FabSwingers.com forum: The undatable

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Woke up feeling pretty okay but then with some stuff happening lately, I’m having a introspective moment

More particularly about the whole dating scene and thinking how the past year or so,

has gone for me.

As I’ve been contacted by a previous flame who said he’s started dating this girl and she’s the one… so he kindly asked me that any pic of us together to be deleted. Just in case (which is fair, but also kinda rude?!)

Of course, I am not particularly looking to get into a relationship at the moment, but still, I kinda long that feeling of being with someone from time to time. And what’s happened kinda made me think and wonder my “DATE-ability” (is that even a word?)

Okay I did have proper relationships before, so I guess I’m not totally undatable but this year has been revealing. To say the least

With guys telling me (in person while chilling)

For example

“You are so pretty, but I wouldn’t date you - I don’t think I could introduce you to my mates”

Errr fankss??

“If only you were cis, I’m sure you’d have found a life partner so easy and would have kids by now”

Errrr what’s that supposed to mean??!!

And I won’t even mention those who are obsessed purely by the fact that I’m me. Those get binned right away as I’m not a Pokémon card to collect.

I thought I had found a bit of light , but he’s kinda revealing himself to be a bit of a fuck boy (surprise, surprise!!! Another one)

I don’t know what my point is, except … does anyone else feel kinda undatable? Or somehow that the tide is going against them ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling low on yourself when it comes to the dating aspect. I think when it's been a while it's easy to hone in on what isn't so good about yourself and why people won't date you that it can create a negative mindset that's hard to come out of and can really put you off dating altogether.

I feel like that on occasion where I wonder what I consider a routine, others consider boring and that I'm not exciting enough to date and don't inspire that spark in other people. But for every woman that desires a spark, I'm sure there are a few who enjoy the low maintenance side of things... I hope

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling low on yourself when it comes to the dating aspect. I think when it's been a while it's easy to hone in on what isn't so good about yourself and why people won't date you that it can create a negative mindset that's hard to come out of and can really put you off dating altogether.

I guess it’s just a bit discouraging when you struggle to see your lovable worth x I don’t know it’s just one of them days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big hug Kylie x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs. I think we need to have a day trip out to buy some jewellery then grab a drink whilst we watch the scaffolders across the road

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Ah Chuck

yes I totally feel like this!! But this is a deflection based on other people’s poor choices. Don’t place your worth on how others behave. You are enough just as you are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big hugs kylie.

I feel undateable so hear what you’re saying.

Only good for a fuck but never a date.

Doesn’t make you feel good and then I do start questioning myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly, its not rude at all for someone to ask for previous photos you have together to be deleted. You may want to keep them to reminisce on old times, but for them its a reassurance, and may even be part of a mutual agreement between them and their new partner. For some its off-putting knowing theres someone else out there with pics of their partner

Secondly, youre not undateable, the ppl you seem to keep finding yourself with are the undateables as their perceptions of you (and likely many other ppl) are degrading, they perceive you more as a 'thing' rather than another human being. Theyll likely struggle to find meaningful relationships themselves because they lack that ability to see another human being rather than a depository

I suggest you focus more on someones character before agreeing to meet with them even on a non-sexual basis. Or try assess who they are in person before taking it to a sexual level with them. The right ppl you want, who value you as a human being, and not a "kink" to cross off their bucket list, they will want to be around you for who you are as an individual, they wont be afraid to show you off in front of their friends and family

At the end of the day, you want to have ppl in your life who make you feel good in your heart and mind, before they make you feel good sexually

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hugs. I think we need to have a day trip out to buy some jewellery then grab a drink whilst we watch the scaffolders across the road

Errr jewellery shopping and thirsting over fit scaffs???!… that sound like my fave hobby! Haha we need to!!

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By *ixi n DogCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

Keep tryin', you'll find you counterpart at some point!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Firstly, its not rude at all for someone to ask for previous photos you have together to be deleted. You may want to keep them to reminisce on old times, but for them its a reassurance, and may even be part of a mutual agreement between them and their new partner. For some its off-putting knowing theres someone else out there with pics of their partner

At the end of the day, you want to have ppl in your life who make you feel good in your heart and mind, before they make you feel good sexually "

Obviously I proceeded to delete the pics that wasn’t an issue at all, I just found the whole thing a bit … distasteful and in my mind was like… bet it’s because you just wanna make sure that your new flame doesn’t find out who you been messing about with.

But maybe I’m just making it up in my mind. And maybe he asked all his past girls the same?

Regarding the rest, I agree. I guess it was meant for fun anyway so I guess they had that mentality to begin with.

It’s just the playfield I’m in, I feel like there’s progress but also not so much progress in term of stigma with associating with girls like me.

Some don’t care, some do from the get go (which I appreciate as at least we aren’t getting involved into a doomed thing), some say they don’t but then they do and they’d leave you in the “secret” limbo

I don’t know. I just want to be seen as a human being. No more no less. Not as an exotic creature , and not as less because of how I was assigned at birth.

Man, life!! What a mess

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

It’s always hard finding out someone you like has moved on with someone else.

You are a beautiful woman inside and out from what I’ve seen on here so try not to think negatively about yourself like that. I know from my own experiences it’s so easy to get stuck in your own head about it.

Things that help me that might help you too are:

1. Try to retrain your thinking about them being with someone else “more worthy/dateable” than you. It’s not you that isn’t dateable, it’s that they aren’t worthy of your qualities and are freeing you to find someone who is when the time is right for you.

2. When I’m feeling like this I try to occupy myself with something else to distract my thoughts until I’m ready to journal into what made me feel that way so I can handle it better next time.

3. I invested in a pregnancy pillow & a weighted blanket. This sounds crazy but the U shaped giant pillow fits around me like a big squishy hug and the weighted blanket it comforting and relaxing so it makes me feel like I’m getting hugged physically even though I’m alone.

It’s all a bit hippie like and waffly I know but changing perspective really helps me reframe my thoughts and reactions a lot more quickly than I used to.

I really hope you feel better soon (hugs)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Big hugs kylie.

I feel undateable so hear what you’re saying.

Only good for a fuck but never a date.

Doesn’t make you feel good and then I do start questioning myself"

I’m sorry you feel the same way but also I am reassured that I’m not the only one to feel this way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s always hard finding out someone you like has moved on with someone else.

Things that help me that might help you too are:

2. When I’m feeling like this I try to occupy myself with something else to distract my thoughts until I’m ready to journal into what made me feel that way so I can handle it better next time.

It’s all a bit hippie like and waffly I know but changing perspective really helps me reframe my thoughts and reactions a lot more quickly than I used to.

I really hope you feel better soon (hugs)

Thanks lovely for the super kind words!!

And I agree with your tips!! I’m going to the hairdressers today with one my bestie and then off for pizza so I’m sure this downer spell will soon be over!

Also I neee to invest in that pillow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a break from it all

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

"It’s always hard finding out someone you like has moved on with someone else.

Things that help me that might help you too are:

2. When I’m feeling like this I try to occupy myself with something else to distract my thoughts until I’m ready to journal into what made me feel that way so I can handle it better next time.

It’s all a bit hippie like and waffly I know but changing perspective really helps me reframe my thoughts and reactions a lot more quickly than I used to.

I really hope you feel better soon (hugs)

Thanks lovely for the super kind words!!

And I agree with your tips!! I’m going to the hairdressers today with one my bestie and then off for pizza so I’m sure this downer spell will soon be over!

Also I neee to invest in that pillow

New hair always lifts the moods

I got mine on Wowcher for about £15 with a removable washable cover. They’ve loads on there…have a lovely day beautiful

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By *olourpurpleMan
over a year ago

Waterford

Dating can be really tough. But keep trying and you’ll find someone who is worth all of the effort.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs

Its all perfectly natural to feel that way, you are looking for someone to invest in and that's amazing, ignore all negativity and concentrate on yourself as you are an amazing human being.

Remember labels are only there to divide, even the ones we put there ourselves x

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I am sorry that you’re feeling that way OP, the last couple of years have been rough and tough for most, the constant uncertainty has brought out the best and the worse in people… You’re merely a slip of a girl with plenty of time ahead to meet “the one”.

You’ve had relationships in the past and not currently actively looking so I feel that enjoying the moment, taking each day as they come until your knight in shining armour burst through your door is a viable course of action.

Oh and I’m totally updatable but I have come to term with that fact , at my grand old age it doesn’t seem to be essential to be in a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dating can be really tough. But keep trying and you’ll find someone who is worth all of the effort. "

I’m not even particularly looking to be in a relationship, in all fairness. Unless it happened organically somehow. I’m not really going for a partner

But it’s just the shit that some people said that make me doubt my worth as a woman and what I have to offer and if I am dateable or just good for those 2-3 things Only

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Stop trying to find it and it will come.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best person to date you is you. Start with self love and Anyone else is a bonus.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Stop trying to find it and it will come. "

I’m seriously not actively looking. Thought there was a little something , but as said, the hot and cold is giving me red flags

But when we get together it’s dynamite (take the sex out) so that’s what’s thrown me off. And made me think he’s different from the rest. But yeah , I’m doubting it now.

I’m not over thinking it but .. what a bummer!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The best person to date you is you. Start with self love and Anyone else is a bonus. "

Mantra! I need to get this tattooed on my forehead

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By *olourpurpleMan
over a year ago

Waterford

"Dating can be really tough. But keep trying and you’ll find someone who is worth all of the effort.

I’m not even particularly looking to be in a relationship, in all fairness. Unless it happened organically somehow. I’m not really going for a partner

But it’s just the shit that some people said that make me doubt my worth as a woman and what I have to offer and if I am dateable or just good for those 2-3 things Only

It’s just a few idiots saying nasty things. You can’t let them drag you down. There’s no reason why you wouldn’t be datable.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I feel like this but from a different angle.

My "reason" for being undatable is that I expect more from people than people have the capacity to give, which is shite really as I didn't want much other than honesty, integrity, loyalty, and a strong moral code.

