FabSwingers.com forum: Best jokes…

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

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By *reamblueMan
over a year ago

London

What do you call a female dinosaur?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a female dinosaur?"

I don’t know _reamblue. What do you call a female dinosaur?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do you call an elephant that

doesn't matter?

Irrelephant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face..."

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By *reamblueMan
over a year ago

London

"What do you call a female dinosaur?

I don’t know _reamblue. What do you call a female dinosaur?"

A vaginasaur

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Today is a great day! In fact it's 10/10.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my life.

the biggest cosmic joke known to the universe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I made a pair of binoculars out of fish fingers.

Now I get a birds eye view of everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our best one is on our profile

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By *umalotagainMan
over a year ago

a town called malice

"my life.

the biggest cosmic joke known to the universe.

Px "

Behave, life is never that bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My girlfriend said she'd leave me unless I promised to stop quoting oasis all of the time…

I said maybe

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By *reamblueMan
over a year ago

London

What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

Teacher: Which part of you goes to heaven when you die?

Johnny: Your legs Mrs

Teacher: how did you get that answer Johnny?

Johnny: Well I walked into mum & dad playing wrestling lastnight & she had her legs wide open in the air screaming "Omg I'm coming"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"my life.

the biggest cosmic joke known to the universe.

Behave, life is never that bad "

Don’t dismiss other peoples problems.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I've just found a wooden shoe in my toilet. It was clogged!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Our best one is on our profile "

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the archaeologist that dug up a dinosaur fart ?

They said it was a blast from the past

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

There's one thing I just can't deal with. A deck of cards glued together.

LvM

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Heard about the new superhero Aluminium Man?

Any bad guys he meets have their plans foiled.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Heard about the new superhero Aluminium Man?

Any bad guys he meets have their plans foiled."

Hahaha! Love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a terrible zoo the other day, it only had 1 dog in it.

It was a Shih Tzu

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the worst thing about having sex with 25 year olds?

There are 20 of them....

(Please be assured,I ain't no Jimmy saville!).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man Utd Win the premier league !

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I opened a can of evaporated milk and it was still there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I opened a can of evaporated milk and it was still there.

I love that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I opened a can of evaporated milk and it was still there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you count a field of cows?

A cowculator

Why did thee mexican throw hes wife off the cleeef(said like speedy gonzalez)

Tequila

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you count a field of cows?

A cowculator

Why did thee mexican throw hes wife off the cleeef(said like speedy gonzalez)

Tequila "

Haha! I’ve never heard the cow one, and I’ve heard a lot of jokes, a lot, a lot!

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By *ristobaltMan
over a year ago

penryn

Why is ET so small?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

How do the Malfoys get into bed?

They Slytherin.

Mrs TMN

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the fresh prints

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By *91kMan
over a year ago

Maidstone

I got fired from the keyboard factory today.

It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts

Either that or not enough control...

Or maybe, they just wanted more space

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Bra is an Italian DOP cheese from the province of Cuneo in Piedmont.

Just though I'd get that one of my chest.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I got fired from the keyboard factory today.

It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts

Either that or not enough control...

Or maybe, they just wanted more space

Lucky escape?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Bra is an Italian DOP cheese from the province of Cuneo in Piedmont.

Just though I'd get that one off my chest."

Typo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you count a field of cows?

A cowculator

Why did thee mexican throw hes wife off the cleeef(said like speedy gonzalez)

Tequila

Haha! I’ve never heard the cow one, and I’ve heard a lot of jokes, a lot, a lot! "
my grandad taught me it when i was around 7 or 8 few weeks before he died

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By *91kMan
over a year ago

Maidstone

"I got fired from the keyboard factory today.

It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts

Either that or not enough control...

Or maybe, they just wanted more space

Lucky escape?"

Well played sir!

I'll just go and 'delete' my post...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/10/21 22:52:00]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?

Still no fucking idea

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

How do you offer someone a vegan meal and still make friends?

Give 'em chips!

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A Doyathinkesaurus.

LvM

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?

Still no fucking idea"

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What do you calla dinosaur with inflamed haemorrhoids?

Mega sore arse.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I got fired from the keyboard factory today.

It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts

Either that or not enough control...

Or maybe, they just wanted more space

Lucky escape?

Well played sir!

I'll just go and 'delete' my post..."

and return to your home?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?

Still no fucking idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea."

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Where do astronauts go for a drink?

The spacebar.

LvM

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?

Still no fucking idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused sitting next to a wanking snowman?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea as he never saw it cumming.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Where do astronauts go for a drink?

The spacebar.

LvM"

And that's where the have their weddings, wakes, parties and other functions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What musician can you find on your keyboard?

Slash.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile

Wheelie?

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Q: Why did God create the yeast infection?

A: So women could know what it's like living with an irritating cunt too.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Q: Why did God create the yeast infection?

A: So women could know what it's like living with an irritating cunt too.

Are you being rash?

Also, if you want a rash, start from scratch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?

Still no fucking idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused sitting next to a wanking snowman?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea as he never saw it cumming."

This is brill...

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka, confused, sitting next to a jizzing snowman, feeling tired?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea, he never saw it coming as he was fatigued.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

The real reason us blokes, sometimes gives our penis a name, is due to the fact, that we wouldn't ask a strnger for advice.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Need to do a project in science? Don't have enough time, effort or inclination?

Then do your essay or report on the humble petri dish, as you won't need to go too deep in to it.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?

Still no fucking idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals drinking Swedish vodka? Absolut-ely, still no fucking idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka and is confused sitting next to a wanking snowman?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea as he never saw it cumming.

This is brill...

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no genitals, drinking swedish vodka, confused, sitting next to a jizzing snowman, feeling tired?

Absolutely clueless, still no fucking idea, he never saw it coming as he was fatigued."

Or if you're a member of the Royal family: venison.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

Archaeologists have discovered a new breed of lesbian dinosaur where the tongue was over 6 feet in length - they’ve called it the lickalorrapuss ….. i’ll get my coat!!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Comedy is no joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are washing machines funny?

They take the piss out of knickers

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

A married woman of 10 years goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.

She says: "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table."

The doctor says: "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

"Naah..." she says.

"That's okay. We wouldn't go back to that restaurant anyway!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sold my vacuum cleaner yesterday.

Well it was just collecting dust

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

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By *ildbillkidMan
over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

[Removed by poster at 11/10/21 01:40:10]

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By *ildbillkidMan
over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's a broken pencil and my life got in common?

They're both pointless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a broken pencil and my life got in common?

They're both pointless."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A dick has it rough. Not only are his closest friends nuts, but his backdoor neighbour’s an arsehole; and if that weren’t enough, he regularly takes a beating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris? Men will actually bother to look for a golf ball.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does the doctor smack babies on the butt after they are born?

To make sure the dicks get knocked off the smart ones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was on the toilet at Asda when I heard a Woman's voice coming through a hole in the wall...

She said "if you pop £10 through the hole I'll suck you off"

I thought yeh I'm having some of that, and shoved a tenner through then my erect cock ....unfortunately the wall was 3 inches thick.

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By *adForGood69Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

"What's the worst thing about having sex with 25 year olds?

There are 20 of them....

(Please be assured,I ain't no Jimmy saville!). "

We have a winner

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I have no control, I don't have any space and I even lost my home yesterday; there just doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

I really need to buy a new fucking keyboard...

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By *licecdTV/TS
over a year ago

Hatfield

Best joke ever Tottenham Hotspur

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

What did the mother Buffalo say when her son left for school?

Bye-Son

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Top science tip

You can tell an alligator from a crocodile, by whether he says he’ll see you later, or in a while.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you get pikachu on a bus?

Pokemon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why doesn't the Queen wave with this hand? (Pretend you can see me waving my left hand)

Because this is my hand.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why doesn't the Queen wave with this hand? (Pretend you can see me waving my left hand)

Because this is my hand."

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’m chatting to a girl on here who is a roofer. We arranged a social , I warned her she may get her asphalt.

