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Family problem at Christmas

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot

Morning everyone please don't shoot me down for putting a bummer on the yule time i know we are all struggling but I'm watching my mum in tears because she can't send her youngest granddaughter a card and presents on which will probably be her last Christmas because my ex has told her not to give out her address

Does anyone know of a private detective or any tips

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

Do you get to see your daughter?

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot

No they live a long way away

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By *izzmasterzeroMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Are you trying to say that nobody knows where your ex has moved to?

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot


"Are you trying to say that nobody knows where your ex has moved to?"

My ex has told everyone she knows not to give out her address

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I'm pretty sure unless you've been deemed dangerous then you have the right to know where they are and how to contact them.

If they're over 18 though and you've had no reason to not be allowed to legally contact them, as adults it's up to them to tell you their new address.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

What age is the child?. Can they not message each other on facebook.

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma


"Are you trying to say that nobody knows where your ex has moved to?

My ex has told everyone she knows not to give out her address "

Everyone has the address but you? If that is the case why not give the card and present to a friend of hers to forward on for you mother?

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By *iss.ddWoman
over a year ago

Leeds + Newcastle

If it's her last Christmas, say you have the address, "post" it for her and let her enjoy the festive glow from a small kind white lie.

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot


"I'm pretty sure unless you've been deemed dangerous then you have the right to know where they are and how to contact them.

If they're over 18 though and you've had no reason to not be allowed to legally contact them, as adults it's up to them to tell you their new address."

Thanks

Yes she is over 18 so I know it is her choice I just wanted to cheer up my mum I guess daughters will always side with their mums

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot

Thanks for your help a little white lie might be the answer as they live hundreds of miles away highly unlikely I can get the gifts to her

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

She is over 18 not a baby.

She can contact you if she wants.

I wish you and your family the best of Christmases but don't think anyone should help you to seek out your ex who clearly wants to be left alone.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Heartbreaking! I didnt see one of my granddaughters for 9 years from age 11 to 20 ! She had turned into a young lady when I finally got to see her! I know it's not much help but I got a box and put her exmas and birthday cards pressies in it each year just little pressies and finally gave her them! And as I hadn't been able to give her money etc over those years I paid for her to have driving lessons to make up booked a block lot of lessons! She is 25 now x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You don't have the address either I guess.

As your daughter is over 18 you and your mum will have to respect her wishes regardless of whether they're ill informed of not.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I didn't speak to my Dad for several years. If he'd have tracked me down using a private detective, this would have been a massive breach of my privacy. And I would never have spoken to him again ever. And I would have felt that using your mother's age as manipulation at that age.

I would take the present from your mother, maybe ask her to write your daughter a letter for when she decides to contact you.

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot


"You don't have the address either I guess.

As your daughter is over 18 you and your mum will have to respect her wishes regardless of whether they're ill informed of not.

"

Very true which is why I won't pursue it any further thanks for help

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'm pretty sure unless you've been deemed dangerous then you have the right to know where they are and how to contact them.

If they're over 18 though and you've had no reason to not be allowed to legally contact them, as adults it's up to them to tell you their new address.

Thanks

Yes she is over 18 so I know it is her choice I just wanted to cheer up my mum I guess daughters will always side with their mums "

Not wanting to detract from your problem, but daughters don't always side with their mums at all. I have a relationship with my dad but not my mum, even though it was him that left the "family" home. I was 17 then though so could see the toxicity and had endured a strained relationship with my mum for years by that point myself.

I feel for you, I really do. All you can do is allow time and open arms if she decides she wants a relationship with you.

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot


"I'm pretty sure unless you've been deemed dangerous then you have the right to know where they are and how to contact them.

If they're over 18 though and you've had no reason to not be allowed to legally contact them, as adults it's up to them to tell you their new address.

Thanks

Yes she is over 18 so I know it is her choice I just wanted to cheer up my mum I guess daughters will always side with their mums

Not wanting to detract from your problem, but daughters don't always side with their mums at all. I have a relationship with my dad but not my mum, even though it was him that left the "family" home. I was 17 then though so could see the toxicity and had endured a strained relationship with my mum for years by that point myself.

I feel for you, I really do. All you can do is allow time and open arms if she decides she wants a relationship with you."

I have a good relationship with her I dont see her often and I dont really need her address it was just my mum asked her and she said she can't give her address

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By *ooking4othersMan
over a year ago

Here ...

Maybe she can set up PO box, or give a friends, or other relatives, address if you can contact her?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'm pretty sure unless you've been deemed dangerous then you have the right to know where they are and how to contact them.

If they're over 18 though and you've had no reason to not be allowed to legally contact them, as adults it's up to them to tell you their new address.

Thanks

Yes she is over 18 so I know it is her choice I just wanted to cheer up my mum I guess daughters will always side with their mums

Not wanting to detract from your problem, but daughters don't always side with their mums at all. I have a relationship with my dad but not my mum, even though it was him that left the "family" home. I was 17 then though so could see the toxicity and had endured a strained relationship with my mum for years by that point myself.

I feel for you, I really do. All you can do is allow time and open arms if she decides she wants a relationship with you.

I have a good relationship with her I dont see her often and I dont really need her address it was just my mum asked her and she said she can't give her address "

Oh jeez, it sounded from your original post that things were totally detached with you considering hiring a private detective.

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot

Just clutching at straws though wasn't really serious about a private dick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can she not have it delivered to a pickup point near your daughter? There's so many options... Amazon lockers, InPost lockers, Hermes Parcelshops to name a few. I'm pretty sure you can also have things delivered for pickup to Post Offices.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think if the adult daughter/ granddaughter has said she doesn't want to give her address and therefore has no wish to receive a card or present her wishes should be respected.

Op aren't you exchanging gifts with your daughter?

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot


"Can she not have it delivered to a pickup point near your daughter? There's so many options... Amazon lockers, InPost lockers, Hermes Parcelshops to name a few. I'm pretty sure you can also have things delivered for pickup to Post Offices. "

Great idea thank you but she won't even tell my mum the area where she lives

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot


"I think if the adult daughter/ granddaughter has said she doesn't want to give her address and therefore has no wish to receive a card or present her wishes should be respected.

Op aren't you exchanging gifts with your daughter? "

She would love a gift from us all but we have no way of getting it to her I won't be seeing her at Christmas as its to far for her to travel

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I think if the adult daughter/ granddaughter has said she doesn't want to give her address and therefore has no wish to receive a card or present her wishes should be respected.

Op aren't you exchanging gifts with your daughter?

She would love a gift from us all but we have no way of getting it to her I won't be seeing her at Christmas as its to far for her to travel "

Well I'm sorry for the situation you all find yourselves in.

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By *ick1f OP   Man
over a year ago

Chichester/Aldershot


"I think if the adult daughter/ granddaughter has said she doesn't want to give her address and therefore has no wish to receive a card or present her wishes should be respected.

Op aren't you exchanging gifts with your daughter?

She would love a gift from us all but we have no way of getting it to her I won't be seeing her at Christmas as its to far for her to travel

Well I'm sorry for the situation you all find yourselves in. "

Oh well as they say it happens

I wish you all a merry Christmas

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