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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Let's have abit of fun with this.

What's the funniest and worst 1st message you have received on here.

Maybe offer abit of advice on how they could have tweeked the message.

Please don't put their names in the thread.

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By *estofbothCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

It’s kind of hard to narrow it down to just one!

Probably one that sticks in my mind is “can I have a go on that”. Managed to be really rude without even too much effort.

Only advice we could give would be repeating what everyone already knows, we try and reply to any message that’s polite and a bit conversational. However there’s is no sure fire way, as we receive some great messages from people who say they don’t usually get a reply. And even our inbox gets a little full to answer everything sometimes.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

"If you told him to, would he let me suck his dick?"

LvM

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

My favourite message was from a fella who said he would walk across a field of broken glass just to masturbate in my shadow.

That made me feel all “awwwwwww” inside

My worst was from someone who just said something along the lines of my belly being bigger than my tits and finishing with ha ha ha. Like, no shit Sherlock, I am a size 26 what do you expect!?

On the whole though I get quite amusing openers and I’m thankful for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would my wife be willing to meet a bloke in his garden shed while his partner is asleep in bed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Omg La Luna , what an absolute tool!

Should have replied " well if your dick was bigger than your tongue you might stand a chance with women

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Would my wife be willing to meet a bloke in his garden shed while his partner is asleep in bed."

I see the art of seducing was used in this one lol

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By *ollybirdWoman
over a year ago

east Cork

I want to enter you through the anus

And

Can I impregnate you

Oh and

Can I milk your breasts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want to fuck your throat until you throw up all over my cock.

Yummy.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

. (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)


"

Should have replied " well if your dick was bigger than your tongue you might stand a chance "

Everyone will be using that one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Holy sh$t, ruthless messages.

I'm too bloody nice that's my problem.

IF ! I message someone I say at the end I will understand if not your type or you choose not to reply.

I've had a replying thanking for my message but not their type and replied thanking them for saying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Should have replied " well if your dick was bigger than your tongue you might stand a chance

Everyone will be using that one "

I'm brilliant at sarky replies.

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

From a couple a while back, I had something along the lines of:

hi wot u lookin for

I sent them a nice wordy reply which had the desired effect of completely disinteresting them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be lovely to get a first message lol

Or a reply to that matter ha ha

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Hello you.

The worst ones for me are not the vulgar ones - they get put in their place & blocked pronto - but the creepy ones. Just had another one, telling me he thinks he knows me. From a profile with no avatar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'I'd throw myself into a wood chipper on the off chance I would get made into toilet roll so I could be between your cheeks'

I'll let you decide if it was the best or worst

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worse was the one which mentioned

The best was the Limerick which a guy wrote for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"'I'd throw myself into a wood chipper on the off chance I would get made into toilet roll so I could be between your cheeks'

I'll let you decide if it was the best or worst "

What the actual fuck?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Be lovely to get a first message lol

Or a reply to that matter ha ha "

Hang in there mate….something will happen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"'I'd throw myself into a wood chipper on the off chance I would get made into toilet roll so I could be between your cheeks'

I'll let you decide if it was the best or worst "

Best!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Be lovely to get a first message lol

Or a reply to that matter ha ha

Hang in there mate….something will happen "

Hope so lol , I put lots of effort in too , my fingers are sore typing

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

We had a hello from somebody followed by "Let me lick your ass and pussy pls". At least he said hello first but I do tend to think that normal people have steps in between his start and end points.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve not had many firsts nor many replies but I’m fine with it…I do try my best in an opener and am never rude but everyone has a preference…being ignored is fine but getting a reply of;

“You need a face transplant to get with this”

was hurtful but hilarious at the same time!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/12/21 11:24:59]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"'I'd throw myself into a wood chipper on the off chance I would get made into toilet roll so I could be between your cheeks'

I'll let you decide if it was the best or worst "

Erm my stranger danger alarm is sounding on this one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The worse was the one which mentioned

The best was the Limerick which a guy wrote for me "

I love that people have had good experiences but the bad ones are making my skin crawl urrgh

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

We've never had anything truly awful but did get one a few days back asking me to go to his house and he'd pay me to let him cum on my feet.

And while not the best, the most hopeful one came from a guy who said he was a delivery driver for an Indian restaurant and if we order from there he'll come over. "You only have to give me a blowie and then I'll leave".

Maybe he was trying to drum up business

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.


"We've never had anything truly awful but did get one a few days back asking me to go to his house and he'd pay me to let him cum on my feet.

And while not the best, the most hopeful one came from a guy who said he was a delivery driver for an Indian restaurant and if we order from there he'll come over. "You only have to give me a blowie and then I'll leave".

Maybe he was trying to drum up business "

Perhaps he wanted to show you his lamb bhuna

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We've never had anything truly awful but did get one a few days back asking me to go to his house and he'd pay me to let him cum on my feet.

And while not the best, the most hopeful one came from a guy who said he was a delivery driver for an Indian restaurant and if we order from there he'll come over. "You only have to give me a blowie and then I'll leave".

Maybe he was trying to drum up business "

I'd hate to be his next delivery customer and asking my the cream sauce is all over the bag

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"We've never had anything truly awful but did get one a few days back asking me to go to his house and he'd pay me to let him cum on my feet.

And while not the best, the most hopeful one came from a guy who said he was a delivery driver for an Indian restaurant and if we order from there he'll come over. "You only have to give me a blowie and then I'll leave".

Maybe he was trying to drum up business

I'd hate to be his next delivery customer and asking my the cream sauce is all over the bag "

My husband did say we're never going to ask for extra natural yogurt with our curry again

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

Strangest:

When having a poo, are your trousers around your knees or ankles?

Shortest:

Suck now?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We've never had anything truly awful but did get one a few days back asking me to go to his house and he'd pay me to let him cum on my feet.

And while not the best, the most hopeful one came from a guy who said he was a delivery driver for an Indian restaurant and if we order from there he'll come over. "You only have to give me a blowie and then I'll leave".

Maybe he was trying to drum up business

I'd hate to be his next delivery customer and asking my the cream sauce is all over the bag

My husband did say we're never going to ask for extra natural yogurt with our curry again"

That driver must have been making money hand over fist that night lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I had a few messages from a guy asking to spit roast his fwb. ( stunning lady)

But she knew nothing about it, I would just turn up. Alarm bells went off and backed out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both in one, possibly the one I got the other morning at like 1am, that simply said "U free?" even though my status said "Isolating as I have Covid". I mean, obvious reasons aside, no, I'm not free at 1am to accommodate a stranger I've never have any previous contact with who is also about an hour away....I mean, really?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was just asked if I still have my periods. I was told this is a way to ask for BB.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just received this one again:

"Do u like discreet risky fun? Would u ever sneak in my pub shed while my lass is asleep, wearing a little skirt no knickers find me inside waiting for you. Say nothing but drop to Ur knees and suck me better than she ever dose them bend over to show me ur wet little pussy. I'll be throbbing n won't be able to resist sliding into you...ur pussy wrapped tight round my cock till I can't take anymore. How do u want me to finish?".

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

I sent the best dick picture they had ever received to someone on this thread.

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By *ustcurious1000Couple
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Can I get u pregnant…. Buy your underwear etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not on here but, I find it amusing when my ex sends me explicit messages then (when she sees Iv opened it) messages saying.. “sorry, was meant for somebody else”..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you shit in a bix and send it to me? I'll pay good £££"

Nah, thanks awfully, lovely offer though...,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*box

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

Markfield

“You’re so close by I could probably fist you from here if you open your window”

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Holy sh!t

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""Would you shit in a bix and send it to me? I'll pay good £££"

Nah, thanks awfully, lovely offer though..., "

What the fuck!

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By *assie101Woman
over a year ago

Kent


"Just received this one again:

"Do u like discreet risky fun? Would u ever sneak in my pub shed while my lass is asleep, wearing a little skirt no knickers find me inside waiting for you. Say nothing but drop to Ur knees and suck me better than she ever dose them bend over to show me ur wet little pussy. I'll be throbbing n won't be able to resist sliding into you...ur pussy wrapped tight round my cock till I can't take anymore. How do u want me to finish?"."

How do you resist?

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