FabSwingers.com forum: Know yourself

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

It’s often said that it’s important to know yourself and understand your feelings, how you process emotions and how you ‘work’ mentally. Is that enough though?

If you know yourself and accept yourself as you are, is that all that you will be?

What are the motivations for change and development?

If you acknowledge your faults and flaws but don’t try to change them or mitigate them, are you at fault?

I realise that this is a broad topic and my OP is a bit woolly but I think that understanding ourselves is at the base of who we are and how we connect.

Thoughts folks

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I like to think that we are ever evolving internally/emotionally.

Also, to know oneself is not necessarily to like oneself which may prompt us to actively seek to actuate positive change in ourselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we think too much sometimes. Striving for something unattainable. Not happy with the now.

This is a quote from someone on here, can't remember who it was but I liked it so I saved it.

"stop drowning. pull yourself up and float for a bit."

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Depends who defines the faults & flaws.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I spent 49½ years not knowing myself and the last 7 knowing exactly who I am and what I'm capable of.

Beyond that I don't waste valuable time analysing my thoughts or actions anymore.

Whatever happens happens and not because I thought about it but because I did it.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Depends who defines the faults & flaws."

A good question.

If you recognise a flaw in yourself though, what then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think we think too much sometimes. Striving for something unattainable. Not happy with the now.

This is a quote from someone on here, can't remember who it was but I liked it so I saved it.

"stop drowning. pull yourself up and float for a bit.""

Yes. A bit of self analysis is good in moments of crisis, but those who make a full time occupation of it rarely seem to get any happier for the effort.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I think we think too much sometimes. Striving for something unattainable. Not happy with the now.

This is a quote from someone on here, can't remember who it was but I liked it so I saved it.

"stop drowning. pull yourself up and float for a bit.""

Where do you draw the line between what’s unattainable and what is helpful? What defines drowning in this sense?

It’s a nice metaphor but what does it actually mean and in what context?

Is that just an excuse to not try?

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I think we think too much sometimes. Striving for something unattainable. Not happy with the now.

This is a quote from someone on here, can't remember who it was but I liked it so I saved it.

"stop drowning. pull yourself up and float for a bit."

Yes. A bit of self analysis is good in moments of crisis, but those who make a full time occupation of it rarely seem to get any happier for the effort."

So ignorance is bliss?

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I like to think that we are ever evolving internally/emotionally.

Also, to know oneself is not necessarily to like oneself which may prompt us to actively seek to actuate positive change in ourselves.

That’s an interesting view and quite progressive

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I spent 49½ years not knowing myself and the last 7 knowing exactly who I am and what I'm capable of.

Beyond that I don't waste valuable time analysing my thoughts or actions anymore.

Whatever happens happens and not because I thought about it but because I did it. "

So you own your actions and accept yourself. Do you think that self reflection is contradictory to that?

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Depends who defines the faults & flaws.

A good question.

If you recognise a flaw in yourself though, what then? "

When my conscious brain is in charge I tell myself that flaws make me human and it's fine.

When my subconscious brain takes over I beat myself up. I have no healthy strategies for this.

Incidentally, what I see as flaws other people usually don't care about.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"I spent 49½ years not knowing myself and the last 7 knowing exactly who I am and what I'm capable of.

Beyond that I don't waste valuable time analysing my thoughts or actions anymore.

Whatever happens happens and not because I thought about it but because I did it.

So you own your actions and accept yourself. Do you think that self reflection is contradictory to that? "

I do now yes. All those years of spinning in the one spot or threading water and that was just my thought process and self analysis.

There are enormous holes in my life that I will never be able to fill so I don't try anymore because it's exhausting.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Having had lots of talking therapy I’m pretty self aware about my numerous quirks and flaws.. I’m a work in progress and probably difficult to understand. I do however, attempt to articulate the important stuff to people I’m close to so they understand my behaviour, which at times may appear to be cold or aloof. We all have flaws and it’s important to have some self awareness.. but it’s equally important to consider how they may affect others and to work on being the best person you can be.

