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"I've exceeded them. They wanted me to get a job straight from school, instead of going to college because "We don't think you'd cope. You struggle with education" So I went to college and then onto Uni and got my dream job. I hated school, but I'm a stubborn bastard! " Sounds amazing!! X well done and sometimes being stubborn and resilient is a good thing Why so many unsupportive parents tho??? | |||
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"My parents had very low expectations of me and I should of never of reached the levels that I did. I have never been supported by them to chase my dreams so yes I’ve been a disappointment to them and continue to be" Good on you for proving them wrong mate I disappointed my dad as my results in school wavered towards the end and I had no intention of college or university. I then disappointed him further by joining a specific corps in the military….and the fact I got a girl pregnant at 20! So didn’t take the path he was certainly expecting!! My mother - I’m just awesome no matter what in her eyes | |||
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"I've exceeded them. They wanted me to get a job straight from school, instead of going to college because "We don't think you'd cope. You struggle with education" So I went to college and then onto Uni and got my dream job. I hated school, but I'm a stubborn bastard! Sounds amazing!! X well done and sometimes being stubborn and resilient is a good thing Why so many unsupportive parents tho??? " Because each parent had a dream when they were young once and some of them didn’t happen…I think they want to live their own dreams through their children if you get me. Like…I ignored education and got a job…I regret that and want my girls to do college and university….I haven’t travelled (unless it’s too a shit hole for work)…I want them too…I want them to do all that I didn’t. But they have their own minds and already I think I’m fighting a losing battle with them both. Whilst I’ll be disappointed they may not follow a path I’d like them to go down I will never be disappointed! | |||
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"My parents had very low expectations of me and I should of never of reached the levels that I did. I have never been supported by them to chase my dreams so yes I’ve been a disappointment to them and continue to be Good on you for proving them wrong mate I disappointed my dad as my results in school wavered towards the end and I had no intention of college or university. I then disappointed him further by joining a specific corps in the military….and the fact I got a girl pregnant at 20! So didn’t take the path he was certainly expecting!! My mother - I’m just awesome no matter what in her eyes " I don’t think it was a case of proving them wrong. I tried to live life to their expectations and just wasn’t happy to I rebelled and worked my way up the corporate ladder. I constantly had ‘are you sure your capable of doing that job’ etc You sound like you have created a great life for yourself | |||
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"Do you live up to what your parents expected of you? I don’t, if my mum had it her way I’d be a housewife. How do you cope with constant disappointment if you don’t?" I don't partake in a manipulators life! No matter if it's a blood relative.... | |||
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"The reason I’m posting is because I’m really struggling with my mum. As a child and teen it was drummed into me that I was to stay at home, my role was to look after a man and my children. I have 3 brothers, they didn’t have to do the housework and lots of discussions about what they could do as adults. I had none of that. I went to university, did a degree and a postgraduate, went back to university and did another degree. I’m academic and have a good career. But in the way she acts, things she says and how she constantly posts on social media about how proud she is of my military brother, I’m a disappointment to her. I have children, I’m not a stay at home mum but they have great experiences and life. For all that I have achieved in life not once has my mum expressed anything positive. All this, and a lot more is causing huge anxiety and I’m heading into a pit of depression and hoping to help myself and put things into perspective before it gets ugly. My dad left my mum when I was 21, he would have left many years earlier but he knew that my life wouldn’t be what it is now (long story behind that). My dad is incredibly supportive and proud of my achievements, it’s just my mum I have huge issues with." The problem is with your mum not you. I would highly recommend sitting down with her and telling her how she makes you feel or write her a letter if easier. She probably doesn’t realise what she’s doing | |||
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"The reason I’m posting is because I’m really struggling with my mum. As a child and teen it was drummed into me that I was to stay at home, my role was to look after a man and my children. I have 3 brothers, they didn’t have to do the housework and lots of discussions about what they could do as adults. I had none of that. I went to university, did a degree and a postgraduate, went back to university and did another degree. I’m academic and have a good career. But in the way she acts, things she says and how she constantly posts on social media about how proud she is of my military brother, I’m a disappointment to her. I have children, I’m not a stay at home mum but they have great experiences and life. For all that I have achieved in life not once has my mum expressed anything positive. All this, and a lot more is causing huge anxiety and I’m heading into a pit of depression and hoping to help myself and put things into perspective before it gets ugly. My dad left my mum when I was 21, he would have left many years earlier but he knew that my life wouldn’t be what it is now (long story behind that). My dad is incredibly supportive and proud of my achievements, it’s just my mum I have huge issues with. The problem is with your mum not you. I would highly recommend sitting down with her and telling her how she makes you feel or write her a letter if easier. She probably doesn’t realise what she’s doing " I’ve wrote to her and told her all, it was written in quite way that I wasn’t throwing everything on her. I told her some of the problems, what my expectations were then where we can go to move forward. I’m now the most hideous person imaginable, she’s ripped me to shreds to my family. I’ve asked her not to contact me until after new year so I can get a grasp of my mental health then I will speak to her in person with a mediator. I have very little expectations now | |||
