FabSwingers.com forum: The joys of being a woman...

By *parkle1974 OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

This is absolutely sooo bloody true!! Being a woman isn't always about make-up, nails, hair and sexy lingerie .....IT'S.....

Pulling long hairs out of your arse crack after a shower.

When you have a bath and your vagina swallows a gallon of water.... you’re walking around 20 mins after drying and dressing and feel like you've pissed your knickers.

Shaving your fanny as smooth as a babies bottom & it’s so prickly the next day.

Walking in front of your friend and saying “can you check me?” when you're not entirely sure if MotherNature has come to say hello again and she’s showing herself on your newly washed jeans.

Pulling a dry tampon out. That was the day Satan REALLY outdid himself.

Ripping out a pube on a sanitary towel.

Vaginal ingrown hairs.

The cum run.

Trial and error every new vibrator out there to stop you chasing toxic boys.

That little fart bubble that sometimes travels up your flaps and having to do that little wiggle to pop it.

When they’ve got you in that angle during doggy and the air builds up in your fanny and you let out a monster fanny fart!

Having to hold your titties when you run up the stairs without a bra on!

Having to “scoop” the boobs back into your bra when they’re uncomfy!

Having to have smears, although it doesn't hurt it’s just another worry for a women to have.

The pure headache from having your hair up in a ponytail all day and the relief of taking it out and giving yourself a head rub at the back where the bobble was.

Sneezing when on your period.........

Crying for absolutely no reason... and then feeling stupid about it.

Cupping shower water in between your boobies and then unleashing the tsunami that's gathered there!

Bunching up a load of toilet roll and stuffing it in your knickers when there are no sanitary products at hand.

Leaving your most creative hair paintings in the shower, as a priceless gift.

Licking melted chocolate off your boob...that you didn't realise you'd dropped half an hour ago.

Cupping your boobies... why? Because its comfortable!

The list goes on...what a species we are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fantastic post!

I think you’ve covered everything, but I will have a think of there’s any more I can think of.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Licking melted chocolate off your boob...that you didn't realise you'd dropped half an hour ago.

That's a bad thing?

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Oh my you have really cheered me up with that list

And my eyes watered reading the pubes stuck to a sanitary towel…definitely an oucher

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Period blood clots anyone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And yet there are so many people wanting to change their gender. I don't think a man will ever really know what it is to be a woman.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’m forever finding crisps in my bra. Not packet of crisps, just solitary ones.

And don’t forget that rogue bra underwire that decides to slowly creep up and out of your top when you’re in work (it’s always when you’re in work).

Tights that are too small and slowly work their way down your legs through the day.

When your thing gives your fanny a wedgie, the pain!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"I’m forever finding crisps in my bra. Not packet of crisps, just solitary ones.

And don’t forget that rogue bra underwire that decides to slowly creep up and out of your top when you’re in work (it’s always when you’re in work).

Tights that are too small and slowly work their way down your legs through the day.

When your thing gives your fanny a wedgie, the pain!"

Thong not thing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chub rub on a hot day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another woe is woman thread

I stubbed my toe last week...should I do a woe is my toe thread?

If noochie was here...he would x

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

. Love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chub rub on a hot day

And under boob sweat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Another woe is woman thread

I stubbed my toe last week...should I do a woe is my toe thread?

If noochie was here...he would x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Chub rub on a hot day

And under boob sweat! "

Not to mention disco fanny!

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Another woe is woman thread

I stubbed my toe last week...should I do a woe is my toe thread?

If noochie was here...he would x"

It’s not a woe is woman thread. It’s funny

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Chub rub on a hot day

And under boob sweat!

Not to mention disco fanny!

Disco minge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Another woe is woman thread

I stubbed my toe last week...should I do a woe is my toe thread?

If noochie was here...he would x

My post is not serious x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I kinda like the fart bubble in the flaps....but then I am odd.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

following this thread will show it to her later, some of them definitely made me crack a smile thinking of her

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Period blood clots anyone?

Bad stomach as well at time of month anyone??

