FabSwingers.com forum: Getting feelings after meets.

By *he love cats OP Couple
over a year ago

South Wales

We are a couple who usually meet other couples. We see them as friends with the added benefit of that fun we all enjoy together at the end of the night, we have never felt anything more than this for them, We are just happy and feel lucky to have had these experiences. Just wanted to know if anyone has had to stop meets because you started having feelings for someone else or someone was getting feelings for you so you ended it before thing's went too far, question aimed at everyone and not just couple's. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, to both

It's why I'm honest from the outset about a 3 meet max

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By *he love cats OP Couple
over a year ago

South Wales

"Yes, to both

It's why I'm honest from the outset about a 3 meet max "

Thanks for your honesty I knew it probably happened, don't think many people would want to publicize it on the forum though. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes but they were both existing friends before we fucked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No but I have no issue with feelings so I've never seen as a problem.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I've had to stop seeing people or decide not to meet them at all because they started catching feelings or admit that they have caught them after previous meets with others. I'm not here for anything serious, just fun and I make that clear from the start.

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By *he love cats OP Couple
over a year ago

South Wales

"I've had to stop seeing people or decide not to meet them at all because they started catching feelings or admit that they have caught them after previous meets with others. I'm not here for anything serious, just fun and I make that clear from the start. "

Makes sense totally. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it is very difficult not to get feels in a DD/lg scenario as it is so intense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met her ladyship on here and caught the feels for her

We also like to build up a friendship with those we play with (well, for some scenarios) but it's never felt as though it has gone any further.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

We stopped seeing a couple because one of them became contemptible, got over familiar and was trying to direct our play.

Suspected that one of another couple was getting feelings then went unlos.

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By *he love cats OP Couple
over a year ago

South Wales

"We stopped seeing a couple because one of them became contemptible, got over familiar and was trying to direct our play.

Suspected that one of another couple was getting feelings then went unlos."

We would have done the exact same thing in your position.x

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

I get and embrace feelings for all of my partners, I couldn't play the way we do without them, or it just turns into another fuck.

I want something more from my playmates as they do from me

And yes some of them are married hothusbands, I can love them and not want to steal them away from their families. But then I am truly Polyamourous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is very tricky, i would break off really. Because if the feelings are mutual then the next step is meeting alone in secret.

After a meet with a couple he ... lets just say it got very ughly and dangerous. Why we never meet at our places unless long established friends. I know i could never develop feelings for any other male. But i cant say the reverse is true.

Be aware of all the potential consequences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’d exchanged two messages with a guy and were moving toward a social when I updated our Statius with a planned club visit.

He got all jealous and angrily possessive!

Another blocked muppet obviously.

Can’t see us meeting anyone more than twice though tbh.

Whilst a third is fun in the bedroom we don’t want one in our relationship.

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

We had "single" guy get obsessive about Caroline, so much so, that Dave had to warm him off (threatened to tell his wife, family, employer, school he's a governer at & sports club he coached at)

To avoid such issues, we now refuse to meet separately or regularly.

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By *all Guy 00Man
over a year ago

Dumfries

Not meet anyone yet, but will be this year.

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By *d for funTV/TS
over a year ago

Bolton

"We are a couple who usually meet other couples. We see them as friends with the added benefit of that fun we all enjoy together at the end of the night, we have never felt anything more than this for them, We are just happy and feel lucky to have had these experiences. Just wanted to know if anyone has had to stop meets because you started having feelings for someone else or someone was getting feelings for you so you ended it before thing's went too far, question aimed at everyone and not just couple's. X"

Yes... was seeing a lady, she started to demand more of my time, as in see me more and more almost to the point everyday... didn't mind the daily phone call...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah had a guy get jealous and angry about me not being able to see him on another day he wanted, because I was meeting someone else.

He also got jealous that I chose to go back home to my husband, and not take things any further than they'd gone (because he was a massive disappointment, lesson learned the hard way).

