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Gaslighting

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have only recently been made aware of this trait after helping someone in a time of crisis. Having read a little on the subject it seems to be more common than I thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most phenomenon are more common on fab

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Most phenomenon are more common on fab "

Never heard of any of them until fab! Lampposts , gas lights, breadcrumbs etc etc. I get mixed up between them all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't got a clue what it Is? I thought it was when you lit your gas fire ))

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear love bombs are all the rage

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Most phenomenon are more common on fab "

This particular experience was outside the Fab world. The disclosures to me did make me research the subject and to be honest I would never of dreamed that the person who was the coercive party was capable of such things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most phenomenon are more common on fab

This particular experience was outside the Fab world. The disclosures to me did make me research the subject and to be honest I would never of dreamed that the person who was the coercive party was capable of such things."

Just remember, when it comes to relationships and someone confiding in you about theirs, you're never getting a clear picture

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Most phenomenon are more common on fab

This particular experience was outside the Fab world. The disclosures to me did make me research the subject and to be honest I would never of dreamed that the person who was the coercive party was capable of such things.

Just remember, when it comes to relationships and someone confiding in you about theirs, you're never getting a clear picture "

I get that but I could not relate the disclosures to the person I have known for 30 years. Just a very odd and uncomfortable position to be in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have only recently been made aware of this trait after helping someone in a time of crisis. Having read a little on the subject it seems to be more common than I thought."

I started a thread on gaslighting a little while ago and a lot of people shared their stories. It was quite overwhelming to read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a new word to me. But yes, I see it, that’s social media I guess.

I don’t see it too much in my real world though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have only recently been made aware of this trait after helping someone in a time of crisis. Having read a little on the subject it seems to be more common than I thought.

I started a thread on gaslighting a little while ago and a lot of people shared their stories. It was quite overwhelming to read. "

I will search that out and read the comments.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't got a clue what it Is? I thought it was when you lit your gas fire ))"

And I thought it was Fanny by gaslight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s a new word to me. But yes, I see it, that’s social media I guess.

I don’t see it too much in my real world though. "

The word has been around since the 50s and gaslighting has nothing to do with social media. It's not just intimate relationships - it can happen at work and politicians gaslight all the time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It’s a new word to me. But yes, I see it, that’s social media I guess.

I don’t see it too much in my real world though.

The word has been around since the 50s and gaslighting has nothing to do with social media. It's not just intimate relationships - it can happen at work and politicians gaslight all the time. "

Yes it’s a collective term used to describe control, coercion and claim.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s a new word to me. But yes, I see it, that’s social media I guess.

I don’t see it too much in my real world though.

The word has been around since the 50s and gaslighting has nothing to do with social media. It's not just intimate relationships - it can happen at work and politicians gaslight all the time. "

I’m not big on words.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"Most phenomenon are more common on fab

This particular experience was outside the Fab world. The disclosures to me did make me research the subject and to be honest I would never of dreamed that the person who was the coercive party was capable of such things.

Just remember, when it comes to relationships and someone confiding in you about theirs, you're never getting a clear picture "

I had one of these close to home.

Sister in law told us her husband had been abusive and coercive, borderline violent, and she was leaving him and divorcing him. So of course the family all rallied around her and supported her.

12 months later she decides to go back to him, says some of the things she told us were a bit of an exaggeration, and denies even saying some of the other things she had told us.

Uh-oh! Of course everyone had believed her ... imagine the opposite ... woman says her husband has been a total shit to her and we decide to not believe her until we speak to everyone involved and get the full story ... I would have been ostracised if I had taken that approach!

One of the things she accused him of was gaslighting. But I now realise that she ended up gaslighting us.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"It’s a new word to me. But yes, I see it, that’s social media I guess.

I don’t see it too much in my real world though.

The word has been around since the 50s and gaslighting has nothing to do with social media. It's not just intimate relationships - it can happen at work and politicians gaslight all the time. "

Yes the term has been around a long time (1940’s). But it is used much more commonly in recent years.

You are right, it is not specific to social media, and it did not first appear on social media. But it is probably more prevalent now, due to social media. And the behaviour in question now has a name that a lot more people recognise

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

This thread has nothing to do with lighting farts when you’re d*unk!!! May be a need fir a separate thread!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about? "

Perhaps this thread just isn't for you

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By *ylvie 888Woman
over a year ago

Cleethorpes


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about? "

Its true. I understand people having a joke... this site for some is a light hearted escape. But gaslighting as you and I understand and do/have experience is not a pleasant world to be in. Its a lose-lose situation. I keep a diary. Its hard work and tyring trying to stay one step ahead all the time. I wish you well xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s a new word to me. But yes, I see it, that’s social media I guess.

I don’t see it too much in my real world though.

The word has been around since the 50s and gaslighting has nothing to do with social media. It's not just intimate relationships - it can happen at work and politicians gaslight all the time.

I’m not big on words. "

So I just had it heavily explained to me. So gaslighting is when someone is being a bit of a c*nt. got it.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Back in the old days it was just called manipulation but all the kids new need fancy names for their trauma now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Perhaps this thread just isn't for you "

Where did I say it was?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It’s a new word to me. But yes, I see it, that’s social media I guess.

I don’t see it too much in my real world though.

The word has been around since the 50s and gaslighting has nothing to do with social media. It's not just intimate relationships - it can happen at work and politicians gaslight all the time.

I’m not big on words.

So I just had it heavily explained to me. So gaslighting is when someone is being a bit of a c*nt. got it. "

I see those creative writing courses you have been attending are showing signs of working?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Its true. I understand people having a joke... this site for some is a light hearted escape. But gaslighting as you and I understand and do/have experience is not a pleasant world to be in. Its a lose-lose situation. I keep a diary. Its hard work and tyring trying to stay one step ahead all the time. I wish you well xx"

Thank you. I wish you well too - a diary is a great idea.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Back in the old days it was just called manipulation but all the kids new need fancy names for their trauma now "

Seems to me from what I’ve read it’s manipulation yeah.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about? "

You wouldn't have a joke about someone being physical abused, but it's ok if it mental abuse apparently.

And you are right it has been about a long time, I just thought of it as manipulate and emotional abuse. And to be honest I've seen that kind abuse around me for as long as I can remember.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Back in the old days it was just called manipulation but all the kids new need fancy names for their trauma now "

Hope that made you feel good, Thicc.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"Back in the old days it was just called manipulation but all the kids new need fancy names for their trauma now "

These days? The term has been around since the 1940’s!

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Stayed in a caravan in the 1970’s, that had gaslighting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Perhaps this thread just isn't for you "

You only realise the damage this can do to mental health when you are the victim of these mind games.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about? "

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better."

No you don’t have to do that. You post what you like. It’s a free for all. There will always be people who don’t like a thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Back in the old days it was just called manipulation but all the kids new need fancy names for their trauma now

These days? The term has been around since the 1940’s! "

I think you will find it’s been around forever. The term was bound into a film title of the 30s or 40s

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better."

I don't think that was aimed at you.

That's the thing the abuse is insidious. The person being abused often doesn't notice it until they are near breaking point. It's not like being hit and you know it's abuse so you can get out. It makes you question yourself and how you believe things have happened. So it's not as easy to spot initially.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"Most phenomenon are more common on fab

This particular experience was outside the Fab world. The disclosures to me did make me research the subject and to be honest I would never of dreamed that the person who was the coercive party was capable of such things."

And they tend to appear as the nicest people ever…. Until you see what’s behind the facade

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better."

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better."