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

Yeah but how great is it when you get back from the cinema and you have all that bonus popcorn in your bra!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Losing your knickers because your arse was hungry then trying to discreetly fish them out while in public.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Yeah but how great is it when you get back from the cinema and you have all that bonus popcorn in your bra!

Not on a warm day

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Had me chuckling.

I’ll add a couple of I may.

Saving money so try bikini waxing yourself and end up with blood blisters, thankful only put one strip on

Veet on legs fine, under the arm hell no, burn and red raw for a couple of days.

A fun one though soaking up your boobs and then using your arms pull away to see how big a bubble you can make

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

"Yeah but how great is it when you get back from the cinema and you have all that bonus popcorn in your bra!

Not on a warm day

Soggy popcorn marinated in boob sweat not your thing?!

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Period blood clots anyone?

Bad stomach as well at time of month anyone?? "

Constipation then the inevitable just before my period yep

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I’m forever finding crisps in my bra. Not packet of crisps, just solitary ones.

And don’t forget that rogue bra underwire that decides to slowly creep up and out of your top when you’re in work (it’s always when you’re in work).

Tights that are too small and slowly work their way down your legs through the day.

When your thing gives your fanny a wedgie, the pain!

Thong not thing!

So you've never shouted "Fucking thing!"?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Chub rub on a hot day

And under boob sweat! "

Some blokes get that too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Period blood clots anyone?

Bad stomach as well at time of month anyone?? "

Like peanut butter and jam on white bread (sorry!)

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Having guys wrapped around your finger

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Yeah but how great is it when you get back from the cinema and you have all that bonus popcorn in your bra!

Not on a warm day

Soggy popcorn marinated in boob sweat not your thing?!"

Only from others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

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By *nto the LouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

Who else remembers the good old danger days of shaving your legs with a brand new Bic orange razor and a bar of soap?!!

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Ha ha! All so true!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I kinda like the fart bubble in the flaps....but then I am odd."

It's a fantastic feeling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ladies ladies yes you have a few good points but come on us men don't have a easy life fook sake you tried picking 6 winners in super 6 never mind correct scores im off for a lay down my head's hurting now just thinking about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had one of those days and this thread has cheered me up no end!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/01/22 19:42:36]

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob"

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

Who else remembers the good old danger days of shaving your legs with a brand new Bic orange razor and a bar of soap?!!"

Anyone remember little pads you’d slide your hand in and basically sandpaper the hair off your legs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Glad I don't have my periods anymore reading this!

I am a well endowed lady and I am always losing chocolate down there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Another woe is woman thread

I stubbed my toe last week...should I do a woe is my toe thread?

If noochie was here...he would x

Sense of humour bypass?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/01/22 19:47:53]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who else remembers the good old danger days of shaving your legs with a brand new Bic orange razor and a bar of soap?!!

Anyone remember little pads you’d slide your hand in and basically sandpaper the hair off your legs

Haha yes and my eldest recently brought some after a TikTok review. Poor soul

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

It made me chuckle x

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

Who else remembers the good old danger days of shaving your legs with a brand new Bic orange razor and a bar of soap?!!

Anyone remember little pads you’d slide your hand in and basically sandpaper the hair off your legs

Haha yes and my eldest recently brought some after a TikTok review. Poor soul "

Ah god the sting afterwards!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it "

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights "

A lighter? Impressive

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By *organ DeanWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

Who else remembers the good old danger days of shaving your legs with a brand new Bic orange razor and a bar of soap?!!

Anyone remember little pads you’d slide your hand in and basically sandpaper the hair off your legs

I had those! Used them only once

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights "

Everything used to go in mine, keys, bank card, money, lighter, chewing gum to name a few. Sometimes you forget it’s there and had a few laughs with company and bra removal

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights "

I should’ve done this on a hen do - lost my keys, money, make up, basically everything fell out of my bag. Also lost my glasses (took them off to sort out fake lash hanging off) oh and lost my jacket the same night too

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

Who else remembers the good old danger days of shaving your legs with a brand new Bic orange razor and a bar of soap?!!

Anyone remember little pads you’d slide your hand in and basically sandpaper the hair off your legs

I had those! Used them only once

Same!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love this, very accurate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The brass band sounding fanny farts...

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights

Oh crikey lady that’s a lot of losses in one night

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights

Oh crikey lady that’s a lot of losses in one night

12 hours out drinking - not my finest hour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

90% of these I thought only I did

good to know I'm not the only one!!

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

I began to read and then stopped.

There is a romantic mystery to a woman. An enigmatic veil that we men don't quite understand and we ascribe mythical properties to you all as a result.

I have no idea why you would want to cast off the Emperesses New Clothes to reveal a Primark bra and knickers below.

Please leave us thinking you can feel a pea in the bed (not accidentally pee the bed). That you have intuition rather than indigestion. And that the poof we hear is talc from a fairy and not a fart from your Mary.

Thanks...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny stuff (if you're not personally living it), but having lived with wife and daughter into adulthood I am no stranger to ladies tribulations. My daughter was frighteningly frank!

I realised I stand no hope though, I'll never fill a one gallon vagina...

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"90% of these I thought only I did

good to know I'm not the only one!! "

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

We don’t always agree but this post is absolutely spot on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights

Everything used to go in mine, keys, bank card, money, lighter, chewing gum to name a few. Sometimes you forget it’s there and had a few laughs with company and bra removal

Hilarious to think of everything dropping out when the bra is unclasped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I began to read and then stopped.

There is a romantic mystery to a woman. An enigmatic veil that we men don't quite understand and we ascribe mythical properties to you all as a result.

I have no idea why you would want to cast off the Emperesses New Clothes to reveal a Primark bra and knickers below.

Thanks..."

No.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights

We've all been there! Lost some memories too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I began to read and then stopped.

There is a romantic mystery to a woman. An enigmatic veil that we men don't quite understand and we ascribe mythical properties to you all as a result.

I have no idea why you would want to cast off the Emperesses New Clothes to reveal a Primark bra and knickers below.

Thanks...

No. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant but you forgot that moment you take off your bra after a long day and they just fall out and you can hear them sigh with relief

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By *entative_steps7781Couple
over a year ago

Home

Brilliant post! Relate to soo many of these

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By *parkle1974 OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Brilliant but you forgot that moment you take off your bra after a long day and they just fall out and you can hear them sigh with relief

Oh that's a good one too

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Brilliant but you forgot that moment you take off your bra after a long day and they just fall out and you can hear them sigh with relief

I always give mine a good old scratch, it’s a relief to get the bra off haha

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By *ontowatchMan
over a year ago

east sussex

Great post

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

When you’re slouched on the sofa and have big boobs. You try to sip some wine from a long stem wine glass but the boobs get in the way and then you lose control of the wine glass. You end up feeding your cheek two slurpfuls of wine and you worry if your blusher is now running down your cheek.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ladies, thank you for putting up with everything in this hysterical and educational thread, including men.

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

"When you’re slouched on the sofa and have big boobs. You try to sip some wine from a long stem wine glass but the boobs get in the way and then you lose control of the wine glass. You end up feeding your cheek two slurpfuls of wine and you worry if your blusher is now running down your cheek.

when the base gets caught on your boobs and you spill it down yourself! Yep! All the time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha ha the list is endless !

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

That gushing feeling when you stand up and the "light" period of the morning-time has suddenly become Nigara Falls

Swimwear in bra sizing that only fits certain bits in, because my arse is not a 36G but my boobs are!

Button up shirts that gape, no matter what size you buy...

Thrush and needing to use a vaginal suppository

The wet nappy feeling when you're in a work meeting, your pad needs changing but you can't get to the loo

And for some special women like me, fishing out your ring pessary. Mr KC is an expert in putting it back for me. He's better at it than the gynaecologist

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By *haron StonerTV/TS
over a year ago

Haywards Heath

Love it when those puppies come out after work and they look so good before they go all saggy!

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By *hosewhomgonakedCouple
over a year ago

Scotland

Very much enjoyed reading this!

