FabSwingers.com forum: How can you have a sexless marrage??

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Surly you must know things arnt right??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you proposing op ?

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By *ingle ex cuckMan
over a year ago

chester

Yes as a cuck you can

And in vanilla world I’m sure some couples can handle that too

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By *arkSuitedBootedMan
over a year ago

Nottingham City Centre

"Surly you must know things arnt right?? "

Have you asked your wife?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Surly you must know things arnt right??

Have you asked your wife?

"
I'm divorced my friend

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust me it happens. It very much happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surly you must know things arnt right?? "

It's a complicated business with a lot of factors. I know from experience that it takes more than sex to make a marriage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love replaces lust and you grown to adore your partner and not want to rip their clothes off anymore. Sometimes you’d rather have a cuddle.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Because one of you is a bit of a cunt.

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

"Surly you must know things arnt right?? "

I had this… and yes, I knew it wasn’t right and tried very hard to make things better… you try whatever you can when you love someone and have kids together…. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because one of you is a bit of a cunt."

There is that lol

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By *arkSuitedBootedMan
over a year ago

Nottingham City Centre

"Surly you must know things arnt right??

Have you asked your wife?

I'm divorced my friend "

Was she blonde nice tits?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Love replaces lust and you grown to adore your partner and not want to rip their clothes off anymore. Sometimes you’d rather have a cuddle. "
get that but I know ppl that sex is none existent iv been there sex plays a big part in a relationship I dont think we should become complacent

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By *aughty Couple ABCCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Do you not think sex is important to keep the whole relationship alive?

Mrs NC

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Surly you must know things arnt right??

Have you asked your wife?

I'm divorced my friend

Was she blonde nice tits?

"
haha unfortunately no

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I wouldn’t dream of judging others relationships. They are complex things and to assume no sex means not right …. Well I don’t think that’s your call.

For some it would be hideous. For some there are more important things to worry about.

V x

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By *riSiMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Mine has been sexless for about 3 years, it's just one symptom of a failing marriage. I didn't want to have an affair so we decided better for both of us to go our separate ways. Still shite at the moment going through the legals.

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By *enithWoman
over a year ago

closer than you think

Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love replaces lust and you grown to adore your partner and not want to rip their clothes off anymore. Sometimes you’d rather have a cuddle. "

I disagree… I was with my ex 8 years and right up to us splitting I still lusted after her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Mine has been sexless for about 3 years, it's just one symptom of a failing marriage. I didn't want to have an affair so we decided better for both of us to go our separate ways. Still shite at the moment going through the legals."
been there maty was one of the hardest things iv done as I have child but I look at things we dont get out alive and wouldnt want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me

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By *riSiMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Mine has been sexless for about 3 years, it's just one symptom of a failing marriage. I didn't want to have an affair so we decided better for both of us to go our separate ways. Still shite at the moment going through the legals. been there maty was one of the hardest things iv done as I have child but I look at things we dont get out alive and wouldnt want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me "

Cheers, Fortunately no kids involved, but complicated property/pensions

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Mine has been sexless for about 3 years, it's just one symptom of a failing marriage. I didn't want to have an affair so we decided better for both of us to go our separate ways. Still shite at the moment going through the legals. been there maty was one of the hardest things iv done as I have child but I look at things we dont get out alive and wouldnt want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me

Cheers, Fortunately no kids involved, but complicated property/pensions"
that must be a nightmare happiness or money gotta follow your heart maty

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I wouldn’t dream of judging others relationships. They are complex things and to assume no sex means not right …. Well I don’t think that’s your call.

For some it would be hideous. For some there are more important things to worry about.

V x "

While sex is a massive part for some people, it's not for others.

You can still have intimacy, comfort, trust, love, support among other things without having sex.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other "

I could forgive that.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Did you find a wife

OP???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did you find a wife

OP???"
not yet still looking hahaha

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By *arkSuitedBootedMan
over a year ago

Nottingham City Centre

"Did you find a wife

OP???"