It's a perfectly reasonable thread to post. My LTR ended a few years ago and the gaslighting got much worse afterwards - it was only then I had a name for what had been happening. If you have specific questions - I'm sure people would be happy to help answer them.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

To be serious for a second - not like me here at all! I see a much higher prevalence if mental health issues everywhere now. If it’s depression, anxiety, stress, people suffering from coercive control as this thread mentions. What I would like to know - and I doubt very much if there is just one answer - is what is causing it to be so much more prevalent - it’s not simply down to awareness of an issue - there are other factors at play - is it down to higher personal expectations, diet, social media, and I’m not putting forward any of those as potential causes just for instances because thankfully I’ve been so lucky to not have suffered with mental health or wellbeing. I have the greatest regard for anyone struggling as it’s often done in isolation because there is still an attitude of ‘cheer up it might never happen!’ And stigma around mental health. Often it’s deeply personal and painful to share or finding someone you’re comfortable sharing with.

I hope those struggling find the coping mechanisms and support they need - just don’t suffer alone - reach out.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"Back in the old days it was just called manipulation but all the kids new need fancy names for their trauma now

These days? The term has been around since the 1940’s!

I think you will find it’s been around forever. The term was bound into a film title of the 30s or 40s"

The behaviour has been around for ever, yes.

The term dates back to the 1940’s, as I said. The film was in the 40’s.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Gaslighting in private is what some politicians the media and *advertisers* have been doing for years in public.

Ever been "nudged"?

Much gaslighting is the same bullying it ever was. If done in public it is obvious (if not to the victim as they normalise the behaviour). The problem already is how to spot the next-gen gaslighters. It is the passive-aggressive's wet dream. Socially aware and adept, they exploit others awareness and fears or deliberately take "normal" behaviour out of context and build a narrative incredibly hard to defeat. Weaponised "woke".

Think Jussie Smollett in a domestic situation.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult "

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years. "

Is that not narcissism ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To be serious for a second - not like me here at all! I see a much higher prevalence if mental health issues everywhere now. If it’s depression, anxiety, stress, people suffering from coercive control as this thread mentions. What I would like to know - and I doubt very much if there is just one answer - is what is causing it to be so much more prevalent - it’s not simply down to awareness of an issue - there are other factors at play - is it down to higher personal expectations, diet, social media, and I’m not putting forward any of those as potential causes just for instances because thankfully I’ve been so lucky to not have suffered with mental health or wellbeing. I have the greatest regard for anyone struggling as it’s often done in isolation because there is still an attitude of ‘cheer up it might never happen!’ And stigma around mental health. Often it’s deeply personal and painful to share or finding someone you’re comfortable sharing with.

I hope those struggling find the coping mechanisms and support they need - just don’t suffer alone - reach out. "

Todge, a great post I have to say. I think that there is much more openness now with regards to emotional health issues and people can seek help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm all for a joke, but gaslighting is a form of abuse and is an offence. So I don't think much humour can be found in this subject.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm all for a joke, but gaslighting is a form of abuse and is an offence. So I don't think much humour can be found in this subject. "

And this isn't aimed at you OP at all.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"To be serious for a second - not like me here at all! I see a much higher prevalence if mental health issues everywhere now. If it’s depression, anxiety, stress, people suffering from coercive control as this thread mentions. What I would like to know - and I doubt very much if there is just one answer - is what is causing it to be so much more prevalent - it’s not simply down to awareness of an issue - there are other factors at play - is it down to higher personal expectations, diet, social media, and I’m not putting forward any of those as potential causes just for instances because thankfully I’ve been so lucky to not have suffered with mental health or wellbeing. I have the greatest regard for anyone struggling as it’s often done in isolation because there is still an attitude of ‘cheer up it might never happen!’ And stigma around mental health. Often it’s deeply personal and painful to share or finding someone you’re comfortable sharing with.

I hope those struggling find the coping mechanisms and support they need - just don’t suffer alone - reach out. "

In my case it's probably the ability to leave. In the past women were less likely to leave their husbands. And you know they're not physically harming you so it's not abiuse. I was able to leave my ex as soon as I figured it out because I was financially independent. That made a massive difference. I now don't have to pretend and be a stepford wife, and I'm open to talk about my experiences which people in past generations may not have had the opportunity.