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By *inAndTonic21Couple
over a year ago

Merseyside

This is brilliant haha xx

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Love it when those puppies come out after work and they look so good before they go all saggy!"

My saggy boobs look marvelous thanking you

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

Good news! You can be made all better by taking these antibiotics.

Bad news, you’ll now get thrush

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Who else remembers the good old danger days of shaving your legs with a brand new Bic orange razor and a bar of soap?!!

Anyone remember little pads you’d slide your hand in and basically sandpaper the hair off your legs

Haha yes and my eldest recently brought some after a TikTok review. Poor soul "

Tik Tok? More like Tut Tut!

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

That made me laugh!

Did you add planks to the list? Uncomfortable or what!!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Good news! You can be made all better by taking these antibiotics.

Bad news, you’ll now get thrush "

UTI or thrush? It's a real choice, eh?!?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I began to read and then stopped.

There is a romantic mystery to a woman. An enigmatic veil that we men don't quite understand and we ascribe mythical properties to you all as a result.

I have no idea why you would want to cast off the Emperesses New Clothes to reveal a Primark bra and knickers below.

Thanks..."

Then you get married and poof, it's gone..

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"I kinda like the fart bubble in the flaps....but then I am odd."

Me too I just didn't want to be the first to say it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I kinda like the fart bubble in the flaps....but then I am odd.

Me too I just didn't want to be the first to say it

Tickles sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wearing a non-padded bra and "accidentally" brushing against things all day.

Dripping dry when there's no one to pass you loo roll from the next stall.

Starfishing in front of a fan with your legs wide open on a hot summer night.

Burying your face into your own cleavage when you wear a push up bra because it feels all all soft and squishy and warm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wonderful post!

Thank you Sparkle x

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I thought this only happened to me because I was clumsy. Thanks for the reassurance it's not just me.

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By *iromancergirl1Woman
over a year ago

bolton

"Good news! You can be made all better by taking these antibiotics.

Bad news, you’ll now get thrush

UTI or thrush? It's a real choice, eh?!?!

"
and those lovely chalky pessaries they give you to treat it which look like your excreating plaster of Paris the next day

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By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Loved this thread thank u ladies 4 bien open and honest ..think we av it easy x

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Good news! You can be made all better by taking these antibiotics.

Bad news, you’ll now get thrush

UTI or thrush? It's a real choice, eh?!?!

and those lovely chalky pessaries they give you to treat it which look like your excreating plaster of Paris the next day"

I hate them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And the stabbing you get when the wire pops out of place in your underwired bra. Ouch!

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By *ollycouple71Couple
over a year ago

manchester

Who else remembers the good old danger days of shaving your legs with a brand new Bic orange razor and a bar of soap?!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m convinced that my hair grows back instantly when I sneeze. Literally as soon as I’ve shaved, moments later I can sneeze and boom! The little buggers are coming through already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And the stabbing you get when the wire pops out of place in your underwired bra. Ouch!"

When you suddenly realise there's six inches poking out your top!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"And the stabbing you get when the wire pops out of place in your underwired bra. Ouch!

When you suddenly realise there's six inches poking out your top!"

I was going to say, "isn't that a tit wank" but realised it couldn't if only 6"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the tampon decides to be the world's champion gymnast and the string is somewhere in your fallopian tubes. The panic.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Finding the loose change you put in your bra stuck to your boob resulting in a tiny, temporary stamp of the Queen's face on your boob

The perfect purse on a night out, never lost it

I've found all sorts in there when I've got home - house key, lighter, confetti. It's like Mary Poppins' bag some nights

Everything used to go in mine, keys, bank card, money, lighter, chewing gum to name a few. Sometimes you forget it’s there and had a few laughs with company and bra removal

Hilarious to think of everything dropping out when the bra is unclasped

Except the things that stick

one chap, bless him attentively inspected and picked off all the coins before saying ‘what is going to pop out the knickers’ he learnt what the pockets are for in underwear

but we did have a good laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And the stabbing you get when the wire pops out of place in your underwired bra. Ouch!

