FabSwingers.com forum: Fancying…

By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

So.. talk to me about fancying..

Do you fancy someone instantly?

Can you do it by photo only?

Do you need to know someone to say it?

How many people can you fancy at once?

Do you find fancying easy?

Are there different levels.. ie if you REALLY fancy someone but you still quite fancy others?!?

I’d bloody love to fancy but it’s just not how I’m made.. takes ages of getting to know someone in the flesh for that word to enter my mind.. then it’s one at a time only…. is anyone else as odd as me?!?

How I wish I could fancy!!!!

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By *oroRick1027Man
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

I fancy you, just by your incredible eyes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's possible to fancy someone from the off,but you need to spend some time with them first before giving your all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So.. talk to me about fancying..

Do you fancy someone instantly?

Can you do it by photo only?

Do you need to know someone to say it?

How many people can you fancy at once?

Do you find fancying easy?

Are there different levels.. ie if you REALLY fancy someone but you still quite fancy others?!?

How I wish I could fancy!!!!

I take strong likings to persons just by chatting, virtually, and the looks of a person but ultimately my mind is only made up in person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can fancy multiple people and at different levels. And yes sometimes a photo can be enough.

Could be a work colleague that I've a thing for just a mild crush, or I could be just someone I occasionally see and I'd be totally smitten and I hardly know them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need to know they have good intentions and a good personality. I don't like wasting my time on people that are incompatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I think I can fancy someone just from seeing him once or glancing or even just from a pic.

I know what I generally fancy.

Obviously to make a progress onto more then I have to see the whole package and see how they are, their mannerism, voice etc x

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You aren’t alone OP

While I can appreciate someone’s attractiveness it doesn’t mean I fancy them or even want to take it further.

I am at my happiest when I can lavish my attention on just one person that I fancy rather than spread it around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can look at someone or their pictures and fancy them whether it goes any further is on their personality

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I have different levels of "fancy".

The first is a kind of.... ooh.... I like that. Can be pictures, can be words. One of the guys I lust after, I didn't pay much attention to his pictures for ages, it was his profile text and forum posting that made me fancy him. Then the pics made me all (drool)

Damn. Still no emoji

Then comes the whole package. What they say and what they look like. If that's attractive to me then I move on from a vague "fancy" to a desire.

The thing that really does it for me though is if they desire me. And that added to me desiring them makes me want more.

I'm good at first level with a few at a time. Second with very few. And wanting more.... that's usually one. Maybe two

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I can look at someone or their pictures and fancy them whether it goes any further is on their personality

Yeah this is how I see it. I fancy him means physically/facially to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think proper attraction (for me) only comes in person... It's personality as well as looks that make it and of course both can come across to a point in pictures and chat but in person you get the full effect.

Also I often find people are quite different personality-wise in person to their chat.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yep, this for me too

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have different levels of "fancy".

Damn. Still no emoji

Then comes the whole package. What they say and what they look like. If that's attractive to me then I move on from a vague "fancy" to a desire.

The thing that really does it for me though is if they desire me. And that added to me desiring them makes me want more.

I'm good at first level with a few at a time. Second with very few. And wanting more.... that's usually one. Maybe two

Snap

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

See I’m mega literal.. so like the look of is just that for me.. but it has no relation to fancying. I see lots of people who are aesthetically pleasing in some way but it doesn’t stir me at all…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is hard to quantify! For me, it's much easier to find a man who I like the look of than finding someone I would want to meet which is Fancy +. Standard fancy is "yeah he looks good". Fancy + is "OMG I could get lost in your eyes" or "your voice does things to me".

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

I can fancy someone quite quickly by their looks, a smile, their personality and probably a whole host of other things. I can also just as easily stop fancying then by something they say, their attitude, or something they do. You can be the most gorgeous person in the world but if you're rotten inside it's going to show

LvM

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I can fancy people just from their pics but then meet up with them and it disappears as we just don’t connect hence why a social is a must

Fortunately I took a fancy to someone recently who didn’t disappoint in person so now I REALLY fancy him .

