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"Go for the meal. Sometimes being a good friend you just have to let them make their mistakes but always be there when it goes to shit. You can give them advice till you’re blue in the face but they’ll only listen if it’s something they want to do. Don’t stop speaking to her though, you don’t want her to feel like she can’t come to you if she needed to. Listen to her without judgement or without making her feel stupid about her choice. Can you tell I’m well practiced in this area " I can Ann thanks thing is we been best friends for long time she knows I wanst happy about her getting back with him I do wanna see her happy but not with guy that hurt her bad in the past if you want to know what he did to her I send you massage | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it." I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me " Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea." it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her " It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. " I feel like that Thanks for helping evwryone | |||
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"Imagine going to a job interview. You're pretty sure you have all the right qualifications, the interviewer seems impressed...they even smile and nod approvingly when you tell them just how suitable for the role you are. Then, you're told you don't have the job. They've decided to hire someone else, someone who is less qualified than you and they will even tell you just how crap the person they hired is with plenty of examples as to why. They'll even contact you every once in a while to remind you just how crap the person they hired is. However...one thing that is pretty clear is that you will never be hired for the job. You went to that job interview, Derek..." that wasn't much help as I not been for job interview this thread is not about job interviews | |||
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" that wasn't much help as I not been for job interview this thread is not about job interviews" It was intended as an analogy. I'm not into anal but...analogy just sounds like "arse science" | |||
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"Me qnd my female friend are vest friends Few weeks ago she was telling about her ex way he treat her and did bad things to her he only wanted her for sex he got drink problem . Her family and me were giving her advice to get rid of him she did thwt Then tonight she told me they got back tougher I'm not please for her she is stupid and she invited me out for tea on Thursday with her and her mum and go back to hers her mum leaves at 6 I leave couple hours later he sometimes turn up inexpected So what should I do please go for the meal or not qnd not talk to her for while clearly I'm not hqppy" Is that when you share the same vest | |||
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"Thanks she knows how much we care for each other I'm worried she get hurt again Nit sure weather I feel comfortable by meeting up for the meal should I go few days with out talking to her" Are you going to go to the meal? | |||
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"Go for the meal. Sometimes being a good friend you just have to let them make their mistakes but always be there when it goes to shit. You can give them advice till you’re blue in the face but they’ll only listen if it’s something they want to do. Don’t stop speaking to her though, you don’t want her to feel like she can’t come to you if she needed to. Listen to her without judgement or without making her feel stupid about her choice. Can you tell I’m well practiced in this area " Agreed. Going for the meal is the right call. Important to keep communication channels open for her. But also important to be honest and frank with her re her partner. We have all been in these messy situations. I have an inlaw that broke up with her husband, who was bullying and beating her, moved out, got a new job, got herself off booze, got on the front foot and promptly moved back in with the wife-beater. She was out, she was free of him, and went back to him. That whole process took a lot of time, effort, support and resource from her family and friends, and a lot of them have given up on her now and cut her off, feeling that she has pissed them about. A fucking mess | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. " Completely agreed. Offer advice and support and then move on. Anything else is likely to be a waste of time, and there is no limit to how much time and support this sort of situation can burn. Maybe ask her why she has gone back to him, and actually listen (fight the instinct to just tell her she is wrong). | |||
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"Go for the meal. Sometimes being a good friend you just have to let them make their mistakes but always be there when it goes to shit. You can give them advice till you’re blue in the face but they’ll only listen if it’s something they want to do. Don’t stop speaking to her though, you don’t want her to feel like she can’t come to you if she needed to. Listen to her without judgement or without making her feel stupid about her choice. Can you tell I’m well practiced in this area " This ^^^ Mr | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. Completely agreed. Offer advice and support and then move on. Anything else is likely to be a waste of time, and there is no limit to how much time and support this sort of situation can burn. Maybe ask her why she has gone back to him, and actually listen (fight the instinct to just tell her she is wrong). " I've learned this the hard way with my parents as I suspect they probably learned with me as a teenager . It's difficult to stand back and watch but we have no control over other people's lives | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. Completely agreed. Offer advice and support and then move on. Anything else is likely to be a waste of time, and there is no limit to how much time and support this sort of situation can burn. Maybe ask her why she has gone back to him, and actually listen (fight the instinct to just tell her she is wrong). I've learned this the hard way with my parents as I suspect they probably learned with me as a teenager . It's difficult to stand back and watch but we have no control over other people's lives" True. And we don’t always have the full facts. We also only hear part of the story sometimes ... the bad part, so can’t see any redeeming features and can’t see any attraction or reason the person might go back to their partner. I’m seeing that with my inlaw who went back to the bloke she painted as a violent wife-beater. 