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Single parents

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By *EAT..85 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

One for the single parents, or people that have single parented in the past. Guys and gals, thoughts please. I realise every care set up will be different.

Do you find it easier or harder bringing your children up single or as part of a couple?

I love being a single parent, there are no arguments over parenting methods, I know that I only have myself to plan around and rely on, I don't need to please another, I just do my best by my children. The finances, plans and holidays are all in my control.

I'm lucky in that I get two free weekends a month when they go to their Dads.

The downsides I guess are that I do EVERYTHING, it can get lonely on holidays and in the evenings. There's no one else here if I want to go and do something solo. I feel they never get any quality one to one time with me as there are 2 of them and only one of me. My boy adores the few men in his life and I feel is definately missing a more steady male role model.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One for the single parents, or people that have single parented in the past. Guys and gals, thoughts please. I realise every care set up will be different.

Do you find it easier or harder bringing your children up single or as part of a couple?

I love being a single parent, there are no arguments over parenting methods, I know that I only have myself to plan around and rely on, I don't need to please another, I just do my best by my children. The finances, plans and holidays are all in my control.

I'm lucky in that I get two free weekends a month when they go to their Dads.

The downsides I guess are that I do EVERYTHING, it can get lonely on holidays and in the evenings. There's no one else here if I want to go and do something solo. I feel they never get any quality one to one time with me as there are 2 of them and only one of me. My boy adores the few men in his life and I feel is definately missing a more steady male role model. "

As a Co parent on the other side (kids live with my ex) speaking only about the parenting aspect I find it more frustrating as you say there are no arguments over parenting methods but that tends to mean it's my partners way with no input at all from. I have rules to follow but it's OK for the ex to break them but and it's expected to be OK. As for planning things I find it harder as I personally never get told anything until the last minute and am expected to drop everything so they can do what they want or I get the they are your kids to speech.

Im not saying that's e eryone just my own personal experience and perhaps a different perspective to look at.

Anyways sorry if that sounded negative at all totally not my intention as I'm on this site for positive vibes only.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex husband is a good dad. But there is no doubt that I carry most of the mental load. He isn’t really involved in the nitty gritty of their lives.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

.


"One for the single parents, or people that have single parented in the past. Guys and gals, thoughts please. I realise every care set up will be different.

Do you find it easier or harder bringing your children up single or as part of a couple?

I love being a single parent, there are no arguments over parenting methods, I know that I only have myself to plan around and rely on, I don't need to please another, I just do my best by my children. The finances, plans and holidays are all in my control.

I'm lucky in that I get two free weekends a month when they go to their Dads.

The downsides I guess are that I do EVERYTHING, it can get lonely on holidays and in the evenings. There's no one else here if I want to go and do something solo. I feel they never get any quality one to one time with me as there are 2 of them and only one of me. My boy adores the few men in his life and I feel is definately missing a more steady male role model. "

My situation is a little different with being widowed.

Im a double parent, and it’s bloody hard going.

I love my kids more than life itself, but yes the financial aspect, and the fact everything is down to me can be overwhelming at times.

I see how much my children miss their dad and the fact they’ve grown up without him.

I can’t find a word that describes the loneliness tbh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex chooses to have v little involvement. He has them EOW and gets involved minimally!

Our youngest had an a emergency op today that required me to be present in a&e from. 5pm last night.. through to 6pm this evening. He popped by for all of 10mins.

So yes I have autonomy but I have no practical support. But I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Us single parents rock.. plays havoc with sex life whilst the ex has 12 days out of 14 to live it up but I still wouldn’t change it!!!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

So much of what you wrote resonates with me and I could have wrote it myself.

The ex isn’t a role model more a house he visits every other weekend to sleep and eat. His role models are his grandfathers, some of his male teachers and he seems to latch on to my male (non sexual) friends when we meet up and well me. I find it quite sad that he doesn’t approach his dad on certain topics and when suggested I get ‘why, he won’t talk about it, but you will and if don’t know you’ll try to find an answer’.

Is he missing a full time male role model, possibly, but I’m not likely to put one into my home for him.

It’s tough OP but all we can do is the best for them with what we have, I find it easier as a single than I ever did in a couple, there is no mixed messages for one and things are clear for him. Solo time is very limited, I’ve got used to the quiet time once he’s gone to bed or on holiday, but it won’t always be that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One for the single parents, or people that have single parented in the past. Guys and gals, thoughts please. I realise every care set up will be different.

Do you find it easier or harder bringing your children up single or as part of a couple?

I love being a single parent, there are no arguments over parenting methods, I know that I only have myself to plan around and rely on, I don't need to please another, I just do my best by my children. The finances, plans and holidays are all in my control.

I'm lucky in that I get two free weekends a month when they go to their Dads.

The downsides I guess are that I do EVERYTHING, it can get lonely on holidays and in the evenings. There's no one else here if I want to go and do something solo. I feel they never get any quality one to one time with me as there are 2 of them and only one of me. My boy adores the few men in his life and I feel is definately missing a more steady male role model.

My situation is a little different with being widowed.

Im a double parent, and it’s bloody hard going.

I love my kids more than life itself, but yes the financial aspect, and the fact everything is down to me can be overwhelming at times.

I see how much my children miss their dad and the fact they’ve grown up without him.

I can’t find a word that describes the loneliness tbh. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a lone patent. Before we separated we’d agreed to co-parent with children living between us both. Children were happy and accepted this. However he has nothing to do with them. He’s missed so. I have and my children have suffered because of his selfishness.

It’s hard I have virtually no support but I’ve managed to pull everything together and they don’t go without.

We talk alot and yes at times it’s lonely. But as a parent they know exactly what’s what and they know they can come to me with anything. Sometimes it would be nice to share some burdens…. But that’s what family friends are for.

I wouldn’t change where we are…. They know all involved in their lives are here because they want to be. It’s knackering though

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By *emma HoldenTV/TS
over a year ago

Ramsey

Unusually perhaps I have my kids more than my ex wife while she's off living her best life with Mr Flash Twat in his posh car.

It's very hard on one wage. I managed to keep the house & claim no support. I work long hours to survive. They eat like there no tomorrow & I have to nag them like hell to help me with little jobs.

They are great kids & stay out of trouble. I can't cook but am a demon following instructions on packets lol. They are both pretty good to eat fruit & veg.

Despite this I'm often lonely like when they're in their rooms at night on their phones. You know what kids are like these days. I'd like someone for me, but I'm still hurt & lacking trust after what was done to me in the break up. The other blokes, the secret credit card debt & all the other lies are gonna make trusting somebody new all the harder for me. I've survived all the lockdowns intact & I'm still here. I'm proud of what I've achieved but still get very low. But nobody to sound stuff off, no hugs & getting into & waking up in a big empty bed are hard going at times.

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By *uscle88Man
over a year ago

Potters Bar

I cannot understand how a man can’t fight for his kids. I spent 3 years fighting for my son against his vile mother who thought she could play god and not let me see him, it’s cost me thousands in court processes and whilst I despise his mother I made sure £250 a week was in her account every week for maintenance even though she was not letting me see him time and time again. My world my boy, being a single parent is hard enough but when your a good father who’s never neglected his duty’s from day one it’s even harder

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so this thread has resonated.

I’m a co-parent. Whatever that means - 50/50.

I fought and fight for my boy and the relationship I have, and that his mum has with him.

But it’s a difficult one to respond to as i know everyone’s situation is entirely different. So please take this in relation to .*you*, your friends and the people less fortunate than me.

But here’s my take:

First of all - yes I co-parent. 50/50- I actually insisted on it. It’s not easy. I have to admit sometimes I find there are times I wish I’d taken the ‘every other weekend/ Funtime dad’ role. (and that is in no way a dig at anyone. I know and sympathise everyone else’s situation is their’s and their’s alone - not always a choice) but generally my balance works.

I love being the father role. Believe me if my son grows up the way I have brought him up to be , then my job is more than fulfilled. But there are times…. Times it feels all consuming, and I long for the freedom of none of the above. To be free of parental responsibility.

So onto me and my relationship with the above; Well in all honesty I wouldn’t really change a thing. I have met wonderful people who both accept this and actually relate and embrace it. My boy comes first. He is amazing. But I like to think so am I. Big headed - maybe. But to be a dad regardless of what came before is just that - to be a dad. But to be more than that to someone else also fills me up.

Both myself and his mum (my ex) understand there are times when we need to adjust the balance to allow each other the freedom to be who we are as well as shift the balance to support him. Yes he will always come first but the ability to give ourselves the opportunity to pursue our own personal needs is important. We try to accommodate by swapping and shifting duties around being parents. Not always easy and not always 100% amicable. And achievable. But we try.

That said, I do feel, understand and appreciate the fact that others are in the same, better,

or most often than not, a worse situation than mine. And the need to address the ‘urge’- as it were - And find, if possible- (I know sometimes not) a way of balancing this, is completely natural and imperative. This is so, SO important it’s worth the difficult conversations.

Anyway I reckon, reading that back, I am in the minority of lucky ones - but believe It or not FAB has allowed ME to understand this more than I thought I could have. It also allows me to understand the ones on here who get it, understand it are here too. And *they* are the ones with pursuing.

That is all…

Ranty Mc Rant Pants

X

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham


"One for the single parents, or people that have single parented in the past. Guys and gals, thoughts please. I realise every care set up will be different.

Do you find it easier or harder bringing your children up single or as part of a couple?

I love being a single parent, there are no arguments over parenting methods, I know that I only have myself to plan around and rely on, I don't need to please another, I just do my best by my children. The finances, plans and holidays are all in my control.

I'm lucky in that I get two free weekends a month when they go to their Dads.

The downsides I guess are that I do EVERYTHING, it can get lonely on holidays and in the evenings. There's no one else here if I want to go and do something solo. I feel they never get any quality one to one time with me as there are 2 of them and only one of me. My boy adores the few men in his life and I feel is definately missing a more steady male role model.

My situation is a little different with being widowed.

Im a double parent, and it’s bloody hard going.

I love my kids more than life itself, but yes the financial aspect, and the fact everything is down to me can be overwhelming at times.

I see how much my children miss their dad and the fact they’ve grown up without him.

I can’t find a word that describes the loneliness tbh. "
.

*Hugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One for the single parents, or people that have single parented in the past. Guys and gals, thoughts please. I realise every care set up will be different.

Do you find it easier or harder bringing your children up single or as part of a couple?

I love being a single parent, there are no arguments over parenting methods, I know that I only have myself to plan around and rely on, I don't need to please another, I just do my best by my children. The finances, plans and holidays are all in my control.

I'm lucky in that I get two free weekends a month when they go to their Dads.

The downsides I guess are that I do EVERYTHING, it can get lonely on holidays and in the evenings. There's no one else here if I want to go and do something solo. I feel they never get any quality one to one time with me as there are 2 of them and only one of me. My boy adores the few men in his life and I feel is definately missing a more steady male role model. "

Any child brought up with a single parent will lack the balance of the feminine energy, and masculine enegry, its what grounds us, In most cases other wise we de-rail, (just a theory)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex husband is a good dad. But there is no doubt that I carry most of the mental load. He isn’t really involved in the nitty gritty of their lives."

The woman will always carry a heavier burden then the farther.

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By *urAlterEgosCouple
over a year ago

Barnsley


"My ex husband is a good dad. But there is no doubt that I carry most of the mental load. He isn’t really involved in the nitty gritty of their lives.

The woman will always carry a heavier burden then the farther. "

Absolute bullshit! For some maybe, but this is such a generalisation and says a lot about you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex husband is a good dad. But there is no doubt that I carry most of the mental load. He isn’t really involved in the nitty gritty of their lives.

The woman will always carry a heavier burden then the farther. "

You have much to learn, young man.

It isn't the case by any means. In my small circle of acquaintances, of the very few divorced, it is mostly the fathers who do more of the work, especially when it comes to the children's school matters and activities, which is a large part of the child's life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a single parent now, it’s much easier as I don’t have my ex going behind my back and undermining everything I do and say.

Yes it’s hard being solely responsible for everything, but I already was in so many ways. He has nothing to do with them and legally can’t, so yes they miss the dad they thought they had. But they also know that things he did harmed them and that couldn’t be allowed to carry on. It’s especially hard as my 2 sons are disabled so most of the caring role falls on me, with my daughter as support.

They get on well with my partner, but not sure any of us would want him here full time. Yes it can be lonely, and my mental health suffers at time, but I wouldn’t go back to being married x

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By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth


"One for the single parents, or people that have single parented in the past. Guys and gals, thoughts please. I realise every care set up will be different.

Do you find it easier or harder bringing your children up single or as part of a couple?

I love being a single parent, there are no arguments over parenting methods, I know that I only have myself to plan around and rely on, I don't need to please another, I just do my best by my children. The finances, plans and holidays are all in my control.

I'm lucky in that I get two free weekends a month when they go to their Dads.

The downsides I guess are that I do EVERYTHING, it can get lonely on holidays and in the evenings. There's no one else here if I want to go and do something solo. I feel they never get any quality one to one time with me as there are 2 of them and only one of me. My boy adores the few men in his life and I feel is definately missing a more steady male role model.

My situation is a little different with being widowed.

Im a double parent, and it’s bloody hard going.

I love my kids more than life itself, but yes the financial aspect, and the fact everything is down to me can be overwhelming at times.

I see how much my children miss their dad and the fact they’ve grown up without him.

I can’t find a word that describes the loneliness tbh. "

My wife died in 2005. My youngest of 9 children was inky 7 at the time so I can relate to your comments

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"

My situation is a little different with being widowed.

Im a double parent, and it’s bloody hard going.

I love my kids more than life itself, but yes the financial aspect, and the fact everything is down to me can be overwhelming at times.

I see how much my children miss their dad and the fact they’ve grown up without him.

I can’t find a word that describes the loneliness tbh. "

I know exactly how you feel. I am a widow too with four children. I miss having someone to discuss major decisions with. It is a big responsibility to make them on your own. When my children say they miss their dad I remind them that he didn't want to leave them and it would have been worse if he had preferred another woman over them and chosen to live with her.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I've read in the past that studies have consistently shown that children who grow up in a dual parent household are happier, healthier and tend to do better in school and onward in their professional life. They also have less incidences of depression and mental health issues.

Boys particularly have it rough as they're deprived of a male role model that is ever present (as most custodies go to mother). Even if the father is caring and involved it is not the same as actually living with them daily. I know this too well from my own experience with my son.

I know that most single parents do the best they can, but in truth a good mono parent household is never as good as a stable nuclear family

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unusually perhaps I have my kids more than my ex wife while she's off living her best life with Mr Flash Twat in his posh car.

It's very hard on one wage. I managed to keep the house & claim no support. I work long hours to survive. They eat like there no tomorrow & I have to nag them like hell to help me with little jobs.

They are great kids & stay out of trouble. I can't cook but am a demon following instructions on packets lol. They are both pretty good to eat fruit & veg.

Despite this I'm often lonely like when they're in their rooms at night on their phones. You know what kids are like these days. I'd like someone for me, but I'm still hurt & lacking trust after what was done to me in the break up. The other blokes, the secret credit card debt & all the other lies are gonna make trusting somebody new all the harder for me. I've survived all the lockdowns intact & I'm still here. I'm proud of what I've achieved but still get very low. But nobody to sound stuff off, no hugs & getting into & waking up in a big empty bed are hard going at times. "

Sounds like you are doing a great job. Hang in there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single parent it was hard but so worth it, would not change it for the world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m a single parent now, it’s much easier as I don’t have my ex going behind my back and undermining everything I do and say.

Yes it’s hard being solely responsible for everything, but I already was in so many ways. He has nothing to do with them and legally can’t, so yes they miss the dad they thought they had. But they also know that things he did harmed them and that couldn’t be allowed to carry on. It’s especially hard as my 2 sons are disabled so most of the caring role falls on me, with my daughter as support.

They get on well with my partner, but not sure any of us would want him here full time. Yes it can be lonely, and my mental health suffers at time, but I wouldn’t go back to being married x "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I brought my daughter up single from when she was 8 weeks old.

It’s been extremely hard at times but we have a great relationship.

Her dad was sporadic when it came to access when he met his now ex partner so for many years my daughter didn’t see him.

He didn’t come to any parents evenings or sports day even though I invited him every time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've read in the past that studies have consistently shown that children who grow up in a dual parent household are happier, healthier and tend to do better in school and onward in their professional life. They also have less incidences of depression and mental health issues.

Boys particularly have it rough as they're deprived of a male role model that is ever present (as most custodies go to mother). Even if the father is caring and involved it is not the same as actually living with them daily. I know this too well from my own experience with my son.

I know that most single parents do the best they can, but in truth a good mono parent household is never as good as a stable nuclear family "

They do indeed I think the key with the study’s however are the stable family home. Those who grow up in an unstable household have just as many difficulties if not more than those in single parent households. The ACE study has been rather interesting reading though nothing surprising in the outcomes.

My children have gone through hard times in recent months with their father refusing to see them, however even they say and are in themselves happier, more settled, there’s no atmosphere at home…it is now a safe place and sanctuary for them.

They are doing better in school and I’m so lucky that they talk to me when they are upset or have the days where they struggle. This for me tells me they are despite being in a single parent household far far better off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been a single parent for 21 years. Despite the fact I was married for 9 of them. He was never hands on or interested in me or mmy 3 boys.

I moved back to Scotland when we got divorced 13 years ago. He's had practically no contact in that time (despite my best efforts to help him to maintain a relationship with my boys)

And that's the thing, they are my boys, I've raised them alone and they are now epic young men with so much compassion, courage and the biggest hearts. I'm very very proud of them and actually of me too.

People have said to me many times over the years that it must be hard. And yes of course sometimes it is and when you I look back over the years I realise it was but, I've just got on with it because I've had to.

I've carried years of guilt for ending my marriage, for choosing a man like him to procreate with and for the fact my boys only have me. However, I try really hard not to anymore becauce we have been fine and we have such a close relationship in our wee family of 4. The respect I have for my sons and that they have for me and each other makes me so lucky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how children of same sex couples cope without having a 'different sex from their parents' role model.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wonder how children of same sex couples cope without having a 'different sex from their parents' role model. "

I honestly think the biggest impact is the environment they are raised in.. a loving nurturing environment. Somewhere children feel safe to express themselves be heard and learn about the world, relationships and life!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wonder how children of same sex couples cope without having a 'different sex from their parents' role model.