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By *iddylad87Man
over a year ago

kidderminster

Went to the doctors last week, he said he was really concerned about my weight, I said don’t worry bout it doc, I was only 20 mins and at least the chair never broke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with a number plate on his head ?

Regg

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Went to the doctors last week, he said he was really concerned about my weight, I said don’t worry bout it doc, I was only 20 mins and at least the chair never broke"

I went to the doctors last week I told him I feel like I’m falling through a wooden structure , there’s a curtain and a crowd watching , he said not to worry , it’s just a stage you’re going through

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

Batman: It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub

Alfred: Master Bruce, what's a htub?

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By *linyMan
over a year ago

Manchester/London

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

Are you stocking up on your status quotes?! Ha ha I do enjoy them.

Things I hate:

Lists, cauliflower, arrogance, lists, repetition and lists

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

This one isn't mine...(written on a toilet wall)

Three things I hate:

1: Graffiti

2: Lists

3: Irony

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

The NHS has published a report saying dentists are in the highest risk of developing mental distress.

The report was called "Down in the Mouth?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

Are you stocking up on your status quotes?! Ha ha I do enjoy them.

Things I hate:

Lists, cauliflower, arrogance, lists, repetition and lists "

Yes I am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Weathers been awful lately... the wind blew away 25% of my roof

OOF.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a tuna a pot of glue and a piano?

You can tune a piano but you can’t piano a tuna..

Pause for thought.

What about the glue???

I knew you’d get stuck on that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One I made up for the kids years ago:

What do cows eat for breakfast? Moooesly!

An old favourite:

Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flatmate!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One I made up for the kids years ago:

What do cows eat for breakfast? Moooesly!

An old favourite:

Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flatmate!

U made me giggle… even tho the last one I kinda feel like I shouldn’t have

I love hedgehogssss

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By *ack688Man
over a year ago

abruzzo Italy (and UK)

There are 10 types of people in this world, those that understand binary and those that don’t.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Halloween one

What's confusing about twin witches? You never know which witch is which!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got fired from the keyboard factory today.

It seems I wasn't putting in enough shifts

Either that or not enough control...

Or maybe, they just wanted more space

Lucky escape?

Well played sir!

I'll just go and 'delete' my post...

and return to your home?"

Enough! Or I’m calling the CAPS!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the d*unken circumciser? He got the sack!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you hear about the d*unken circumciser? He got the sack!"

Reminds me of the time my Gynaecologist was sacked for drinking at work.

Apparently he was twatted.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Weathers been awful lately... the wind blew away 25% of my roof

OOF. "

and ended up in my garden.

"R"

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Did you hear about the swinger who couldn’t get into a club in Wales?

She swore she got at least two pricks at the surgery..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

Sofishticated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Spell

Spell who?

W. H. O.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

Sofishticated."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you know they have taken the word gullible out of the dictionary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

Sofishticated.

I always see your jokes on our news feed they make me chuckle

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What fish do cobblers use, to fix their shoes?

Sole

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

I knew someone who quit his job at Build-a-bear workshop. He stormed out, telling them to stuff their job!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My girlfriend just left me because of my pasta touching fetish.

I'm feeling cannaloni right now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the magic tracktor?

It turned into a field

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Who does a farmer consult, to see if he can afford to surround his field with thick bushes?

A hedge fund manager

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"My girlfriend just left me because of my pasta touching fetish.

I'm feeling cannaloni right now

Why not penne a letter?

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By *icechap 500Man
over a year ago

BOURNEMOUTH

Some one just dumped a ton of playdough on my door step..... I don't know what to make of it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some one just dumped a ton of playdough on my door step..... I don't know what to make of it! "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My friend didn’t believe me when I said I was going to build a bike out of lasagne. You should have seen her face when I rode pasta

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feminists hate controlling men.

Yet they love controlling men.

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By *icechap 500Man
over a year ago

BOURNEMOUTH

I used to get bullied at school so a few of us formed a anti bullying campaign called break the cycle... Then after school we found our bikes smashed up!

