FabSwingers.com forum: Abuse

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi everyone, I'm curious to know peeps views & opinions on abuse. Especially totally unprovoked abusive mail. I received one this morning in a DM...I never had any previous communication or interaction with the verbal abuser. Neither had I uploaded any photos at the time, I had basically a blank profile.

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

Report abuse.

Always

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Naming and shaming is against the rules. Report and block is the best way to deal with it.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I block or counterblock and report. I don't name and shame as it's against site rules.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser "

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For Me, I prefer to not do anything to feed them. They send a horrible message, I'll just delete and move on. I just don't pay them any other attention and they'll get bored of you and move onto someone else who hopefully does the same.

I can't speak for this site though as I've never had any abuse here , but that's what I do on other platforms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear you've had this today. If they hadn't already blocked you, I'd block them, delete their mail and move on. As they've blocked you, you can't do the first bit, but you can delete and move on. Chickens are abusive and then block, afraid to be called out for their rudeness.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Don't feed the trolls x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Don't feed the trolls x"

I did think that but...... you came too late Mother ! x

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Malmesbury

Hi OP, sorry to hear about your ordeal. If you've blocked this person, then they won't be able to see your profile status update. Plus, from my experience, people that attack others in this way aren't ever willing to explain there actions - which is why they send and block. The best you can do(as previously mentioned) is to report them to Admin.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

I didn't retaliate with abuse at all...

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward "

In what way are you assuming I was abusive? Because I wasn't. I asked him in a public status why he lashed out at me & hurled abuse at me for no reason whatsoever. As I said I had zero communication with the 'man' & IMO he definitely deserved to be called out. Tbh I literally wouldn't harm a fly in anyway & I would like ye to explain why ye are saying I'm "abusive" because I'm not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

I didn't retaliate with abuse at all...

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward

*I didn't retaliate in any way besides my earlier status update which wasn't abusive in anyway.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Don't feed the trolls x

I did think that but...... you came too late Mother ! x"

Sorry GC x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

I didn't retaliate with abuse at all...

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward

The sentence "named and shamed" probably

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

I didn't retaliate with abuse at all...

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward

*I didn't retaliate in any way besides my earlier status update which wasn't abusive in anyway."

You said too we’re going to “name and shame” every day for a week. That is against the site rules.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

I didn't retaliate with abuse at all...

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward

*I didn't retaliate in any way besides my earlier status update which wasn't abusive in anyway.

You said too we’re going to “name and shame” every day for a week. That is against the site rules. "

I honestly don't see or view naming a person as abuse

I don't get it...I have screen shots of his nasty 1st DM. The guy is clearly messed up...& It's so easy to suss

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

I didn't retaliate with abuse at all...

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward

*I didn't retaliate in any way besides my earlier status update which wasn't abusive in anyway.

You said too we’re going to “name and shame” every day for a week. That is against the site rules.

I honestly don't see or view naming a person as abuse

I don't get it...I have screen shots of his nasty 1st DM. The guy is clearly messed up...& It's so easy to suss "

Your comment about naming and shaming has received several clear responses saying that it is against site rules. Do you understand this point? It’s not a question of whether or not you felt you were being abusive, but in your own words you have broken site rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

I didn't retaliate with abuse at all...

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward

*I didn't retaliate in any way besides my earlier status update which wasn't abusive in anyway.

You said too we’re going to “name and shame” every day for a week. That is against the site rules.

I honestly don't see or view naming a person as abuse

I don't get it...I have screen shots of his nasty 1st DM. The guy is clearly messed up...& It's so easy to suss "

Naming and shaming might not be abusive OP but it is against the site rules. Admin will remove the status and if you name and shame on here you'll get put on the naughty step.

It's not okay that he sent you an abusive message but that's why we have a reporting system. Admin will deal with it.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

How would you ignore abuse in real life?

Ignore them

If it has upset you report and block

Like many have advised you xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How would you ignore abuse in real life?

Ignore them

If it has upset you report and block

Like many have advised you xxx"

Thanks Yasmeen, yes I'll take your advice...I'll ignore & not feed a troll xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would just say block them personally

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"How would you ignore abuse in real life?

