FabSwingers.com forum: Levels of attractiveness and what you go for ...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am attracted by intelligence, humour and kindness above all else. It follows that I attract great guys. The only problem with my approach - that is, not prioritising looks - is that I seldom meet guys I really fancy. I don’t want to go all Shallow Hal

, but there needs to be more of a sense of balance.

I’ve just been asked out by a Fabber 10 years my junior, who resembles a model. I can’t help but feel that I’d be punching above my weight with him. I mean, I know I’m attractive, but he takes it to a whole new level!

If I accept, I’d be moving away from my usual formula (of being the slightly more attractive one) and this fills me with a bit of trepidation.

Please tell me that it’s ok just to go for it, and that I’ll be able to live with the knock to my self-esteem if the attraction isn’t two-way! I’m not used to rejection and it fears me a bit.

I hope I don’t come across as being full of myself here. I am really not, and am pretty down-to-earth.

Just trying to be honest with you all, which leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable. So please be gentle with your replies - it has been a tough day!

I’d be really interested to know what your priorities are in a match. And what level of attraction you feel most comfortable with.

Thanks so much for reading and hopefully responding! X

J x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well with women I need to have a proper connection and have things in common, be able to hold a conversation etc and that's quite important but if it's a guy then it's purely physical and about what he has down stairs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you think the men feel who are less attractive than you? They must be punching above their hotness level. (I mean this in a nice way!)

How do you know that he may think you are hotter than him and he's secretly in awe and worried you might not drop to his level?

Meet him and see how you feel.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone has substance AND model looks, well that’s the dream for some.

I say see how it goes, enjoy it and try not to put them on a pedestal and put yourself down/feel like you’re punching above your weight.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well with women I need to have a proper connection and have things in common, be able to hold a conversation etc and that's quite important but if it's a guy then it's purely physical and about what he has down stairs

Thanks Jimmy. I’ve never gone for pure physical attraction before, as it’s really important for me to have another sort of connection.

But I’m at the point where I’m thinking ‘fuck it, I might as well’.

It would be nice to fancy, as well as be fancied.

My current approach of meeting nice guys, who I then friend-zone, just isn’t working. Balance is key, but hard to achieve in my experience.

Not sure if anyone can relate!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh, thanks everyone

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for it I was approached by a guy on here 15 yrs young than me, on recieving his message my 1st reply was wow, wow wow followed by this is a wind up right?

I did meet him I was very very nervous, yes he did look like his pics and yes it was very much worth it X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do what you want, what's the worst that could happen? You're not hurting anyone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Go for it I was approached by a guy on here 15 yrs young than me, on recieving his message my 1st reply was wow, wow wow followed by this is a wind up right?

I did meet him I was very very nervous, yes he did look like his pics and yes it was very much worth it X "

Fabulous! This is what I needed to hear. And good on you!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Balance is important to me, there needs to be a certain physical attraction but if the intellectual/emotional connection isn't there then it doesn't matter how physically good-lucking someone is. Ultimately I need both.

There are certain things that are an instant turn-off for me which overide everything else

If I were you i'd meet them for a social and see how things go. It's good to push beyond your comfort zone sometimes!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Go for it!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a sapiosexual that is only attracted to fit, gorgeous women

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Sounds like it could be a good move, not only to enjoy yourself but to step out of your comfort zone

Always needing to be the more physically attractive one doesn’t sound like a healthy mindset to have, because it sounds like your placing a greater emphasis on physical looks than what else you bring to the table in your personality. Looks are great, but they aren’t everything, you probably have more to offer than just looks and surprisingly not all guys are as shallow as you might believe

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone I meet is more attractive than me. I used to get nervous and worried they wouldn’t fancy me but after a while I’m now happy enough in my own skin and I don’t worry so much

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I’m a sapiosexual that is only attracted to fit, gorgeous women"

OP, be shallow if you want to be. You don't need to justify that to yourself. Have fun, enjoy it and don't overthink it. Not everyone's perception of what's attractive is the same.

Plus; this notion of leagues/rates of attractive is a bit silly (I'm being mindful that you said you're sensitive and trying to be gentle!)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Plus; this notion of leagues/rates of attractive is a bit silly (I'm being mindful that you said you're sensitive and trying to be gentle!)"

Great point - everyone has a different idea of what attractiveness is and you can't second guess what that might be for others

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks very much everyone - you’ve all made some really good points.

I definitely don’t set out to be the more attractive one, and know that I have a lot to offer generally. It’s just how it seems to pan out. A subconscious thing maybe?

Getting out of my comfort zone is exactly the right expression! And not always something that I find easy to do ... As usual, I’m overthinking it!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Plus; this notion of leagues/rates of attractive is a bit silly (I'm being mindful that you said you're sensitive and trying to be gentle!)

Great point - everyone has a different idea of what attractiveness is and you can't second guess what that might be for others "

You’re absolutely right, both of you. I don’t think I expressed what I meant very well there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rixieMeWoman
over a year ago

Farfarfar away

Go for it, what is the worst that could happen? My fella is nearly 10 years my junior and we have a great time in and out of bed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

It’s a hard one to balance but if you’re not finding those that you traditionally draw or connect with attractive, then you’re right, something does need to change for you.

People can perceive physical attraction as shallow but I think that there needs to be a healthy portion of that, alongside the mental connection, otherwise the interest will quickly wane.

It might be hard to find the right balance but I guess that’s what we’re all looking for really!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't worry about age as long as they are consenting adults then just have fun, I've been with quite a few guys older than me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

"Thanks very much everyone - you’ve all made some really good points.

