FabSwingers.com forum: Am I a bad person

By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

I am starting to struggle to believe I'm a nice person anymore. Don't get me wrong I have a heart of gold an enjoy nothing more than helping others no matter what it may be. I just feel like any bit of happiness I'm shown it throws me inside a bubble of happiness. It's keeping the bubble together that's the problem. I either get attached too the person or show too much passion. Which in my eyes would make me happy but what's wrong in being a nice guy. I feel no good as a man so trying too make myself feel more attractive an find my inner self is fun but I'm only trying to feel attractive about myself. I've never felt so lost or lonely an having no one too help me blossom is agonising. I've made some fantastic friends on here an unfortunately lost them through being too eager to please. Does this make me a bad person. I find it hard too keep positive about wanting too become someone's companion as I just don't know anymore. Am I a narcissistic person for wanting dreams to become a reality as its killing me feeling like a monster inside.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re not a bad person. Truly bad people don’t get these thoughts or have these worries. You are giving yourself such a hard time! I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but it sounds like you’d benefit from some counselling. You won’t be able to change until you do some work on yourself, and discover the root cause for these attachment issues and insecurities. It also sounds like you are too reliant on others for your own happiness, when it really does have to come from within.

I wish you well x

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

"You’re not a bad person. Truly bad people don’t get these thoughts or have these worries. You are giving yourself such a hard time! I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but it sounds like you’d benefit from some counselling. You won’t be able to change until you do some work on yourself, and discover the root cause for these attachment issues and insecurities. It also sounds like you are too reliant on others for your own happiness, when it really does have to come from within.

I wish you well x"

Thank you.... Is so thoughtful an kind of you. I aprove of your advice an think so the same but having someone too trust is alot harder as I don't feel safe using the system anymore.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I have to agree with Dieu, I don't think bad people question whether they're bad or not and if they do they certainly don't think in depth, they justify it.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Serious question and I'm sorry if it feels too personal or like I'm prying. Did you feel unloved by one or both of your parents growing up?

I tend to have the same issues (throw myself too deeply in) and I think it's definitely linked

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

"I have to agree with Dieu, I don't think bad people question whether they're bad or not and if they do they certainly don't think in depth, they justify it.

The last part is, I find, particularly true.

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

I wouldn't even know where too start. It's like I'm surviving but not living if that makes sense. Floating day by day an my life is just getting swallowed up full of misery instead of enjoyment

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I wouldn't even know where too start. It's like I'm surviving but not living if that makes sense. Floating day by day an my life is just getting swallowed up full of misery instead of enjoyment"

Existing rather than living. I know it well.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

The first thing is that you recognise you have issues and you kind of know what they are.

I would suggest you seek professional help, it can work wonders xxx

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

Yeah my mom was a single parent. As kids we used to go to sleep in bed an wake up on a beach. For us it seemed perfect. My parents split when I was a nipper after that I didn't know my dad till I was a teenager an that was only through pot luck. literally.

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By *yder RavishMan
over a year ago

Ware Hertfordshire

"The first thing is that you recognise you have issues and you kind of know what they are.

I would suggest you seek professional help, it can work wonders xxx"

Spot on Mimi, call your doctor and fess up.

The hardest part is admitting it to yourself and others, it will get easier but ask for help x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly, huge virtual hug.

Youre absolutely not a bad person.

How do you feel about visiting your GP for a chat about your feelings ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You really aren't a bad person and I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. Do you have friends you can talk to? Feelings and emotions need to be spoke about.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

These are not the thoughts of a 'bad person'.

They are the thoughts of someone struggling with their emotional life and possibly even depression.

Seek help, ask for counselling/therapy before taking the drugs

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

Thank you all so so much for your kind words and support. I was diagnosed with autism as a child an had endless appointments with doctors. Medication too which helped in a way but I feel its had a huge affect on how I trust or even speak to a doctor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all so so much for your kind words and support. I was diagnosed with autism as a child an had endless appointments with doctors. Medication too which helped in a way but I feel its had a huge affect on how I trust or even speak to a doctor.

Please try and talk honestly to a doctor, they can get you help.