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By *rystalTipsandAlistairCouple
over a year ago

Barnard Castle


"I'm all for a joke, but gaslighting is a form of abuse and is an offence. So I don't think much humour can be found in this subject. "

Absolutely. But it has reminded me of a very old black and white film called "Fanny by the Gaslight", which is actually a thing.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Gaslighting when some one is

Manipulating any situation you are in controlling you playing with your

Mental health

Not a human being I would like to know.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?"

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle


"To be serious for a second - not like me here at all! I see a much higher prevalence if mental health issues everywhere now. If it’s depression, anxiety, stress, people suffering from coercive control as this thread mentions. What I would like to know - and I doubt very much if there is just one answer - is what is causing it to be so much more prevalent - it’s not simply down to awareness of an issue - there are other factors at play - is it down to higher personal expectations, diet, social media, and I’m not putting forward any of those as potential causes just for instances because thankfully I’ve been so lucky to not have suffered with mental health or wellbeing. I have the greatest regard for anyone struggling as it’s often done in isolation because there is still an attitude of ‘cheer up it might never happen!’ And stigma around mental health. Often it’s deeply personal and painful to share or finding someone you’re comfortable sharing with.

I hope those struggling find the coping mechanisms and support they need - just don’t suffer alone - reach out.

In my case it's probably the ability to leave. In the past women were less likely to leave their husbands. And you know they're not physically harming you so it's not abiuse. I was able to leave my ex as soon as I figured it out because I was financially independent. That made a massive difference. I now don't have to pretend and be a stepford wife, and I'm open to talk about my experiences which people in past generations may not have had the opportunity. "

I would say that even though they aren’t physically harming you they are still abusers. The stepford wife analogy is a powerful one and I’m really glad you got out. Sharing your experience with others as you mention is hugely important to help those in that situation that feel helpless & powerless to act. You can demonstrate that it can be done and there’s life outside an abusive relationship xxx

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By *rystalTipsandAlistairCouple
over a year ago

Barnard Castle


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would. "

That's perfectly and precisely put.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would. "

Very similar though

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"To be serious for a second - not like me here at all! I see a much higher prevalence if mental health issues everywhere now. If it’s depression, anxiety, stress, people suffering from coercive control as this thread mentions. What I would like to know - and I doubt very much if there is just one answer - is what is causing it to be so much more prevalent - it’s not simply down to awareness of an issue - there are other factors at play - is it down to higher personal expectations, diet, social media, and I’m not putting forward any of those as potential causes just for instances because thankfully I’ve been so lucky to not have suffered with mental health or wellbeing. I have the greatest regard for anyone struggling as it’s often done in isolation because there is still an attitude of ‘cheer up it might never happen!’ And stigma around mental health. Often it’s deeply personal and painful to share or finding someone you’re comfortable sharing with.

I hope those struggling find the coping mechanisms and support they need - just don’t suffer alone - reach out.

In my case it's probably the ability to leave. In the past women were less likely to leave their husbands. And you know they're not physically harming you so it's not abiuse. I was able to leave my ex as soon as I figured it out because I was financially independent. That made a massive difference. I now don't have to pretend and be a stepford wife, and I'm open to talk about my experiences which people in past generations may not have had the opportunity.

I would say that even though they aren’t physically harming you they are still abusers. The stepford wife analogy is a powerful one and I’m really glad you got out. Sharing your experience with others as you mention is hugely important to help those in that situation that feel helpless & powerless to act. You can demonstrate that it can be done and there’s life outside an abusive relationship xxx "

It’s most definitely abuse.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"I'm all for a joke, but gaslighting is a form of abuse and is an offence. So I don't think much humour can be found in this subject. "

Very true. But I did laugh at the line about lighting farts. The joke was about the name, not making light of the behaviour.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would.

