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"Never knew this had a name but yes, I do have an experience with this, two in fact. They both made me so hooked to their affectionate side that I've been willing to put up with their rejections over and over again for years. Never again! K" | |||
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"I have been love bombed many times, it can be hard especially on this platform to determine those which are genuine with there compliments and those hoping to gain something from them. I find the more time someone invests in getting to know you the more natural the compliment feels, that said there are people who just like to blow smoke up your arse or are purely expecting a compliment in return. Xx " Hence the anti-smoke buttplug?.. | |||
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"I have been love bombed many times, it can be hard especially on this platform to determine those which are genuine with there compliments and those hoping to gain something from them. I find the more time someone invests in getting to know you the more natural the compliment feels, that said there are people who just like to blow smoke up your arse or are purely expecting a compliment in return. Xx Hence the anti-smoke buttplug?.." Haha very good! | |||
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"It’s slightly different to what you explained. Love Bombing is an intentional form of manipulation. It’s not the same as someone doing those things for genuine reasons. Also, love bombing tends to come alongside a sudden end or pause to the love & affection. It’s designed to create emotional turmoil and make the recipient crave more love and attention again. At that point they are then under the control of the other person. " So you don't know whether it's genuine or manipulation unless it stops? If it stops, is it manipulation or have the couple just got comfortable with each other and these things are accepted and acknowledged without the need for constant verbal re-affirmation? | |||
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"Never knew this had a name but yes, I do have an experience with this, two in fact. They both made me so hooked to their affectionate side that I've been willing to put up with their rejections over and over again for years. Never again! K" Like everything it's existed since humans have existed and now it's got it's latest label. It will fall into misuse along with 'narcissist' which seems to be the most widely incorrectly used label and gaslighting which is set to overtake soon.... Being 'over attentive' can happen anywhere from your waiter , your new lover , or the vaccination nurse I had to endure two days ago .... Some people behave that way for very different reasons. I'm not the type that appreciates the overly attentive type. I tend to see it as needy for whatever reason. | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... " People feel things in different ways at different times. Doesn't automatically mean they are not feeling it - you are right..... Quick to boil , quick to cool | |||
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"I don’t think I’ve experienced personally. Men who come on too heavy too soon make me run for the hills as a rule. I occasionally think I’ve caught a glimpse of it on the forums though, and that’s a good filter. Whether I’m right or wrong I don’t know." Occasionally??? It happens often. They dance like dolphins on every thread , regardless of what it's about and then ..... Pfffffffftttzzzzzzz dead in the water. Got a love a public performance. | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... People feel things in different ways at different times. Doesn't automatically mean they are not feeling it - you are right..... Quick to boil , quick to cool " It did send warning signals to my brain, foolishly didn't listen to them..the relationship lasted about 18 months. Lesson learnt | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... People feel things in different ways at different times. Doesn't automatically mean they are not feeling it - you are right..... Quick to boil , quick to cool It did send warning signals to my brain, foolishly didn't listen to them..the relationship lasted about 18 months. Lesson learnt " Nah ..... unlearn that lesson , take love as and when it comes...... nowt's forever in any case | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... People feel things in different ways at different times. Doesn't automatically mean they are not feeling it - you are right..... Quick to boil , quick to cool It did send warning signals to my brain, foolishly didn't listen to them..the relationship lasted about 18 months. Lesson learnt Nah ..... unlearn that lesson , take love as and when it comes...... nowt's forever in any case " Granny knows best | |||
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"I'm definitely not a love bomber and I'm sadly cynical enough to be immediately suspicious of anyone who does it to me. Nobody on God's green earth is that enthusiastic about meeting me! " Your verifications show otherwise | |||
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"What is it?" It's when you detonate your love device all over someone. | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... People feel things in different ways at different times. Doesn't automatically mean they are not feeling it - you are right..... Quick to boil , quick to cool It did send warning signals to my brain, foolishly didn't listen to them..the relationship lasted about 18 months. Lesson learnt Nah ..... unlearn that lesson , take love as and when it comes...... nowt's forever in any case " I would disagree, it pays to learn red flag signals, and listen to our gut. I should say, this isn’t aimed at anyone in particular, just a general musing. | |||
