FabSwingers.com forum: Are men comfortable showing their emotions?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Or do they have to appear that everything is okay on the surface?

guys that can display their emotions I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.

Guys would you feel comfortable telling a woman you were interested in all about your worries or things that are on your mind?

I encourage it massively because women are good listeners and I bet my hat no woman would think you were weak or less macho.

Tears are natures lube.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes"

Why not a woman you were interested in?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Some men yes

Some men no

Like anyone. Impossible to generalise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes"

Thats interesting.

If the woman you were interested in became your partner do you think you could open up then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are probably only 3 people in the World I share my emotions with, if I am unable to contain them. Doesn't happen often.

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By *olex99Man
over a year ago

Hull

"A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes"

Well said. Exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some men yes

Some men no

Like anyone. Impossible to generalise. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No because we were thought as boys to act like a man, how many times were ever man on here told to man up as a child

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Prefer to deal with things in my own head.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

In my experience it’s best to keep that stuff quiet to a woman your interested in as it’s a fast route to them not being interested

Share emotions with your mum, family and bro. And if they’ll listen a pet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree, not a bad thing at all. Men need to know that it is ok to show their vulnerable side and that showing emotions does not make them any less of a man....

We also need to teach our little boys that it's ok to cry and it is ok to talk about out feelings... sensitivity is not a weakness.

This is a great post Annie. Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah if you can’t tell the woman your interested in your worries etc then what’s the point she’s ment to be a friend aswell as a lover

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a very open book and find I tell anyone about my emotions. I got over wiring what people thought of I cried over something. I am me and if I'm going to cry then I'm going to cry.

I think the attitude that a fit shouldn't show his emotional side as it's a sign of weakness is so out dated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't mind sharing my emotions if they become overwhelming because it's good to let them out. I do struggle to put it in a way that doesn't seem like I'm lashing out though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ah if you can’t tell the woman your interested in your worries etc then what’s the point she’s ment to be a friend aswell as a lover "

It's exactly that for us. We are best friends as well as lovers.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

I share my emotions... definitely

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By *teManc1Man
over a year ago

manchester

No mostly we try to show we have it together and keep it together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think men or women need to show every emotion to everyone they interact with.

Context is everything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No because we were thought as boys to act like a man, how many times were ever man on here told to man up as a child "

I think this is the crux of it, our little boys need to know that showing emotions are ok? You can have these feelings because it is a human response, repression does so much damage and can take years to unravel

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"In my experience it’s best to keep that stuff quiet to a woman your interested in as it’s a fast route to them not being interested

Share emotions with your mum, family and bro. And if they’ll listen a pet"

Tell me about it stud x

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"In my experience it’s best to keep that stuff quiet to a woman your interested in as it’s a fast route to them not being interested

Share emotions with your mum, family and bro. And if they’ll listen a pet

Tell me about it stud x"

And yas. She listens and understands.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"In my experience it’s best to keep that stuff quiet to a woman your interested in as it’s a fast route to them not being interested

Share emotions with your mum, family and bro. And if they’ll listen a pet

Tell me about it stud x

And yas. She listens and understands. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To guys that feel they wouldn’t share something with a woman they were interested in, don’t you lot know they we’re natural fixers and even if we don’t have children our biological make up is that of the nurturer?

Even if there was someone we despised I’m pretty confident that if they specifically needed and asked for help we still would help them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of men bottle it up just like I do and sometimes it breaks a man to breaking point and you do something silly and so on

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes"

Would have thought a woman your interested in

Would make you closer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes

Why not a woman you were interested in? "

Because a women I'm interested in to me means an early stage of interaction. I'd find it odd of they started unloading on me and visa versa

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"To guys that feel they wouldn’t share something with a woman they were interested in, don’t you lot know they we’re natural fixers and even if we don’t have children our biological make up is that of the nurturer?

Even if there was someone we despised I’m pretty confident that if they specifically needed and asked for help we still would help them. "

My experiences is very different

I also think there’s a difference between confiding in someone you’ve been with a while and someone new.