I think you can fancy many people at any one time even if you’re in a monogamous relationship

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"You aren’t alone OP

While I can appreciate someone’s attractiveness it doesn’t mean I fancy them or even want to take it further.

I am at my happiest when I can lavish my attention on just one person that I fancy rather than spread it around. "

This kinda sums it up.. ive always assumed it’s just a ‘kink’ thing…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Sounds like you’re over intellectualising it.

You are aesthetically pleasing to me, ergo, I fancy you, but if we met, it just might not be there.

That’s the nature of attraction!

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

But you’d need to fancy them to take it further?

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

It’s so complicated.. now there’s cake..

no wonder I’m confused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can look at someone or their pictures and fancy them whether it goes any further is on their personality "

Yep, this is how it works for me too.

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I have different levels of "fancy".

Damn. Still no emoji

Then comes the whole package. What they say and what they look like. If that's attractive to me then I move on from a vague "fancy" to a desire.

The thing that really does it for me though is if they desire me. And that added to me desiring them makes me want more.

I'm good at first level with a few at a time. Second with very few. And wanting more.... that's usually one. Maybe two

See your desire is my fancy..

I’ve missed a level. Maybe I don’t have a level.. Christ that’s 2 levels I’m shit at!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I immediately know that someone is attractive when I see them or see a photo of them, it doesn’t mean I fancy them.

The fancying someone can grow quickly depending on lots and lots of things. The X factor all the way to something as small as what she wears will make me fancy her.

Also, someone might not immediately be attractive. But, everything you get to learn and discover about them makes them become fancy’able

There’s the opposite effect to. But that’s another discussion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

But you’d need to fancy them to take it further?"

Anything sexy yeh, they could end up being a friend just not an exact fit for a lover.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can fancy someone quite quickly by their looks, a smile, their personality and probably a whole host of other things. I can also just as easily stop fancying then by something they say, their attitude, or something they do. You can be the most gorgeous person in the world but if you're rotten inside it's going to show

LvM"

Cant roll a turd in pink glitter and expect it to smell like roses

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I immediately know that someone is attractive when I see them or see a photo of them, it doesn’t mean I fancy them.

The fancying someone can grow quickly depending on lots and lots of things. The X factor all the way to something as small as what she wears will make me fancy her.

Also, someone might not immediately be attractive. But, everything you get to learn and discover about them makes them become fancy’able

There’s the opposite effect to. But that’s another discussion.

Yes!!! This is the point I’m trying to make, really badly…

I see lots of people as attractive but that has no reflection on ‘fancying’

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I have different levels of "fancy".

Damn. Still no emoji

Then comes the whole package. What they say and what they look like. If that's attractive to me then I move on from a vague "fancy" to a desire.

The thing that really does it for me though is if they desire me. And that added to me desiring them makes me want more.

I'm good at first level with a few at a time. Second with very few. And wanting more.... that's usually one. Maybe two

See your desire is my fancy..

I’ve missed a level. Maybe I don’t have a level.. Christ that’s 2 levels I’m shit at!!!

Nah..... you have levels.... they're just more black and white!

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

LvM

Cant roll a turd in pink glitter and expect it to smell like roses

Why would you…

Never mind!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

But you’d need to fancy them to take it further?

Anything sexy yeh, they could end up being a friend just not an exact fit for a lover."

I have a few male friends who've ended up there because there wasn't that extra zing when we met. Attractive but I couldn't imagine myself kissing them. Or anything else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

This is exactly how I am.... Needs to be more than a pretty face for me to fancy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

It’s so complicated.. now there’s cake..

no wonder I’m confused."

Ah! Sorry to muddy the waters. Think of it as a Red and Saff social where it's in name only.

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

It’s so complicated.. now there’s cake..

no wonder I’m confused.

Ah! Sorry to muddy the waters. Think of it as a Red and Saff social where it's in name only.

well tight!!!! I’ll never live that down!!!

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

It’s so complicated.. now there’s cake..

no wonder I’m confused.

Ah! Sorry to muddy the waters. Think of it as a Red and Saff social where it's in name only.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I immediately know that someone is attractive when I see them or see a photo of them, it doesn’t mean I fancy them.

The fancying someone can grow quickly depending on lots and lots of things. The X factor all the way to something as small as what she wears will make me fancy her.

Also, someone might not immediately be attractive. But, everything you get to learn and discover about them makes them become fancy’able

There’s the opposite effect to. But that’s another discussion.

Yes!!! This is the point I’m trying to make, really badly…

I see lots of people as attractive but that has no reflection on ‘fancying’ "

Exactly. There’s some photos of profiles on here that show me they are very attractive. Do I fancy them? No. I don’t know them or, they sound like ass’hats.

I don’t fancy ass’hats.

(*not directing that at anyone in particular, but if you think it’s you, you need to look at yourself then don’t you

)

But then there are those that have very little in photos and you barely know what they look like, but there’s enough to entice your interest, and then you start to fancy the idea of them. And boom, you get to see what they look like and now you fancy them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You aren’t alone OP

While I can appreciate someone’s attractiveness it doesn’t mean I fancy them or even want to take it further.

I am at my happiest when I can lavish my attention on just one person that I fancy rather than spread it around.

This kinda sums it up.. ive always assumed it’s just a ‘kink’ thing…"

Kink in what way?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

LvM

Cant roll a turd in pink glitter and expect it to smell like roses

Why would you…

Never mind!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can fancy multiple people at once, variety is great. But it's more than just looks, you can appreciate someone is good looking but there are a lot of good looking guys on here that are also complete dicks.

To fancy someone you have to know them and actually like them.

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"You aren’t alone OP

While I can appreciate someone’s attractiveness it doesn’t mean I fancy them or even want to take it further.

I am at my happiest when I can lavish my attention on just one person that I fancy rather than spread it around.

This kinda sums it up.. ive always assumed it’s just a ‘kink’ thing…

Kink in what way? "

Having kink based relationships which are pretty intense and not something that you can dabble outside of with others.. that focus on one person at a time..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fancy just means “like the look of,” to me, which is easy. You have to meet someone to see if there’s a bit more to it.

Yeah and this

I'm with this line of thought, I could fancy the cake on the counter but upon eating, not like it at all. People are the same, except I meet them not necessarily eat them

But you’d need to fancy them to take it further?

Anything sexy yeh, they could end up being a friend just not an exact fit for a lover.

I have a few male friends who've ended up there because there wasn't that extra zing when we met. Attractive but I couldn't imagine myself kissing them. Or anything else."

I've got a close female friend and we had the, why aren't we going out with each other chat. We concluded it would be line dating your brother or sister.

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"You aren’t alone OP

While I can appreciate someone’s attractiveness it doesn’t mean I fancy them or even want to take it further.

I am at my happiest when I can lavish my attention on just one person that I fancy rather than spread it around.

This kinda sums it up.. ive always assumed it’s just a ‘kink’ thing…

Kink in what way?

Having kink based relationships which are pretty intense and not something that you can dabble outside of with others.. that focus on one person at a time.. "

Isn’t that just monogamy, or am I opening up a whole other can of pedantry?

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"You aren’t alone OP

While I can appreciate someone’s attractiveness it doesn’t mean I fancy them or even want to take it further.

I am at my happiest when I can lavish my attention on just one person that I fancy rather than spread it around.

This kinda sums it up.. ive always assumed it’s just a ‘kink’ thing…

Kink in what way?

Having kink based relationships which are pretty intense and not something that you can dabble outside of with others.. that focus on one person at a time..

Isn’t that just monogamy, or am I opening up a whole other can of pedantry?

Pretty much yes, but not always..

I’ve had casual open relationships but am way better at just one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not from pictures, but talking yes after a while, and in person I can fancy someone in minutes. And yes you can fancy multiple people, it's biologically built in to us over 500,000 years of evolution.

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I rarely “fancy”

I only “fancy” one person at a time

I can “fancy” from a pic initially but the rest has to align and fall into place too

I play with people I don’t “fancy” in a club/party setting just because I like them and the look of them

I “de-fancy” easily

Ultimately my “fancying” might amount to nothing upon meeting

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Have you never, ever fancied someone OP before you've met them? Or said something along those lines in the forum before?

I don't think of fancying as being such a big thing if I'm honest, it is to me just someone saying I like the way you look or type crap (most of the time it's the former). I have to talk a fair bit to someone before I fancy them. Not necessarily in person but enough that I feel friendly and comfortable with them. Then I'd start thinking "oh I quite fancy them".

Except I don't really use fancy. It sounds a bit like a school playground term.

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"Have you never, ever fancied someone OP before you've met them? Or said something along those lines in the forum before?

Except I don't really use fancy. It sounds a bit like a school playground term.

I love the word.. it makes me chuckle.

And no I don’t fancy without meeting.. I’ve seen photos and thought they had a beautiful face but I never use the word fancy or similar until I’ve met them and there’s chemistry. I’ve only used the word once in 2 years. On here I’ll say nice pics or lovely face, but that’s literal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fancy a pint!

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

I can fancy someone by a pic as I find them attractive. To sleep with them,takes more than just a pretty face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after a close emotional bond has formed. This is different to seldom experiencing sexual attraction. Demisexual people might experience sexual attraction often and intensely, but only with people they're close to."

I think many people are demisexual but just don't know the term for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fancy a pint!"

Let's go I'm off for a couple shortly

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

""Demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after a close emotional bond has formed. This is different to seldom experiencing sexual attraction. Demisexual people might experience sexual attraction often and intensely, but only with people they're close to."

I think many people are demisexual but just don't know the term for it.

Oooh… maybe I’m not just bloody awkward and spiky!!! Off to google…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You aren’t alone OP

While I can appreciate someone’s attractiveness it doesn’t mean I fancy them or even want to take it further.

I am at my happiest when I can lavish my attention on just one person that I fancy rather than spread it around.

This kinda sums it up.. ive always assumed it’s just a ‘kink’ thing…

Kink in what way?

Having kink based relationships which are pretty intense and not something that you can dabble outside of with others.. that focus on one person at a time..

Isn’t that just monogamy, or am I opening up a whole other can of pedantry?

Pretty much yes, but not always..

I’ve had casual open relationships but am way better at just one. "

I’m not sure that can be classed as monogamy. Of you are in a closed relationship but on fab are you truly being monogamous in your thinking?

But I think that’s for another thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think many people are demisexual but just don't know the term for it.

This is a term I haven’t heard before

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I think many people are demisexual but just don't know the term for it.

Ah yes! I've been playing around with using this term to describe myself because I do need to feel close/good friendship to feel sexually attracted to someone. And I can be hardwork breaking down my barriers a bit. Basically a bit of a 'mare.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the term. ‘Super sexual’. That’s me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can fancy the look of someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean I want to meet them or play. I need something more. There needs to be some substance if the inside doesn’t match it can be a huge turn off.

But that’s just me x

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By *alty surpriseMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

Fancying....yes I can be attracted through pics...but when you hear a personality through a voice..or even mannerisms ,they can be even more alluring

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To fancy someone it needs to be both looks & chat/personality.

I don’t fancy anyone based on pictures alone.. I may like the look of them but until I engage with them it’s purely superficial.

To really fancy them I need to find them interesting/intriguing.

Having said that I do proper fancy Tom Hardy.. clearly never spoken to him (and unlikely to do so) but his personality comes through in interviews (so I’ve just disproven my theory!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think many people are demisexual but just don't know the term for it.

I came across this term a couple of months ago. I strongly identify with it. The emotional connection has to be there for me to think about sleeping with someone.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that it’s fun to see the different meanings that we all ascribe to one word that we use so often!

To me, fancying someone is about finding them physically attractive. That then leads (potentially) to a deeper attraction based on more than just looks.

To me there can be different facets, a personality that I connect with might lead to physical attraction over time.

In all honesty though, I do think that you fret about how you’re wired differently from others on here Saff. It’s a good thing in many ways! We just need to find you a way of connecting with folks, pretty boys included

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I think in the first instance purely from seeing photos on Fab for example it is just lust. You know the thing "oh I could shag her etc" but anything else requires a bit more time talking, getting to know likes and dislikes and then you might find that you ate no longer attracted to them.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think many people are demisexual but just don't know the term for it.

Oooh… maybe I’m not just bloody awkward and spiky!!! Off to google…

No, you are bloody awkward and spiky but that’s your super power

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to work with a guy, didn’t look twice at him really but it was only as I got to know him that I then started to fancy him. That’s probably happened most times I’ve got with someone actually.

Although there are a few famous guys I do think phwoar I would lol but then a bad personality would soon put me off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know I was joking when I declared my undying love OP ya?......

Well mostly

For me fancying is easy, and is definitely not reserved to one person at once.

But it's also a very fleeting thing.

It's not the same as physical attraction so can't just come from a photo..

I have yet to fancy the pants off someone but I'll keep working on my jedi mind powers

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Fancying comes easy to me, but it's very rarely on the basis of looks. I fancy someone because they're sharp, or funny, or original, or interesting. I fancy someone who makes me laugh and makes me think.

I fancy multiple people at the same time, it's not an exclusive thing!

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"You know I was joking when I declared my undying love OP ya?......

Well mostly

For me fancying is easy, and is definitely not reserved to one person at once.

But it's also a very fleeting thing.

It's not the same as physical attraction so can't just come from a photo..

I have yet to fancy the pants off someone but I'll keep working on my jedi mind powers

off to cry into my pillow…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can like the look of someone just from a pic but to fancy them I have to talk to them and get to know them a bit at least.

I forgot the rest of the questions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think many people are demisexual but just don't know the term for it.

Oooh… maybe I’m not just bloody awkward and spiky!!! Off to google…

Sorry! You are normal.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

To me can happen easily depending how well the two of us connect but before I say holding back my feelings I wait to hear them say but are signs that can be picked up if I'm able to constantly make them giggle it's a win and I'll most likely express myself enough for them to respond.in this position as I speak and it's mutual so being on fab the possibilities are endless

thanks fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are loads of sexy people on here I fancy

But I’m not sure how many fancy me back lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You know I was joking when I declared my undying love OP ya?......

Well mostly

For me fancying is easy, and is definitely not reserved to one person at once.

But it's also a very fleeting thing.

It's not the same as physical attraction so can't just come from a photo..

I have yet to fancy the pants off someone but I'll keep working on my jedi mind powers

off to cry into my pillow… "

I said mostly... also if your pants move slightly on their own at any point could ya let me know

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Yes I can fancy someone by the way they look and I can fancy many people at once but I'm a randy sod

I'm assuming by fancy we're talking about wanting to climb into bed with them.

There's different levels, some people I really fancy and others I fancy just a little. Sometimes that just a little can turn into a lot and others a lot can become a little but it depends on how I feel after getting to know them.

Fancying can be really complicated

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I think many people are demisexual but just don't know the term for it.

Oooh… maybe I’m not just bloody awkward and spiky!!! Off to google…

Sorry! You are normal.

This sounds so much sexier than ‘frosty bitch’ I’m so stealing this thankyou!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You might like the look of someone from a photograph but when meeting might be a total dick.

It has to be some form of initial attraction to the way they look and if they come across as genuinely lovely people when you meet it just gets better and better..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A boy I used to go out with when I was 15 I still fancy him now 23 years later, he is absolutely gorgeous though. We bump into each other maybe once or twice a year and just have massive hugs of each other, even a neck when I’ve seen him on a night out.

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Thanks all.. fascinating as always

off to bake some shiz now and ponder some more!

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Is there a difference between fancy and lust?

I find a lot of people attractive and might list after them but I don’t want to take it further.

I think that’s how I establish if I fancy them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is there a difference between fancy and lust?

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

It's mainly behaviour and how they speak. Unfortunately that makes it quite difficult for me to fancy someone. Just looking at them just doesn't do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

I find it so much easier to fancy someone in person than from a photo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Topical …

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Photos can set the tone of physical attraction. Meeting in person can confirm that. However (for me) it takes a bit more interaction to go from 'I think you are very attractive' to 'I like you enough to want to put my penis in you'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x"

And then a bum?

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

Ahhhh knew it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

Could you manage 2 cakes?

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

Could you manage 2 cakes? "

There is no limit to the amount I can take!

Wait. We are still talking cakes......?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just know when you know and it’s fucking amazing-well sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

As long as I can balance the cherry on my japs eye when I’ve finished

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

Ahhhh knew it..

Aw, Saffy. You wanna share with me?

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

As long as I can balance the cherry on my japs eye when I’ve finished

But I'll have eaten it

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm exactly the same. It doesn't come easily to me and the ease at which I become sexually attracted to others massively fluctuates. I've always identified somewhat as demisexual but I've recently spent a lot of time becoming more comfortable with the fact that I'm very much on the asexual spectrum. I identify a lot with demisexuality (only being sexually attracted to people I have a connection with) grey asexual (only experiencing sexual attraction in specific circumstances) and I've also recently learnt a new term called aceflux (sexual attraction to others fluctuates over time).

It probably sounds like a strange thing to say as a swinger, especially as many hold the misconception that asexual means you don't like sex when asexuality is actually about your sexual attraction to other people. Asexuality is often categorised into three categories - sex repulsed, sex neutral and sex favourable. I mostly am sex favourable though I have brief periods of being sex repulsed. I almost consistently have a high libido as this is another thing that is separate to sexual attraction. (I'm writing all this to general fab rather than specifically you OP so apologies if you know a lot about asexuality already).

So yes, I totally relate to you. I never experience sexual attraction from pictures alone. I have to get to know someone first. My most intense sexual attraction is when I'm in love though even in relationships, sexual attraction is something that grows over time for me. I felt like there was something wrong with me as a teenager as all my friends had celebrity crushes and I don't really get that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

As long as I can balance the cherry on my japs eye when I’ve finished

But I'll have eaten it

Yes but I can retrieve it up chocolate starfish can’t I

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By *o30Woman
over a year ago

Lincoln

I can find a man physically attractive at first sight but its weather i can have a good laugh with them that makes me fancy them more

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

As long as I can balance the cherry on my japs eye when I’ve finished

But I'll have eaten it

Yes but I can retrieve it up chocolate starfish can’t I

Jeez, Rex! That'll take a good 24hrs to work its way through. You'll have to deliver the cake, then call back the next day for your "reward"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can think someone is hot.

But for me to actually want them to put their dick inside me I need more than looks, I need to get to know them. And generally I struggle with more than 1 as I really need that connection

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"I'm exactly the same. It doesn't come easily to me and the ease at which I become sexually attracted to others massively fluctuates. I've always identified somewhat as demisexual but I've recently spent a lot of time becoming more comfortable with the fact that I'm very much on the asexual spectrum. I identify a lot with demisexuality (only being sexually attracted to people I have a connection with) grey asexual (only experiencing sexual attraction in specific circumstances) and I've also recently learnt a new term called aceflux (sexual attraction to others fluctuates over time).

Thanks Lacey

this makes a lot of sense and something I’ve been reading up on.. it’s such a fascinating subject and I totally get feeling weird for not ‘crushing’.. it’s not something people consider often as we only know how we feel, not how others see things. I’ve never been able to articulate it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fancy some chocolate cake but I can’t

Is that a euphemism?

No, it’s the actual chocolate cake I miss

Thank god for that!

Can never with you

I need a Costco Black Forest Gateau in my tummy x

And then a bum?

Bring me the cake & I'll let you bum me

As long as I can balance the cherry on my japs eye when I’ve finished

But I'll have eaten it

Yes but I can retrieve it up chocolate starfish can’t I

Jeez, Rex! That'll take a good 24hrs to work its way through. You'll have to deliver the cake, then call back the next day for your "reward"

You obviously don’t know how ‘deep’ my love is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks Lacey

I always used to have to pretend to like Howard from take that at school as all my friends thought I was weird for not liking anyone.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs

I find attraction first in the photo, a slight tease that compels me to look deeper and start peeling away those layers

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Thanks Lacey

No problem

. I know what you mean. You assume others experience the same as you until enough people describe experiences you don't understand.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Thanks Lacey

I always used to have to pretend to like Howard from take that at school as all my friends thought I was weird for not liking anyone. "

Yeah I faked crushes to "fit in". I don't feel anything sexual towards celebrities or models. Even in terms of "conventional attractiveness", the majority that are famous for being "attractive" seem pretty on par to me and I've no idea how I'm supposed to differentiate.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

For me there are different levels of fancying.

I can absolutely look at pictures (or just someone from afar) and be attracted to them.

The next level up is if I find them pretty and actually like them as a person.

And the top level is if we have *that* connection on top of the above.

I'm a very visual person, and no matter how much I like someone as a person, if that initial attraction isn't there then it's never going to happen...although people can become less attractive if they're a bit of an arse (although that occasionally increases the attraction...hate fuck anyone?)

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By *ixedDevilMan
over a year ago

Bootyville

For me theres two forms of me fancying someone. One is more like an instant attraction to someone that I would want to pursue sexually. The other is more getting to know a girl properly and fancying her as a girlfriend. The second one takes a lot longer than the first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me, fancy= physical attraction, but it takes more than that to go further.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't mind me asking, when did you realise your asexuality aspects?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

If you don't mind me asking, when did you realise your asexuality aspects?

I think it was my early 20s that I found out about demisexuality and really identified with it. I kinda knew it was counted under the asexuality umbrella but I thought that was more along the lines of just finding somewhere to lump it. It wasn't really a label I identified with because I knew I liked sex, I just struggled to find people I wanted to do it with. When I was young I had sex with a lot of people I wasn't really attracted to but I just put that down to being young, horny and easily led.

I began to meet people who identified as asexual including a friend's husband and the more I learnt about it the more I realised that it did actually describe me. It took a while to unlearn a lot of misinformation to really accept that though. Primary sexual attraction basically isn't a thing for me and I can't even imagine what it's like.

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By *ittleCurvyChickWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere over the rainbow

For me fancying someone is a blend of finding them attractive both physically and mentally. It's also about seeing the little flaws in them but not wanting them to change a thing. And yes i can only fancy one person at a time....i guess that makes me useless at the swinging thing lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't mind me asking, when did you realise your asexuality aspects?

Thank you.

Asexuality should be taught in schools alongside LGBTQA etc.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

If you don't mind me asking, when did you realise your asexuality aspects?

Thank you.

Asexuality should be taught in schools alongside LGBTQA etc. "

It definitely would have saved me a lot of agonising over why I didn't feel what my friends did!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So.. talk to me about fancying..

Do you fancy someone instantly?

Can you do it by photo only?

Do you need to know someone to say it?

How many people can you fancy at once?

Do you find fancying easy?

Are there different levels.. ie if you REALLY fancy someone but you still quite fancy others?!?

How I wish I could fancy!!!!

Interesting, i definitely have a type i instantly fancy typically 'hapa women' or women that look like 'SJcurious' or 'appletree1000' - the attraction is instant there.

Most others the attraction blossoms after a conversation

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By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Thanks for this Lacey, it's really insightful.

I can find someone attractive looks-wise, but if our minds don't connect than I don't fancy them. I view the two things as distinct

Whether I find fancying easy is an interesting question, i'd probably lean towards no

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Thanks for this Lacey, it's really insightful.