All boundaries and expectations had been agreed upon before the meet, I guess he just thought he could woo me away to get more for him.

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By *rooperRedMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

Well, maybe hoped that feelings would develop... Met someone, got along great. Went for even a couple of regular dates. Then she tells me she's dating a millionaire and I'm just a friend.

Not much I can do about that... Ferrari or 04 Focus.

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By *uicypeaches77Couple
over a year ago

Torquay

Yes we both met on here ...had feelings for each other and set up a couples profile. We dated first ..I (harry ) liked to date ladies , go dancing etc and we hit it off and now play as a couple only...

Harry

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By *he love cats OP Couple
over a year ago

South Wales

Wanted to add by seeing some of your responses so far, some people have had feelings and formed relationship's on fab, glad to hear that it's not just a negative thing. X

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By *moothshaftMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"We’d exchanged two messages with a guy and were moving toward a social when I updated our Statius with a planned club visit.

He got all jealous and angrily possessive!

Another blocked muppet obviously.

Can’t see us meeting anyone more than twice though tbh.

Whilst a third is fun in the bedroom we don’t want one in our relationship. "

I know exactly what you mean here.

I can't update my status without a certain female friend asking "who's that meant for" or "who's she"

I sometimes detect a bit of jealousy in her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I haven’t had that myself personally, i don’t fall easily my wall is to high for that, however I can see how easily it could happen when you’re not like that.

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By *he love cats OP Couple
over a year ago

South Wales

"Well, maybe hoped that feelings would develop... Met someone, got along great. Went for even a couple of regular dates. Then she tells me she's dating a millionaire and I'm just a friend.

Not much I can do about that... Ferrari or 04 Focus."

Sorry to hear this, hope your good now.x

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Well, maybe hoped that feelings would develop... Met someone, got along great. Went for even a couple of regular dates. Then she tells me she's dating a millionaire and I'm just a friend.

Not much I can do about that... Ferrari or 04 Focus."

At least without lots of money you know people aren't around you maybe just because of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I can keep my feelings seperate. If I couldn't with someone I'd stop, but it hasn't happened yet xx

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I'm always clear that I'm looking for FWB/FB arrangements, I'm not in the market for a relationship.

I've never wanted more, even with guys I've met weekly for a few years.

Sadly the same doesn't tend to hold in reverse: most of my FWB arrangents have ended when the guy has wanted more, to meet family or move in, or in one case have a baby

It's a shame when these things end but I won't give anyone false hope that I'll ever want more.

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By *he love cats OP Couple
over a year ago

South Wales

"I'm always clear that I'm looking for FWB/FB arrangements, I'm not in the market for a relationship.

I've never wanted more, even with guys I've met weekly for a few years.

Sadly the same doesn't tend to hold in reverse: most of my FWB arrangents have ended when the guy has wanted more, to meet family or move in, or in one case have a baby

It's a shame when these things end but I won't give anyone false hope that I'll ever want more."

A baby

that's crazy. X

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"I'm always clear that I'm looking for FWB/FB arrangements, I'm not in the market for a relationship.

I've never wanted more, even with guys I've met weekly for a few years.

Sadly the same doesn't tend to hold in reverse: most of my FWB arrangents have ended when the guy has wanted more, to meet family or move in, or in one case have a baby

It's a shame when these things end but I won't give anyone false hope that I'll ever want more.

A baby

that's crazy. X"

He was approaching 40 and was growing increasingly desperate to have a child.

It was sad to part but I was never going to give him what he wanted, better he find another woman who would feel the same way about him. He has a child now and is living a good life, and I'm glad for him. I've nothing but love for him or for any of my ex-FWBs.

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

No but I rarely meet anyone more than once for this reason

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By *itzi999Woman
over a year ago

Slough

Nope!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is not a problem for me, I have BPD and a disassociative disorder so feelings don’t materialise. However on the flip side that has often been a problem for partners.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

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By *rooperRedMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

"Well, maybe hoped that feelings would develop... Met someone, got along great. Went for even a couple of regular dates. Then she tells me she's dating a millionaire and I'm just a friend.