Very similar though "

I agree, which is why I tend to use the word emotional abuse. I think many of these things cross over. Additionally, to me personally the emotional abuse was worse than the actual physical. So I don't see subdivisions of physical abuse and don't necessarily think it's needed for emotional abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would. "

Someone shared a graphic with me with those phrases. Even years later it has the power to make me sob. When they're repeated for years and years words have that power.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"To be serious for a second - not like me here at all! I see a much higher prevalence if mental health issues everywhere now. If it’s depression, anxiety, stress, people suffering from coercive control as this thread mentions. What I would like to know - and I doubt very much if there is just one answer - is what is causing it to be so much more prevalent - it’s not simply down to awareness of an issue - there are other factors at play - is it down to higher personal expectations, diet, social media, and I’m not putting forward any of those as potential causes just for instances because thankfully I’ve been so lucky to not have suffered with mental health or wellbeing. I have the greatest regard for anyone struggling as it’s often done in isolation because there is still an attitude of ‘cheer up it might never happen!’ And stigma around mental health. Often it’s deeply personal and painful to share or finding someone you’re comfortable sharing with.

I hope those struggling find the coping mechanisms and support they need - just don’t suffer alone - reach out.

In my case it's probably the ability to leave. In the past women were less likely to leave their husbands. And you know they're not physically harming you so it's not abiuse. I was able to leave my ex as soon as I figured it out because I was financially independent. That made a massive difference. I now don't have to pretend and be a stepford wife, and I'm open to talk about my experiences which people in past generations may not have had the opportunity.

I would say that even though they aren’t physically harming you they are still abusers. The stepford wife analogy is a powerful one and I’m really glad you got out. Sharing your experience with others as you mention is hugely important to help those in that situation that feel helpless & powerless to act. You can demonstrate that it can be done and there’s life outside an abusive relationship xxx "

Oh most definitely they are abusers but to my grandmother and mother's generation, I don't think they'd necessarily see it as that clear cut. Which is why I think there is more talk of emotional abuse these days.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"I'm all for a joke, but gaslighting is a form of abuse and is an offence. So I don't think much humour can be found in this subject. "

Humour sometimes helps lighten the vibe and situation

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would.

Very similar though

I agree, which is why I tend to use the word emotional abuse. I think many of these things cross over. Additionally, to me personally the emotional abuse was worse than the actual physical. So I don't see subdivisions of physical abuse and don't necessarily think it's needed for emotional abuse. "

No it’s not. Mental abuse is just as serious as physical. I’ve seen it happen. It’s just very frustrating when the person it’s happening to can’t see it. Having never been through anything like that though I can’t even pretend to understand so all I can do is be there for them.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would.

Very similar though

I agree, which is why I tend to use the word emotional abuse. I think many of these things cross over. Additionally, to me personally the emotional abuse was worse than the actual physical. So I don't see subdivisions of physical abuse and don't necessarily think it's needed for emotional abuse.

No it’s not. Mental abuse is just as serious as physical. I’ve seen it happen. It’s just very frustrating when the person it’s happening to can’t see it. Having never been through anything like that though I can’t even pretend to understand so all I can do is be there for them. "

I was for me personally, the physical for me healed quicker than the metal. Maybe I could have explained that better. I can imagine the frustration it causes friends who see it. But when you're in the middle of it you're so blinkered to the reality around you. You kind of only see what your abuser wants you to see, if that makes sense? That's what good friends do they never give up they wait patiently for you.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would.

Very similar though

I agree, which is why I tend to use the word emotional abuse. I think many of these things cross over. Additionally, to me personally the emotional abuse was worse than the actual physical. So I don't see subdivisions of physical abuse and don't necessarily think it's needed for emotional abuse.

No it’s not. Mental abuse is just as serious as physical. I’ve seen it happen. It’s just very frustrating when the person it’s happening to can’t see it. Having never been through anything like that though I can’t even pretend to understand so all I can do is be there for them.

I was for me personally, the physical for me healed quicker than the metal. Maybe I could have explained that better. I can imagine the frustration it causes friends who see it. But when you're in the middle of it you're so blinkered to the reality around you. You kind of only see what your abuser wants you to see, if that makes sense? That's what good friends do they never give up they wait patiently for you. "

Makes total sense x

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle


"To be serious for a second - not like me here at all! I see a much higher prevalence if mental health issues everywhere now. If it’s depression, anxiety, stress, people suffering from coercive control as this thread mentions. What I would like to know - and I doubt very much if there is just one answer - is what is causing it to be so much more prevalent - it’s not simply down to awareness of an issue - there are other factors at play - is it down to higher personal expectations, diet, social media, and I’m not putting forward any of those as potential causes just for instances because thankfully I’ve been so lucky to not have suffered with mental health or wellbeing. I have the greatest regard for anyone struggling as it’s often done in isolation because there is still an attitude of ‘cheer up it might never happen!’ And stigma around mental health. Often it’s deeply personal and painful to share or finding someone you’re comfortable sharing with.

I hope those struggling find the coping mechanisms and support they need - just don’t suffer alone - reach out.

In my case it's probably the ability to leave. In the past women were less likely to leave their husbands. And you know they're not physically harming you so it's not abiuse. I was able to leave my ex as soon as I figured it out because I was financially independent. That made a massive difference. I now don't have to pretend and be a stepford wife, and I'm open to talk about my experiences which people in past generations may not have had the opportunity.

I would say that even though they aren’t physically harming you they are still abusers. The stepford wife analogy is a powerful one and I’m really glad you got out. Sharing your experience with others as you mention is hugely important to help those in that situation that feel helpless & powerless to act. You can demonstrate that it can be done and there’s life outside an abusive relationship xxx

Oh most definitely they are abusers but to my grandmother and mother's generation, I don't think they'd necessarily see it as that clear cut. Which is why I think there is more talk of emotional abuse these days. "

Yes in those days they would ask well what did you to to make him give you a black eye? Xx

I have to say that thankfully I’ve never had to deal with something like this. Whatever happened to telling your partner- you’re smart, funny, sexy and recognising when one might be feeling vulnerable and being there for them? Taking some of the burden, sharing?

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I think it’s harder for some to grasp the differences between mental and physical abuse

Physical abuse is always abuse. If someone hits you, that’s abuse

“Gaslighting” or manipulation doesn’t work on everyone. So it’s hard for some to grasp. I struggle with it because no one could gas light me. It confuses me when I hear about peoples experiences because I wonder how anyone could fall for it. Doesn’t mean it’s any less abuse, it’s just harder for some to grasp

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I think it’s harder for some to grasp the differences between mental and physical abuse

Physical abuse is always abuse. If someone hits you, that’s abuse

“Gaslighting” or manipulation doesn’t work on everyone. So it’s hard for some to grasp. I struggle with it because no one could gas light me. It confuses me when I hear about peoples experiences because I wonder how anyone could fall for it. Doesn’t mean it’s any less abuse, it’s just harder for some to grasp "

I do also get where you’re coming from to to be fair. I guess if you’ve never gone through it you can’t understand it like I said before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder if it would hurt as much if I got beaten up was a thought that regularly crossed my mind.

Mental abuse and physical abuse can hurt just as much as each other.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I think it’s harder for some to grasp the differences between mental and physical abuse

Physical abuse is always abuse. If someone hits you, that’s abuse

“Gaslighting” or manipulation doesn’t work on everyone. So it’s hard for some to grasp. I struggle with it because no one could gas light me. It confuses me when I hear about peoples experiences because I wonder how anyone could fall for it. Doesn’t mean it’s any less abuse, it’s just harder for some to grasp "

I get where you are coming from, I wouldn't have believed it myself even in the blinking midst of it. Point is over the course of 20 years it was ramped up ever so slightly and slowly so there wasn't much to see, it was a minor tiff that's all initially. But over time it slowly became worse and worse. If I had met M and never been with my ex I'd probably wouldn't understand either.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"As someone who was gaslighted for many years and still struggling with the after effects, I'm finding the "jokes" hard to read. Having your reality screwed with isn't funny. You might think I am being a snowflake but gaslighting has significant effects on mental health. Since when is mental health something to joke about?

Look, I posted this thread as I had recently been party to some horrible disclosures by a lady married to a life long friend. I have to admit I could not believe what was being said to me as I couldn’t reconcile the behaviour to my friend.

