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"I wasn't asking to meet" yeah, right

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 11:43:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re not wrong

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

There’s so many men on here that don’t use the forums though as they think they’re not for them, unsure of them or aren’t even aware of them

But I do get your point and at times I’m cynical too

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose there’s many that will use whatever angle they can to steer a conversation around to potentially meeting for sex. The willy controlling the brains. Unless I see something that tells me that person isn’t meeting, I find it all a bit long winded and sneaky, and would rather just come out and ask.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake. "

I agree!

I cringe when I see 'fancy a chat?' 'Up for a chat' etc in a message. Yes I love to chat but it isn't chat about life or the weather they want

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

You might find Mumsnet more to your liking.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You might find Mumsnet more to your liking.

"

Really?

She’s entitled to her (totally correct) opinion.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You’re not wrong "

Yay not just me!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *andering Welsh GuyMan
over a year ago

All over the place

Fragile ego syndrome

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with the OP. I've had this too and even get a PM when I comment on the forum, like that's a good excuse x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I'll sometimes message someone that I have no interest in meeting just a response to their status; this is usually because I've found it funny and want tell them so or add a bit more humour to the joke.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There’s so many men on here that don’t use the forums though as they think they’re not for them, unsure of them or aren’t even aware of them

But I do get your point and at times I’m cynical too "

That's fair - forums aren't for everyone and some people are shy (I'm clearly not!). But a non-forumite messaged and said "can we have intelligent chat please". I said yes, go for it. Nothing since.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

If they are living in John o groats and you are in Portsmouth, the likelihood of chats/friendship over sex depending on your interest, is probably outweighed.

I think this is where fab starts 'friendship' end.. I personally don't mail anyone as much as they may seem nice. People are here to fuck, get their interests ticked off and not really chat, so why intrude on that with what colour you've just painted your wall.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to agree with you also

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I suppose there’s many that will use whatever angle they can to steer a conversation around to potentially meeting for sex. The willy controlling the brains. Unless I see something that tells me that person isn’t meeting, I find it all a bit long winded and sneaky, and would rather just come out and ask. "

It does seem sneaky and I can tell the difference between these messages and men who genuinely just want to chat. I do talk to plenty of guys about random stuff. It doesn't feel like there is an agenda.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You might find Mumsnet more to your liking.

"

Pardon? Why is that?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

I agree!

I cringe when I see 'fancy a chat?' 'Up for a chat' etc in a message. Yes I love to chat but it isn't chat about life or the weather they want

"

I feel cynical but "fancy a chat" seems code for "I want to fuck you but I can't bring myself to mention that I'm interested"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You might find Mumsnet more to your liking.

Really?

She’s entitled to her (totally correct) opinion. "

Thanks lovely

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

I see this all the time in the actual thread let alone via DM.

Hijacked threads for inane white Knighting and one liners.

However, I personally love talking to women. I spent my childhood surrounded by them. I don't struggle for things to say.

I have never asked anyone for a meet. That is organic and developes naturally.

So if I sidebar via DM I am only ever having a chat.

I find people interesting and like talking to couples but single men, I struggle with on here.

In a pub or club, no problem as long as we don't discuss sport.

I do,however, completely understand your suspicion when men want to chat.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

It's all wank fodder, nothing more and they want it for free.

Chatting to someone who messages with somethig to actually chat about is great though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I see this all the time in the actual thread let alone via DM.

Hijacked threads for inane white Knighting and one liners.

However, I personally love talking to women. I spent my childhood surrounded by them. I don't struggle for things to say.

I have never asked anyone for a meet. That is organic and developes naturally.

So if I sidebar via DM I am only ever having a chat.

I find people interesting and like talking to couples but single men, I struggle with on here.

In a pub or club, no problem as long as we don't discuss sport.

I do,however, completely understand your suspicion when men want to chat.

"

But I do chat with guys here. Daily. I like making friends and I enjoy the chats. It's the sneaky way some guys "want to chat" when..they don't want to chat. And then I'm made to feel crap and rude because I say I'm not interested and they pretend innocence.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And there's me thinking that everyone who messages me is inexplicably not seeking sex

If your own motivations to be on here aren't for sex it seems reasonable that others might be similarly motivated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]"

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair


"You might find Mumsnet more to your liking.

"

•

You just further dignified her post with that rather myopic comment of yours.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"And there's me thinking that everyone who messages me is inexplicably not seeking sex

If your own motivations to be on here aren't for sex it seems reasonable that others might be similarly motivated.

"

I'm not meeting at present because I've just had enough of the time wasting, sneaky messages and game playing. I totally agree that some people are here for sex AND to chat. But the guys who message me "for a chat" - nah, they're just spinning lines.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE


"I see this all the time in the actual thread let alone via DM.

Hijacked threads for inane white Knighting and one liners.

However, I personally love talking to women. I spent my childhood surrounded by them. I don't struggle for things to say.

I have never asked anyone for a meet. That is organic and developes naturally.

So if I sidebar via DM I am only ever having a chat.

I find people interesting and like talking to couples but single men, I struggle with on here.

In a pub or club, no problem as long as we don't discuss sport.

I do,however, completely understand your suspicion when men want to chat.

But I do chat with guys here. Daily. I like making friends and I enjoy the chats. It's the sneaky way some guys "want to chat" when..they don't want to chat. And then I'm made to feel crap and rude because I say I'm not interested and they pretend innocence. "

I agree. I said you were right to be suspicious. Fab behaviour follows time old traditions of men the world over.

"Can we chat?" I liken to "Can I buy you a drink?" in a pub.

It's an opening that says "I find you attractive and want to engage you more.

When a guy sends a wink its like sending a drink over to a lady.

When he walks over, plonks himself down and shoves half a shandy in front of her, well, that a cock pic in all but name

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere."

If the conversation doesn't flow, it's just not working with that person. Move on! If you hit it off with someone then ...it doesn't feel like an effort to talk to them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inda May SimmonsTV/TS
over a year ago

hexham

To the OP, no, you are not wrong.

But then I guess it is difficult for a lot of guys to establish a connection or to arrange a meet. I have met a lot of guys who are ready to pack the site in because they get nowhere with trying to establish any connections.

I guess a little honesty from all sides is needed.

Crumbs! This online meeting stuff is a real can of worms. Sensitive people get hurt too easily, timid people are too scared to maybe have to face rejection and I feel really sorry for all the beautiful women on here who must face so many messages they just cannot hope to reply to everyone and end up inevitably hurting someone!

“Can we meet?”

Never means that… it means

“Can I come and have sex with you?”

Hmmm

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

w

Your very wrong

Seems guys can’t do anything right on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see it as conversation starter I think, knowing they have probably sent a few out the same. Sort of if you were in a room with people you would say 'hello, how are you' to lots of people, not all of whom you would expect to stop and have a massive long chat with. It's just the to and fro of fab for me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I see this all the time in the actual thread let alone via DM.

Hijacked threads for inane white Knighting and one liners.

However, I personally love talking to women. I spent my childhood surrounded by them. I don't struggle for things to say.

I have never asked anyone for a meet. That is organic and developes naturally.

So if I sidebar via DM I am only ever having a chat.

I find people interesting and like talking to couples but single men, I struggle with on here.

In a pub or club, no problem as long as we don't discuss sport.

I do,however, completely understand your suspicion when men want to chat.

But I do chat with guys here. Daily. I like making friends and I enjoy the chats. It's the sneaky way some guys "want to chat" when..they don't want to chat. And then I'm made to feel crap and rude because I say I'm not interested and they pretend innocence.

I agree. I said you were right to be suspicious. Fab behaviour follows time old traditions of men the world over.

"Can we chat?" I liken to "Can I buy you a drink?" in a pub.

It's an opening that says "I find you attractive and want to engage you more.

When a guy sends a wink its like sending a drink over to a lady.

When he walks over, plonks himself down and shoves half a shandy in front of her, well, that a cock pic in all but name "

But they don't chat after they say "can we chat"? I've tried several times if the guy is someone I find attractive and meets my criteria. I try and every time I'm the one making all the conversation until they ask about sex. I just can't be arsed!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

If the conversation doesn't flow, it's just not working with that person. Move on! If you hit it off with someone then ...it doesn't feel like an effort to talk to them. "

This... but it also depends what you class as a 'simple conversation starter'

Last night (for example) someone tried to start a conversation with me... their profile was all but blank so I expect them to do the initial heavy load of conversation starting... (related I am autistic, statements that aren't explicitly questions don't help me and yes I've had many wonderful conversations on fab over the years it is possible)

This is paraphrased but it went a bit like;

Them: hi Alice - I like that you're into x

Me: OK cool, you've not given me much to go on wanna try something I can respond to that isn't a statement?

Them: I'm Gred, I'm like this as a person and I'm looking for something not related to x, or what you're looking for.

Me: still not helping me bring able to reply here

Them: well I thought I was great at conversation - you do better

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Your very wrong

Seems guys can’t do anything right on here

"

Does seem like that sometimes lol.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake. "

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Your very wrong

Seems guys can’t do anything right on here

"

I asked if I was being too cynical? I expect some push back. But what is your response to my OP other than I am wrong?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else."

This makes sense

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I see this all the time in the actual thread let alone via DM.

Hijacked threads for inane white Knighting and one liners.

However, I personally love talking to women. I spent my childhood surrounded by them. I don't struggle for things to say.

I have never asked anyone for a meet. That is organic and developes naturally.

So if I sidebar via DM I am only ever having a chat.

I find people interesting and like talking to couples but single men, I struggle with on here.

In a pub or club, no problem as long as we don't discuss sport.

I do,however, completely understand your suspicion when men want to chat.

But I do chat with guys here. Daily. I like making friends and I enjoy the chats. It's the sneaky way some guys "want to chat" when..they don't want to chat. And then I'm made to feel crap and rude because I say I'm not interested and they pretend innocence.

I agree. I said you were right to be suspicious. Fab behaviour follows time old traditions of men the world over.

"Can we chat?" I liken to "Can I buy you a drink?" in a pub.

It's an opening that says "I find you attractive and want to engage you more.

When a guy sends a wink its like sending a drink over to a lady.

When he walks over, plonks himself down and shoves half a shandy in front of her, well, that a cock pic in all but name

But they don't chat after they say "can we chat"? I've tried several times if the guy is someone I find attractive and meets my criteria. I try and every time I'm the one making all the conversation until they ask about sex. I just can't be arsed!"

Why is it important that you find them attractive if it's just a chat?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your very wrong

Seems guys can’t do anything right on here

I asked if I was being too cynical? I expect some push back. But what is your response to my OP other than I am wrong?"

You aren’t being too cynical.

I’d suggest a fair few of us feel the same way.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I think a degree of healthy cynicism is important on places like this, I also think it's vital to recognise when that crosses over into feeling completely jaded.

When you reach that point, it's maybe time for some adjustments to expectations

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere."

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

If the conversation doesn't flow, it's just not working with that person. Move on! If you hit it off with someone then ...it doesn't feel like an effort to talk to them. "

So, doesn't that answer your OP.

Members are most likely to engage with people that they might want to meet. There is cynicism in that itself

And being a sex site. It's exactly why most message.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s a lot of cynical people on here op, you’re not alone.

Some people do want to just chat, it’s all up to you if you want to believe them or not. I think I know who just want to chat and who might not. Trust your instincts.

“Can I suck you now’ type messages make me think they don’t want to just chat.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else."

If everyone took the same approach of blocking men from messaging, you wouldn't be able to send those messages you're sending after being intrigued by a profile!

But I can very much understand why someone would choose to block men messaging - and can empathise with the women on here and the countless inane (or worse) messages they have to deal with. Just like in real life, if you want people to talk to you, be interesting and interested! "Fancy a chat" is about as awful a conversation starter as you can get, so can see why you think it's a ruse, OP.

That said, and I know this reads like a "not all men" defence, but it's true. I personally very rarely message randomly, but if we're saying to guys 'don't send "fancy a shag?"' messages (quite rightly!), but then also saying 'don't send chatty messages', there's not a huge amount left? The forums are fun, but not necessarily where you would get to know someone 1:1 in detail - most posts are lost in the noise...much like this rambling one rightly will be!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I see this all the time in the actual thread let alone via DM.

Hijacked threads for inane white Knighting and one liners.

However, I personally love talking to women. I spent my childhood surrounded by them. I don't struggle for things to say.

I have never asked anyone for a meet. That is organic and developes naturally.

So if I sidebar via DM I am only ever having a chat.

I find people interesting and like talking to couples but single men, I struggle with on here.

In a pub or club, no problem as long as we don't discuss sport.

I do,however, completely understand your suspicion when men want to chat.

But I do chat with guys here. Daily. I like making friends and I enjoy the chats. It's the sneaky way some guys "want to chat" when..they don't want to chat. And then I'm made to feel crap and rude because I say I'm not interested and they pretend innocence.

I agree. I said you were right to be suspicious. Fab behaviour follows time old traditions of men the world over.

"Can we chat?" I liken to "Can I buy you a drink?" in a pub.

It's an opening that says "I find you attractive and want to engage you more.

When a guy sends a wink its like sending a drink over to a lady.

When he walks over, plonks himself down and shoves half a shandy in front of her, well, that a cock pic in all but name

But they don't chat after they say "can we chat"? I've tried several times if the guy is someone I find attractive and meets my criteria. I try and every time I'm the one making all the conversation until they ask about sex. I just can't be arsed!

Why is it important that you find them attractive if it's just a chat? "

Because they're not after a chat!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Whilst I think a degree of healthy cynicism is important on places like this, I also think it's vital to recognise when that crosses over into feeling completely jaded.

When you reach that point, it's maybe time for some adjustments to expectations "

Yes I'm jaded atm. Why I'm not meeting. And why I've started the thread - I recognise that I'm quite cynical right now.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies. "

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whilst I think a degree of healthy cynicism is important on places like this, I also think it's vital to recognise when that crosses over into feeling completely jaded.

When you reach that point, it's maybe time for some adjustments to expectations

Yes I'm jaded atm. Why I'm not meeting. And why I've started the thread - I recognise that I'm quite cynical right now. "

Well you're halfway there to better fab times at least

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I see this all the time in the actual thread let alone via DM.

Hijacked threads for inane white Knighting and one liners.

However, I personally love talking to women. I spent my childhood surrounded by them. I don't struggle for things to say.

I have never asked anyone for a meet. That is organic and developes naturally.

So if I sidebar via DM I am only ever having a chat.

I find people interesting and like talking to couples but single men, I struggle with on here.

In a pub or club, no problem as long as we don't discuss sport.

I do,however, completely understand your suspicion when men want to chat.

But I do chat with guys here. Daily. I like making friends and I enjoy the chats. It's the sneaky way some guys "want to chat" when..they don't want to chat. And then I'm made to feel crap and rude because I say I'm not interested and they pretend innocence.

I agree. I said you were right to be suspicious. Fab behaviour follows time old traditions of men the world over.

"Can we chat?" I liken to "Can I buy you a drink?" in a pub.

It's an opening that says "I find you attractive and want to engage you more.

When a guy sends a wink its like sending a drink over to a lady.

When he walks over, plonks himself down and shoves half a shandy in front of her, well, that a cock pic in all but name

But they don't chat after they say "can we chat"? I've tried several times if the guy is someone I find attractive and meets my criteria. I try and every time I'm the one making all the conversation until they ask about sex. I just can't be arsed!

Why is it important that you find them attractive if it's just a chat?

Because they're not after a chat!!"