The world has changed so much over the last 20 years technology wise that I'm not sure humankind can keep up relationship wise. People are overstimulated practically the entire time they're awake and don't even realise it. Everything is at their fingertips which, unfortunately includes temptation and other options.

I mean, we all hear it all the time... "do what makes you happy" and many are simply doing exactly that, leaving a whirlwind of destruction along the way without a second thought.

Only way I'd date properly again was if things went back to the "olden days" and folks had to make real effort to cheat or invest in other people instead of being able to do it whilst visiting the toilet, or when you're sleeping next to them.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

It seems the more I look the less I find.

Seems I'll be the old bloke with a cat. Least I'll be stroking apussy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel like this but from a different angle.

I mean, we all hear it all the time... "do what makes you happy" and many are simply doing exactly that, leaving a whirlwind of destruction along the way without a second thought.

Totally see your point Beaut!! X it is a good point that we are OVER stimulated and there’s such temptation around. Especially if we get bored

I admit I fall sometimes for the boredom trap and I’m trying to channel that boredom or need for “change” in a more positive way.

So new hobbies, learn new things etc

Instead of self indulging in carnal temptations or even spending money on shit I don’t need! Kinda similar ??!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I feel on the shelf. I dont think anyone could love me long term although I am fuckable, apparently.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Hugs

It's cliche, but Mr.Right one will come to your life when you least expect it and only then you will realise why it didn't work out with anyone else.

I was always just a toy for men, they were always ashamed of spending time with me in public. My longest relationship before I met L was just one year long and even that was LDR for the better part of it.

Well, I joined fab when I was heartbroken once again and fed up with men. I wanted to explore my bi side more and use men the same way they used to use me. It did not work out as planned and now I'm getting married to a guy I met on Fab.

What is meant to be will always find it's way to you.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Kinda off topic but I love the undateable series

Some parts are so cringe it hurts

Some parts are so awwww it hurts

And I’ve cried happy and sad tears at it.

What a lovely series.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dating can be really tough. But keep trying and you’ll find someone who is worth all of the effort.

I’m not even particularly looking to be in a relationship, in all fairness. Unless it happened organically somehow. I’m not really going for a partner

But it’s just the shit that some people said that make me doubt my worth as a woman and what I have to offer and if I am dateable or just good for those 2-3 things Only

It’s just a few idiots saying nasty things. You can’t let them drag you down. There’s no reason why you wouldn’t be datable. "

Yeah I know, I guess they hit where my insecurities lie. So I question myself to this day as there’s part of me who will always “cry” for not being born in the “right” body to begin with

So literally, kick the wound where it hurts

If it makes any sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aw, Kylie, this could have been me writing this. I’ve been on a similar low of late.

I’m the same, in that I’m not looking for a full on relationship at the moment. I guess I’d be open to one if it happened, but I’m not really looking atm.

You are truly gorgeous. I so wish I’d done this when I was your age rather than waiting until my body and face had been trashed by years of the wrong hormone balance.

On a positive; I’ve just had coffee with a lovely sexy man 16 years my junior in a local bar. Chatting and kissing without a care in the world. Who knows. I may have found my fb.

You’re so far from undateable. You’re very popular on here and there’s clearly plenty willing to overlook that little problem you’re working on fixing

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Kinda off topic but I love the undateable series

Some parts are so cringe it hurts

Some parts are so awwww it hurts

And I’ve cried happy and sad tears at it.

What a lovely series. "

I wonder if I can join

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Obviously I proceeded to delete the pics that wasn’t an issue at all, I just found the whole thing a bit … distasteful and in my mind was like… bet it’s because you just wanna make sure that your new flame doesn’t find out who you been messing about with.

But maybe I’m just making it up in my mind. And maybe he asked all his past girls the same?

Regarding the rest, I agree. I guess it was meant for fun anyway so I guess they had that mentality to begin with.

It’s just the playfield I’m in, I feel like there’s progress but also not so much progress in term of stigma with associating with girls like me.

I don’t know. I just want to be seen as a human being. No more no less. Not as an exotic creature , and not as less because of how I was assigned at birth.

Man, life!! What a mess

Well regardless of what he may think of you, ots generally not a good idea to have oics of anyone of a sexual nature when you start a relationship that isnt as open and free as many swingers have on this site. So you shouldnt get yourself too worked up on it.

It can be hard trying to figure out whos hanging around you as they see you as a kink or whether they see you as a human being they want to have around. Itll help your situation more to keeo them at arms length, if someone just see you as a kink they wont bother hanging around waiting forever, that how it goes when someone just perceives you as a pleasure fixer than an actual person

The ppl you want are the ones who stick around, the ones who arent always trying to talk sex with you, the ones who make an effort to know what youve been up to etc. Those are the sort of ppl who dont care about what your identity and physical body are and possess, they care about whats on the inside

Life is a shitty mess yeah, it just takes time finding the right ones for you, i mean im 30 and yet to find the right woman for me. Tonnes of ppl at my school already got married and had kids years ago. Just how it goes for some

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Aw, Kylie, this could have been me writing this. I’ve been on a similar low of late.