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"The reason I’m posting is because I’m really struggling with my mum. As a child and teen it was drummed into me that I was to stay at home, my role was to look after a man and my children. I have 3 brothers, they didn’t have to do the housework and lots of discussions about what they could do as adults. I had none of that. I went to university, did a degree and a postgraduate, went back to university and did another degree. I’m academic and have a good career. But in the way she acts, things she says and how she constantly posts on social media about how proud she is of my military brother, I’m a disappointment to her. I have children, I’m not a stay at home mum but they have great experiences and life. For all that I have achieved in life not once has my mum expressed anything positive. All this, and a lot more is causing huge anxiety and I’m heading into a pit of depression and hoping to help myself and put things into perspective before it gets ugly. My dad left my mum when I was 21, he would have left many years earlier but he knew that my life wouldn’t be what it is now (long story behind that). My dad is incredibly supportive and proud of my achievements, it’s just my mum I have huge issues with. The problem is with your mum not you. I would highly recommend sitting down with her and telling her how she makes you feel or write her a letter if easier. She probably doesn’t realise what she’s doing I’ve wrote to her and told her all, it was written in quite way that I wasn’t throwing everything on her. I told her some of the problems, what my expectations were then where we can go to move forward. I’m now the most hideous person imaginable, she’s ripped me to shreds to my family. I’ve asked her not to contact me until after new year so I can get a grasp of my mental health then I will speak to her in person with a mediator. I have very little expectations now" You need to do what’s best for you, for her to talk to your family about it, is out of order. As a mum I would hate for my actions to make my child feel that way whatever the age. I hope you manage to do what you need for you to get your mental health on track- I think personally you need to block her on social media so you can’t see her posts praising your siblings | |||
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"The reason I’m posting is because I’m really struggling with my mum. As a child and teen it was drummed into me that I was to stay at home, my role was to look after a man and my children. I have 3 brothers, they didn’t have to do the housework and lots of discussions about what they could do as adults. I had none of that. I went to university, did a degree and a postgraduate, went back to university and did another degree. I’m academic and have a good career. But in the way she acts, things she says and how she constantly posts on social media about how proud she is of my military brother, I’m a disappointment to her. I have children, I’m not a stay at home mum but they have great experiences and life. For all that I have achieved in life not once has my mum expressed anything positive. All this, and a lot more is causing huge anxiety and I’m heading into a pit of depression and hoping to help myself and put things into perspective before it gets ugly. My dad left my mum when I was 21, he would have left many years earlier but he knew that my life wouldn’t be what it is now (long story behind that). My dad is incredibly supportive and proud of my achievements, it’s just my mum I have huge issues with. The problem is with your mum not you. I would highly recommend sitting down with her and telling her how she makes you feel or write her a letter if easier. She probably doesn’t realise what she’s doing I’ve wrote to her and told her all, it was written in quite way that I wasn’t throwing everything on her. I told her some of the problems, what my expectations were then where we can go to move forward. I’m now the most hideous person imaginable, she’s ripped me to shreds to my family. I’ve asked her not to contact me until after new year so I can get a grasp of my mental health then I will speak to her in person with a mediator. I have very little expectations now You need to do what’s best for you, for her to talk to your family about it, is out of order. As a mum I would hate for my actions to make my child feel that way whatever the age. I hope you manage to do what you need for you to get your mental health on track- I think personally you need to block her on social media so you can’t see her posts praising your siblings " Your comments are really helping me to know I’m doing the right thing and know I have good reason for being upset, thank you. I’ve stopped her seeing my social media and I can’t see hers now, it’s definitely helping, not that I’ve posted anything recently because of all this | |||
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"Both my mum and dad are pretty happy how I turned out. My dad is no longer with me, but the way he used to talk about me (to others) was infectious (or so I got told) , he’d just light up and yes, I didn’t live the life he wanted me to live, but he truly loved me and that was more than enough for him My mum is also pretty proud of me and she’s happy I’m living a happier life x " Great parenting there. | |||
