FabSwingers.com forum: Initial first message

By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

So majority of the time most people have put in their bio around discarding messages with "hey" "hi how are you" "hey how's your weekend" etc. I get women and couples get hundreds of messages saying the exact same, my question is what do you expect in a first message or what's a good way to start a first message ? I always read a profile and if there is hardly anything about the person in the bio and not many pictures I'm unsure what I'm suppose to go off to start this first message paragraph ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The fact that you are thinking about this - and trying to make an effort - is good enough

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

Say hello. Say a bit about yourself. Say what drew you to their profile and say how you are compatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But I suppose anything that can start a chat. I was once asked what biscuit I would be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But I suppose anything that can start a chat. I was once asked what biscuit I would be

What did you choose

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By *esthetic21Man
over a year ago

Birmingham/Bristol

If I feel like I won't get a response or I feel like it's that hard to think of an initial message because of the profile I just wouldn't message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An M&S ‘Extremely Chocolatey’ biscuit

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

As have said many times for us a hi as a first message is OK it is what follows in subsequent messages that is important. A well crafted first message is pointless if subsequent messages are all one word or emojis. We do expect people to have read our profile so they match what we are looking for otherwise you are wasting your time.

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"But I suppose anything that can start a chat. I was once asked what biscuit I would be

Actually not a bad starter I suppose if it works

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"As have said many times for us a hi as a first message is OK it is what follows in subsequent messages that is important. A well crafted first message is pointless if subsequent messages are all one word or emojis. We do expect people to have read our profile so they match what we are looking for otherwise you are wasting your time."

Yeah definitely agree being able to hold a conversation and compatible in being into the same things and what that person is looking for. I see it as if I was to meet someone out in a bar etc .. I personally wouldn't start a chat by explaining about myself so it's a bit unnatural

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mostly something original, humour goes a long way with me. If the first message is lacking, I assume the rest of the conversation will be too. Show a little personality and just be you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Humour will definitely get me replying. Text speak is a major turn-off (you don’t seem the type though, OP

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By *he_Wite_NiteMan
over a year ago

Usually Dundee and around

I always tailor my opening message and even the subject picking up on something in their profile or a discussion the have been in on here...

In the way it isn't hard to stand out against the copy and paste messages and FAF offerings...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures. "

I totally disagree with this. It doesn’t matter how attractive they are; if their opening gambit is shit, I won’t bother replying.

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Mostly something original, humour goes a long way with me. If the first message is lacking, I assume the rest of the conversation will be too. Show a little personality and just be you."

Well it's a good job Christmas is around the corner then, I'll be saving the little paper cracker jokes for my armory of first liners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience it dosent matter what your first message is

If your profile pics suit then that’s all

Ran test with this before two profiles

Well crafted messages on a tv/ts profile

Got blanked

Message on a old man’s profile that I had from first joining with the vaule off elusiveness lifted

A hi how’s you message and ping got a response

Funny that when a pic suits that dosent matter what the message is

Sorry I brake it this way but time to lay hard facts out

As I get this all the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures. "

This has been my approach

And my lack of replies leads me to conclude I look like a mess haha

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures. "

I am not sure if you have ever met anyone with that first line but I would suggest their personality would be questionable

sounds like a very angry individual to me haha

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By *9forfunMan
over a year ago

kent

It’s a good point, if someone has very little on their profile then there’s not many elaborate first messages you can send, I’m guilty of it too but hey, I prefer to chat to someone and tell them myself, I’m the same way I like to find out about other people myself. Usually the second message will show you if it’s a waste of time or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gonna try 'alright cunt look at my face' see how it goes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures. "

100% Annie I so done sugger coating things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures.

I totally disagree with this. It doesn’t matter how attractive they are; if their opening gambit is shit, I won’t bother replying."

Exactly this, doesn't matter how hot you are, if you've got a personality of a sideboard.. I'm not going to be interested

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

This has been my approach

And my lack of replies leads me to conclude I look like a mess haha

Haha starting to feel the same stay strong

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By *esthetic21Man
over a year ago

Birmingham/Bristol

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures. "
obviously.if you don't fancy someone what's the point replying

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures.

100% Annie I so done sugger coating things "

There's a BIG if there ............

Which still leaves most men having to rely on less visual skills.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures.

I totally disagree with this. It doesn’t matter how attractive they are; if their opening gambit is shit, I won’t bother replying.

Exactly this, doesn't matter how hot you are, if you've got a personality of a sideboard.. I'm not going to be interested

Uh oh hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has been my approach

And my lack of replies leads me to conclude I look like a mess haha

Haha starting to feel the same stay strong

Yeh man, there's someone for everyone right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures.