I can find someone attractive looks-wise, but if our minds don't connect than I don't fancy them. I view the two things as distinct

Whether I find fancying easy is an interesting question, i'd probably lean towards no"

I'm kind of glad to have an opportunity to talk about it on here really. I think it's good to talk about these things for awareness but it's also nice to have positive responses as I thought I'd just get "why the hell are you here?".

I'm really glad people have found it useful.

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By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Thanks for this Lacey, it's really insightful.

I can find someone attractive looks-wise, but if our minds don't connect than I don't fancy them. I view the two things as distinct

Whether I find fancying easy is an interesting question, i'd probably lean towards no

I'm really glad people have found it useful. "

Definitely!

It's an interesting topic and really good to see different people's perspectives

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

It's not often I do fancy people on here anymore, I think I can find a person attractive on a pic, but would need to actually meet and see them to know if I really fancy them.

That's why when I'm meeting, I have a social first, to gage the attraction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But can you only be attracted to people who view attraction in the same way as you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can really like someone instantly but I have to get to know them and their personality to make me fancy them. Everyone likes a bit of window shopping and I could 'love' one 'love everything about/fancy' another but I'm not sure its possible to fancy multiple people without too much complication along the way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Defo can instantly fancy someone .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for this Lacey, it's really insightful.

I can find someone attractive looks-wise, but if our minds don't connect than I don't fancy them. I view the two things as distinct

Whether I find fancying easy is an interesting question, i'd probably lean towards no

I'm really glad people have found it useful. "

Definitely. I think more people are on the Asexual spectrum than they realise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sexual attraction comes from a sexual desire for something or someone, while romantic attraction is the want to have a romantic relationship with someone outside of sex." Or aromantic folks who may enjoy having sex but may not have a desire to be in a romantic partnership.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Sexual attraction comes from a sexual desire for something or someone, while romantic attraction is the want to have a romantic relationship with someone outside of sex." Or aromantic folks who may enjoy having sex but may not have a desire to be in a romantic partnership."
Platonic love involves deep affection, but no romantic or sexual attraction. It's absolutely possible for people of any gender to maintain a friendship without sexual tension or attraction. When you love someone platonically, you might notice some basic signs of love.

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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"But can you only be attracted to people who view attraction in the same way as you?

I don’t thinks it’s essential but for me it’s kinda important to be along the same lines as it’s so rare to fancy anyone. I don’t want someone who then fancies everyone in return..

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

"So.. talk to me about fancying..

Do you fancy someone instantly?

Can you do it by photo only?

Do you need to know someone to say it?

How many people can you fancy at once?

Do you find fancying easy?

Are there different levels.. ie if you REALLY fancy someone but you still quite fancy others?!?

How I wish I could fancy!!!!

I fancy you, and a bag of crisps for breakfast.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But can you only be attracted to people who view attraction in the same way as you?

I don’t thinks it’s essential but for me it’s kinda important to be along the same lines as it’s so rare to fancy anyone. I don’t want someone who then fancies everyone in return.. "

Must be difficult to fancy most on a swinging site.

I just need to understand them, I don’t need to be on the same page (or have the same way of seeing things as them). I just need to understand them….They may not necessarily fancy me back. *I understand this.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Oh I find it easy to fancy someone with a ‘phwoar, they’re a bit of alright’.

But attraction proper is something else. That only tends to happen in person. My other senses have got to be involved for me to start lusting after them.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"But can you only be attracted to people who view attraction in the same way as you?

I don’t thinks it’s essential but for me it’s kinda important to be along the same lines as it’s so rare to fancy anyone. I don’t want someone who then fancies everyone in return.. "

I'm not so bothered. Both my partners definitely have no issues with having the hots for people and it doesn't bother me, as long as they have the hots for me too. Plus our relationships are based on more than that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is definitely a type I have that when I see, I'm almost completely in love with them just based on looks. And not even in a sexual manner but more like we need to get married and have kids

Definitely not something I would bring up to them on the first date...or the first couple of dates

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