Not much I can do about that... Ferrari or 04 Focus.

Sorry to hear this, hope your good now.x"

Well, you move on. Been single for two years and a bit, so it's nothing new.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes its happened to me, I was meeting a guy over a 6 month period, we both developed feelings and I called it a day. It was hard to be honest but it was for the best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to just take things as they come. I don’t often ‘catch feelings’, but it happens towards me a lot. If someone told me they had a 3 meet max rule, I probably wouldn’t see them. That seems a bit cold to me.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

I tend to take it as it comes, for me if you want to meet someone regularly and not get feelings then you have to deal with the situation in a slightly cool way. No texting constantly, no lovey dovey cutesy messages etc, no propping them up emotionally.

I get the impression on here sometimes that folk want the boyfriend/girlfriend experience without the commitment and they want to be the centre of your universe when you don’t even factor on the periphery of theirs.

And if you’re single, and they’re single then I don’t see an issue with catching feelings, unless having sex with multiple folk is more important to them, in which case I’d rather leave it anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over the years I've had a few long term regulars. My feelings never went past the ones you'd feel for a very close friend. I know that they could go further if I'd allow them, but being married I know where the line is that I don't want to cross.

I'm a strong believer that we all can control how far we let our feelings towards others go for them not to become a problem for either party.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having liked people a little too much in the past just for them to disappear/ find someone else I now deliberately keep people at arm's length for this reason. I'd never just meet/message one guy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Over the years I've had a few long term regulars. My feelings never went past the ones you'd feel for a very close friend. I know that they could go further if I'd allow them, but being married I know where the line is that I don't want to cross.

I'm a strong believer that we all can control how far we let our feelings towards others go for them not to become a problem for either party."

I totally agree.

I think some sort of feelings for someone you meet regularly is healthy and natural but I guess some just cant see that.

I was seeing someone for 3 years. He was very special to me and i loved him as a friend but he wanted a "proper" relationship. It was sad when it came to an end and the way that it ended but hes married now and I can only wish him all the luck and happiness in the world.

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By *ack688Man
over a year ago

abruzzo Italy (and UK)

I’m happy to get feelings for people I’m meeting, I think it really adds to the experience of being with people, but to have those feelings for multiple people simultaneously, no jealousy, no possessiveness, being happy that they are having fun and getting feelings for others as well as with me, and not looking for, or expecting those feelings to mean that that becomes exclusive, but then that’s what being poly is for me.

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By *ecky and justCouple
over a year ago

Godalming

It’s a fine balance.

We don’t catch feelings for the majority of our playmates but there are a few select others where they have crossed the boundary into real life and we see them socially as well.

We’re open and honest with each other and have no secrets, allowing us to discuss things quite easily.

One of our regular couples often depart with a “we love you guys” and the sentiment is genuinely returned.

The trust we’ve built up over years means it wouldn’t go any further.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

As I’m looking for friends but not a partner, I’m good at keeping things under control.

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By *urabriteMan
over a year ago

stafford

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take the friends part of fwb very seriously, as in friends not life partners. I was always clear from the start about that and both agreed (not at the same time). However, both admitted to developing feelings for me and we decided to end it there. Looking back, I think it was partly because we were, as far as I was aware, monogamous, so for them it felt more like that stronger commitment rather than casual fun with companionship as a bonus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, always keep it seperate. I can have fun and have more than 1 meet with likeminded people but never develop feelings.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I have had people catch the feelings and that is not for me. I am single and intend to stay that way so I have had to dial back our contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if you're meeting someone regularly and staying in relatively frequent contact then it's normal for there to be some sort of feelings, we aren't robots!

Open and honest communication can help establish boundaries and expectations.