2 years down the line, she now says he never laid a finger on her but he shouted at her. Not quite what we were told at the time. And I’m not surprised he shouted at her given some of the things she did herself ... like crashing the car when she was pissed, with infant onboard. Again, not something she told us, and she actually denied that for 2 years. Tread carefully. Offer help and support but don’t let it take over your life as it will drain you. | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. Completely agreed. Offer advice and support and then move on. Anything else is likely to be a waste of time, and there is no limit to how much time and support this sort of situation can burn. Maybe ask her why she has gone back to him, and actually listen (fight the instinct to just tell her she is wrong). I've learned this the hard way with my parents as I suspect they probably learned with me as a teenager . It's difficult to stand back and watch but we have no control over other people's lives" It's more difficult when it's family. Friends can be cut off to save our own sanity. | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. Completely agreed. Offer advice and support and then move on. Anything else is likely to be a waste of time, and there is no limit to how much time and support this sort of situation can burn. Maybe ask her why she has gone back to him, and actually listen (fight the instinct to just tell her she is wrong). I've learned this the hard way with my parents as I suspect they probably learned with me as a teenager . It's difficult to stand back and watch but we have no control over other people's lives True. And we don’t always have the full facts. We also only hear part of the story sometimes ... the bad part, so can’t see any redeeming features and can’t see any attraction or reason the person might go back to their partner. I’m seeing that with my inlaw who went back to the bloke she painted as a violent wife-beater. 2 years down the line, she now says he never laid a finger on her but he shouted at her. Not quite what we were told at the time. And I’m not surprised he shouted at her given some of the things she did herself ... like crashing the car when she was pissed, with infant onboard. Again, not something she told us, and she actually denied that for 2 years. Tread carefully. Offer help and support but don’t let it take over your life as it will drain you. " Indeed! There's a balance to be maintained and if things begin to adversely affect you it's time to put at least emotional distance between you | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. Completely agreed. Offer advice and support and then move on. Anything else is likely to be a waste of time, and there is no limit to how much time and support this sort of situation can burn. Maybe ask her why she has gone back to him, and actually listen (fight the instinct to just tell her she is wrong). I've learned this the hard way with my parents as I suspect they probably learned with me as a teenager . It's difficult to stand back and watch but we have no control over other people's lives It's more difficult when it's family. Friends can be cut off to save our own sanity. " True. Loyalty can sometimes be misplaced. | |||
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"Don't stop talking to her Derek, she needs friends. It's really frustrating when someone keeps walking into misery but all you can do is advise her of the asks your opinion and help her if she needs it. I tried to help her when she was trying 5o get rid of him now she just chucked it back at me Obviously I don't know the details and you are feeling hurt by her behaviour by the sound of it. I think there comes a time even with the best of friends when you have to realise that they aren't going to take your advice and you choose to stick with them or cut ties. If taking a break from talking to her would help you maybe it's a good idea. it's not just my advice it's her family aswell she ignore the advice and what bad things he did to her in the past I thought she had more sense than going back with him When I met her last week she said they were getting back tougher I just felt uncomfortable about it and same when I was talking to her It's annoying when someone goes against all advice isn't it. It's her life though and even though she's making decisions you and her family think are unwise there's not much you can do about it. Completely agreed. Offer advice and support and then move on. Anything else is likely to be a waste of time, and there is no limit to how much time and support this sort of situation can burn. Maybe ask her why she has gone back to him, and actually listen (fight the instinct to just tell her she is wrong). " cos she loves him but doesn't love her same way | |||
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"Me qnd my female friend are vest friends Few weeks ago she was telling about her ex way he treat her and did bad things to her he only wanted her for sex he got drink problem . Her family and me were giving her advice to get rid of him she did thwt Then tonight she told me they got back tougher I'm not please for her she is stupid and she invited me out for tea on Thursday with her and her mum and go back to hers her mum leaves at 6 I leave couple hours later he sometimes turn up inexpected So what should I do please go for the meal or not qnd not talk to her for while clearly I'm not hqppy" For me mate she has to make her own mistakes and hopefully learn by them. I'd go for the meal as that is what friends do and then remember that she may need you to be there for her in the very near future as that friend | |||
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"Thanks for advice and help if I go for meal she want me go back to her and he sometimes tuen up unannounced thwts why I'm not about going for that meal " You could still go for the meal but tell her you're worried about seeing him and say sorry you can't go back to hers afterwards. | |||
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"Thanks for advice and help if I go for meal she want me go back to her and he sometimes tuen up unannounced thwts why I'm not about going for that meal You could still go for the meal but tell her you're worried about seeing him and say sorry you can't go back to hers afterwards. " ???????? | |||
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"Go for the meal but not back to hers. Stay friendly but let her make her own mistakes." Hard to do, isn’t it! We feel the urge to protect people, feel that we see things clearly and can see what they should do, and then they do something different, putting themselves in harms way or setting themselves up for future disappointment (in our view at least). But sometimes, the best thing we can do as friends is carry on as normal rather than the friend feeling that meeting up with us is just going to be more drama and lectures, adding even more stress. And hands up who has been in the following situation. Friend breaks up with partner and tells us what a shite they were. We agree, support them and say we never liked the arsehole anyway. Friend promptly get back together with partner and now thinks your a cunt because of the things you said about their partner. | |||
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"Go for the meal. Sometimes being a good friend you just have to let them make their mistakes but always be there when it goes to shit. You can give them advice till you’re blue in the face but they’ll only listen if it’s something they want to do. Don’t stop speaking to her though, you don’t want her to feel like she can’t come to you if she needed to. Listen to her without judgement or without making her feel stupid about her choice. Can you tell I’m well practiced in this area " Totally agree with this I also have had plenty of practice.stick around because if things go bad she's going to need someone like you around.... | |||
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"Thanks everyone but am having 2nd thoughts about go for that meal Someone said she may need space so I'm not gonna talk to her today just text see how she is" I think not going is very selfish R | |||
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" that wasn't much help as I not been for job interview this thread is not about job interviews It was intended as an analogy. I'm not into anal but...analogy just sounds like "arse science" " It was a great analogy but sometimes people can't quite grasp the message behind it and plain speaking is needed. | |||
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"Thanks everyone but am having 2nd thoughts about go for that meal Someone said she may need space so I'm not gonna talk to her today just text see how she is" If she “needs apace”, she wouldn’t have invited you for a meal. | |||
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"Thanks everyone but am having 2nd thoughts about go for that meal Someone said she may need space so I'm not gonna talk to her today just text see how she is If she “needs apace”, she wouldn’t have invited you for a meal. " I meant I'm gonna give her space if I talk to her today I be bit moody I don't want to do that so I speak with her tomorrow I text and ask how she is | |||
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"Made me feel bit better " Glad to hear it. It's good to be able to get other people's opinions on things | |||
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"Made me feel bit better Glad to hear it. It's good to be able to get other people's opinions on things " I agree | |||
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"Go for the meal but not back to hers. Stay friendly but let her make her own mistakes. Hard to do, isn’t it! We feel the urge to protect people, feel that we see things clearly and can see what they should do, and then they do something different, putting themselves in harms way or setting themselves up for future disappointment (in our view at least). But sometimes, the best thing we can do as friends is carry on as normal rather than the friend feeling that meeting up with us is just going to be more drama and lectures, adding even more stress. And hands up who has been in the following situation. Friend breaks up with partner and tells us what a shite they were. We agree, support them and say we never liked the arsehole anyway. Friend promptly get back together with partner and now thinks your a cunt because of the things you said about their partner. " Yeah just dump 'friends' like that. If they are so stupid they can't remember slagging off their partner but won't forgive you for it, no need to be friends. | |||
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"She said those things qbout him herself she still says friend for life I want to be her friend but not see her hurt" It's part and parcel of life I'm afraid. I hate to see our kids hurt or unhappy and the desire to intervene to prevent it is strong but they're adults, their life is their business and as their mum my job is to advise, let them ignore me and pick up the pieces if it goes wrong. | |||
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"She said those things qbout him herself she still says friend for life I want to be her friend but not see her hurt" I didn't mean that you should dump her. It was a general comment. X You sound like a good friend. | |||
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"So nice to have so many helpfill people and giving advice I really appreciate it thanks" I’m sure most of us have been in similar situations at some stage in our lives. You’re right to ask | |||
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"She said those things qbout him herself she still says friend for life I want to be her friend but not see her hurt I didn't mean that you should dump her. It was a general comment. X You sound like a good friend. " thanks she says am good caring friend to her witch I am we been friends before but se how lost touch and this time we agreed friends for life I just don't want to see her hurt bad by him again no one in her family likes him | |||
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"How did you meet her originally ?" It was on a course | |||
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"Update we met for coffee she knew I wasn't happy she thought I would be her friend but I said I am your friend just not happy with you going out with so we had face to face chat to sort things out and we did" That's good news. Hope you feel better. | |||
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"Update we met for coffee she knew I wasn't happy she thought I would be her friend but I said I am your friend just not happy with you going out with so we had face to face chat to sort things out and we did That's good news. Hope you feel better. " bit more better yeah thanks | |||
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" that wasn't much help as I not been for job interview this thread is not about job interviews It was intended as an analogy. I'm not into anal but...analogy just sounds like "arse science" " LOL ........ put the shovel down ..... t'holes big enough | |||
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