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"What is it? It's when you detonate your love device all over someone. " Time warp | |||
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"What is it?" As per Wikipedia: "Another sign of love bombing is being intensely showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with the predator so that the victim feels or is made to believe that all this is a sign of "love at first sight". Since such signs of affection and affirmation may meet felt needs and not look harmful at the surface, the excitement of such a new relationship often does not appear as cause for alarm. However, after the initial excitement, when the victim shows interest or care about anything beyond their new partner, the manipulator may show anger, passive-aggressive behavior, or accuse the victims of selfishness. If the victim does not comply to demands, the devaluation stage begins: the abuser withdraws all affection or positive reinforcement and instead punishes the victim with whatever they feel is appropriate—shouting, beratement, mind games, silent treatment, or even physical abuse." K | |||
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"What is it? It's when you detonate your love device all over someone. Time warp" It's astounding. | |||
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"What is it? It's when you detonate your love device all over someone. Time warp It's astounding. " Could be fleeting | |||
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"What is it? It's when you detonate your love device all over someone. " You're such a wise love bomber. | |||
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"What is it? It's when you detonate your love device all over someone. You're such a wise love bomber. " Just be careful not to get caught by the fapnel. | |||
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"Oh I only say what I mean" What do you mean? | |||
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"I have but I'm a slow burner in relationships so I personally find it a bit annoying or it just freaks me out if they're talking long term or professing their love too soon. " love this post… and you… | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile!" Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile!" It is so hard to not go in the opposite direction and push away someone genuine when that's happened | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years?" No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! It is so hard to not go in the opposite direction and push away someone genuine when that's happened " I had some counselling which helped. I did find someone totally genuine who didn't love bomb me. So I hope I can again! | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. " For 19 years? | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile!" I’m sorry | |||
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"I don’t think I’ve experienced personally. Men who come on too heavy too soon make me run for the hills as a rule. I occasionally think I’ve caught a glimpse of it on the forums though, and that’s a good filter. Whether I’m right or wrong I don’t know. Occasionally??? It happens often. They dance like dolphins on every thread , regardless of what it's about and then ..... Pfffffffftttzzzzzzz dead in the water. Got a love a public performance." And when it all goes tits up they can't help but make it public with their new target | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years?" What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. " I guess it's the length of time that I can't wrap my head around. Or that a relationship that lasted so long can be characterised by a single phenomenon | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. " I am being defensive but I'm not long enough out to be past it all. The subtle ways that he let me know how shit I was still jump back into my head. | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. I guess it's the length of time that I can't wrap my head around. Or that a relationship that lasted so long can be characterised by a single phenomenon " I know several other women who have had LTRs where this happened. It's incremental. It creeps in. I had long periods of depression. Four kids in 5 years. I was very unhappy but I blamed me. And..so did he. | |||
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"I will compliment without being gushing, it's usually a feature like eyes or a nice smile. I get embarrassed receiving compliments and am apt to make some stupid comment if in person." It's the gushing that's just a red flag tbh. I give men compliments and I accept them from men in the manner they're given. It's the OTT ones that are just unnecessary and quite icky - it's like they're trying to convince you they're great so you will fuck then. | |||