Ignore them

If it has upset you report and block

Like many have advised you xxx

Thanks Yasmeen, yes I'll take your advice...I'll ignore & not feed a troll xxx"

Your welcome sweety xxx

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Naming and shaming is against site rules but it isn't abusive. There is a big difference between the two.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"Hi everyone, I'm curious to know peeps views & opinions on abuse. Especially totally unprovoked abusive mail. I received one this morning in a DM...I never had any previous communication or interaction with the verbal abuser. Neither had I uploaded any photos at the time, I had basically a blank profile.

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?"

You refer to the abuser as having engaged in “verbal abuse” ... you spoke to them?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Naming and shaming is against site rules but it isn't abusive. There is a big difference between the two. "

Naming and shaming is abusive. One is unprovoked and the other is retaliation.

I only punched him miss cos he punched me first.

It's abuse.

That fact aside. It's against site rules.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Unlikely to see your status anyway if he’s blocked you. People often get abuse. Just delete and block. It’s really not worth wasting time doing statuses and making threads about. That just shows he’s won and affected you.

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

"Naming and shaming is against site rules but it isn't abusive. There is a big difference between the two.

Naming and shaming is abusive. One is unprovoked and the other is retaliation.

I only punched him miss cos he punched me first.

It's abuse.

That fact aside. It's against site rules."

Surely naming and shaming is more like being punched, then telling everyone they punched you.

Not abuse, but against the site rules.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

"Naming and shaming is against site rules but it isn't abusive. There is a big difference between the two.

Naming and shaming is abusive. One is unprovoked and the other is retaliation.

I only punched him miss cos he punched me first.

It's abuse.

That fact aside. It's against site rules."

Your analogy is miles off as well.

Saying naming and shaming is abusive is the same as saying identifying who punched you in the face is abusive. Speaking up against someone who has attacked you isn't abusive and it's a worrying stance to try and make it sound like it abusive

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

You choose to deal with a random stranger on the internet being mean by not only writing a thread about it

But to then plan to write about it in your status for a week straight?

This guys living rent free in your head and you’ve invited him to do so.

Let it go. Find something better to do with your time

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"You choose to deal with a random stranger on the internet being mean by not only writing a thread about it

But to then plan to write about it in your status for a week straight?

This guys living rent free in your head and you’ve invited him to do so.

Let it go. Find something better to do with your time "

Rent free

But paid taxes

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"You choose to deal with a random stranger on the internet being mean by not only writing a thread about it

But to then plan to write about it in your status for a week straight?

This guys living rent free in your head and you’ve invited him to do so.

Let it go. Find something better to do with your time

Rent free

But paid taxes"

You live rent free in my dreams

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"You choose to deal with a random stranger on the internet being mean by not only writing a thread about it

But to then plan to write about it in your status for a week straight?

This guys living rent free in your head and you’ve invited him to do so.

Let it go. Find something better to do with your time

Rent free

But paid taxes

You live rent free in my dreams "
so sweet

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Naming and shaming is against site rules but it isn't abusive. There is a big difference between the two.

Naming and shaming is abusive. One is unprovoked and the other is retaliation.

I only punched him miss cos he punched me first.

It's abuse.

That fact aside. It's against site rules.

Your analogy is miles off as well.

My analogy is perfect.

Try not to worry too much.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

By this thread and your update where you named him you gave him exactly the reaction he wanted .They want a reaction and they want to get inside your head and upset you. That's why I just ignore it on the rare occasion I get it. If I can tell it's abusive before I open the message I'll just delete it unread and block sometimes I'll mark it unread after and then delete it and block them .People who give abuse on here are twats and are usually just looking a reaction from you. Don't let them have it.

Yes it shouldn't happen but it's the internet and sadly it will happen as it does on most social media all you can do is control your reaction to it.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Malmesbury

Being pedantic, using your status update to name and shame would be an abuse of this facility (status update). But I get it, when people get hurt it's normal to lash out especially when the person that has hurt you has left you with no other means of redress.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"Naming and shaming is against site rules but it isn't abusive. There is a big difference between the two.

Naming and shaming is abusive. One is unprovoked and the other is retaliation.

I only punched him miss cos he punched me first.

It's abuse.

That fact aside. It's against site rules.

Your analogy is miles off as well.

My analogy is perfect.

Try not to worry too much."

It’s really not though is it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with above. Dont bother to name and shame dont create a thread like this. They have seen what you have done and got a reaction.

In future block and report them. If you feel the need to blow of steam find a friend and in private blow of steam.

Hope the experience hasnt put you of the site .

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

"I block or counterblock and report. I don't name and shame as it's against site rules."

This. The counter block if they’ve got in there first is great because it stops them when they inevitably attempt to re-engage.

Sorry you’ve had to deal with that OP. Hopefully admin resolve and block the perpetrator

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try to resist the urge to internalize the critical statements being made about you, as well as refuse to provide emotional fuel for the fire.

They’re not worth a second of your valuable time, best to ignore them and treat them like any other flake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As others have said, you can’t name and shame users cos it’s against site rules. Reason being, anybody could say anything about someone and it could be untrue. Someone could put a status about me saying do not meet AnnieWilkes because she will come to your house and leave skid marks on your sheets.

Just counter block him and move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

You refer to the abuser as having engaged in “verbal abuse” ... you spoke to them? "

No, I had zero communication or reaction with this 'man' ...he just sent me an outta blue 1st ever DM from him...totally unprovoked

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

You refer to the abuser as having engaged in “verbal abuse” ... you spoke to them?

No, I had zero communication or reaction with this 'man' ...he just sent me an outta blue 1st ever DM from him...totally unprovoked

I had a blank profile till this morning...as in no pics & no bio

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?"

I don't tolerate abuse of any kind myself,but as the way you decided to deal with it and your actions I wouldn't agree with naming to shame the way forward is to report so the site is able to act accordingly and deal with it professionally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an interesting point as to whether naming and shaming is a form of abuse in itself. I think it depends on how it is said personally. If it says "Mr x sent an unsolicited abusive message to me, please be aware" then that's different to "Mr X sent me abuse so he's a piece of **** and deserves x, y and z"

Both are against site rules though.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

You refer to the abuser as having engaged in “verbal abuse” ... you spoke to them?

No, I had zero communication or reaction with this 'man' ...he just sent me an outta blue 1st ever DM from him...totally unprovoked

So when you mentioned “verbal abuse” ...?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's an interesting point as to whether naming and shaming is a form of abuse in itself. I think it depends on how it is said personally. If it says "Mr x sent an unsolicited abusive message to me, please be aware" then that's different to "Mr X sent me abuse so he's a piece of **** and deserves x, y and z"

Both are against site rules though."

I worded it nicely...I said "xyz why are you lashin out & hurlin unprovoked abuse at me, I've never spoken to you before & you've no idea what I look like as I've no pics on my profile" I did however call him "freakish creepish" in my status also as he was body shaming me with no idea of how I look at the time...hence I've uploaded limited photos since

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?"

It is YOU who says that the mail was abusive, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Maybe is your definition of abuse, we cannot know that. Maybe it was something in your profile which was abusive against let's say single males... The admin can have a look _ased on the rules of the site, not on your perceptions. They can also have a look at the whole conversation going on and have a correct opinion.

In the same time, you are definitely an abuser, by calling him out for a week (ha!), just because you think that he deserves to be shamed . Who are you to do that?

Can I go and start swearing, stalking or threatening people who did (or I think they did)something wrong to me? No, but I can ask for help from the people in right to do that.

Let's say that you do that. From his point of view, you hurt him. He is entitled now to harm you back, _ased on his own perceptions. Would that be right for you?

By escalating conflict, you'll bring more conflict. Don't come on forums to promote this kind of cheap revenge or look for approval for this kind of action.

There are rules about how we should behave here and people in right to apply them. Ask help from them.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

In the same time, you are definitely an abuser, by calling him out for a week (ha!), just because you think that he deserves to be shamed . Who are you to do that?

Can I go and start swearing, stalking or threatening people who did (or I think they did)something wrong to me? No, but I can ask for help from the people in right to do that.

Let's say that you do that. From his point of view, you hurt him. He is entitled now to harm you back, _ased on his own perceptions. Would that be right for you?

By escalating conflict, you'll bring more conflict. Don't come on forums to promote this kind of cheap revenge or look for approval for this kind of action.

There are rules about how we should behave here and people in right to apply them. Ask help from them.

You are definitely a person who can see the wood and the trees.

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both are against site rules though.

But he wouldn’t be able to see your profile status anyway so it’s pointless asking him questions.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

In the same time, you are definitely an abuser, by calling him out for a week (ha!), just because you think that he deserves to be shamed . Who are you to do that?

Can I go and start swearing, stalking or threatening people who did (or I think they did)something wrong to me? No, but I can ask for help from the people in right to do that.

Let's say that you do that. From his point of view, you hurt him. He is entitled now to harm you back, _ased on his own perceptions. Would that be right for you?

By escalating conflict, you'll bring more conflict. Don't come on forums to promote this kind of cheap revenge or look for approval for this kind of action.

There are rules about how we should behave here and people in right to apply them. Ask help from them.

Hi, this was his first and only ever msg to me this morning. My profile was blank at the time as in no bio or photos

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

In the same time, you are definitely an abuser, by calling him out for a week (ha!), just because you think that he deserves to be shamed . Who are you to do that?

Can I go and start swearing, stalking or threatening people who did (or I think they did)something wrong to me? No, but I can ask for help from the people in right to do that.

Let's say that you do that. From his point of view, you hurt him. He is entitled now to harm you back, _ased on his own perceptions. Would that be right for you?

By escalating conflict, you'll bring more conflict. Don't come on forums to promote this kind of cheap revenge or look for approval for this kind of action.

There are rules about how we should behave here and people in right to apply them. Ask help from them.

Hi, this was his first and only ever msg to me this morning. My profile was blank at the time as in no bio or photos

Soz I meant to send this privately with attached screenshot of his msg...one sec I'll DM it now so you can see for yourself how abosive this 'man' is

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Both are against site rules though.

But he wouldn’t be able to see your profile status anyway so it’s pointless asking him questions. "

You can see someones you have blocked status when you scroll your block list...he's the only one on my block list

so it's easy find him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both are against site rules though.

I don't think all of that would fit into a status update honestly so I'm not sure what you said, and since you did throw in an insult too apparently, I think probably your update could be considered abusive. Did he abuse you first? Yes, and that's wrong, but there are appropriate ways to deal with that as others have said.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha he deserves to be named & shamed...

I find it difficult to understand how anyone can totally ignore but out it in a status this isn't ignoring but also not taking appropriate actions as your still able to report even though a user is blocked... This helps the site when thingsare reported.

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By *tockport 69Couple
over a year ago

Stockport

if couples dont read all the profile we block them no probs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look, don’t let it ruin your day or your experience on fab. A lot of guys are frustrated on here and have dealt with a lot of rejection due to the disparity between the number of men vs the number of women. Some men, depending on their own emotional stability will lash out from time to time and will be abusive towards women and unfortunately you were on the receiving end. He knows nothing about you, you didn’t even have pictures up at the time so the abuse is not a reflection on you personally. Just the actions of a bitter frustrated man. Do not take it personally. Just let it go.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Both are against site rules though.

That was the jist of what I wrote...I forget the exact precise wording of my status...but I was basically asking him why was he lashin out for no reason whatsoever... It can be difficult to ignore abuse...I couldn't DM him cos he blocked me after his tirade of abuse...which equates to me as him being cowardly...

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By *ilks xXxWoman
over a year ago

East Mids

"For Me, I prefer to not do anything to feed them. They send a horrible message, I'll just delete and move on. I just don't pay them any other attention and they'll get bored of you and move onto someone else who hopefully does the same.