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

I hypothesise, based on my limited experience, that most Friends with Benefits relationships between singles are inherently unstable, and will eventually end in one of many ways. One or both of the participants inevitably develop feelings for the other, or somebody else leading to Drama and collapse of the wave function. Or the relationship dies from lack of interest.

Not necessarily badly - Charlotte and I started out that way and it led to a long term relationship, but I have seen other people get hurt.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?

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By *piderBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Back of Nowhere and Beyond

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?"

I'm so glad you said that.... it's my feeling too!

Having stronger feelings for someone than you hoped or expected to can be awkward and difficult,but only if you make it so. It can just be a really beautiful thing if you look at it like that and celebrate it.

Posh

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

*talk about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, and still do, however it makes the meetings so intense,and so fulfilling for both parties. We do have an understanding however.

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?"

Because emotion is powerful and has just as much potential to cause great unhappiness. If it works out, great. I suspect that it usually doesn’t though.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

A bit but it doesn't really mean much for me. I fall a little bit in love with a lot of people and just enjoy the ride.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?

Because emotion is powerful and has just as much potential to cause great unhappiness. If it works out, great. I suspect that it usually doesn’t though."

So it's to be avoided, like flu?

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?

Because emotion is powerful and has just as much potential to cause great unhappiness. If it works out, great. I suspect that it usually doesn’t though.

So it's to be avoided, like flu?"

No, you go through the unhappiness. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Is it the emotions that cause the problems or the expectations you have as a result of them?

Say I have an arrangement with a guy, we meet regularly for sex but agree that we have no obligation to each other apart from mutual respect. I realise after a time that I really like him, maybe even love him that's only going to be problematic if I want our relationship to change and he doesn't.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?

Because emotion is powerful and has just as much potential to cause great unhappiness. If it works out, great. I suspect that it usually doesn’t though.

So it's to be avoided, like flu?

No, you go through the unhappiness. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself. "

I see. Only people you love or like a lot have the power to hurt you.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Is it the emotions that cause the problems or the expectations you have as a result of them?

I agree with this. Having romantic feelings for someone tends to mean also wanting a committed romantic relationship with that person. It doesn't for me. It only really sucks when that person leaves my life completely but I don't think that's exclusive to just people you have romantic feelings for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't there some chemical reason too? Something that is released in the brain that makes you feel safe with that person etc.

I just turned my feelings off, job done

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is it the emotions that cause the problems or the expectations you have as a result of them?

Agreed.

I think a lot of us feel that sex and love when combined have certain conditions attached.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Is it the emotions that cause the problems or the expectations you have as a result of them?

This is the issue for me. I actually really enjoy regular meets with people you like but I do not want a long term relationship with extra conditions attached.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a monogamous relationship with my last partner for 13 years and didn't have feelings for her, so developing feelings is not really something that I have to worry is going to happen to me. Unfortunately, the quine I'm seeing presently knows what I am and what I want. She was cool with that initially and was supposedly of the same mind, but I can see it quickly changing and will probably have to stop seeing her pretty soon because of it, which is a shame as we're having great sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in a monogamous relationship with my last partner for 13 years and didn't have feelings for her, so developing feelings is not really something that I have to worry is going to happen to me. Unfortunately, the quine I'm seeing presently knows what I am and what I want. She was cool with that initially and was supposedly of the same mind, but I can see it quickly changing and will probably have to stop seeing her pretty soon because of it, which is a shame as we're having great sex."

What kept you with someone for 13 years if you had no feelings?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a feeling’s kind of guy.

If we’re meeting for sex then I’ve already got the feels for you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is it the emotions that cause the problems or the expectations you have as a result of them?

This is the issue for me. I actually really enjoy regular meets with people you like but I do not want a long term relationship with extra conditions attached."

What do you consider to be "conditions"? Exclusivity, stuff like that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't imagine having sex without having some feelings. It would be cold and mechanical otherwise.

This doesn't mean I want anything beyond sex and friendship.

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?

Because emotion is powerful and has just as much potential to cause great unhappiness. If it works out, great. I suspect that it usually doesn’t though.

So it's to be avoided, like flu?

No, you go through the unhappiness. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself.

I see. Only people you love or like a lot have the power to hurt you. "

I’m not saying that people will hurt you on purpose, but where there is emotion there is always the potential to hurt or be hurt. I remember encouraging a female friend to find a FWB to satisfy her physical needs. Then the guy broke it off in a sloppy manner because he didn’t want to get emotionally involved. It wasn’t deep tragic, but the net result of the entire thing was negative and I felt bad for encouraging it. It helped lead to my jaundiced view of emotion in FWB relationships. I think in most cases emotion is going to develop.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

No. I’m not scared of feelings. I’ve had feelings for everyone I’ve met. Probably wouldn’t have carried on meeting them otherwise. I know what I want and I don’t want a relationship. It’s how you handle it. Never been an issue for me.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?

Because emotion is powerful and has just as much potential to cause great unhappiness. If it works out, great. I suspect that it usually doesn’t though.

So it's to be avoided, like flu?

No, you go through the unhappiness. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself.

I see. Only people you love or like a lot have the power to hurt you.

Personally I don't think I could see someone regularly without at least liking them and sharing common interests. As I said earlier it's the difference in expectations that often causes hurt also the main cause of problems in every relationship...lack of clear, honest communication

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?

Because emotion is powerful and has just as much potential to cause great unhappiness. If it works out, great. I suspect that it usually doesn’t though.

So it's to be avoided, like flu?

No, you go through the unhappiness. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself.

I see. Only people you love or like a lot have the power to hurt you.

I think it may also be a case of practice. If you’ve both been around the track a few times, it becomes easier to manage emotion in a FWB relationship. But for people going into a FWB relationship for the first time, like those in my case study, it can be a minefield that they are just not expecting.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Personally I don't think I could see someone regularly without at least liking them and sharing common interests. As I said earlier it's the difference in expectations that often causes hurt also the main cause of problems in every relationship...lack of clear, honest communication"

Agreed - as long as you're clear in what you want, no misleading from either party I don't see emotions as being a bad thing in the slightest. I'm not sure if it's because I'm poly or less jaded than others but every dynamic, relationship (the broad sense of the word) has the potential to cause hurt. You don't close yourself off to everything because of your past, you move forward.

Plus, I think with feelings comes a deeper intimacy. The sex is better in my mind because there's more behind it. I'm probably just a sappy twunt though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kept you with someone for 13 years if you had no feelings?"

Bairns. Unfortunately I was under the deluded impression I was doing the right thing staying for them, which turns out was a load of nonsense. I didn't want to let them down, but us splitting has been the best thing for them, my ex, and certainly my mental health - so I find myself where I'm at at the moment, loving life!

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"No. I’m not scared of feelings. I’ve had feelings for everyone I’ve met. Probably wouldn’t have carried on meeting them otherwise. I know what I want and I don’t want a relationship. It’s how you handle it. Never been an issue for me. "

I was under the impression that the original question was about falling in love and wanting more than fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s why I’m purely one offs. Even if it’s amazing and we get on well - it’s a purely one off situation

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

Yes I’ve “had feelings” but I’m very good at keeping them in check and I get over them ….

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

Don't get close or attached! I was seeing a guy regular for quite a lot of months, Unfortunately it turned out he was a liar and user! He lied about his name and that he was married. I don't judge people or their situations etc but people should be honest and open! I wouldn't of known unless i hasn't reactivated Facebook a few days ago! He popped up on people you know

crap when you trust someone and they make you feel like shit! Worse when they know everything about you. Just keep it casual it's the best way x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Why is it common now for people to be all about "catching" feelings as if it's an illness?

Isn't feeling good emotions something to be celebrated rather than cured or avoided?

Because emotion is powerful and has just as much potential to cause great unhappiness. If it works out, great. I suspect that it usually doesn’t though.

So it's to be avoided, like flu?

No, you go through the unhappiness. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself.

I see. Only people you love or like a lot have the power to hurt you.

Do you think it's possible that there's often a case of one person wanting more, settling for what's on offer rather than nothing then finding out down the line that they can't handle it?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 04/01/22 13:10:19]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Plus, I think with feelings comes a deeper intimacy. The sex is better in my mind because there's more behind it. I'm probably just a sappy twunt though.

I doubt that.

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"Do you think it's possible that there's often a case of one person wanting more, settling for what's on offer rather than nothing then finding out down the line that they can't handle it?"

We’re humans, so I’m sure that every possible permutation has played out a hundred times. I definitely think they experience is the key factor in avoiding unforeseen problems. Even the good suggestions here about communication and clearly setting down Terms of Engagement is something that people would not think of doing before messing up a few times.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Do you think it's possible that there's often a case of one person wanting more, settling for what's on offer rather than nothing then finding out down the line that they can't handle it?

So true of life in general and relationships in particular. It's one reason I wish we had a more pragmatic attitude to relationships in our society

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"Do you think it's possible that there's often a case of one person wanting more, settling for what's on offer rather than nothing then finding out down the line that they can't handle it?

So true of life in general and relationships in particular. It's one reason I wish we had a more pragmatic attitude to relationships in our society"

Not a bad idea, but I think that a lot of things in life need to be experienced before you really get the message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only allowed mine to become a major issue once and I will never put myself or the other person in a position like that again. Since then I have learnt to understand my boundries. I can have a very strong emotional bond with someone and love them without falling 'in love'.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

No. I've developed friendships but have been able to have communication about boundaries and managing feelings. Couple dynamic will make it different, of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really not interested in developing feelings for anyone else..it's just sex.

Our commitment is to each other..i (Mrs PD) would call an immediate stop to any further contact if it cropped up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Catching feelings doesn't have to be a bad thing in my book. It's how you act on and handle them. Knowing that there is a line, respecting each other's boundaries and being honest about how you feel, what you like and dislike.

I enjoy something more regular.

Regular as in repeat, not that we have to speak or message daily, see each other every X number of days. So more of a FWB scenario but not monogamous.

The F part is important to me. If I wouldn't want to spend non-sexual time with you, I won't want to be intimate with you and intimacy is important to me.

I have seen a few possessive situations on fab, where one person has not been honest with the other - saying that were happy not being exclusive just to keep seeing them. When in reality, they wanted that person to only see them.

Very unpleasant to watch when things exploded and said person saw someone else. Very.

Just be honest about what you know you do and do not want and if you are unsure, it's fine to say so too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do tend to fall in love a little bit with my friends, especially if we have been sharing all the deep conversations and suchlike as well as good sex. Have 'the talk' or some stern texting, and know where it will and wont go and just enjoy it for what it is or move on. I dont think it is a bad thing to have these feelings if you have shared many things together and I rather like a bit of unrequited love.

(Howls into the pillow)

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

I’ve stopped meeting certain people due to liking them far too much!

Currently have a chap in my inbox I like far too much he wants to meet and I’m like nope… annoying thing is I like chatting to him!

Generally I do deleted and block. I’m fed up of getting hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if anything, this thread seems to challenge the notion that swingers are more evolved in regards to emotions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think if anything, this thread seems to challenge the notion that swingers are more evolved in regards to emotions "

Depends on your definition of 'swingers'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm really liking reading this thread

. I'd insert a smiley face here but I don't know the secret fab ones

I did see a guy for a few years as a FWB situation but it ended when he left the country. We would meet every week or three. Stayed in touch once he left and remained platonic friends once he eventually returned.

I remember him saying to me after our first few dates he'd like that if either of us ever want to stop seeing each other for whatever reason, to agree to communicate that, without making the other person feel bad or that they are owed an (in depth) explanation.