Are you free?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Did you find a wife

OP???

Are you free?

No are you?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Did you find a wife

OP??? not yet still looking hahaha "

Yes you can have a sexless marriage

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By *entleman kinksterMan
over a year ago

london

"Because one of you is a bit of a cunt."

sensitive flower aren’t you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Surly you should keep things alive??

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Surly you should keep things alive?? "

Surely its about compromise

I would not know

Never been married

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By *arkSuitedBootedMan
over a year ago

Nottingham City Centre

"Did you find a wife

OP???

Are you free?

No are you?"

Depends who is asking

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Did you find a wife

OP???

Are you free?

No are you?

Depends who is asking

Ida lupino?

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By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth

If people are happy to remain in a sexless marriage then nobody has the right to judge. I was married for 29 years it was never sexless, well 9 children lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other "

Totally agree, my mate hasn’t had sex for about 10 years as his wife has severe back problems as it is weak and her discs slip very easily. He is happy with no sex, it’s a small price to pay to be sure she is ok. He misses sex but won’t get it elsewhere as he sees it as cheating, at 57 he says nobody would fancy him anyway if he did. He is a brilliant fella

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Or companionship

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

It wouldnt work for me ,sex is a bond ,you need to be on the same level in many ways

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

I can’t and won’t judge others on how they deal with their marriage.Personally tho sex is a extremely important part of our marriage it creates that intimacy and that closeness.I love the fact that after 28 years together we still want to rip each other’s clothes off ..

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By *etCloseMan
over a year ago

north

Daily is probably a fair answer

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By *wingsnroundabouts82Couple
over a year ago

Fucksville

Hate me if you like but I'd rather my parents split up and found happiness Individually than wasting their prime years putting on a brave face. Yes I can say this as a product of a broken home.

I've always told hubby I would never stay if the only reason was the kids. They are sensitive and pick up more than you know. My parents never showed affection and now looking back I can see why, they weren't in love and had coexisted for as long as they could.

I believe that how affectionate me and hubby are in the company of our children models to them what a relationship should look like, feel like and sound like. They roll their eyes when we kiss but I like to think in years to come we will have shown them how to love unconditionally.

I realise there are other ways to do this and other things and values people identify with more but for me it's this.

But in answer to your original question (sorry got carried away) yes it can be sex less and still an amazing marriage. If either of us couldn't have sex we would still love each other the same.... but would probs have a singles profile on here hahaha x

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

Since our kid was born 11 years ago my wife has just decided what she wants from sex is entirely different to what she did, which is why she very occasionally plays away with trusted friends. She only wants missionary and no oral at all. This is incredibly frustrating as I love oral both ways and I love different positions. She hardly ever lets me in - if it’s once in a month that’s good, more than once a month, a ruddy miracle! I would say we average around 6 times per year. However, other aspects of our marriage are pretty good and she’s an amazing cook and amazingly intelligent and clever.

So I have to weigh up the pros and cons. The pros still win so I stay but I do wish she would let her hair down more sexually! The sex was terrific in the early days and I keep hoping it’ll come back one day!

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

And I admit, I’m very jealous of couples with a rocking sex life! lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been married 30 years and have an awesome sex life luckily.. but I understand for some it don't work out but the love they have for each other keeps them together. So yes it works for some

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a near sexless marriage for a few years, I was really struggling with depression and anxiety (to the point I was talked out of doing someting stupid) and the meds I was on killed pretty much all my emotions so sex was out of the question, I even looked for a woman to keep him satisfied for me becsuse I felt so useless. Hes a good man, he stuck by me and here we are, things have got so much better recently.

Sex isn't everything if you're inlove and fully care for someone.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"We had a near sexless marriage for a few years, I was really struggling with depression and anxiety (to the point I was talked out of doing someting stupid) and the meds I was on killed pretty much all my emotions so sex was out of the question, I even looked for a woman to keep him satisfied for me becsuse I felt so useless. Hes a good man, he stuck by me and here we are, things have got so much better recently.