I’m the same, in that I’m not looking for a full on relationship at the moment. I guess I’d be open to one if it happened, but I’m not really looking atm.

You are truly gorgeous. I so wish I’d done this when I was your age rather than waiting until my body and face had been trashed by years of the wrong hormone balance.

On a positive; I’ve just had coffee with a lovely sexy man 16 years my junior in a local bar. Chatting and kissing without a care in the world. Who knows. I may have found my fb.

You’re so far from undateable. You’re very popular on here and there’s clearly plenty willing to overlook that little problem you’re working on fixing

Xxx"

I’m so happy that you went on a date and managed to have a smooch out, no care in the world!!

Whoooop whoooop!! X love these happy stories

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Woke up feeling pretty okay but then with some stuff happening lately, I’m having a introspective moment

More particularly about the whole dating scene and thinking how the past year or so,

has gone for me.

You are never undatable. You are a beautiful lady and forget about the negatives and think about all the positive you have going for yourself. I'd date you in a heartbeat. But Buy m probably not your type plus I'm an old fart lol. Keep your chin up. You're a beautiful lady inside and out x

Okay I did have proper relationships before, so I guess I’m not totally undatable but this year has been revealing. To say the least

With guys telling me (in person while chilling)

For example

“You are so pretty, but I wouldn’t date you - I don’t think I could introduce you to my mates”

Errr fankss??

“If only you were cis, I’m sure you’d have found a life partner so easy and would have kids by now”

Errrr what’s that supposed to mean??!!

And I won’t even mention those who are obsessed purely by the fact that I’m me. Those get binned right away as I’m not a Pokémon card to collect.

I thought I had found a bit of light , but he’s kinda revealing himself to be a bit of a fuck boy (surprise, surprise!!! Another one)

I don’t know what my point is, except … does anyone else feel kinda undatable? Or somehow that the tide is going against them ?

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Now on topic. I think a lot of people feel this way because they aren’t honest with themselves

For example you’ll often see people saying they just want “ honesty, integrity, loyalty, and a strong moral code.”.

But let’s be brutally honest. That’s not all you want. We all know plenty of people like that, there’s loads, and their single too. But you aren’t just looking for that.

I think if people were a little more honest about what they want and what they’ll accept they would have a better time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, I feel on the shelf. I dont think anyone could love me long term although I am fuckable, apparently."

Gaaaad I hate that. When it’s so obvious that they go like “wouldn’t date ya but I’d give u the dick??”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. From what you have said in OP, I don't think you'd want to be dating people who make these type of backhanded comments to you? And that's on them, not a reflection of you xx

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Now on topic. I think a lot of people feel this way because they aren’t honest with themselves

For example you’ll often see people saying they just want “ honesty, integrity, loyalty, and a strong moral code.”.

But let’s be brutally honest. That’s not all you want. We all know plenty of people like that, there’s loads, and their single too. But you aren’t just looking for that.

I think if people were a little more honest about what they want and what they’ll accept they would have a better time. "

If you read my post again, you'll see I wrote it in past tense.

I'm fully honest with myself about what I want from a relationship now that I didn't get those basics in days gone by, and that's absolutely fuck all, because the lack of those basics has put me off for life.

Signed, a human being who was lied to, beaten, and carrying the lasting impact of c-ptsd.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"Now on topic. I think a lot of people feel this way because they aren’t honest with themselves

For example you’ll often see people saying they just want “ honesty, integrity, loyalty, and a strong moral code.”.

But let’s be brutally honest. That’s not all you want. We all know plenty of people like that, there’s loads, and their single too. But you aren’t just looking for that.

I think if people were a little more honest about what they want and what they’ll accept they would have a better time.

If you read my post again, you'll see I wrote it in past tense.

Signed, a human being who was lied to, beaten, and carrying the lasting impact of c-ptsd."

Wasn’t specifically about you, just a very common turn of phrase

How many people do we know that have convinced themselves they “just want someone nice”

No you don’t. You don’t want “just nice”

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. From what you have said in OP, I don't think you'd want to be dating people who make these type of backhanded comments to you? And that's on them, not a reflection of you xx"

I wouldn’t want to date them, but it makes me wonder if every guy thinks like them (particularly cis straight ones) and if It’s literally a losing game

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Aw, Kylie, this could have been me writing this. I’ve been on a similar low of late.

I’m the same, in that I’m not looking for a full on relationship at the moment. I guess I’d be open to one if it happened, but I’m not really looking atm.

You are truly gorgeous. I so wish I’d done this when I was your age rather than waiting until my body and face had been trashed by years of the wrong hormone balance.

On a positive; I’ve just had coffee with a lovely sexy man 16 years my junior in a local bar. Chatting and kissing without a care in the world. Who knows. I may have found my fb.

You’re so far from undateable. You’re very popular on here and there’s clearly plenty willing to overlook that little problem you’re working on fixing

Xxx

I’m so happy that you went on a date and managed to have a smooch out, no care in the world!!