When you suddenly realise there's six inches poking out your top!

I was going to say, "isn't that a tit wank" but realised it couldn't if only 6"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did have a meet recently where he took my bra off and my lipstick fell out, which confused him for a funny few moments.

I think all women just get to a point where popping things in your bra for "safekeeping" just becomes second nature.

Although I am known amongst my friends for once being able to sneak an entire bottle of wine into a bar between my boobs. I'd done it before with vodka but I officially reached legend status after that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those sharp stabbing pains that can appear at random up your foof or your butt..so painful they make you shout out and do a little jump..feels like someone shoved a knife up there

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By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman
over a year ago

lancashire

"This is absolutely sooo bloody true!! Being a woman isn't always about make-up, nails, hair and sexy lingerie .....IT'S.....

Pulling long hairs out of your arse crack after a shower.

When you have a bath and your vagina swallows a gallon of water.... you’re walking around 20 mins after drying and dressing and feel like you've pissed your knickers.

Shaving your fanny as smooth as a babies bottom & it’s so prickly the next day.

Walking in front of your friend and saying “can you check me?” when you're not entirely sure if MotherNature has come to say hello again and she’s showing herself on your newly washed jeans.

Pulling a dry tampon out. That was the day Satan REALLY outdid himself.

Ripping out a pube on a sanitary towel.

Vaginal ingrown hairs.

The cum run.

Trial and error every new vibrator out there to stop you chasing toxic boys.

That little fart bubble that sometimes travels up your flaps and having to do that little wiggle to pop it.

When they’ve got you in that angle during doggy and the air builds up in your fanny and you let out a monster fanny fart!

Having to hold your titties when you run up the stairs without a bra on!

Having to “scoop” the boobs back into your bra when they’re uncomfy!

Having to have smears, although it doesn't hurt it’s just another worry for a women to have.

The pure headache from having your hair up in a ponytail all day and the relief of taking it out and giving yourself a head rub at the back where the bobble was.

Sneezing when on your period.........

Crying for absolutely no reason... and then feeling stupid about it.

Cupping shower water in between your boobies and then unleashing the tsunami that's gathered there!

Bunching up a load of toilet roll and stuffing it in your knickers when there are no sanitary products at hand.

Leaving your most creative hair paintings in the shower, as a priceless gift.

Licking melted chocolate off your boob...that you didn't realise you'd dropped half an hour ago.

Cupping your boobies... why? Because its comfortable!

The list goes on...what a species we are

Loving this OP....all so true

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I quite enjoy the cum run

Perimenopausal bleeding is something I wasn’t prepared for. Bloody hell. Literally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did have a meet recently where he took my bra off and my lipstick fell out, which confused him for a funny few moments.

I think all women just get to a point where popping things in your bra for "safekeeping" just becomes second nature.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"90% of these I thought only I did

good to know I'm not the only one!! "

Same

I didn’t dare ask about the fart that takes the path up between my vertical lips! So glad that’s not just me.

I can’t lick anything off my boobs though and haven’t tried the boob Sunami yet….. tomorrow!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I did have a meet recently where he took my bra off and my lipstick fell out, which confused him for a funny few moments.

I think all women just get to a point where popping things in your bra for "safekeeping" just becomes second nature.

Am I not correct in saying bras were invented for the conveying of car keys?! Where the heck else am I meant to put them as I hop out to the car?!

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

"Good news! You can be made all better by taking these antibiotics.

Bad news, you’ll now get thrush

UTI or thrush? It's a real choice, eh?!?!

and those lovely chalky pessaries they give you to treat it which look like your excreating plaster of Paris the next day"

These are a royal bastard!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did have a meet recently where he took my bra off and my lipstick fell out, which confused him for a funny few moments.

I think all women just get to a point where popping things in your bra for "safekeeping" just becomes second nature.

Am I not correct in saying bras were invented for the conveying of car keys?! Where the heck else am I meant to put them as I hop out to the car?!