Sex isn't everything if you're inlove and fully care for someone. "

I'm married to a man who is asexual. He just doesn't enjoy sex. It doesn't stop me cudding him and loving the very bones of him.

I have always been poly so marrying him is a no brainer. I wanna grow old with him. If I find my elusive other partners (I'm currently partnerless) then I won't complain for sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found I could live with diminishing amounts of sex, what killed my marriage was lack of intimacy. Up until near the end we were still having sex about once a week which for many would seem perfectly fine. The issue was the total lack of intimacy any time other than when she decided she wanted sex. I ended up pretending to be asleep on those occasions as I simply wasn't able to switch on arousal for someone who'd spent the previous week lifting my hands off her any time they strayed anywhere intimate, pulling away from a kiss that was more than a peck and twisting away if I tried to make a cuddle into an intimate moment.

So could I love with a sexless marriage? Maybe, it would depend on the reasons. Can I live without intimacy in a relationship? Turns out the answer to that is a definite no.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Yep I love my misses to bits but we don’t have sex hence why I’m on here ( que the hatred)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Surly you must know things arnt right?? "

Aren’t right based on what?

I don’t remember in my marriage vows where it guaranteed sex on tap.

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By *razytimesinloveCouple
over a year ago

SW Scotland

It’s definitely a very large part of our marriage, if it came down to it I think I could manage without sex as our relationship is much more than that.

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By *ynda1978Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Liverpool

"Did you find a wife

OP???"

I did wonder this, OP you don't half make laugh (in a good way not a sarcastic one!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yep I love my misses to bits but we don’t have sex hence why I’m on here ( que the hatred)"

I would imagine you are typical of many on here. Sex can fail in a relationship for a lot of perfectly valid reasons, but it doesn't mean the love goes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surly you must know things arnt right?? "

I think most of the answers you'd get will be a little skewed. You have asked on a swinger site where everyone here, is looking for sex in one form or another. So either single or couple, sex plays a part or they wouldn't be here.

Yes we have known couples who have very fulfilling and loving relationships without sex. So there are many out there, but obviously would not be here.

Just because a relationship is sexless doesn't mean it is not a good relationship or there is necessarily something wrong.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

When both parties agree to it...

Sex is not an necessity of a marriage its a celebration of a marriage, which also can be celebrated in other ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surly you must know things arnt right??

It's a complicated business with a lot of factors. I know from experience that it takes more than sex to make a marriage. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What would be classed as a sexless marriage? Or relationship? I'd imagine there would be many reasons, but I'd hope that any relationship I've ever been in wasn't/isn't based around sex as main focus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because one of you is a bit of a cunt."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surly you must know things arnt right??

Aren’t right based on what?

I don’t remember in my marriage vows where it guaranteed sex on tap.

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By *mwirralMan
over a year ago

wirral

"Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other

I could forgive that."

I would think though that would still be a possibility of sone form of sex or intimacy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To have a sexless marriage you get married and don't have sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I found I could live with diminishing amounts of sex, what killed my marriage was lack of intimacy. Up until near the end we were still having sex about once a week which for many would seem perfectly fine. The issue was the total lack of intimacy any time other than when she decided she wanted sex. I ended up pretending to be asleep on those occasions as I simply wasn't able to switch on arousal for someone who'd spent the previous week lifting my hands off her any time they strayed anywhere intimate, pulling away from a kiss that was more than a peck and twisting away if I tried to make a cuddle into an intimate moment.

So could I love with a sexless marriage? Maybe, it would depend on the reasons. Can I live without intimacy in a relationship? Turns out the answer to that is a definite no.

Mr"

Have you been reading my autobiography?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very easy !! And eventually you or she may end it. Or not.

There are other life situation parts to a marriage that mean it continues officially even in an emotionally damaged state

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So could I love with a sexless marriage? Maybe, it would depend on the reasons. Can I live without intimacy in a relationship? Turns out the answer to that is a definite no.

