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"Especially if you forget its in your back pocket when you sit down ![]() What’s a banana doing in your back pocket? ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Getting up early, getting to the station on time: Cancelled ![]() Yes, I feel your pain brother ![]() | |||
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"Getting up early, getting to the station on time: Cancelled ![]() That's pants. ![]() | |||
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"Messages saying meet and fuck now. ![]() What? But you said yes? ![]() | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning ![]() Squashed bananas and plumbs ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Other road users. Bob off back to your driveways you road hogs!! " Yes. Those pesky Sunday morning drivers ![]() ![]() | |||
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"You’re up early holes ![]() A squashed banana is better than any alarm clock ![]() ![]() | |||
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"You’re up early holes ![]() The early bird pokes the hole ![]() | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning ![]() ![]() ![]() I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach ![]() | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() What have you been up to? ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Not all is lost Write a message on the skin; it's the best writing experience of your life" What would you like me to write? ![]() | |||
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"Grabbed what i thought was a packet of salt n vinger crisps once i opened blooming pickled blooming onion. Day ruined" I pray you find happiness at some point today. PS Fantastic bum hole ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years... What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten. | |||
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"Asante sana" Asante sana Squash banana, Wewe nugu mimi hapana Follow old Rafiki he show you the way It doesn't matter it's in the past ![]() | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() Hubby did that putting bin out,he was wearing socks aswell.. yuck | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() I was barefoot bleugh argh! | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() You can’t be that good at golf then ![]() | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() What is a slug doing in your bathroom ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Not getting enough Potassium " You get yours from spunk ![]() ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() I’m with you I hate squished banana just can’t put it in my mouth like that ![]() ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() Waking up. I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag…. | |||
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"Was your sphincter tighter than usual this morning?" Like a submarine door ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Why did I get a twinge reading this ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() It was ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() ![]() ![]() It was in the kitchen - they sneak in ![]() | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I have a pet slug called Yasmeen ![]() ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Oh Lordy! Gooey fingers… How come you can put a hard unripe banana in your bag and it still comes out squished and brown? | |||
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"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg ![]() Fried egg on toast it is then. | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank ![]() Did he not help finish you off? ![]() | |||
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"Nothing wrong with having a squashed banana - ideal for making a banana butty! ![]() Get out ![]() ![]() | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank ![]() ![]() Nope, how rude is that...... | |||
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"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg ![]() How did you know ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I know. I often put a hard thing in a bag and it cums out all squishy and slimy. Sometimes it cums out brown as well ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() She'd say the same about you, I'm sure ![]() | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank ![]() ![]() I’d get a new postman then ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg ![]() ![]() You left your camera switched on your back phone ![]() | |||
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"Not getting enough Potassium You get yours from spunk ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() She’s says a lot worse ![]() | |||
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"Not getting enough Potassium You get yours from spunk ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Something was on top of my fruit ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Much worse than that. | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() Depends where the banana was squashed? Pisses me off if I run out of coffee | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() We all see your public spats!! ![]() | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank ![]() ![]() Come on, he showed you his package ![]() | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() So you bashed it? ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Squash some more and make some banana bread ![]() Disgusting ![]() | |||
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"Especially if you forget its in your back pocket when you sit down ![]() I did that with a Cadburys Cream Egg once ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() It was in my laptop bag ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I’m the innocent victim in all of this ![]() | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank ![]() ![]() ![]() And probably emptied all of his sack ![]() | |||
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"Squash some more and make some banana bread ![]() That's just what I have been doing, 4 bananas squashed and now in the oven. Grandkids love Banana Bread ![]() | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() More it got bashed ![]() | |||
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"Messages saying meet and fuck now. ![]() Omg, this! And really pushy strings of messages because you haven't replied instantly!!! | |||
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"Tell me about it! " ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() I have a banana every day ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Well bloody hell if that's what your secret is I'm off to fyffes to get a load... | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Was your sphincter tighter than usual this morning? Like a submarine door ![]() Probably better to insert something more rigid than a banana! | |||
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"I somehow managed to lose a banana in my bag and it slowly decomposed but held its near liquid state right till I found it again by shoving my finger right through into its squish. Delightful. I also found a completely fossilized banana once so now I dont take bananas out with me. " Oh the joys of a woman's handbag lol | |||
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"I somehow managed to lose a banana in my bag and it slowly decomposed but held its near liquid state right till I found it again by shoving my finger right through into its squish. Delightful. I also found a completely fossilized banana once so now I dont take bananas out with me. Oh the joys of a woman's handbag lol " Everything in it you could possibly need, and lots more you really dont ![]() | |||
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"Nothing worse than a dog poo bag with a hole in it." FFS ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Look on the rosy side, if I have squashed bananas, I make banana bread ![]() Yeah that’s cause you’re bananas ![]() ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() Hows your day? | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() Fucking shite thanks ![]() | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Try Apples next time | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Cox’s? | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() No | |||
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"My day is ruined ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Maybe you have a banana fetish?? ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad " Ballsack in trouser flys ![]() ![]() | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad " No it’s not. It’s when the person next to you sits on your bollocks. That’s when it really hurts ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Apparently some people put them into spag bol so you could try that. " The door is right over there ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad Ballsack in trouser flys ![]() ![]() Or foreskin ![]() | |||
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"I need to know, did the banana survive the tragic accident? " No, it’s in banana heaven ![]() | |||
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"I’m told having your walnuts crushed is just as bad ![]() Unless it’s Xmas and you can use the proper crackers ![]() | |||
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"I’m told having your walnuts crushed is just as bad ![]() ![]() Sounds painful ![]() | |||
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"A kid sitting next to you having a "frube malfunction" leaving you looking like miss Bukkake 2021" Did any go on your tits as well? ![]() | |||
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