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"My mum and I only speak through text every now and then. I'm sure in her eyes I'm a huge disappointment, always have been so I keep communication to a minimum. Last time we spoke on the phone she got aggy and brought out her usual tone of voice to inform me in no uncertain terms "for God's sake, this is pointless, I can't understand a word you're saying" due to me picking up a slight accent change. Her final show of contempt towards me will be leaving me out of her will, we're all expecting it when the time comes. How do I deal with it? Aside from the lack of contact... not all that well really. Slowly the hurt child in me is healing but the damage is deep." Christ xxxx | |||
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"My dad always seemed disappointed. Can't change that as he is dead. My mum, well, she said recently that she was amazed that I turned out to be a good mum, so go figure!" xxx | |||
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"You can't spend your time trying to meet and please your parents. I completely done the opposite of what was expected of me and it worked out great. I've great parents, but what do they know? They can expect all they like but it's you that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, not them. " Like you say, you've got great parents who I'd say by what you've written accept you regardless. Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us grew up in households where "love" seemed and was conditional and you only got something that resembled it when you met certain targets or behaved certain ways. Not in the same way as puppy training believe me. It was and is cold. And that hurt child who never learnt how to deal with or express emotion in a healthy way has to make adult decisions whilst deep down still craving acceptance and love from the parent who's unwilling or incapable of giving it. It's like cutting off your own limb with gangrene that you wish would just produce some healthy flesh and give you some hope. | |||
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"You can't spend your time trying to meet and please your parents. I completely done the opposite of what was expected of me and it worked out great. I've great parents, but what do they know? They can expect all they like but it's you that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, not them. Like you say, you've got great parents who I'd say by what you've written accept you regardless. Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us grew up in households where "love" seemed and was conditional and you only got something that resembled it when you met certain targets or behaved certain ways. Not in the same way as puppy training believe me. It was and is cold. And that hurt child who never learnt how to deal with or express emotion in a healthy way has to make adult decisions whilst deep down still craving acceptance and love from the parent who's unwilling or incapable of giving it. It's like cutting off your own limb with gangrene that you wish would just produce some healthy flesh and give you some hope." Obviously for a young child not being shown love and attention will have an effect. But I think alot of focus is put on parents expectations. The type of person I am is basically to do as I please and if my parents didn't approve, that's just tough. Lots of love and affection growing up or none it would make no difference to me. I wouldn't say my parents are overly proud of me , but at the end of the day what has anything got to do with them? | |||
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"Quite depressing reading some of these. " It's not so bad. We learn from our parents mistakes, or what we perceive as their mistakes and try not to replicate them. I always made sure I was supportive of my kids in their ambitions, without trying to push them in a particular direction. Their ambitions, not mine. My constant thread of advice was, just be happy in what you do. They both followed their dreams so were self motivating and are both very successful. | |||
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"You can't spend your time trying to meet and please your parents. I completely done the opposite of what was expected of me and it worked out great. I've great parents, but what do they know? They can expect all they like but it's you that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, not them. Like you say, you've got great parents who I'd say by what you've written accept you regardless. Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us grew up in households where "love" seemed and was conditional and you only got something that resembled it when you met certain targets or behaved certain ways. Not in the same way as puppy training believe me. It was and is cold. And that hurt child who never learnt how to deal with or express emotion in a healthy way has to make adult decisions whilst deep down still craving acceptance and love from the parent who's unwilling or incapable of giving it. It's like cutting off your own limb with gangrene that you wish would just produce some healthy flesh and give you some hope. Obviously for a young child not being shown love and attention will have an effect. But I think alot of focus is put on parents expectations. The type of person I am is basically to do as I please and if my parents didn't approve, that's just tough. Lots of love and affection growing up or none it would make no difference to me. I wouldn't say my parents are overly proud of me , but at the end of the day what has anything got to do with them? " I'm just trying to explain that without the love, approval and acceptance as a child, it manifests into a lack of confidence in decision making, a large portion of not really knowing who you are or what you want vs what you need or both, and a whole lot of trying to people please for the wrong or for subconscious reasons. Yours may not be overly proud but I can tell you feel accepted and don't feel as though you're gonna get rejected just for being yourself and following your heart. You're still loved regardless. It's hard as a kid when the expectations placed on you are high bar, yet you're consistently being told you're nothing, will amount to nothing. Your life is a contradiction and you don't know what to believe, so, instead of stopping loving them you stop loving yourself. | |||
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"Quite depressing reading some of these. It's not so bad. We learn from our parents mistakes, or what we perceive as their mistakes and try not to replicate them. I always made sure I was supportive of my kids in their ambitions, without trying to push them in a particular direction. Their ambitions, not mine. My constant thread of advice was, just be happy in what you do. They both followed their dreams so were self motivating and are both very successful." I've done the same x | |||
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"Do you live up to what your parents expected of you? I don’t, if my mum had it her way I’d be a housewife. How do you cope with constant disappointment if you don’t?" My parents attitude was do whatever you like, but clean up your own shit. So I was doing lots of adult stuff from a very early age but knew the responsibility for any repercussions were mine to deal with. For a rebellious, cocky little sod like me it was the perfect upbringing and I thank my parents for allowing me the freedom to do whatever made me happy. | |||
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"Quite depressing reading some of these. " I tend to agree although of course everyone's circumstances are different. As I see, the role of parent(s) should be to guide and advise but allow their child to find their own happiness in what they choose to be and to achieve their true potential. Be supportive and there if they need them. | |||
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"You can't spend your time trying to meet and please your parents. I completely done the opposite of what was expected of me and it worked out great. I've great parents, but what do they know? They can expect all they like but it's you that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, not them. Like you say, you've got great parents who I'd say by what you've written accept you regardless. Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us grew up in households where "love" seemed and was conditional and you only got something that resembled it when you met certain targets or behaved certain ways. Not in the same way as puppy training believe me. It was and is cold. And that hurt child who never learnt how to deal with or express emotion in a healthy way has to make adult decisions whilst deep down still craving acceptance and love from the parent who's unwilling or incapable of giving it. It's like cutting off your own limb with gangrene that you wish would just produce some healthy flesh and give you some hope. Obviously for a young child not being shown love and attention will have an effect. But I think alot of focus is put on parents expectations. The type of person I am is basically to do as I please and if my parents didn't approve, that's just tough. Lots of love and affection growing up or none it would make no difference to me. I wouldn't say my parents are overly proud of me , but at the end of the day what has anything got to do with them? I'm just trying to explain that without the love, approval and acceptance as a child, it manifests into a lack of confidence in decision making, a large portion of not really knowing who you are or what you want vs what you need or both, and a whole lot of trying to people please for the wrong or for subconscious reasons. Yours may not be overly proud but I can tell you feel accepted and don't feel as though you're gonna get rejected just for being yourself and following your heart. You're still loved regardless. It's hard as a kid when the expectations placed on you are high bar, yet you're consistently being told you're nothing, will amount to nothing. Your life is a contradiction and you don't know what to believe, so, instead of stopping loving them you stop loving yourself." There is no contradiction. It's simple, I don't see why anyone would really care what their parents think of them. It's pointless. Good bad or indifferent upbringing. You make the best with the card's your dealt. If I had of had a bad upbringing, that would spur me on even more. Your parents only do so much positively or negatively and at some stage how to your life turns out is down to you. As an adult I couldn't care less what opinion they have of me. | |||
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"You can't spend your time trying to meet and please your parents. I completely done the opposite of what was expected of me and it worked out great. I've great parents, but what do they know? They can expect all they like but it's you that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, not them. Like you say, you've got great parents who I'd say by what you've written accept you regardless. Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us grew up in households where "love" seemed and was conditional and you only got something that resembled it when you met certain targets or behaved certain ways. Not in the same way as puppy training believe me. It was and is cold. And that hurt child who never learnt how to deal with or express emotion in a healthy way has to make adult decisions whilst deep down still craving acceptance and love from the parent who's unwilling or incapable of giving it. It's like cutting off your own limb with gangrene that you wish would just produce some healthy flesh and give you some hope. Obviously for a young child not being shown love and attention will have an effect. But I think alot of focus is put on parents expectations. The type of person I am is basically to do as I please and if my parents didn't approve, that's just tough. Lots of love and affection growing up or none it would make no difference to me. I wouldn't say my parents are overly proud of me , but at the end of the day what has anything got to do with them? I'm just trying to explain that without the love, approval and acceptance as a child, it manifests into a lack of confidence in decision making, a large portion of not really knowing who you are or what you want vs what you need or both, and a whole lot of trying to people please for the wrong or for subconscious reasons. Yours may not be overly proud but I can tell you feel accepted and don't feel as though you're gonna get rejected just for being yourself and following your heart. You're still loved regardless. It's hard as a kid when the expectations placed on you are high bar, yet you're consistently being told you're nothing, will amount to nothing. Your life is a contradiction and you don't know what to believe, so, instead of stopping loving them you stop loving yourself." Perhaps you need to consider whether the problem lies not with you P, but her. It's not normal for a parent to continually belittle their child, and certainly not into adulthood. It's your misplaced sense of duty that keeps you constantly trying to please, and turning the blame on yourself. | |||
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"You can't spend your time trying to meet and please your parents. I completely done the opposite of what was expected of me and it worked out great. I've great parents, but what do they know? They can expect all they like but it's you that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, not them. Like you say, you've got great parents who I'd say by what you've written accept you regardless. Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us grew up in households where "love" seemed and was conditional and you only got something that resembled it when you met certain targets or behaved certain ways. Not in the same way as puppy training believe me. It was and is cold. And that hurt child who never learnt how to deal with or express emotion in a healthy way has to make adult decisions whilst deep down still craving acceptance and love from the parent who's unwilling or incapable of giving it. It's like cutting off your own limb with gangrene that you wish would just produce some healthy flesh and give you some hope. Obviously for a young child not being shown love and attention will have an effect. But I think alot of focus is put on parents expectations. The type of person I am is basically to do as I please and if my parents didn't approve, that's just tough. Lots of love and affection growing up or none it would make no difference to me. I wouldn't say my parents are overly proud of me , but at the end of the day what has anything got to do with them? I'm just trying to explain that without the love, approval and acceptance as a child, it manifests into a lack of confidence in decision making, a large portion of not really knowing who you are or what you want vs what you need or both, and a whole lot of trying to people please for the wrong or for subconscious reasons. Yours may not be overly proud but I can tell you feel accepted and don't feel as though you're gonna get rejected just for being yourself and following your heart. You're still loved regardless. It's hard as a kid when the expectations placed on you are high bar, yet you're consistently being told you're nothing, will amount to nothing. Your life is a contradiction and you don't know what to believe, so, instead of stopping loving them you stop loving yourself. There is no contradiction. It's simple, I don't see why anyone would really care what their parents think of them. It's pointless. Good bad or indifferent upbringing. You make the best with the card's your dealt. If I had of had a bad upbringing, that would spur me on even more. Your parents only do so much positively or negatively and at some stage how to your life turns out is down to you. As an adult I couldn't care less what opinion they have of me." When I said your life, I referenced my own. That's what this thread is about, cutting ties. Sometimes it takes an awful lot of introspection and what feels at the time like selfishness to make the break from parents. It isn't selfishness, it's finally showing some self love, which, comes back to my point about those with difficult upbringings not learning self love because it's been knocked out of them from an early age. There is an awful lot of psychology behind it, and it's not as simple as not caring what your parents may think for many many people. I'm glad you had the love to be confident in your own decisions and sense of worth. | |||
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"You can't spend your time trying to meet and please your parents. I completely done the opposite of what was expected of me and it worked out great. I've great parents, but what do they know? They can expect all they like but it's you that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, not them. Like you say, you've got great parents who I'd say by what you've written accept you regardless. Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us grew up in households where "love" seemed and was conditional and you only got something that resembled it when you met certain targets or behaved certain ways. Not in the same way as puppy training believe me. It was and is cold. And that hurt child who never learnt how to deal with or express emotion in a healthy way has to make adult decisions whilst deep down still craving acceptance and love from the parent who's unwilling or incapable of giving it. It's like cutting off your own limb with gangrene that you wish would just produce some healthy flesh and give you some hope. Obviously for a young child not being shown love and attention will have an effect. But I think alot of focus is put on parents expectations. The type of person I am is basically to do as I please and if my parents didn't approve, that's just tough. Lots of love and affection growing up or none it would make no difference to me. I wouldn't say my parents are overly proud of me , but at the end of the day what has anything got to do with them? I'm just trying to explain that without the love, approval and acceptance as a child, it manifests into a lack of confidence in decision making, a large portion of not really knowing who you are or what you want vs what you need or both, and a whole lot of trying to people please for the wrong or for subconscious reasons. Yours may not be overly proud but I can tell you feel accepted and don't feel as though you're gonna get rejected just for being yourself and following your heart. You're still loved regardless. It's hard as a kid when the expectations placed on you are high bar, yet you're consistently being told you're nothing, will amount to nothing. Your life is a contradiction and you don't know what to believe, so, instead of stopping loving them you stop loving yourself. Perhaps you need to consider whether the problem lies not with you P, but her. It's not normal for a parent to continually belittle their child, and certainly not into adulthood. It's your misplaced sense of duty that keeps you constantly trying to please, and turning the blame on yourself. " She's pretty much gone from my life. As I said in my personal response to the question we text occasionally and that's it. I've not seen her in 15 years and truthfully can't say I'd want to. If I believed we could sit down and have a conversation where she could admit some shit and the impact then yeah, I'd consider it. Just an apology would do but that's not gonna happen, it ain't in her make up. I do bare the scars of her problems, that's something I've battled with for a very long time, and I truly believe why relationships I get into are toxic or unhealthy. It's easy to say recognise the red flags and run, but the truth is when red flags are all you've known, they can be hard to recognise coz they're normalised. | |||
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"My dad is totally indifferent to anything I do or say so I'll never disappoint him but likewise will never make him proud. My mum is a major narcissist and in her eyes I will never be as good as my older brother! She is disappointed that I'm not married with children, she disapproves of my job, I'm too fat, I'm too sarcastic, I'm too emotional (that was because I cried at my uncle's funeral) etc. I'm studying for a degree (for my dream job) last year I got a 2.1 but even that wasn't good enough as it wasn't a first. I've solved the issue by just not telling her anything about my life, my friends are more like my family! Sorry for that rant, I feel sooo much better getting that off my chest " Well done you for your achievements despite adversity. That's all that matters. | |||
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"You can't spend your time trying to meet and please your parents. I completely done the opposite of what was expected of me and it worked out great. I've great parents, but what do they know? They can expect all they like but it's you that has to live with the consequences of your decisions, not them. Like you say, you've got great parents who I'd say by what you've written accept you regardless. Not all of us are that lucky. Some of us grew up in households where "love" seemed and was conditional and you only got something that resembled it when you met certain targets or behaved certain ways. Not in the same way as puppy training believe me. It was and is cold. And that hurt child who never learnt how to deal with or express emotion in a healthy way has to make adult decisions whilst deep down still craving acceptance and love from the parent who's unwilling or incapable of giving it. It's like cutting off your own limb with gangrene that you wish would just produce some healthy flesh and give you some hope. Obviously for a young child not being shown love and attention will have an effect. But I think alot of focus is put on parents expectations. The type of person I am is basically to do as I please and if my parents didn't approve, that's just tough. Lots of love and affection growing up or none it would make no difference to me. I wouldn't say my parents are overly proud of me , but at the end of the day what has anything got to do with them? I'm just trying to explain that without the love, approval and acceptance as a child, it manifests into a lack of confidence in decision making, a large portion of not really knowing who you are or what you want vs what you need or both, and a whole lot of trying to people please for the wrong or for subconscious reasons. Yours may not be overly proud but I can tell you feel accepted and don't feel as though you're gonna get rejected just for being yourself and following your heart. You're still loved regardless. It's hard as a kid when the expectations placed on you are high bar, yet you're consistently being told you're nothing, will amount to nothing. Your life is a contradiction and you don't know what to believe, so, instead of stopping loving them you stop loving yourself. Perhaps you need to consider whether the problem lies not with you P, but her. It's not normal for a parent to continually belittle their child, and certainly not into adulthood. It's your misplaced sense of duty that keeps you constantly trying to please, and turning the blame on yourself. She's pretty much gone from my life. As I said in my personal response to the question we text occasionally and that's it. I've not seen her in 15 years and truthfully can't say I'd want to. If I believed we could sit down and have a conversation where she could admit some shit and the impact then yeah, I'd consider it. Just an apology would do but that's not gonna happen, it ain't in her make up. I do bare the scars of her problems, that's something I've battled with for a very long time, and I truly believe why relationships I get into are toxic or unhealthy. It's easy to say recognise the red flags and run, but the truth is when red flags are all you've known, they can be hard to recognise coz they're normalised. " Very sorry to go hear that I wish you well. | |||
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"I was a disappointment as soon as I was born. I was their last chance for a son Still had a wonderful childhood though " Well I for one am glad you were born and there are plenty of people who will think the same including your hubby | |||
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"Quite depressing reading some of these. It's not so bad. We learn from our parents mistakes, or what we perceive as their mistakes and try not to replicate them. I always made sure I was supportive of my kids in their ambitions, without trying to push them in a particular direction. Their ambitions, not mine. My constant thread of advice was, just be happy in what you do. They both followed their dreams so were self motivating and are both very successful." My view exactly! | |||
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