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"Unless she's told you to wake her up like that it's not on!" My wife has given me consent to wake her up however I want so no issues here | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying." Being woken like that would freak me out if I’m honest. Being woken from sleep is a specific thing, for me anyway. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying." Same vice verse done to the man. Whilst sleeping awoken with cock & balls in her mouth. What a nice " rise n shine wake up call " hmmmmm yum yum..  | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying." A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying." Yes you should atleast of had a conversation about it at some point. I don't like being woken up at all but wouldn't enjoy this. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Being woken like that would freak me out if I’m honest. Being woken from sleep is a specific thing, for me anyway." Ah, I see. I never gave it a second thought before. If being woken from sleep is an issue also, I can understand this would quite jarring. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Same vice verse done to the man. Whilst sleeping awoken with cock & balls in her mouth. What a nice " rise n shine wake up call " hmmmmm yum yum.. "Precisely. For this reason, I never thought about how it might be quite jarring for a woman perhaps. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake "  | |||
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"I'm sure people wouldn't be batting an eyelid if it was a woman posing that she wants to wake her partner up with a BJ. Something I've read many times on here and it hasn't sparked this debate. " Is this just down to there being a difference between men and women though? | |||
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"Unless she's told you to wake her up like that it's not on! My wife has given me consent to wake her up however I want so no issues here" So why is this still only a fantasy?. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake "
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. " So every time my wife and I have sex we are supposed to ask if I have their permission and what maybe sign a consent form? That really stops spontaneous fun and the whole point of being married where trust is the foundation of the relationship. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake."Ohhh what are you baking? | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. " . I think on the basis that she has consented to a sexual encounter and most likely, had enjoyed the same act prior to her falling asleep with you in the same bed would be some form of trust, hence consent to being open to further acts that she would not deem to be assault. If she awoke and said stop whilst I persisted, that would be unacceptable. Being asleep is not being intoxicated by alcohol or synthetic chemicals. What would be the difference between this act and one where I press my erection against her from behind whilst she were asleep and for her to awaken with me between her thighs? If I had to seek prior consent for such acts having already established some sort of trust by having fallen asleep together after some passion, the effect would be woefully detumescent. Surely, you can feel the trust. Must I verbalise the act prior to trying it? | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Yes you should atleast of had a conversation about it at some point. I don't like being woken up at all but wouldn't enjoy this. " . It's a good point not liking being awoken to this. However, if you have trusted someone to have spent the night with him/her and they woke you this way, would you be angry or offended that they had assumed you might like it? Would it be more likely that you would tell them to stop because you don't like it. The thing is, it may not be something I would have thought of doing beforehand. I may not have even thought I would stay the night but passions overwhelmed. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake " My God, you're a hard man to please. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake.
Ohhh what are you baking? "Some special brownies for my son and daughter in law,chocolate flapjack for my grandchildren, a lemon meringue pie for after dinner tonight (I have guests) and some steak and redwine pies as they were requested. What is your favourite thing to eat? | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake My God, you're a hard man to please. "A man has needs | |||
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"In reality, she’s probably thinking ‘oh do fuck off and let me sleep’." For fear of that reason alone, I probably wouldn't try it. | |||
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"I'm sure people wouldn't be batting an eyelid if it was a woman posing that she wants to wake her partner up with a BJ. Something I've read many times on here and it hasn't sparked this debate. Is this just down to there being a difference between men and women though? " And that's a good point. As I've said above, I assumed women would enjoy it the way men tend to without giving it another thought. In my experience, I've been lucky that they do. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. . I think on the basis that she has consented to a sexual encounter and most likely, had enjoyed the same act prior to her falling asleep with you in the same bed would be some form of trust, hence consent to being open to further acts that she would not deem to be assault. If she awoke and said stop whilst I persisted, that would be unacceptable. Being asleep is not being intoxicated by alcohol or synthetic chemicals. What would be the difference between this act and one where I press my erection against her from behind whilst she were asleep and for her to awaken with me between her thighs? If I had to seek prior consent for such acts having already established some sort of trust by having fallen asleep together after some passion, the effect would be woefully detumescent. Surely, you can feel the trust. Must I verbalise the act prior to trying it?" There is such a thing a non-consensual sex even in a marriage or any long term relationship. To be woken during a sexual act that you have not been conscious for at the beginning will mean that you are performing a non-consensual act. | |||
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"In reality, she’s probably thinking ‘oh do fuck off and let me sleep’. For fear of that reason alone, I probably wouldn't try it. "I have told many men that I share this fantasy but I wake early so they have never had the opportunity.  | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake My God, you're a hard man to please.
A man has needs "You're right there, especially first thing in the morning!!  | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake.
Ohhh what are you baking?
Some special brownies for my son and daughter in law,chocolate flapjack for my grandchildren, a lemon meringue pie for after dinner tonight (I have guests) and some steak and redwine pies as they were requested.