Most women want a strong man to be their rock in the storm. Not someone that’s emotional and vulnerable. Not at the start anyways

That’s just my experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience it’s best to keep that stuff quiet to a woman your interested in as it’s a fast route to them not being interested

Share emotions with your mum, family and bro. And if they’ll listen a pet"

I would be upset if my partner felt he couldn't share his emotions with me, I'd feel like he didn't trust me enough with that...No need to be guarded

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think it would depend on the woman. How she came across to you etc . Like my missus I can be anyway I want etc with emotion . Obv I’m with her years . But I can tell her everything and anything . If I was only with here a short while I’d keep my emotions to myself . Guys front a lot . So they want to remain the hard exterior nature

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By *ason8733Man
over a year ago

Medway

It's true us blokes can be a little shy of showing our true colors, feelings ect

I find some guys are shut away and some aren't

I think it's better showing your partner exactly how your feeling and being real with them, no matter how deep it goes.

There's nothing wrong with being human around your partner.

With others I can be shut off and completely lack emotional empathy

With my partner I won't, I would rather them see me for me and not hidden away

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Even if there was someone we despised I’m pretty confident that if they specifically needed and asked for help we still would help them.

My experiences is very different

I also think there’s a difference between confiding in someone you’ve been with a while and someone new.

Most women want a strong man to be their rock in the storm. Not someone that’s emotional and vulnerable. Not at the start anyways

That’s just my experience "

Plenty of women are very self sufficient and don't need rocks or suchlike. They'd like a suitable companion and lover.

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By *oyRoy06Man
over a year ago

leighton buzzard

It is hard for a lot of us to open up regularly about our emotions.

Societally we are programmed to not show/share our emotions ... this is why young men are more likely to commit suicide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes

Thats interesting.

If the woman you were interested in became your partner do you think you could open up then?"

Absolutely but that's once you have gotten to know someone.

I have no issue sharing my anxieties and vulnerabilities. Just with people I know and trust and fortunately I have enough of them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with Corklad. I would always encourage a friend or partner to open up to me, and would help them in any way I can. I can always listen actively, even if they don’t want me to wade in and rescue them! Talking therapy really is a thing.

But oversharing at the very beginning of a relationship could be seen as a red flag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes

Thats interesting.

If the woman you were interested in became your partner do you think you could open up then?

Absolutely but that's once you have gotten to know someone.

I have no issue sharing my anxieties and vulnerabilities. Just with people I know and trust and fortunately I have enough of them "

Agree ^^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if there was someone we despised I’m pretty confident that if they specifically needed and asked for help we still would help them.

My experiences is very different

I also think there’s a difference between confiding in someone you’ve been with a while and someone new.

Most women want a strong man to be their rock in the storm. Not someone that’s emotional and vulnerable. Not at the start anyways

That’s just my experience

Plenty of women are very self sufficient and don't need rocks or suchlike. They'd like a suitable companion and lover. "

This.

As far as I am concerned we are a partnership and sometimes I am the stronger one and sometimes he is, its like with everything in a relationship we share the responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A women I'm interested in no.

A friend yes

Thats interesting.

If the woman you were interested in became your partner do you think you could open up then?

Absolutely but that's once you have gotten to know someone.

I have no issue sharing my anxieties and vulnerabilities. Just with people I know and trust and fortunately I have enough of them "

Makes totally sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy. "

That sounds really hard x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy. "

Would you like to feel more able to open up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy. "

Reading that makes me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy.

That sounds really hard x"

I’ve not known any different so I guess I’ve just got used to it.

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By *olex99Man
over a year ago

Hull

The context of this seems to have shifted. Of course you would share with a partner. But share with someone you were interested in? I wouldn't share with someone I was interested in, I don't know them enough at that stage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me, there's a time and a place. But have been known to have my moments too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The context of this seems to have shifted. Of course you would share with a partner. But share with someone you were interested in? I wouldn't share with someone I was interested in, I don't know them enough at that stage."