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

I'm not sure how a doctor is gonna make me feel apart from a quivering mess. Especially if I open up an let them break me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP first I off what you describe doesn't make you a bad person at all. As someone who struggles with my own mental health I would also suggest to seek out professional help and be as open and honest with them as possible as its the only way they can get a true picture of what is going on. By what you say it sounds like something such as Eupd could be going on but I am no doctor so I don't k ow for sure. If you want to chat please feel free to message me and I will help if I can even if it's just someone to listen. Just try and remember you are not a bad person and you are not alone.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If your motives are positive l, then you are decent.

If you have relationship building areas to develop, that has nothing to do with being decent. Pursue this directly

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

"Hi OP first I off what you describe doesn't make you a bad person at all. As someone who struggles with my own mental health I would also suggest to seek out professional help and be as open and honest with them as possible as its the only way they can get a true picture of what is going on. By what you say it sounds like something such as Eupd could be going on but I am no doctor so I don't k ow for sure. If you want to chat please feel free to message me and I will help if I can even if it's just someone to listen. Just try and remember you are not a bad person and you are not alone. "

I'm crying reading this. Thank you soo much for being so kind an honest too open up an allow me too message you. You my friend don't ever let that helping flame burn low as there really ought to be more kind men like you. Hugs sent too you. An thank you again. Vice versa if ever you need cheering up il try my best too put a smile upon your face. I am literally overwhelmed with emotions right now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I can say is have been in similar positions and I have an idea how lonely it can be so if I can help I will. But professional help would be the way forward.

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

I can't believe all the kind words of support I am receiving. Too each an everyone of you all. Thank you. Its lovely to hear some positivity amongst the site. Kisses an hugs too you all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't even know where too start. It's like I'm surviving but not living if that makes sense. Floating day by day an my life is just getting swallowed up full of misery instead of enjoyment

Existing rather than living. I know it well."

Lots of us doing that..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am starting to struggle to believe I'm a nice person anymore. Don't get me wrong I have a heart of gold an enjoy nothing more than helping others no matter what it may be. I just feel like any bit of happiness I'm shown it throws me inside a bubble of happiness. It's keeping the bubble together that's the problem. I either get attached too the person or show too much passion. Which in my eyes would make me happy but what's wrong in being a nice guy. I feel no good as a man so trying too make myself feel more attractive an find my inner self is fun but I'm only trying to feel attractive about myself. I've never felt so lost or lonely an having no one too help me blossom is agonising. I've made some fantastic friends on here an unfortunately lost them through being too eager to please. Does this make me a bad person. I find it hard too keep positive about wanting too become someone's companion as I just don't know anymore. Am I a narcissistic person for wanting dreams to become a reality as its killing me feeling like a monster inside. "

No of course not. your just who you are which is fine.

I was thinking this about myself just today! I'm still single because I think I fall short of being good enough for someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As above, considering your actions and your effect on others and trying to make that effect positive for them is what makes a person good in my eyes.

That said, if you place your happiness in the behaviour of others you are going to be sad and lonely. You cannot make everyone happy all the time, some people you'll never make happy, some people will simply take advantage of you and even the best people will get upset or hurt by you on occasion.

Happiness isn't a place, a destination, a set of behaviors or a reaction from someone else. Happiness is a state of mind and whether or not you are a good person bears no relevance- bad people can be happy too. There's nothing wrong with trying to be a good person but believing your happiness depends on others seeing you as such is a no win situation. It seems likely that we all need to see ourselves as good people to some extent to be content (hence the comments above that bad people justify their behaviour) so work on setting yourself as good, not on pleasing others - and yes, I am aware of how hypocritical this makes me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure how a doctor is gonna make me feel apart from a quivering mess. Especially if I open up an let them break me. "

They won't break you,they are there to put you back together again.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I'm not sure how a doctor is gonna make me feel apart from a quivering mess. Especially if I open up an let them break me. "

If that's how you feel about your doctor then you need another one. It can be hard to find the right one

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By *evilmademedoitMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Huge virtual hugs to you.

I can’t offer words of wisdom, but I’m a good listener so if you want to message me, feel free. Xx

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

"As above, considering your actions and your effect on others and trying to make that effect positive for them is what makes a person good in my eyes.

Mr"

Thank you so much.

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By *hinebright OP Man
over a year ago

Dudley

"I'm not sure how a doctor is gonna make me feel apart from a quivering mess. Especially if I open up an let them break me.

If that's how you feel about your doctor then you need another one. It can be hard to find the right one

I haven't got a doctor at all. Not registered anywhere neither have I been since I was young.

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