FabSwingers.com forum: Take me as I am...

By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

So, on the rare occasion I arrange a meet, I usually accommodate. For a first meeting, I generally don't get all dressed up to the 9's because I just want to completely be myself- jeans & a Tshirt, a chat over a cup of tea & see where it leads.

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definately not….. your being yourself and that’s who someone should want to meet….. it is whatever your comfortable with that matters xxxx

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I don't think it's unreasonable. I like a woman looking relaxed and comfortable. Everyday attire is still a very sexy look. Luke

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By *lassy_but_sassyWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Not at all, I'm similar to you in that I accom, and like you for a first meet yes I'll wear nice lingerie underneath but I like to be comfortable so I'll wear jeans, hair up, makeup etc etc, but I have had a lot of guys ask me to answer the door naked, or ask what I'll dress up in for them, request stockings and all sorts, before we've even met!

I too feel a bit like if I dress up or do what they want me to do then I'm not being me and I'm not comfortable and I wouldn't enjoy the meet. If I'm feeling comfortable in myself then I'm more likely to enjoy it and then future meets I'm more than happy to wear the skimpy lingerie!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

You do it the way that suits you. It's not like you're demanding diamonds and a holiday.

I'm more likely to do it the other way around - but that's just my preference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on how they ask.

I wouldn't meet a stranger for a fuck at my house. Social in a public place then if it goes ok more later.

They can ask for lingerie if that turns them on but you don't have to oblige. If they get arsey about it I wouldn't be meeting them - if they can't take "no" for an answer on something like that then they can't be trusted with anything else.

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By *urvyBi-84Man
over a year ago

Lancs

"So, on the rare occasion I arrange a meet, I usually accommodate. For a first meeting, I generally don't get all dressed up to the 9's because I just want to completely be myself- jeans & a Tshirt, a chat over a cup of tea & see where it leads.

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?"

No, I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. In fact I quite like it. Keeping things casual for the first meeting would actually help keep things relaxed, and personally I find it much more attractive when people allow themselves to be themselves

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Absolutely not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely NOT being unreasonable. We’re real people, and not just a male fantasy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?"
.

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I took the same tactic on my previous profile in that I deliberately dressed down (ie not all dressed up wearing similar undergarments as displayed in my profile). Often the chat before meeting would be a badgering of will I be wearing my stockings? Immediate switch off. On the occasions when I did and that conversation didn't happen,at the actual social, the fellas had an expectation that sex would happen - instant switch off especially when they turned up wearing jogger pants etc and I felt over dressed

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By *hubby CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Essex

Answer the door in pj’s and crocs…if he runs then he’s not worth your time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you can’t be you op then there really is little point unless you’re an actress getting paid to be a character which of course on here you’re not so just do you and enjoy your adventure.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

No you are not being unreasonable

I always use hotels and get there first, he may request something but he has no idea what I am wearing until he walks in the door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your aren’t being unreasonable at all OP.

You need to be yourself at all times and what you describe is perfect for me.

No one should feel the need to present themselves in a certain way for someone else especially when in the long term is unsustainable.

The other side of it is that when you dress up for someone it’s part of the sexual dance during the build up.

Just meet there is rarely that dance going on.

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

Definitely not. Best be comfortable in what you wear. I'm more comfortable in gym clothes.. especially in warmer months but normally jeans and a t-shirt for me.. (mostly marvel based) but that's who I am. But I do feel more comfortable in joggers but that may be pushing it a bit lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely agree with this, photos are an indication of what may be ahead, number of times I'm asked... Sooo are you wearing... Yea cause a cut around tesco in stripe stockings and skyscraper heels lol

I need to feel at ease with someone to dress for him.

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I don’t do requests … ever !

I’ve thought of adding that to my profile , I hate being told what to do / wear at the best of time, never mind from a stranger.

I prefer to wear a skirt or dress , weather permitting and that my personal choice but I don’t usually meet home.for a first meet.

I dress to please myself in a manner that makes feel good

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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

Thank you all for your input xx

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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago

In my happy place

Requests or time slots when you dont know the person really annoy me.

It puts me off as it makes me feel like I am picked out of a catalogue by the hour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come as you are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They do what they want to do, say what they want to say

Live how they want to live, play how they want to play

Dance how they want to dance, kick and the slap a friend

The Addams family…

Oooo yeah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Come as you are"

As you were

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Come as you are

As you were"

As I want you to be

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

Smart casual, be yourself, pretence is hard to keep up, keep the special things for the special occasions. If someone doesn't appreciate you as your everyday self "next".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you tried just having pics where you're not wearing lingerie to see if that makes a difference?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not unreasonable at all..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No you're not being unreasonable. I've had these requests in the past too and cancelled the meet as a result x

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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

"Have you tried just having pics where you're not wearing lingerie to see if that makes a difference?"