Exactly. People with healthy boundaries wouldn’t overshare at a very early stage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Short answer, no. I don't feel comfortable showing my deeper emotions. I lost a foot in horrendous circumstances a good few years back and had counselling for PTSD. I completely opened up to the counsellor but it did me no good whatsoever. All I felt at the end of the sessions was humiliation that I'd lost control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me, there's a time and a place. But have been known to have my moments too."

You are just one big softy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Prefer to deal with things in my own head. "

This (mr).

Hardly ever talk about emotions with anyone. Mrs suspects I’m 1/2 Vulcan who’s missed out on the ears. Probably one of those spectrum types.

Never understood people who always want to talk about their feelings and go on and on about their personal problems. Still empathetic to other, but just don’t have that need myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me, there's a time and a place. But have been known to have my moments too.

You are just one big softy

Shhhhh! Don't tell anyone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

True story 2014 guy ex para but then SF absolute nails, macho in every sense of the word. This is the guy who I’ve previously spoke about when I was squatting in high heels, lost my balance whilst sucking him off, grabbed hold of his willy and swung round him like a may pole yeah? So even his dick was macho. Anyway after the first date I took him home he was talking about some war atrocities and he started crying. I’d never seen a guy properly crying before and it made me soaking, he was apologising for crying and I put his hand in my knickers to see what it had done to me.

I would never ever judge a guy or be put off by him showing an emotional side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m broken from things that have happened in my past so I don’t show emotions and when I do I don’t show them well!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy.

Would you like to feel more able to open up. "

That’s probably one of those questions I’d spend the small hours pondering the answer to, and not coming up with one for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy.

That sounds really hard x

I’ve not known any different so I guess I’ve just got used to it. "

I grew up in an environment where I couldn't talk about my I'm worries and they grew and grew. Fortunately I started to talk initially to my siblings in my mid 20's and I never thought it could possibly make a difference never mind the massive change it did make.

It's never to later to start.

Shite I've overshared tho I'm not interested in you so I don't think I've contradicted my earlier post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy.

Would you like to feel more able to open up.

That’s probably one of those questions I’d spend the small hours pondering the answer to, and not coming up with one for it. "

I get that.

Do you have someone you feel you could talk to if you ever wanted to?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Exactly. People with healthy boundaries wouldn’t overshare at a very early stage."

That’s when people do trauma dumping. Not talking about sharing really heavy stuff early on but just like if they were talking about something in general that upset them. Or if they were encouraged to talk and open up I wouldn’t see that as trauma dumping because I’m actively encouraging that person to share something with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if there was someone we despised I’m pretty confident that if they specifically needed and asked for help we still would help them. "

(Mr) That’s quite an interesting position. That of the fixer. Genuinely interested in the thought process.

As a general observation from a number of long term FWB situations - whenever a female has confided deep concerns or problems , whether with an ex, at work etc then it has not always gone down well when a ‘fix’ has been suggested. Seemingly all that was wsnted was an ear to bend.

Myself, i don’t even mention something unless I need help and then will only ask someone whom I think will have a better solution as my own for whatever reason of experience, training, maturity etc. i figure if I’m going to then reject their perspective then why ask them in the first place.

I genuinely find this dynamic iterating but also very confusing and somewhat illogical.

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By *atangMan
over a year ago

bolton

I am

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Showing your weakness is a strength.

I have no problems showing my emotions with C. We are a team, equals, we both pull each other through things and support each other. You can’t always be the strong one…it wouldn’t feel equal then…

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It will depend on who you are picking guys, as we're all different too. If you consistently find out people who are not interested in the 3 dimensional you, then you are casting yourself into a flattened existence.

Your emotions aren't just about having a crisis and you can't hold everything together, inside of yourself. It's everything that touches you in some way.

'Man up' should be outlawed as an extreme form of abuse. Especially if pushed onto younger people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to have no problem with it, i was never afraid to show my inner emotions, but these days not so much. Ive had some encounters where i showed my emotions and very shortly afterwards the girl i was speaking to turned nasty and vicious. They were extremely attractive and for the short time that i was speaking with them they seemed decent personality wise... but then i found out how ugly they were on the inside. As a result i have real trust issues opening up deep.

To put it this way, ill let you onto the front porch and show you around my garden, but you have to prove to me you wont take a baseball to my home if i let you in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My experiences is very different

I also think there’s a difference between confiding in someone you’ve been with a while and someone new.

Most women want a strong man to be their rock in the storm. Not someone that’s emotional and vulnerable. Not at the start anyways

That’s just my experience "

100% agree. The worst thing a man can do is take advice from women about what women want. It's the fast track to the friend zone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't give a fuck about being macho, I just feel like I'm whinging or doing a poor me thing

But I've never been good at lying either

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Even if there was someone we despised I’m pretty confident that if they specifically needed and asked for help we still would help them.

(Mr) That’s quite an interesting position. That of the fixer. Genuinely interested in the thought process.

I genuinely find this dynamic iterating but also very confusing and somewhat illogical. "

Yeah when we (women) talk or moan about things we don’t want people to offer fixes or solutions we just want someone to listen, reason we don’t want solutions is because WE ARE the fixers and have already thought of every possible solution ourselves and to have people say oh why don’t you try this it’s like we already have and it doesn’t work so that’s when it can be annoying and we just want someone to listen. Exceptions to this are when we say can you help or what’s the answer to this

We are confusing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy.

Would you like to feel more able to open up.

That’s probably one of those questions I’d spend the small hours pondering the answer to, and not coming up with one for it.

I get that.

Do you have someone you feel you could talk to if you ever wanted to? "

I think so yes, but whether I would or not is a different story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find I can’t open up to anyone about my feelings and fears. When I worry about stuff, it’s done alone, and in the dead of nights.

Probably a result of the way I grew up. Socially awkward, insular, painfully shy.

Would you like to feel more able to open up.

That’s probably one of those questions I’d spend the small hours pondering the answer to, and not coming up with one for it.

I get that.

Do you have someone you feel you could talk to if you ever wanted to?

I think so yes, but whether I would or not is a different story. "

Oh I glad you feel you have someone to talk to if you ever wanted to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True story 2014 guy ex para but then SF absolute nails, macho in every sense of the word. This is the guy who I’ve previously spoke about when I was squatting in high heels, lost my balance whilst sucking him off, grabbed hold of his willy and swung round him like a may pole yeah? So even his dick was macho. Anyway after the first date I took him home he was talking about some war atrocities and he started crying. I’d never seen a guy properly crying before and it made me soaking, he was apologising for crying and I put his hand in my knickers to see what it had done to me.

I would never ever judge a guy or be put off by him showing an emotional side. "

IN that case, let me tell you about my childhood......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I use to till someone twisted me up chewed me up and spat me out just to get kicks and be nasty now I can never trust anyone with my feelings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if there was someone we despised I’m pretty confident that if they specifically needed and asked for help we still would help them.

(Mr) That’s quite an interesting position. That of the fixer. Genuinely interested in the thought process.

I genuinely find this dynamic iterating but also very confusing and somewhat illogical.

We are confusing! "

It was funny once as I commented “if you spent as much time looking for a new job as you do moaning about your current one then maybe you’d be happier” …. This apparently was not constructive. Despite being logically and factually correct. A couple of weeks after a slap, was asked for help to review a CV. Confised.com

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’ve made no bones about the fact that I’ve had a bloody hard time of it recently, huge life changes and turmoil. I’ve been a bit all over the place emotionally and I’ve been open about that for the most part with folks.

I’ve had some amazing support from some quarters, others that I thought were friends ran off and didn’t look back.

I would be and am careful with sharing my emotions in some places, simply because no matter what people say, many don’t want to see guys being emotional and do see it as less masculine. I’m not likely to invest my emotions where they’re not welcome. Some just want the flirty chat and nothing more. Some like guys to be stoic.

