FabSwingers.com forum: If women are the gatekeepers to the sex and men the gatekeepers of commitment…

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

…what are the reasons why this has happened. Also stole that description off another member, sorry not sorry, it was just a good way to sum up.

Why is it that the majority of men, I’m not even using some men cos I truly believe it’s the majority, what are the reasons why they’re so reluctant to want a commitment?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because we're made to sow our seed far and wide

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It very clearly and demonstrably isn't true. You just need to look around at the number of successful relationships where both people are committed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are so many men in the world who are fully committed.

Some men, and women also, just don't want commitment. There is nothing wrong with that.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its definitely not all men.. there are some men yes that feel they gotta fuck every woman they can.. but there is fear of rejection I guess or fear of being smothered with or being controlled maybe.. but they are all crap reasons if the spark is there then what's meant to be will always find a way

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Because they’ve not found the one they want to make their primary partner, and until they do, it’s game on!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards "

Also the availability and access to so many people means that we’ve become disposable.

Also a touch of grass is greener or what if I find someone better looking than this one better hold out.

What about just finding someone you’re attracted to and massively rate their personality and then getting to know that person. Love and feelings and all the other lush stuff will just grow and grow and get better and better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most definitely not all men only a minority. You are probably like I was in my younger years attracted to the wrong sort of guys (bad boy image). Hopefully you will widen your search and find the one and happiness will follow

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Most of my bloke mates do want relationships though. Yes if they are single they want sex and will go looking for it, but the vast majority want someone to chat to when they get home, have cwtshes with and share their lives with. The majority of people I know regardless of gender would like to share their life with another.

I don't think there is a massive difference between genders with regards sex and relationships. Just social expectations that some pay more attention to than others.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I'll paraphrase my reply from the other thread.

Society. There's no longer as much pressure to settle down and have kids. The systems often mean that men lose out the most financially if a relationship ends,, especially if kids are involved. I think some people delay commitment until they can see exactly what someone can bring to a relationship. And society teaches us that sex sells, so some people use it to demonstrate what a "catch" they are, or withhold it to show another what they're missing out on. The Internet has made the world much smaller than it once was, so meeting people is no longer as limited to people in your local area...that creates a much bigger pond to fish in and people will look for someone that ticks *all* the boxes, rather than compromise.

All gross generalisations of course, we're all individuals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Most of my bloke mates do want relationships though. Yes if they are single they want sex and will go looking for it, but the vast majority want someone to chat to when they get home, have cwtshes with and share their lives with. The majority of people I know regardless of gender would like to share their life with another.

I don't think there is a massive difference between genders with regards sex and relationships. Just social expectations that some pay more attention to than others. "

Definitely agree with you there it is on both sides

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I do think that social media and reality tv have normalised *drama" in interactions between men and women. So that what was once the exception in how men and women behaved with each other has become the norm.

There also seems to be a lot of social media accounts depicting "perfect" relationships, with spotless children, affectionate and adoring parents in white clothes in shiny houses who love each other and never argue.

Would it were so... although it would be quite boring

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I don't think there is a massive difference between genders with regards sex and relationships. Just social expectations that some pay more attention to than others. "

That's the experience I have as well.

And my female mates are mostly the same. Although I know less women.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I don't think there is a massive difference between genders with regards sex and relationships. Just social expectations that some pay more attention to than others.

Definitely agree with you there it is on both sides"

There aren't many people I know who want to grow old by themselves. So I believe the majority want a relationship.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I don't think there is a massive difference between genders with regards sex and relationships. Just social expectations that some pay more attention to than others.

That's the experience I have as well.

And my female mates are mostly the same. Although I know less women."

I have a fairly even mix of mates. There are those who don't want ties and those who do. To me gatekeeping suggests manipulation, which if that is what you base your relationship on, then it's doomed to fail isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

Also the availability and access to so many people means that we’ve become disposable.

Also a touch of grass is greener or what if I find someone better looking than this one better hold out.

I agree with you here. Years ago people would meet in a bar etc, properly date and let the relationship develop. These days with dating apps and stuff, it's too easy for people to look for someone else and not commit to the relationship they are in.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I don't think there is a massive difference between genders with regards sex and relationships. Just social expectations that some pay more attention to than others.

That's the experience I have as well.

And my female mates are mostly the same. Although I know less women.

Absolutely! That's not to say people don't do it, they absolutely do, but I don't think it is more a female or male thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% agree with this!

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

Also the availability and access to so many people means that we’ve become disposable.

Also a touch of grass is greener or what if I find someone better looking than this one better hold out.

True, before social media and dating apps finding people was hard

Now your partner can looking for their next one while they’re sat on the toilet.

When it’s that easy the tempt to move onto the next best thing is too great for some

Loyalty is at an all time low

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I don't think there is a massive difference between genders with regards sex and relationships. Just social expectations that some pay more attention to than others.

That's the experience I have as well.

And my female mates are mostly the same. Although I know less women.

Absolutely! That's not to say people don't do it, they absolutely do, but I don't think it is more a female or male thing."

I think lots of people do it also. Which is why I think people struggle. I don't know maybe I'm a bit simple, but if I like someone I like someone, I don't tend to think how I should behave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From what i know, men a reluctant cos theyve committed before and fallen victim to the woman, being cheated on, passion and love lost resulting in the break up, and more commonly but less well known, being abused by the woman. Men dont want to commit out of fear of repeating previous events and being broken down. Why bother invest so much of their energy into somethng that wont last forever?

Me, despite all the shit ive gone through with relationships, especially my last one leaving me a victim to domestic abuse, id love to commit again... but my problem is that i cant find anyone to commit to. I know to some degree that my search has tightened and i wont pursue something when i see red flags early on, but i just dont have anyone whos interested in me any capacity beyond friendship, like theres something better for them out there

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

Also the availability and access to so many people means that we’ve become disposable.