I can't speak for this site though as I've never had any abuse here , but that's what I do on other platforms. "

I’ve never had any trouble with abuse on here but I do know from personal experience the best way is to not feed them. Ignore. Block. Report. However, I do understand the frustration involved … x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Look, don’t let it ruin your day or your experience on fab. A lot of guys are frustrated on here and have dealt with a lot of rejection due to the disparity between the number of men vs the number of women. Some men, depending on their own emotional stability will lash out from time to time and will be abusive towards women and unfortunately you were on the receiving end. He knows nothing about you, you didn’t even have pictures up at the time so the abuse is not a reflection on you personally. Just the actions of a bitter frustrated man. Do not take it personally. Just let it go. "

last two sentences (100% right)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Naming and shaming is against the rules. Report and block is the best way to deal with it. "

This. I can’t get stressed over strangers talking at me, now when people I think are supposed to be nice to me start to do it, that pisses me off.

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By *AURA6969TV/TS
over a year ago

RUGBY

"As others have said, you can’t name and shame users cos it’s against site rules. Reason being, anybody could say anything about someone and it could be untrue. Someone could put a status about me saying do not meet AnnieWilkes because she will come to your house and leave skid marks on your sheets.

Just counter block him and move on. "
I meant to talk to you about this matter Anne.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

In the same time, you are definitely an abuser, by calling him out for a week (ha!), just because you think that he deserves to be shamed . Who are you to do that?

Can I go and start swearing, stalking or threatening people who did (or I think they did)something wrong to me? No, but I can ask for help from the people in right to do that.

Let's say that you do that. From his point of view, you hurt him. He is entitled now to harm you back, _ased on his own perceptions. Would that be right for you?

By escalating conflict, you'll bring more conflict. Don't come on forums to promote this kind of cheap revenge or look for approval for this kind of action.

There are rules about how we should behave here and people in right to apply them. Ask help from them.

Hi, this was his first and only ever msg to me this morning. My profile was blank at the time as in no bio or photos

I am not in the right to say who's right or wrong, I am not saying that you are lying, I just wanted to show you that the same problem looked from different angles( our perceptions) ,has different shapes. I would definitely stand up for anyone in a vulnerable position, but I cannot make judgements _ased on only one point of view. Me, or anyone else from the forum can give you bad advice, don't follow it. Imagine the site like a little village, you have a trouble with someone nasty, don't call the neighbors, go to the police(admin) with the evidence. I am really sorry for any Fab member who has to face unpleasant experiences, but in the same time I have to admit that I don't have enough info or right to encourage you to have such wrong reaction. Just be wise, don't look for revenge.Solve the issue, but without anger, without blood. Is telling you that someone who had to deal with the consequences of anger,pride and revenge.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"Unlikely to see your status anyway if he’s blocked you. People often get abuse. Just delete and block. It’s really not worth wasting time doing statuses and making threads about. That just shows he’s won and affected you. "

Exactly this. These idiots do not deserve the head space you are giving them. You are some random person they decided to spew against. Their issue not yours.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

In the same time, you are definitely an abuser, by calling him out for a week (ha!), just because you think that he deserves to be shamed . Who are you to do that?

Can I go and start swearing, stalking or threatening people who did (or I think they did)something wrong to me? No, but I can ask for help from the people in right to do that.

Let's say that you do that. From his point of view, you hurt him. He is entitled now to harm you back, _ased on his own perceptions. Would that be right for you?

By escalating conflict, you'll bring more conflict. Don't come on forums to promote this kind of cheap revenge or look for approval for this kind of action.

There are rules about how we should behave here and people in right to apply them. Ask help from them.

This

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Exactly this. These idiots do not deserve the head space you are giving them. You are some random person they decided to spew against. Their issue not yours. "

Thanks, yes it's their issue and not mine. He just showed his true colours...I'm not actually angry or stressed over it...I just wanted to hi-lite the fact totally unprovoked abuse occurs for no reason whatsoever...& I also wanted to warn others about him. I am taking the advice on board & if it ever happens again I will totally ignore such abuse as in probably best not to update status as about it but I do think the forums are a good place to air our views & opinions. I didn't realise my thread was going to be a little contraversial but I much appreciate all feed-back,

Thanks

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?"