I am an emotional person, I’m very self aware and I communicate those emotions when I can, I see it as a strength but not everyone sees it that way

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

"Or do they have to appear that everything is okay on the surface?

guys that can display their emotions I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.

Guys would you feel comfortable telling a woman you were interested in all about your worries or things that are on your mind?

I encourage it massively because women are good listeners and I bet my hat no woman would think you were weak or less macho.

Tears are natures lube. "

I had a feeling you would want to discuss this further

To answer your question...I think it's easier for younger men in their early 20s as society has changed and is more acceptable to men showing emotions, but as a man in his 30s (and even more so in their 40s or 50s) we have spent our childhood and most of our adult life living in a society that was telling us that boys don't cry, that we need to man up and get shit done, that real men so this and don't do that, and we were exposed to this notion, at school, within our entourage, or the media ( I also come form a country where my generation was the last one that had to do mandatory military when you turned 18 - talk about a hyper masculine environment)....so it's not easy for me to change overnight. I am truly happy that young men nowadays grow up differently and society is more acceptable of men opening up, but sometimes I feel like it's turned 180 and now you're not a real man if you don't show emotions

...but it's so bloody difficult for me, I wish I could but I just can't...and it just makes me feel even worse when I hear women say "real men show their feelings " ...guess I'm not a real man, because I literally can't ( and I feel many other men feels this way)...and even writing this took a lot out of me, maybe it's the fact I am writing it, or the fact that there is anonymity, because I could never admit this face to face in front of someone

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"I’ve made no bones about the fact that I’ve had a bloody hard time of it recently, huge life changes and turmoil. I’ve been a bit all over the place emotionally and I’ve been open about that for the most part with folks.

I’ve had some amazing support from some quarters, others that I thought were friends ran off and didn’t look back.

I am an emotional person, I’m very self aware and I communicate those emotions when I can, I see it as a strength but not everyone sees it that way"

Explains a lot

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Or do they have to appear that everything is okay on the surface?

guys that can display their emotions I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.

Guys would you feel comfortable telling a woman you were interested in all about your worries or things that are on your mind?

I encourage it massively because women are good listeners and I bet my hat no woman would think you were weak or less macho.

Tears are natures lube.

I had a feeling you would want to discuss this further

You could tell me anything my darling, if it helped I’d let you bend me over and you could talk to me whilst holding both my wrists and smashing me from behind.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me.

Even now I’m going through a rough patch working 70-80 hours a week since December trying to get on the property ladder, in a new city, and I know something is up, but I dunno how to express it to myself, let alone anyone else. Because my entire life has consisted of bottling it up and getting on with it.

I hope we reach a point where guys can speak out for and not only not being judged for it, but actually offered help and support. I don’t even know what support is out there for guys. I’ve been told my whole life to sort stuff out myself because no one else will. And while I look at that as a good trait to have, because I’ve come back from serious drug addiction by myself, into a well paid job by myself, and I’m now very close to doing what most of this generation is struggling to do without help, get in the property ladder, all by myself. But at the same time it’s left me completely ignorant and unaware of any help or support that exists. All because I was told my entire life to bury it all and get on with it

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

"Or do they have to appear that everything is okay on the surface?

guys that can display their emotions I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.

Guys would you feel comfortable telling a woman you were interested in all about your worries or things that are on your mind?

I encourage it massively because women are good listeners and I bet my hat no woman would think you were weak or less macho.

Tears are natures lube.

I had a feeling you would want to discuss this further

You could tell me anything my darling, if it helped I’d let you bend me over and you could talk to me whilst holding both my wrists and smashing me from behind.

This isn't something that can be "fixed" with sex

I appreciate your offer though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me.

House prices are bonkers at the moment. If you can live with family and just save save save that’s the best option.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me.

House prices are bonkers at the moment. If you can live with family and just save save save that’s the best option. "

If I could I’d own a house by now, just not feasible with what’s at home. But I’m lucky to have landed a well paid job that’ll get me a 15-20% deposit within about a year of saving if I work hard. Almost there, hopefully the market chills the fuck out

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Or do they have to appear that everything is okay on the surface?

guys that can display their emotions I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.

