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Ethical question...

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By *parkle1974 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?

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By *asual777Man
over a year ago

i travel all over

I think you can share that you have some concerns and that you’ve heard x or seen y

It’s possible for people to mature and change

But absolutely do not advise her to leave him or say that it will affect your friendship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?"

None would give her a couple off facts and then let her make her own choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want to help her she may not be receptive when she is initially enthusiastic about him - you need to pick your moment if you are going to succeed in helping her. Otherwise you you may alienate her and be less able to help.

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By *parkle1974 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Can I just add that this is a hypothetical question and not a position I am in x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?"

I would keep quiet, and if things go south which, if what you say is true, be there to pick her up, hold her hand and say nothing or judge. Just be a friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?"

Love is blind, keep checking on in her from time to time to see how things are developing.

If you try to talk her out of it she might be more inclined to do the opposite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?"

Sometimes you got to take a step back and let people work it out for themselves. Interjecting will only lead to resentment and may be seen by your friend as trying to control what she’s doing. Just be there for her if it doesn’t work out.

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By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman
over a year ago

lancashire

Let your friend know about his reputation and let her make her own mind up...if it goes all wrong be there for her with saying 'I told you so'..

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By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman
over a year ago

lancashire


"Let your friend know about his reputation and let her make her own mind up...if it goes all wrong be there for her with saying 'I told you so'.. "

Sorry that should have said...'with out' saying told you so

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Would never tell someone not to do something but maybe give them some reasons for reservations but then it’s up to them how they want to process that and deal with it.

Maybe they already have the red flags or gut instinct and saying something may confirm things but it would always be their choice.

I’d be there to support them whatever choices they make.

K

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?

I would keep quiet, and if things go south which, if what you say is true, be there to pick her up, hold her hand and say nothing or judge. Just be a friend"

I think this is me too

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

I guess it would depend on a few things. How close is your friendship and what evidence you have of this guy’s behaviour.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Holibobs

I wouldn't say anything, just because he's been an arse before doesn't mean he will be there this time, also I don't want to taint their relationship with stories of previous activities.

I would instead support her in which ever way she needed me to

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wouldn't do either. I'm a friend not a parent in this situation and my job is to support and advise "if asked". Obviously if I saw something dangerous was developing I'd ask her if she wanted my help but it's not up to me to decide if my friends need to learn a lesson.

Who's to say this man won't change?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I just add that this is a hypothetical question and not a position I am in x"

You're asking for a friend right

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By *ssexPolyGentMan
over a year ago

southend

You can only offer friendly advice, it still has to be their discussion to live their life as they choose, any more than that and you risk losing a friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her your concerns? But let her know you’re there whatever she decides?

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By *parkle1974 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Can I just add that this is a hypothetical question and not a position I am in x

You're asking for a friend right "

No. I was asking just to see what others would do if they were faced with that scenario.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What would you do op?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I just add that this is a hypothetical question and not a position I am in x

You're asking for a friend right

No. I was asking just to see what others would do if they were faced with that scenario."

What would you do OP?

NBVN x

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

If it was my best mate we'd probably have a heart to heart and I'd tell her what facts I know, keeping my opinions out of it. If it's all my opinion without any hard evidence then I wouldn't try to foist that on her.

With anyone else I wouldn't attempt to interfere. As the relationship develops I might ask questions but otherwise I'd just be there to support if it went tits-up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d maybe tell her to be careful but I wouldn’t particularly interfere, you never know maybe that person will be different with your friend.

Unless someone has done something really despicable (like, talking border line jail time) then I’d let her see for herself x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?"

Been in this exact situation but the person was a lass. A person will not listen until they are ready to. Many people tried to warn me and tell me she was not healthy for me but I ignored as she showed me a side of herself I wanted to see to overlook the toxicity.

All you can do it try but expect friction when you do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’d maybe tell her to be careful but I wouldn’t particularly interfere, you never know maybe that person will be different with your friend.

Unless someone has done something really despicable (like, talking border line jail time) then I’d let her see for herself x "

Do you actually believe that a toxic person can be 100% different with someone else?

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

I would tell her to be careful, then give her a shortened version of his history. You can't tell her what to do, you can only give her advice and be there if it goes wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hyperthetically I would just say to my friend that I've heard some rumours about him. If my friend wanted to know they would ask. Puts the ball in their court so to speak.

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By *uietbloke67Man
over a year ago

outside your bedroom window ;-)


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?"

A quiet word, tell them anything they do now will be their choice and that if you are right, you will still be there to pick up the pieces.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?

Love is blind, keep checking on in her from time to time to see how things are developing.

If you try to talk her out of it she might be more inclined to do the opposite."

