FabSwingers.com forum: Hidden profile

By *urvySub87 OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

Why do guys think its OK to send messages to a profile that's hidden. The whole point of hiding my profile is because I don't want to be bothered. Just mooch around the forums.

Rant over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

42.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could just filter them out *shurgs* I heard that if you just wink itll open your inbox to that one person. Or message them yourself if its someone youd like to engage with who happens to have a peenee between their legs

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"Why do guys think its OK to send messages to a profile that's hidden. The whole point of hiding my profile is because I don't want to be bothered. Just mooch around the forums.

Rant over"

I didn't know you could unless they were your friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FaF?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just block all men then.

It's only a pm. No one took a shite on your front door step.

....though to be fair there's probably some that would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the "Reply privately" option in the forum bypasses the hidden profile setting without people knowing you're hidden, but not the filters. So we can't message you. Maybe set your filter to only receive messages from people aged 87?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the 99-99 filter

Spot on

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

There's worse things to have a rant over,did you not find them attractive then?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why wouldn't they think it's ok if you have your filters open so you can receive mail? If you don't want mail then block people from messaging.

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By *urvySub87 OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

"There's worse things to have a rant over,did you not find them attractive then?!"

No face pic so wouldn't know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the "Reply privately" option in the forum bypasses the hidden profile setting without people knowing you're hidden, but not the filters. So we can't message you. Maybe set your filter to only receive messages from people aged 87?

I didn't know people could bypass like this. Good to know!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The nerve of a guy messaging someone on a swinging site, whatever next.

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By *ouplecu2015Couple
over a year ago

Reading

Even being looked at by a profile that I then go to look at and I find it hidden is not nice

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By *ixi n DogCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

It's only a pm. No one took a shite on your front door step.

....though to be fair there's probably some that would. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The nerve of a guy messaging someone on a swinging site, whatever next. "

Tbf if I had hidden my profile I'd think I was safe from messages for a while? Only friends could message, or so I thought. I didn't know people could bypass via the forum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could just adjust your filters so people can't message you.

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By *urvySub87 OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

"The nerve of a guy messaging someone on a swinging site, whatever next.

Tbf if I had hidden my profile I'd think I was safe from messages for a while? Only friends could message, or so I thought. I didn't know people could bypass via the forum. "

Exactly this. I thought that the whole point of hiding your profile was to take a break. When you go to delete your profile it suggests taking a break and hiding your profile instead. Why is it so wrong to think others should respect this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The nerve of a guy messaging someone on a swinging site, whatever next.

Tbf if I had hidden my profile I'd think I was safe from messages for a while? Only friends could message, or so I thought. I didn't know people could bypass via the forum.

It's this site. All you can do is use the tools to get the experience you want. If I'm getting cross at messages, I turn them off from men. I don't want to get cross or cynical.

Tbf anyone can message you via the forum and not know you've hidden your profile. It's a bit of a glitch!

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago

CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. THE MOORLANDS. BARMOUTH.

I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's worse things to have a rant over,did you not find them attractive then?!

No face pic so wouldn't know "

When you hide the demands for a face pic with 1st message and all the "no this, no that...etc." they can't guess what you want or don't want. God loves a trier

Btw only people with hidden profiles I've ever messaged are people I've chatted with before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

If someone has found it's got a bit much and they hide their profile that's up to them isn't it. I do it regularly. People can do what they like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested. "

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

Huh?

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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago

CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. THE MOORLANDS. BARMOUTH.

"I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

If someone has found it's got a bit much and they hide their profile that's up to them isn't it. I do it regularly. People can do what they like. "

But can't say what they like in an open forum. Diversity and differing opinions are the spice of life. Allow people differing opinions.......or ....hang on couples can't have opinions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

If someone has found it's got a bit much and they hide their profile that's up to them isn't it. I do it regularly. People can do what they like. "

Exactly this. People should use the site how they wish and let others run their profiles how they wish and use this site how they wish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

If someone has found it's got a bit much and they hide their profile that's up to them isn't it. I do it regularly. People can do what they like.

But can't say what they like in an open forum. Diversity and differing opinions are the spice of life. Allow people differing opinions.......or ....hang on couples can't have opinions

You just said exactly what you wanted to say. As did I.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

Huh? "

Sorry, did you find that difficult to understand ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't know people could bypass like this. Good to know!"

It can't by pass filters but it would mean that somebody wouldn't necessarily know the profile is hidden is hidden

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The nerve of a guy messaging someone on a swinging site, whatever next.

Tbf if I had hidden my profile I'd think I was safe from messages for a while? Only friends could message, or so I thought. I didn't know people could bypass via the forum.

It's not wrong at all.

