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New Maths GCSEs

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By *arambar OP   Man
over a year ago

swindon

MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES

Name ______________________________

Nickname ____________________________

Gang Name __________________________

Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day habit?

Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need?

Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ?

Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of 35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets whacked?

MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS

Name ____________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

(If longer please continue on a separate sheet)

School ____________________________________

Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________

Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now?

Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number of debutants, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds?

If Annabelle throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?

Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he stand for parliament?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Henry will be fine at the very next election ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a Maths teacher runs off with his 15 year old student, and travels 800 miles at an average speed of 40mph, and the police pursue them two hours later at an average speed of 60mph; how long will it take for the police to catch them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe a lot of people on here need help with their maths.

Learn your mm, inches and if black/American Indian, feet.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"If a Maths teacher runs off with his 15 year old student, and travels 800 miles at an average speed of 40mph, and the police pursue them two hours later at an average speed of 60mph; how long will it take for the police to catch them?"

Three hours

Which is 6 hours after the pedo set off.

They both reach a distance of 240 miles at this point

The pedo having travelled 6 x 40 and the police having travelled 4 x 60

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY


"If a Maths teacher runs off with his 15 year old student, and travels 800 miles at an average speed of 40mph, and the police pursue them two hours later at an average speed of 60mph; how long will it take for the police to catch them?"

or how many times can 30 go into 15

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

fuck it ....

Four hours....same math

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"If a Maths teacher runs off with his 15 year old student, and travels 800 miles at an average speed of 40mph, and the police pursue them two hours later at an average speed of 60mph; how long will it take for the police to catch them?

or how many times can 30 go into 15 "

0.5 but at least he's only half a prick

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