I honestly think the biggest impact is the environment they are raised in.. a loving nurturing environment. Somewhere children feel safe to express themselves be heard and learn about the world, relationships and life!"

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife left me for her mates husband, leaving me with 3 boys that were 14, 12 & 9, I was very lucky to have a understanding boss , it’s been very hard but they are all in their 30s now and all doing really well and I have 10 grandchildren, for five years my sex life was in the shower every morning getting rid of my morning glory,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One for the single parents, or people that have single parented in the past. Guys and gals, thoughts please. I realise every care set up will be different.

Do you find it easier or harder bringing your children up single or as part of a couple?

I love being a single parent, there are no arguments over parenting methods, I know that I only have myself to plan around and rely on, I don't need to please another, I just do my best by my children. The finances, plans and holidays are all in my control.

I'm lucky in that I get two free weekends a month when they go to their Dads.

The downsides I guess are that I do EVERYTHING, it can get lonely on holidays and in the evenings. There's no one else here if I want to go and do something solo. I feel they never get any quality one to one time with me as there are 2 of them and only one of me. My boy adores the few men in his life and I feel is definately missing a more steady male role model.

My situation is a little different with being widowed.

Im a double parent, and it’s bloody hard going.

I love my kids more than life itself, but yes the financial aspect, and the fact everything is down to me can be overwhelming at times.

I see how much my children miss their dad and the fact they’ve grown up without him.

I can’t find a word that describes the loneliness tbh. "

I can only imagine how hard that is. You're doing an amazing job.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is a hard read.

I have four teens. 3 with aspergers. Only one will still stay with their dad. He chose his new wife and her kids tbh over his own. Once a week texts them. He can only email me after his emotional abuse got too much.

Once I accepted I wasn't co-parenting its been better. Covid brought my unit closer together. I just keep trying to do them justice.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I must admit that reading this thread has been both heartening and saddening at the same time.

I left my marriage as a result of emotional abuse, I walked out with just the clothes I wore and no where to go. To this day I regret not taking my kids as it’s been a fight everyday since.

I see them as much as I possibly can/could, that’s most weekends and odd evenings during the week, working towards 50/50, but this year and my current situation has distanced me from that.

I miss my kids, I miss feeling like a parent by having them for extended periods, I hate not being present in their lives right now.

I know that my ex is a good mum to them, that her fiancé is a good mum to them too but that’s scant comfort when I need them as much as they need me. It’s hard not to feel guilty and that I’m failing them by not being there, even though circumstances are out of my control and I’m doing everything that I can to be there.

I guess my point is that it’s angering to hear about so many guys that have the chance to be in their children’s lives but are there for one or two nights in fourteen, when I want to be in mine but can’t.

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By *ikAshCouple
over a year ago

London

I am solo parenting, and have done so for 6 years now… my ex is abroad, and apart from an occasional phone call, is not interested. It’s been tough, the first year was the hardest, my daughter was distraught and couldn’t understand why her dad wasn’t with us anymore, and I was trying to make life ok for her, whilst dealing with the end of my marriage. But hey, 6 years later and life is so much better. My amazing friends stepped up and took turns in taking care of my daughter, so I could have a social life, and be me, not just a mum. I joined various dating sites, and have been on lots of dates, some better than others. Have met some wonderful men and some not so, but did eventually find my soulmate after kissing lots of frogs. We embarked on this swinging journey 6 months ago, which has been incredible for me. I love being a mum, but I also enjoy my work and have other passions. I am trying to be a great role model for my daughter… I want her to grow up as a strong, independent lady. As for my ex, I send him regular updates on our daughter, to remind him she’s here, so he’ll stay in touch with her. I’ve never said a bad word about him to her, and never will, because whatever has happened between us, he is still my daughters father.

Life can be so tough and lonely for single parents… but keep going, and know you are doing an incredible job xxx

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"I've read in the past that studies have consistently shown that children who grow up in a dual parent household are happier, healthier and tend to do better in school and onward in their professional life. They also have less incidences of depression and mental health issues.

Boys particularly have it rough as they're deprived of a male role model that is ever present (as most custodies go to mother). Even if the father is caring and involved it is not the same as actually living with them daily. I know this too well from my own experience with my son.

I know that most single parents do the best they can, but in truth a good mono parent household is never as good as a stable nuclear family "

Maybe not but a happy stable household is better than an unhappy, unstable household. No matter how much you think you hide things well from your children, they pick up on so much. The final push and deciding factor for me to leave, was asking my 6 year old what he’d like to get his dad for Christmas, without taking a breath he responded ‘a house to live in on his own’

Most people don’t set out to be a SP, but sometimes you need to do what is right for them and ultimately yourself. My ex has all the access he can wish for, he chooses not to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've read in the past that studies have consistently shown that children who grow up in a dual parent household are happier, healthier and tend to do better in school and onward in their professional life. They also have less incidences of depression and mental health issues.

Boys particularly have it rough as they're deprived of a male role model that is ever present (as most custodies go to mother). Even if the father is caring and involved it is not the same as actually living with them daily. I know this too well from my own experience with my son.

I know that most single parents do the best they can, but in truth a good mono parent household is never as good as a stable nuclear family "

I think that might be the case for some but certainly not for mine. My boys have most definitely thrived without the negative influence their dad would have been.

They may not have any men in their lives (I lost my dad 10 years ago) however they haven't lost out as a result of that

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham

I have single patented from my son being 11 years old , had to make some big changes in my life to allow me the time to be as good a parent as I can be .

It’s the most rewarding job I can imagine even though at times it can be the toughest job too , I haven’t had the luxury of weekends off as it’s just been me and him throughout . He’s 22 now and we are best mates and that makes me really happy

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I've read in the past that studies have consistently shown that children who grow up in a dual parent household are happier, healthier and tend to do better in school and onward in their professional life. They also have less incidences of depression and mental health issues.

Boys particularly have it rough as they're deprived of a male role model that is ever present (as most custodies go to mother). Even if the father is caring and involved it is not the same as actually living with them daily. I know this too well from my own experience with my son.

I know that most single parents do the best they can, but in truth a good mono parent household is never as good as a stable nuclear family

Maybe not but a happy stable household is better than an unhappy, unstable household. No matter how much you think you hide things well from your children, they pick up on so much. The final push and deciding factor for me to leave, was asking my 6 year old what he’d like to get his dad for Christmas, without taking a breath he responded ‘a house to live in on his own’

Most people don’t set out to be a SP, but sometimes you need to do what is right for them and ultimately yourself. My ex has all the access he can wish for, he chooses not to"

I tend to agree.

I thought that staying together for the kids was the best thing for them, it wasn’t. All you’re doing is teaching them that a relationship is miserable.

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By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth


"I have single patented from my son being 11 years old , had to make some big changes in my life to allow me the time to be as good a parent as I can be .

It’s the most rewarding job I can imagine even though at times it can be the toughest job too , I haven’t had the luxury of weekends off as it’s just been me and him throughout . He’s 22 now and we are best mates and that makes me really happy "

Single parent of 9 children since 2005. Youngest is now 24. It's nice to hear of single dads doing a good job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I thought that staying together for the kids was the best thing for them, it wasn’t. All you’re doing is teaching them that a relationship is miserable.

"

This is a large part of why I stayed so long. Not wanting to be a statistic…everyone else seemed happy…seemed is very important. It’s often behaviours and things said after the separation. The children saw and understood so much. In conversations has since all have said they are glad (despite missing their father) that I left.

They may not hear the words. But children are far more aware than many realise. Knowing that I was teaching them that this is how things are..the way relationships work and the likelihood is that they would as adult emulate such relationships was the push I needed to walk. It wasn’t and still isn’t easy…it’s hard in a different way…but better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is making me well up

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"I thought that staying together for the kids was the best thing for them, it wasn’t. All you’re doing is teaching them that a relationship is miserable"

My parents did this until I was 17. And it messed with my head completely, the constant arguments, bickering, tension and witnessing silent treatment was unnerving as a teenager. The best thing my parents ever did was split up and then see them being happy. Nobody out of choice wants to see the people they love unhappy and that includes the children.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Being a single parent of nine must have been difficult.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Was having this convo yesterday.

I've had my son 99% of the time growing up. Gets on great with his dad and step family but we never did the shared care.

My friend has joint custody of her daughter.

I get to set all the rules, there's no playing people off against each other, home life is very settled, there's a routine and it's done him very well.

My friends daughter struggles, coming and going, different values in each home, 2 sets of clothes, pets, family etc etc. And she's only 8... It's alot for them to deal with

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"I've read in the past that studies have consistently shown that children who grow up in a dual parent household are happier, healthier and tend to do better in school and onward in their professional life. They also have less incidences of depression and mental health issues.

Boys particularly have it rough as they're deprived of a male role model that is ever present (as most custodies go to mother). Even if the father is caring and involved it is not the same as actually living with them daily. I know this too well from my own experience with my son.

I know that most single parents do the best they can, but in truth a good mono parent household is never as good as a stable nuclear family

Maybe not but a happy stable household is better than an unhappy, unstable household. No matter how much you think you hide things well from your children, they pick up on so much. The final push and deciding factor for me to leave, was asking my 6 year old what he’d like to get his dad for Christmas, without taking a breath he responded ‘a house to live in on his own’

Most people don’t set out to be a SP, but sometimes you need to do what is right for them and ultimately yourself. My ex has all the access he can wish for, he chooses not to"

Oh I certainly agree. A happy stable household, even if monoparental is far preferable to a dual parent one where the environment is bad / toxic. Even if both parents try not to make it obvious, children are astute and pick up on so much more than people think...and this does affect them greatly; personality and behaviour wise.