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

"It’s often said that it’s important to know yourself and understand your feelings, how you process emotions and how you ‘work’ mentally. Is that enough though?

If you know yourself and accept yourself as you are, is that all that you will be?

What are the motivations for change and development?

If you acknowledge your faults and flaws but don’t try to change them or mitigate them, are you at fault?

I realise that this is a broad topic and my OP is a bit woolly but I think that understanding ourselves is at the base of who we are and how we connect.

Thoughts folks"

This is a lot of questions to consider so I’ll just let my answer be that I continue to grow as a person by adjusting my perspective of situations I find myself in until I feel an equilibrium in my emotional responses. If I feel myself leaning one way or another I work on those things to bring back an inner balance of my heart, mind and soul. There will always be things to fluctuate this internal balance, so I’m always a work in progress.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I know and accept myself, I grow when I want to grow and change when I want to change

Society deems my so called flaws...

Being on here is apparently a flaw according to many...

So I am who I am and that makes me happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I consider myself a work in progress. I’m aware of my so called ‘flaws’, and I know a lot of my triggers.

It’s a never ending cycle of healing, learning, growing, progressing.

We’re like onions, we can work through something, and think we’ve healed it, only for another layer to surface later.

It’s not about self love and affirmations for me, so much as messy, painful, uncomfortable emotions, delving into that sticky shadow side we all have, working on your own at times, and in partnership at times, to keep the process going.

It’s tough, but rewarding work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know me

I accept me

I like me

I'm content in me

I look up and outwards, rather than down and inwards

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I consider myself a work in progress. I’m aware of my so called ‘flaws’, and I know a lot of my triggers.

It’s a never ending cycle of healing, learning, growing, progressing.

We’re like onions, we can work through something, and think we’ve healed it, only for another layer to surface later.

It’s tough, but rewarding work

I tend to agree and view things much the same as you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think we think too much sometimes. Striving for something unattainable. Not happy with the now.

This is a quote from someone on here, can't remember who it was but I liked it so I saved it.

"stop drowning. pull yourself up and float for a bit."

Yes. A bit of self analysis is good in moments of crisis, but those who make a full time occupation of it rarely seem to get any happier for the effort."

It does seem that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think we think too much sometimes. Striving for something unattainable. Not happy with the now.

This is a quote from someone on here, can't remember who it was but I liked it so I saved it.

"stop drowning. pull yourself up and float for a bit."

Where do you draw the line between what’s unattainable and what is helpful? What defines drowning in this sense?

Depends on current circumstances and also past experiences.

It’s a nice metaphor but what does it actually mean and in what context? Drowning

Is that just an excuse to not try?

Absolutely.

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By *lofeldMan
over a year ago

Redhill

I have reached a point where, while I make mistakes, whether that be work or in my personal life, I'm comfortable because I finally realised when I was in my late 30's, that I'm actually alright!

But the big thing is, having had to deal with numerous things that life throws at you, that I can deal with downs as well as ups, and knowing you can handle adversity and not go under, gives you tremendous confidence and emotional strength.

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By *rixieMeWoman
over a year ago

Farfarfar away

Sometimes we just need to take a breath and not beat ourselves up. The past is the past, the future is unknown and the present is now. Live in the moment because you can’t change the past and the future is still to come.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes we just need to take a breath and not beat ourselves up. The past is the past, the future is unknown and the present is now. Live in the moment because you can’t change the past and the future is still to come."

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Do I know me? Well I bloody hope I do because if I don't nobody else will. Am I perfect hell no and neither am I going to be. I have some things I'm actively working on because they cause me distress. But other things I'm not perfect at I accept that's the way I am, it not hurting others so tough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also this. It’s perfectly possible to work on yourself, and be a work in progress, but also just take a break.

It’s not relentless. Just sitting and being, ir watching the world go by, that can be just as healing

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