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What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace  | |||
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"Especially if you forget its in your back pocket when you sit down "What’s a banana doing in your back pocket?  | |||
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"Getting up early, getting to the station on time: Cancelled "Yes, I feel your pain brother | |||
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"Asante sana" Sorry I don’t speak French | |||
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"Getting up early, getting to the station on time: Cancelled "That's pants. | |||
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"Messages saying meet and fuck now.  "What? But you said yes? | |||
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"Two squashed bananas?  "In your back pocket? | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning "Squashed bananas and plumbs | |||
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"Other road users. Bob off back to your driveways you road hogs!! " Yes. Those pesky Sunday morning drivers | |||
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"You’re up early holes  "A squashed banana is better than any alarm clock | |||
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"You’re up early holes "The early bird pokes the hole | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning
Squashed bananas and plumbs "I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning
Squashed bananas and plumbs
I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach "What have you been up to? | |||
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"I buy the things simply to watch go brown, wither and end up in the compost. A wonder food that no longer taste as good as they used to." This reminds me of my ex Mrs. I don’t think the police will ever find her in that compost pile | |||
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"Not all is lost Write a message on the skin; it's the best writing experience of your life" What would you like me to write?  | |||
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"Grabbed what i thought was a packet of salt n vinger crisps once i opened blooming pickled blooming onion. Day ruined" I pray you find happiness at some point today. PS Fantastic bum hole | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace "A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years... What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten. | |||
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"Asante sana" Asante sana Squash banana, Wewe nugu mimi hapana Follow old Rafiki he show you the way It doesn't matter it's in the past | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom "Hubby did that putting bin out,he was wearing socks aswell.. yuck | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom
Hubby did that putting bin out,he was wearing socks aswell.. yuck"I was barefoot bleugh argh! | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...
What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten. "You can’t be that good at golf then  | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom "What is a slug doing in your bathroom | |||
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"Not getting enough Potassium " You get yours from spunk | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace "I’m with you I hate squished banana just can’t put it in my mouth like that  | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace "Waking up. I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag…. | |||
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"Was your sphincter tighter than usual this morning?" Like a submarine door | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
I’m with you I hate squished banana just can’t put it in my mouth like that "Why did I get a twinge reading this | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
Waking up.
I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag…."It was | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom
What is a slug doing in your bathroom "It was in the kitchen - they sneak in | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom
What is a slug doing in your bathroom
It was in the kitchen - they sneak in "I have a pet slug called Yasmeen | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
Waking up.
I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag….
It was "Oh Lordy! Gooey fingers… How come you can put a hard unripe banana in your bag and it still comes out squished and brown? | |||
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"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg "Fried egg on toast it is then. | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank "Did he not help finish you off? | |||
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"Nothing wrong with having a squashed banana - ideal for making a banana butty! "Get out | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank
Did he not help finish you off? "Nope, how rude is that...... | |||
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"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg
Fried egg on toast it is then. "How did you know  | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
Waking up.
I hope your banana wasn’t in your bag….
It was
Oh Lordy! Gooey fingers…
How come you can put a hard unripe banana in your bag and it still comes out squished and brown?"I know. I often put a hard thing in a bag and it cums out all squishy and slimy. Sometimes it cums out brown as well | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom
What is a slug doing in your bathroom
It was in the kitchen - they sneak in
I have a pet slug called Yasmeen "She'd say the same about you, I'm sure | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank
Did he not help finish you off?
Nope, how rude is that......"I’d get a new postman then | |||
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"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg
Fried egg on toast it is then.
How did you know "You left your camera switched on your back phone  | |||
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"Not getting enough Potassium You get yours from spunk " | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom
What is a slug doing in your bathroom
It was in the kitchen - they sneak in
I have a pet slug called Yasmeen
She'd say the same about you, I'm sure "She’s says a lot worse | |||
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"Not getting enough Potassium You get yours from spunk
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"Went to make my breakfast.. Decided I wanted scrambled eggs... But I only have 2 eggs.. Its fine I can deal with a little breakfast no big deal.. But I dropped one of the eggs and I can't just scramble 1 god dam egg
Fried egg on toast it is then.
How did you know
You left your camera switched on your back phone " | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning
Squashed bananas and plumbs
I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach
What have you been up to? "Something was on top of my fruit | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...
What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten.
You can’t be that good at golf then "Much worse than that. | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace "Depends where the banana was squashed? Pisses me off if I run out of coffee | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom
What is a slug doing in your bathroom
It was in the kitchen - they sneak in
I have a pet slug called Yasmeen
She'd say the same about you, I'm sure
She’s says a lot worse "We all see your public spats!! | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank
Did he not help finish you off?