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By *ensual-dominant-passionMan
over a year ago

sheffield

Suppose there’s nothing wrong with someone trying their luck… you never know it might be someone who you end up fancying?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

If someone has found it's got a bit much and they hide their profile that's up to them isn't it. I do it regularly. People can do what they like.

But can't say what they like in an open forum. Diversity and differing opinions are the spice of life. Allow people differing opinions.......or ....hang on couples can't have opinions

Yes of course and she didn't say you couldn't have an opinion. Forums are for discussions which is what they say is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

Huh?

Sorry, did you find that difficult to understand ? "

It's late. Yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

Huh?

Sorry, did you find that difficult to understand ?

It's late. Yes.

Guys offering to suck my cock, Nada. Not for me.

It specifies I'm straight on my profile. I hope that's a bit easier to understand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

What is a Swinger?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

Huh?

Sorry, did you find that difficult to understand ?

It's late. Yes.

Guys offering to suck my cock, Nada. Not for me.

It specifies I'm straight on my profile. I hope that's a bit easier to understand

I'm sure you don't mean to sound patronising?

"Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji "

Makes no sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

What is a Swinger?"

You're harder to spot without your crisps

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"The nerve of a guy messaging someone on a swinging site, whatever next.

Tbf if I had hidden my profile I'd think I was safe from messages for a while? Only friends could message, or so I thought. I didn't know people could bypass via the forum.

If someone hits "reply privately" in the forum, they have no way of knowing that your profile is hidden, unless they try clicking on your profile beforehand. The error is not with the sender, but with the design of the site that permits hidden profiles to be messaged from the forum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

Huh?

Sorry, did you find that difficult to understand ?

It's late. Yes.

Guys offering to suck my cock, Nada. Not for me.

It specifies I'm straight on my profile. I hope that's a bit easier to understand

I'm sure you don't mean to sound patronising?

"Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji "

Makes no sense

Not patronising at all, maybe a bit misunderstood by the use of text and my attempt at humour

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By *elly72Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

Worse when you get a message from a hidden profile yeah that goes straight to delete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Worse when you get a message from a hidden profile yeah that goes straight to delete"

Yes! I've never understood why somebody who has hidden their profile would expect anybody to reply to their message if it's a first one or someone they don't know well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

Huh?

Sorry, did you find that difficult to understand ?

It's late. Yes.

Guys offering to suck my cock, Nada. Not for me.

It specifies I'm straight on my profile. I hope that's a bit easier to understand

I'm sure you don't mean to sound patronising?

"Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji "

Makes no sense

Not patronising at all, maybe a bit misunderstood by the use of text and my attempt at humour

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Same reason they ask to suck my cock, when it clearly says I’m not interested.

I need to block guys messaging me

Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji

Huh?

Sorry, did you find that difficult to understand ?

It's late. Yes.

Guys offering to suck my cock, Nada. Not for me.

It specifies I'm straight on my profile. I hope that's a bit easier to understand

I'm sure you don't mean to sound patronising?

"Maybe not quite as forward, but if it was a woman I would definitely use a different emoji "

Makes no sense

Not patronising at all, maybe a bit misunderstood by the use of text and my attempt at humour

Thank you

Thank you for understanding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think youre maybe mistaking hiding your profile with going incognito. I believe from the site owners perspective and given how it says "taking a break" when you hide your profile, they didnt intend for you to still be hanging around on the forums. Its not much of a break when you hide your profile to still be actively posting on the forum.

But hey we cant have everything in life go our way...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think youre maybe mistaking hiding your profile with going incognito. I believe from the site owners perspective and given how it says "taking a break" when you hide your profile, they didnt intend for you to still be hanging around on the forums. Its not much of a break when you hide your profile to still be actively posting on the forum.

But hey we cant have everything in life go our way..."

I think for many women just not being winked, friend requested and messaged by men for a while IS the break. Forum is the fun. Now I know people can still message via forum threads I will also turn off messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But hey we cant have everything in life go our way...

Well friend requests and winks can be easy to ignore, especially with mass deletes, as for inboxing then message filters can still be applied. I cant message some forumites due to their filters and i cant message them either by replying privately through the a thread, it will still block me.

Men are men, many of them will think with their dicks, but at the same time a certain level of responsibility should be taken by the recipient when it comes to being spammed with unwanted attention, be them friend invites, winks or messages. Cant just throw all the blame at men and not take any responsibility for failing to put extra measures in place to gain some level of peace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But hey we cant have everything in life go our way..."

Yeah we should just close the doors and sit in silence if we want a break.

If they are online, women should be up for sex and chat with everyone, any time, no matter what.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Go for it ...your profile .. your rules

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think many guys would welcome the attention and shows the disparity between the genders on the site.

I would not go to the length of hiding my profile but what I have done now is blocked the genders I am not interested in meeting.