It can only be your cat they are after them

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I see it as conversation starter I think, knowing they have probably sent a few out the same. Sort of if you were in a room with people you would say 'hello, how are you' to lots of people, not all of whom you would expect to stop and have a massive long chat with. It's just the to and fro of fab for me. "

I can see that. It's an awful conversation starter though! As is "wow love your profile" - I can absolutely see that it's a struggle to know how to kick off a conversation online for some. But when you receive dozens of the same messages every day - I can't help but judge it as very bloody boring!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There’s a lot of cynical people on here op, you’re not alone.

Some people do want to just chat, it’s all up to you if you want to believe them or not. I think I know who just want to chat and who might not. Trust your instincts.

“Can I suck you now’ type messages make me think they don’t want to just chat. "

I think you've called it

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas "

Apparently they still exist! I had a Google and I'm quite surprised and inspired.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

I try and call their bluff by replying with “sure what are we chatting about?” then there’s no reply…ever…is there a tumble emoji?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Apparently they still exist! I had a Google and I'm quite surprised and inspired. "

Prisoners are always on the lookout for pen pals aswell I think

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Apparently they still exist! I had a Google and I'm quite surprised and inspired. "

Google is becoming biblical

With all due respect if people were looking for penpals they would have taken up one of those Google inspired suggestions and not joined fab

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Okay, I'm deeply suspicious about messages that give praise or gushing comments about my appearance. Partly my own insecurity but also because I'm convinced it's just a ruse to try and get in my pants.

However, I/we have loads of general chit chat conversations on here. The vast majority of our PMs are non sexual chatting, with people from forums, people we've met socially etc. Some of the conversations have continued for many months of just chatting between friends. It's perfectly possible to do.....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else.

If everyone took the same approach of blocking men from messaging, you wouldn't be able to send those messages you're sending after being intrigued by a profile!

But I can very much understand why someone would choose to block men messaging - and can empathise with the women on here and the countless inane (or worse) messages they have to deal with. Just like in real life, if you want people to talk to you, be interesting and interested! "Fancy a chat" is about as awful a conversation starter as you can get, so can see why you think it's a ruse, OP.

That said, and I know this reads like a "not all men" defence, but it's true. I personally very rarely message randomly, but if we're saying to guys 'don't send "fancy a shag?"' messages (quite rightly!), but then also saying 'don't send chatty messages', there's not a huge amount left? The forums are fun, but not necessarily where you would get to know someone 1:1 in detail - most posts are lost in the noise...much like this rambling one rightly will be! "

That's a fair comment. And I am aware my OP seems harsh to men. Why I asked the question. There are always two sides. My own profile says I'm looking for intelligent conversation from a FWB so I will judge those who can't converse. They're not for me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas "

Have you seen the cost of letter post?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Whilst I think a degree of healthy cynicism is important on places like this, I also think it's vital to recognise when that crosses over into feeling completely jaded.

When you reach that point, it's maybe time for some adjustments to expectations

Yes I'm jaded atm. Why I'm not meeting. And why I've started the thread - I recognise that I'm quite cynical right now.

Well you're halfway there to better fab times at least "

Hope so!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I see this all the time in the actual thread let alone via DM.

Hijacked threads for inane white Knighting and one liners.

However, I personally love talking to women. I spent my childhood surrounded by them. I don't struggle for things to say.

I have never asked anyone for a meet. That is organic and developes naturally.

So if I sidebar via DM I am only ever having a chat.

I find people interesting and like talking to couples but single men, I struggle with on here.

In a pub or club, no problem as long as we don't discuss sport.

I do,however, completely understand your suspicion when men want to chat.

But I do chat with guys here. Daily. I like making friends and I enjoy the chats. It's the sneaky way some guys "want to chat" when..they don't want to chat. And then I'm made to feel crap and rude because I say I'm not interested and they pretend innocence.

I agree. I said you were right to be suspicious. Fab behaviour follows time old traditions of men the world over.

"Can we chat?" I liken to "Can I buy you a drink?" in a pub.

It's an opening that says "I find you attractive and want to engage you more.

When a guy sends a wink its like sending a drink over to a lady.

When he walks over, plonks himself down and shoves half a shandy in front of her, well, that a cock pic in all but name

But they don't chat after they say "can we chat"? I've tried several times if the guy is someone I find attractive and meets my criteria. I try and every time I'm the one making all the conversation until they ask about sex. I just can't be arsed!

Why is it important that you find them attractive if it's just a chat?

Because they're not after a chat!!

It can only be your cat they are after them "

And that's fine, I know they are. But the sneaky approach of saying "wow love your profile" and then when I say "sorry not interested" - they pretend they weren't actually after my cat to save face. Men can fuck off with that crap!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Have you seen the cost of letter post? "

Stamps though. You can combine the penpalling with rare stamp collecting. Get on the antiques roadshow in 20 yrs.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I frequently message people complimenting their profile pics with no intention of it ever going any further

I don't even expect a reply

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men wanting to start a chat with the hope of getting a shag, on a swingers site.... shock horror

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else.

If everyone took the same approach of blocking men from messaging, you wouldn't be able to send those messages you're sending after being intrigued by a profile!

But I can very much understand why someone would choose to block men messaging - and can empathise with the women on here and the countless inane (or worse) messages they have to deal with. Just like in real life, if you want people to talk to you, be interesting and interested! "Fancy a chat" is about as awful a conversation starter as you can get, so can see why you think it's a ruse, OP.

That said, and I know this reads like a "not all men" defence, but it's true. I personally very rarely message randomly, but if we're saying to guys 'don't send "fancy a shag?"' messages (quite rightly!), but then also saying 'don't send chatty messages', there's not a huge amount left? The forums are fun, but not necessarily where you would get to know someone 1:1 in detail - most posts are lost in the noise...much like this rambling one rightly will be!

That's a fair comment. And I am aware my OP seems harsh to men. Why I asked the question. There are always two sides. My own profile says I'm looking for intelligent conversation from a FWB so I will judge those who can't converse. They're not for me "

Thank you - fwiw, I know exactly where you're coming from. Must be very wearing to spend all day reading pointless messages, so probably harsh but fair! Even I would be a rich man if I had £1 for every unsolicited "hi, how are you"!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 13:06:03]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men wanting to start a chat with the hope of getting a shag, on a swingers site.... shock horror "

It’s not the wanting to chat and then meet that’s the issue, it’s the duplicity.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Have you seen the cost of letter post?

Stamps though. You can combine the penpalling with rare stamp collecting. Get on the antiques roadshow in 20 yrs. "

Maybe carrier pigeon, or owls, or ravens?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you are being a little cynical. The experiences of men and women here is vastly different, women would appear to need to adopt a certain cynicism for their own self preservation from the percentage of twonks here. How cynical is upto you, a conversation takes two people and it's extremely arrogant and lazy to put all the emphasis on the other person. Don't get me wrong, some blokes will be using it the way you said, but not all and it's your unenviable task to sort through them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Men wanting to start a chat with the hope of getting a shag, on a swingers site.... shock horror "

Woman not wanting to sleep with someone who can't manage a simple conversation...shock horror

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do agree to what you're saying but on the other hand I feel no matter what message guys send its not good enough so its whatever gets your attention to answer them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else.

If everyone took the same approach of blocking men from messaging, you wouldn't be able to send those messages you're sending after being intrigued by a profile!

But I can very much understand why someone would choose to block men messaging - and can empathise with the women on here and the countless inane (or worse) messages they have to deal with. Just like in real life, if you want people to talk to you, be interesting and interested! "Fancy a chat" is about as awful a conversation starter as you can get, so can see why you think it's a ruse, OP.

That said, and I know this reads like a "not all men" defence, but it's true. I personally very rarely message randomly, but if we're saying to guys 'don't send "fancy a shag?"' messages (quite rightly!), but then also saying 'don't send chatty messages', there's not a huge amount left? The forums are fun, but not necessarily where you would get to know someone 1:1 in detail - most posts are lost in the noise...much like this rambling one rightly will be!