I definitely don’t set out to be the more attractive one, and know that I have a lot to offer generally. It’s just how it seems to pan out. A subconscious thing maybe?

Getting out of my comfort zone is exactly the right expression! And not always something that I find easy to do ... As usual, I’m overthinking it!

I don't think anyone finds it easy, it's called a comfort zone for a reason - but pushing yourself beyond it can really boost your confidence

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Thanks Jimmy. I’ve never gone for pure physical attraction before, as it’s really important for me to have another sort of connection.

But I’m at the point where I’m thinking ‘fuck it, I might as well’.

It would be nice to fancy, as well as be fancied.

My current approach of meeting nice guys, who I then friend-zone, just isn’t working. Balance is key, but hard to achieve in my experience.

Not sure if anyone can relate! "

I can relate

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/11/21 18:50:37]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am attracted by intelligence, humour and kindness above all else. It follows that I attract great guys. The only problem with my approach - that is, not prioritising looks - is that I seldom meet guys I really fancy. I don’t want to go all Shallow Hal

, but there needs to be more of a sense of balance.

If I accept, I’d be moving away from my usual formula (of being the slightly more attractive one) and this fills me with a bit of trepidation.

Please tell me that it’s ok just to go for it, and that I’ll be able to live with the knock to my self-esteem if the attraction isn’t two-way! I’m not used to rejection and it fears me a bit.

I hope I don’t come across as being full of myself here. I am really not, and am pretty down-to-earth.

Just trying to be honest with you all, which leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable. So please be gentle with your replies - it has been a tough day!

I’d be really interested to know what your priorities are in a match. And what level of attraction you feel most comfortable with.

Thanks so much for reading and hopefully responding! X

J x

"
Do people really give a hoot whether they are more attractive or lesser than their partners etc?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the sounds of it this man has asked you out so you don't need to worry about him being attracted to you and he may very well be the one thinking he is punching well above his weight and who could blame him. Personally I would say to go for it, if you meet he could have all the things you normally look for and be hot, but you won't know if you don't try. Now if you meet and either of you aren't feeling it that isn't a rejection, it maybe just a case where the two of you are just not as compatable as either of you would like, but you have now stepped out your comfort zone which in the long run may end up being a better outcome in the future.

What I'm trying to say is either way it is a win win situation. You either meet and get on with the guy or you have stepped outside your comfort zone, survived and know that you can do it again in the future. Hope this makes sense and good luck.

P. S in my opinion he is a lucky guy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How on earth do you know somebody mam/woman is funny with humour on a site. When most on A forum or profile's write such short message's. Or nothing much at all..

Many visually see the pics firstly and it goes from there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me this is all about sex. I go for guys that I find hot as hell and then work out if I can bare to spend a few hours in their company. I've met some great guys that way and many that have remained friends for many years so I'd say it works for me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

, but there needs to be more of a sense of balance.

If I accept, I’d be moving away from my usual formula (of being the slightly more attractive one) and this fills me with a bit of trepidation.

Please tell me that it’s ok just to go for it, and that I’ll be able to live with the knock to my self-esteem if the attraction isn’t two-way! I’m not used to rejection and it fears me a bit.

I hope I don’t come across as being full of myself here. I am really not, and am pretty down-to-earth.

Just trying to be honest with you all, which leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable. So please be gentle with your replies - it has been a tough day!

I’d be really interested to know what your priorities are in a match. And what level of attraction you feel most comfortable with.

Thanks so much for reading and hopefully responding! X

J x

Do people really give a hoot whether they are more attractive or lesser than their partners etc? IF you fancy them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Just do it

I'm (hopefully) meeting a super cute guy, 16 years younger than me, tomorrow. If I was out normally, I wouldn't think he'd look at me twice or talk to me.

But we had a great social and he said how much he's attracted to me physically and the dynamic we've set out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How on earth do you know somebody mam/woman is funny with humour on a site. When most on A forum or profile's write such short message's. Or nothing much at all..

Many visually see the pics firstly and it goes from there.

At the messaging stage? Loads of guys on here are really witty in the messages they send.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"From the sounds of it this man has asked you out so you don't need to worry about him being attracted to you and he may very well be the one thinking he is punching well above his weight and who could blame him. Personally I would say to go for it, if you meet he could have all the things you normally look for and be hot, but you won't know if you don't try. Now if you meet and either of you aren't feeling it that isn't a rejection, it maybe just a case where the two of you are just not as compatable as either of you would like, but you have now stepped out your comfort zone which in the long run may end up being a better outcome in the future.

P. S in my opinion he is a lucky guy."

Really nice of you to say - thanks a million x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

, but there needs to be more of a sense of balance.

If I accept, I’d be moving away from my usual formula (of being the slightly more attractive one) and this fills me with a bit of trepidation.

Please tell me that it’s ok just to go for it, and that I’ll be able to live with the knock to my self-esteem if the attraction isn’t two-way! I’m not used to rejection and it fears me a bit.

I hope I don’t come across as being full of myself here. I am really not, and am pretty down-to-earth.

Just trying to be honest with you all, which leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable. So please be gentle with your replies - it has been a tough day!

I’d be really interested to know what your priorities are in a match. And what level of attraction you feel most comfortable with.

Thanks so much for reading and hopefully responding! X

J x

Do people really give a hoot whether they are more attractive or lesser than their partners etc?

Attraction does matter. I’ve been out with some average looking guys who have a certain je ne sais quoi. And that’s great. But there needs to be chemistry to a certain degree. It’s not all about looks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread