FabSwingers.com forum: Does talking really help?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you have some life shit getting you down, does talking help?

How does it help? Who do you talk to?

Does it make the life shit go away?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Doesn't make life shit go away, but it can remind you that you've survived before, that others have survived before and that there's plenty worth living for.

It can put things into a differing perspective than the one you had before the convo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to bury it and then sit around waiting for the ticking time bomb to go off. Then I'll quietly gather it together and sweep it under the carpet.

My problems can't be solved by talking to others. I don't like bringing it up and having to re live that part of my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got something I need to get of my chest...I haven't seen walkers crisps in weeks where did you get that pack from?

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

It helps me to sort it out in my head, I prefer animals to talk to though as I can bare my soul without fear of overstepping the mark

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It only helps off the other person is willing to listen and not put their own spin on events and offer advice unless asked for.

Talking through life’s shit is often a great way of unraveling it yourself as you have to explain full to someone else

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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago

from the womb and tryout to get back

I wouldn't know I just bottle shit up after all its my shit I'm not sharing it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to bury it and then sit around waiting for the ticking time bomb to go off. Then I'll quietly gather it together and sweep it under the carpet.

My problems can't be solved by talking to others. I don't like bringing it up and having to re live that part of my life. "

I'm a very broken woman that carries a smile on her face whenever she can

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

It only helps if the person you are chatting to has experienced the same otherwise its just someone paying lip service.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No it doesn't always help. Sometimes you will talk to people about stuff and they either trivialise it, tell you other people (usually them) have it worse or imply that you're exagerrating.

When it does help is when the person listens, is aware of when you just need to vent and when you need practical help or positive solutions and you know they've got your back. Mr N is my go to for that and my dad.

It doesn't make shit go away but sometimes it makes it easier to bear.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

For me it depends if I want solutions to issues or to just sit with my feelings. If I want to unpack things for myself then I find it hard to talk to other people because there is a tendency to want to "fix" how I feel, but if I want solutions I will talk to my loved ones and they're a canny bunch so I normally come away with a plan.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes it helps to have a sounding board so I'm not so in my own overthinking head - I can see things more clearly and also realise when I'm being a bit of a twunt.

Other times; no. I need to work through it myself and talking to others can make it feel like more of a thing than it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have some life shit getting you down, does talking help?

How does it help? Who do you talk to?

Does it make the life shit go away? "

For me talking does help. I particularly like talking to Mr NBVN because he helps me process the problem in a logical way without the added emotions. I know he has my best interests at heart and wants to help me in any way he can and with that love and support I find my inner strength to identify my own strategy. The problem doesn't go away until I take action but the feeling of being overwhelmed or anxious or stressed does ease off from talking and asking for his opinion.

Quite often this process starts by getting out of the house and going for a walk. In my heightened stressful moments I need to be outside and have seen us out walking at all hours, just walking and chatting or walking as I process my thoughts before talking.

NBVN x

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Its good to talk, but unless they are responsible for it, then the life shit won’t go away.

It can help put things in perspective, give other points of view or just allow you to vent.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

I am lucky enough to have a close friend and neighbours who care and really listen. They will give as much help as I want, but won't press their own agenda.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/11/21 17:04:22]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn’t help me personally. I’m not very good talking about my feelings face to face. I was offered some talking therapy but long after my son was born and I was very much like well how’s that going to help me?! It wouldn’t solve the issues I was having

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I worked for the Samaritans for 4 years.

I can promise u talking helps. Don't ever feel like there's not someone there to listen to you. There is.

However bad you feel things are,. However lonely or afraid you may feel, someone is there.

Those 4 years were and still are the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I've been on both ends of that telephone so I know how daunting and scary it can be to open up to someone, but again I promise you it does help.

Honestly if anyone reading this has ever wants to talk about anything I will always be happy to chat to anyone. A complete stranger saved my life once just by listening to me.

Youre not alone. Remember that.

Mr NF

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By *oirinMarkusCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands and West London

Talking is essential to me. My mum helps calm me and has great advice/ life experience, my partner reassures me and makes me feel less alone, my friends cheer me up and give me their own problems to give me perspective. I problem shared really is a problem halved for me. I have a strong network around me so this might differ if you are new to "talking". I come from a talking family x

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I find it hard to talk. Years ago I was getting counselling and hated it. In the end I just said what I knew she wanted to hear so I could leave and eventually get discharged. I bought a dog and started running which really helped me to clear my head.

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By *hunderace...Man
over a year ago

Dudley

I work alone and I live alone, I'm not going to bang on about what lifes been like for me these last 2yrs as you know most of it already.

The people who listen and have listened to me I still breathe because of, and nobody more so than a pervious poster on this thread...

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

Nope, my problems are my business and nobody else's. There has been a lot of water flown under the bridge, and a lot of sleepless nights to wake me up to the fact that the only one who can solve my problems is me. There's only one way to get lucky, and that's make your own luck.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

No. Because unless someone is dealing with the same things they have no idea. I don’t mean that in a bad way either. I just don’t see the point.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"No. Because unless someone is dealing with the same things they have no idea. I don’t mean that in a bad way either. I just don’t see the point. "

Sometimes just knowing you're cared about and worth listening to is enough to give you a boost and a bit of fight when you feel like giving up.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

Yes, if practical help can solve it and the person I'm talking to is able to offer that help, or if the issue stems from the person I'm talking to or their behaviour. If it's purely emotional then no, that's my shit to deal with in my own way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually, I realised a long time ago how pointless talking to someone is for me. I can cry on someone’s shoulder spill all my woes on them, but what can they do, really?

If it’s something I won’t bother about next year, it’s not worth spending time worrying about it anyway, there’s more shit ahead to dodge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hubby and I have nobody to talk to other than each other.

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

I've stopped talking or crying on some one shoulder feel I'm just a pain in the arse when I do so.keeping it all in , as advice they give is always easier said than done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can help to process it, verbalising it can help you reach the point of knowing how you feel and what to do about it if something can be done. So yes it helps.

Also helps when you hear others do it and know you're not alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s helped me in the past, with people in the same boat.

Talking to widows who know exactly how I’m feeling because they’ve been there too, they’ve lived it.

Plus they don’t tell you to keep your chin up, stay strong, etc. they know it’s ok for it all to just feel a bit shit and overwhelming at times.

Letting your tears flow with a friend who can give you a huge hug really helps x

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By *ustcurious1000Couple
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Sometimes but I am typical when I am asked i automatically say I am good when I am not

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Yes it does.

It’s not about the other person being through the same thing, it’s about them actively listening and not just waiting to talk.

I find that if I need to talk, I will eventually come to my own clarity and understanding. It’s about getting the mess in my head out, like pulling on a jumbled thread until the jumble untangles and I can get a bit of clarity. If I don’t talk then it just gets more tangled.

I know that talking has saved my life, probably more than once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. Because unless someone is dealing with the same things they have no idea. I don’t mean that in a bad way either. I just don’t see the point. "

What if someone was just listening, without wanting to help?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes it does.

It’s not about the other person being through the same thing, it’s about them actively listening and not just waiting to talk.

I know that talking has saved my life, probably more than once"

Exactly this. When talking to someone, it should be someone who listens to hear, and not to reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talking most definitely helps. I did peer support to get me through some of the hardest stuff in my life and it was amazing. Lived through practitioners who’ve been where I was who had genuine empathy and understanding was just what I needed. So much so I’m now in training to become one myself and help the next lot of people who may need it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes talking can definitely help I think, especially with those that you know actually care.

It doesn't always make the life stuff go away but it can help break it down in to more manageable pieces.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you, sorry can't reply to every post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talking helps, but often I find listening helps more, especially if good advice is given.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Yes, it can.

I think the issue is that sometimes think the talking will get a response that 'fixes' the issue. But, it can help find the key to a solution or provide perspective.

Listening and responding with empathy isn't about telling someone what to do, showing you have experienced the same and know the answers. It's being there, being caring and acknowledging what you are saying.

It took me decades to understand the value of talking to someone and being listened to. I spent a lot of money in the early years hating therapy but thinking it MUST help. So, for me, there is something about mindset and being ready to talk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not really, for me I need to work through things in my own mind x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if we were more open,and less embarrassed about our problems,half the world at least would be a more happy stable place,I've had depression and anxiety,and I talked to wellbeing,and my mate is going through the same,I see the signs,I sat him down and talked , explained I knew what he's going through,I've been there,and yes it definitely helps,hey,we all need a helping hand once in a while, swallow your pride and talk to someone,it grows and takes over if your not careful,talk to me,I'm a good listener,there's a big difference between hearing and listening.

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