I totally disagree with this. It doesn’t matter how attractive they are; if their opening gambit is shit, I won’t bother replying.

Exactly this, doesn't matter how hot you are, if you've got a personality of a sideboard.. I'm not going to be interested

I would say your wrong hear as my test in the past have show it

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By *wales_hotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

It’s a buyers market, women and couples get plenty of messages. We ignore the “Hey x” brigade and don’t even get as far as looking at their profile.

Ultimately we are all a little fickle and there has to be some attraction so including a pic is a must to get our attention, though it can also sadly be the death nail if there is no immediate spark.

Always start with a compliment, and then a little about what drew you to our profile. Fill in something new about you and let the conversation start. Good luck guys, it must be tough and we don’t envy you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gonna try 'alright cunt look at my face' see how it goes. "

Good luck with that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience it dosent matter what your first message is

If your profile pics suit then that’s all

Ran test with this before two profiles

Well crafted messages on a tv/ts profile

Got blanked

Message on a old man’s profile that I had from first joining with the vaule off elusiveness lifted

A hi how’s you message and ping got a response

Funny that when a pic suits that dosent matter what the message is

Sorry I brake it this way but time to lay hard facts out

As I get this all the time

So was it the pics that got the different response or the fact I've was a TV profile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gonna try 'alright cunt look at my face' see how it goes.

Good luck with that!

I'm on the back foot now let's say that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures. "

Totally disagree. Will flat out block a rude first message whatever they look like. When I say rude I mean one of the usual that clearly indicates the sender has no interest in us or what we want, he (and it usually is a he though not always) is only interested in getting his dick wet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience it dosent matter what your first message is

If your profile pics suit then that’s all

Ran test with this before two profiles

Well crafted messages on a tv/ts profile

Got blanked

Message on a old man’s profile that I had from first joining with the vaule off elusiveness lifted

A hi how’s you message and ping got a response

Funny that when a pic suits that dosent matter what the message is

Sorry I brake it this way but time to lay hard facts out

As I get this all the time

So was it the pics that got the different response or the fact I've was a TV profile?

Mr"

Pic as the people that I tested on made shour they were looking for tv/ts and men

Same with all this personal bs you can be dry and a bord and get a repnice I not suger coating anything any more time to lay hard facts

I tryed to show my personal Side gets me no whare

But Lift the vaule do away with the long lens camra to trim the mass

Stope hide the wash bord abs and a man’s profile and people are trip over me

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

It’s a dice roll about who is on the other end of the message.

I dare say there’s some truth to Annie’s approach; some people here just want to get straight to it and aren’t ‘interested in endless messaging’. I would say they are the exception to the rule, however.

Most will want some form of rapport-building exchange; the more detailed their profile, the more you’re likely to get out of them in that respect although once again, it’s not a hard-and-fast rule.

Humour has worked well for me in the past; it’s not got me a meet yet, but it’s got me very close and almost always gets a reply.

Makes a good filter too. If you’re recipient doesn’t get your humour here, there’s a good chance they won’t get you in person and that’s a situation best avoided.

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"It’s a buyers market, women and couples get plenty of messages. We ignore the “Hey x” brigade and don’t even get as far as looking at their profile.

Ultimately we are all a little fickle and there has to be some attraction so including a pic is a must to get our attention, though it can also sadly be the death nail if there is no immediate spark.

Yeah I definitely agree adding a bit more would work so thanks for the response. I do believe it seems to be very one sided, if I receive a first message myself .. which can be few and far between haha I only receive the "hey x" messages. I personally don't mind as of course I'm a single guy and if I didn't respond that would be kind of stupidity but within the next few messages I'll find out myself about them by asking more questions like a general conversation

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

The message can be thoughtful, witty and respectful, but if the profile isn't appealing and your face isn't reasonably attractive you'll get little, if any traction.

You might receive a reply out of courtesy, but not much more. Such is the reality here.

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"It’s a dice roll about who is on the other end of the message.

Humour has worked well for me in the past; it’s not got me a meet yet, but it’s got me very close and almost always gets a reply.

Makes a good filter too. If you’re recipient doesn’t get your humour here, there’s a good chance they won’t get you in person and that’s a situation best avoided."

agree it seems varied and depends who receives the message I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had dates with sooo many average looking guys. Just because their chat was pure dynamite. So I definitely wouldn’t say I’m shallow in that respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you women realise how time consuming it's gonna be to type out personalised messages based on your profile?

My boner will have gone down by then and I won't be bothered about the message

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By *edheadjMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures. "

But with the amount of messages women and couples receive on the site, how is your looks meant to make that impact you say if they're deleting in bulk because they're getting 100s a day and your 'hi' looks generic and without effort?