Nope, how rude is that......"Come on, he showed you his package | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning
Squashed bananas and plumbs
I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach
What have you been up to?
Something was on top of my fruit "So you bashed it? | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...
What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten.
You can’t be that good at golf then
Much worse than that. " | |||
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"Squash some more and make some banana bread "Disgusting | |||
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"Especially if you forget its in your back pocket when you sit down "I did that with a Cadburys Cream Egg once  | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
Depends where the banana was squashed?
Pisses me off if I run out of coffee"It was in my laptop bag | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom
What is a slug doing in your bathroom
It was in the kitchen - they sneak in
I have a pet slug called Yasmeen
She'd say the same about you, I'm sure
She’s says a lot worse
We all see your public spats!! "I’m the innocent victim in all of this | |||
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"When the postman knocks on the door with a parcel for one of the neighbours and disturbs me half way through a really good lady wank
Did he not help finish you off?
Nope, how rude is that......
Come on, he showed you his package "And probably emptied all of his sack | |||
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"Squash some more and make some banana bread "That's just what I have been doing, 4 bananas squashed and now in the oven. Grandkids love Banana Bread | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning
Squashed bananas and plumbs
I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach
What have you been up to?
Something was on top of my fruit
So you bashed it? "More it got bashed | |||
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"Messages saying meet and fuck now. "Omg, this! And really pushy strings of messages because you haven't replied instantly!!! | |||
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"Tell me about it! " | |||
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"Tell me about it! " Literally or figuratively? | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...
What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten. "I have a banana every day | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
A banana that's been left in your golf bag for 2 years...
What's the point of bananas anyway? More get thrown away than get eaten.
I have a banana every day "Well bloody hell if that's what your secret is I'm off to fyffes to get a load... | |||
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"Treading on a slug as I stagger bleary-eyed to the bathroom
What is a slug doing in your bathroom
It was in the kitchen - they sneak in
I have a pet slug called Yasmeen
She'd say the same about you, I'm sure
She’s says a lot worse
We all see your public spats!!
I’m the innocent victim in all of this " | |||
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"Was your sphincter tighter than usual this morning? Like a submarine door "Probably better to insert something more rigid than a banana! | |||
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"I somehow managed to lose a banana in my bag and it slowly decomposed but held its near liquid state right till I found it again by shoving my finger right through into its squish. Delightful. I also found a completely fossilized banana once so now I dont take bananas out with me. " Oh the joys of a woman's handbag lol | |||
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"I somehow managed to lose a banana in my bag and it slowly decomposed but held its near liquid state right till I found it again by shoving my finger right through into its squish. Delightful. I also found a completely fossilized banana once so now I dont take bananas out with me. Oh the joys of a woman's handbag lol " Everything in it you could possibly need, and lots more you really dont | |||
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"Nothing worse than a dog poo bag with a hole in it." FFS
Thread Closed | |||
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"Look on the rosy side, if I have squashed bananas, I make banana bread "Yeah that’s cause you’re bananas | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace "Hows your day? | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
Hows your day?"Fucking shite thanks | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
Hows your day?
Fucking shite thanks "Try Apples next time | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
Hows your day?
Fucking shite thanks
Try Apples next time "Cox’s? | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
Hows your day?
Fucking shite thanks
Try Apples next time
Cox’s? "No | |||
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"My day is ruined
What else pisses you right off and ruins the start of your day?
Love and Peace
I’m with you I hate squished banana just can’t put it in my mouth like that
Why did I get a twinge reading this "Maybe you have a banana fetish?? | |||
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LvM | |||
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"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad " Ballsack in trouser flys
LvM | |||
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"My plums are squashed this morning
Squashed bananas and plumbs
I’m not even going to mention my bruised peach
What have you been up to?
Something was on top of my fruit
So you bashed it?
More it got bashed " | |||
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"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad " No it’s not. It’s when the person next to you sits on your bollocks. That’s when it really hurts | |||
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"Apparently some people put them into spag bol so you could try that. " The door is right over there | |||
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"Sitting on your own bollock is pretty bad Ballsack in trouser flys
LvM"Or foreskin | |||
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"I need to know, did the banana survive the tragic accident? " No, it’s in banana heaven | |||
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"RIP Banana... And I was going to offer CPR " | |||
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"I’m told having your walnuts crushed is just as bad "Unless it’s Xmas and you can use the proper crackers | |||
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"I’m told having your walnuts crushed is just as bad
Unless it’s Xmas and you can use the proper crackers "Sounds painful | |||
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"A kid sitting next to you having a "frube malfunction" leaving you looking like miss Bukkake 2021" Did any go on your tits as well?  | |||
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Unless I run out of bread. That's always a disaster. | |||
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