Yep, why the hell would I go to the trouble of using a gym locker for my keys and phone when I have a perfectly good sports bra?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha ha, I have that problem a lot x

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Burying your face into your own cleavage when you wear a push up bra because it feels all all soft and squishy and warm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was with my gyne surgeon today. I’m sure he thinks I’m under anaesthetic when he inserts the speculum

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I was with my gyne surgeon today. I’m sure he thinks I’m under anaesthetic when he inserts the speculum

Mr KC is better at putting my ring pessary back in than the gynaecologist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was with my gyne surgeon today. I’m sure he thinks I’m under anaesthetic when he inserts the speculum

Mr KC is better at putting my ring pessary back in than the gynaecologist

I’m hoping that was my last time.

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By *oreThanCurvyWoman
over a year ago

Bucks

I agree, always hide my phone there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And yet there are so many people wanting to change their gender. I don't think a man will ever really know what it is to be a woman. "

It’s usually not like a choice, like I don’t know… changing colour of their hair…but more like a necessity, I’m just saying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Had me chuckling.

I’ll add a couple of I may.

Saving money so try bikini waxing yourself and end up with blood blisters, thankful only put one strip on

Veet on legs fine, under the arm hell no, burn and red raw for a couple of days.

A fun one though soaking up your boobs and then using your arms pull away to see how big a bubble you can make "

Honestly, I was DONE with the whole blisters or ingrown hair situ, I know it can be expensive but hair laser everywhere and it changed my life

Even better than the professional wax

The joys of taking literally 2 mins every few weeks (the odd hair can still grow but it’s so thin and weak) to just run the razor under the shower , is so worth it! X

I’m gonna mention taking a lifetime to get ready…especially if there’s doing hair etc involved… don’t trust us when we say “yes I’ll be ready in 15

mins”

NOT GONNA HAPPEN

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By *il sub princessWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

I love the woman who originally wrote this, it's the bit about our vaginas swallowing gallons of water that kills me. So funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“That little fart bubble that sometimes travels up your flaps and having to do that little wiggle to pop it.

When they’ve got you in that angle during doggy and the air builds up in your fanny and you let out a monster fanny fart!”

soooo funny

didn’t even know that happened...!

Just goes to show that being a women isn’t as easy as “being a women”.

Think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl and work like a horse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the hot as fuck man walks into the bathroom just as you're shaving the rogue nipple hair.

*insert mortified face*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The multiorgasms are good though (apologies if that’s been mentioned, it’s late and I’m lazy

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is hard to be a woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I began to read and then stopped.

There is a romantic mystery to a woman. An enigmatic veil that we men don't quite understand and we ascribe mythical properties to you all as a result.

I have no idea why you would want to cast off the Emperesses New Clothes to reveal a Primark bra and knickers below.

Thanks...

Then you get married and poof, it's gone..

Ah I got married and it wasn't gone !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When the hot as fuck man walks into the bathroom just as you're shaving the rogue nipple hair.

*insert mortified face*"

!!!!

Funny as fuck!

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"This is absolutely sooo bloody true!! Being a woman isn't always about make-up, nails, hair and sexy lingerie .....IT'S.....

Pulling long hairs out of your arse crack after a shower.

When you have a bath and your vagina swallows a gallon of water.... you’re walking around 20 mins after drying and dressing and feel like you've pissed your knickers.

Shaving your fanny as smooth as a babies bottom & it’s so prickly the next day.

Walking in front of your friend and saying “can you check me?” when you're not entirely sure if MotherNature has come to say hello again and she’s showing herself on your newly washed jeans.

Pulling a dry tampon out. That was the day Satan REALLY outdid himself.

Ripping out a pube on a sanitary towel.

Vaginal ingrown hairs.

The cum run.

Trial and error every new vibrator out there to stop you chasing toxic boys.

That little fart bubble that sometimes travels up your flaps and having to do that little wiggle to pop it.

When they’ve got you in that angle during doggy and the air builds up in your fanny and you let out a monster fanny fart!

Having to hold your titties when you run up the stairs without a bra on!

Having to “scoop” the boobs back into your bra when they’re uncomfy!

Having to have smears, although it doesn't hurt it’s just another worry for a women to have.