Besides, looks can only go so far. You could look like (insert hot Hollywood celeb here) but if you have the personality of a toothbrush, you're not going to be any fun.

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

"So majority of the time most people have put in their bio around discarding messages with "hey" "hi how are you" "hey how's your weekend" etc. I get women and couples get hundreds of messages saying the exact same, my question is what do you expect in a first message or what's a good way to start a first message ? I always read a profile and if there is hardly anything about the person in the bio and not many pictures I'm unsure what I'm suppose to go off to start this first message paragraph ?

Hi OP. I think it's been mentioned already on this thread, but if a profile doesn't give me much to go on in terms of starting a conversation, personally I'd skip it.

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By *wales_hotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Yeah I definitely agree adding a bit more would work so thanks for the response. I do believe it seems to be very one sided, if I receive a first message myself .. which can be few and far between haha I only receive the "hey x" messages. I personally don't mind as of course I'm a single guy and if I didn't respond that would be kind of stupidity but within the next few messages I'll find out myself about them by asking more questions like a general conversation

Happy to help and it’s a shame it’s so one sided but that’s the nature of the beast. Happy to provide additional feedback if you think it will help - send us a typical first approach message and We’ll get back to you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many here seek like minded, you'll see in the replies just here that there are different variations of mindsets, so ......

Read their profile, if you feel you can relate then touch on what you can relate to.

Like anything internet based, try to keep it short, or not too long.

Though a long message is much better than .... Hey, what are you up to.

I feel messages asking .....

What you up to

Any plans tonight

Where abouts are you

Etc, though are meant as Smalltalk to begin a conversation, they feel intrusive.

Before sending any initial message, profile reading is a must.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures.

Besides, looks can only go so far. You could look like (insert hot Hollywood celeb here) but if you have the personality of a toothbrush, you're not going to be any fun. "

If you look at veris you'll see a load of "crap" profiles but the pictures in them are of chiseled torsos and thick thighs etc. Despite what people preach about mental connection, for most the aesthetic is the strongest primary attraction. People will look at the profile before they open a message to see if there's any attraction. I'd say keep doing you and have good pics, the rest will come in time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obviously my ‘alright cunt look at my face’ comment was tongue in cheek, although in a moment I’m gonna do some research and message 5 people with that exact message and see what the response is.

But my point still stands. A Shakespearian sonnet won’t get you a response, it’s down to whether that person finds you attractive or not.

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By *aui.Man
over a year ago

around here

Personally OP I try not to say too much in a first message. Obviously I steer clear of ‘hi’ or ‘fancy a fuck’ but I do try to keep it short, no more than a couple of lines.

In the past I’ve been down the, let’s tailor every message perfectly to everyone I send road. I find that is often a waste of energy. You can sit there for 25 minutes, read the person’s profile 4 or 5 times. You pick up on subtle hints in there profile that suggest you have several shared interests. So you tell them all about yourself and why you are their perfect match. You go into minute details about the things you perceive to be your unique selling point. You check and double check, spellings, grammar and punctuation. Once finished you sit back and marvel at your creativity and humour. In fact that classic lover Lord Byron himself couldn’t have penned a better introduction. Then to top it off you include the perfect photograph, click the send button and wait triumphantly as this is sure to grab his/her/their attention.

Obviously you’re impatient so you keep checking to see if it’s read. Each time you look it remains yellow. And then on the 152nd time of looking you see it. That heart crushing line through the title line that suggests the message has been deleted without even being read. Or even worse than that it’s been read and deleted without a single thought of the raw emotion you’ve put into it.

What more could they have wanted you think to yourself, you literally ticked every box they stipulated on their profile. Then you sit back and reflect. oh well, there’s just no pleasing some people. Maybe the next one will appreciate my ramblings!

Well that turned into more than I intended. Basically what I’m trying to say is. A first message is a mere introduction, nothing more. More details should come once you know the recipient is at least willing to engage with you.

On a side note I do find it curious when a profile says:

“No one liners, messages that say ‘hi, hello, good evening’ etc will be deleted”

And then literally say nothing else. I mean, come on. You want a decent message, give people something to work with!

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By *aui.Man
over a year ago

around here

"Obviously my ‘alright cunt look at my face’ comment was tongue in cheek, although in a moment I’m gonna do some research and message 5 people with that exact message and see what the response is.

But my point still stands. A Shakespearian sonnet won’t get you a response, it’s down to whether that person finds you attractive or not.

I think we just said the same thing but you said it in far less words.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Do you women realise how time consuming it's gonna be to type out personalised messages based on your profile?

My boner will have gone down by then and I won't be bothered about the message

This is such an important point to make....

It would be so fucking time consuming and as others use time as an excuse for not replying I think that's very just

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures. "

Straight talk! Thank you for being so honest.