What is your favourite thing to eat? "I think he's on his way to yours now. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. So every time my wife and I have sex we are supposed to ask if I have their permission and what maybe sign a consent form? That really stops spontaneous fun and the whole point of being married where trust is the foundation of the relationship. " I said the consent had to be trusted and not assumed. I'm sure many married couples have an understanding (as do we) that being woken with sexual acts is perfectly OK but the consent is not assumed just because we are husband and wife. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. So every time my wife and I have sex we are supposed to ask if I have their permission and what maybe sign a consent form? That really stops spontaneous fun and the whole point of being married where trust is the foundation of the relationship. " | |||
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"If I had to seek prior consent for such acts having already established some sort of trust by having fallen asleep together after some passion, the effect would be woefully detumescent. Surely, you can feel the trust. Must I verbalise the act prior to trying it?" I understand your thought process but unfortunately your feeling of trust isn’t the same as hers and assuming it is wrong. If it was me, I’d wake her with a hot cup of coffee and then have a discussion about waking her with sex in future. It’s always risky though because it’s going to be “assumed” consent until she wakes up | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Yes you should atleast of had a conversation about it at some point. I don't like being woken up at all but wouldn't enjoy this. . It's a good point not liking being awoken to this. However, if you have trusted someone to have spent the night with him/her and they woke you this way, would you be angry or offended that they had assumed you might like it? Would it be more likely that you would tell them to stop because you don't like it. The thing is, it may not be something I would have thought of doing beforehand. I may not have even thought I would stay the night but passions overwhelmed." Yes I would be because we'd already have some from of friendship to be in that situation which would mean we'd of already had the conversation that I don't like it. So then they've done something without my consent. | |||
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"Being asleep is not being intoxicated by alcohol or synthetic chemicals. What would be the difference between this act and one where I press my erection against her from behind whilst she were asleep and for her to awaken with me between her thighs? If I had to seek prior consent for such acts having already established some sort of trust by having fallen asleep together after some passion, the effect would be woefully detumescent. Surely, you can feel the trust. Must I verbalise the act prior to trying it? There is such a thing a non-consensual sex even in a marriage or any long term relationship. To be woken during a sexual act that you have not been conscious for at the beginning will mean that you are performing a non-consensual act. " . Indeed, there is. However, if there is a level of trust and exploration expected within the relationship, whether short term or long, I would expect there to be some form of acceptance that we may explore to a certain degree, just as I would assume that pushing my hardness between her legs is something she may consent to whilst she is asleep. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake.
Ohhh what are you baking?
Some special brownies for my son and daughter in law,chocolate flapjack for my grandchildren, a lemon meringue pie for after dinner tonight (I have guests) and some steak and redwine pies as they were requested.
What is your favourite thing to eat? "Flippin heck - I’m yours, take me now | |||
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"In reality, she’s probably thinking ‘oh do fuck off and let me sleep’. For fear of that reason alone, I probably wouldn't try it.
I have told many men that I share this fantasy but I wake early so they have never had the opportunity. ". Now, I don't know whether to use in sympathy or . Either way, hugs. | |||
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I am OP.
Never role played it yet - but I do find it a turn on! | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. . I think on the basis that she has consented to a sexual encounter and most likely, had enjoyed the same act prior to her falling asleep with you in the same bed would be some form of trust, hence consent to being open to further acts that she would not deem to be assault. If she awoke and said stop whilst I persisted, that would be unacceptable. Being asleep is not being intoxicated by alcohol or synthetic chemicals. What would be the difference between this act and one where I press my erection against her from behind whilst she were asleep and for her to awaken with me between her thighs? If I had to seek prior consent for such acts having already established some sort of trust by having fallen asleep together after some passion, the effect would be woefully detumescent. Surely, you can feel the trust. Must I verbalise the act prior to trying it?" Then you risk being woefully mistaken. Sex the night before does not imply consent for anything the morning after whatsoever. Especially more troublesome in casual encounters, especially on the first night. If she awoke to you doing anything sexual that she was uncomfortable with then the act is complete and subsequently any matching sexual offences that go with it. Alcohol/Drugs can often be a catalyst for these situations but they don't have to be and someone who is asleep is in no better a position to consent than someone who is intoxicated, medically ill or physically/mentally unable to provide consent. I never said it had to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted. A snuggle and spoon whilst dozing that leads to an invitational bum wiggle or the first kiss of the morning is a lot different to starting oral/intercourse with someone who is still not fully awake. | |||
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"If I had to seek prior consent for such acts having already established some sort of trust by having fallen asleep together after some passion, the effect would be woefully detumescent. Surely, you can feel the trust. Must I verbalise the act prior to trying it? I understand your thought process but unfortunately your feeling of trust isn’t the same as hers and assuming it is wrong. If it was me, I’d wake her with a hot cup of coffee and then have a discussion about waking her with sex in future. It’s always risky though because it’s going to be “assumed” consent until she wakes up " . Ah, I see your point. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake.
Ohhh what are you baking?
Some special brownies for my son and daughter in law,chocolate flapjack for my grandchildren, a lemon meringue pie for after dinner tonight (I have guests) and some steak and redwine pies as they were requested.
What is your favourite thing to eat?
I think he's on his way to yours now. "I'm good at sharing | |||
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"Being asleep is not being intoxicated by alcohol or synthetic chemicals. What would be the difference between this act and one where I press my erection against her from behind whilst she were asleep and for her to awaken with me between her thighs? If I had to seek prior consent for such acts having already established some sort of trust by having fallen asleep together after some passion, the effect would be woefully detumescent. Surely, you can feel the trust. Must I verbalise the act prior to trying it? There is such a thing a non-consensual sex even in a marriage or any long term relationship. To be woken during a sexual act that you have not been conscious for at the beginning will mean that you are performing a non-consensual act. . Indeed, there is. However, if there is a level of trust and exploration expected within the relationship, whether short term or long, I would expect there to be some form of acceptance that we may explore to a certain degree, just as I would assume that pushing my hardness between her legs is something she may consent to whilst she is asleep." Assumptions can be very dangerous. We can all assume things and those assumptions can be wrong. The difference with this is that you are assuming constant based on previous activity and consent. | |||
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"In reality, she’s probably thinking ‘oh do fuck off and let me sleep’. For fear of that reason alone, I probably wouldn't try it.
I have told many men that I share this fantasy but I wake early so they have never had the opportunity.
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Now, I don't know whether to use in sympathy or . Either way, hugs."I just need a better calibre of men than I have had in the past | |||
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"In reality, she’s probably thinking ‘oh do fuck off and let me sleep’." | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Yes you should atleast of had a conversation about it at some point. I don't like being woken up at all but wouldn't enjoy this. . It's a good point not liking being awoken to this. However, if you have trusted someone to have spent the night with him/her and they woke you this way, would you be angry or offended that they had assumed you might like it? Would it be more likely that you would tell them to stop because you don't like it. The thing is, it may not be something I would have thought of doing beforehand. I may not have even thought I would stay the night but passions overwhelmed. Yes I would be because we'd already have some from of friendship to be in that situation which would mean we'd of already had the conversation that I don't like it. So then they've done something without my consent. " I agree with you, absolutely. If you've already said you don't like it, yet they still do it, is unacceptable. That thought process would be akin to people who tell you 'but you've never had it done by me', isn't it?  | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying." Actually, I'd still want you to check with me, even if we'd had sex, and I would really not like being woken up like this. Me consenting to sex the night before, while awake and able to give you little cues about whether I liked it, is very different to you then doing something while I'm sleeping that we haven't discussed at all. It doesn't have to be done in a "will you give consent" way that might kill the romance. You could have talked previously about whether she found the idea hot, for example. In which case I'd say no, and then you'd know. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake.
Ohhh what are you baking?
Some special brownies for my son and daughter in law,chocolate flapjack for my grandchildren, a lemon meringue pie for after dinner tonight (I have guests) and some steak and redwine pies as they were requested.
What is your favourite thing to eat?
Flippin heck - I’m yours, take me now "I genuinely need someone who I can fill with treats  | |||
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"In reality, she’s probably thinking ‘oh do fuck off and let me sleep’." . | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake.
Ohhh what are you baking?
Some special brownies for my son and daughter in law,chocolate flapjack for my grandchildren, a lemon meringue pie for after dinner tonight (I have guests) and some steak and redwine pies as they were requested.
What is your favourite thing to eat?
Flippin heck - I’m yours, take me now
I genuinely need someone who I can fill with treats "* Grabs car keys and a bib* | |||
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"You'd only do this sort of sex play with someone you'd trust with your life.... I think it's kinda obvious, it's not for a casual encounter. "Exactly | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake
Exactly what I have been doing this morning, only creeping because it is early though.There is never anyone to wake.
Ohhh what are you baking?
Some special brownies for my son and daughter in law,chocolate flapjack for my grandchildren, a lemon meringue pie for after dinner tonight (I have guests) and some steak and redwine pies as they were requested.
What is your favourite thing to eat?
Flippin heck - I’m yours, take me now
I genuinely need someone who I can fill with treats
* Grabs car keys and a bib* "Just follow your nose  | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying." Yes you still need consent. I know of a case where a couple were in bed together, her pregnant with his baby. He touched her when she was asleep and started to have sex and he was done for r-ape | |||
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"Then you risk being woefully mistaken. Sex the night before does not imply consent for anything the morning after whatsoever. Especially more troublesome in casual encounters, especially on the first night. If she awoke to you doing anything sexual that she was uncomfortable with then the act is complete and subsequently any matching sexual offences that go with it. Alcohol/Drugs can often be a catalyst for these situations but they don't have to be and someone who is asleep is in no better a position to consent than someone who is intoxicated, medically ill or physically/mentally unable to provide consent. I never said it had to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted. A snuggle and spoon whilst dozing that leads to an invitational bum wiggle or the first kiss of the morning is a lot different to starting oral/intercourse with someone who is still not fully awake. " . I am speaking of a consenting adult, fully cognisant of her consent without being inhibited by factors such as alcohol and medical or mental incapacity. Whilst she may be asleep, hence unaware at the time, whether it is oral stimulation or thrusting my erection between her legs, it could be deemed to be assault by your definition. 'A snuggle and spoon whilst dozing that leads to an invitational bum wiggle' is precisely that, "whilst dozing". If she were asleep, by your definition, can I safely say that she wants an erect penis trust between her legs? How is this different from a tongue on her clit? A tongue on her clit whilst dozing may be deemed an invitation to more also. | |||
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"Being asleep is not being intoxicated by alcohol or synthetic chemicals. What would be the difference between this act and one where I press my erection against her from behind whilst she were asleep and for her to awaken with me between her thighs? If I had to seek prior consent for such acts having already established some sort of trust by having fallen asleep together after some passion, the effect would be woefully detumescent. Surely, you can feel the trust. Must I verbalise the act prior to trying it? There is such a thing a non-consensual sex even in a marriage or any long term relationship. To be woken during a sexual act that you have not been conscious for at the beginning will mean that you are performing a non-consensual act. . Indeed, there is. However, if there is a level of trust and exploration expected within the relationship, whether short term or long, I would expect there to be some form of acceptance that we may explore to a certain degree, just as I would assume that pushing my hardness between her legs is something she may consent to whilst she is asleep. Assumptions can be very dangerous. We can all assume things and those assumptions can be wrong. The difference with this is that you are assuming constant based on previous activity and consent. " You have a good point. My assumptions are based on the fact that I have never had casual encounters and I think I find this aspect difficult to understand. However, some of you have pointed out what my assumptions are and it fair enough. This is why I stick around the Forum. | |||
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"In reality, she’s probably thinking ‘oh do fuck off and let me sleep’. For fear of that reason alone, I probably wouldn't try it.
I have told many men that I share this fantasy but I wake early so they have never had the opportunity.
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Now, I don't know whether to use in sympathy or . Either way, hugs.