Whoooop whoooop!! X love these happy stories

I must admit it’s nice to just be treated as attractive rather than a dirty secret

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had nobody want to make me their girlfriend for the last 8 years! Well nobody I’ve been interesting in anyway. Has guys that I’ve been fucking for months drop me and get girlfriends months later.

Has this exact WhatsApp message last night off a guy I was meeting last year who specifically said he didn’t want a girlfriend then tried to come back again this year in July but I didn’t sleep with him again although did have a take away.

I said why can’t we just be friends that hang out (cos he is funny and a cool person) and he sent me this ,, Umm …! If I was to be your friend I’d expect sex to be part of the friendship … films, takeaway, chill, sexy time, sleep ??

Like what the hell is that about!?

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"I’ve had nobody want to make me their girlfriend for the last 8 years! Well nobody I’ve been interesting in anyway. Has guys that I’ve been fucking for months drop me and get girlfriends months later.

Like what the hell is that about!?

Ask him what happens on his boys nights out with all his male friends. Lots of Xbox and blowjobs right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t want to date them, but it makes me wonder if every guy thinks like them (particularly cis straight ones) and if It’s literally a losing game

I can't speak for every guy obviously, but I don't think and wouldn't like to think every guy thinks like that.. I tend to find that people will pop into your life when not looking, if that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Like what the hell is that about!?

The ones who drop with a shite excuse to then find some girl a month later are the worst, right before the ones WHO run back to ex partners. Those are the super worst !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's only one person I can ever visualise being in a relationship with, but we've tried sooo many times and it doesn't work. I have to really hold myself back from going there again.

I'm resigned to being single forever and he and I will shack up in our 80s to see each other off.

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

This is definitely me!

The last couple of years of dating, post marriage now divorced, have been an absolute eye opener!

I seem to sabotage my relationships after a few months but I can’t seem to understand why...

I would like a relationship but I am starting to realise I may be a bit needy and that I need to label it quite early on which causes me issues.

Dating in itself is a minefield and with me putting barriers up I feel absolutely hopeless at the moment!

Chin up though.. that’s what they say isn’t it lol

Pffft..

Pix x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wait, what?

"so he kindly asked me that any pic of us together to be deleted. Just in case (which is fair, but also kinda rude?!)"

As in sexual pics on here (fair enough) or just any photos of you together (definitely rude!)?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wait, what?

"so he kindly asked me that any pic of us together to be deleted. Just in case (which is fair, but also kinda rude?!)"

As in sexual pics on here (fair enough) or just any photos of you together (definitely rude!)?"

Both. Any pic that associates us together

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I think this time of year can be difficult for all sorts of reasons. I'm sure you've had quite a "journey" in your life. Sadly, some men are just dickheads. A good friend of mine wouldn't have a relationship with me because I "wasn't vulnerable enough and knew too much about his life". He gets married in May, she knows nothing. Give it a year he'll be back on Grin.er and fabguys and here.

Sending warm thoughts. Ms x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is to anyone that feels unlovable or has been hurt to the point they can't trust anyone.

We all feel unlovable at some point (including me sometimes).

Not all members of your chosen gender(s) will try or want to hurt you. It can be hard to let the right people into your life and I know it's an internal struggle. There ARE decent people out there that WILL one day love you and make you feel secure.

And if anyone ever just wants to chat or blow off steam my message filters are all off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wait, what?

"so he kindly asked me that any pic of us together to be deleted. Just in case (which is fair, but also kinda rude?!)"

As in sexual pics on here (fair enough) or just any photos of you together (definitely rude!)?

Both. Any pic that associates us together

That's hurtful, I'm sorry

You are young, full of personality from what I've seen and absolutely beautiful (you're obviously smokin hot too, but truly very pretty). You're a catch. I'm sure something more meaningful will come when you're least expecting it, but I hope you have a ton of fun in the meantime without people like that dragging you down x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like what the hell is that about!?

Ask him what happens on his boys nights out with all his male friends. Lots of Xbox and blowjobs right? "

I did say something similar. I said why can’t we do all that without the sex, do you make ***(his friend) sex you and he said if **** had a vagina I 100% would.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wait, what?

"so he kindly asked me that any pic of us together to be deleted. Just in case (which is fair, but also kinda rude?!)"

As in sexual pics on here (fair enough) or just any photos of you together (definitely rude!)?

Both. Any pic that associates us together

That's hurtful, I'm sorry

Thanks lovely, you are soooo kind.

And I wasn’t too much bummed about him, I’m genuinely happy he found the right girl. But more like how he asked to erase everything it came across as “god forbid if somehow she ever finds out about us” (in bracket, because of who I am )

I don’t know, insecurity central today

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is to anyone that feels unlovable or has been hurt to the point they can't trust anyone.

We all feel unlovable at some point (including me sometimes).

And if anyone ever just wants to chat or blow off steam my message filters are all off

Oh Pablo

you beacon of hope

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Everybody feels thst way at some point, it's quite normal but opens us up to dating folk we really shouldn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are beautiful. However you define yourself,or others define you, it's still and always will just be you that matters.

Don't feel low because you are you, love who you are and one day someone will be lucky enough to date you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is to anyone that feels unlovable or has been hurt to the point they can't trust anyone.

We all feel unlovable at some point (including me sometimes).

And if anyone ever just wants to chat or blow off steam my message filters are all off

Aww

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs G go on First Dates. They are pretty good at matching people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You are beautiful. However you define yourself,or others define you, it's still and always will just be you that matters.

Don't feel low because you are you, love who you are and one day someone will be lucky enough to date you.

The fact I’ve had relationships before obviously makes me hopeful, even if they ended and weren’t perfect relationships ha

I just need to remember that I’m worthy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Mrs G go on First Dates. They are pretty good at matching people.

Haha!!! I might have to slip in the deets x someone I sort of know has been on it! It’d be fun? Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like what the hell is that about!?

See this is something i never understood. Why these guys act this way, and still somehow get more attention than they deserve.

Genuine friendship has always been extremely important to me, yet in most cases when ive extended that hand of friendship without demanding sexual favours i get left by the wayside. Its one of the reasons why its become extremely difficult for me to form friendships with anyone.

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

You are stunning, proper funny and a really nice person!

Dust off that crown darling, never let anyone make you feel less that you’re worth!

Be happy in you, don’t rely on the possibility of happiness from another

You got this

Bug hugs to you

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can relate, I got divorced after my ex wife strayed 5 years ago and between then and now I haven't been in a relationship with any sense of they are the one. Like your ex mine has moved on ( not with the initial guy ) and now has a baby and seems settled. It often has me pondering will it ever happen for me again ? Its not a nice feeling and as the saying goes there is someone for everyone. Personally although I do get those moments I am ever the optimist and forever hopeful. I'm sure that like the old cliché when you aren't looking or least expect it that's when it will happen. Chin up, and for now enjoy whatever time you choose to spend with whomever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Woke up feeling pretty okay but then with some stuff happening lately, I’m having a introspective moment

More particularly about the whole dating scene and thinking how the past year or so,

has gone for me.

Okay I did have proper relationships before, so I guess I’m not totally undatable but this year has been revealing. To say the least

With guys telling me (in person while chilling)

For example

“You are so pretty, but I wouldn’t date you - I don’t think I could introduce you to my mates”

Errr fankss??

“If only you were cis, I’m sure you’d have found a life partner so easy and would have kids by now”

Errrr what’s that supposed to mean??!!

And I won’t even mention those who are obsessed purely by the fact that I’m me. Those get binned right away as I’m not a Pokémon card to collect.

I thought I had found a bit of light , but he’s kinda revealing himself to be a bit of a fuck boy (surprise, surprise!!! Another one)

I don’t know what my point is, except … does anyone else feel kinda undatable? Or somehow that the tide is going against them ?

When is that boob job coming hon?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think withholding sex is a god idea Kyls, I know it seems old fashioned but just let guys date you and put effort in before giving them the goods. That’s what I’m gonna do.

Keep this place for when I want a casual fuck and use the real world for dating.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Being fat makes me undatable for some.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Undatable here..

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Kylie my beauty, you are in no way undateable. You're a gorgeous person inside and out.

I know our experiences are very different, but I can relate to being a kink on someone's to do list. I've heard a million times that fat birds are like mopeds in that we're great fun to ride but you don't want your mates to see you climbing off the back of one.

At your age my spirit animal should've been a bull because I no sooner saw a red flag but I ran straight at it. I had a string of highly unsuitable relationships with the fuckiest of abusive fuckers, and it led me to swerve any form of intimacy for many years. I'm not in the market for a relationship, which has caused issues when FBs or FWBs want more than I can offer. Sometimes I think that I'll never get it right.

You have all the time in the world to make mistakes, to fall for the wrong people as well as the right, to have the joy of being loved and the heartbreak of loving.

We've all questioned our desirability at some point, we've all felt that horrible "maybe I'm just not enough" feeling, but at some point you have to take a look and decide that actually, you're a bloody gift and if a guy doesn't appreciate that then more fool him, that's his issue and not yours to resolve. His feelings in no way define your worth.

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By *ionaScarletTV/TS
over a year ago

Dundee

undateable here also lol

The last guy that had any romance potential bolted at the merest whisper of the "R" word!

Its cool though - I'm quite self sufficient and certainly not to blame for the insecurities of men

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

"Wait, what?

"so he kindly asked me that any pic of us together to be deleted. Just in case (which is fair, but also kinda rude?!)"

As in sexual pics on here (fair enough) or just any photos of you together (definitely rude!)?

Both. Any pic that associates us together

That's hurtful, I'm sorry

Thanks lovely, you are soooo kind.

I don’t know, insecurity central today

Woah sorry but if he’s wanting non sexual photos deleted of the two of you I think there’s only one person insecure here and that’s him…or his girlfriend is hugely insecure.

I have a similar insecure girlfriend with my ex. They’ve been together 5 years and she still thinks I’ll steal him back…there was 3 years before she showed up that I could’ve got back with him but didn’t.

It used to really hurt that she was trying to erase me from his life and our mutual friends until my mum pointed out it was the new girlfriends insecurity that was the problem not me and now I can just deal with her petty behaviour in a much healthier mental space for me than I did before.

p.s. I hope the pizza was good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Kylie, so sorry to hear that happened to you. Try your best to ignore it as you're so much better than that.

As for undateable, you are far from that. Me, however, I truly am because of my condition and the judgemental world we live in.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You are stunning, proper funny and a really nice person!

Dust off that crown darling, never let anyone make you feel less that you’re worth!

Be happy in you, don’t rely on the possibility of happiness from another

You got this

Bug hugs to you

xxx"

Thanks my lovely, it means a lot what you said! X and definitely did have some great points , happiness should come from within x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Kylie my beauty, you are in no way undateable. You're a gorgeous person inside and out.

You have all the time in the world to make mistakes, to fall for the wrong people as well as the right, to have the joy of being loved and the heartbreak of loving.

thanks so much for these words!!! Especially the last part … I really need to not forget that

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I don't know you Kylie, I just know that you come across as such a lovely, warm person.

I hope you recognise this in yourself.

Maybe you seek the thrills of the candy shop (which is amazing and exciting), then at some point, we feel the need for something more substantial, more sustainable - and this isn't the candy!

I definitely wasn't looking for a relationship when I met K. I'm still healing from my past relationship. Things felt different with him though from the get go (he wasn't all candy). We talked and talked for months and as much as I shunned a relationship in the early days, his just being there, allowing me to take one day at a time, eventually won me over. It was always more than just candy, and I felt it.

You have an amazing capacity for love and true bonding and at some point you will find your match. Know your worth.

Sending you a huge girlie hug and a shot of self love

C x

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

But if you know someone is a "Fuckboy" what do you expect? I mean he is still contacting you which screams he is a player and probably will do it again anyway. Lucky escape by the sound of it! You have said on a previous post you go for them types, So really getting yourself in these situations. Learn to be fine by yourself most importantly! You don't need a partner to be whole.

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

"It seems the more I look the less I find.

Seems I'll be the old bloke with a cat. Least I'll be stroking apussy

I’m already that bloke!

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

The only advice I (Mr) can really give is, don't stress , don't be hard on yourself the universe will suprise you when you least expect it someone will come along and it will happen when you aren't actually looking.

It will happen and the star's will align.

In the meantime chillax and have fun. hug's x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel like this but from a different angle.

I mean, we all hear it all the time... "do what makes you happy" and many are simply doing exactly that, leaving a whirlwind of destruction along the way without a second thought.

Totally see your point Beaut!! X it is a good point that we are OVER stimulated and there’s such temptation around. Especially if we get bored

I admit I fall sometimes for the boredom trap and I’m trying to channel that boredom or need for “change” in a more positive way.

So new hobbies, learn new things etc

Instead of self indulging in carnal temptations or even spending money on shit I don’t need! Kinda similar ??!"

I'm doing exactly this at the moment- writing, doing Terrible Art and learning BSL. It's much more fulfilling than buying more crap I don't need, and meeting red flag men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m just struck with being asked to delete photos. Like he’s trying to erase any proof of your existence. If you were happy to do so, then that’s kind of ok but I think it’s soooo out if order. You may have lots of sentimental value in remembering good times for previous partners, and seeing a old photo might have a lot of positive value for your self esteem, or all sorts of other perfectly valid reasons. I’d absolutely refuse to delete any if I was ever requested, that part of your/my life happened and isn’t erasable. Doing so to make someone else’s life less risky or to please (by proxy) an ex partners new partner is absolutely too much for me. He can delete his, if that’s how he feels most comfortable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mean “just in case” just in case what, you send pictures of him and you to his new partner? You don’t seem the type. Just in case she finds out he has a past? Surely she’s not so naive. Wow, this really annoys me, it’s inexcusable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been asked to have photos deleted too, which i have done.

& I'm quite undateable also.

In my case though, at the risk of sounding arrogant, it's more self-imposed. I like my own company and there's lots of stuff i want to do & like to get done. (and it's definitely easier without anyone around.)

-I'm not opposed to dating though, either.

Not sure if any of this info is of use.. just sharing my thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I mean “just in case” just in case what, you send pictures of him and you to his new partner? You don’t seem the type. Just in case she finds out he has a past? Surely she’s not so naive. Wow, this really annoys me, it’s inexcusable."

That’s exactly what I think but I don’t know if he means… “I don’t want her to find out you been seeing a girl like yourself”

Somehow she found out my name on his phone x don’t know if it’s bullshit or real or what

But I was kinda offended

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s exactly what I think but I don’t know if he means… “I don’t want her to find out you been seeing a girl like yourself”

Somehow she found out my name on his phone x don’t know if it’s bullshit or real or what

But I was kinda offended "

So he’s embarrassed or afraid or ashamed, these are not your issues, and you can’t solve them, and doing what he says won’t fix them, but it may make you doubt your self esteem, or feel shame that is not your own, if you hold any value in those pictures, even if it’s down to some vain “I look great on this one” etc, then don’t be dictated to and hold on to what’s yours, they’re memories not artefacts or evidence

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't know you Kylie, I just know that you come across as such a lovely, warm person.