Have you been reading my autobiography?"

Sorry to hear that mate. I tried over about 5 years to convince her to go to counseling with me but she refused even when given the ultimatum that it was that it the end of the marriage. I didn't realise till after that I could have gone alone and I may have learnt enough to change my situation. Instead I had a brief affair (which she didn't find out about until she asked after we'd split), this led to a proper breakdown and me walking away, getting my own flat, fighting depression for over a year before slowly beginning to heal.

You have my deepest sympathies.

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By *arkSuitedBootedMan
over a year ago

Nottingham City Centre

Married people don't have sex with eachother anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite often illness. I know a man who loves his wife deeply, but she has a degenerative physical illness which precludes sexual contact. Or could be choice on both sides. Loads of reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very easily, I withdrew from wanting sex for many reasons. He wanted it even if I didn’t, and for the sake of our children I kept quiet when he took what he wanted. He didn’t show me any intimacy, and I lived with no kissing and no cuddling for more years than I can remember.

Yes it was a sign of a failing marriage, but being married to a narcissist isn’t the easiest thing to get out of or remedy any problems. X

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By *inkymixedguyMan
over a year ago

southampton

"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important "

Tried this it just ended so sour.

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"……sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other "

Absolutely 100% this.

I’m glad to see it being stated.

If sex is the only thing keeping a couple together, in my opinion that’s more messed up.

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

It depends. I used to go to a greedy girls party and a couple of the women's had partners with a severe heart condition and master sex dangerous.

So the parties were their outlet.

It takes all sorts so I don't judge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am in a sexless type of marriage, but I love my wife. By "sexless type" I mean that she realises I need something and that something is "PROVIDED" for with a perfunctory wank every 6 weeks or so and even then only if she decides I must "need" one. It is fucking awful but you get to a point of accepting what you can get.

She has not kissed me with tongues in 8 or 9 years. We cuddle but there is no penetrative sex.

As many have said, cuddling does exist and holding hands and nonsexual touching. The second nonsexual touching becomes sexual it is stopped unless it's perfunctory wank time.

I don't want a divorce and I want to grow older and greyer with her. She has told me to go get sex elsewhere, but even in the swinging world, this appears to be close to impossible.

Our libidos are no longer matched. After the menopause, over time she lost all interest in sex. She had gone through a period of going through the motions, but eventually stopped that. We had a conversation, hours of tears and then what it's become.

I have sought a FWB or someone to meet up with once a month for a nice afternoon or evening, no strings. Sadly not to be found as yet.

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By *annylickerMan
over a year ago

Chester-le-Street

Totally agree, not had sex with other half for nearly 7 years.

No kids, but the love is still there.

And yes, I am on here looking for discreet fun but like most people we all have certain needs.

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By *ooliganMan
over a year ago

Preston

Shit happens, life, kids, hormones etc and all of a sudden, one half of the marriage has no interest in sex whatsoever... It's a very tough situation - and sometimes the other party does what they need to do to not feel like their sexlife has been taken away from them against their will - but they didn't just get together for sex, so a lack of sex isn't enough to separate them...

So don't be too quick to judge others...

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"Shit happens, life, kids, hormones etc and all of a sudden, one half of the marriage has no interest in sex whatsoever... It's a very tough situation - and sometimes the other party does what they need to do to not feel like their sexlife has been taken away from them against their will - but they didn't just get together for sex, so a lack of sex isn't enough to separate them...

So don't be too quick to judge others...

I don't know who you think is judging, the OP asked a question, he didn't make any judgements. The rest are all just opinions.

Personally, if one is cheating on the other, then yes, the marriage is pretty much done for. Lying to your most loved-one is about as low as it gets.

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By *uby StarCouple
over a year ago

Durham

People will obviously know things aren't right, but some people are afraid of the outcome of the subject is raised, some people are happy to just coast along and some people just don't know where to start in talking about it.