I just need a better calibre of men than I have had in the past "Nah, I'm sure they were of sound clibre. You need to rise later or they earlier.  | |||
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"Then you risk being woefully mistaken. Sex the night before does not imply consent for anything the morning after whatsoever. Especially more troublesome in casual encounters, especially on the first night. If she awoke to you doing anything sexual that she was uncomfortable with then the act is complete and subsequently any matching sexual offences that go with it. Alcohol/Drugs can often be a catalyst for these situations but they don't have to be and someone who is asleep is in no better a position to consent than someone who is intoxicated, medically ill or physically/mentally unable to provide consent. I never said it had to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted. A snuggle and spoon whilst dozing that leads to an invitational bum wiggle or the first kiss of the morning is a lot different to starting oral/intercourse with someone who is still not fully awake. . I am speaking of a consenting adult, fully cognisant of her consent without being inhibited by factors such as alcohol and medical or mental incapacity. Whilst she may be asleep, hence unaware at the time, whether it is oral stimulation or thrusting my erection between her legs, it could be deemed to be assault by your definition. 'A snuggle and spoon whilst dozing that leads to an invitational bum wiggle' is precisely that, "whilst dozing". If she were asleep, by your definition, can I safely say that she wants an erect penis trust between her legs? How is this different from a tongue on her clit? A tongue on her clit whilst dozing may be deemed an invitation to more also." Because whilst dozing she is conscious. The other is non consensual sexual act. I’m trying to put this nicely without using the R word | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Actually, I'd still want you to check with me, even if we'd had sex, and I would really not like being woken up like this. Me consenting to sex the night before, while awake and able to give you little cues about whether I liked it, is very different to you then doing something while I'm sleeping that we haven't discussed at all. It doesn't have to be done in a "will you give consent" way that might kill the romance. You could have talked previously about whether she found the idea hot, for example. In which case I'd say no, and then you'd know." Ah, I see. Thanks. It's like someone said earlier, a cup of coffee and asking if you might've liked being awoken that way could get quite steamy in itself. | |||
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"Poor OP forgot to type (I give her consent) Would of been a different thread then and probably a few sexy ideas thrown in by people .... " A very good point. I must admit to being caught out by the consent notion also. I always felt it was an intimate way to wake a woman and I certainly never sought consent for it but they loved it. | |||
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"You'd only do this sort of sex play with someone you'd trust with your life.... I think it's kinda obvious, it's not for a casual encounter. "Another good point. I've never had a casual encounter, hence I think I took the trust for granted but it's very eye opening for me to have had the consent issue raised. | |||
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"Lovely fantasy and all that but I always need a wee when I wake up " | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Yes you still need consent. I know of a case where a couple were in bed together, her pregnant with his baby. He touched her when she was asleep and started to have sex and he was done for r-ape" Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so. | |||
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"Wow this escalated "No, it didn't. I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Yes you still need consent. I know of a case where a couple were in bed together, her pregnant with his baby. He touched her when she was asleep and started to have sex and he was done for r-ape Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so." Any form of sexual contact without clear consent is a sexual offence. If you are having sex with someone, conscious or not, that hasn’t given clear consent for that act you will been charged with r-ape. Including those married or in long term relationships. What you are saying here is that just because she didn’t so no, then that’s ok. Or needs to come from the opposite way. Unless it’s a yes, then it’s a no. | |||
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"Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so." That’s the wrong way around. Saying nothing means “no” | |||
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"Do that to me without talking about it first and all its liable to get you is drop kicked out of my bed, it's an emotional trigger for me from a past relationship. " This, I can understand, but I don't think anyone would do this from a casual encounter. I suppose my inexperience with them and my not even thinking I'd ever want one without getting to know the woman first gave me assumptions that the trust is already there. I didn't think from a casual encounter perspective. | |||
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"Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so. That’s the wrong way around. Saying nothing means “no”" | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation."It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time That's escalation | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation." | |||
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"Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so. That’s the wrong way around. Saying nothing means “no”" I beg to differ. They were clearly in a relationship by mere fact that she is in bed with the father of the child. I think that level of relationship can assume some consent as a couple. Women who don't want to be touched when pregnant would need to say 'no' to their regular partner. | |||
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"Just out of interest, how many women sleep on their back with their legs wide enough for a man to climb between and go face first? My partner has given me oral first thing in the morning, but not woken me with oral because he needs to wake me up to reposition my body." Good point | |||
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"Do that to me without talking about it first and all its liable to get you is drop kicked out of my bed, it's an emotional trigger for me from a past relationship. This, I can understand, but I don't think anyone would do this from a casual encounter. I suppose my inexperience with them and my not even thinking I'd ever want one without getting to know the woman first gave me assumptions that the trust is already there. I didn't think from a casual encounter perspective." Stop assuming things. Plus also if someone comments and mentions that the subject matter causes emotional triggers then don’t push the subject further with them | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation "Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white. | |||
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"The emotionally intelligent people really stand out on this thread "In your opinion of course, without judging a stranger the ones that aren't? | |||
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"Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so. That’s the wrong way around. Saying nothing means “no” I beg to differ. They were clearly in a relationship by mere fact that she is in bed with the father of the child. I think that level of relationship can assume some consent as a couple. Women who don't want to be touched when pregnant would need to say 'no' to their regular partner." I’ve been married for 19 years, but if I woke up and my husband was having sex with me then I’d be upset and furious! | |||
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"So every time my wife and I have sex we are supposed to ask if I have their permission and what maybe sign a consent form? That really stops spontaneous fun and the whole point of being married where trust is the foundation of the relationship. " The defendant (A) has the responsibility to ensure that (B) consents to the sexual activity at the time in question. It will be important for the police to ask the suspect in interview what steps (s)he took to satisfy him or herself that the complainant consented in order to show his or her state of mind at the time. | |||