My initial though was

"wow, ok" and that it was a little odd but seconds later appreciated his honesty and know I am an up front person in that regard too, so fine to agree. Also none of us are mind-readers, so there was nothing to lose by agreeing to his suggestion. May as well say what's on your mind right

There were of course feelings there that naturally grew over time the more we got to know each other but it wasn't an experience I regret or a bitter ending.

Neither of us "caught feelings" in a way to mess up the other person's life Fatal Attraction/It's a Thin Line Between Love and Hate/Obsessed/Wicker Park style

I appreciate those profiles/people who state that they will only meet once or X number of times. As they are also being up front with what works for them/what they are after.

Honesty and respecting boundaries are the key for me. Noone likes rejection or to feel silly after all.

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By *he love cats OP Couple
over a year ago

South Wales

Really love reading this thread as well, I am so glad I posted it thanks so so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Reason for me not getting involved more is that I don't want to take up too many space's as there's a limit on the thread of course, but I am here and taking notice. Xx

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By *wholeLotOfRosieWoman
over a year ago

Pontypridd

Yes, but not in a bad way. I've met guys that are so easy going and great to meet that we've been hooking up for years. I'm fond of them and love our time together, but do not develop love feelings despite being friends.

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By *asycouple1971Couple
over a year ago

midlands

Wife has had a relationship with one of her meets and they are pretty close to the point they call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Known each other for about 4yrs.

Didnt really mind up until the last meet in October last year.

He came over and knew I was WFH on that day and decided to play with the wife, I dont mind that if its done discretly but he got her in the room I was working in and decided to kiss and grope her in front of me like I was a cuck.

I have spoken to the wife about this and felt he has over stepped the mark.

She seems to side with him saying she thought I enjoyed that kind of thing.

I have fallen out with him but not sure he knows but wife still likes him.

All the other meets we try and keep emotions and feelings out of it.

Him x

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"Wife has had a relationship with one of her meets and they are pretty close to the point they call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Known each other for about 4yrs.

Didnt really mind up until the last meet in October last year.

I have spoken to the wife about this and felt he has over stepped the mark.

She seems to side with him saying she thought I enjoyed that kind of thing.

I have fallen out with him but not sure he knows but wife still likes him.

All the other meets we try and keep emotions and feelings out of it.

Him x"
I’d be more annoyed with your wife than her bf ..

We like to build a friendship with people as sex is always better if you get to know what the others likes and dislikes are,That’s as far as it goes tho if one of us started developing feelings other than friendship we would have to have a hard look at our marriage..

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

My wife and I have a rule where if feelings start to appear, all ties are cut.

Its much more of a risk with me than her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s why I’m purely one offs. Even if it’s amazing and we get on well - it’s a purely one off situation

I wanna give you one once in a one off situation one day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My wife and I have a rule where if feelings start to appear, all ties are cut.

Its much more of a risk with me than her."

Nice helmet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I did with an incredible lady on her but sadly we parted ways and no longer on here

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By *all Guy 00Man
over a year ago

Dumfries

Hope it doesn't happen to me when I meet the lassie I've been chatting to on here,but think it could well happen

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"My wife and I have a rule where if feelings start to appear, all ties are cut.

Its much more of a risk with me than her.

Nice helmet."

Thank you. I polish it regularly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I caught all the feels with one and happy to say it's going well.

Definitely wasn't my intention but these things do tend to creep up on you when you least expect it

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Is it the emotions that cause the problems or the expectations you have as a result of them?

This is the issue for me. I actually really enjoy regular meets with people you like but I do not want a long term relationship with extra conditions attached.

What do you consider to be "conditions"? Exclusivity, stuff like that?"

I meant that is when people would like the relationship to become more than just a social/friends one. Exclusivity is one aspect but it is more when the other person wants the relationship to become more of a life partner. I love the social aspect but I just want to remain friends.

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