shit is...I'm so sorry that uv ad 2 experience this .sending hugs x

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

Thank you, thank you everyone above for your messages. I'm just about to go and produce a Teams Live thingy, so somewhat hectic here but will address messages later on.

Compersion - did you finish yet?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I preferred the youths who shouted "you should be in the Paralympics" as I overtook them on the pavement

I'd take this as a compliment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd go with the age appropriate words and explanation. It won't be the last time she ever hears bad stuff about anything.

Maybe ask if any kids in school say mean things and that can open a conversation about it.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I preferred the youths who shouted "you should be in the Paralympics" as I overtook them on the pavement

I'd take this as a compliment.

I did. I went faster then popped up a kerb for good measure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/01/22 13:40:44]

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

Update: no further comments or questions came from Little Miss Sponge/Parrot so I won't be saying anything to her unless she mentions it.

I tried to call the non emergency Police number at lunch but no avail so sent a FB message to the GM Police "report stuff" thingy, automated reply only so far.

Work kept me super duper busy all day and have just finished at the gym so my mind has been elsewhere. I'm pretty thick skinned, it's not the words that hurt me. It's my situation being used against my child. As the OP says, it's never happened before but I've harboured concerns about it, more from the school playground perspective though. I suppose when she's older, we might have to explain various things around my situation and we will.

I still don't know how I'll ever explain (without white lying) about how my injury came to be.

One for the future, to place in the little box at the back of my brain. The one that I prefer to keep shut but sometimes needs to be opened.

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By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman
over a year ago

lancashire

That's totally shocking and disgusting behavior...some humans are a disgrace. Hope your ok OP..regarding telling your daughter how your accident happened...kids are quite resilient about things and take things so much easier than us adults. Big hugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s terrible, blooming awful.

Think I’d just explain to her that the word is a bad word and that it’s intended to hurt people and the person who said it doesn’t understand it himself.

So sorry you were put through that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, I swear to Christ, I’d have absolutely twatted the bastard for you. I am so, SO sorry that you had to experience that. There are NO words to describe the type of lowlife scummy bastard who would do this xxx

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

What the bloody hell is wrong with some people?? I’m sorry you and your little girl had to hear that lovely, what an absolute arse!

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Sounds like you have a great bond with your daughter that will far outweigh any inexcusable prejudice you and her may have to contend with.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm so sorry, that's awful.

I don't remember quite that young, but when I was a little older my mum would say of certain words (not necessarily aimed at anyone around me), that's a very rude word, it means (factual definition) and some people aren't as polite or kind as they should be. Obviously a different position when it's a slur aimed at you, though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry you had to deal with that, unfortunately there are nasty people in the world. My daughter has had to deal with comments like that all her school life as her brothers are disabled. It’s made her a more understanding and compassionate person. X

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

Hey KC, this is absolutely shocking and disgraceful. Unfortunately some very ignorant people think it is acceptable and even funny.

I see this quite a lot in my job, I teach, and when I do I shut them down straight away and usually tell them how ignorant they are and leave them in no doubt what I think of them. As for what to tell your daughter I'm not sure but maybe explain to her when you have some quiet mother & daughter time. Maybe some of the qualified bodies will give you some advice on this.

It isn't just limited to the general public. Our health minister has used the word cretin to respond to derogitary comments about his race. To his rebuttle was every bit as bad because he used a congenital contidion to insult someone. Without medication my daughter would be called a cretin.

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