I should add as you do this she will hopefully find out what type of person she is involved with and make her own mind up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’d maybe tell her to be careful but I wouldn’t particularly interfere, you never know maybe that person will be different with your friend.

Unless someone has done something really despicable (like, talking border line jail time) then I’d let her see for herself x

Do you actually believe that a toxic person can be 100% different with someone else? "

I’m not saying 100% different , but doesn’t mean that they will have the exact experience with the same toxic person…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’d maybe tell her to be careful but I wouldn’t particularly interfere, you never know maybe that person will be different with your friend.

Unless someone has done something really despicable (like, talking border line jail time) then I’d let her see for herself x

Do you actually believe that a toxic person can be 100% different with someone else?

I’m not saying 100% different , but doesn’t mean that they will have the exact experience with the same toxic person… "

I guess. But doesn't that just mean that the toxic person found someone that they can control? I have found that toxic people like to manipulate and bully people and when they meet someone that does not take that then the fireworks go off. This is what considers someone toxic I guess

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By *parkle1974 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I'd tell her what I knew but leave it up to her to decide what to do with the information x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd tell her what I knew but leave it up to her to decide what to do with the information x "

This is the best way. Wouldn't you get annoyed if she disregarded the information and just continued? Would you still be able go be around her knowing what he's like with him there?

This kind of situation is what breaks friendships. Even the friends since childhood kind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’d maybe tell her to be careful but I wouldn’t particularly interfere, you never know maybe that person will be different with your friend.

Unless someone has done something really despicable (like, talking border line jail time) then I’d let her see for herself x

Do you actually believe that a toxic person can be 100% different with someone else?

I’m not saying 100% different , but doesn’t mean that they will have the exact experience with the same toxic person…

I guess. But doesn't that just mean that the toxic person found someone that they can control? I have found that toxic people like to manipulate and bully people and when they meet someone that does not take that then the fireworks go off. This is what considers someone toxic I guess "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?"

I am in this situation. I have given them evidence of what the person is like. They know from their own experience what the person is like. I really hope they don't go back.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This leads me to ask other questions. How much of our friend's business is our business? Does friendship entitle or even require us to advise even if advice hasn't been asked for?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd tell her what I knew but leave it up to her to decide what to do with the information x

This is the best way. Wouldn't you get annoyed if she disregarded the information and just continued? Would you still be able go be around her knowing what he's like with him there?

This kind of situation is what breaks friendships. Even the friends since childhood kind "

I think meddling in a friend's relationship is more likely to break a friendship.

I wouldn't meddle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?

I am in this situation. I have given them evidence of what the person is like. They know from their own experience what the person is like. I really hope they don't go back. "

I have been in this situation and they will not leave till they're ready. Toxic narcissistic people are horrible to have in your life as they will essentially brain wash you in to needing them in your life, no matter how strong of a person you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This leads me to ask other questions. How much of our friend's business is our business? Does friendship entitle or even require us to advise even if advice hasn't been asked for?"

This also poses the questions... Are opinions best kept to yourself? Is other people's business yours even if it would benefit them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Almost impossible to answer without knowing the character of your friend. It's almost certain that what ever you do will be initially wrong but right in hindsight.

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By *parkle1974 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"This leads me to ask other questions. How much of our friend's business is our business? Does friendship entitle or even require us to advise even if advice hasn't been asked for?"

I think it all depends on how close the friendships are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In life we all make mistakes

Mine have been major fubar

Let her work it out for herself

In life we all learn and you will still keep her as friend when chap shows his true colours

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Learn the lesson on her own.

You never know, these guys always change and settle down, this woman might be the one he does that for.

Perhaps a word of caution given, but framed as, "just so you know".

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By *parkle1974 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I'd tell her what I knew but leave it up to her to decide what to do with the information x

This is the best way. Wouldn't you get annoyed if she disregarded the information and just continued? Would you still be able go be around her knowing what he's like with him there?

This kind of situation is what breaks friendships. Even the friends since childhood kind "

That would be her choice but I would make it clear that I would always have her back and look out for her.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"I think it all depends on how close the friendships are. "

I think this is the case in any 'what should I do about my friend' situations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your friend has excitedly shared that she has a new love in her life. Unfortunately, you know the guy is a narcissistic player who only stays with a woman as long as he is getting what he wants from the relationship.

Do you try to convince her to drop him or let her learn a lesson on her own?

I am in this situation. I have given them evidence of what the person is like. They know from their own experience what the person is like. I really hope they don't go back.

I have been in this situation and they will not leave till they're ready. Toxic narcissistic people are horrible to have in your life as they will essentially brain wash you in to needing them in your life, no matter how strong of a person you are. "

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