Also a touch of grass is greener or what if I find someone better looking than this one better hold out.

True, before social media and dating apps finding people was hard

Now your partner can looking for their next one while they’re sat on the toilet.

When it’s that easy the tempt to move onto the next best thing is too great for some

Loyalty is at an all time low "

I get that these sites help increase people's chances of finding someone else.

But I have several mates who met via on line dating, and have gone on to have long term relationships.

So they can't all be bad surely?

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By *ourNextAddictionMan
over a year ago

Somerset

Double edged - I believe a man will truly commit if he finds a woman that holds the values hes after.

But there is a small minority of men that could never commit, they think they could but will end up looking elsewhere in search of the ‘new’ thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this can also come down to. It’s the people One wants a relationship with, don’t want them and so, somethings wrong with society!

Maybe one is looking in the wrong place or at the wrong people. There are plenty of men who want relationships, they just might not be to ones taste perhaps?

Playing games by chasing someone who doesn’t want you. Or using sex as a means to achieve a relationship is the problem and will only continue to be a recurring problem until you set your boundaries and hold to what you want with the right person, rather than chasing the person you feel you SHOULD have.

Men don’t hold the power or are gatekeepers to relationships. Unless you allow it and play silly games. Women will only have a hold over a men with sex if the man allows it. We make our own choices on what we stand for.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

Also the availability and access to so many people means that we’ve become disposable.

Also a touch of grass is greener or what if I find someone better looking than this one better hold out.

True, before social media and dating apps finding people was hard

Now your partner can looking for their next one while they’re sat on the toilet.

When it’s that easy the tempt to move onto the next best thing is too great for some

Loyalty is at an all time low

I get that these sites help increase people's chances of finding someone else.

But I have several mates who met via on line dating, and have gone on to have long term relationships.

So they can't all be bad surely? "

I don’t think anyones saying it’s entirely bad

It’s connects people that might never have met, great

It also opens the door for extremely easy cheating and people looking for the greener grass. Bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think there is a massive difference between genders with regards sex and relationships. Just social expectations that some pay more attention to than others. "

Will you forward these men my number?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

Also the availability and access to so many people means that we’ve become disposable.

Also a touch of grass is greener or what if I find someone better looking than this one better hold out.

True, before social media and dating apps finding people was hard

Now your partner can looking for their next one while they’re sat on the toilet.

When it’s that easy the tempt to move onto the next best thing is too great for some

Loyalty is at an all time low

I get that these sites help increase people's chances of finding someone else.

But I have several mates who met via on line dating, and have gone on to have long term relationships.

So they can't all be bad surely?

I don’t think anyones saying it’s entirely bad

It’s connects people that might never have met, great

It also opens the door for extremely easy cheating and people looking for the greener grass. Bad "

But those people are just idiots aren't they. And surely even before on line dating these people were always on the look out for someone new?

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

Also the availability and access to so many people means that we’ve become disposable.

Also a touch of grass is greener or what if I find someone better looking than this one better hold out.

True, before social media and dating apps finding people was hard

Now your partner can looking for their next one while they’re sat on the toilet.

When it’s that easy the tempt to move onto the next best thing is too great for some

Loyalty is at an all time low

I get that these sites help increase people's chances of finding someone else.

But I have several mates who met via on line dating, and have gone on to have long term relationships.

So they can't all be bad surely?

I don’t think anyones saying it’s entirely bad

It’s connects people that might never have met, great

It also opens the door for extremely easy cheating and people looking for the greener grass. Bad

But those people are just idiots aren't they. And surely even before on line dating these people were always on the look out for someone new? "

They are yes

But you couldn’t look for someone new while sat on the toilet completely risk free.

You couldn’t match with someone while on the bus to work and start arranging your new relationship

It’s all made it much more accessible, easier and most of all, completely discreet and undetectable

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

Also the availability and access to so many people means that we’ve become disposable.

Also a touch of grass is greener or what if I find someone better looking than this one better hold out.

True, before social media and dating apps finding people was hard

Now your partner can looking for their next one while they’re sat on the toilet.

When it’s that easy the tempt to move onto the next best thing is too great for some

Loyalty is at an all time low

I get that these sites help increase people's chances of finding someone else.

But I have several mates who met via on line dating, and have gone on to have long term relationships.

So they can't all be bad surely?

I don’t think anyones saying it’s entirely bad

It’s connects people that might never have met, great

It also opens the door for extremely easy cheating and people looking for the greener grass. Bad

But those people are just idiots aren't they. And surely even before on line dating these people were always on the look out for someone new?

They are yes

But you couldn’t look for someone new while sat on the toilet completely risk free.

You couldn’t match with someone while on the bus to work and start arranging your new relationship

It’s all made it much more accessible, easier and most of all, completely discreet and undetectable "

That makes sense yes.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Having been “mostly” single for over 10 years I thought I would be able to answer this question succinctly, but I can’t really. It’s complicated is the truth of it.

Essentially the traditional roles that I could have had within a committed relationship are now behind me or do not interest me, or are no longer viewed as “traditional”. Women are as likely as me to have a good job, own home, self sufficiency. In essence the “rationale” for commitment has diminished and we are left with only (and I don’t mean only in a negative way) esoteric or emotional reasons for committing to someone, the practical reasons are no longer so relevant.

Now I get that the above may read as misogynistic I don’t mean it to be, but roles are important in any grouping in society, they help to demonstrate our value to that grouping. As the years have passed roles have become blurred and so the “need” for creating a family unit have reduced. (Outside of having children, which I have no desire for)

So I can enjoy peoples company without them feeling the need to commit to me or me to them, we have a state of independence. Do I want to grow old alone? I am not alone, if I want company, I can find it.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"…what are the reasons why this has happened. Also stole that description off another member, sorry not sorry, it was just a good way to sum up.

Why is it that the majority of men, I’m not even using some men cos I truly believe it’s the majority, what are the reasons why they’re so reluctant to want a commitment? "

Because of the thrill of new experiences, and the fun of variety. And because commitment is the hard bit, the real life bit, that some people can’t be arsed with.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

If I put on my evolutionary biology hat, it makes sense too

For millions of years we evolved with different responsibilities

Women held the responsibility of reproduction

Men held the responsibility of keeping the tribe alive, fed and safe

So it would make sense that within our dna those responsibilities are somewhat imprinted

Women hold the key to sex and therefore, reproduction

Men hold the key to commitment which could translate to being brought into the safety of the tribe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards "

Agreed, from what ive seen among society now, a lot of women from younger generations barely need to make any kind of effort, expecting that because theyre pretty or have certain interests, it makes them desirable to men. No need to learn true loyalty, the meaning of companionship, communication skills etc.

Honestly the sheer number of girls i spoke to on dating apps, i had better conversations with one of those AI friend apps, the quality was abysmal and left me wondering how they even have any friends to begin with (not including the superficial friendships)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"If I put on my evolutionary biology hat, it makes sense too

For millions of years we evolved with different responsibilities

Women held the responsibility of reproduction

Men held the responsibility of keeping the tribe alive, fed and safe

So it would make sense that within our dna those responsibilities are somewhat imprinted

Women hold the key to sex and therefore, reproduction

Men hold the key to commitment which could translate to being brought into the safety of the tribe

But if we think of a tribe, it's often the women who keep the tribe or extended family together, whilst the men went out into the world. If a woman's partner died in the distant past those widowed weren't turfed out the tribe. The tribe would look after them.

And did women have control over sex in the past. Wasn't virginity important and the negotiations of tribes over marriage. I think sex and relationships were controlled by the elders of the tribe in the past not individuals.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think we're regressing a couple if hundred years if we're talking about quality and value when we discuss women and men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I put on my evolutionary biology hat, it makes sense too

For millions of years we evolved with different responsibilities

Women held the responsibility of reproduction

Men held the responsibility of keeping the tribe alive, fed and safe

So it would make sense that within our dna those responsibilities are somewhat imprinted

Women hold the key to sex and therefore, reproduction

Men hold the key to commitment which could translate to being brought into the safety of the tribe

I kind of disagree with this.

It wasn’t until a more recent society (in the grand scheme of time) that women were given even the power over their own body’s.

Also Married off young and to people not of their own choosing as a way to keep peace between other tribes.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"If I put on my evolutionary biology hat, it makes sense too

For millions of years we evolved with different responsibilities

Women held the responsibility of reproduction

Men held the responsibility of keeping the tribe alive, fed and safe

So it would make sense that within our dna those responsibilities are somewhat imprinted

Women hold the key to sex and therefore, reproduction

Men hold the key to commitment which could translate to being brought into the safety of the tribe

I guess I mean that we go back millions of years a woman without a man to protect her was very at risk to basically everything. The wild wasn’t a pretty place for a lone woman

Men represented a level of protection they couldn’t get themselves. And in trade that had reproduction.

It’s all conjecture though there’s no right or wrong

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

If you go on any dating app as a man, the amount of women expressing their frustration in their bio, that they cannot find a man to date, after listing a dozen of unrealistic expectations of what a man needs to be to go on a date with them, is mind-blowing...At a point, as a man, I just ask myself "OK, but what do you as a girlfriend bring to the table?"...because let me tell you, I'm not afraid to eat at that table by myself. And a lot of men have that attitude nowadays

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If I put on my evolutionary biology hat, it makes sense too

For millions of years we evolved with different responsibilities

Women held the responsibility of reproduction

Men held the responsibility of keeping the tribe alive, fed and safe

So it would make sense that within our dna those responsibilities are somewhat imprinted

Women hold the key to sex and therefore, reproduction

Men hold the key to commitment which could translate to being brought into the safety of the tribe

I guess I mean that we go back millions of years a woman without a man to protect her was very at risk to basically everything. The wild wasn’t a pretty place for a lone woman

Men represented a level of protection they couldn’t get themselves. And in trade that had reproduction.

It’s all conjecture though there’s no right or wrong "

People without a tribe were at more risk.

Men were at risk of starvation if women weren't there. The theory is that the men hunted and the women gathered, the foraged food made up most of the tribes diet. While the men were away hunting they couldn't protect the women.

I suspect that the nature of the relationships between prehistoric men and women was far less transactional and much more communal

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

What you are describing there, re attractive young women was always there but social media / apps etc have massively expanded this.

If a really attractive girl goes to a nightclub, chances are that loads of blokes will try chatting her up over the course of an evening. But that fades to nothing compared with the attention she will get online. If a really attractive young lady set up a profile on fab, saying she was single, how many approaches do you think she would get in the first 24 hours? Probably hundreds.

And that’s what fuels the lack of effort that you refer to. No effort needed, so no effort expended.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

So the simple answer is what’s in it for me and what’s in it for them?

Perhaps the wonderful thing about the modern world is that people only now “have to” get together for love not necessities. And love is rarer than modern media would let us believe.

On the flip side of this is our perception of what love actually is, perhaps we have subconsciously bought into a dream of love that is rare and so will only accept that definition, when in truth there are many facets of love that would enable us (if we parked the unrealistic representation) to consider life partners on the basis that they just make us smile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you go on any dating app as a man, the amount of women expressing their frustration in their bio, that they cannot find a man to date, after listing a dozen of unrealistic expectations of what a man needs to be to go on a date with them, is mind-blowing...At a point, as a man, I just ask myself "OK, but what do you as a girlfriend bring to the table?"...because let me tell you, I'm not afraid to eat at that table by myself. And a lot of men have that attitude nowadays "

^^ This also!

Something I see and hear a lot.

Women are more and more expecting of higher standards than they are willing to hold themselves to.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"If I put on my evolutionary biology hat, it makes sense too

For millions of years we evolved with different responsibilities

Women held the responsibility of reproduction

Men held the responsibility of keeping the tribe alive, fed and safe

So it would make sense that within our dna those responsibilities are somewhat imprinted

Women hold the key to sex and therefore, reproduction

Men hold the key to commitment which could translate to being brought into the safety of the tribe

I guess I mean that we go back millions of years a woman without a man to protect her was very at risk to basically everything. The wild wasn’t a pretty place for a lone woman

Men represented a level of protection they couldn’t get themselves. And in trade that had reproduction.

It’s all conjecture though there’s no right or wrong

People without a tribe were at more risk.

I suspect that the nature of the relationships between prehistoric men and women was far less transactional and much more communal "

That's what I was getting at but failed miserably to explain

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"If I put on my evolutionary biology hat, it makes sense too

For millions of years we evolved with different responsibilities

Women held the responsibility of reproduction

Men held the responsibility of keeping the tribe alive, fed and safe

So it would make sense that within our dna those responsibilities are somewhat imprinted

Women hold the key to sex and therefore, reproduction

Men hold the key to commitment which could translate to being brought into the safety of the tribe

I guess I mean that we go back millions of years a woman without a man to protect her was very at risk to basically everything. The wild wasn’t a pretty place for a lone woman

Men represented a level of protection they couldn’t get themselves. And in trade that had reproduction.

It’s all conjecture though there’s no right or wrong

People without a tribe were at more risk.

I suspect that the nature of the relationships between prehistoric men and women was far less transactional and much more communal "

I like that idea! Definitely seems plausible

I guess the closest we can come is Ape studies, but even they are so different between eachother

You think you learn something from chimps them bonobos do the exact opposite

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

My other guess would be the Coolidge effect

Men lose interest in someone they’ve had sex with already way quicker then women. Is the idea of committing to one woman effected by that?

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

"…what are the reasons why this has happened. Also stole that description off another member, sorry not sorry, it was just a good way to sum up.

Why is it that the majority of men, I’m not even using some men cos I truly believe it’s the majority, what are the reasons why they’re so reluctant to want a commitment? "

Women put out the offer of sex to get love. Men put out the offer of love (commitment) to get sex.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

"…what are the reasons why this has happened. Also stole that description off another member, sorry not sorry, it was just a good way to sum up.

Why is it that the majority of men, I’m not even using some men cos I truly believe it’s the majority, what are the reasons why they’re so reluctant to want a commitment? "

I feel the main reason why both men and women are reluctant to commit is due to unresolved childhood trauma. It most definitely was in my own case. I had given up on relationships because I always seemed to pick a wrong un. After healing my trauma the idea of a meaningful relationship seems possible at least

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"My other guess would be the Coolidge effect

Men lose interest in someone they’ve had sex with already way quicker then women. Is the idea of committing to one woman effected by that? "

The paper I read on this suggests it happens in males and females. But that it's been more studied in men. In evolution terms it would make sense that both genders would be the same go increase the gene pool.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"My other guess would be the Coolidge effect

Men lose interest in someone they’ve had sex with already way quicker then women. Is the idea of committing to one woman effected by that?

In biological terms it would effect men more because we can get an unlimited number of women pregnant. If the options are there then there’s nothing stopping a guy getting 1000s of women pregnant

Where as a woman has a 9 month down period each time

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

I have read that virginity and faithfulness weren’t important to Hunter Gatherers, because why should they be? It was only when agriculture was developed, and people started caring about ownership and hereditary rights that suddenly making sure your possessions were inherited by your actual descendants became important. Tribal people were the proto-swingers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

^^ This also!

Something I see and hear a lot.

Women are more and more expecting of higher standards than they are willing to hold themselves to. "

Definitely exactly this! God i lost count how many times i saw this "where are the good guys at?", theyre nowhere where youre looking love!

The good guys are at home, spending time with family and friends, playing video games or watching TV or doing a hobby they love, cos theyve lost the willpower to date women with a million demands yet wont hold themselves to any standard they expect from men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because we're made to sow our seed far and wide

This. Simple evolution. Whereas women have to deal with pregnancy and raising children. So makes sense that, traditionally, we look for some kind of commitment.

Regardless of modern attitudes, contraception, people not wanting kids, I still think our brains are hard wired to work this way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

What you are describing there, re attractive young women was always there but social media / apps etc have massively expanded this.

And that’s what fuels the lack of effort that you refer to. No effort needed, so no effort expended. "

Of course yeah it was always there but as another poster mentioned, there no longer such a rush to find someone and settle down with, the no expectation to be building a family early on, so its also exacerbated the fact that social media has expanded the lack of effort needed. So many women of the younger generation will hold out for as long as possible or hop from man to man until they find someone that ticks enough of their boxes before they get too old.. or they just end up remaining single and find some excuse to blame when they cant find a long term relationship

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"My other guess would be the Coolidge effect

Men lose interest in someone they’ve had sex with already way quicker then women. Is the idea of committing to one woman effected by that?

In biological terms it would effect men more because we can get an unlimited number of women pregnant. If the options are there then there’s nothing stopping a guy getting 1000s of women pregnant

Where as a woman has a 9 month down period each time"

I don't think humans were necessarily built for fuck and go. The babies we produce are the crappiest of the crappiest. If men are hard wired to want to have their offspring to grow they need to support the mother. Else neither would have survived. There's a reason why babies often look like their fathers when they are born.

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Women put out the offer of sex to get love. Men put out the offer of love (commitment) to get sex."

I read that in a love/sex/relationship manual I bought when I was 17. It always seemed to be the other way round for me though, but perhaps I’m just soppy.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Women put out the offer of sex to get love. Men put out the offer of love (commitment) to get sex.