The pure headache from having your hair up in a ponytail all day and the relief of taking it out and giving yourself a head rub at the back where the bobble was.

Sneezing when on your period.........

Crying for absolutely no reason... and then feeling stupid about it.

Cupping shower water in between your boobies and then unleashing the tsunami that's gathered there!

Bunching up a load of toilet roll and stuffing it in your knickers when there are no sanitary products at hand.

Leaving your most creative hair paintings in the shower, as a priceless gift.

Licking melted chocolate off your boob...that you didn't realise you'd dropped half an hour ago.

Cupping your boobies... why? Because its comfortable!

The list goes on...what a species we are

So scarily accurate it's funny!

The period poop & period farts are horrendous - I was on nights last week and thank god I was in the resettlement unit with all prisoners locked away because my farts were toxic for a couple of nights.

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

I don't fart in front of my boyfriend as its a new relationship and I don't want to scare him but the other night he gave me a really intense orgasm and my arse thought it should join in and comment - it sounded like a zip

I'm just thankful it didn't smell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loved reading this

so true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol definitely a good and all true read thank you ladies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't fart in front of my boyfriend as its a new relationship and I don't want to scare him but the other night he gave me a really intense orgasm and my arse thought it should join in and comment - it sounded like a zip

I'm just thankful it didn't smell"

Hahaha same!! I’d rather die than have my man hear me fart… or see me go to the toilet…I’m extremely conscious…

In the meantime, on planet Mars… the amount of guys who’d let one go, and laugh about it or giggle to themselves and say “wasn’t me”

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

But surely the joy of scented candles and incantations compensates all those hardships?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But surely the joy of scented candles and incantations compensates all those hardships?

Yep

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By *d4fun73Man
over a year ago

Shipley

So basically the gist I got from this is..

Boobs are like having a extra cupboard to store stuff.

Fannys are like a slightly dodgy plumbing system.. When it works it's fine but at other times makes funny noises and leaks!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Licking melted chocolate off your boob...that you didn't realise you'd dropped half an hour ago.

That's a bad thing?"

You can be first in the queue, but I’m second….

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I'm just thankful it didn't smell

Hahaha same!! I’d rather die than have my man hear me fart… or see me go to the toilet…I’m extremely conscious…

In the meantime, on planet Mars… the amount of guys who’d let one go, and laugh about it or giggle to themselves and say “wasn’t me”

When you're married and/or have kids, going to the toilet in front of other people becomes the norm

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Taking your bra off at the end of the day and finding snacks.

Looking at my children and grandchildren knowing they were grown on unique booby juice and the horrors of feeding a child with tongue tie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm just thankful it didn't smell

Hahaha same!! I’d rather die than have my man hear me fart… or see me go to the toilet…I’m extremely conscious…

In the meantime, on planet Mars… the amount of guys who’d let one go, and laugh about it or giggle to themselves and say “wasn’t me”

When you're married and/or have kids, going to the toilet in front of other people becomes the norm

Yep. A private jobbie counts as "Me Time".

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"This is absolutely sooo bloody true!! Being a woman isn't always about make-up, nails, hair and sexy lingerie .....IT'S.....

Pulling long hairs out of your arse crack after a shower.

When you have a bath and your vagina swallows a gallon of water.... you’re walking around 20 mins after drying and dressing and feel like you've pissed your knickers.

Shaving your fanny as smooth as a babies bottom & it’s so prickly the next day.

Walking in front of your friend and saying “can you check me?” when you're not entirely sure if MotherNature has come to say hello again and she’s showing herself on your newly washed jeans.

Pulling a dry tampon out. That was the day Satan REALLY outdid himself.

Ripping out a pube on a sanitary towel.

Vaginal ingrown hairs.

The cum run.

Trial and error every new vibrator out there to stop you chasing toxic boys.

That little fart bubble that sometimes travels up your flaps and having to do that little wiggle to pop it.

When they’ve got you in that angle during doggy and the air builds up in your fanny and you let out a monster fanny fart!

Having to hold your titties when you run up the stairs without a bra on!