That's a fair comment. And I am aware my OP seems harsh to men. Why I asked the question. There are always two sides. My own profile says I'm looking for intelligent conversation from a FWB so I will judge those who can't converse. They're not for me

Thank you - fwiw, I know exactly where you're coming from. Must be very wearing to spend all day reading pointless messages, so probably harsh but fair! Even I would be a rich man if I had £1 for every unsolicited "hi, how are you"! "

It has got wearing and that's why I thought maybe I am too cynical now.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Have you seen the cost of letter post?

Stamps though. You can combine the penpalling with rare stamp collecting. Get on the antiques roadshow in 20 yrs.

Maybe carrier pigeon, or owls, or ravens?"

this little side chat

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Maybe a tad cynical OP but fab can do that to you.

However if someone started a message as you suggested in your OP, ie hello, want to chat or alike as you state you are not meeting, isn’t your response of ‘I’m not interested’ a bit presumptuous on your part that they want more or is that your way of saying I don’t like the look of you to just chat

My take on the information you have provided.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I chat to people from all over about all sorts of things and sex isn't generally top of the list. Sure there's the odd one that gets sleazy but I'd say bout 98%of them aren't, I've had some great conversations too, some a laugh and some serious but overall I can't say I'd agree.

Maybe I'm just weird tho

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

If those just looking for chit chat messaged other men, the men that say they get no attention would be happy and the chatterboxes would be happy.

It’s a win win solution in my opinion.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think you are being a little cynical. The experiences of men and women here is vastly different, women would appear to need to adopt a certain cynicism for their own self preservation from the percentage of twonks here. How cynical is upto you, a conversation takes two people and it's extremely arrogant and lazy to put all the emphasis on the other person. Don't get me wrong, some blokes will be using it the way you said, but not all and it's your unenviable task to sort through them."

I wouldn't suggest that all guys are doing this, not at all. I have great conversations with some guys, and I call some friends. It's the sheer number over Christmas/NY that has led to the thread and I get a tiny amount of post compared to some other women

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men wanting to start a chat with the hope of getting a shag, on a swingers site.... shock horror

Woman not wanting to sleep with someone who can't manage a simple conversation...shock horror "

Depends how approachable that person is. Some people here get cranky when it doesn't all go the way they want then the guys end up been slated. Perhaps use the filter to stop guys pestering you.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP point is fair if not slightly over the top - but fair point

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill


"I'll sometimes message someone that I have no interest in meeting just a response to their status; this is usually because I've found it funny and want tell them so or add a bit more humour to the joke."

I get a lot of messages in response to the different status I post- generally about running or fitness. More recently, about having covid. Many made me smile and I got some decent chats out of them.

I couldn’t possibly reply to all the messages that I get sent and say “fancy a chat”, I’d be here all day, so I just delete without even opening them. If I got upset over them, that’d be a lot of emotional energy wasted too…

I do like a nice chat.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Maybe a tad cynical OP but fab can do that to you.

However if someone started a message as you suggested in your OP, ie hello, want to chat or alike as you state you are not meeting, isn’t your response of ‘I’m not interested’ a bit presumptuous on your part that they want more or is that your way of saying I don’t like the look of you to just chat

My take on the information you have provided. "

Yes they're taking it as presumptuous sometimes. But my OP is about this opener being pretty duplicitous. They don't just want to chat. Do they? But what should I reply? "Do you want to chat" is a really boring opener. From experience it's going to end up nowhere and it's a waste of my time. So do I ignore?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If those just looking for chit chat messaged other men, the men that say they get no attention would be happy and the chatterboxes would be happy.

It’s a win win solution in my opinion."

What's the bet none of those who message me for a chat are also messaging men?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe a tad cynical OP but fab can do that to you.

However if someone started a message as you suggested in your OP, ie hello, want to chat or alike as you state you are not meeting, isn’t your response of ‘I’m not interested’ a bit presumptuous on your part that they want more or is that your way of saying I don’t like the look of you to just chat

My take on the information you have provided.

Yes they're taking it as presumptuous sometimes. But my OP is about this opener being pretty duplicitous. They don't just want to chat. Do they? But what should I reply? "Do you want to chat" is a really boring opener. From experience it's going to end up nowhere and it's a waste of my time. So do I ignore? "

You either ignore it or, say yeah sure why not and see how it pans out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe a tad cynical OP but fab can do that to you.

However if someone started a message as you suggested in your OP, ie hello, want to chat or alike as you state you are not meeting, isn’t your response of ‘I’m not interested’ a bit presumptuous on your part that they want more or is that your way of saying I don’t like the look of you to just chat

My take on the information you have provided.

Yes they're taking it as presumptuous sometimes. But my OP is about this opener being pretty duplicitous. They don't just want to chat. Do they? But what should I reply? "Do you want to chat" is a really boring opener. From experience it's going to end up nowhere and it's a waste of my time. So do I ignore? "

Ignoring it will definitely save you time.

That'll give you more time to respond to all the comments here

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I chat to people from all over about all sorts of things and sex isn't generally top of the list. Sure there's the odd one that gets sleazy but I'd say bout 98%of them aren't, I've had some great conversations too, some a laugh and some serious but overall I can't say I'd agree.

Maybe I'm just weird tho "

So do I! But I don't think a single one of those chats has started with "wanna chat?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake. "

Many of the men who message on Fab just want you to friend them so they can see your private pics or have some sexy chat so they can have a w**k.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I chat to people from all over about all sorts of things and sex isn't generally top of the list. Sure there's the odd one that gets sleazy but I'd say bout 98%of them aren't, I've had some great conversations too, some a laugh and some serious but overall I can't say I'd agree.

Maybe I'm just weird tho

So do I! But I don't think a single one of those chats has started with "wanna chat?" "

I think you're making a lot out of nothing tbh. Enjoy the convos you have, if randoms are annoying you then as someone said, block men from contacting you and if there's someone you want to talk to send him a message asking if he fancies a chat lol

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I don't mind having a conversation with someone I'm not interested in sexually, as long as they don't think I'm wasting their time when they ask to meet or want something to wank over, and I decline.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"Maybe a tad cynical OP but fab can do that to you.

However if someone started a message as you suggested in your OP, ie hello, want to chat or alike as you state you are not meeting, isn’t your response of ‘I’m not interested’ a bit presumptuous on your part that they want more or is that your way of saying I don’t like the look of you to just chat

My take on the information you have provided.

Yes they're taking it as presumptuous sometimes. But my OP is about this opener being pretty duplicitous. They don't just want to chat. Do they? But what should I reply? "Do you want to chat" is a really boring opener. From experience it's going to end up nowhere and it's a waste of my time. So do I ignore? "

You choose who you respond to or ignore, it is your inbox.

All conversations online or in person start simply with an opening hello / do you want to talk, it takes the other person to respond to start a conversation and go from there, it will either naturally flow or just fizzle out - takes two though.

I’m not sure what you want the guys to say as an opener, but as you are not meeting or wanting new chats, I’d suggest you use your filters and stop the messages to your box. The tools are there to make everyone’s experience better.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

It's very rare, if ever, I send out a first message. But, those who I would love to have a chat with, including the OP, have their upper age limit just below my age. And that is their right and perogative, and who am I to say otherwise?

For those who I would like a chat with, it could be based on things like an interesting post they have made, or perhaps to comment and/or compliment their profile/photos, etc.

I quite enjoy local history, and I knew as soon as I saw the OP's location - Land of Green Ginger - where that name originates. It made me all nostalgic for the Old Town, the museums, Hepworth's Arcade, and even Bob Carver's stall at the fair - things I could chat about for ages.

Anyway, I digress. Back to the OP's point. Some people on here, in my opinion, do have an agenda; some don't. But, it's those with an agenda that can spoil it for those that don't have one. This leads to cynicism in those receiving these spurious "chat" requests, leading to a lot of potential intelligent chats without any ulterior motive never taking place.

What's the answer? I don't know. I guess it is difficult for those on the receiving end trying to plough through 100s of messages, and for that, I totally get where the OP is coming from.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OP point is fair if not slightly over the top - but fair point "

Er thank you. I think.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Maybe a tad cynical OP but fab can do that to you.

However if someone started a message as you suggested in your OP, ie hello, want to chat or alike as you state you are not meeting, isn’t your response of ‘I’m not interested’ a bit presumptuous on your part that they want more or is that your way of saying I don’t like the look of you to just chat

My take on the information you have provided.

Yes they're taking it as presumptuous sometimes. But my OP is about this opener being pretty duplicitous. They don't just want to chat. Do they? But what should I reply? "Do you want to chat" is a really boring opener. From experience it's going to end up nowhere and it's a waste of my time. So do I ignore?

Ignoring it will definitely save you time.

That'll give you more time to respond to all the comments here "

Exactly what I'm doing! If I start a thread I do try hard to acknowledge people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Many of the men who message on Fab just want you to friend them so they can see your private pics or have some sexy chat so they can have a w**k. "

I'm onto them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Exactly what I'm doing! If I start a thread I do try hard to acknowledge people. "

Great. Fancy a fuck?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

I dunno. I'd like to think they're being honest but maybe I'm naive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I chat to people from all over about all sorts of things and sex isn't generally top of the list. Sure there's the odd one that gets sleazy but I'd say bout 98%of them aren't, I've had some great conversations too, some a laugh and some serious but overall I can't say I'd agree.

Maybe I'm just weird tho

So do I! But I don't think a single one of those chats has started with "wanna chat?"

I think you're making a lot out of nothing tbh. Enjoy the convos you have, if randoms are annoying you then as someone said, block men from contacting you and if there's someone you want to talk to send him a message asking if he fancies a chat lol"

Ok, thanks for your input. I like to keep my messages open for the forum, but I realise it's a compromise. I guess I just felt like some men are playing a game and I don't want to play so I won't.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't mind having a conversation with someone I'm not interested in sexually, as long as they don't think I'm wasting their time when they ask to meet or want something to wank over, and I decline."

But as Aviatrix said, there isn't time to chat to every man who asks is there? I don't have a problem saying no if a chat turns sexual and I'm not on board.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I can totally relate to this op.

I state several times I'm not meeting, but still get messages that hint at just chatting.

So you're polite for a while, until they try to turn it into more. Then when you remind them you're not meeting, they try to say that wasn't their intention.

It makes me suspicious of any chat now.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I have also tightened my filters up.

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE


"I have also tightened my filters up. "

Can't beat a tightened filter.

Unless you hijack a thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Maybe a tad cynical OP but fab can do that to you.

However if someone started a message as you suggested in your OP, ie hello, want to chat or alike as you state you are not meeting, isn’t your response of ‘I’m not interested’ a bit presumptuous on your part that they want more or is that your way of saying I don’t like the look of you to just chat

My take on the information you have provided.

Yes they're taking it as presumptuous sometimes. But my OP is about this opener being pretty duplicitous. They don't just want to chat. Do they? But what should I reply? "Do you want to chat" is a really boring opener. From experience it's going to end up nowhere and it's a waste of my time. So do I ignore?

You choose who you respond to or ignore, it is your inbox.

All conversations online or in person start simply with an opening hello / do you want to talk, it takes the other person to respond to start a conversation and go from there, it will either naturally flow or just fizzle out - takes two though.

I’m not sure what you want the guys to say as an opener, but as you are not meeting or wanting new chats, I’d suggest you use your filters and stop the messages to your box. The tools are there to make everyone’s experience better. "

I keep messages open for men for the forums. Because I do often have good chat via the forums. I turn it off periodically when I've had enough! It's been useful to get others' feedback as always.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can totally relate to this op.

I state several times I'm not meeting, but still get messages that hint at just chatting.

So you're polite for a while, until they try to turn it into more. Then when you remind them you're not meeting, they try to say that wasn't their intention.

It makes me suspicious of any chat now. "

Its ok if I message anyone as only meeting my physio, pharmacist, district nurse and surgeon in the near future

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It's very rare, if ever, I send out a first message. But, those who I would love to have a chat with, including the OP, have their upper age limit just below my age. And that is their right and perogative, and who am I to say otherwise?

For those who I would like a chat with, it could be based on things like an interesting post they have made, or perhaps to comment and/or compliment their profile/photos, etc.

I quite enjoy local history, and I knew as soon as I saw the OP's location - Land of Green Ginger - where that name originates. It made me all nostalgic for the Old Town, the museums, Hepworth's Arcade, and even Bob Carver's stall at the fair - things I could chat about for ages.

Anyway, I digress. Back to the OP's point. Some people on here, in my opinion, do have an agenda; some don't. But, it's those with an agenda that can spoil it for those that don't have one. This leads to cynicism in those receiving these spurious "chat" requests, leading to a lot of potential intelligent chats without any ulterior motive never taking place.

What's the answer? I don't know. I guess it is difficult for those on the receiving end trying to plough through 100s of messages, and for that, I totally get where the OP is coming from."

I guess this is where socials/clubs play a part as limits and filters are down?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Exactly what I'm doing! If I start a thread I do try hard to acknowledge people.

Great. Fancy a fuck? "

Acknowledge not agree to anything!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I dunno. I'd like to think they're being honest but maybe I'm naive. "

Um. Yeah, a little naive. I'm not meeting partly because the dishonesty of some men has got to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can totally relate to this op.

I state several times I'm not meeting, but still get messages that hint at just chatting.

So you're polite for a while, until they try to turn it into more. Then when you remind them you're not meeting, they try to say that wasn't their intention.

It makes me suspicious of any chat now. "

This is where I am at present. And I know it makes us more cynical and suspicious of those who are actually honest with their intentions.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe


"I guess this is where socials/clubs play a part as limits and filters are down?"

I think for some this would be the solution. Not for me, though.

Not quite the same, but a few years ago I went to an organised date night at Goodfellowship Inn, on Cottingham Road, and hated every minute of it. The conversation was contrived and didn't flow naturally.

Safe to say, I never went back!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake. "

I think in most cases you are probably right OP. The annoying thing is that for me personally I do like to chat and I'm intrigued, I like to discuss things that excite me or I haven't tried before. Unfortunately I will get put into the bracket of an 'annoying bloke' and to be totally honest.....I get it, why take the risk. Have faith in some of us though OP

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle somewhere

I’ve spoken to a few people in this thread just for a chat. I would like to think I’ve been nothing short of a gentleman. Boring. But a gentleman

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I haven't sent a first contact message is almost 2 years so all conversations are initiated by others.

Some want to play fabtag by blowing smoke up my arse in their first message but can't carry a conversation after that and expect me to chase and do all the heavy lifting.

Orders jump straight in almost as if we were mid conversation and don't concern themselves with introductions and that is actually a good sign that they are genuinely interested in chatting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake. "

I feel exactly the same.

How about the guys who say they want to fuck you then when you decline say “let’s just be friends then”.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I guess this is where socials/clubs play a part as limits and filters are down?

I think for some this would be the solution. Not for me, though.

Not quite the same, but a few years ago I went to an organised date night at Goodfellowship Inn, on Cottingham Road, and hated every minute of it. The conversation was contrived and didn't flow naturally.

Safe to say, I never went back!"

Urgh can't think of a worse night! I've been to kinky socials and nothing like that.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

I think in most cases you are probably right OP. The annoying thing is that for me personally I do like to chat and I'm intrigued, I like to discuss things that excite me or I haven't tried before. Unfortunately I will get put into the bracket of an 'annoying bloke' and to be totally honest.....I get it, why take the risk. Have faith in some of us though OP "

But men who actually do like to chat and talk to women - that comes across in messages. Men who are using "wanna chat" as a shortcut to sex - not the same thing at all. I do have faith but probably not as much as I used to. I am told I'm quite a wary person and that makes me sad because I didn't used to be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’ve spoken to a few people in this thread just for a chat. I would like to think I’ve been nothing short of a gentleman. Boring. But a gentleman "

We've chatted and yes, you were a gentleman

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By *orkshireDrifterMan
over a year ago

Nafferton, nr Driffield.

Guys desperate for a shag are all too transparent.

Anyway, solo women and a lot of couples get bombarded by messages that I wonder that many get opened.

When operating as a couple we used to seek out guys as and when we wanted a three+, usually when away from home.

Not w I apply the reverse principle to my own a availability & it seems to work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bullshit. I speak to one or two people without the intention of meeting for ..well, you know.

Judge one, we're all the same eh

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By *byeguysCouple (MM)
over a year ago

Paisley

We message people sometimes for general chat. We’re currently talking to a couple of gamers about various nonsense and a woman from the bottom of England about the shows.

We’re here for friends as well as the usual things.

No doubt some folk are only here for some fun but we are also looking to generally network on top of that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If Men and Women communicated in the same way and understood each other's language then the divorce lawyers and expensive counsellors would be redundant Perish the thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else.

This makes sense "

Can I get this in writing? It's not often a woman says I make sense. I may even put it in my profile..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else.

This makes sense

Can I get this in writing? It's not often a woman says I make sense. I may even put it in my profile.. "

Oh yes. I'm so famous here that a quote will do wonders for you

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Have you seen the cost of letter post?

Stamps though. You can combine the penpalling with rare stamp collecting. Get on the antiques roadshow in 20 yrs.

Maybe carrier pigeon, or owls, or ravens?

this little side chat "

It's not easy. She keeps trying to drag the conversation back round to wanton sexual debauchery..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I haven't sent a first contact message is almost 2 years so all conversations are initiated by others.

Some want to play fabtag by blowing smoke up my arse in their first message but can't carry a conversation after that and expect me to chase and do all the heavy lifting.

Orders jump straight in almost as if we were mid conversation and don't concern themselves with introductions and that is actually a good sign that they are genuinely interested in chatting.

"

I have enough conversational heavy lifting with my teens, I'm not doing it with men! I am a very easy person to talk to when someone is participating too.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

I feel exactly the same.

How about the guys who say they want to fuck you then when you decline say “let’s just be friends then”. "

Lol. Like that's going to happen. I've tried and they just keep bringing it up.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Guys desperate for a shag are all too transparent.

Anyway, solo women and a lot of couples get bombarded by messages that I wonder that many get opened.

When operating as a couple we used to seek out guys as and when we wanted a three+, usually when away from home.

Not w I apply the reverse principle to my own a availability & it seems to work.

"

Wanting sex - nothing wrong with it. We all need it. But I don't like feeling manipulated.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Bullshit. I speak to one or two people without the intention of meeting for ..well, you know.

Judge one, we're all the same eh "

Lovely to see you've read the whole thread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We message people sometimes for general chat. We’re currently talking to a couple of gamers about various nonsense and a woman from the bottom of England about the shows.

We’re here for friends as well as the usual things.

No doubt some folk are only here for some fun but we are also looking to generally network on top of that."

I do chat! About all sorts! The thread is not about that - it's the people who are "wanna chat" with no interest in anything other than getting my knickers off and don't actually chat.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Have you seen the cost of letter post?

Stamps though. You can combine the penpalling with rare stamp collecting. Get on the antiques roadshow in 20 yrs.

Maybe carrier pigeon, or owls, or ravens?

this little side chat

It's not easy. She keeps trying to drag the conversation back round to wanton sexual debauchery.."

The hussy!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love meeting people and chatting to people of all genders. If there's an attraction it might lead somewhere other than friendship but if I like the sound of someone's profile or they're good banter in the forums, or even if I just feel like saying hello I will. I've met some good people from just being me. Only once has it led to anything more than bloody good friends and that's my choice.

Be cynical all you like, doesn't make you right.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

Probably in 90+% of cases youre right and its a ploy - but maybe some guys will message you because they saw you post something interesting in a forum - just maybe. So again its not 100% certain but do you want to risk losing the love of your life - with an assumption…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else.

This makes sense

Can I get this in writing? It's not often a woman says I make sense. I may even put it in my profile..

Oh yes. I'm so famous here that a quote will do wonders for you "

That was Nora. She's fab royalty. it's like getting a 'By Appointment' recommendation, although she will probably deny it now...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Have you seen the cost of letter post?

Stamps though. You can combine the penpalling with rare stamp collecting. Get on the antiques roadshow in 20 yrs.

Maybe carrier pigeon, or owls, or ravens?

this little side chat

It's not easy. She keeps trying to drag the conversation back round to wanton sexual debauchery..

The hussy! "

She knows I'll cave eventually..maybe not that eventually..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

Well of course they want sex, that's why they are here. If I message you it will probably be following a comment you made in the forums, or a particular aspect of your profile that intrigued me. I will also have weighed you up, from the limited information available, as to whether I like the idea of bumping uglies with you. However, the reality is usually far different and even if we strike up a conversation that goes anywhere, the option or any suggestion of a meet tends to wither away quickly on one side or the other. It's rare that the chemistry exists to take things further. It may leave a friendship, it may not.

I will occasionally chat with other men, but only in the forums, in response to a thread comment. I block men from messaging me for the same reasons as anyone else.

This makes sense

Can I get this in writing? It's not often a woman says I make sense. I may even put it in my profile..

Oh yes. I'm so famous here that a quote will do wonders for you

That was Nora. She's fab royalty. it's like getting a 'By Appointment' recommendation, although she will probably deny it now..."

Lol. Yes Nora will do wonders

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull


"I guess this is where socials/clubs play a part as limits and filters are down?

I think for some this would be the solution. Not for me, though.

Not quite the same, but a few years ago I went to an organised date night at Goodfellowship Inn, on Cottingham Road, and hated every minute of it. The conversation was contrived and didn't flow naturally.

Safe to say, I never went back!"

Do you mean like a group date night? Sounds toe curlingly grim and it being in The Goodfellowship makes it even worse

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I love meeting people and chatting to people of all genders. If there's an attraction it might lead somewhere other than friendship but if I like the sound of someone's profile or they're good banter in the forums, or even if I just feel like saying hello I will. I've met some good people from just being me. Only once has it led to anything more than bloody good friends and that's my choice.

Be cynical all you like, doesn't make you right. "

That's why I continue to leave my messages open. I love talking with people. As I've said in other comments - I can tell the difference between those who message and are interested in chatting and those who say "wanna chat" in order to get my knickers off. That's what I am cynical about and it would seem I am not alone.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I've spoken to people that I don't want to sleep with, you might be right about most guys but just because someone is messaging it doesn't mean they want sex with you.

I'll make it known I find someone attractive if I want to sleep with them but I can hold a convo without it being about sex and there's people on here that will back me up on this, saying that they're also some of the ones I'd like to sleep with

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Probably in 90+% of cases youre right and its a ploy - but maybe some guys will message you because they saw you post something interesting in a forum - just maybe. So again its not 100% certain but do you want to risk losing the love of your life - with an assumption… "

Two have messaged me via this thread and we have had nice chats. Happens quite a lot and that's why my messages are still open. It's the chancers I am frustrated by.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe


"Probably in 90+% of cases youre right and its a ploy - but maybe some guys will message you because they saw you post something interesting in a forum - just maybe. So again its not 100% certain but do you want to risk losing the love of your life - with an assumption…

Two have messaged me via this thread and we have had nice chats. Happens quite a lot and that's why my messages are still open. It's the chancers I am frustrated by. "

I would be three, but I'm old and ancient

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/01/22 12:03:10]

Very cynical OP

Personally, I find chatting through text very difficult. The conversation never flows. It can almost feel like being ignored when you don't get a reply with a simple conversation starter.

So by the time you get a reply and message again it seems like you're starting the same conversation again and it hasn't moved anywhere.

You young uns don't remember what it was like to have penpals. We would send a letter (on paper, in an envelope) and then it would be a week or so before a reply came back. Conversations don't have to be instant replies for us oldies.

I would love a proper paper and pen penpal. I want to see handwritten thoughts and feelings and ideas

Have you seen the cost of letter post?

Stamps though. You can combine the penpalling with rare stamp collecting. Get on the antiques roadshow in 20 yrs.

Maybe carrier pigeon, or owls, or ravens?

this little side chat

It's not easy. She keeps trying to drag the conversation back round to wanton sexual debauchery..

The hussy!

She knows I'll cave eventually..maybe not that eventually.."

Yeah you don't want to get pushed into debauchery. That would be...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've spoken to people that I don't want to sleep with, you might be right about most guys but just because someone is messaging it doesn't mean they want sex with you.

I'll make it known I find someone attractive if I want to sleep with them but I can hold a convo without it being about sex and there's people on here that will back me up on this, saying that they're also some of the ones I'd like to sleep with "

My OP wasn't about the guys who message because I've said something they agree with or find funny or want to talk more - I happily chat to those guys. My OP was about the chancers who pretend to want to "just chat" as a precursor to talking about sex or getting access to my pics or pushing for a meet. And I know this because I've had probably hundreds of messages from the chancers. And they follow the same pattern when I reply. Every time.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I love meeting people and chatting to people of all genders. If there's an attraction it might lead somewhere other than friendship but if I like the sound of someone's profile or they're good banter in the forums, or even if I just feel like saying hello I will. I've met some good people from just being me. Only once has it led to anything more than bloody good friends and that's my choice.

Be cynical all you like, doesn't make you right.

That's why I continue to leave my messages open. I love talking with people. As I've said in other comments - I can tell the difference between those who message and are interested in chatting and those who say "wanna chat" in order to get my knickers off. That's what I am cynical about and it would seem I am not alone. "

Sorry, thread is very big with a lot of quoting and I was late to the party and didn't read all the comments. I skimmed a few. Tbh I get the cynicism as I get messages from men too, and when they just say "hi mate, how's it going?" I know there's only one way they want the conversation to go, and there's only one list they get added to. When someone genuinely chats about something interesting I'll chat away all day or night and swap numbers and if they're local meet up etc. I'm too trusting for my own good sometimes.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"I've spoken to people that I don't want to sleep with, you might be right about most guys but just because someone is messaging it doesn't mean they want sex with you.

I'll make it known I find someone attractive if I want to sleep with them but I can hold a convo without it being about sex and there's people on here that will back me up on this, saying that they're also some of the ones I'd like to sleep with

My OP wasn't about the guys who message because I've said something they agree with or find funny or want to talk more - I happily chat to those guys. My OP was about the chancers who pretend to want to "just chat" as a precursor to talking about sex or getting access to my pics or pushing for a meet. And I know this because I've had probably hundreds of messages from the chancers. And they follow the same pattern when I reply. Every time. "

You will always get them, even if you clearly state in bold text you aren't currently meeting and have no interest in sex or talking about it. Some guys are just really thirsty.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I love meeting people and chatting to people of all genders. If there's an attraction it might lead somewhere other than friendship but if I like the sound of someone's profile or they're good banter in the forums, or even if I just feel like saying hello I will. I've met some good people from just being me. Only once has it led to anything more than bloody good friends and that's my choice.

Be cynical all you like, doesn't make you right.

That's why I continue to leave my messages open. I love talking with people. As I've said in other comments - I can tell the difference between those who message and are interested in chatting and those who say "wanna chat" in order to get my knickers off. That's what I am cynical about and it would seem I am not alone.

Sorry, thread is very big with a lot of quoting and I was late to the party and didn't read all the comments. I skimmed a few. Tbh I get the cynicism as I get messages from men too, and when they just say "hi mate, how's it going?" I know there's only one way they want the conversation to go, and there's only one list they get added to. When someone genuinely chats about something interesting I'll chat away all day or night and swap numbers and if they're local meet up etc. I'm too trusting for my own good sometimes.

"

I have been very trusting and it's just got me hurt. But yes, it was those kinds of messages where you know where it's going but if I call them on it they will gaslight me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've spoken to people that I don't want to sleep with, you might be right about most guys but just because someone is messaging it doesn't mean they want sex with you.

I'll make it known I find someone attractive if I want to sleep with them but I can hold a convo without it being about sex and there's people on here that will back me up on this, saying that they're also some of the ones I'd like to sleep with

My OP wasn't about the guys who message because I've said something they agree with or find funny or want to talk more - I happily chat to those guys. My OP was about the chancers who pretend to want to "just chat" as a precursor to talking about sex or getting access to my pics or pushing for a meet. And I know this because I've had probably hundreds of messages from the chancers. And they follow the same pattern when I reply. Every time.

You will always get them, even if you clearly state in bold text you aren't currently meeting and have no interest in sex or talking about it. Some guys are just really thirsty. "

I have stated I am not currently meeting!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"I've spoken to people that I don't want to sleep with, you might be right about most guys but just because someone is messaging it doesn't mean they want sex with you.

I'll make it known I find someone attractive if I want to sleep with them but I can hold a convo without it being about sex and there's people on here that will back me up on this, saying that they're also some of the ones I'd like to sleep with

My OP wasn't about the guys who message because I've said something they agree with or find funny or want to talk more - I happily chat to those guys. My OP was about the chancers who pretend to want to "just chat" as a precursor to talking about sex or getting access to my pics or pushing for a meet. And I know this because I've had probably hundreds of messages from the chancers. And they follow the same pattern when I reply. Every time.

You will always get them, even if you clearly state in bold text you aren't currently meeting and have no interest in sex or talking about it. Some guys are just really thirsty.

I have stated I am not currently meeting! "

Most guys won't even check

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obviously everyone is different but I do like to chat even if there's no attraction either way. iv been chatting to some for yrs never going to meet either to far or we aren't botheded sexually been single can get lonely so nice to no you can just chat not every hole is a goal.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've spoken to people that I don't want to sleep with, you might be right about most guys but just because someone is messaging it doesn't mean they want sex with you.

I'll make it known I find someone attractive if I want to sleep with them but I can hold a convo without it being about sex and there's people on here that will back me up on this, saying that they're also some of the ones I'd like to sleep with

My OP wasn't about the guys who message because I've said something they agree with or find funny or want to talk more - I happily chat to those guys. My OP was about the chancers who pretend to want to "just chat" as a precursor to talking about sex or getting access to my pics or pushing for a meet. And I know this because I've had probably hundreds of messages from the chancers. And they follow the same pattern when I reply. Every time.

You will always get them, even if you clearly state in bold text you aren't currently meeting and have no interest in sex or talking about it. Some guys are just really thirsty.

I have stated I am not currently meeting!

Most guys won't even check "

Don't I know it

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ewBurtonMan
over a year ago

Derby

I thought we are all here for sex

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I've contacted people just for a chat before. I've been wanting to go to some club nights so I occasionally message people who regularly go and networking before I go so that maybe I'll know someone.

I've also done as described here, and messaged to reply to a status (usually with a sarcastic remark)

Pictures as well. If I see a new photo that's awesome I'll send them a message and tell them it's awesome. They'll usually reply "thanks" and I don't message any further.

The only lengthy chat I've had recently was with someone that I wasn't interested in and they weren't interested in me. We were chatting about a couple of forum topics and the state of dating apps.

If I am just chatting then I'll generally write a decent length of message discussing something or asking a question or usually asking about pets. I think you are right about the "wanna chat" messages though as there are a large proportion of people using it as an in.

I've also known women to put "not currently meeting" as a way to deter guys and out the dross. They are meeting and using it as a polite line if anyone persists, but will happily entertainment people if they feel like it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I thought we are all here for sex "

No.

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By *itzi999Woman
over a year ago

Slough


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake. "

This is a swinging site! We are here for sex, not relationships.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *itzi999Woman
over a year ago

Slough


"I thought we are all here for sex "

We are! Who in their right mind is here for a relationship???