It really does need talking about though openly and honestly and sorted out. A sexless marriage must be an awful relationship to be in.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Maybe they're both asexual. Maybe there's medical reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved.

In my personal experience however it can be hurtful as I went through the slow decline of our previously healthy sex life and ended up with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you comments" from her when I tried as ask what was wrong.

I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol

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By *enonlyMan
over a year ago

Stoke On Trent

"Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other "

This is correct i have a loving relationship with my wife but fibroides make it painful for her to have sex

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Surly you must know things arnt right?? "

So yes you can have a sexless marriage and know it’s not right, next question ?

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

"I am in a sexless type of marriage, but I love my wife. By "sexless type" I mean that she realises I need something and that something is "PROVIDED" for with a perfunctory wank every 6 weeks or so and even then only if she decides I must "need" one. It is fucking awful but you get to a point of accepting what you can get.

She has not kissed me with tongues in 8 or 9 years. We cuddle but there is no penetrative sex.

As many have said, cuddling does exist and holding hands and nonsexual touching. The second nonsexual touching becomes sexual it is stopped unless it's perfunctory wank time.

I don't want a divorce and I want to grow older and greyer with her. She has told me to go get sex elsewhere, but even in the swinging world, this appears to be close to impossible.

I have sought a FWB or someone to meet up with once a month for a nice afternoon or evening, no strings. Sadly not to be found as yet."

This sounds very familiar. My wife’s libido started to dwindle after the birth of our son. Post natal depression never really went away, then the menopause. We haven’t been intimate in nearly a decade. However, we have built a home, brought up a child to be proud of, supported elderly parents as their health failed, and aided each other in achieving our own personal goals. Lack of sex isn’t something that I’m prepared to throw all that away for. We have tried talking, but the upset and distress it caused my wife simply isn’t something that I want to revisit. Sex did resume, briefly, but it was so obvious that she wasn’t enjoying it that I couldn’t continue. I live in hope that, one day, things might change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a sexless relationship for almost 8 years. It was very difficult and damaged my self confidence massively.

I loved him, I didn’t cheat in any way.

I tried counselling etc but it couldn’t be fixed, so we split.

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

I was in a very sexual unfulfilled marriage for many years. Tried numerous times to discuss but that didn’t work. Waited until my sons were grown & flown then left. Financially crippled as a result and I miss many aspects of what otherwise was a great marriage and life. Despite this I know it was the right thing to do.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I wouldn't call my marriage sexless but I do find it rather unfulfilling. I suppose our priorities have changed over the years kids, money, jobs, elderly mother in law, life in general. So sex for both of us isn't as important as it was x amount of years ago.

Ive tried talking about things, introducing new ideas but its had no effect. I've done my bit so I've grown to accept that it is what it is. Every other aspect of our marriage is great so, actually, I'm ok with mediocre sex.

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By *eckycdTV/TS
over a year ago

northwest

"I wouldn't call my marriage sexless but I do find it rather unfulfilling. I suppose our priorities have changed over the years kids, money, jobs, elderly mother in law, life in general. So sex for both of us isn't as important as it was x amount of years ago.

Lady Lick

You wouldn’t be in a sexless marriage with me huni. You look amazing great pics and profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She has not kissed me with tongues in 8 or 9 years. We cuddle but there is no penetrative sex.

As many have said, cuddling does exist and holding hands and nonsexual touching. The second nonsexual touching becomes sexual it is stopped unless it's perfunctory wank time.

I don't want a divorce and I want to grow older and greyer with her. She has told me to go get sex elsewhere, but even in the swinging world, this appears to be close to impossible.

I have sought a FWB or someone to meet up with once a month for a nice afternoon or evening, no strings. Sadly not to be found as yet.