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"The bit that really stands out is that you’re making all kinds of reasons up why it’s fine but it’s still only something that *you* want to do, which you’re turning into “that makes it fine” There’s a YouTube video about Consent and Tea which is worth a watch" Who are you addressing? | |||
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"Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so. That’s the wrong way around. Saying nothing means “no” I beg to differ. They were clearly in a relationship by mere fact that she is in bed with the father of the child. I think that level of relationship can assume some consent as a couple. Women who don't want to be touched when pregnant would need to say 'no' to their regular partner." It’s a common assumption, but not true. You don’t have to believe me, but that case in law proves it. I think more awareness about entitlement is a good thing | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white."Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others. As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread | |||
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"Do that to me without talking about it first and all its liable to get you is drop kicked out of my bed, it's an emotional trigger for me from a past relationship. This, I can understand, but I don't think anyone would do this from a casual encounter. I suppose my inexperience with them and my not even thinking I'd ever want one without getting to know the woman first gave me assumptions that the trust is already there. I didn't think from a casual encounter perspective." Even in a relationship this is a big no from me unless discussed and he knows that, just because I'm in a relationship with them doesn't mean it's a free for all with my body. Waking to find my ex having sex with me was pretty downright unnerving for many reasons I won't go into. | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread "The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams | |||
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"The bit that really stands out is that you’re making all kinds of reasons up why it’s fine but it’s still only something that *you* want to do, which you’re turning into “that makes it fine” There’s a YouTube video about Consent and Tea which is worth a watch Who are you addressing?" It was you, my bad for the snipping the conversation | |||
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"So every time my wife and I have sex we are supposed to ask if I have their permission and what maybe sign a consent form? That really stops spontaneous fun and the whole point of being married where trust is the foundation of the relationship. The defendant (A) has the responsibility to ensure that (B) consents to the sexual activity at the time in question. It will be important for the police to ask the suspect in interview what steps (s)he took to satisfy him or herself that the complainant consented in order to show his or her state of mind at the time." | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread "You’re right, he didn’t imply, he made it quite clear “while she’s sleeping” | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. Yes you still need consent. I know of a case where a couple were in bed together, her pregnant with his baby. He touched her when she was asleep and started to have sex and he was done for r-ape Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so." There were no other issues at all. He tried to have sex when she was asleep. In law that is r-ape as she wasn't awake to consent. Cold hard facts. | |||
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"Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so. That’s the wrong way around. Saying nothing means “no” I beg to differ. They were clearly in a relationship by mere fact that she is in bed with the father of the child. I think that level of relationship can assume some consent as a couple. Women who don't want to be touched when pregnant would need to say 'no' to their regular partner. I’ve been married for 19 years, but if I woke up and my husband was having sex with me then I’d be upset and furious!" Well of course that's the point about kinks/sex. It's knowing your partner and what works .... The OP is just wanting to talk about it not ask advice if he's to do that act randomly .... | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread
The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams"Yes but you have seen several people comment that it is also a fantasy for them. None of them said anything about consent not being part of the equation. Within 5 posts people were talking about r*pe. It is a legitimate discussion but it's taken over the thread and diverted it. | |||
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"Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so. That’s the wrong way around. Saying nothing means “no” I beg to differ. They were clearly in a relationship by mere fact that she is in bed with the father of the child. I think that level of relationship can assume some consent as a couple. Women who don't want to be touched when pregnant would need to say 'no' to their regular partner. I’ve been married for 19 years, but if I woke up and my husband was having sex with me then I’d be upset and furious! Well of course that's the point about kinks/sex. It's knowing your partner and what works .... The OP is just wanting to talk about it not ask advice if he's to do that act randomly .... " I realise that, I was just responding to the reply where he stated that unless the woman specifically told her partner no to sex whilst she was asleep then the fact that they’re married and sharing a bed was enough to imply consent for doing it | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread
The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams
Yes but you have seen several people comment that it is also a fantasy for them. None of them said anything about consent not being part of the equation.
Within 5 posts people were talking about r*pe. It is a legitimate discussion but it's taken over the thread and diverted it. "The thread opened up a discussion which seems to of be had in quite an adult way. Isn’t this how conversations go sometimes? | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread
The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams
Yes but you have seen several people comment that it is also a fantasy for them. None of them said anything about consent not being part of the equation.
Within 5 posts people were talking about r*pe. It is a legitimate discussion but it's taken over the thread and diverted it. "Welcome to anything that's kink related in the forums  | |||
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"Surely, there must have been other issues here. It can't be that he had sex with her whilst she were asleep unless she had, specifically, forbade him from doing so. That’s the wrong way around. Saying nothing means “no” I beg to differ. They were clearly in a relationship by mere fact that she is in bed with the father of the child. I think that level of relationship can assume some consent as a couple. Women who don't want to be touched when pregnant would need to say 'no' to their regular partner." Being in bed with someone proves nothing and why does the woman have to say no to their partner after they've tried it on? There's so many assumptions in that paragraph. | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread
The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams
Yes but you have seen several people comment that it is also a fantasy for them. None of them said anything about consent not being part of the equation.
Within 5 posts people were talking about r*pe. It is a legitimate discussion but it's taken over the thread and diverted it.
The thread opened up a discussion which seems to of be had in quite an adult way. Isn’t this how conversations go sometimes? "You don't see that if a woman had posted something similar then it wouldn't have headed in this direction? | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread
The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams
Yes but you have seen several people comment that it is also a fantasy for them. None of them said anything about consent not being part of the equation.
Within 5 posts people were talking about r*pe. It is a legitimate discussion but it's taken over the thread and diverted it.
The thread opened up a discussion which seems to of be had in quite an adult way. Isn’t this how conversations go sometimes?