It happens all the time, almost on a daily basis, even when there has been no interaction. Makes no odds to me that some fuckwhit wants to send random abusive messages, don't even bother reporting them anymore.

Some try to be cleverly a abusive in the forums, makes them feel better about themselves and maybe gets a giggle and appreciation from some others.

Opinion: then end they are strangers and lowlifes, ignore and move on, those that do it and those that encourage it. I loose no sleep over it

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Exactly this. These idiots do not deserve the head space you are giving them. You are some random person they decided to spew against. Their issue not yours.

Thanks "

Ignoring abuse doesn't help anyone else best way is to report to admin and let them investigate and take appropriate actions the site can only stop abuse if those affected by it report

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I laugh block and move on!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

Some try to be cleverly a abusive in the forums, makes them feel better about themselves and maybe gets a giggle and appreciation from some others.

Opinion: then end they are strangers and lowlifes, ignore and move on, those that do it and those that encourage it. I loose no sleep over it

I Luuuuuvve & Admire your last paragraph... Your conclusive opinion...Yes it's very easy to read between the lines...That is clearly evident

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both are against site rules though.

Why ask him questions in your status if he has blocked you? Not going to see it is he?

Just counter block and move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Both are against site rules though.

Why ask him questions in your status if he has blocked you? Not going to see it is he?

Just counter block and move on."

You can see a blocked persons status if you scroll them in your block list...there was a method to my madness...He did see it also cos he called me out about it in his status update after I posted mine...I did counter block

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

So you got an abusive message on your blank profile from some random

You took a screen shot

Put up a status

Was going to put one up every day

You made a forum post

You sent the screenshot to people on the post

You checked his profile to see his status about you?

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Both are against site rules though.

Why ask him questions in your status if he has blocked you? Not going to see it is he?

Just counter block and move on.

Loves drama

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both are against site rules though.

Why ask him questions in your status if he has blocked you? Not going to see it is he?

Just counter block and move on.

Wow, seems like a lot of hassle to me. Why bother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Block the profile. Report to admin.

BTW...... you are also an abuser

I didn't retaliate with abuse at all...

Good point. Responding to abuse with abuse is not the right way forward

If he had blocked you he wouldn't have seen it.

As others have pointed out it's not pleasant but there isn't a lot you can do about it other than report to admin.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Both are against site rules though.

Why ask him questions in your status if he has blocked you? Not going to see it is he?

Just counter block and move on.

Wow, seems like a lot of hassle to me. Why bother "

You can tell I was Borrrrrrred...

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel

We just ignore it. Best way is to ignore them as it will annoy them more to know that they haven't caused you to react.

Naming and shaming is lowering yourself to their standards, and also is against site rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had one the other day I put some lyrics on a status from an Aaliyah song not offensive at all to anyone and a guy messaged me saying your quoting an amazing singer but you can fuck of it shocked me I looked on his profile but he had obviously blocked me absolute coward.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had one the other day I put some lyrics on a status from an Aaliyah song not offensive at all to anyone and a guy messaged me saying your quoting an amazing singer but you can fuck of it shocked me I looked on his profile but he had obviously blocked me absolute coward."

Mine was way worse than an F-Off...But yea... you gotta laugh when they block you straight away after firing unprovoked uncalled for abuse

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By *moothCriminal_xMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Sorry to hear this OP. Many commentators calling you abusive are clearly being facetious and are wrong even within their own pedantry. Always amazes me how people use these forums in such a horrid way to score points and attack people. Sad sad people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine was way worse than an F-Off...But yea... you gotta laugh when they block you straight away after firing unprovoked uncalled for abuse

"
I just think to myself they have obviously got a screw loose.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Sorry to hear this OP. Many commentators calling you abusive are clearly being facetious and are wrong even within their own pedantry. Always amazes me how people use these forums in such a horrid way to score points and attack people. Sad sad people."

O wad some Power the giftie gie us, to see oursels as ithers see us!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Naming and shaming is against site rules but it isn't abusive. There is a big difference between the two.

Naming and shaming is abusive. One is unprovoked and the other is retaliation.

I only punched him miss cos he punched me first.

It's abuse.

That fact aside. It's against site rules.