I read that in a love/sex/relationship manual I bought when I was 17. It always seemed to be the other way round for me though, but perhaps I’m just soppy."

Lots of men are soppy (and I mean that in the best and nicest way). They just think they have to hide that side of themselves.

But I like it.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Women put out the offer of sex to get love. Men put out the offer of love (commitment) to get sex.

I read that in a love/sex/relationship manual I bought when I was 17. It always seemed to be the other way round for me though, but perhaps I’m just soppy.

Lots of men are soppy (and I mean that in the best and nicest way). They just think they have to hide that side of themselves.

But I like it."

Same I like that quality in a man

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"My other guess would be the Coolidge effect

Men lose interest in someone they’ve had sex with already way quicker then women. Is the idea of committing to one woman effected by that?

In biological terms it would effect men more because we can get an unlimited number of women pregnant. If the options are there then there’s nothing stopping a guy getting 1000s of women pregnant

Where as a woman has a 9 month down period each time

True, but in a tribe environment it makes sense for a guy to try and get every woman in that tribe pregnant if he can

A woman can only get pregnant from 1 guy at a time

So the effect benefits a guy more then it does a woman (benefits the wrong word maybe?)

So that characteristic is gonna be stronger/more prevalent in men. Not to say that women don’t have it too, it’s just not nearly as potent or strong.

Again though, all conjecture, no right or wrong. Because we can only make educated guesses about what life was life for humans millions of years ago

One things for certain though, they did have tinder, it was just the fire type of tinder, not the “I’m bored so I’ll swipe on people while my partner isn’t around” tinder

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"My other guess would be the Coolidge effect

Men lose interest in someone they’ve had sex with already way quicker then women. Is the idea of committing to one woman effected by that?

In biological terms it would effect men more because we can get an unlimited number of women pregnant. If the options are there then there’s nothing stopping a guy getting 1000s of women pregnant

Where as a woman has a 9 month down period each time

True, but in a tribe environment it makes sense for a guy to try and get every woman in that tribe pregnant if he can

A woman can only get pregnant from 1 guy at a time

So the effect benefits a guy more then it does a woman (benefits the wrong word maybe?)

So that characteristic is gonna be stronger/more prevalent in men. Not to say that women don’t have it too, it’s just not nearly as potent or strong.

Again though, all conjecture, no right or wrong. Because we can only make educated guesses about what life was life for humans millions of years ago

One things for certain though, they did have tinder, it was just the fire type of tinder, not the “I’m bored so I’ll swipe on people while my partner isn’t around” tinder "

Hmm that is an interesting idea. Are people these days unable to deal with boredom? And is this one of the reasons behind trying to find excitement via sex?

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"My other guess would be the Coolidge effect

Men lose interest in someone they’ve had sex with already way quicker then women. Is the idea of committing to one woman effected by that?

In biological terms it would effect men more because we can get an unlimited number of women pregnant. If the options are there then there’s nothing stopping a guy getting 1000s of women pregnant

Where as a woman has a 9 month down period each time

True, but in a tribe environment it makes sense for a guy to try and get every woman in that tribe pregnant if he can

A woman can only get pregnant from 1 guy at a time

So the effect benefits a guy more then it does a woman (benefits the wrong word maybe?)

So that characteristic is gonna be stronger/more prevalent in men. Not to say that women don’t have it too, it’s just not nearly as potent or strong.

Again though, all conjecture, no right or wrong. Because we can only make educated guesses about what life was life for humans millions of years ago

There are still tribal peoples to study though. I was told that the Australian aborigines didn’t even make the connection between sex and birth. They realised that women were more likely to conceive when everyone was resting and having fun at a billobong instead of tramping through the outback, and concluded that spirits who live in waterholes make women pregnant.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"My other guess would be the Coolidge effect

Men lose interest in someone they’ve had sex with already way quicker then women. Is the idea of committing to one woman effected by that?

In biological terms it would effect men more because we can get an unlimited number of women pregnant. If the options are there then there’s nothing stopping a guy getting 1000s of women pregnant

Where as a woman has a 9 month down period each time

True, but in a tribe environment it makes sense for a guy to try and get every woman in that tribe pregnant if he can

A woman can only get pregnant from 1 guy at a time

So the effect benefits a guy more then it does a woman (benefits the wrong word maybe?)

So that characteristic is gonna be stronger/more prevalent in men. Not to say that women don’t have it too, it’s just not nearly as potent or strong.

Again though, all conjecture, no right or wrong. Because we can only make educated guesses about what life was life for humans millions of years ago

One things for certain though, they did have tinder, it was just the fire type of tinder, not the “I’m bored so I’ll swipe on people while my partner isn’t around” tinder

Hmm that is an interesting idea. Are people these days unable to deal with boredom? And is this one of the reasons behind trying to find excitement via sex? "

I think it’s so easy to do it’s not that they can’t handle bored. It’s just so easy. You download an app and boom. You have access to so much. You don’t need to act on it. You don’t need to swipe or respond. But it’s there.

And that easiness. That temptation. For many I think it’s easy to rationalise “I’m just bored, swiping, it doesn’t mean anything.”

They swipe on the toilet, on the bus, late at night.

It doesn’t feel like your looking for a new partner. But ask yourself. What’s the different between having a dating profile now, to getting dressed up and going to the pub 30 years ago?

The pubs nice! It’s something to do. And maybe a guy chats you up, you didn’t do anything wrong, you don’t have to act on it. It’s fine

But maybe one day the right guy catches you on the right day.

