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Best put downs

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere

Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!!

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By *ld StrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Telford

[Removed by poster at 21/11/21 16:23:24]

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By *ld StrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Telford

The only way your getting pussy is if your Nan dies and leaves you the cat in her will .

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

In a previous job I took over a team who were far from high performing. I reviewed all their appraisals and performance review notes, only to find on one of them "has delusions of adequacy".

Harsh, but I have to admit it was accurate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Darling go stick a firework up your arse and light it, it’s the only bang you’re gonna get

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis


"In a previous job I took over a team who were far from high performing. I reviewed all their appraisals and performance review notes, only to find on one of them "has delusions of adequacy".

Harsh, but I have to admit it was accurate."

Oh my god that is cutting but I think I have a few of those at work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are sexual dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow the cobwebs off your bollocks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My go to is

'You are literally too stupid to insult'

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

Some stuck up wench at work was being a 'diva' so my mate told said 'oh get over yourself, 99% of your looks can be wiped of with a wet wipe' hahaha

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere

these are great!! Especially delusions if adequacy - pmsl at that - will obviously steal it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some stuck up wench at work was being a 'diva' so my mate told said 'oh get over yourself, 99% of your looks can be wiped of with a wet wipe' hahaha "

Omg !!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best one I've heard: I bet your family tree looks like a wreath

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury


"Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!! "
laught way too much at that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way to tell if someone lacks wit is when they try to throw an insult using the most obvious feature that they deem to be a disadvantage; in my case, it's my lack of height. My usual put-down to them:

'If that's the best you can come up with, at least I tower over you in intellect.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone called me a fat cunt to my face while I was training.

My response….”you’re absolutely right, I am a fat cunt. But, I’m training hard so that one day I won’t be a fat cunt. You however, are a cunt, will stay a cunt, and no amount of work you could do to ‘improve’ yourself, will ever stop you from being a cunt.”

Cue, a round of applause from other members at my gym.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My normal go to one

When a get called a (4 letter word)

Your right I am a (4 letter word) and love it hi at least us (4 letter word) have all the fun but damm must be a real bad day when not even the (4 letter word) will ride you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone called me a fat cunt to my face while I was training.

My response….”you’re absolutely right, I am a fat cunt. But, I’m training hard so that one day I won’t be a fat cunt. You however, are a cunt, will stay a cunt, and no amount of work you could do to ‘improve’ yourself, will ever stop you from being a cunt.”

Cue, a round of applause from other members at my gym. "
brilliant

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere

In tears here - you lot are hilarious xx

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle


"Someone called me a fat cunt to my face while I was training.

My response….”you’re absolutely right, I am a fat cunt. But, I’m training hard so that one day I won’t be a fat cunt. You however, are a cunt, will stay a cunt, and no amount of work you could do to ‘improve’ yourself, will ever stop you from being a cunt.”

Cue, a round of applause from other members at my gym. brilliant "
You propet filt them! You can't polish a turd this is true. hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone called me a fat cunt to my face while I was training.

My response….”you’re absolutely right, I am a fat cunt. But, I’m training hard so that one day I won’t be a fat cunt. You however, are a cunt, will stay a cunt, and no amount of work you could do to ‘improve’ yourself, will ever stop you from being a cunt.”

Cue, a round of applause from other members at my gym. brilliant You propet filt them! You can't polish a turd this is true. hahaha "

He caught me at a really bad time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish my knob was as thick as you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!! "

That made me laugh so much I don't know if I even need to read the rest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re tighter than a bulls arse in fly season

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should’ve been a wank

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By *iltopbearMan
over a year ago

Norfolk

Six million sperm and you were the fastest?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really don’t think you are going to be able to do that, you’ve not even got your own hips

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials


"In a previous job I took over a team who were far from high performing. I reviewed all their appraisals and performance review notes, only to find on one of them "has delusions of adequacy".

Harsh, but I have to admit it was accurate.

Oh my god that is cutting but I think I have a few of those at work "

That describes about 50% of my colleagues. Haven’t seen any of them since March 2020 either…. The other 50% have gone above & beyond since then - which is unusual for them too

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By *ot LatteCouple
over a year ago

France

Love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your Mum told me you'd say that, at least I think she was talking to me, we weren't the only ones there... and she had her mouth full.

COurtesy of Jimmy Carr that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your mum should have swallowed instead!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*Insert shite comment*

**Insert terrible reply**

'Oooohhhh nice come back'

'If I wanted my cum back I'd scrape it off your mum/gf/wife's face'

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By *igJFromSAMan
over a year ago

Woking

If brains were dynamite you couldn't even blow off your hard hat.

Was one of the better ones I heard on site

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

Our usual ones are:

Take your mask off then (it's not Halloween mate)

And, grow up virgin

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

The best part of you went down your mum's leg.

I hope your next shit a hedgehog.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

One place I worked at, the boss was sacking a guy who was useless.

"Don't look at it as a sacking, look at it that I am giving you the opportunity to be successful elsewhere" was how he did the sacking!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Somewhere out there, a tree is working tirelessly to produce oxygen allowing you to breathe. I think you should go find that tree and apologise to it.

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!!

That made me laugh so much I don't know if I even need to read the rest. "
do - you’ll definitely miss out - this lot are geniuses!! Some crackers

In here xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're so fugly you got a head like a WitchDoctors rattle

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Look like you've combed your hair with a toffee apple

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

"Somewhere out there is a village missing its idiot."

Perhaps not particularly brutal but it made me laugh

LvM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some stuck up wench at work was being a 'diva' so my mate told said 'oh get over yourself, 99% of your looks can be wiped of with a wet wipe' hahaha "

Hahahaha

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair


"Someone called me a fat cunt to my face while I was training.

My response….”you’re absolutely right, I am a fat cunt. But, I’m training hard so that one day I won’t be a fat cunt. You however, are a cunt, will stay a cunt, and no amount of work you could do to ‘improve’ yourself, will ever stop you from being a cunt.”

Cue, a round of applause from other members at my gym. "

•

That reminds me of the Winston Churchill quip:

"I may be d*unk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.".

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you"

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


""Somewhere out there is a village missing its idiot."

Perhaps not particularly brutal but it made me laugh

LvM"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m jealous of the people that haven’t met you

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"I’m jealous of the people that haven’t met you"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'I wouldn't say you were an unpopular arsehole, but when you die, you'll be lucky if the undertaker turns up.'

'If he fell into a barrel of tits, he'd come out sucking his thumb.'

'Ugly? She's got a face like a Ragman's trumpet.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't be ashamed of who you are, that's your parents job.

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

When I want to hear from an arsehole. I’ll fart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One place I worked at, the boss was sacking a guy who was useless.

"Don't look at it as a sacking, look at it that I am giving you the opportunity to be successful elsewhere" was how he did the sacking!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some stuck up wench at work was being a 'diva' so my mate told said 'oh get over yourself, 99% of your looks can be wiped of with a wet wipe' hahaha "

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By *ictoria_1976TV/TS
over a year ago

Launceston


"Best one I've heard: I bet your family tree looks like a wreath"

Or - does your family tree have any branches!

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By *elfordstevieMan
over a year ago

Telford

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make it think.

Credit Pete Burns many moons ago on Big Brother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mate I knew asked a girl if he could get into her knickers and she replied . No thanks there's

1 arsehole in there already and that's enough for me

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

While in the navy the officer of the watch said to someone you need to take a long walk in the country until you come to a village with no idiot and stay there

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere

Coffee has been spat this morning!!

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I had a school report that sais I "set myself low standards and fail to live up to them".

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"I had a school report that sais I "set myself low standards and fail to live up to them". "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say you were borderline personality disorder, but you need a personality to begin with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you got it all in from behind....and she says is it in yet?

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

"Everybody hates you!"

"You must know that from school!"

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I used to work with a cocky little shit of a guy, who wore the most ridiculously tight trousers to work. One day he was doing his usual thing of telling tall tales of someone he'd had sex with that wasn't his wife, but he was insisting on trying to drag me into the conversation

I just sighed, turned and looked at his groin and said "mate, I really hope for any of their sakes that you're a grower, because we can all see what you're packing and that TicTac dick isn't impressing anyone"

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"I used to work with a cocky little shit of a guy, who wore the most ridiculously tight trousers to work. One day he was doing his usual thing of telling tall tales of someone he'd had sex with that wasn't his wife, but he was insisting on trying to drag me into the conversation

I just sighed, turned and looked at his groin and said "mate, I really hope for any of their sakes that you're a grower, because we can all see what you're packing and that TicTac dick isn't impressing anyone" "

Pmsl xxx

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere

How many times do I have to flush before you‘ll go away?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My go to is

'You are literally too stupid to insult'"

Kind of along these lines, but "You're not even wrong" is great for people who say shit do dumb it's can't even be proven wrong. Reserved for conspiracy nuts on the whole.

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"My go to is

'You are literally too stupid to insult'

Kind of along these lines, but "You're not even wrong" is great for people who say shit do dumb it's can't even be proven wrong. Reserved for conspiracy nuts on the whole."

- Met a few of them!!! #tinfoilhat

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By *ew sensationMan
over a year ago

widnes

To a lady with a large frame . . That material in your dress is gorgeous . . You were lucky to find so much of it . . Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When they think they're thin and they're from it , do you work full time or part time.... as a ballast weight for a crane company?

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

Saw this on Twitter to someone with an NFT profile picture;

“The only way women are going to touch you is with a f*cking taser!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You've got more chins than a chinese phone directory!

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"Saw this on Twitter to someone with an NFT profile picture;

“The only way women are going to touch you is with a f*cking taser!” "

Pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend was playing on a fruit machine in a very busy tightly packed pub, a larger lady tapped him on the shoulder and said very politely "excuse me can I get past? " He looked her up and down, then at the space behind him looked her squarely in the eye and said "physics says no" turned round and carried on playing on the fruit machine.

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By *innocentMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

You're like a Christmas Cracker:

Rubbish jokes and a shit bang

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"You're like a Christmas Cracker:

Rubbish jokes and a shit bang"

Pmsl - this may be my status description from now on!! Genuinely lol!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Someone called me a fat cunt to my face while I was training.

My response….”you’re absolutely right, I am a fat cunt. But, I’m training hard so that one day I won’t be a fat cunt. You however, are a cunt, will stay a cunt, and no amount of work you could do to ‘improve’ yourself, will ever stop you from being a cunt.”

Cue, a round of applause from other members at my gym. "

AWESOME Dude ..HUGE SALUTE to you ..you ROCK !!

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

I've seen bigger men than you on wedding cakes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A friend was playing on a fruit machine in a very busy tightly packed pub, a larger lady tapped him on the shoulder and said very politely "excuse me can I get past? " He looked her up and down, then at the space behind him looked her squarely in the eye and said "physics says no" turned round and carried on playing on the fruit machine."

In all fairness to your friend , he was a total arrogant asshole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A friend was playing on a fruit machine in a very busy tightly packed pub, a larger lady tapped him on the shoulder and said very politely "excuse me can I get past? " He looked her up and down, then at the space behind him looked her squarely in the eye and said "physics says no" turned round and carried on playing on the fruit machine.

In all fairness to your friend , he was a total arrogant asshole."

Yep.....but the post calls for the most brutal put down.....and this is it.

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"A friend was playing on a fruit machine in a very busy tightly packed pub, a larger lady tapped him on the shoulder and said very politely "excuse me can I get past? " He looked her up and down, then at the space behind him looked her squarely in the eye and said "physics says no" turned round and carried on playing on the fruit machine.

In all fairness to your friend , he was a total arrogant asshole.

Yep.....but the post calls for the most brutal put down.....and this is it."

I guess the thread is about putting down those people who have acted twattily ( its a word!!) and they kinda get their just desserts - from what you said the woman was very polite- so your mate didn’t deliver a put down he delivered an undeserved insult - the Jury find in favour of the lady in this case !!! Your mate needs a hedgehog suppository !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm generally the tolerant type but one particularly nasty, and regular, colleague pissed me off that I told him 'You know Neil, until I met you I didn't realise you could stack shit that high.'

He was always fine with me after that.

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

You're so annoying you'd give an aspirin a headache.

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By *lamorousBeautyLondonWoman
over a year ago

London


"Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!! "

This might have been my most efficient one, perhaps not so very brutal though. I received a message from someone who seemed interested in me and wanted to meet me. There was little information to go on on his profile but he sent some photos and I would have been happy to meet at one of the social events I go to (which he could also see in the calendar)and replied to say that. After seemingly accepting that answer he then sent a message again, pressing me to meet in private because he did not have time for social events.

The main gist on my response was this:

I care about your preferences just as much as you care about mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!! "

Yer maw sells teabags out of her false leg.

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By *ormorantMan
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

It’s a battle of wits and your unarmed..

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

If wit was shit you’d be constipated.

If brains were dynamite you couldn’t blow your hat off.

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!!

This might have been my most efficient one, perhaps not so very brutal though. I received a message from someone who seemed interested in me and wanted to meet me. There was little information to go on on his profile but he sent some photos and I would have been happy to meet at one of the social events I go to (which he could also see in the calendar)and replied to say that. After seemingly accepting that answer he then sent a message again, pressing me to meet in private because he did not have time for social events.

The main gist on my response was this:

I care about your preferences just as much as you care about mine. "

Thats efficiently lethal id say xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll never get piles as God made you a perfect arsehole.

You couldn't get your hole in a barrel of fannies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*To be said when the object of your derision enters the room*

I see someone left the gate open at the cunt farm!

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"*To be said when the object of your derision enters the room*

I see someone left the gate open at the cunt farm!"

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A comment I seen on a picture of a cross eyed person on fb:

If I had £1 for every time you looked at me I’d have 50p

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'If you were twins you'd be a whole wit.'

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Market Harborough/ Kettering

Who does your wife think of whilst you are shagging her?

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"'If you were twins you'd be a whole wit.'"

Heard a similar variation 'If you lot clubbed together, you'd still be too short for a half wit'

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By *ovelife8Man
over a year ago

Swindon

One of my faves

"If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong"

I also love this one

"You're so immature"

"shut up poo poo face"

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere

You’re so cross eyed when you cry tears roll down your back!!

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By *hubby CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Essex

You should of been a blow job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That looks like a penis, only smaller

He thought he had a pube until he pissed from it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes,it's over

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By *irth VaderMan
over a year ago

Inverness

If I want you to squeak I’ll squeeze you.

If I want to hear from an arsehole I’ll fart

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

[Removed by poster at 22/11/21 23:18:24]

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I like you..I don't care what the others say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you a circle because I just can’t find any point to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like you..I don't care what the others say "

And that makes someone feel terrible because they know they can never understand why someone likes them when no one else does so they wrack their brain trying find ways to disappoint you because you liking them means they suddenly have something at stake. And really, that's the biggest put down of all. Absolutely brutal, Anabelle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!! "

I saw “your ass must be jealous of all of the shit that comes out of your mouth” , which made me titter (PS The comment wasn’t aimed at me, honestly ??)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were right, you are hung like a horse……..a damn seahorse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just because you have hairs round your gob there's no need to talk like a c**t.

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere

As usual the standards are amazing here. I actually used one from this thread at a board meeting yesterday - ‘ i see the gate to knobhead farm got left open this morning!’ When someone tried to baffle us with bullshit when they just hadn’t done the work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're a 2 bagger. I need one bag to cover your face, and 1 for mine in case yours falls off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shame there's more dick in your personality than your trousers

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By *odgerMoore OP   Man
over a year ago

Nowhere


"Shame there's more dick in your personality than your trousers"

- like that!! Xx

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By *anilla switchWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

Not directly aimed at me but heard this beauty…..Does your arse ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's a talentless bastard.

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By *iker boy 69Man
over a year ago

midlands

Seeing a chav woman with 2 kids being a twat, a bloke asked if they were twins. She said why, he replied... cuz no one would fuck you twice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The way to tell if someone lacks wit is when they try to throw an insult using the most obvious feature that they deem to be a disadvantage; in my case, it's my lack of height. My usual put-down to them:

'If that's the best you can come up with, at least I tower over you in intellect.'"

My response would be the only thing you could tower over is a toddler if you got on a step ladder.... if you were filled with intellect you would be 2" taller ....still not making it past 3ft! (P.s I'm not tall)...

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By *rucking-HellMan
over a year ago

Northampton

It was from a film, but can't remember which one.

Bloke A is flashing the cash, bloke B says "I wouldn't wipe my arse on that". Bloke A said "I'm surprised you even wipe your arse".

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By *ilfCrumpet9Man
over a year ago

Wirral

If you were the last person on earth I would ask for a recount

If or when I need your opinion I will give it to you

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Said to the office worker who constantly bragged to the whole team (in earshot of the boss) his every single miniscule achievement...

"Why are you always blowing your trumpet when it's so full of shit ?"

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By *urio77Man
over a year ago

northampton

Ask me why I’m fat

Why are you fat?

I’m fat cos every time I shag your mrs she gives me a biscuit

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By *ayjay218Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Look if I wanted to hear an arsehole I would have farted !!!

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By *rucking-HellMan
over a year ago

Northampton


"Ask me why I’m fat

Why are you fat?

I’m fat cos every time I shag your mrs she gives me a biscuit "

I heard a good one from one of my mates when I was about 18 or 19.

You've put a bit of weight on!

Yeah I've been eating too much of your mum's pussy.

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

1) Did you get the number?

What number?

The registration number of the bus

What bus?

The bus that ran over your face, after all you couldn't have been born that ugly.

2) Are you suing the laboratory?

What laboratory?

The laboratory where you were created, I take it that you are the result of genetic experiment that went badly wrong when someone scientists crossed a crab egg with a human sperm, and you were the result.

3) Have you ever considered getting a miners lamp on your forehead. As your head seems so far up your own arse, it might help you to see clearer in that dark passage.

4) Have you ever thought of getting yourself an agent? It might save you having to handle yourself all the time!

Plenty more in the store!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really , & that’s the sperm that won

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By *arren and AliciaCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

If I had a face like yours I'd teach my arse to talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To an ex work colleague who was an unrelenting prick.....

"I just had a thought!"

Let's hope it doesn't die of loneliness.

"Something just crossed my mind"

Not a long journey.

"Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?"

It saves time.

Winston

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By *itzi999Woman
over a year ago

Slough


"Whats the most brutal put down you’ve used or heard…

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's arse and wait.

Usual rules it’s for fun and don’t be a dick - that’s my job!! "

I shall not name her, but it’s “ come back when you’ve grown a dick”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Listen donkey Dick , you couldn't get laid in a morgue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're that Ugly as a baby, your Mum put shutters on your pram

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your that ugly as a child no one would play with you so you Mum tied a chop around your neck just so the dog would play with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a previous job I took over a team who were far from high performing. I reviewed all their appraisals and performance review notes, only to find on one of them "has delusions of adequacy".

Harsh, but I have to admit it was accurate."

I actually LOL at that. Quality!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was working for one firm where a couple of the Girls I was mates with were dating other Guys in the Office. Another Girl who fancied herself rotten constantly flirted with the two Guys to the extent that my friends got quite annoyed and emotional. So this other Girl walked by the 3 of us one time and I asked ‘are you wearing black for its slimming properties?’ ‘Yes’ she replied. ‘Well it’s not working!’ Was my put down. My friends were quite happy at that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She has a face like a melted Wellington and the tide wouldn't take her out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My go to is

'You are literally too stupid to insult'"

Excellent think I’ll use that on someone if that’s ok

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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

I worked in an off licence, and used the following, on a bunch of lads, that were giving me lip.

"You lot are the best advert I've ever seen for Durex."

They left the shop, very happy. Didn't have the heart to burst their bubble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The only way your getting pussy is if your Nan dies and leaves you the cat in her will . "

Oh my I love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying he/she is unattractive, but it looks they been bobbin' for apples in a deep fat frier.....

When the good lord was dishing out the looks he/she thought he said books, and asked for something by Steven King.

Winston

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in the galley at work where there was a man sitting on his own and some wise guy shouted to him the usual halfwit comment "oh, I see you're sitting with your pals". Quick as a flash he gave the best reply ever - no, I'm not. I'm sitting with yours". Class!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While working in a pub many moons ago, I heard a guy say this to one of his mates at the bar.

You're so ugly, if you stayed at the Neverland ranch as a child, MJ would of told you to sleep in spare room.

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