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"I thought we are all here for sex

We are! Who in their right mind is here for a relationship??? "

Not me, I already tried that and it didn't end well

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

This is a swinging site! We are here for sex, not relationships. "

Thanks for the clear post, I was beginning to wonder reading this thread.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We get it a lot…

You know the next comment is going to be ‘do you want to meet?’, so sometimes you pre-empt it by saying we aren’t interested.

They then come back with ‘I only wanted to chat’

Yeah right, you’re on a swinging site asking us if we are ok, just out of the goodness of your heart…it must be time consuming contacting all the profiles on FAB to ask if they are all ok…

K

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

This is a swinging site! We are here for sex, not relationships. "

When did I mention relationships? I was talking about the "wanna chat" approach of many guys here who have no interest in conversing. Am I not allowed to talk to the guys I fuck? Is that some Fab rule I am unaware of?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I get very frustrated with men who message "just for a chat" "just want to make friends" "just saying hello". Or who just say Merry Christmas etc or give compliments and then when I say I'm not interested - "but I wasn't asking?".

I'm cynical. I don't think they're really just wanting to chat or make friends. I don't believe them. Because if you wanted to chat or make friends you'd actually chat about something. You'd go on the forum and then get talking to people about something they wrote or you have in common. If you just wanted to make friends your profile wouldn't say "here for fun". And you'd be chatty on the forum with not just women.

Am I wrong here? Am I overly cynical? My gut tells me these guys want sex and they're just trying an alternative route. It seems fake.

This is a swinging site! We are here for sex, not relationships. "

Everyone has their own reasons for being on here. If you are looking for a relationship, what better place to find a partner in crime? I don’t understand the issue….

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've contacted people just for a chat before. I've been wanting to go to some club nights so I occasionally message people who regularly go and networking before I go so that maybe I'll know someone.

I've also done as described here, and messaged to reply to a status (usually with a sarcastic remark)

Pictures as well. If I see a new photo that's awesome I'll send them a message and tell them it's awesome. They'll usually reply "thanks" and I don't message any further.

The only lengthy chat I've had recently was with someone that I wasn't interested in and they weren't interested in me. We were chatting about a couple of forum topics and the state of dating apps.

If I am just chatting then I'll generally write a decent length of message discussing something or asking a question or usually asking about pets. I think you are right about the "wanna chat" messages though as there are a large proportion of people using it as an in.

I've also known women to put "not currently meeting" as a way to deter guys and out the dross. They are meeting and using it as a polite line if anyone persists, but will happily entertainment people if they feel like it.

"

Sounds like you've figured out a system . I'm tempted to leave "not meeting" up all year as it's helped.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

In my experience it is the opposite for me.

They say they want to meet just so they can get you to chat them through a wank.

You know the ones, been on here over a year, no veris and are from 200 miles away

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We get it a lot…

You know the next comment is going to be ‘do you want to meet?’, so sometimes you pre-empt it by saying we aren’t interested.

They then come back with ‘I only wanted to chat’

Yeah right, you’re on a swinging site asking us if we are ok, just out of the goodness of your heart…it must be time consuming contacting all the profiles on FAB to ask if they are all ok…

K"

Yes! I know where it's going. Because it's the same each time. Precisely what my OP was about.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everybody wants something

It is rarely a chat

Or if it is, see how many messages it takes before the smuttery starts

Or see how many messages are exchanged before they lose interest

This isn't a trait peculiar to Fab

The thing is, I am on a site with a sexual undertone

I assume they think I'm not here to chat either

So, I smile to myself and think 'here we go again'

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

It's quite a 'face saving' response. It's much better than crushing embarrassment or defensiveness.

I say it stays.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

P.S.

I haven't read the thread so apols if I am repeating everyone else.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Maybe they do want to just chat? I don't think I've quite got the cynicism of Fab yet - I tend to assume that most of the people who message me and say about talking/make general, kind of inane chitchat are a bit lonely or bored. Just want some human interaction. I highly doubt they're messaging for sex chat or in the hope it leads to sex.

I do understand how it could feel and be like that for you but, in a very not patronising way, try not to be too jaded on here. Sometimes people just like interaction with someone. Ah fuck that sounds patronising I know. They probably are hoping for more sometimes.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

I'm only ever after lipstick and gin.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I do have some great conversations with no intention of it going any further.

The second it turns to sexting I'm gone though, and I am pretty clear at the outset that it does nothing but bore me - I'm not here to provide wank fodder.

I think a lot of people are lonely and just looking for some sort of connection right now, just wanting to be seen. A conversation online is just one way to feel less isolated and unnoticed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair I have message women on here literally just to chat.

Either in reply to their status with what I think is a very funny response( it normally isnt) or quite often ppl put up statuses when they are upset,or someone has been nasty so I just check how they are.

I guess it depends what they 'just want to chat' about.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"I’ve spoken to a few people in this thread just for a chat. I would like to think I’ve been nothing short of a gentleman. Boring. But a gentleman "

You give great chat!

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

It happens.

Not always, but often.

Not being cynical, just observing a truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can’t win. I tried starting a few messages with “can I dump my muck all over your tits” to “hi, fancy a chat?” and neither works.

Think I’m going to go with “I’m nearby” see if that works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do have some great conversations with no intention of it going any further.

The second it turns to sexting I'm gone though, and I am pretty clear at the outset that it does nothing but bore me - I'm not here to provide wank fodder.

I think a lot of people are lonely and just looking for some sort of connection right now, just wanting to be seen. A conversation online is just one way to feel less isolated and unnoticed."

I think that's true too, when I have been only or insecure, giving someone attention hopefully gets attention back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You might find Mumsnet more to your liking.

"

Why? Does mumsnet tolerate rudeness and cynical tactics? I know they have their own impenetrable jargon but i’m sure messaging people under false pretences and then becoming defensive is not welcomed there either!

(Mr)

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"

Sounds like you've figured out a system . I'm tempted to leave "not meeting" up all year as it's helped. "

Ive had a real insight to this as my wife is on here too.

We're very different sexually and I'm more of a relationship guy, so we've talked about things that work and I've been told of some of the horrendous lame messages that guys send.

In my life I've usually got to know people before I've done anything and so I'm a bit of a chatty guy. Sometimes I start a chat with nothing in mind but you never know.

I like speaking with people so even if nothing happens I'm more than happy to chat and continue to chat even if they've said they are not interested. I'm sure some will think that I'm just not getting the message and being like those other guys, but Im really not. I like talking shit.

As with everything on this and dating apps, the majority have spoiled it for the minority.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The thread will fill up shortly. I'd like to thank everyone for their input, it does give me things to think about and that's why I asked. I don't like being cynical and I'd prefer to think the best starting out with a chat. Experience has shown me that my cynicism is warranted, but also that there are many people whom I do enjoy a chat with. No matter where it goes. Accept the bad with the good. And there is plenty of good chat on Fab!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You might find Mumsnet more to your liking.

Why? Does mumsnet tolerate rudeness and cynical tactics? I know they have their own impenetrable jargon but i’m sure messaging people under false pretences and then becoming defensive is not welcomed there either!

(Mr)"

I think he was saying that if I wanted to talk to people rather than just bonk like rabbits, I'm on the wrong site. I thought I could bonk AND chat but I've been schooled so...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can’t win. I tried starting a few messages with “can I dump my muck all over your tits” to “hi, fancy a chat?” and neither works.

Think I’m going to go with “I’m nearby” see if that works "

Let us know if it works!

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"The thread will fill up shortly. I'd like to thank everyone for their input, it does give me things to think about and that's why I asked. I don't like being cynical and I'd prefer to think the best starting out with a chat. Experience has shown me that my cynicism is warranted, but also that there are many people whom I do enjoy a chat with. No matter where it goes. Accept the bad with the good. And there is plenty of good chat on Fab! "

Good to chat

Nice to have a civil conversation about these things.

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