Also many people have filters on such as only SS can message which helps in controlling the traffic into their inbox.

The site offers solutions but I was not aware that if profiles are hidden you can still message via a forum thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But hey we cant have everything in life go our way...

Yeah we should just close the doors and sit in silence if we want a break.

If they are online, women should be up for sex and chat with everyone, any time, no matter what. "

Dont go putting words in my mouth.

I said the OP could be mistaking the functions of the site that were put in place by the site owners who had a particular idea for their intended purpose.

Nothing i said implies that a woman who is online is always going to be looking for sex.

Its just part of the experience of using a site like this. Youre going to get unwanted attention if you dont put measures in place to prevent that attention, hiding your profile doesnt fix all of your problems. If your filters do not block certain ppl from messaging you, messages that are unwanted, then the recipient needs to take SOME responsibility in that rather than shift ALL the blame onto others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But hey we cant have everything in life go our way...

When did I blame men? Please point to where I said that, where I said anything negative about men. Happy to wait.

It is apparently not well known that people can private message a hidden profile as several people on this thread have said. Now I know I will take an extra step to gain some peace. The OP and I both thought we were already taking responsibility by hiding our profiles regularly. It isn't your place to tell me whether something is easy to ignore (how would you know what it feels like?). So please don't lecture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think many guys would welcome the attention and shows the disparity between the genders on the site.

I would not go to the length of hiding my profile but what I have done now is blocked the genders I am not interested in meeting.

Also many people have filters on such as only SS can message which helps in controlling the traffic into their inbox.

The site offers solutions but I was not aware that if profiles are hidden you can still message via a forum thread. "

What does SS stand for?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I have been in conversation with someone for several days, I think that is acceptable? Always nice to check they are ok.

It’s ok not to be ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I have been in conversation with someone for several days, I think that is acceptable? Always nice to check they are ok.

It’s ok not to be ok. "

The OP was talking about new people being able to message, I believe?

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

Crumbs this threads a bit ott

Sometimes I hide my profile when I’m going back home incase I get a neighbour sliding into my DMs and telling my mum I’m a pervert. It doesn’t mean I’m not happy to receive messages though.

Different actions mean different things for other people OP. As others have suggested, filters are the best bet if you don’t want messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But hey we cant have everything in life go our way...

When did I blame men? Please point to where I said that, where I said anything negative about men. Happy to wait.

Im not lecturing you. Am i not allowed to give a conflicting opinion that suggests i dont totally agree with everything youve said?

Saying that its men to blame may be an assumption on my mpart, but i have never seen women complaining about other women soamming them with unwanted attention. Hence its an easy conclusion to make that this is about men not respecting other womens needs as they use the site

As i said hiding your profile wont solve all of your problems, if you dint want unwanted attention then yes you need to take some extra steps to ensure that. Expecting everyone to know exactly what you want when you hide your profile isnt being very realistic. As for taking responsibility, if there are certain ppl you dont want messaging you, be it their age, sex, sexuality etc. Then you should be putting those things in place, such as message filters. Those filters can be changed whenever you wish.

And again as i said, those message filters cant be bypassed by strangers, and i said that there are forumites who post regularly but i still cant message them due to those filters being in place.

And i know what its like to get unwanted attention, theres a side to me the vast majority of you have not seen, so i have been on the receiving end of being spammed with friend invites, winks and distasteful messages, abuse when rejecting them etc. And practically all of that i had received from men. Just because i look like a guy at this moment in time from looking at my profile, doesnt mean i have no clue what many women go through, ive experienced similar treatment.. AND NOT WHILE I WAS IDENTIFYING AS A MAN.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

If you want to go incognito it’s best to use the filters then no one can get through unless you have messaged each other in the past, I’ve used it for years and don’t have any issues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think many guys would welcome the attention and shows the disparity between the genders on the site.

I would not go to the length of hiding my profile but what I have done now is blocked the genders I am not interested in meeting.

Also many people have filters on such as only SS can message which helps in controlling the traffic into their inbox.

The site offers solutions but I was not aware that if profiles are hidden you can still message via a forum thread.

What does SS stand for? "

Site supporter, I believe you have that filter in use.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

There’s always chancers so why would you think they would even care if you was hidden

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You could just adjust your filters so people can't message you."

This

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think many guys would welcome the attention and shows the disparity between the genders on the site.

I would not go to the length of hiding my profile but what I have done now is blocked the genders I am not interested in meeting.

Also many people have filters on such as only SS can message which helps in controlling the traffic into their inbox.

The site offers solutions but I was not aware that if profiles are hidden you can still message via a forum thread.

What does SS stand for?

Site supporter, I believe you have that filter in use. "

Oh d'oh

Yes I use that filter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But hey we cant have everything in life go our way...

When did I blame men? Please point to where I said that, where I said anything negative about men. Happy to wait.

Im not lecturing you. Am i not allowed to give a conflicting opinion that suggests i dont totally agree with everything youve said?

And again as i said, those message filters cant be bypassed by strangers, and i said that there are forumites who post regularly but i still cant message them due to those filters being in place.

You've assumed I am blaming men when I wasn't. You've told me that I shouldn't mind receiving lots of winks and friend requests. Now you're instructing me how to use the site. I do not care what you identify as. Putting the sentence in caps is rude. You can disagree without being rude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There’s always chancers so why would you think they would even care if you was hidden"

Unfortunately!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A hidden profile to me means leave well alone. Unless its a friend and then its a quick 'u ok' message sent. The best is when you get messages when hidden saying so what you looking for? I cant tell, as you have no profile

I dont want to use filters particulary because an interesting forum person might try message me and I wouldnt know. Good job we can all use the tools at our disposal any way we like really isnt it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You've assumed I am blaming men when I wasn't. You've told me that I shouldn't mind receiving lots of winks and friend requests. Now you're instructing me how to use the site. I do not care what you identify as. Putting the sentence in caps is rude. You can disagree without being rude. "

Okay so who are you blaming then? If its not men. Do you get women sending you unwanted messages? And given that you have said, 18 hours ago in a previous comment, if you get crossed at messages you turn them off from men, its only safe to assume that it is men who are giving you unwanted attention, and blaming men for not understanding your needs when you hide your profile.

I didnt say you shouldnt mind, i said you can easily ignore them. You receive 50 winks, dont look at them or simpy mass delete. Is receiving a wink really such a horrible thing? And if you do receive a lot of winks, thats just the nature of having a site that has a very high ratio of men (who i presume are the ones winking at you).

Im offering you advice how to prevent yourself from receiving unwanted attention, im not telling you what to do, do whatever you want at the end of the day.

I wrote that in caps to emphasise the fact, writing something caps doesnt make it rude. Id have used bold font in lowercase if i could, caps are an alternative.

And you assumed i dont understand your problems, "how can you possibly know what it feels like".. i very much do know what it feels like. Its not what you care about what i identify as, its that you assumed that me (currently identifying) as a man means i somehow cannot understand your problems and therefore have no right to give an opinion on the matter.

Im not going to get into an argument if youre going to be defensive and get into a stand off. I gave my opinion and simply said what i feel about the issue at hand.

You hide your profile, you may (or may not) have filters in place, youre still going to get unwanted attention in some way or other. Its just part of the experience of the site in its current format with the tools we have. If someone doesnt have filters on, then to some degree they should bare some responsibility for receiving unwanted messages for allowing that to happen, not blaming everyone else for it happening.

All im trying to say is dont expect everything to work in the ways you want it to given how (in my opinion) dated the sites tools and functions are. You cant expect everyone (men OR women) to understand what you want when you have hidden your profile.

Thats all i have to say on this matter and stepping out from this before it possibly gets ugly. Agree to disagree and call it at that.

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By *urvySub87 OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

"I never understand why people are on fab but hide their profiles. We think Fabs needs a big shake up and reassess why it calls itself fabswingers. Most people here are far from swingers

For me personally it's because of multiple bereavements in the family and mental health issues. I needed a break. I'll be back after Xmas

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Why wouldn't they think it's ok if you have your filters open so you can receive mail? If you don't want mail then block people from messaging. "

This. If I message from the forums I probably wouldn’t even look if it’s hidden.

Best to block

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im offering you advice how to prevent yourself from receiving unwanted attention, im not telling you what to do, do whatever you want at the end of the day.

I wrote that in caps to emphasise the fact, writing something caps doesnt make it rude. Id have used bold font in lowercase if i could, caps are an alternative.

Im not going to get into an argument if youre going to be defensive and get into a stand off. I gave my opinion and simply said what i feel about the issue at hand.

Thats all i have to say on this matter and stepping out from this before it possibly gets ugly. Agree to disagree and call it at that."

You just seem to be looking for friction and a chance to berate me. I haven't blamed anyone, I haven't complained. I've said I didn't know about a "hack" that other people also didn't know about. Yes, please step out.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

It's almost impossible for me to message hidden profiles because they don't show up on searches. How does one personalise a message to a profile that is hidden? And they've hidden themselves for good reasons...

However, I have on two exceptions messaged women whose profile was hidden:

Initially they weren't hidden when I added them to my Hotlist.

I was distracted by life outside of Fab and therefore would draft my messages intermittently and then save them in their profile's 'Fab Notes'.

I noticed that they logged in frequently but rarely 'revealed' themselves.

So I just took a leap of faith and, with best intentions, sent my message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like your 14th April picture OP

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