FabSwingers.com forum: Opinions

By *igGfun OP Man
over a year ago

Oxford

So i have been on here a fair while now (this is my second account after getting locked out) but I have never had a meet, in fact barely had a message back and when I do its just saying no thanks, can I get peoples opinion on my me, my profile etc its making me feel a bit shit, thanks in advance

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your bio reads as if your only after you hole

Maybe include some more stuff about your self

Would drop the bit about not being the best looker comes across and not confident at all

Your pics are mostly cock pics set them to friends only some don’t want to see them at all

Some only want to see when they know a meet is going to happen

Also you have a carton aviator pic comes across as a bit childish and not grown up

Get cratife with your pics black and whites suits belts stuff like that

Or hang round the forums and wait on a photo challenge to come up and participate

But I will say it’s your profile you do as you please as I do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igGfun OP Man
over a year ago

Oxford

Thank you for being so nice I'll take it all on board

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have a nice smiley face. Many men say they get no messages or replies so don't feel bad.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So i have been on here a fair while now (this is my second account after getting locked out) but I have never had a meet, in fact barely had a message back and when I do its just saying no thanks, can I get peoples opinion on my me, my profile etc its making me feel a bit shit, thanks in advance

1. Rewrite your bio to reflect more confidence in yourself and what you bring to the table (optional)

2. Take better pics that show your body more and hit the gym. I’ve seen it here, even a bit of muscle mass or definition makes you stand out.

3. Attend clubs, chat to people and collect verifications

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tarkersandcrutchCouple
over a year ago

TELFORD

You do put yourself down in your profile. Ladies look for confidence but don't like arrogance, fine line I know.

Perhaps look at other verified profiles for ideas

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You do put yourself down in your profile. Ladies look for confidence but don't like arrogance, fine line I know.

Perhaps look at other verified profiles for ideas "

^^^

This is a good tl;dr

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

The cartoon avatar pic would immediately put me off .Your face pics are fine you're not a bad looking guy.More cock pics than anything else would just make me roll my eyes if I'm honest. Your bio is okay but nothing stands out on it really and it's like so many others on here. It doesn't really say much about you or what you want.

But if you think it all is a good representation of you and what you are looking for then it's perfect don't change a thing. You can't please everyone on here and there is no point in changing your profile to be a false representation of yourself. And while your profile may not appeal to me it will go someone else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lose the willy pics to friends only, remove the bit about confidence or lack of it and think seriously.... would you honestly shag a 99 year old? Personally, i see that, I'm put off!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Your profile looks fine x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t even get past your photos, the face pics are, but the rest aren’t.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh"

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for being so nice I'll take it all on board"

Maybe consider clothed body pics, don't have to be naked lovely. Just gives people an idea from head to toe so to speak!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

"You have a nice smiley face. Many men say they get no messages or replies so don't feel bad.

Second this.

There’s a myriad of threads on this issue. It is what it is really. But you absolutely can’t let it affect self-esteem.

Fab is a microcosm of one aspect of an alt lifestyle, it’s not representative of broader reality. There will be someone here or there for you.

Be kind to yourself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

It’s not about confidence, it’s about working out what works for you and doesn’t. That’s part of the learning process associated with being on fab. People with low self esteem meet all the time but if someone wants a confident person, it’s deceptive to have a profile portray yourself one way when you’re not, what impact will it have on the person that they meet?

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

It’s not only about the person asking for the advice, it’s about the people being misled by the generic advice from others, thinking that they’re meeting a person that they’re not. It’s harmful and deceitful to them.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be "

I completely agree with this

It does concern me the amount of people that write or take photos based on what they believe other people what to read and be attracted too. This is completely inauthentic. This isn’t the person they are going to meet and it shows so many times in messages as unless it’s genuinely you it’s hard to keep up the pretence for long.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be "

Guy is just looking for some pointers on how to improve his profile so he can get the leg over every once and awhile. Big deal.

It's not exactly something he can go to his local citizens advice and ask about.

It's a genuine enough question.

Emotional labour?

Some of the crap that people ask about on these threads, this seems one of the more valid ones.

He doesn't seem to be looking for attention or validation like most of the posts on here.

Constructive criticism is what he's after.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be

Guy is just looking for some pointers on how to improve his profile so he can get the leg over every once and awhile. Big deal.

It's not exactly something he can go to his local citizens advice and ask about.

It's a genuine enough question.

Emotional labour?

Some of the crap that people ask about on these threads, this seems one of the more valid ones.

He doesn't seem to be looking for attention or validation like most of the posts on here.

Constructive criticism is what he's after."

We’re all here for attention of some sort and most are looking for sexual validation, for saying that you were so defensive of self esteem issues in your last post, you’re dismissing them now…

You’re absolutely right, he’s asking US for help in HIM getting his leg over. That strikes me a weird.

Would you message the employer that you’re applying to for a job, asking how to improve your CV or asking for help with the interview? No. Either you’re the person that they’re looking for or you’re not, if you’re not then you’re wasting everyone’s time

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igGfun OP Man
over a year ago

Oxford

Although I appreciate your reply i believe you have it wrong what I'm asking about, Although I have been here a while I'm still pretty much a fab baby and I'm just asking for advice on what people would like to see from a profile i wouldn't meet for sex or anything until speaking with someone and a social meet so they would see the "real" me as you put it then it was more a question of what do people look for when looking at a profile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igGfun OP Man
over a year ago

Oxford

Thank younfor everyones advice well the kind people anyway

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Although I appreciate your reply i believe you have it wrong what I'm asking about, Although I have been here a while I'm still pretty much a fab baby and I'm just asking for advice on what people would like to see from a profile i wouldn't meet for sex or anything until speaking with someone and a social meet so they would see the "real" me as you put it then it was more a question of what do people look for when looking at a profile "

Everyone looks for different things. Your profile could never please everyone. Best to be you and find people who like you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be

Guy is just looking for some pointers on how to improve his profile so he can get the leg over every once and awhile. Big deal.

It's not exactly something he can go to his local citizens advice and ask about.

It's a genuine enough question.

Emotional labour?

Some of the crap that people ask about on these threads, this seems one of the more valid ones.

He doesn't seem to be looking for attention or validation like most of the posts on here.

Constructive criticism is what he's after.

We’re all here for attention of some sort and most are looking for sexual validation, for saying that you were so defensive of self esteem issues in your last post, you’re dismissing them now…

You’re absolutely right, he’s asking US for help in HIM getting his leg over. That strikes me a weird.

You can buy books and find resources on line that help you complete a CV, a good employee gives feedback after an unsuccessful interview with the intention of helping the candidate in their next one. Nobody improves without input from elsewhere.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be "

Couldn't put it any clearer myself bang on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be

Couldn't put it any clearer myself bang on"

Op asked for opinions on how to improve his profile.

He didn't ask for your opinion on what you think about his question.

If you read the initial post and have no advice.

Why bother commenting?

Simply move along to the next thread.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Thank younfor everyones advice well the kind people anyway "

My responses are tough love fella.

I don’t wish you ill, quite the opposite. I just think that a ‘by the numbers’ profile helps no one, least of all you.

Fab is something that you have to work out and make work for yourself. My approach won’t work for you, only you can do that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be

Couldn't put it any clearer myself bang on

Op asked for opinions on how to improve his profile.

He didn't ask for your opinion on what you think about his question.

If you read the initial post and have no advice.

Why bother commenting?

Simply move along to the next thread."

It’s a public forum and my posts are relevant to the heart of his question.

If I was talking about ducks, then I could see your point, because I’m disagreeing with you, that’s not a reason to not post.

The fact that others agree with me points to the fact that my posts are relevant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be

Couldn't put it any clearer myself bang on

Op asked for opinions on how to improve his profile.

He didn't ask for your opinion on what you think about his question.

If you read the initial post and have no advice.

Why bother commenting?

Simply move along to the next thread.