That’s what tinder is. Except you don’t need to dress up. You don’t need to tell your partner your going out. You don’t need to catch the bus. It’s all right in your phone

As a former addict I’ll say this now. A little boredom paired with easy access is how problems start. I couldn’t quit my addiction while I had dealers numbers in my phone. A little boredom leads to a little txt and suddenly I’ve relapsed. I don’t think this is any different. It’s addiction to attention. Addiction to excitement. Addiction to that greener grass you believe is there

I can’t remember the quote but it’s something like

The devil makes use of idle hands

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I would agree with the expectation levels I have witnessed on dating sites, now I am not saying that people shouldn’t set their own expectations or that they should be “realistic” but after looking at most of them I realise I am not what they are looking for or they seem to be quite mercenary, or sometimes eye-wideningly (not a word) amazing, and so I quickly uninstall the app.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Quote ...

A woman can only get pregnant from 1 guy at a time

^ True , but she can fuck as many as she is capable of before realising she is pregnant ....

It's a myth to think that historically , women fuck and wait just in case.

They fuck and they fuck and they fuck .....

Being chaste is a modern ideal.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

Perfectly put. It's as if a 'good guy' adores you instantly, wants you to have his children , will work and pass over the cash and will remain loyal until death...... even if you met him on a strictly nsa basis.

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Women put out the offer of sex to get love. Men put out the offer of love (commitment) to get sex.

I read that in a love/sex/relationship manual I bought when I was 17. It always seemed to be the other way round for me though, but perhaps I’m just soppy.

Lots of men are soppy (and I mean that in the best and nicest way). They just think they have to hide that side of themselves.

But I like it."

I think that Charlotte wasn’t brought up to be all touchy-feely like I was, and just doesn’t have much need for cuddles. So it’s only during sex that we have the long periods of touch that I like.

I think of her as one of those cats that might sit on your knee, but it’s tense and will jump off if you move. Whereas I’m like our old family cat who would immediately fall asleep purring if you picked him up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with the “where are all the good guys at” general type.

They generally mean, the good earners, have decent cars, good looking, will take care of them with little expectation in return or something similar.

Rather than an actual decent guy with similar morals, who is emotionally intelligent, ready to commit or anything that actually makes them as a person a decent person.

That’s not to say men can’t have everything listed, but the priority is the former with little thought to the latter.

And what’s offered in return, oh I’m young and/or pretty, You should appreciate that.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

There are some like this yes, but in the dating app world single men are actually in quite a good position as it is as near to equal as you could get (due to the requirement of matching before chatting).

But I just get demoralised by the demands or requirements. Not to say I am a good guy, you see I now have an expectation of my “dream partner” and as unlikely as I am to find her (fab offers the best opportunity for that) I am only going to commit to someone that matches that expectation. “Too much choice will make tyrants of us all”

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"…what are the reasons why this has happened. Also stole that description off another member, sorry not sorry, it was just a good way to sum up.

Why is it that the majority of men, I’m not even using some men cos I truly believe it’s the majority, what are the reasons why they’re so reluctant to want a commitment? "

Isn’t this pretty much identical to the other thread that you started?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agree with the “where are all the good guys at” general type.

They generally mean, the good earners, have decent cars, good looking, will take care of them with little expectation in return or something similar.

Rather than an actual decent guy with similar morals, who is emotionally intelligent, ready to commit or anything that actually makes them as a person a decent person.

That’s not to say men can’t have everything listed, but the priority is the former with little thought to the latter.

And what’s offered in return, oh I’m young and/or pretty, You should appreciate that.

Is that why guys put "good job, own house" etc? Because some women are looking for that? I had someone message me about the "finer things in life" and mention Michelin stars.

I didn't get the transactional nature of it for some until now. Hmm.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

What you are describing there, re attractive young women was always there but social media / apps etc have massively expanded this.

And that’s what fuels the lack of effort that you refer to. No effort needed, so no effort expended.

I think it’s more men hold out for as long as possible when it comes to wanting and having children.

Women have this thing called a biological clock that even if you don’t want children the sound of that clock ticking gets louder passed 30. That’s probably an evolutionary thing that can’t be helped but I don’t think it’s women that drag their feet when it comes to having children of children are what they want.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

I am The Gatekeeper™

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

Is that the problem though this search for the dream partner? Nobody is perfect so how can a perfect relationship exist? Isn't everything a work in progress?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Agree with the “where are all the good guys at” general type.

They generally mean, the good earners, have decent cars, good looking, will take care of them with little expectation in return or something similar.

Rather than an actual decent guy with similar morals, who is emotionally intelligent, ready to commit or anything that actually makes them as a person a decent person.

That’s not to say men can’t have everything listed, but the priority is the former with little thought to the latter.

And what’s offered in return, oh I’m young and/or pretty, You should appreciate that.

Woman card revoked!

When I see women asking where the good guys are I think she’s looking for guys that aren’t going to fuck her around, mess with her feelings or be dick heads in general. I think most women have their own stuff, house, car, job, money so wouldn’t assume that’s what they were out for. Asking for sugar daddies or wanting to be a princess or anything like that would suggest they were looking to be taken care of financially and those are the ones that normally only offer their attractiveness as a reward for that kind of looking after.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

What you are describing there, re attractive young women was always there but social media / apps etc have massively expanded this.

And that’s what fuels the lack of effort that you refer to. No effort needed, so no effort expended.

I think it’s more men hold out for as long as possible when it comes to wanting and having children.

Makes sense

Most things women want in men are things they get lots of as they age

Life experience, confidence, hobbies/interests, success

Most things guys want in women come with youth

Woman want to sell while they are young and men want to hold out until their worth is at its most

Obviously not true in all cases but I guess it makes some sense

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

Is that the problem though this search for the dream partner? Nobody is perfect so how can a perfect relationship exist? Isn't everything a work in progress? "

You are right of course, so I have become a “victim” of my own expectations and thus similar to all of those others with unrealistic expectations be doomed to a life seeking and not finding. Because as you say, I expect to have this “perfection” fully formed and not something to strive for within a partnership.