I'll be the first to advocate breaking from a bad environment is more beneficial for a child's well being in the long run.

I will still say a happy dual parent household is far better than a mono parent one for a child's growth and maturity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if the kids want to live with the abusive parent.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

I’ve read a lot of the other posts -but not all of them.

My ex isn’t a monster by any means but he’s not a great dad either. I think he had children because it was expected of him as the ‘next step’ after the career and the nice house rather than any desire to be a parent.

We ambled along with a few hiccups (he went apeshit when he found out I was on here and threatened to stop maintenance) since we split up 9 years ago - during which the maintenance has never increased so our standard of living has steadily declined. He did, however, relatively diligently have the kids 1 night a week and every other weekend.

At the onset of lockdown 1 last March he just suddenly stopped having them. They weren’t overly bothered and he certainly wasn’t. He also blamed the lack of contact on them not contacting him - even though he’s the adult.

He’s probably seen them about half a dozen times (but no weekend stopovers now) since last March - other than them visiting him in his house in Spain for a week this summer (he and his partner were there for 3 months).

He tried to reduce the maintenance around a month ago but fortunately didn’t pursue it when I explained how little we have and that it would hugely impact his kids.

On the plus side he helped my son buy his first car recently (he paid half and lent him half) - which my son is thrilled about.

Do I find it hard? Hell yes as my daughter has mental health issues and I’m always scared that I’m not ‘doing it right’!

However - whereas their father will never (because he doesn’t seem to want to be) be a big part of my kids lives - I’ll always be there in the centre (as I still am with my adult daughter) - and that’s priceless.

Luckily I adore being a mum - I couldn’t imagine being anything else.

I think a lot of parents (male and female) are on fab because we can find people who are significant to us (or just casual friends) without them ever impacting on our kids lives.

When my ex found out about fab and went mad - I pointed out that the kids had never had a series of ‘uncles’ and that they’d never seen a strange guy in mums bed (or any guy for that matter).

On fab we respect the privacy of people’s personal/family lives and don’t ‘expect’ to be invited into them any time soon - that’s the huge difference between fab and dating sites - and why it works for so many of us.

Apologies for the essay!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been a single parent for 21 years. Despite the fact I was married for 9 of them. He was never hands on or interested in me or mmy 3 boys.

I moved back to Scotland when we got divorced 13 years ago. He's had practically no contact in that time (despite my best efforts to help him to maintain a relationship with my boys)

And that's the thing, they are my boys, I've raised them alone and they are now epic young men with so much compassion, courage and the biggest hearts. I'm very very proud of them and actually of me too.

People have said to me many times over the years that it must be hard. And yes of course sometimes it is and when you I look back over the years I realise it was but, I've just got on with it because I've had to.

I've carried years of guilt for ending my marriage, for choosing a man like him to procreate with and for the fact my boys only have me. However, I try really hard not to anymore becauce we have been fine and we have such a close relationship in our wee family of 4. The respect I have for my sons and that they have for me and each other makes me so lucky.

"

You should never feel guilty for leaving a marriage that doesn't work its far better for kids to grow up in a single parent household than a toxic one.

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I’m a sole parent to two. It can be tough at time’s especially working, school, looking after a house etc. But it’s getting easier as they get older. I like that I’m in control of all aspects, care, finances and I don’t have to worry about any of it or rely on no one but myself.

The only downside is having little free time for myself. I get 1/2 nights a month free when family will have them and I’m grateful for that. Xx

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"

I know that most single parents do the best they can, but in truth a good mono parent household is never as good as a stable nuclear family

"

I have to disagree. My children are happy, they have a stable parent, that is happy and gives them everything they want and need and puts them first. There is no arguing or upset. We have a good routine and an amazing set of friends and family.

My ex unfortunately turned to drinking and substances and nothing else mattered to him. He was abusive, manipulative, lied, cheated, would disappear for days on end, lied about been paid so I was the only one earning, stole things from us.

My only regret is not leaving sooner. Yes it can be very lonely at times been on your own. But I don’t have to lay in bed at night wondering where my partner is, or what he’s doing, when is he going to come home, worrying about money etc.

Life is good

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By *urvy pawgWoman
over a year ago

north


"I’m a sole parent to two. It can be tough at time’s especially working, school, looking after a house etc. But it’s getting easier as they get older. I like that I’m in control of all aspects, care, finances and I don’t have to worry about any of it or rely on no one but myself.