This is really sad, I feel for you both and your wives to be fair, i've been her in the past after I had our last child, life, exhaustion, depression, zero confidence and Mum body take over and we end up feeling the furthest away from anything remotely sexual, even now I struggle a fair bit but I love the bones of my OH and went on a quest to find someone that would have some intimate fun with him occasionally but he couldn't do it and the idea of it broke me in the end. Luckily my libido has come back a little now. I've never felt guilt likr it when I couldn't give him what he needed and that made the situation worse, I was so scared he was going to leave me

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved.

I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol "

I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved.

I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol

I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more "

Familiarity breeds contempt

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By *iromancergirl1Woman
over a year ago

bolton

There are so many facet’s to a marriage and yes sex is one of them but a diamond is still a diamond even with one less facet it might not sparkle as bright as it once did and marriage can be the same but imagining life without that other person can feel like a life not worth living it would rare you sole apart but the love has to be there there can be love with no sex it works for many many people but if for instance I was unable to have sex or vice versa in a marriage I’d let and want for that person to still have sex with other people if they wanted to because life is for living.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved.

I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol

I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more

Familiarity breeds contempt "

Can you still be madly inlove with someone and want to grow old with them but the sexual attraction side of it has gone?

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By *eckycdTV/TS
over a year ago

northwest

"There are so many facet’s to a marriage and yes sex is one of them but a diamond is still a diamond even with one less facet it might not sparkle as bright as it once did and marriage can be the same but imagining life without that other person can feel like a life not worth living it would rare you sole apart but the love has to be there there can be love with no sex it works for many many people but if for instance I was unable to have sex or vice versa in a marriage I’d let and want for that person to still have sex with other people if they wanted to because life is for living."

I agree with what you say

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

I always feel sad when I hear of sexless marriages in which the wife has told her husband to look for sex elsewhere.

“We can’t have sex, so go and be an older, married man on fabswingers, with a single-male profile.”

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

Thanks for your perspective from the other side.

Relationships are always more complicated than they appear aren’t they?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe they're both asexual. Maybe there's medical reasons. "

I think there's a heck of a lot of people on the Asexual spectrum who don't realise it.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I always feel sad when I hear of sexless marriages in which the wife has told her husband to look for sex elsewhere.

“We can’t have sex, so go and be an older, married man on fabswingers, with a single-male profile.” "

Why does it make you sad if it works for them?

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By *ategoodbyeMan
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"I always feel sad when I hear of sexless marriages in which the wife has told her husband to look for sex elsewhere.

“We can’t have sex, so go and be an older, married man on fabswingers, with a single-male profile.”

Why does it make you sad if it works for them?"

Because, as numerous forum posts attest, being a single male on Fabs without youth/beauty can be a very thankless position. Not to mention that many women will assume they’re cheating. I believe that very many men in that position would struggle to find sex outside marriage, even if they want it.

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

She has not kissed me with tongues in 8 or 9 years. We cuddle but there is no penetrative sex.

As many have said, cuddling does exist and holding hands and nonsexual touching. The second nonsexual touching becomes sexual it is stopped unless it's perfunctory wank time.

I don't want a divorce and I want to grow older and greyer with her. She has told me to go get sex elsewhere, but even in the swinging world, this appears to be close to impossible.

I have sought a FWB or someone to meet up with once a month for a nice afternoon or evening, no strings. Sadly not to be found as yet."

Totally understand! You’re not alone. More similar to my situation than I’m prepared to admit!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been in sexless relationships twice, once with an ex wife, we stayed together 6yrs past the point the marriage effectively ended because daughter was only 10 so we went on whilst she both through secondary school.

Second time in kinda still in, we're best mates, go walking and travelling together, get pissed together, but there is no sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While there are many important things in a relationship for me sexual compatibility is high up there. If things aren't working out in the bedroom, it would make me question how they are everywhere else

All that said I know many people who are happily married and sex for at least one of them isn't what they want it to be.

There's so much to be said for friendship, companionship, and not facing life alone. And if I'm really honest maybe I would settle for all those things too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course you can have a sexless marriage.

