FabSwingers.com forum: Halloween jokes please

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Can I have some terrible, Dad jokes, based on Halloween pleeeease

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Why do witches not wear knickers?

Helps them grip the broom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's a vampires favourite ice cream?

Veinilla

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the trouble with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a vampires favourite ice cream?

Veinilla"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween ball?

He had no body to go with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you a monster? Because you look Frankenfine.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Why are graveyards so loud?

Because of all the coffin

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I used to think I was a werewolf..but I am alright nowoooooo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What music does The Mummy listen to?

Wrap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the Monster get annoyed by the Skeleton ?

He kept getting under his skin.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Why do cemeteries have walls and fences?

Because people are always dying to get in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the best way to pay for your burial?

With cryptocurrency ;-p

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By *neakypeaky30Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

Why don't monsters like to eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Why do cemeteries have walls and fences?

Because people are always dying to get in.

I take a fence to that joke ;-p

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

" Why do cemeteries have walls and fences?

Because people are always dying to get in.

I take a fence to that joke ;-p "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's the best way to pay for your burial?

With cryptocurrency ;-p "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

LOVING these

What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred? Spooktacles.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

What meat scares vampires?

Steak.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Do you know what killed the man who had a two ton pumpkin fall on him?

He was squashed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you know what killed the man who had a two ton pumpkin fall on him?

He was squashed

Oh my gourd!!!!

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By *rixterMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you’re a mouse

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I fell behind with my payments to my exorcist. I got repossessed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s a ghosts favourite drink?

Boo-ze.

Terrible I know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does the ghost of a panda eat?

BamBOO.

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By *erbyshireTwoCouple
over a year ago

somewhere in darkest Derbyshire

Why is a cemetery in winter like the movie Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where does Dracula keep his money?

In a blood bank

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?

It’s a pain in the neck

Why did Dracula buy the local paper?

He heard it had a great circulation

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

Why don’t ghosts like to go out in the rain?

Because it dampens their spirits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

A sand-witch

I'll get my coat

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Love all these

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

My friends call me the exorcist because when I leave their house all the spirits are gone!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who is a undertakers favourite band. Def leopard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who is a undertakers favourite band. Def leopard "

I don't get this one

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

What you call a phantom goose that throws stuff around?

A poultry geese..

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

Did you hear about the zombie who turned up late for the Halloween dinner??

They gave him the cold shoulder

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We need more Halloween jokes, it much ‘ghouler’ when there is!!

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By *unandgamegeekMan
over a year ago

Bolton

What do werewolves right on birthday cards?

Best vicious

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

Why do witches go knickerless when they go out?

So there’s more grip on their broom

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

How does Frankenstein likes his hair cut?

As a flat top..

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Police described the crash of a lorry load of old coffins as very grave..

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

How do lazy vampire bats pass their school exams? By winging it…

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Why does the invisible man’s pics never appear in Hot Photos??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where does Dracula keep his money?

In a blood bank

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By *ineapple_PrincessWoman
over a year ago

in the waves

This is the best thread ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What music do mommys listen to at Halloween?

Wrap music

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Why did the ghost ship run aground?

Because it just had a skeleton crew.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

What is a monster’s favorite dessert?

I scream!

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By *ussexualMan
over a year ago

Brighton

Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”

She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”

My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

How did I outrun the zombie?

Because it was dead beat.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to a Halloween dinner date?

He got the cold shoulder

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to a Halloween dinner date?

He got the cold shoulder

Terrible

yet hilarious

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to a Halloween dinner date?

He got the cold shoulder

Terrible

yet hilarious

...you'll encourage me ...

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Why are pumpkins better than men?

Every year you get a fresh crop to choose from

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a joke but my Halloween decorations are actually scaring me. I have things hanging outside, grim reapers, skeletons and this ghost face killer thing attached to a pole in my garden, which looked really cool in the advert but in reality it looks like a fucking bin bag stick to a pole. Anyway my decorations are blowing outside my windows and making me jump every time I catch them in my peripherals.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"Not a joke but my Halloween decorations are actually scaring me. I have things hanging outside, grim reapers, skeletons and this ghost face killer thing attached to a pole in my garden, which looked really cool in the advert but in reality it looks like a fucking bin bag stick to a pole. Anyway my decorations are blowing outside my windows and making me jump every time I catch them in my peripherals. "

...sounding like The Lost Boys

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

You get goose pimples on your boobies?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why are pumpkins better than men?

Every year you get a fresh crop to choose from

Now the encouragement has to stop because that is terrible

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Has anyone got the recipe for Hungarian Ghoulash?

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

"Has anyone got the recipe for Hungarian Ghoulash?"

Find a ghoul, and lash whilst playing the accordion..

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By *heOriginalLoisWoman
over a year ago

London

Courtesy of the Waitrose weekend paper:

"I've been bitten by a wolf"

"Where?"

"No,just a normal wolf"

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"What's the best way to pay for your burial?