You don't see that if a woman had posted something similar then it wouldn't have headed in this direction?"Not for me personally. Consent needs to be given both ways | |||
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"Let's say concent was given by your partner via whatever means. I'm trying to think along a contract kind of concent. Written, signed and delivered. Would that contract stand up if your partner was to simply say "I changed my mind". There is also the scenario of, let's say after a nice night and you fall asleep. You wake up and start to touch while your partner is asleep. Is that done with concent. Bit too much overthinking, I need coffee." Nope, it would be not with standing as consent can be drawn at any time....you can be in the middle of penetrative sex and have the right to withdraw consent.. | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread
The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams
Yes but you have seen several people comment that it is also a fantasy for them. None of them said anything about consent not being part of the equation.
Within 5 posts people were talking about r*pe. It is a legitimate discussion but it's taken over the thread and diverted it.
The thread opened up a discussion which seems to of be had in quite an adult way. Isn’t this how conversations go sometimes?
You don't see that if a woman had posted something similar then it wouldn't have headed in this direction?
Not for me personally. Consent needs to be given both ways"I wasn't asking if you were interested in it. | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation "“Don’t sexually abuse people” is quite a key message though, not quite an escalation. | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread
The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams
Yes but you have seen several people comment that it is also a fantasy for them. None of them said anything about consent not being part of the equation.
Within 5 posts people were talking about r*pe. It is a legitimate discussion but it's taken over the thread and diverted it.
The thread opened up a discussion which seems to of be had in quite an adult way. Isn’t this how conversations go sometimes?
You don't see that if a woman had posted something similar then it wouldn't have headed in this direction?
Not for me personally. Consent needs to be given both ways
I wasn't asking if you were interested in it. "No you asked if the roles were reversed. My answer would of still been about consent | |||
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"Let's say concent was given by your partner via whatever means. I'm trying to think along a contract kind of concent. Written, signed and delivered. Would that contract stand up if your partner was to simply say "I changed my mind". There is also the scenario of, let's say after a nice night and you fall asleep. You wake up and start to touch while your partner is asleep. Is that done with concent. Bit too much overthinking, I need coffee." Very much overthinking. Consent isn’t a contract. It’s a simple conversation. Personally I don’t stay overnight with people or fall asleep with them. And if I did - I would perhaps say something like “we fucking in the morning?” Or something like that. But yes, either party is welcome to change their mind at any point in time. Separately - I use to play with a guy who would get very d*unk. He turned up a few times d*unk/would fall asleep and although we had sex plenty of times previously, at no point did I want to wake him for sex or to engage in any sexual activity with him while he was sleeping. Could’ve easily “woken him with a blow job” but sleeping men just aren’t appealing to me…. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake " What flavour would that be ? | |||
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"Wow this escalated
No, it didn't.
I see people who discussed the issue like mature adults. I don't see anyone ridiculing anyone else for asking questions or challenging another's opinion. Surely that's not escalation.
It went from 'I have a fantasy' to 'Don't sexually abuse people' in record time
That's escalation
Well, sometimes there’s a thin line. Not everything is black and white.
Correct. The OP never implied it was being done without consent. That bandwagon was jumped on quickly by others.
As has been said 'I'd love to wake my partner by giving him a blowjob' would have resulted in a very different thread
The OP never mentioned he was going to wake her at any point. Do it while she was sleeping and give her wet dreams
Yes but you have seen several people comment that it is also a fantasy for them. None of them said anything about consent not being part of the equation.
Within 5 posts people were talking about r*pe. It is a legitimate discussion but it's taken over the thread and diverted it.
The thread opened up a discussion which seems to of be had in quite an adult way. Isn’t this how conversations go sometimes?
You don't see that if a woman had posted something similar then it wouldn't have headed in this direction?
Not for me personally. Consent needs to be given both ways
I wasn't asking if you were interested in it.
No you asked if the roles were reversed. My answer would of still been about consent"I asked about the direction of the thread. It would not have gone down the consent route | |||
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"Just out of interest, how many women sleep on their back with their legs wide enough for a man to climb between and go face first? My partner has given me oral first thing in the morning, but not woken me with oral because he needs to wake me up to reposition my body." No Idea but I tend to sleep on my side with one leg up and I fart a lot..... Good luck to whoever........ | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying." To me it doesn't mean being a signed statement, it is a process. As you say, if you're already in bed with someone and have fallen asleep cuddled up together after sex it is perfectly reasonable to assume you have consent to continue touch her. However, with someone you don't know well it is also sensible to bare in mind that she (or he) may have part experiences or even just preferences that mean they won't react well to certain behaviors. For me doing stuff to a sleeping partner would only be after getting to know her, getting to either learn or be told how she responds to being awakened. Her ladyship for example has given me explicit permission to do anything I want. My ex wife would respond to a cuddle in her sleep with a sound of contentment and wriggling into me but an intimate touch would get a tut followed by a huff and a violent pulling away - all without waking. Consent can be subtle. Mr | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake What flavour would that be ?" Any..except coffee and walnut. Oh and fruit cake. | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake What flavour would that be ? Any..except coffee and walnut. Oh and fruit cake. " Oh, I am so with you on that! X | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. So every time my wife and I have sex we are supposed to ask if I have their permission and what maybe sign a consent form? That really stops spontaneous fun and the whole point of being married where trust is the foundation of the relationship. " Why do people think asking for consent has to be clunky and ruin the flow of sex? Putting someone’s hair behind their ear and whispering “do you want it?” before you do anything is both seeking consent and fucking sexy. See also - “tell me what you want me to do to you” | |||