You can have a marriage where there’s no respect, trust or love or where you are just friends…

But are people happy? Doubtful.

Personally a marriage without sex would not work for me. Sex brings closeness and that amazing feeling of togetherness and love. Without it I’d feel lonely and undesired. Marriage should be the whole deal.

Trust me I have the t-shirt on this one

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved.

I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol

I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more "

Many long term relationships have slid into the "friendzone" never to be sexually reignited

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

A mate of mine has a sexless marriage, well sort of. We had a drinking session when he blurted out that he hadn't had sex with the wife in 7 years, she had a lot of health issues. Every time he had sex with her, he would tear the lining of her vagina, so he stopped trying to initiate anything as his wife was worried that he would want more. They kissed and snogged each other, just no sex.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"Surly you must know things arnt right?? "

I did, and now I'm divorced. Luke

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved.

I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol

I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more

Many long term relationships have slid into the "friendzone" never to be sexually reignited"

Very true. Very sad. Life is short.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There could be no sex in the marriage due to medical reasons. Sex does not make or break the marriage if both understand it's just a physical urge. A bit like food. Nobody is jumping to divorce solution if they can't cook. They just order a takeaway or go to eat to a pub. No difference with sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There could be no sex in the marriage due to medical reasons. Sex does not make or break the marriage if both understand it's just a physical urge. A bit like food. Nobody is jumping to divorce solution if they can't cook. They just order a takeaway or go to eat to a pub. No difference with sex."

I’m sure having sex in the pub is frowned upon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many reasons.

I have been happily married for a very long time. I dearly love my wife. We are together for life.

I have always had a higher sex drive. Hers diminished with age, menopause, illnesses. We still have occasional enjoyable vanilla sex...full last week and 6 months ago, mutual wank 3 months ago.

3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can still love a person with all your heart but not have a physically sexual connection. It depends what is deemed an acceptable way of dealing with it.....swinging being one of many alternative options

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By *Booboo-Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers."

Does your wife know? If not, then why don't you tell her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers.

Does your wife know? If not, then why don't you tell her? "

She would be very upset and furious. It would end our marriage.

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By *uby StarCouple
over a year ago

Durham

3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers.

Does your wife know? If not, then why don't you tell her?

She would be very upset and furious. It would end our marriage."

It may not. She may be open to the idea.

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

Been in sexless relationship for 6 yrs was ok when there was still cuddling involved but last 2 yrs not even that . Yes it's bloody hurtful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't not have sex with a woman I love

It's hard enough being with someone you don't love and not having sex

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Many reasons.

I have been happily married for a very long time. I dearly love my wife. We are together for life.

I have always had a higher sex drive. Hers diminished with age, menopause, illnesses. We still have occasional enjoyable vanilla sex...full last week and 6 months ago, mutual wank 3 months ago.

3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers."

Calling people vanilla for having morals is a half arsed attempt at making us seem somehow "the problem"

No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up.

You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice.

People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does.

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By *irtyold manMan
over a year ago

barnsley

Everything changes

The person you marry wont be the same person ten years later.

You never know how things will change so yes you can have a sexless maridge

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

We all change.....

Perhaps it's just that!

Oh, and lockdown crapped on a lot of things. It sure tested the solid relationships!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was in a sexless relationship for almost 8 years. It was very difficult and damaged my self confidence massively.

I loved him, I didn’t cheat in any way.

I tried counselling etc but it couldn’t be fixed, so we split. "

I feel this deeply! Lack of sex in my 5 year relationship led to my weight ballooning and my self confidence was decimated! Was 9 stone when we met and 17 when we split. The end of the relationship a year ago led to me reclaiming my confidence and losing 8 stone

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By *ndiscloseddesiresWoman
over a year ago

Wokingham

"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important "

Absolutely this - my husband is my best mate but we fell out of love. We have kids - neither of us wanted to be with the kids only 50% of the time so we love together. However we are both on here and we let each other know if we have plans. It is an unconventional way to work, but it works for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important

I actually think this is lovely and a very mature way of doing things! A situation that provides you both with some happiness and doesn’t affect the kids.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important

I actually think this is lovely and a very mature way of doing things! A situation that provides you both with some happiness and doesn’t affect the kids.

Yep. Can totally be done if you're willing to communicate efficiently, honestly and with the same end goal.

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up.

You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice.

People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does."

I don’t know anything about that poster’s situation, but in mine I think that, given the reaction I received the last time I tried to raise the subject of lack of intimacy - tears, deepening depression, serious concern for her wellbeing - I am simply not prepared to raise it again.

Yes, in my situation, getting caught may well end my relationship, and you’re absolutely right that it could have devastating consequences. But so did trying to talk about it before, and almost certainly so will splitting up without having sought solace elsewhere.

And what about my mental health? I love my wife dearly, but a life without any intimacy is no life at all. I simply don’t know what to do for the best.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up.

You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice.

People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does.

And what about my mental health? I love my wife dearly, but a life without any intimacy is no life at all. I simply don’t know what to do for the best. "

If your wife was your daughter, and was in the exact scenario you find yourself in, how would you want her husband to behave? Would you encourage deception and cheating? Your wife is still someone's daughter.

I don't have the answers, all I have is my own experience and from that I can tell you I almost ended my own life. Learning that the person you have everything invested into has been lying to you does one of 2 things, makes you angry and determined to build a new life for yourself or destroys you from the inside out.

Depression is a killer. Literally.

I don't envy your situation, however I would ask about counselling for you both, as a couple, for you to help support her. You would then be given the chance to open up and she may hear things from your perspective but with a professional on board.

Again, I can't say this is the answer but is certainly an option.

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

Again, I can't say this is the answer but is certainly an option."

Wise words. I appreciate the time you have taken to post.

I am genuinely at my wits end with my domestic situation, which is complicated by more than just our sex life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up.

You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice.

People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does.

And what about my mental health? I love my wife dearly, but a life without any intimacy is no life at all. I simply don’t know what to do for the best.

Depression is a killer. Literally.

Again, I can't say this is the answer but is certainly an option."

Cheating is never the answer, it destroys a life far more than ending a relationship ever will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up.

You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice.

People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does.

And what about my mental health? I love my wife dearly, but a life without any intimacy is no life at all. I simply don’t know what to do for the best.

Depression is a killer. Literally.

Again, I can't say this is the answer but is certainly an option.

Cheating is never the answer, it destroys a life far more than ending a relationship ever will.

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I always feel sad when I hear of sexless marriages in which the wife has told her husband to look for sex elsewhere.

“We can’t have sex, so go and be an older, married man on fabswingers, with a single-male profile.”

Why does it make you sad if it works for them?

Spot on with the cheating assumption in most cases; try adding a beard into the equation for additional repulsion.

It just takes a lot more effort to find compatible people; blokes like me just have to be willing to put in the time to get the results.

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By *1bttmMan
over a year ago

Shoreditch east London

"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important

Unconventional.....I wouldn't say that. No 2 relationships on here or ones u have with other people are the same. U've both found what works for u to allow u both to be individuals and still ave some kind of relationship. Whatever other people say/do about yr way of working it out is irrelevant as sometimes those from the outside looking in ave no idea really of yr circumstances or how u actually feel.

I've several friends that are struggling and so unhappy in their relationships Im very happy for you.

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

Of course you know that things aren't right which is why many of us go through the separate bedroom scenarios before going on to separate houses, but not everyone is in that position for very many reasons. This is why I never judge people because, they could be in the same position as I was all those years ago, and I'm acutely aware of the fact that you do a lot of soul searching before coming to the conclusion that you are flogging a dead horse, and consign it to the knackers yard. Figure of speach by way, before the judgemental brigade once again bombard me for my analogies, and turn of phrase.

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