Guys would you feel comfortable telling a woman you were interested in all about your worries or things that are on your mind?

I encourage it massively because women are good listeners and I bet my hat no woman would think you were weak or less macho.

Tears are natures lube.

I had a feeling you would want to discuss this further

You could tell me anything my darling, if it helped I’d let you bend me over and you could talk to me whilst holding both my wrists and smashing me from behind.

This isn't something that can be "fixed" with sex

I appreciate your offer though

But do you feel your emotions, are you scared by them and would run away from something if you found yourself experiencing emotions? I think as long as you are aware of them you’ll be fine.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me.

Not sure what kind of support you'd be looking for, but for men's mental health, there's organisations like Papyrus and Directions for Men (this one might be regional) which are specifically for men. Obviously if you're seeking other kinds of support then MH charities might not be what you want. Your local CVS (community and voluntary service) will have a list of providers of different types of support in your area, across a wealth of specialisms. You might also find local support groups for various things can be advertised within hospitals and doctors surgeries and not just the obvious health things. I've seen ads for carers support, financial support and all sorts on hospital notice boards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or do they have to appear that everything is okay on the surface?

guys that can display their emotions I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.

Guys would you feel comfortable telling a woman you were interested in all about your worries or things that are on your mind?

I encourage it massively because women are good listeners and I bet my hat no woman would think you were weak or less macho.

Tears are natures lube. "
simple answer, no. Because we have a fear that it will be used against us, or you wouldn't understand. Plus my generation and the older generation of men have been brought up to me MEN that means no emotions, which sucks because it's hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me"

Not exactly the same for me, but close…..and more so historically than currently, but it those past experiences that generally make me keep stuff to myself.

I can be quite emotional internally and it can be too much for people to listen to if I let it all loose. The last time I had counselling, during the opening part of the session my counsellor got four pages of A4 notes out of me in just my initial brain dump.

I tend not to tell partners as I find it harder talking to them. It feels all too close and I don’t like it. Plus the times I have done so it’s mostly ended in them getting bored of listening or getting pissed off and shitty because they heard something they didn’t like. So I tend not to bother any more.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me.

Thankyou for this. I sometimes joke to myself that if I had an emergency I wouldn’t even know where to turn, it’s nice to read there are places you can go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One thing about this country is that the NHS capacity for MH issues is woeful. Even before covid, but since it has gotten 10x worse. The waiting lists for help are horrendous. And the level of care from those muppets who have the talk therapies is a joke.

Anyone young and bright enough to retrain in psychiatry - go for it - you’ll make an absolute fortune!

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me

Not exactly the same for me, but close…..and more so historically than currently, but it those past experiences that generally make me keep stuff to myself.

Sorry to hear that buddy. I think when people say they are there for you, it’s just words. What they mostly mean is they are there for you if it’s quick and convenient

No one wants to deal with the real stuff, the difficult stuff.

Hope your doing ok

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me.

Thankyou for this. I sometimes joke to myself that if I had an emergency I wouldn’t even know where to turn, it’s nice to read there are places you can go "

There's definitely stuff out there. Directions for Men in this region have drop in support sessions, no booking needed etc. Also your local CAB is likely to be able to share details of local support services (various types) or might be able to assist themselves. There's national organisations who can give very practical help, for example, StepChange on debt etc.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Depends on the person and context. I keep things mostly to myself and don't open up easily. For the most part I prefer dwelling on and working things out on my own.

Don't think there's anything wrong with men showing emotion. Everyone needs a release valve. That being said there's a large difference between having the capacity to show emotions and emotional incontinence; the latter of which is all to frequent now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me

Not exactly the same for me, but close…..and more so historically than currently, but it those past experiences that generally make me keep stuff to myself.

Sorry to hear that buddy. I think when people say they are there for you, it’s just words. What they mostly mean is they are there for you if it’s quick and convenient

No one wants to deal with the real stuff, the difficult stuff.