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"I don’t think I’ve experienced personally. Men who come on too heavy too soon make me run for the hills as a rule. I occasionally think I’ve caught a glimpse of it on the forums though, and that’s a good filter. Whether I’m right or wrong I don’t know. Occasionally??? It happens often. They dance like dolphins on every thread , regardless of what it's about and then ..... Pfffffffftttzzzzzzz dead in the water. Got a love a public performance. And when it all goes tits up they can't help but make it public with their new target " I can’t help but think that twisting this thread to make digs at others is rather low. If people choose to profess their latest crush, that’s up to them. Taking delight in the ride and fall of romances feels a touch macabre and vicious to me | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! It is so hard to not go in the opposite direction and push away someone genuine when that's happened I had some counselling which helped. I did find someone totally genuine who didn't love bomb me. So I hope I can again! " You will. I have faith It is more common in a LTR than people think or hope. And happens to men as well as women, although it is less well publicised. Well done for getting out. And well done for being able to see it and actually move on | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! I’m sorry " I think you've experienced this too Hippy. So many people, sometimes the stories make me sob. | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! It is so hard to not go in the opposite direction and push away someone genuine when that's happened I had some counselling which helped. I did find someone totally genuine who didn't love bomb me. So I hope I can again! You will. I have faith It is more common in a LTR than people think or hope. And happens to men as well as women, although it is less well publicised. Well done for getting out. And well done for being able to see it and actually move on " Thank you lovely. It certainly does happen to men and much tougher for them to speak up and gain support. | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. I guess it's the length of time that I can't wrap my head around. Or that a relationship that lasted so long can be characterised by a single phenomenon " I'm not sure she did characterise anything by a single phenomenon. She said love bombing was the start of a relationship that kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. If you don't think someone can be gaslit for 19 years or that such a relationship is that and nothing else you clearly haven't ever experienced it yourself. That's not said to attack you or offend, just that I know you wouldn't think of asking that question if you'd lived through similar. Mr | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. I guess it's the length of time that I can't wrap my head around. Or that a relationship that lasted so long can be characterised by a single phenomenon I'm not sure she did characterise anything by a single phenomenon. She said love bombing was the start of a relationship that kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. If you don't think someone can be gaslit for 19 years or that such a relationship is that and nothing else you clearly haven't ever experienced it yourself. That's not said to attack you or offend, just that I know you wouldn't think of asking that question if you'd lived through similar. Mr" I don't feel attacked or offended, so that's okay. I'm struggling to understand how such a long relationship can happen when, after it ends, one party positions themselves as the wronged and the blame is apportioned to the other party. Surely there would be some kind of realisation earlier on that things aren't right. I won't share any of my personal relationship experiences, but at 51, it's safe to presume there are some and the fact that I'm single indicates they didn't work out | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. I guess it's the length of time that I can't wrap my head around. Or that a relationship that lasted so long can be characterised by a single phenomenon I'm not sure she did characterise anything by a single phenomenon. She said love bombing was the start of a relationship that kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. If you don't think someone can be gaslit for 19 years or that such a relationship is that and nothing else you clearly haven't ever experienced it yourself. That's not said to attack you or offend, just that I know you wouldn't think of asking that question if you'd lived through similar. Mr I don't feel attacked or offended, so that's okay. I'm struggling to understand how such a long relationship can happen when, after it ends, one party positions themselves as the wronged and the blame is apportioned to the other party. Surely there would be some kind of realisation earlier on that things aren't right. I won't share any of my personal relationship experiences, but at 51, it's safe to presume there are some and the fact that I'm single indicates they didn't work out " I agree that any relationship has two sides and there is nothing to say that one side is ask good or all bad, many dysfunctional relationships have issues both ways. I've seen terrible relationships with awful behaviours where the two have separated and gone on to have healthy loving relationships. That isn't victim blaming, it's simply that we all react differently in different situations. I don't know this lady, I don't know what else was involved in her relationship, how good a partner she was, whether she hurt her partner. I do know though that it is quite possible to settle into patterns of behaviour that only by looking back can you see the warning signs (lovebombing in this instance) and how they fitted into an overall pattern that you're not aware of living through. If she had said she had been physically abused for 19 years would you question how that can happen? I ask because any person who hasn't been through that will find this a really hard idea to understand yet we all know these things happen. Mr | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. I guess it's the length of time that I can't wrap my head around. Or that a relationship that lasted so long can be characterised by a single phenomenon I'm not sure she did characterise anything by a single phenomenon. She said love bombing was the start of a relationship that kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. If you don't think someone can be gaslit for 19 years or that such a relationship is that and nothing else you clearly haven't ever experienced it yourself. That's not said to attack you or offend, just that I know you wouldn't think of asking that question if you'd lived through similar. Mr I don't feel attacked or offended, so that's okay. I'm struggling to understand how such a long relationship can happen when, after it ends, one party positions themselves as the wronged and the blame is apportioned to the other party. Surely there would be some kind of realisation earlier on that things aren't right. I won't share any of my personal relationship experiences, but at 51, it's safe to presume there are some and the fact that I'm single indicates they didn't work out I agree that any relationship has two sides and there is nothing to say that one side is ask good or all bad, many dysfunctional relationships have issues both ways. I've seen terrible relationships with awful behaviours where the two have separated and gone on to have healthy loving relationships. That isn't victim blaming, it's simply that we all react differently in different situations. I don't know this lady, I don't know what else was involved in her relationship, how good a partner she was, whether she hurt her partner. I do know though that it is quite possible to settle into patterns of behaviour that only by looking back can you see the warning signs (lovebombing in this instance) and how they fitted into an overall pattern that you're not aware of living through. If she had said she had been physically abused for 19 years would you question how that can happen? I ask because any person who hasn't been through that will find this a really hard idea to understand yet we all know these things happen. Mr" As always, Mr, you sum these things up so well. Posh | |||
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" If she had said she had been physically abused for 19 years would you question how that can happen? I ask because any person who hasn't been through that will find this a really hard idea to understand yet we all know these things happen. Mr" I think most would be very aware of physical abuse...it's the being unaware of the gaslighting until the relationship is over I struggle to understand. I'm not making comment about the complexities involved in ending relationships, but I'm aware | |||
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" If she had said she had been physically abused for 19 years would you question how that can happen? I ask because any person who hasn't been through that will find this a really hard idea to understand yet we all know these things happen. Mr I think most would be very aware of physical abuse...it's the being unaware of the gaslighting until the relationship is over I struggle to understand. I'm not making comment about the complexities involved in ending relationships, but I'm aware " Ah, then I think I've misunderstood you. Your issue isn't that she stayed for 19 years of gaslighting but that she was unaware of it - with the assumption that it isn't possible to gaslight someone who is aware of what you're doing? Mr | |||
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" If she had said she had been physically abused for 19 years would you question how that can happen? I ask because any person who hasn't been through that will find this a really hard idea to understand yet we all know these things happen. Mr I think most would be very aware of physical abuse...it's the being unaware of the gaslighting until the relationship is over I struggle to understand. I'm not making comment about the complexities involved in ending relationships, but I'm aware " I started a thread a while ago called Gaslighting. Perhaps reading other stories might help you to understand. Emotional abuse like physical abuse usually ramps up as time goes on so those affected are already in deep and love the person who is abusing. They don't even recognise that their reality is one they shouldn't tolerate. What I experienced is low level compared to some people on that thread. It was my first serious relationship. I had nothing to compare it to. I became very depressed after I had a termination and more vulnerable to his insinuations and suggestions. It just kept on. And on. Until I was miserable but thought he was a decent guy so why should I be. He's married to someone else now and is probably doing the same to her. | |||
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"Doesn't there come a point in life where we realise that relationships that are likely to have more longevity build slowly rather than hot and heavy beginnings " The kind of emotional time and energy of very fast intense relationships is unsustainable. I had a friend who was love bombed. It chewed her up and spat her out. Not the same person afterwards. | |||
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"It’s slightly different to what you explained. Love Bombing is an intentional form of manipulation. It’s not the same as someone doing those things for genuine reasons. Also, love bombing tends to come alongside a sudden end or pause to the love & affection. It’s designed to create emotional turmoil and make the recipient crave more love and attention again. At that point they are then under the control of the other person. " I’m not sure it’s intentional as in, done with a plan. I just think some people go balls deep into a relationship straight away. On FaceTime for hours every night (for gods sake you are 42). Some men are so desperate and insecure to get their claws into a woman before anyone else does. It’s their way of securing her first. It’s unsustainable. | |||
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"Just sitting here, reading through some of the forums from today, and came across a lovebomb comment. Me, personally, never knew this was even a thing, but then again, in here, everything that’s anything is a ‘thing’ , so I shouldn’t be surprised haha And all of a sudden everyone is an expert, but with varying levels of expertise, and understandings…but this can be said in the majority of threads, so I get that. One question I do have to the experts in here is that it all seems one sided in terms of one individual being a love bomber….but what if it is affection, not caring what others think and that it’s then reciprocated. Does reciprocation counteract a love bomber, so there are two love bombers bombing each other, or is it two love bombers a double whammy….and my god, what if it’s a three way love bombing going on? There’s gonna be a right old love bombing mess Anyway, I’m off back to sleep (mic drop)" Not sure it's about being an expert, more people discussing what a particular expression means to them. Prior to this thread I thought of love bombing being where someone showers their partner with "love" for a short time before this fades away. To my mind it could fade simply for the same reason some people obsess about the latest shiny toy then loose interest in it. From this thread it seems that to many others there needs to be a deliberate element to the behaviour. In my world the answer to your question is that such a relationship is likely to be very hot, passionate and flashy but over quickly. In a world where love bombing is deliberate I don't know what the answer is. I suspect that it simply wouldn't happen because that very act of deliberation implies a selection process to find someone susceptible. Another lovebomber/narcissist/abuser (delete as you wish) would never get through this selection process. Mr | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... " I know a lady on here, who after chatting to a guy on FaceTime a few times, met him. On their first actual meet he told her he was in love with her. That is not love, but infatuation. | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. I am being defensive but I'm not long enough out to be past it all. The subtle ways that he let me know how shit I was still jump back into my head. " | |||
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"Just sitting here, reading through some of the forums from today, and came across a lovebomb comment. Me, personally, never knew this was even a thing, but then again, in here, everything that’s anything is a ‘thing’ , so I shouldn’t be surprised haha And all of a sudden everyone is an expert, but with varying levels of expertise, and understandings…but this can be said in the majority of threads, so I get that. One question I do have to the experts in here is that it all seems one sided in terms of one individual being a love bomber….but what if it is affection, not caring what others think and that it’s then reciprocated. Does reciprocation counteract a love bomber, so there are two love bombers bombing each other, or is it two love bombers a double whammy….and my god, what if it’s a three way love bombing going on? There’s gonna be a right old love bombing mess Anyway, I’m off back to sleep (mic drop) Not sure it's about being an expert, more people discussing what a particular expression means to them. Prior to this thread I thought of love bombing being where someone showers their partner with "love" for a short time before this fades away. To my mind it could fade simply for the same reason some people obsess about the latest shiny toy then loose interest in it. From this thread it seems that to many others there needs to be a deliberate element to the behaviour. In my world the answer to your question is that such a relationship is likely to be very hot, passionate and flashy but over quickly. In a world where love bombing is deliberate I don't know what the answer is. I suspect that it simply wouldn't happen because that very act of deliberation implies a selection process to find someone susceptible. Another lovebomber/narcissist/abuser (delete as you wish) would never get through this selection process. Mr" I’m simply being observant and trying to look at this from all angles - as I tend to do. But one thing I have noticed is that they are all opinions, and fairly few actual experiences…as with many threads. | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... I know a lady on here, who after chatting to a guy on FaceTime a few times, met him. On their first actual meet he told her he was in love with her. That is not love, but infatuation. " In your opinion… Myself and my ex partner spent several months chatting, talking and video calling. Having spent 5 mins in each other’s company, we knew how we felt and spent nearly 2 years together. It’s easy to dismiss the feelings of others if we don’t understand them but don’t be so quick to judge others experiences based on yours | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... I know a lady on here, who after chatting to a guy on FaceTime a few times, met him. On their first actual meet he told her he was in love with her. That is not love, but infatuation. In your opinion… Myself and my ex partner spent several months chatting, talking and video calling. Having spent 5 mins in each other’s company, we knew how we felt and spent nearly 2 years together. It’s easy to dismiss the feelings of others if we don’t understand them but don’t be so quick to judge others experiences based on yours" Do you think if you'd taken things a bit more slowly it would have lasted longer? | |||
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"Yes I experienced it, now I’d run a mile. I didn’t recognise what was happening, and was heavily pregnant when he first took that affection away, though that was temporary. I fought to get it back and set up a pattern of it throughout our 22 year marriage. I don’t love bomb myself as now I’m too cautious to admit feelings for anyone. X " Oh Angie, that sounds absolutely crap. | |||
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"This happened to me and kicked off 19 years of gaslighting. So very wary of compliments, treats, attention and especially gifts. I'd run a mile! Are you saying that you were unhappy during all of those 19 years? No I'm saying I was gaslighted. I didn't know that was happening. For 19 years? What are you querying? That I didn't know or that it didn't happen? I started to realise once he'd moved out. I am being defensive but I'm not long enough out to be past it all. The subtle ways that he let me know how shit I was still jump back into my head. " Thank you. I appreciate that | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... I know a lady on here, who after chatting to a guy on FaceTime a few times, met him. On their first actual meet he told her he was in love with her. That is not love, but infatuation. In your opinion… Myself and my ex partner spent several months chatting, talking and video calling. Having spent 5 mins in each other’s company, we knew how we felt and spent nearly 2 years together. It’s easy to dismiss the feelings of others if we don’t understand them but don’t be so quick to judge others experiences based on yours Do you think if you'd taken things a bit more slowly it would have lasted longer?" Potentially, yes, there's a possibility it might have lasted longer if we had taken things slower. Ultimately though, we just weren't compatible long term and would have discovered that at a later point anyway x | |||
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"It’s slightly different to what you explained. Love Bombing is an intentional form of manipulation. It’s not the same as someone doing those things for genuine reasons. Also, love bombing tends to come alongside a sudden end or pause to the love & affection. It’s designed to create emotional turmoil and make the recipient crave more love and attention again. At that point they are then under the control of the other person. So you don't know whether it's genuine or manipulation unless it stops? If it stops, is it manipulation or have the couple just got comfortable with each other and these things are accepted and acknowledged without the need for constant verbal re-affirmation? " Nope Not just being comfortable. But a sudden and complete withdrawal of any affection whatsoever. A total disinterest and often negative behavior replaces it - shouting, berating and demeaning. Maybe even cutting contact from the other person for periods of time. | |||
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"Yes I experienced it, now I’d run a mile. I didn’t recognise what was happening, and was heavily pregnant when he first took that affection away, though that was temporary. I fought to get it back and set up a pattern of it throughout our 22 year marriage. I don’t love bomb myself as now I’m too cautious to admit feelings for anyone. X Oh Angie, that sounds absolutely crap. " Not a time of my life I wish to go through again. Thank you x | |||
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"Yes I experienced it, now I’d run a mile. I didn’t recognise what was happening, and was heavily pregnant when he first took that affection away, though that was temporary. I fought to get it back and set up a pattern of it throughout our 22 year marriage. I don’t love bomb myself as now I’m too cautious to admit feelings for anyone. X Oh Angie, that sounds absolutely crap. Not a time of my life I wish to go through again. Thank you x " That sounds awful Angie | |||
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"Only bombing I do is into the swimming pool... " Not allowed. Nor petting. | |||
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"False promises never! Give compliments if deserved and if i like the guy. Should never put anyone on a pedestal, Because you never know their true intentions you have to really know someone. " Yes pretty much this. All compliments are deserved. | |||
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"False promises never! Give compliments if deserved and if i like the guy. Should never put anyone on a pedestal, Because you never know their true intentions you have to really know someone. Yes pretty much this. All compliments are deserved. " So true! | |||
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"Yes I experienced it, now I’d run a mile. I didn’t recognise what was happening, and was heavily pregnant when he first took that affection away, though that was temporary. I fought to get it back and set up a pattern of it throughout our 22 year marriage. I don’t love bomb myself as now I’m too cautious to admit feelings for anyone. X Oh Angie, that sounds absolutely crap. Not a time of my life I wish to go through again. Thank you x That sounds awful Angie " It was, he didn’t even kiss me for the last 10 years of our marriage. I was very lonely and starved of affection. X | |||
