FabSwingers.com forum: Needs

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

How good are you at saying what you want and what you need in situations?

Do you speak up or just wait and hope that they recognise things that you need?

What kind of situations do you speak up in and how does it affect your relationships or events moving forwards?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I speak up. Can’t really think of any situation where I wouldn’t x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the situation. Sometimes I just keep quiet. Other times if something needs to be said I’ll be the one to say it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just wait and hope. I don't want to be in a position to inconvenience others or get a negative response to what I need.

I recognise it's not a good thing as it only leads to resentment on my part later on that isn't their fault as they don't know. Maybe I need to find a way to communicate it well enough where I don't mind speaking up...

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I couldn’t be clearer if I tried. Doesn’t mean I get what I ask for though.

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

"How good are you at saying what you want and what you need in situations?

Do you speak up or just wait and hope that they recognise things that you need?

What kind of situations do you speak up in and how does it affect your relationships or events moving forwards?

I've gone way too long for years without speaking up.

Now I'm pretty up front and open in my communications on needs, wants and desires. It's way more fulfilling that way - for me - even if things don't go the way you'd hoped or wanted.

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By *nto the LouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

"I just wait and hope. I don't want to be in a position to inconvenience others or get a negative response to what I need.

I could have written this! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very situation depends. Sometimes I’m straight out with it, many times I don’t say what I want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Needs and wants are very different things. I'd always say what I'd like or want in a situation, that's just healthy communication. But I'd never expect anyone else to worry about my needs.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I always say, people aren't mind readers. I'm not an "it's my way or the highway" type of person, there is a difference between needs and wants. Wants can be discussed and compromises made, but if needs of any party can't be met then that's incompatibility.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think the more you are direct and speak up , the easier it gets, you see the results and find it hard to go back. I was lucky to be sent to Africa to work so had no choice. It’s different with people you care about, you have to take the long view and figure how to get what you want / need and being direct isn’t always the best way , we use a technique at work called “nudging”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the more you are direct and speak up , the easier it gets, you see the results and find it hard to go back. I was lucky to be sent to Africa to work so had no choice. It’s different with people you care about, you have to take the long view and figure how to get what you want / need and being direct isn’t always the best way , we use a technique at work called “nudging” "

Your job sounds awesome I love Africa

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames

"How good are you at saying what you want and what you need in situations?

Do you speak up or just wait and hope that they recognise things that you need?

What kind of situations do you speak up in and how does it affect your relationships or events moving forwards?

Depends. Very clear on stuff that really matters to me or is important. Happy to go with the flow in most respects though, and happy to accommodate others preferences if I’m not really too bothered

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I speak up straight away

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

Depends on the situation or if it's worth saying anything at all. Living in my head it's not always easy knowing how to say what i want or need! I'm starting to speak up and be more open about feelings etc especially with having telephone appointment chats the past year or so with the local safety net and Mind team.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

My needs aren't really something I worry about.... I'm pretty in coming forwards with them really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very verbal about what I want or need, but never expect the person to fulfill it.

I can say exactly what mood I'm in sexually and describe how it plays out in my head and put it across as I'd like it but recognise they may not not be on the same page.

I'm also good at saying things, I'm just grumpy or sulky or in a mood because, and give a reason and even say that it's stupid and say why. I can say I need time to process something and I can also say I'm feeling cuddly etc.

You kinda always know where you are with me. And if you don't, we'll you just don't listen

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By *omer47Man
over a year ago

leigh

What I want and what I need is 2 different things.if I got what I wanted I wouldn't be trying to get it on here. Needing what I want is the reason I'm on here but getting nowhere fast.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I'm guilty of expecting people to understand what I mean without saying it directly. And then when I do I'm a bit too blunt. One day I'll find the middle ground hopefully.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

It depends on the situation. I find it very difficult to ask for emotional help and equally difficult to accept help when it's offered. I went through a pretty sordid time a few years back with very little emotional support because I had no idea how to ask for it.

If it's something practical - say something isn't working for me when having sex, or I need resource at work, or I need a lift somewhere - I'm happy to ask for what I need without embarrassment.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"My needs aren't really something I worry about.... I'm pretty in coming forwards with them really

That should say backwards in coming forwards dammit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My needs aren't really something I worry about.... I'm pretty in coming forwards with them really

That should say backwards in coming forwards dammit."

You are pretty

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

In a work situation I am do say otherwise it could have dire consequences. Personally not so much, I tend to put others needs before my own x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication & honesty is key. I always speak up and prefer the same with me.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"My needs aren't really something I worry about.... I'm pretty in coming forwards with them really

That should say backwards in coming forwards dammit.

You are pretty damn stoopid

FIFY

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My needs aren't really something I worry about.... I'm pretty in coming forwards with them really

That should say backwards in coming forwards dammit.

You are pretty damn stoopid

FIFY

You so pwetty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always try to make sure that what I ‘need’ is communicated effectively and clearly.

I don’t expect to get what I ‘need’ but if you don’t ask the answer will always be no

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

I'm terrible at putting my needs across, I generally spend most of my time making sure everyone else's needs are met

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I'm pretty good and letting my needs be known and doing my best to meet the needs of partner.

The ex told me she was horny yesterday and I was honest and said the same so we're probably seeing each other later.

This will purely be a friends helping each other out situation though as we split on good terms.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I always try to make sure that what I ‘need’ is communicated effectively and clearly.

I don’t expect to get what I ‘need’ but if you don’t ask the answer will always be no"

I think that this is kind of key.

If you’re not saying anything then the answer is always going to be no.

If you don’t voice what you need then it’s expecting the other person/people to be psychic and that never goes well.

At least if you communicate your needs, then you know where you stand and can make a choice based on the reaction or compromise if needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still havnt worked out that people cant read minds or understand what heavy sighing means

I think Im probably quite good at it now though. I wasnt but I am now.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"I still havnt worked out that people cant read minds or understand what heavy sighing means

I think Im probably quite good at it now though. I wasnt but I am now.

I know what heavy sighing means because I sometimes do it and huffing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I still havnt worked out that people cant read minds or understand what heavy sighing means

I think Im probably quite good at it now though. I wasnt but I am now.

I know what heavy sighing means because I sometimes do it and huffing

The occasional foot stamp and door slam. Its all language surely

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"I still havnt worked out that people cant read minds or understand what heavy sighing means

I think Im probably quite good at it now though. I wasnt but I am now.

I know what heavy sighing means because I sometimes do it and huffing

The occasional foot stamp and door slam. Its all language surely

It screams fuck me already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a work in progress, I’m better at knowing what I need, and asking for it, but it does depend on the dynamic too.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I’m a work in progress, I’m better at knowing what I need, and asking for it, but it does depend on the dynamic too. "

Knowing what you need is definitely a key part

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no idea what I even want or need.

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Rarely, if ever. I was taught that it is rude to make demands. I was taught that diplomacy is the way. So I use subtly, intimation, body language. If the other person believes the idea is their own and suggests it, I have succeeded.

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