With cryptocurrency ;-p "

With jokes like that, you're killing us.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Meanwhile over in Bucharest. The company MONDIAL ELITE EAST S. R. L., have moved into ultra portable fridge units to go by drones, thus reducing travel times and saving live.

These drone remote access containers, will be sold under the name DRAC-Coolers.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

This year's Day of the Dead festival will be sponsored by Skull Candy, for the second year running.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What do you say, to a Mummy who's running late for his ride home on the tune?

Tooting come on!

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

What’d you call the vampire in a tight thong?

DracuLaaaaa!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Why do witches fly by broom, because they might need a clean getaway.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Can you say Halloween, without sounding like Lorraine Kelly, saying "Hello Wayne"?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Which ghost haunt's music studios?

Phil Spectre.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Two cannibals on a romantic date, in a jungle restaurant. Halfway through the main course...

Male: You! Give me the bone.

Female: Shush, everyone can hear. (blushing like mad)

Male: Don't be silly, give me that femur now!

Nom, nom, nom

--------

Bill please, I'll get me coat.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Do mice look at bats and think that they are angels?

(Alice, from Vicar of Dibley)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Who operates the ghost train?

..British WAIL!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling."

Tori!

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By *otcplmidsCouple
over a year ago

Warwickshire

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!"

That's got a great ring to it!

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Why are skeletons are so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

'Did May thaw fleas' is an anagram of 'The Addams Family'

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By *inAndTonic21Couple
over a year ago

Merseyside

What is a skeletons favourite board game? Tibial pursuit

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"What is a skeletons favourite board game? Tibial pursuit

Don't tell fibs

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Headless horseman rides into a bar and asks for a pint.

Barman says “Get out”

Horseman says “Why?”

Barman says “How were you going to drink it you daft cunt?”

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What do you call ghost in an ice hockey rink?

A ghoul keeper.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Headless horseman rides into a bar and asks for a pint.

Barman says “Get out”

Horseman says “Why?”

Barman says “How were you going to drink it you daft cunt?”"

I was going to neck it.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

A skeleton asks for a pint and a mop at the bar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's a ghosts favourite pasta

Spookghetti

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By *inAndTonic21Couple
over a year ago

Merseyside

"What is a skeletons favourite board game? Tibial pursuit

Don't tell fibs"
hahah

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Where do zombies go on holiday?

Gravesend

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

A ghost walks into a bar.

Bartender asks "What will your have?"

Ghost replies "I'm only here for the BOOs!".

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"A ghost walks into a bar.

Bartender asks "What will your have?"

Ghost replies "I'm only here for the BOOs!".

So that's:

Ghost ship

Hobgoblin

Wychcraft

Spooks

Witch's brew

And from America

Coffin juice.

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester

How can you tell a female ghost from a male ghost? - Boooooooobs!

For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas - There's only two of us working there so I have to make every second count.

Why should you never goose a ghost? - You might get a handful of sheet!

What is a Halloween themed Fleshlight called? - A Jackoff-lantern.

Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly, one said to the other, "Wow, a lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do now?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her".

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By *tead88Man
over a year ago

nine elms

A ghost goes to a football game, his favorite player gets sent off so he boo’s the ref. I’ll see myself out.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Bumper sticker on a lorry. Overtakers go to my right, undertakers go to my left.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What's a skeletons favourite 1970's pop group?

Boney M

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What's a ghost's favourite Burt Reynolds film?

Boo-gie Nights.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A ghost walks into a bar.

Bartender asks "What will your have?"

Ghost replies "I'm only here for the BOOs!".

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

[Removed by poster at 28/10/21 19:38:04]

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What's a clairvoyant's favourite type of drink?

Spirits.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Truly magical!"

Hitatchi Wands's first review.

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By *aramarCouple
over a year ago

kildare

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do witches not wear knickers?

Helps them grip the broom.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Why do witches not wear knickers?

Helps them grip the broom.

I don't believe you: show me the proof!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

If cats stay in a cattery

and rooks live a rookery

Do bats live in a battery?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What motor bike does the Count (from Sesame Street)

A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-haah!

his...XS 1100 SF Midnight Special 1980 - 1982

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Typo. Ride should be the last word on the question.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

To all those people living alone this Halloween...don't look behind you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do skeletons have sex, by boning all night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mam, Mam all the kids at School are calling me Werewolf head "Aww don't let them upset you Son, now go upstairs and comb your face, we're going to Grandads"

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Messers Burke & Hare: Experts in skulduggery.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

What sort of boots does Frankenstein wear?

UUGGs! Of course..

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By *drian HardthrobMan
over a year ago

Worcester

Whoever has my voodoo doll, could you put it in the fetal position?

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

Q: What is a ghost's favourite talk show?

A: Phantom of the Ophra Winfrey.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Where does Dracula go on holiday?

The Virgin Islands.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Where does Dracula go on holiday?

The Virgin Islands."

Sitting on the beach, at midnight sinking his teeh into a Bloody Mary.

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By *eacupsbearCouple
over a year ago

Croydon

Why did the mummy cross the road?

Because his bandage was wrapped round the chicken.

Waiter! Bill please.

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