Having to “scoop” the boobs back into your bra when they’re uncomfy!

Having to have smears, although it doesn't hurt it’s just another worry for a women to have.

The pure headache from having your hair up in a ponytail all day and the relief of taking it out and giving yourself a head rub at the back where the bobble was.

Sneezing when on your period.........

Crying for absolutely no reason... and then feeling stupid about it.

Cupping shower water in between your boobies and then unleashing the tsunami that's gathered there!

Bunching up a load of toilet roll and stuffing it in your knickers when there are no sanitary products at hand.

Leaving your most creative hair paintings in the shower, as a priceless gift.

Licking melted chocolate off your boob...that you didn't realise you'd dropped half an hour ago.

Cupping your boobies... why? Because its comfortable!

The list goes on...what a species we are

So scarily accurate it's funny!

Won't that be used as crowd control? "Gas Masks on!""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So basically the gist I got from this is..

Boobs are like having a extra cupboard to store stuff.

Fannys are like a slightly dodgy plumbing system.. When it works it's fine but at other times makes funny noises and leaks!!

excellent

not to mention, can play havoc with the rest of bodily functions, blowing gaskets, etc.

oh the joys of being a woman

and some Guys think they have it hard

...I guess they do, if having to contend with their better half that requires constant repairs to dodgy plumbing

complex to say the least...!

and yet, just as beautiful...!

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"So basically the gist I got from this is..

Boobs are like having a extra cupboard to store stuff.

Fannys are like a slightly dodgy plumbing system.. When it works it's fine but at other times makes funny noises and leaks!!

Yup pretty much! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And yet there are so many people wanting to change their gender. I don't think a man will ever really know what it is to be a woman. "

Indeed; a very funny thread but also a reminder that those of us who are enthusiastic imitations as well as admirers of real women don't really know half of it!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

FFS........ in all my years my vag has NEVER filled with water

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Nah, I got to about 1/2 way down and couldn’t see anything to be joyful about

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"FFS........ in all my years my vag has NEVER filled with water

Mine has

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"FFS........ in all my years my vag has NEVER filled with water

Mine has

How many litres like?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"FFS........ in all my years my vag has NEVER filled with water

Mine has

How many litres like?

I didn't measure. Enough to make my knickers wet

My bladder can hold about 1.2L. That has been established through scientific principles.

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

hysterectomy scar pulling on the inside like as if you got impaled on a broomstick when you sneeze! Yeouch!!!!!

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"FFS........ in all my years my vag has NEVER filled with water

Mine has

How many litres like?

I didn't measure. Enough to make my knickers wet

My bladder can hold about 1.2L. That has been established through scientific principles. "

Can you not put a sponge up their when you’re having a bath?

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

Fem - I don't think I'm a woman, I can't relate to half of that. And the prickly vag day after? I've got 6 o'clock shadow going on over here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it OP .. The Joy's of been a woman

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"FFS........ in all my years my vag has NEVER filled with water

Mine has

How many litres like?

I didn't measure. Enough to make my knickers wet

My bladder can hold about 1.2L. That has been established through scientific principles.

Can you not put a sponge up their when you’re having a bath?

We got rid of the bath. It happens when one goes swimming though

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"FFS........ in all my years my vag has NEVER filled with water

Mine has

How many litres like?

I didn't measure. Enough to make my knickers wet

My bladder can hold about 1.2L. That has been established through scientific principles.

Can you not put a sponge up their when you’re having a bath?

We got rid of the bath. It happens when one goes swimming though

Is it like when the tide goes out at sea?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"FFS........ in all my years my vag has NEVER filled with water

Mine has

How many litres like?

I didn't measure. Enough to make my knickers wet

My bladder can hold about 1.2L. That has been established through scientific principles.

Can you not put a sponge up their when you’re having a bath?

We got rid of the bath. It happens when one goes swimming though

Is it like when the tide goes out at sea?

Yes.

Actually, no-one has mentioned that sand gets up your chuff when you go swimming in the sea or if you sit directly on the sand. Sand up the chuff chafes

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