Hope your doing ok"

Yeah, I’m fine thanks bud.

Some days it weighs heavier, but most days I’m that busy I don’t get chance to dwell.

Hope you’re OK too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/11/21 01:06:45]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well men aren't all brought up the same, but in general a man showing his true emotions was looked as a sign of weakness. I don't think it's as much of the case now. Especially with Mental Health being talked more openly in regards of men.

Men have traditionally bottled things up, to scared of being looked at as weak and that's lead to suicide rates way higher than compatible females.

Me, well once I know a woman I'd be open enough to talk to them about things. Having seen friends, colleagues and nearly myself crumble under pressure coming from all angles. After bottling things up until the cork popped.

As once it does those emotions can never be pushed fully back into the bottle again.

Just my thoughts on it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’ve done some pretty grim jobs in my time crime and trauma scene cleaning and prison custody officer in a male prison, plus I’m from Bridgend I’m South Wales which was known for all the suicides. I’ve picked up bits of brain from train tracks, from rocks down the beach from the jumpers. I’ve cut a few dead bodies down in cells. I’m all too aware about the effects of mental health. I look for signs all over my social media. Constantly monitoring peoples status updates and signs that something isn’t right and I sometimes I look a fool for messaging them privately but the amount of people I’ve just sat and had a cuppa tea with. People should always talk and if you’re judged for it just fuck them they ain’t your people. I wouldn’t have been on this site for 11 years if it wasn’t for the forums. Every thought in my head goes on these forums and once I’ve talked about it it’s gone.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me.

Thankyou for this. I sometimes joke to myself that if I had an emergency I wouldn’t even know where to turn, it’s nice to read there are places you can go "

You can also text shout to 85258 to be connected to a mental health support service 24/7.

Safeline have a helpline and online support service for male survivors of sexual abuse.

CALM have a helpline and webchat that is open 5pm to Midnight, and exists to prevent male suicide in the UK.

Respect have a helpline and webchat for male victims of domestic abuse, though it is open for restricted hours.

For veterans CombatStress have a 24/7 helpline, but they don't provide a crisis service - they specialise in longer-term support.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My heart is on my sleave... an open book! Im unashamedly emotional and I'll talk about anything to anyone that wants to hear lol i cried watching "despicable me"! I grew up in a house full of 4 sisters and my mum though so I wonder if that has anything to do with it

lol

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"I can honestly say that every time I’ve showed emotions outside of my mum, family and one particular girlfriend I was extremely close with, it’s come back to bite me.

Thankyou for this. I sometimes joke to myself that if I had an emergency I wouldn’t even know where to turn, it’s nice to read there are places you can go

You can also text shout to 85258 to be connected to a mental health support service 24/7.

Safeline have a helpline and online support service for male survivors of sexual abuse.

CALM have a helpline and webchat that is open 5pm to Midnight, and exists to prevent male suicide in the UK.

Respect have a helpline and webchat for male victims of domestic abuse, though it is open for restricted hours.

For veterans CombatStress have a 24/7 helpline, but they don't provide a crisis service - they specialise in longer-term support."

I had no idea so much support was available! It’s great to see, but it makes me wonder why me and so many guy I know know about none of this?

It’s that old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And so few guys open up no one knows they need it.

Saving all these in my phone. I’ve lost 9 friends in 10 years to suicide. I knew a few now that could use these. Thankyou

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I had no idea so much support was available! It’s great to see, but it makes me wonder why me and so many guy I know know about none of this?

It’s that old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And so few guys open up no one knows they need it.

Saving all these in my phone. I’ve lost 9 friends in 10 years to suicide. I knew a few now that could use these. Thankyou "

For me, a combination of needing help myself for various things. Needing to support others, so finding sources of help for them. Also my professional and volunteer life, which involves interaction with the likes of CVS and support services.

Most of the services referred to on the thread can be located via online searches e.g "men's mental health support" will bring up national organisations and if you add "in XYZtown" then you'll find local services.