It’s a public forum and my posts are relevant to the heart of his question.

If I was talking about ducks, then I could see your point, because I’m disagreeing with you, that’s not a reason to not post.

The fact that others agree with me points to the fact that my posts are relevant "

Fair enough man, each to their own.

Be good

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Not seen one comment that has actually written something out, for the Op to use. It’s the usual better pictures less cock, more in the text about what you’ll bring to a meet, be a bit more confident etc..

Agree with the comment above, there’s advice for writing a good CV or even Tinder profile (something I did and got dates off the back of it) online, why not here ?

I get your points Tea, but for a change disagree.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe stretch your search further if you haven't OP X

Wishing you well....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igGfun OP Man
over a year ago

Oxford

"Maybe stretch your search further if you haven't OP X

Wishing you well....

How do you mean please x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/11/21 11:11:21]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe stretch your search further if you haven't OP X

Wishing you well....

OP change the postcode on your profile to other nearby areas. Fab is broken up into areas and sometimes the searches miss your neighbour because they are a different postcode.

Try different local towns/ postcodes and you will find new people you haven't seen before.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The thing is op that a lot of men do struggle to meet people on fab, it's not just you. There are may reasons for that one of which is sheer weight of numbers. I think it's quite a good idea to approach fab with the mindset that you might not meet but you could interact on the forum and in the chat rooms. If being on fab is having a negative impact on your mood I'd suggest taking a short break and coming back when you feel stronger

Good luck whatever you decide

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also (I'm on a roll now

) ask yourself what you expect from fab and if those expectations are realistic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

It isn't always easy to know what to highlight about your personality and how to showcase what you have to offer. Asking for advice on the forums does not make you fake at all. Those that are bothered by it ultimately won't matter to your search.

Through reading profiles from the demographic you are interested in you can find out what they are looking for. If any of it applies to you, write it into your profile and remove things that are not wanted. There is a sweet spot of being specific but not rigid; being appealing to many but not too generic.

This can make you stand out to them more and if you meet their location/age/etc. criteria conversation should be more likely.

Don't get hung up on the things you think are less attractive about you. It takes guts to ask for feedback in public so you clearly have some attractive qualities such as maturity, courage & resilience. I'm sure there are more so focus on what you have to offer and don't put yourself down.

With pictures I agree with previous posters that 'suggestive' is better than 'in your face'. I would also add that curating your pictures and keeping only the best ones is better than having lots of pictures of the same. Make pictures private that are not adding anything. You can always swap them around if you feel like a change.

Good luck!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be "

Isn't the whole of our life a process of learning how to behave by watching what others do around us and copying? Do you think that you were somehow magically born as the person you are with all you likes, desires, behaviors and mannerisms uniquely you with no influence from others? Ever wondered why it is you dress the way you do, listen to the music you do, eat the foods you do?

You also assume the OP is asking for help to get sex. He just asks for help to get people to respond to him. Nothing anyone says on a thread like this will somehow magically change the way he converses with others. There tends to be a bit of interaction between reading someone's (misleading?) profile and jumping into bed with them.

These posts do get boring and repetitive I know but that's seeing things from a selfish point of view. They are not asked by regular forumites so the guys asking don't actually know lots of others have asked the same questions.

I'd far rather read this question asked the way the OP did, politely requesting feedback on how he comes across and how he can change than the more common sense of entitlement in these posts.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask strangers for help to get sex!

Sex isn’t a right, if you can’t work out how to make it happen on your own, then perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh

Some people have more confidence than others.

So people who have low self esteem shouldn't have sex

I’m not saying that at all, quite a leap from what I’ve written.

Being spoon fed what to write, what pictures to use and how to present yourself means that it isn’t actually you anymore.

Asking others for their emotional labour to help you get laid just seems mildly narcissistic to me.

If you can’t meet a person as yourself, then you shouldn’t be

I'd far rather read this question asked the way the OP did, politely requesting feedback on how he comes across and how he can change than the more common sense of entitlement in these posts.

Mr"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread