FabSwingers.com forum: Monty Python

By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

For all the Monty Python fans out there please come and cheer me up….

What’s your favourite phrase/quote from any of the sketches or movies?

I think mine may be “I fart in your general direction”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What".?...."The curtains".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a quote as such, but the coconut horse gallop makes me crack up

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

The guards scene Holy Grail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

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By *ack and MiriCouple
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I only came here for an argument

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By *atinbootsTV/TS
over a year ago

Market Rasen

“I wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Black knight :tis but a scratch

King Arthur :A scratch? Your arms off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy" lol

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By *obyn GravesTV/TS
over a year ago

1127 walnut avenue

My hovercraft is full of eels..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He wanks very highly in Wome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He wanks very highly in Wome

Vewy*

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By *ubguy12345Man
over a year ago

Stanhope

Not necessarily, I may be arguing in my spare time.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

I wish to purchase a fish licence ...

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By *drian HardthrobMan
over a year ago

Worcester

Bedevere: “What makes you think she is a witch?”

Peasant: “She turned me into a newt.”

Bedevere: “A newt?”

Peasant: “Well I got better.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Silly English Kniggits"

"African or European?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rather a whole sketch if that’s okay but the “confuse-a-cat” skit has always been my absolute favourite.

Closely followed by the tennis playing alien blancmanges who try to win Wimbledon

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Ron is going to eat Chichester cathedral

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By *oroRick1027Man
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

I just spent 4 hours burying the cat.

4 hours?

Yeah, bloody thing wouldn't keep still, wriggling about and howling.

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By *uddy laneMan
over a year ago

dudley

Romanes eunt domus.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Just a flesh wound...

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By *ack688Man
over a year ago

abruzzo Italy (and UK)

And now for something completely different…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not a quote as such, but the coconut horse gallop makes me crack up

( Mr) absolutely hilarious, but my dear lady just doesn’t get the Monty Humour

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Spam spam spam egg chips and spam..

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

It’s not quotable but the fish dance makes me cry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is great

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A waffer thin mint

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is great

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate

U beat me to it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a fwiend in Wome called Biggus Dickus..

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Lucky Mr Johnson pointed that out, eh? You wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad, would you...I said, you wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad, would you, ha, ha, ha?

Hitler … Not much fun in Stalingrad, no.

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Bring me a shrubbery!

Only slightly higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I only came here for an argument "

No you didn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mr. Nesbitt has learned the first lesson of not being seen: not to stand up. However, he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok, we’ll call it a draw

Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've got lumps of it round the back!

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By *he Knight is YoungMan
over a year ago

22 Acacia Ave, Preston-for now

Anyone else have the big red book ?

If you did...

What colour was it

It had the full tab in it for the lumberjack song.

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By *imnher123452000Couple
over a year ago

Worcester

"Excuse me. Are you the Judean People’s Front?”

“F*** off! ‘Judean People’s Front’?. We’re the People’s Front of Judea!'”

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By *ubwife4uCouple
over a year ago

Kent

Are you the judean peoples front?

FUCK OFF we’re the peoples front of judea

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By *ubwife4uCouple
over a year ago

Kent

Bollocks. Just got beaten to that one!

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By *alldarksurreyMan
over a year ago

surrey

[Removed by poster at 12/11/21 20:23:13]

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By *ubwife4uCouple
over a year ago

Kent

How about the whole Stan/Loretta sketch.

Where’s the feotus going to gestate. You going to keep it in a box?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lumber Jack song

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By *alldarksurreyMan
over a year ago

surrey

Whenever life gets you down, Mrs.Brown

And things seem hard or tough

And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft

And you feel that you've had quite enough

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving

And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour

That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned

Around a sun that is the source of all our power

The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see

Are moving at a million miles a day

In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour

In the galaxy we call the 'milky way'

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars

It's a hundred thousand light years side to side

It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick

But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide

We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point

We go 'round every two hundred million years

And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions

In this amazing and expanding universe

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding

In all of the directions it can whizz

As fast as it can go, the speed of light, you know

Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is

So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure

How amazingly unlikely is your birth

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space

'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth

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By *he Knight is YoungMan
over a year ago

22 Acacia Ave, Preston-for now

This parrot is dead...

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By *uminsiderMKMan
over a year ago

St Austell

"Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How to recognise different types of trees from quite a long way away …. Number 1, the larch , the larch , the …. larch

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

PAGE 71

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never seen any of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Huuuuge... Tracts of land.

Use this all the time

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Never seen any of it. "

Whaaatttttt?!

Stop what you’re doing and get it on immediately!

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Never seen any of it. "

Silly. Very silly,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The funniest joke in the world

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Never seen any of it.

Whaaatttttt?!

Stop what you’re doing and get it on immediately!

I'm with this guy...

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By *razzyhorseMan
over a year ago

cambridge

Nudge nudge ... Eh eh ... Know what I mean?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘We are all individuals’

Guy from crowd ‘I’m not’

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By *he Knight is YoungMan
over a year ago

22 Acacia Ave, Preston-for now

Never seen any of it.

Whaaatttttt?!

Stop what you’re doing and get it on immediately!

I'm with this guy..."

Splitter !!!

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Never seen any of it.

Whaaatttttt?!

Stop what you’re doing and get it on immediately!

I'm with this guy...

Splitter !!!

Lecherous wench bedders!

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.

Cheese shop sketch

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By *evilmademedoitMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot. Oh, she is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty, and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon: you must tie her down on a bed and spank her.

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Out of the door. Line on the left. One cross each. NEXT. Crucifixion?

- Freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything, so I could go free and live on an island somewhere.

Oh. Oh, well, that's jolly good. Well, off you go, then.

Naa, I'm only pulling your leg. It's crucifixion, really.

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

“He has a wife you know!”

(Cue oh ffs looks on the guards faces)

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By *uminsiderMKMan
over a year ago

St Austell

"There's a dead bishop on the landing."

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By *unandgamegeekMan
over a year ago

Bolton

This one always cracked me up.

"You fell out of the tall tower, you creep!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bigus dickus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tis bit a scratch

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Kettering

No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle even if they do say Jehovah

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Never seen any of it.

Whaaatttttt?!

Stop what you’re doing and get it on immediately!

It's a right of passage. My kids have been indoctrinated and often make quote

The Knights of Ni

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Three wise men? Doesn't seem very wise to me creeping around in a cow shed at 2 o'clock in the morning

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By *mmMandyTV/TS
over a year ago

Southampton

is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Oh you lucky bastard, you lucky bastard, proper jailers pet ain't you. I've been hanging here for 5 years and they turned me the right way up yesterday

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By *mmMandyTV/TS
over a year ago

Southampton

naw, thats him over there

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

[Removed by poster at 12/11/21 22:49:07]

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Just a waffer thin mint?

Fuck off I'm full!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are the knights who say...Ni

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

Brian

Bwian eh!?

No no Brian!

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

“Full-frontal nudity?……….

….not in this part of Esher”

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By *hunderace...Man
over a year ago

Dudley

"For all the Monty Python fans out there please come and cheer me up….

What’s your favourite phrase/quote from any of the sketches or movies?

I think mine may be “I fart in your general direction”.

I saw one of Elvis's Memphis Mafia interviewed on tv once, The King loved Monty Python and his favorite film was the Holy Grail. As his enterage did what ever he said he had one of them go out and get some coconuts to cut in half so he could trot and gallop around Graceland followed by half a dozen of his pals clip clopping in time to his feet all shouting encouraging comments like "oh well done my lord... well taken there good Sir Knight"

They also replayed his favorite scene all shouting "Ni, Ni...Nnnni,!!" At each other. I've never looked at Elvis in quite the same way since

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It has to be the Waffer Theeeeen miiint.

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By *ufia SnowbunnyTV/TS
over a year ago

Hastings

It's da bishop!

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

Welease Woderick

Whats the terminal velocity of the south african swallow?

Nudge nudge wink wink

Beautiful plumage

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By *eardyBikerMan
over a year ago

nr stonehaven

Castle anthrax..

"Oooh, a spanking , a spanking "

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I found this spoon, sir.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well, how'd you become king, then?"

"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king."

"Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony..."

"Be quiet!"

"...You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!"

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

Dinsdale!

Minister for silly walks.

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By *lim Jim 69Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I fart in your general direction

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“He’s not the Messiah – he’s a very naughty boy.”

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By *mmMandyTV/TS
over a year ago

Southampton

"I found this spoon, sir. "

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

Markfield

"My Hovercraft is full of eels"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(snake)

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Fish slapping still makes me giggle.... as does the reaction of the guy who took the vow of silence once he saw the crowd coming in Life of Brian.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"the Lama is a quadruped"

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Albatross

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

‘Jailer, how many have come through?’

‘Ninety ffffff…..’

‘Ninety six, sir’

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

I’m Brian, and so’s my wife!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Jehovah Jehovah

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Jehovah Jehovah

You're only making it worse....

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Dinsdaaaale

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

I enjoy the drill sergeant sketch:

"Well? Does anyone else have anything they'd rather be doing g than marching h-up and down the square?"

"I've got a good book I'd like to finish."

"Oh would you now?... Right, off you pop then."

LvM

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Prejudice

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By *tephanjMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition. Oh and of course the dead parrot sketch

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Right, you can't get a good glass of Chateau du Chasseur, ey, Josiah?

Hey- Right there ya', Hobodeiah.

Who'd a' thought 40 years ago we' be sitting here drinking chateau du chasseur?

Aye.

Them's days you'd be glad to have the prize of a cup o'tea.

Aye. A cuppa' cold tea.

Not milk or sugar!

Or tea...

in a cracked cup and all.

We never had a cup. We used to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

Best we could manage was to suck on a piece o'damp cloth.

But you now we were happy those days, but we were poor.

Because we were poor.

My old dad used to say to me: "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son."

He was right! I was happier then. We had nothing-- use to live in a tiny old, tumbled down house with great holes in' err roof.

A house? You were lucky to have a house! We used to sleep in one room, 26 of us. And half the floor was missing. We were all huddled in one corner, for fear of falling.

You were lucky to have a room. We used to live in corridors.

Oh...We used to dream 'a livin' in a corridor. Woulda' been a palace for us. We used to live in an old watertank on top of a rubbish tip. Got Woked up every mornin by havin the lot of the rotten fish dumped all over us.

House? Why woulda say house? It were only a hole in the ground, covered by a couple foot o torn canvas. But they were house to us!

We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go livin in lake.

You were lucky to have a lake.There were 150 of us, livin in shoebox at middle o' motorway.

Cardboard box?

Nay.

You're lucky. We lived for three months in a rolled up newspaper in a septic tank. We used to hadta get up a'six in the morning, clean da newspaper, eat a crusta stale bread, go to work down the mill, for a 14 hour day, week in week out for 6 cents a month, and when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt.

Luxury. We used to hafta get 'out the lake, 3 am, clean the lake, eat a handful 'o hot gravel, work 20 hours a day at mill, for a penny a month, and dad would beat us about the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky.

Well o course we had it tough. We used to have to get up outta shoebox, in middle of night, and lick the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked at mill for 24 hours for a penny a year, When we got home, our dad would slash it in two with bread-knife.

Right.. I used to get up in the morning at night at half-past-ten at night, half an hour before I went to bed, Eat a lump of freezing cold poison, work 28 hours a day at mill, and pay da mill owner to let us work there. And when I went home our dad used to murder us in cold blood, each night, and dance about on our graves, singing hallelujah.

Yah, you try an tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you...

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

[Removed by poster at 13/11/21 14:56:56]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For all the Monty Python fans out there please come and cheer me up….

What’s your favourite phrase/quote from any of the sketches or movies?

I think mine may be “I fart in your general direction”.

That's mine as well, frequently use it

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

I notice that nobody has dared to mention the, "Hello Bruce" sketch. Could that because it's not politically correct to enforce rule number 1, and rule number 3. And if brought into the public domain may result in John Cleese not being particularly welcome in some other social circles. As everyone rushes to you tube to find out what rules number 1 and 3 are.

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

Well this thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

Consider me cheered up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now, let me fill you in! I’m leading this expedition and we’re going to climb both peaks of mount Kilimanjaro…

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I’ve only ever seen about half of life of Brian

Where should I start? I feel like I’ve missed out on something historical by not seeing any

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

https://youtu.be/T8XeDvKqI4E

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

"I’ve only ever seen about half of life of Brian

Where should I start? I feel like I’ve missed out on something historical by not seeing any "

Start it again and watch the whole thing. Then watch all the others! I notice different hidden nuggets every time I watch them! And I’ve watched them about 100 times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Albatross!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Lord... you are so very big.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are the knights that like to say Nigghhh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love MP. Went to see Spamalot in the West End when it came out.

On a seperat note, the Billy Connelly bit about the last supper is well worth a watch/listen. Fucking brilliant

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

"I’ve only ever seen about half of life of Brian

Where should I start? I feel like I’ve missed out on something historical by not seeing any "

Watch it on Christmas Day beginning to end.

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

"I only came here for an argument "

No you didn’t

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

My nipples explode with the light, Hungarian phrase book sketch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

This! 100%

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

""Well, how'd you become king, then?"

"Be quiet!"

"...You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!""

Listen mush if I went round proclaiming I was an empora because some moisten bint lobbed a shicmeter at me they would lick me away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's not pinin'! he's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! he's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!

THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

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By *issYeuxBleus OP Woman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

“ Excuse me. Are you the Judean People’s Front?”

“Fuck off! ‘Judean People’s Front’?. We’re the People’s Front of Judea!”

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

"Are you the judean peoples front?

FUCK OFF we’re the peoples front of judea "

I thought we were the peoples popular front

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And the songs….

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me

I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too

I love to hear you oralize

When I'm between your thighs

You blow me away

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you

I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly

Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine

If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places

And play, 'til we're blown away

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"I’ve only ever seen about half of life of Brian

Where should I start? I feel like I’ve missed out on something historical by not seeing any "

That is the atomic version

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By *aughtycouple1008Couple
over a year ago

west london

Bigus Dickus lol

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By *ampshirehotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

This is an ex parrot....

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

The killer joke..

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By *illyjohnyCouple
over a year ago

brighton

Strike him weely woughly Woderwick

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By *unmatt888Man
over a year ago

Duns

He’s just pining for the fjords…

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

End of 4 Yorkshiremen:

“And if you told the youth of today that...

they wouldn’t believe you!”

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Hell’s Grannies

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

Do you want to come back to my place…. bouncy bouncy?

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By *ickeyblueeyes7Man
over a year ago

newport

And when you do get to your half built Algerian ruin there’s no water in the pool, no water in the toilet and only a bloody lizard in the bidet

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By *he Regina PhalangeWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

The stoning scene in Life of Brian.

Brian: Why can’t women go to stoning, mum?

Mum: Cos it’s written, that’s why!

‘Are there any women here today?’

High pitched lady no’s become deep manly no’s.

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