You see neither gender is the villain in this story, but perhaps modernity and the “get rich quick” society is. This is why I am single I guess (apart from my obvious physical and character based flaws), what I want probably doesn’t exist, but I can’t be areas to create it.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

Is that the problem though this search for the dream partner? Nobody is perfect so how can a perfect relationship exist? Isn't everything a work in progress?

I just don't believe in perfect, perfectly imperfect maybe. Be that people, relationships, jobs, houses. I think if you strive for perfection you miss out on what is actually in front of you.

And behave on the physical flaws I don't know your character but you seem ok to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

Is that the problem though this search for the dream partner? Nobody is perfect so how can a perfect relationship exist? Isn't everything a work in progress?

How could you create it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because one woman is never enough ??

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

Is that the problem though this search for the dream partner? Nobody is perfect so how can a perfect relationship exist? Isn't everything a work in progress?

How could you create it? "

Because the “perfection” I seek is not based around the physical but on the mental attributes of the relationship, therefore, by finding out about somebody that may not have explicitly stated they are of a similar mind to my “ideal” it could be created through enabling them to be open without judgement or fear to mutual benefit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Woman card revoked! "

please!

For the rest of your comment

I take it you haven’t seen the thousands of TikTok’s, fb self help videos and dating profiles with this attitude being very much encouraged and promoted. The topical line is “where are all the good guys at”.

You seemed to have taken that very personally.

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys."

Witholding?

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Witholding? "

Withholding is the wrong word

But defiantly, the fuck boys get all the attention.

That’s not anyones fault either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys."

Um..what? You need to explain this as my first reaction is that's an incel belief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because despite what people will tell you

Most women are equally as shitty / low quality as most men

Social media has raised everyone’s standards

What you are describing there, re attractive young women was always there but social media / apps etc have massively expanded this.

And that’s what fuels the lack of effort that you refer to. No effort needed, so no effort expended.

I think it’s more men hold out for as long as possible when it comes to wanting and having children.

Well i didnt mean wanting children as such, more that i was referring to relationships in general. Many women already have kids of their own with another man theyve seperated from.

Many of them hold out for someone who can tick as many boxes as possible in a short space of time rather than allowing something meaningful to develop and seeing how it progresses.

Cos dating apps have now given them the option of choice and variety in vast numbers they can have a list of arbitrary requirements they want from a man. Im not saying its wrong to have a vertain type or need for qualities a partner must possess i.e. compassionate, hard working, family orientated etc. But many have now felt that its acceptable to have more requirements than is realistically feasible. Therefore, regarding relationships in general, excluding the matter of children, many women will hold out longer than men in order to meet their "one"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There’s some really good points in this thread which is genuinely making me think about my own life choice.

I also tend to find the people that say things like “where are all the good guys at” to not be the kind of person that “good guys” go for.

Is that the problem though this search for the dream partner? Nobody is perfect so how can a perfect relationship exist? Isn't everything a work in progress?

How could you create it?

I'm sure you're aware of how difficult you're making it for yourself, as you've said. I simply don't believe many people would explicitly state much about their mental attributes. Not just because many don't have that level of insight, but because ...well, people don't bother to read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do the majority of men not want committed relationships or say it at the start of seeing eachother?

Simple. The woman probably hasn't shown enough qualities and or behaviours to warrant wanting to commit to them. There's probably lots of people coming up with mental gymnastics about how/why this isn't true but it is. And most dudes can't even be truthful to themselves and straight up say it. Instead you get lots of dudes staying with the sharade for fear they won't have sex again for a long time.

So you can try and manipulate a commitment or be manipulated over your desire for commitment. But just don't, there is no shortage of either of these two people in the dating game.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys."

Women don't withhold sex, they either want sex with someone or they don't. I don't like brashy loud men, that isn't my preference. I actually prefer quiet men. But quiet doesn't mean passive, quiet men can be just as vocal about their desire to be with you as louder men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Um..what? You need to explain this as my first reaction is that's an incel belief. "

Tbh that is kind of the feel of this threat.

Women are gatekeeper to sex, therefore can withhold. Men are gatekeepers of relationships therefore can withhold.

“why are you withholding commitment from me” “why are you withholding sex from me”.

It gives a sense of entitlement for one or the other.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards."

So all women need a man with money?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Witholding?

Withholding is the wrong word

But defiantly, the fuck boys get all the attention.

That’s not anyones fault either "

Withholding is so much the wrong word that I don't even know where to start

I can't comment on whether fuck boys get all the attention because I'm so distanced from the way things play out now.

This whole read makes me quite sad.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards."

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

So all women need a man with money? "

Taking something that’s in general and applying it to everything is a sad tactic

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

No it's all the ugly women getting sex from men who can't get it elsewhere having babies

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

So all women need a man with money?

Taking something that’s in general and applying it to everything is a sad tactic "

Not sure what you mean? I was querying if that's what he meant as he mentioned money twice.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

No it's all the ugly women getting sex from men who can't get it elsewhere having babies

See it's the women's fault after all

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

No it's all the ugly women getting sex from men who can't get it elsewhere having babies

See it's the women's fault after all

Always is

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

I'm not sure if you have seen pictures of what people looked like 100 years ago but there might be something said for the reduction of these ugly genes as you described.

I don't think people are that shallow but I also doubt average beauty standard was anywhere near as high as it is today. So I'm sure this whole ugly genes will die out thing has some minor truth to it.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Um..what? You need to explain this as my first reaction is that's an incel belief. "

Incel is such a disgusting and derogatory term. Please dont use that.

Many men struggle for all sorts of reasons. Calling them incels just invalidates them and their problems.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

I'm not sure if you have seen pictures of what people looked like 100 years ago but there might be something said for the reduction of these ugly genes as you described.