Your analogy is miles off as well.

My analogy is perfect. "

Absolutely mental analogy! Even thinking of using legitimate self defence as a case for abuse... Imagine telling the victim of domestic violence they shouldn't speak out about what they're suffering, as they themselves will then be branded an abuser.

I understand where people are coming from with the status thing (not that I agree with them on this particular site rule, as I prefer to treat adults like adults, but hey ho...)

But that analogy...!!! Crikey.

That's really triggered me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?"

That’s definitely one way to do it !!!

Actually a really good way !

Not had many but I do enjoy a good abusive message i keep it in the PM but after I reply with a less then polite response I’m blocked straight away

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

That’s definitely one way to do it !!!

Actually a really good way !

Not had many but I do enjoy a good abusive message i keep it in the PM but after I reply with a less then polite response I’m blocked straight away "

Yes... I didn't see any harm in letting people know that there's a very verbal abusive person on here...& I'll say it again...the abuse was totally unprovoked...He just DM me outta the blue & was so nasty ha... but his behaviour didn't really upset me that much...i guess I'm trying to figure out his mentality...Also... his online behaviour could & more than likely would reflect in real life as in... He's probably abusive than too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?

That’s definitely one way to do it !!!

Actually a really good way !

Not had many but I do enjoy a good abusive message i keep it in the PM but after I reply with a less then polite response I’m blocked straight away

I swear he sounds like me !!!

Ok maybe there’s two sides to this

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By *ongueFkYouMan
over a year ago

Bradford

The way I handled him was...I had to Totally ignore him because he blocked me immediately after sending his highly abusive unprovoked DM.

I did call him out in a status & I shall do so every day for a wk ...ha

he deserves to be named & shamed...

How do others handle their abusive mail?"
you handled it the right way I get loads of abuse too because I am Pakistani don't know why tho I just block them too xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve just finished a 12 hour shift and this is still going on.

Right abuse happens on here. I’ve explained the main reason why. You can’t take it personal. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last person to get unsolicited abuse as a first message. Even I’ve had abusive first messages, usually saying I’m a fake account or I’m arrogant. You’re just making it into drama now. It’s not your duty or service to warn people. Just report it to admin.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve just finished a 12 hour shift and this is still going on.

I've taken on board the advice given here

I'm acknowledging some of the replies I've received here...I honestly don't think that should be seen or classed as "drama" in anyway. If I create a thread it's common courtesy to interact in said thread. I actually don't do drama...

Funny how comments can be misconstrued...That's what can happen though with text without facial expression or body language

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve just finished a 12 hour shift and this is still going on.

I've taken on board the advice given here

Funny how comments can be misconstrued...That's what can happen though with text without facial expression or body language"

It’s a shame you can’t scissor kick someone through the phone life on here would be much more simple

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By *aseMan
over a year ago

Gourock

BLOCK...Simple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve just finished a 12 hour shift and this is still going on.

I've taken on board the advice given here

Funny how comments can be misconstrued...That's what can happen though with text without facial expression or body language

It’s a shame you can’t scissor kick someone through the phone life on here would be much more simple "

Right either you’re stealing someone’s pictures or you’re originally from Ireland cos I know those tattoos. In fact I have the full picture with the face to go with it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Abuse is never ok. Always report to admin and let them deal with it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Here is an explanation from Admin from another thread on how they deal with reports.

******Just a quick note. If people report others and we can verify that they have broken site rules, we always take action (either a first and final warning, partially suspended account, fully suspended, mixture of the above).

Every single report sent via the REPORT link is reviewed. Clearly it's not in our interests to have people on here who are bad for the site. Equally we need to verify what has been reported and be fair to those who have been reported.

Admin

PS. we never provide feedback on what has happened. It's just not practical given that we get 100s of reports a day.

Here is what the page says after a report has been submitted:

Your feedback has been saved.

A website admin will shortly review your feedback and take the necessary action. After reviewing the evidence available to us, we may disable an account, remove a user, disable certain aspects of that user's account or issue a warning.

By leaving feedback you help improve the site for everyone who uses it. Thank you.******

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