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" I’m simply being observant and trying to look at this from all angles - as I tend to do. But one thing I have noticed is that they are all opinions, and fairly few actual experiences…as with many threads. " The OP literally ends with "what are your thoughts?" Not really surprising then that the thread is full of people's thoughts .... Mr | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... I know a lady on here, who after chatting to a guy on FaceTime a few times, met him. On their first actual meet he told her he was in love with her. That is not love, but infatuation. In your opinion… Myself and my ex partner spent several months chatting, talking and video calling. Having spent 5 mins in each other’s company, we knew how we felt and spent nearly 2 years together. It’s easy to dismiss the feelings of others if we don’t understand them but don’t be so quick to judge others experiences based on yours Do you think if you'd taken things a bit more slowly it would have lasted longer?" You’re missing the whole point of my post. No, I don’t | |||
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"Yes I experienced it, now I’d run a mile. I didn’t recognise what was happening, and was heavily pregnant when he first took that affection away, though that was temporary. I fought to get it back and set up a pattern of it throughout our 22 year marriage. I don’t love bomb myself as now I’m too cautious to admit feelings for anyone. X Oh Angie, that sounds absolutely crap. Not a time of my life I wish to go through again. Thank you x That sounds awful Angie It was, he didn’t even kiss me for the last 10 years of our marriage. I was very lonely and starved of affection. X " I’m sorry My ex didn’t kiss me for the last 5 years and it’s only just occurred to me that this was quite a deliberate act. Do you think it was for you? | |||
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"Yes I experienced it, now I’d run a mile. I didn’t recognise what was happening, and was heavily pregnant when he first took that affection away, though that was temporary. I fought to get it back and set up a pattern of it throughout our 22 year marriage. I don’t love bomb myself as now I’m too cautious to admit feelings for anyone. X Oh Angie, that sounds absolutely crap. Not a time of my life I wish to go through again. Thank you x That sounds awful Angie It was, he didn’t even kiss me for the last 10 years of our marriage. I was very lonely and starved of affection. X I’m sorry My ex didn’t kiss me for the last 5 years and it’s only just occurred to me that this was quite a deliberate act. Do you think it was for you? " Oh yes, he was fully aware of what he did and how it made me feel. He laughed about it, and made fun of me. Even in public, but I was so low I just thought it was what I deserved x | |||
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"Yes I experienced it, now I’d run a mile. I didn’t recognise what was happening, and was heavily pregnant when he first took that affection away, though that was temporary. I fought to get it back and set up a pattern of it throughout our 22 year marriage. I don’t love bomb myself as now I’m too cautious to admit feelings for anyone. X Oh Angie, that sounds absolutely crap. Not a time of my life I wish to go through again. Thank you x That sounds awful Angie It was, he didn’t even kiss me for the last 10 years of our marriage. I was very lonely and starved of affection. X I’m sorry My ex didn’t kiss me for the last 5 years and it’s only just occurred to me that this was quite a deliberate act. Do you think it was for you? Oh yes, he was fully aware of what he did and how it made me feel. He laughed about it, and made fun of me. Even in public, but I was so low I just thought it was what I deserved x " What an bastard. | |||
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"My ex told me he loved me within about 3 weeks of dating. Looking back on it, I don't think he was lying or trying to trick me, just caught up in the moment... I know a lady on here, who after chatting to a guy on FaceTime a few times, met him. On their first actual meet he told her he was in love with her. That is not love, but infatuation. In your opinion… Myself and my ex partner spent several months chatting, talking and video calling. Having spent 5 mins in each other’s company, we knew how we felt and spent nearly 2 years together. It’s easy to dismiss the feelings of others if we don’t understand them but don’t be so quick to judge others experiences based on yours Do you think if you'd taken things a bit more slowly it would have lasted longer? You’re missing the whole point of my post. No, I don’t" I don't think I am | |||
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"I have experienced this but don’t like the phrase love bombing at all. It has nothing to do with love and is simply control. " This | |||
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"Its taken the best part of my adult life but I have a genuine love bomber in my man. Its been explosive from both sides for nearly 2 years and long may it bloody continue. " Love bombing in the context of this thread is not a good thing. It sounds like what you have is positive. | |||
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