The only downside is having little free time for myself. I get 1/2 nights a month free when family will have them and I’m grateful for that. Xx"

Exactly the same for me and just means you make the most of the times you do get to enjoy yourself but can be tough at times too

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By *uck-RogersMan
over a year ago

Tarka trail

A big hug for all those like myself, who survived the rejection and loneliness.

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By *anae21Woman
over a year ago

Nearer than you think

I've been a single parent for 14 years. Whilst I agree that a nuclear family with two parents is preferable, my children and I agree that ending my marriage was the best thing to do.

A safe, non-violent home with one parent is so much better than a toxic one with two.

I'm proud of my children. They still see their dad, but with an objectivity that maturity has given them.

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By *EAT..85 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

Thank you for everyone's input. I've read every post and can see so many strong people, even if they don't realise it themselves

One thing that repeats through the thread (and for me as well) is that many stick it out in unhappy relationships longer than they should. Friends kept telling me to leave but it was so damn scary to do, and surely 2 parents must be better than one. Once I had finally left I was so annoyed at myself for leaving it so long. But you can only come to that decision in your own time.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"Thank you for everyone's input. I've read every post and can see so many strong people, even if they don't realise it themselves

One thing that repeats through the thread (and for me as well) is that many stick it out in unhappy relationships longer than they should. Friends kept telling me to leave but it was so damn scary to do, and surely 2 parents must be better than one. Once I had finally left I was so annoyed at myself for leaving it so long. But you can only come to that decision in your own time.

"

Oh so true, no matter what others say only you can take that step when it feels right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for everyone's input. I've read every post and can see so many strong people, even if they don't realise it themselves

One thing that repeats through the thread (and for me as well) is that many stick it out in unhappy relationships longer than they should. Friends kept telling me to leave but it was so damn scary to do, and surely 2 parents must be better than one. Once I had finally left I was so annoyed at myself for leaving it so long. But you can only come to that decision in your own time.

"

I was the same, but now I see how much happier I am, and that reflects in our home life, and they are much happier too.

Children know what’s going on, they pick up energies and atmospheres

Leaning that toxic man was the scariest and best decision I ever made.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for everyone's input. I've read every post and can see so many strong people, even if they don't realise it themselves

One thing that repeats through the thread (and for me as well) is that many stick it out in unhappy relationships longer than they should. Friends kept telling me to leave but it was so damn scary to do, and surely 2 parents must be better than one. Once I had finally left I was so annoyed at myself for leaving it so long. But you can only come to that decision in your own time.

I was the same, but now I see how much happier I am, and that reflects in our home life, and they are much happier too.

Children know what’s going on, they pick up energies and atmospheres

Leaning that toxic man was the scariest and best decision I ever made."

*LEAVING!

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By *evil-AngelWoman
over a year ago

...

My ex is very involved with our kids in terms of the time he puts in, and they idolise him. We do have very different parenting styles though which I struggle with sometimes.

He wants to be their friend, I don't think that's my role just yet (they are 8 and 10). I think the friendship bit comes when they are well adjusted, happy adults and it's our responsibility to guide them to that stage.

This means I'm the one with rules, consequences and boring times like homework whereas they can do anything at their dads.

I'm waiting for the day when it all pays off and I can look back and know it was all worth it but some days that feels further away than others.

I've painted a bleak picture there which isn't always true, I have a lot of fun with my kids and make an effort to go to and do exciting things and places. But it's always at the back of the kind that I'm the strict one of the two of us and that's a hard place to be on your own.

If we were still together, our parenting styles would still be different but we would have each other to talk things through with and support each other when we doubt ourselves.

We aren't in a place to do that yet and by the time we are the kids will probably have grown

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex is very involved with our kids in terms of the time he puts in, and they idolise him. We do have very different parenting styles though which I struggle with sometimes.

He wants to be their friend, I don't think that's my role just yet (they are 8 and 10). I think the friendship bit comes when they are well adjusted, happy adults and it's our responsibility to guide them to that stage.

This means I'm the one with rules, consequences and boring times like homework whereas they can do anything at their dads.

I'm waiting for the day when it all pays off and I can look back and know it was all worth it but some days that feels further away than others.

I've painted a bleak picture there which isn't always true, I have a lot of fun with my kids and make an effort to go to and do exciting things and places. But it's always at the back of the kind that I'm the strict one of the two of us and that's a hard place to be on your own.

If we were still together, our parenting styles would still be different but we would have each other to talk things through with and support each other when we doubt ourselves.

We aren't in a place to do that yet and by the time we are the kids will probably have grown "

Being honest I've been guilty of being 'fun Dad' while my ex has to handle a lot of the stuff which needs more boundaries.

This has been a very good thread with lots to think on, thanks OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single... I did everything anyway so... Nobody to disagree with makes things much easier tbh

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