Many are always demanding everything on here! Yet have nout to offer. Nor a simple face pic. I wonder why lol.

Drama. Filling huge voids they have withing themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the person you are messaging finds you attractive it doesn’t really matter what you say in your opening message. You could message them saying alright cunt look at my face…

Sooner guys realise that a written message won’t determine a response the better, it’s mainly about the pictures.

Your best ever chance of a reply is to send clear face pictures.

I totally disagree with this. It doesn’t matter how attractive they are; if their opening gambit is shit, I won’t bother replying."

But that is how you flow and operate.

Like the younglady stated.

Many are very visual as most of the women keep stating.

" post your picture,send your picture,post your picture! .but never send your post theirs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I have my results. 5/5 responded to my opener.

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By *ceKweenWoman
over a year ago

Bolton

A profile showing some thought and photos goes a long way…. No matter how big or small a message is sent, than no photo, and fill in later on ones profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I have my results. 5/5 responded to my opener.

I would have blanked you

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Well I have my results. 5/5 responded to my opener.

The tributes are next…..

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I’ve had dates with sooo many average looking guys. Just because their chat was pure dynamite. So I definitely wouldn’t say I’m shallow in that respect."

Ahem……..you missed one……

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you women realise how time consuming it's gonna be to type out personalised messages based on your profile?

My boner will have gone down by then and I won't be bothered about the message

This is such an important point to make....

It would be so fucking time consuming and as others use time as an excuse for not replying I think that's very just"

Innit? I have a max 3 mins wanking time before i cum so I need to keep my messages short and snappy.

I got for the shot gun approach: scatter as many short messages as possible and see if i hit anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I have my results. 5/5 responded to my opener.

Is it not the case that most women would be a little more discerning?

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I don’t read or reply to most messages that land when I’m not looking. But.. when I am. I don’t really care what it says as long as it’s not in text speak. I check that they match the basic things I’ve stated like distance and single.. but ultimately if I don’t like the face I’m not chatting anyway. It’s not about being super good looking it’s just an initial feeling.

That’s how I run my inbox.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I have my results. 5/5 responded to my opener.

Is it not the case that most women would be a little more discerning? "

Personally I’d find it funny but 8 years ago a guy I met had on his profile “I love to whisper romantic things in your ear after sex, like hey, get the fuck outta my house” I met him and he was really funny PLUS I stole that line and used it on my profile for years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First and last sentence are usually deciding for me. Odd I know. I just skim through. I read fast. Then there goes delete button 9 times out of 10.

If they talk a lot about themselves.. few sentences starting with I.. mine.. my.. thats one of worst traits and it gets binned instantly. I won't mention all the usual ones.. come to my hotel.. what I would do to your pussy .. you look hot..what are you up to and all others lacking imagination, thought and tact. Yawn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you meet their criteria?

Have you read their profile in full?

If Yes then a message could begin -

“I think we would get on because….”

A few recent face pics - show your teeth and smile!

Tidy bedroom pics only!

Good spelling and grammar.

And leave it at 1 message.

Delete your sent messages and don’t wait for a reply. Keeps things exciting when you get a yellow in your inbox

Have fun!

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

It’s got to be engaging…if we get a sniff the message is sent to the masses, it’s binned!

Come across well and your profile, pics also carry on the intrigue, your foot is in the door.

We are here for top shelf and so something has to grab us…

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Personally OP I try not to say too much in a first message. Obviously I steer clear of ‘hi’ or ‘fancy a fuck’ but I do try to keep it short, no more than a couple of lines.

On a side note I do find it curious when a profile says:

“No one liners, messages that say ‘hi, hello, good evening’ etc will be deleted”

And then literally say nothing else. I mean, come on. You want a decent message, give people something to work with!"

Loved this response! You're not wrong at all the amount of times you re read it and feel so proud of yourself had me! So many times haha

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

The best first message you can send is just being really really ridiculously good looking

No message is gonna get over someone being unattracted to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The best first message you can send is just being really really ridiculously good looking

No message is gonna get over someone being unattracted to you "

That’s basically what I said although they don’t have to be ridiculously good looking, just enough that the recipient finds them attractive.

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By *lue.eyes92 OP Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Personally I’d find it funny but 8 years ago a guy I met had on his profile “I love to whisper romantic things in your ear after sex, like hey, get the fuck outta my house” I met him and he was really funny PLUS I stole that line and used it on my profile for years

That is pretty funny to be fair.. but let's be honest if I messaged 5 people with the same line you used I could guarantee by the third one i would be reported, profile disabled and blocked by each one. Same as if you said that to someone in person I don't think 5/5 would respond with the same enthusiasm no matter how good looking you are.

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