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"One of my fantasies is to give oral while she’s sleeping (hairy pussy preferred but not essential) Il be using two fingers mouth and tongue only, unless she provides toys or vibrator.. I will be slowly licking with long tongue strokes and kissing around her vulva outer labia to stimulate her vaginal clitoris head, (I call this magic pearl) her hormones will cause a rise in blood pressure allowing her to ejaculate more than once, I wanna hear her moan and watch her legs shake while she carries on having multiple orgasms.. At the same time I will be wanking my hard cock enjoying the taste of her juices. ... guarantee happy wet dreams. "As long as she consents to you doing this to her - otherwise it’s not acceptable | |||
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"Let's say concent was given by your partner via whatever means. I'm trying to think along a contract kind of concent. Written, signed and delivered. Would that contract stand up if your partner was to simply say "I changed my mind". There is also the scenario of, let's say after a nice night and you fall asleep. You wake up and start to touch while your partner is asleep. Is that done with concent. Bit too much overthinking, I need coffee. Very much overthinking. Consent isn’t a contract. It’s a simple conversation. Personally I don’t stay overnight with people or fall asleep with them. And if I did - I would perhaps say something like “we fucking in the morning?” Or something like that. But yes, either party is welcome to change their mind at any point in time. Separately - I use to play with a guy who would get very d*unk. He turned up a few times d*unk/would fall asleep and although we had sex plenty of times previously, at no point did I want to wake him for sex or to engage in any sexual activity with him while he was sleeping. Could’ve easily “woken him with a blow job” but sleeping men just aren’t appealing to me…." Agree. I don't sleep over either, for this very reason. Being asleep is vulnerable. Fine with someone I trust but no way with a stranger. | |||
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand what 'prior consent' means. If she's already in bed with me, having fallen asleep after our passionate tryst, do I really need to seek prior consent to awaken her in this gentle manner? I'm not being facetious, I really am confused about this. In my experience, doing the slightly unexpected is what enhances the experience. Surely she would be able to say 'stop' if she didn't enjoy it when she does awaken. Unless I've misunderstood it to mean seeking prior consent from someone I hadn't had a sexual encounter with prior to falling asleep together in bed, then that goes without saying. A prior sexual encounter does not give you any right, privilege or passage to any future sexual activity regardless of whether it's a one night stand or with your wife or husband The unexpected certainly does heighten things but being asleep is definitely a risky area here. Her waking to say stop means that any 'violations' that are interpreted from your spontaneous burst of passion would suggest that a criminal offence had already been completed. The same goes either way, prior sexual encounter or not. It doesn't have to be verbalised but it does have to be trusted that it would be given rather than assumed just because he/she is lying in bed naked next to you. So every time my wife and I have sex we are supposed to ask if I have their permission and what maybe sign a consent form? That really stops spontaneous fun and the whole point of being married where trust is the foundation of the relationship. Why do people think asking for consent has to be clunky and ruin the flow of sex? Putting someone’s hair behind their ear and whispering “do you want it?” before you do anything is both seeking consent and fucking sexy. See also - “tell me what you want me to do to you”" I much prefer a written contract | |||
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"Unless she's told you to wake her up like that it's not on! My wife has given me consent to wake her up however I want so no issues here" Sorted. Does she return the favour? | |||
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"Love waking a women up this way " To clarify this is with consent prior haha | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake " Oh god, thats mine too | |||
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"Do that to me without talking about it first and all its liable to get you is drop kicked out of my bed, it's an emotional trigger for me from a past relationship. This, I can understand, but I don't think anyone would do this from a casual encounter. I suppose my inexperience with them and my not even thinking I'd ever want one without getting to know the woman first gave me assumptions that the trust is already there. I didn't think from a casual encounter perspective. Stop assuming things. Plus also if someone comments and mentions that the subject matter causes emotional triggers then don’t push the subject further with them" . I decided to leave the thread and generally stay off the Forum for a couple of days when I got to this comment. Now that I know the reason for your sudden and unnecessary outburst, let me address why it isn't your business to tell me what to stop doing in the same manner and tone that you used. I had assumed the OP was talking about a consensual and intimate relationship, which is why I didn't understand what seeking consent meant. I assumed the OP's fantasy did not mean that he wanted to do it in an abusive manner, in an abusive relationship or anything other than in a consensual, trusting and intimate relationship. Why should I not have assumed he meant it was consensual? What some of you were talking about was abuse. It didn't occur to me at the time because I don't have an understanding of it. It doesn't pop into my mind quite so readily. Not everyone has the same understanding as you may be privy to nor are as enlightened about the facts. It is why we ask questions and hope to have a decent discussion without personal attacks | |||
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"Do that to me without talking about it first and all its liable to get you is drop kicked out of my bed, it's an emotional trigger for me from a past relationship. This, I can understand, but I don't think anyone would do this from a casual encounter. I suppose my inexperience with them and my not even thinking I'd ever want one without getting to know the woman first gave me assumptions that the trust is already there. I didn't think from a casual encounter perspective. Stop assuming things. Plus also if someone comments and mentions that the subject matter causes emotional triggers then don’t push the subject further with them . I decided to leave the thread and generally stay off the Forum for a couple of days when I got to this comment. Now that I know the reason for your sudden and unnecessary outburst, let me address why it isn't your business to tell me what to stop doing in the same manner and tone that you used. I had assumed the OP was talking about a consensual and intimate relationship, which is why I didn't understand what seeking consent meant. I assumed the OP's fantasy did not mean that he wanted to do it in an abusive manner, in an abusive relationship or anything other than in a consensual, trusting and intimate relationship. Why should I not have assumed he meant it was consensual? What some of you were talking about was abuse. It didn't occur to me at the time because I don't have an understanding of it. It doesn't pop into my mind quite so readily. Not everyone has the same understanding as you may be privy to nor are as enlightened about the facts. It is why we ask questions and hope to have a decent discussion without personal attacks"  | |||