I hope you recognise this in yourself.

Maybe you seek the thrills of the candy shop (which is amazing and exciting), then at some point, we feel the need for something more substantial, more sustainable - and this isn't the candy!

You have an amazing capacity for love and true bonding and at some point you will find your match. Know your worth.

Sending you a huge girlie hug and a shot of self love

C x"

Yeah pretty much. I definitely enjoyed my candy shop moment as I don’t struggle at all in that department.

But sometimes I really long for more, that’s why the latest guy seemed to be different, but he’s turning out to be the same. Or very similar anyway to the rest - maybe just more affectionate ..and I really hoped for something more. (Not necessarily a relationship) and he says I’m the only one he sees and that he cares but he’s been withdrawing. And I’m over romanticising in my head and now I’m the one chasing (while he was the one fawning over me)

Anyway …

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That’s exactly what I think but I don’t know if he means… “I don’t want her to find out you been seeing a girl like yourself”

Somehow she found out my name on his phone x don’t know if it’s bullshit or real or what

But I was kinda offended

True. It just sucks that some might feel ashamed of having dealt with me for me. If it makes sense, as said it before. It is a bit of a “kick me right where it hurts”

Or maybe he was worried she’d find my contacts and get in touch with me and that I’d spoil it all.

Either way, I’m not really much bothered about him per se, just heightening the reflection of my own insecurities x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not me who is undateable. Seriously, I am emotionally intelligent and have my shit together.

It is other people who are the problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My challenge is trying to recreate what I had when married, plus all the good stuff I didn't have.

It's really hard not to think the next one will be 'the one', whilst at the same time protecting yourself for the high likelihood that they won't be....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My challenge is trying to recreate what I had when married, plus all the good stuff I didn't have.

It's really hard not to think the next one will be 'the one', whilst at the same time protecting yourself for the high likelihood that they won't be...."

I can relate!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You gotta be your own biggest fan and cheerleader in life!

You gotta let yourself know that you deserve the best from anyone thats in your life and that anyone who says those kind of things and treats you that way has a problem with themselves and not with you.

It's easier said than done but being treated with respect, being loved for who you are, being given attention, affection and support are the bare minimum that anyone should expect from anyone else.

But you gotta make sure that you know that and set boundaries that enforce that, then you only let the good people in and eventually one of them will be the right one for you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My challenge is trying to recreate what I had when married, plus all the good stuff I didn't have.

It's really hard not to think the next one will be 'the one', whilst at the same time protecting yourself for the high likelihood that they won't be...."

Lucky or unlucky my previous long term partners had their time in that particular time frame of my life. But I’m glad I never wanted to recreate what I had with them with someone new.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You gotta be your own biggest fan and cheerleader in life!

It's easier said than done but being treated with respect, being loved for who you are, being given attention, affection and support are the bare minimum that anyone should expect from anyone else.

But you gotta make sure that you know that and set boundaries that enforce that, then you only let the good people in and eventually one of them will be the right one for you

thanks for these words! Sometimes I really need to remind myself that I’m worthy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You gotta be your own biggest fan and cheerleader in life!

It's easier said than done but being treated with respect, being loved for who you are, being given attention, affection and support are the bare minimum that anyone should expect from anyone else.

But you gotta make sure that you know that and set boundaries that enforce that, then you only let the good people in and eventually one of them will be the right one for you

thanks for these words! Sometimes I really need to remind myself that I’m worthy

We are all our own worst critics unfortunately. Try to catch yourself being negative or putting yourself down and then you will recognise when and in what situations you do it which can help stop.

One thing I picked up is to ask the question - would I say to a friend what I have just said to myself? The answer is not only often no but infact you would be your friends champion and tell them how wrong they are. Be your own best friend and talk to yourself like you do your friends

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By *tead88Man
over a year ago

nine elms

I’ve always taken care of myself physically, always been told I’m lovey and amicable, had many short term relationships but it gets to a point where I’m always pushed back, normally to the tune of something like “you’re incredible and you’ll make someone very happy, just not me”.

No idea why, I’m at the point where I’m gonna stop trying and just get some dogs.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Ilkley

I kind of feel as if I'm undatable sometimes as well Kylie

In my case I'm trans and hoping to find female company, which I think is a bit tricky in a different way. My experience is that women are far less likely to freak at the idea of introducing us to their friends and family, and yes I do make friends with a lot of women quite easily. But most women have preference for sex and romance with guys, and the ones that prefer other women are generally not interested in a non-op trans woman. So the pool with possible interest in me is kind of small going on for miniscule.

Don't give up hope though Kylie, I'm a firm believer that the unlikely does sometimes happen, and we might just bump into our prince/princess when we least expect it. Hugs, Polly xxx

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