If it happened all the time, I probably would. I still feel that it's a bit presumptuous to expect me to be dressed in almost nothing on a first meeting, regardless of my pics!!

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By *xmarkxx321Man
over a year ago

sittingbourne

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?"

No your not being unreasonable I wouldn't care what you was wearing it's the person inside that counts for me and what will be will be xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not unreasonable. Luckily it's easy enough to find guys that don't have such expectations.

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?"

Nope. Unless it's an agreed upon situation, you are free to dress as you like in your own home.

If I'm playing solo, i don't expect anything from anyone on a first meet other than a social. If I get anything more, fantastic but if not, I'm just glad I had a social.

You do you. You don't owe anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you tried just having pics where you're not wearing lingerie to see if that makes a difference?

If it happened all the time, I probably would. I still feel that it's a bit presumptuous to expect me to be dressed in almost nothing on a first meeting, regardless of my pics!!"

Well yes

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Unless it's been agreed on then I wear what I comfortable with.

There's been occasions when I've met requests but that's only been after we've met before.

First time meet, you get me as me

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

The thread title now has me singing Bryan adams

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we're gonna be naked eventually, you could wear a bin bag for all I care

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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

"If we're gonna be naked eventually, you could wear a bin bag for all I care

Lol!! I get it but it leaves me feeling pretty inadequate if dressing a certain way is a prerequisite to a meet!

I want to feel comfortable before baring all- especially as we all know not everyone is completely honest about who they are on their profile!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be urself, its plain to tell when efforts made.

The only time id be put off if someone turned up in joggers or 'vans' id know at that point its not going any further.

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

If I fancy you in your “sloppies,” I’ll fancy you naked/dressed up/ whatever, you do you!

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Just be yourself jeans T-shirt no make up if they don’t like you then it’s there loss better being natural than to be something your not comfy with

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

Defenitly not , i myself even i received friends for meetings in night dress

and i never have time to put make up on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% not unreasonable

Our first coffee meet was me on my own meeting a woman. The three of us had been chatting in a group text for weeks and this was kinda the rubber stamp.

Our friend (still a friend to this day) turned up in housework clothes. The worst she could find. To see what I would do.

I didn't give a fuck. It was coffee and lunch and we had a blast.

The dudes are making demands on you are out of line

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

It wouldn't even cross my mind to ask someone I hadn't met before to wear something specific - it's bloody rude!

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

You’re being very reasonable. I would never request someone to dress up if I’d not met them before , unless they instigated and encouraged it. It’s happened once where I was asked to dress up and so I got to request it back.

Jeans and T shirt is absolutely fine

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By *urvyBi-84Man
over a year ago

Lancs

"The thread title now has me singing Bryan adams "

Yes! Glad I’m not the only one

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I much prefer anyone I'm meeting to be relaxed and comfortable especially for a first social.

I will always make an effort but it will be smart casual.

It's different if you've been meeting for a while and dressing up is part of an agreed scenario but there's no way I'm turning up for a social in a suit. For me that would be pretentious.

If I was in a suit for work and went directly to a meet I would lose the jacket and tie just so I could be more comfortable and not give the impression that I dressed like that all the time.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that pandering to others expectations of what to wear is something of a slippery slope, where are the lines drawn between you and their expectations? What are you willing to do in order to please them and give a good impression?

If you’re comfortable meeting them like that OP, then that’s great. Personally I’d love that type of meet as it sounds relaxed and natural.

When we meet others I tend to think that most of us want to see the reality of a person, not a reflection of our expectations

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?"

Demands would put me off and have in the past....

You be who you are and what works for you.

If men want to press for certain criteria, well my guard would be up for what might be to come!

Says a lot about those tbh.....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No. I don't think you are being unreasonable as long as it's made very clear beforehand what is going to happen.

To be fair - If you want to be seen as you - why don't you dress in a T shirt and jeans on your pics.. ?

That's not a criticism , it's a question.

I'd be full of questions if I arranged to meet a dapper hunk in a suit n shoes and he met me dressed as if he was decorating his house with a few days growth .....

This is me wouldn't cut it

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I often think that where women want a 'social' sort of meet , quite a few men want an 'experience' .....

So if he sees a gaping arse with a dildo in it he wants that experience.

If he sees a basque - that's what he's looking for....

If someone is blonde with red undies on their pic - he'd be very puzzled if a brunette with Granny Knickers turned up.

They are pretty simple

Depends on the bloke I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some guys cant see past profile pics...

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By *orestguy28Man
over a year ago

Glos

You are NOT being unreasonable. I believe there should be no expectations when meeting unless previously spoken about. Personally I prefer the girl next door look to coin a phrase. That way when you meet if things aren’t right you can both walk away no hard feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't ever do anything for people on Fab you're not happy or comfortable with. Important boundary, and those who try and cross it, ditch em.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?"