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"Do that to me without talking about it first and all its liable to get you is drop kicked out of my bed, it's an emotional trigger for me from a past relationship. This, I can understand, but I don't think anyone would do this from a casual encounter. I suppose my inexperience with them and my not even thinking I'd ever want one without getting to know the woman first gave me assumptions that the trust is already there. I didn't think from a casual encounter perspective. Stop assuming things. Plus also if someone comments and mentions that the subject matter causes emotional triggers then don’t push the subject further with them . I decided to leave the thread and generally stay off the Forum for a couple of days when I got to this comment. Now that I know the reason for your sudden and unnecessary outburst, let me address why it isn't your business to tell me what to stop doing in the same manner and tone that you used. I had assumed the OP was talking about a consensual and intimate relationship, which is why I didn't understand what seeking consent meant. I assumed the OP's fantasy did not mean that he wanted to do it in an abusive manner, in an abusive relationship or anything other than in a consensual, trusting and intimate relationship. Why should I not have assumed he meant it was consensual? What some of you were talking about was abuse. It didn't occur to me at the time because I don't have an understanding of it. It doesn't pop into my mind quite so readily. Not everyone has the same understanding as you may be privy to nor are as enlightened about the facts. It is why we ask questions and hope to have a decent discussion without personal attacks" This wasn’t a personal attack. I was trying to get you to understand that you can never just assume things of you are serious about swinging. You will never know everything there is to know about a person like you would in a relationship. Assumptions lead to a whole world of potential trouble for all involved. Many people carry scars from life that they will never reveal so you can never assume that they don’t have any just because they are not visible | |||
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"Do that to me without talking about it first and all its liable to get you is drop kicked out of my bed, it's an emotional trigger for me from a past relationship. This, I can understand, but I don't think anyone would do this from a casual encounter. I suppose my inexperience with them and my not even thinking I'd ever want one without getting to know the woman first gave me assumptions that the trust is already there. I didn't think from a casual encounter perspective. Stop assuming things. Plus also if someone comments and mentions that the subject matter causes emotional triggers then don’t push the subject further with them . I decided to leave the thread and generally stay off the Forum for a couple of days when I got to this comment. Now that I know the reason for your sudden and unnecessary outburst, let me address why it isn't your business to tell me what to stop doing in the same manner and tone that you used. I had assumed the OP was talking about a consensual and intimate relationship, which is why I didn't understand what seeking consent meant. I assumed the OP's fantasy did not mean that he wanted to do it in an abusive manner, in an abusive relationship or anything other than in a consensual, trusting and intimate relationship. Why should I not have assumed he meant it was consensual? What some of you were talking about was abuse. It didn't occur to me at the time because I don't have an understanding of it. It doesn't pop into my mind quite so readily. Not everyone has the same understanding as you may be privy to nor are as enlightened about the facts. It is why we ask questions and hope to have a decent discussion without personal attacks This wasn’t a personal attack. I was trying to get you to understand that you can never just assume things of you are serious about swinging. You will never know everything there is to know about a person like you would in a relationship. Assumptions lead to a whole world of potential trouble for all involved. Many people carry scars from life that they will never reveal so you can never assume that they don’t have any just because they are not visible " . I do have the common sense not to assume such issues as you have mentioned in a real situation. However, my assumption in this thread was based on the fact that the OP is talking about a consensual relationship and what his fantasy is in it. You statement about emotional triggers was based on knowledge you were privy to, hence your tone. In what manner did I push the issue? It seems the lady was perfectly capable of answering me herself and if I had offended her, that's for her to correct me, not yours. | |||
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"Great to have these conversations/dialogues and expressions about personal experiences good and bad,consent, preferences and fantasies. We can learn alot from each other. On this one I LOVE it. Its a bit of a fetish of mine being woken up aroused and sleepy .. My body is soft and the first sensations after sleep are magical. But this is always discussed and with an intimate partner. I think I would feel differently if it was a presumption by a new or recent partner..unless we had good and brilliant chemistry and understanding. Its a blurry line. These things are sometimes trial and error.. But that's how I feel. Someone who has experienced violation will feel very differently. That's why we need open discussions, clarity, dialogue and boundaries. Fantasies become the best reality when we can meet each other heart first. X " That is very well put indeed. | |||
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"I'm sure people wouldn't be batting an eyelid if it was a woman posing that she wants to wake her partner up with a BJ. Something I've read many times on here and it hasn't sparked this debate. " There is another thread about her waking him up with a bj, everybody praised the ladies for doing that. Double standards, as usual. | |||
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"Great to have these conversations/dialogues and expressions about personal experiences good and bad,consent, preferences and fantasies. We can learn alot from each other. On this one I LOVE it. Its a bit of a fetish of mine being woken up aroused and sleepy .. My body is soft and the first sensations after sleep are magical. But this is always discussed and with an intimate partner. I think I would feel differently if it was a presumption by a new or recent partner..unless we had good and brilliant chemistry and understanding. Its a blurry line. These things are sometimes trial and error.. But that's how I feel. Someone who has experienced violation will feel very differently. That's why we need open discussions, clarity, dialogue and boundaries. Fantasies become the best reality when we can meet each other heart first. X " Beautiful words as always Freya | |||
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"OF-COURSE WITH HER CONSENT.. or maybe has a couple the male could watch.." Wow it's still up this thread... Bravo | |||
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"One of my fantasies is for her to creep downstairs while I’m sleeping and bake me a cake " Now you are being ridiculous as if that's going to happen come on get real. | |||
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