It seems all the disclosures were true and I am helping with the aftermath of a breakdown of a 20 year marriage.

Perhaps I should have searched the forums for similar subject matter to assist in me trying to understand the phenomenon better.

I was in pretty much the situation you describe, disbelief at what I was hearing and actively helping the victim to move forward.

And then she doubled back, admitted that there had been a lot of exaggeration in what she had told us, denied having told us some of the material and now I feel like I have been completing had. I took everything. She said at face value, and it now appears that most of it wasn’t true.

Finding out truth / facts in situations like this is incredibly difficult

I'm not saying that this is the case. But a big part of gaslighting is to make the abused party question their own reality and how events actually took place. So I would agree that it would be difficult to obtain the truth as the abuser isn't going to admit the truth and the person being abused may not actually know the truth anymore, especially if the abuse has been over several years.

Is that not narcissism ?

No that's part of gaslighting. Here are some examples of common gaslighting phrases.

1) That never happened.

2)You're too sensitive.

3)You have a terrible memory.

4) You're crazy — and other people think so, too.

5) I'm sorry you think that I hurt you.

6) You should know how I'd react.

One of the most common ones is to lie and make you think you're going a bit crazy and that you're lucky they put up with you, as nobody else would.

Very similar though

I agree, which is why I tend to use the word emotional abuse. I think many of these things cross over. Additionally, to me personally the emotional abuse was worse than the actual physical. So I don't see subdivisions of physical abuse and don't necessarily think it's needed for emotional abuse.

No it’s not. Mental abuse is just as serious as physical. I’ve seen it happen. It’s just very frustrating when the person it’s happening to can’t see it. Having never been through anything like that though I can’t even pretend to understand so all I can do is be there for them.

I was for me personally, the physical for me healed quicker than the metal. Maybe I could have explained that better. I can imagine the frustration it causes friends who see it. But when you're in the middle of it you're so blinkered to the reality around you. You kind of only see what your abuser wants you to see, if that makes sense? That's what good friends do they never give up they wait patiently for you. "

There is also the emotional attachment to the idealised version of the relationship. Maybe things were brilliant at the start, and the victim harks back to those days thinking that they can get the relationship back to that point and everything will be ok again.

That’s what makes it harder. It’s not like some work colleague is being an arse and you can report them or switch jobs or something. People are heavily invested in their relationships and end up throwing good money after bad, hoping things will get better.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Physical abuse IS ALSO mental abuse.

The memory lasts a lot longer than the bruise.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"I wonder if it would hurt as much if I got beaten up was a thought that regularly crossed my mind.

Mental abuse and physical abuse can hurt just as much as each other. "

Physical abuse comes with mental trauma, it’s not one or the other. If you get beaten up, attacked, robbed, mugged, whatever ... that stays with you.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"I wonder if it would hurt as much if I got beaten up was a thought that regularly crossed my mind.

Mental abuse and physical abuse can hurt just as much as each other.

Physical abuse comes with mental trauma, it’s not one or the other. If you get beaten up, attacked, robbed, mugged, whatever ... that stays with you. "

Agreed, got beat up outside a club in a case of mistaken identity and needed 3 surgeries to get myself sorted, and despite the police having the names of all those involved those chose not to investigate because I was d*unk when it happened

Messed with my head for years

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Physical abuse IS ALSO mental abuse.

The memory lasts a lot longer than the bruise. "

Yes you are correct, I still panic if I think I've said or done something wrong.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights


"Most phenomenon are more common on fab

Never heard of any of them until fab! Lampposts , gas lights, breadcrumbs etc etc. I get mixed up between them all!"

I wrap them all up into a pretty box with a bow labelled Cuntish Behaviour...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have only recently been made aware of this trait after helping someone in a time of crisis. Having read a little on the subject it seems to be more common than I thought."

Haven't all the replies, sorry.

Tell your friend to look at the Womensaid website. It has info for women and men too.

You could look as it has info for friends helping people.

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