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By *witchRich OP Man
over a year ago

Southport

I've just started dating a 22yr old (I'm 42) and she has major confidence issues.

I think it makes matters worse that I never have so I don't know how to respond .

Any help/advice would be great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In what ways does she have issues? Is it regarding how she looks or is it being nervous in social situations or something else?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

What have the specialist websites like "mind" advised?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not your job to play counsellor

You are in a relationship though, so it is in your remit to love, re-assure and offer work arounds

My OH is 25 years my junior and when we first met, he suffered with severe food phobias, social anxieties and confidence issues

He is stupidly intelligent yet his impostor syndrome was so strong

Avoidant Personality Disorder is also a recognised condition

Anyway, move on and he now has a terrific job, has a great set of friends and has some published naked photo shoots, so the confidence has certainly taken hold

The main drivers for him were to be given the space to work through the issues, the openness to talk through them, the re-assurance he wasn't a crank and there were millions like him out there

It was tough at times and it took its toll on me, but it has been so worth it and I now see a much changed person

There are still odd demons that show from time to time, but they are merely flickers

You do, however, need to want to commit and work with her though - it will take its toll on you in the short to medium term and you need to be prepared for that

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Keep speaking to her when she wants to open up and keep your relationship very clear and open communication.

But essentially if she's in her head and doesn't want to come out of it all you can do is support her and ride the wave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not your job to play counsellor

You are in a relationship though, so it is in your remit to love, re-assure and offer work arounds

My OH is 25 years my junior and when we first met, he suffered with severe food phobias, social anxieties and confidence issues

He is stupidly intelligent yet his impostor syndrome was so strong

Avoidant Personality Disorder is also a recognised condition

Anyway, move on and he now has a terrific job, has a great set of friends and has some published naked photo shoots, so the confidence has certainly taken hold

The main drivers for him were to be given the space to work through the issues, the openness to talk through them, the re-assurance he wasn't a crank and there were millions like him out there

It was tough at times and it took its toll on me, but it has been so worth it and I now see a much changed person

There are still odd demons that show from time to time, but they are merely flickers

You do, however, need to want to commit and work with her though - it will take its toll on you in the short to medium term and you need to be prepared for that"

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

"I've just started dating a 22yr old (I'm 42) and she has major confidence issues.

I think it makes matters worse that I never have so I don't know how to respond .

Any help/advice would be great "

It will take time and some days may be tougher than others so be patient and give plenty of reassurance. Sorry that's all I can offer as advise.

Hope it goes well though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not your job to play counsellor

You are in a relationship though, so it is in your remit to love, re-assure and offer work arounds

My OH is 25 years my junior and when we first met, he suffered with severe food phobias, social anxieties and confidence issues

He is stupidly intelligent yet his impostor syndrome was so strong

Avoidant Personality Disorder is also a recognised condition

Anyway, move on and he now has a terrific job, has a great set of friends and has some published naked photo shoots, so the confidence has certainly taken hold

The main drivers for him were to be given the space to work through the issues, the openness to talk through them, the re-assurance he wasn't a crank and there were millions like him out there

It was tough at times and it took its toll on me, but it has been so worth it and I now see a much changed person

There are still odd demons that show from time to time, but they are merely flickers

You do, however, need to want to commit and work with her though - it will take its toll on you in the short to medium term and you need to be prepared for that"

Did he want to talk about it in the early days? Or did the talking come later?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not your job to play counsellor

You are in a relationship though, so it is in your remit to love, re-assure and offer work arounds

My OH is 25 years my junior and when we first met, he suffered with severe food phobias, social anxieties and confidence issues

He is stupidly intelligent yet his impostor syndrome was so strong

Avoidant Personality Disorder is also a recognised condition

Anyway, move on and he now has a terrific job, has a great set of friends and has some published naked photo shoots, so the confidence has certainly taken hold

The main drivers for him were to be given the space to work through the issues, the openness to talk through them, the re-assurance he wasn't a crank and there were millions like him out there

It was tough at times and it took its toll on me, but it has been so worth it and I now see a much changed person

There are still odd demons that show from time to time, but they are merely flickers

You do, however, need to want to commit and work with her though - it will take its toll on you in the short to medium term and you need to be prepared for that

Did he want to talk about it in the early days? Or did the talking come later?"

From the outset

But tbh, he didn't need to say anything

The awkwardness and anxiety were obvious

A change of environment, a change of perspective, a change of outlook were the main drivers, but the opportunity to 'breathe' and take stock of himself, without judgement, were so very important

Reply privately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not your job to play counsellor

You are in a relationship though, so it is in your remit to love, re-assure and offer work arounds

My OH is 25 years my junior and when we first met, he suffered with severe food phobias, social anxieties and confidence issues

He is stupidly intelligent yet his impostor syndrome was so strong

Avoidant Personality Disorder is also a recognised condition

Anyway, move on and he now has a terrific job, has a great set of friends and has some published naked photo shoots, so the confidence has certainly taken hold

The main drivers for him were to be given the space to work through the issues, the openness to talk through them, the re-assurance he wasn't a crank and there were millions like him out there

It was tough at times and it took its toll on me, but it has been so worth it and I now see a much changed person

There are still odd demons that show from time to time, but they are merely flickers

You do, however, need to want to commit and work with her though - it will take its toll on you in the short to medium term and you need to be prepared for that

Did he want to talk about it in the early days? Or did the talking come later?

From the outset

But tbh, he didn't need to say anything

The awkwardness and anxiety were obvious

A change of environment, a change of perspective, a change of outlook were the main drivers, but the opportunity to 'breathe' and take stock of himself, without judgement, were so very important "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

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