People look better nowadays because there's better nutrition, health education, fewer extremely hard manual jobs, contraception, better housing etc etc etc. I look better at 65 than my mother and way better than my grandmother.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

So all women need a man with money?

Taking something that’s in general and applying it to everything is a sad tactic

Not sure what you mean? I was querying if that's what he meant as he mentioned money twice. "

I never said women need a man with money, I was speaking from a general viewpoint, I apologise to anybody who is offended on behalf of a playboy bunny

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

Good looking people can have ugly children can’t they?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Um..what? You need to explain this as my first reaction is that's an incel belief.

Incel is such a disgusting and derogatory term. Please dont use that.

Many men struggle for all sorts of reasons. Calling them incels just invalidates them and their problems."

Don't tell me what I can say. He wasn't talking about a problem. Nobody put you in charge.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

So all women need a man with money?

Taking something that’s in general and applying it to everything is a sad tactic

Not sure what you mean? I was querying if that's what he meant as he mentioned money twice.

I never said women need a man with money, I was speaking from a general viewpoint, I apologise to anybody who is offended on behalf of a playboy bunny "

"You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all." that was what I responded to. That implies you think women are always going to prioritise a man with money (even an ugly one).

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

I'm not sure if you have seen pictures of what people looked like 100 years ago but there might be something said for the reduction of these ugly genes as you described.

There is also more obesity. I really don't think its that simple. Not everyone finds a mate and procreates. I would say even harder for ugly people. Thats why I say there may be some truth to it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

Good looking people can have ugly children can’t they? "

My old neighbours and their kid, fella is quite handsome, the gf is quite hot, their kid? Pig ugly

She does look a lot like her dad, quite like my little cousin, but unlike my cousin whos very attractive as shes now in her mid teens, the same cant be said about my old neighbours kid

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

The science puts it at about 80% of women passing on their genes and about 20% of men through history

In short, a lot of men just lived and died without kids.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

Good looking people can have ugly children can’t they? "

I was being ironic. I do not believe humans are that shallow.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can say the same thing about women.

I want to get coupled up but they're all playing

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

So all women need a man with money?

Taking something that’s in general and applying it to everything is a sad tactic

Not sure what you mean? I was querying if that's what he meant as he mentioned money twice.

I never said women need a man with money, I was speaking from a general viewpoint, I apologise to anybody who is offended on behalf of a playboy bunny

But the word “need” isn’t there, and yes, my opinion is that an ugly man with a good income will do better with women than an ugly man with a poor income.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

If the human race was that shallow, surely all the ugly genes would have died out by now?

Good looking people can have ugly children can’t they?

I was being ironic. I do not believe humans are that shallow. "

And that’s fair, but I believe in the majority, they are

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s be honest, the human race is shallow by nature and almost every physical connection and interaction is formed upon physical appearance.

The difference is, at the very basics,

Ugly women will still get laid

Ugly men will struggle (wealth being to caveat)

And ALL men are judged by the actions of the majority.

You can be a nice guy, romantic, pleasant, friendly, caring, dedicated and loving but unless you’ve a bank account to match you’re getting fuck all.

Think playboy bunnies sucked Hugh Hefner off for his charming personality?

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which I think we should all refer to as “pussy power” going forwards.

So all women need a man with money?

Taking something that’s in general and applying it to everything is a sad tactic

Not sure what you mean? I was querying if that's what he meant as he mentioned money twice.

I never said women need a man with money, I was speaking from a general viewpoint, I apologise to anybody who is offended on behalf of a playboy bunny

But the word “need” isn’t there, and yes, my opinion is that an ugly man with a good income will do better with women than an ugly man with a poor income."

I despair that in 2021 this might be the case. I certainly don't know any women who rate bank account as a criteria for a man and I will not bring my daughter up thinking that. Yet I gather this is the case for some from the mentions of status symbols on dating sites and from what male friends have said.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Witholding?

Withholding is the wrong word

But defiantly, the fuck boys get all the attention.

That’s not anyones fault either "

You're right, withholding is the wrong word. It was in the context of being a gatekeeper.

The rest of the message still stands though.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Um..what? You need to explain this as my first reaction is that's an incel belief.

Incel is such a disgusting and derogatory term. Please dont use that.

Many men struggle for all sorts of reasons. Calling them incels just invalidates them and their problems.

Don't tell me what I can say. He wasn't talking about a problem. Nobody put you in charge. "

To put it simply, as the saying goes, "nice guys finish last", which is the problem i believe he is referring to.

Regardless, theres no need to be like that as i asked politely.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Um..what? You need to explain this as my first reaction is that's an incel belief.

Incel is such a disgusting and derogatory term. Please dont use that.

Many men struggle for all sorts of reasons. Calling them incels just invalidates them and their problems.

Don't tell me what I can say. He wasn't talking about a problem. Nobody put you in charge.

To put it simply, as the saying goes, "nice guys finish last", which is the problem i believe he is referring to.

Regardless, theres no need to be like that as i asked politely."

I made my comment very politely to Bobbo (who is happily married I believe). I dislike being censured. It's not a forbidden word on the site.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Um..what? You need to explain this as my first reaction is that's an incel belief. "

Just because someone is a bit nervous or shy doesn't mean that they are an incel. Some guys don't necessarily have the confidence to go straight in there with their willy waving and take a longer approach building a relationship. This building of relationships often sends the wrong message and comes across as friend rather than companion because it's different to the others.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ones that shout the loudest and strut the most are the ones with the least commitment.

The quiet guys at the back who are respecting your wishes and trying not to be a pest are the ones that like commitment. The counter problem is that women are withholding sex from these guys.

Um..what? You need to explain this as my first reaction is that's an incel belief.

I was referring to the "withholding sex" comment which you've clarified. Of course shy men aren't incels, I was not suggesting that.