I think you’ve got this spot on - it’s good to make an effort for yourself and for others, and it should always be appreciated. But it’s by no means an expectation and anyone who has that view is to be well avoided, in my opinion. I’d much rather someone was their complete and genuine self, totally at ease and comfortable. It’s highly a attractive trait.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always get moaned at for the opposite reasons when I've met someone a few times.

As I don't dress down ever, I never wear jeans,leggings,jogging bottoms etc etc...

People assume I dress up all the time, but I don't.

It's just how I am and always have been.

Clothes are just clothes at the end of the day, wear what you like the most and sod what others think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?"

Im the exzct same i went to my last meet in mt jeans top and trainers, i wear what makes me comfy, i did have matching underwear on but thats it, the pics of me in lingerie might look good (or may not to some) but id feel weird dressing like that to a meet, i hate when guys say aw do u wear sussies n heels.. i usually reply, do you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I often think that where women want a 'social' sort of meet , quite a few men want an 'experience' .....

So if he sees a gaping arse with a dildo in it he wants that experience.

If he sees a basque - that's what he's looking for....

If someone is blonde with red undies on their pic - he'd be very puzzled if a brunette with Granny Knickers turned up.

They are pretty simple

Depends on the bloke I guess. "

I love you gc.

Sometimes I think you are a parody account that makes me laugh then other times you cut to the heart of an issue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s not unreasonable at all, in fact it’s very bloody sensible

Why reveal your essence on a first meet

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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

"No. I don't think you are being unreasonable as long as it's made very clear beforehand what is going to happen.

To be fair - If you want to be seen as you - why don't you dress in a T shirt and jeans on your pics.. ?

That's not a criticism , it's a question.

I'd be full of questions if I arranged to meet a dapper hunk in a suit n shoes and he met me dressed as if he was decorating his house with a few days growth .....

This is me wouldn't cut it

As I said though, I'm obviously not unwilling to bare all & dress in a provocative way, but not on a first meeting! To me, showing myself in my undies on my pics doesn't mean a bloke is going to get that side of me straight away without at least testing the water & checking if we both feel the same face to face as we did when chatting online..

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By *isspurplechesterWoman
over a year ago

Chester

Not unreasonable at all! I’ve been to socials in my dinner hour wearing my work clothes, which makes me look like I’ve just come out of a skip haha. If it’s the only time we can fit the social in, then sorry but that’s what I’ll be wearing

. I had a social a few months ago, and both of us had made an effort for that, and then the next morning I bumped into the lady, we both had our kids with us, and not dressed up at all! She still looked beautiful without hair and makeup

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By *.L.0460. OP Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

"No. I don't think you are being unreasonable as long as it's made very clear beforehand what is going to happen.

To be fair - If you want to be seen as you - why don't you dress in a T shirt and jeans on your pics.. ?

That's not a criticism , it's a question.

I'd be full of questions if I arranged to meet a dapper hunk in a suit n shoes and he met me dressed as if he was decorating his house with a few days growth .....

This is me wouldn't cut it

I also made the point that I DO put effort into my appearance, which is a bit different from your scenario of a bloke turning up looking like Stig of the dump...

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

I'm not saying I don't put any effort in- I'll always have some nice lingerie on underneath & do hair & makeup etc, but I would rather be my normal self on that initial introduction.

In my opinion, if the meet goes well, there's plenty of time for dressing up in the future.

Sometimes, men will press for me to dress up in a sexy outfit, which always leads me to call off the meet.

It makes me feel as if who & what I am isn't enough & if that's the case, I'm just not interested.

I get that my profile pic is of me in lingerie, but surely men must appreciate that I'm not gonna answer my door to someone dressed like that when we've never met before??

Am I being unreasonable?"

No when I met my OH, she was simply dressed in jeans, jumper and shoes. She looked stunning and the fact she was dressed as herself, no frills, is what did it for me, the person she was shone through rather than try to portray an image of someone dressing because it was expected.

We have only expected people when we met, smart casual and dress suitable for where we were meeting/weather etc

We had limits

no sports shirts, trackie bottoms and trainers,

If meeting in a pub would only expect dressed appropriately, that includes, shorts, summer dresses if the weather was such. We met people fir whonthey are on not how they dress

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I often think that where women want a 'social' sort of meet , quite a few men want an 'experience' .....

So if he sees a gaping arse with a dildo in it he wants that experience.

If he sees a basque - that's what he's looking for....

If someone is blonde with red undies on their pic - he'd be very puzzled if a brunette with Granny Knickers turned up.

They are pretty simple

Depends on the bloke I guess.

I love you gc.

Sometimes I think you are a parody account that makes me laugh then other times you cut to the heart of an issue"

I love you too!

I'm certainly not mono faceted that's for sure.

and yes I am a parody but occasionally 'I' pop my head above the parapet.

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