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By *un time300Couple
over a year ago

dagenham

[Removed by poster at 12/10/21 13:49:56]

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By *un time300Couple
over a year ago

dagenham

What do you call a dog with no tounge

Scruffy bollocks lol

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By *icechap 500Man
over a year ago

BOURNEMOUTH

How does a dog smell with no nose..... Awful

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

I joined Weight Watchers. But first few weeks you’re just finding your feet..

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By *icechap 500Man
over a year ago

BOURNEMOUTH

I've been having trouble sleeping so I went to the Dr to see what he could do.... Dr said try sleeping at the end of the bed you should soon drop off

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By *ames5169Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

What do you call a fish with no eyes ?

Fsh

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Did you know that the Chinese do actually use knives, forks and spoons?

Not for eating food: that's what chopsticks and ceramic spoons are for. It's to decide what to call their children.

When the child is born, they take their cutlery set out of its case and throw the whole lot into the air. The resulting sounds as the metal crashes against metal mid air, then lands on the hard floor, give them the name... Tin-tan-tong or Duk-Dak-Dink.

I'll get me coat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you know that the Chinese do actually use knives, forks and spoons?

Not for eating food: that's what chopsticks and ceramic spoons are for. It's to decide what to call their children.

I'll get me coat."

Not only an awful joke, but a racial stereotype as well.

Bravo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heard a 10 year old tell that one on a breakfast show on irish radio couple of weeks ago. Nearly crashedvon the motorway, was laughing so much!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man once told me to always leave them wanting more. Unfortunately, he was working in a rationing station.

Why did the weatherman bring a bar soap with him to work? He was predicting showers.

How do you kill a circus clown? Go for the juggler.

I went to the zoo the other day, the only animal they had was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

How about a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Did you know that the Chinese do actually use knives, forks and spoons?

Not for eating food: that's what chopsticks and ceramic spoons are for. It's to decide what to call their children.

I'll get me coat.

Not only an awful joke, but a racial stereotype as well.

Bravo "

Well, if Ting Tong from Tooting from Little Britain is good enogh for the Beeb, then we'll need a deeper barrel to scrape.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador"

This is the winner!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk about bad luck just caught Covid off a fish finger, just failed a Mackerel flow test.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My friend didn’t believe me when I said I was going to build a bike out of lasagne. You should have seen her face when I rode pasta "

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"My friend didn’t believe me when I said I was going to build a bike out of lasagne. You should have seen her face when I rode pasta

Don't forget to put some oilve oil on the chain.

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By *xploringgentMan
over a year ago

London &

Three conspiracy theorists walk in to a bar…

You can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

I went to the jewellers and flopped my cock on the counter in front if the stunning assistant - i said can you fix my clock? She said thats not a clock - its a cock - i said put two hands and a face on it then!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between jam and peanut butter?

I can’t peanut butter my cock in your arse

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

I was reading a book about a dog that was immortal ...

...it was impossible to put down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was reading a book about a dog that was immortal ...

...it was impossible to put down

Shocking!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had an accident last night. I was messing around with liquid viagra. It went in my eyes. I know it won’t do anything for my sex life but at least I look hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not shour it’s a joke

But something I found funny

In my younger years

We would sit inside flats when it rained

Woman that staying in them come out to tell us to scram

One off the group back chatted her

She turns as says

Ooo shut up before I shag your dad and make you my new step child

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not shour it’s a joke

But something I found funny

In my younger years

We would sit inside flats when it rained

Woman that staying in them come out to tell us to scram

One off the group back chatted her

She turns as says

Ooo shut up before I shag your dad and make you my new step child "

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By *esthetic21Man
over a year ago

Birmingham/Bristol

What do you call a bloke with seagull on his head?

Cliff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wheres the worst place to play hide and seek in a hospital ?

ICU

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can you tell which one is the head nurse?

The one with dirty knees.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not shour it’s a joke

But something I found funny

In my younger years

We would sit inside flats when it rained

Woman that staying in them come out to tell us to scram

One off the group back chatted her

She turns as says

Ooo shut up before I shag your dad and make you my new step child "

Then someone could have chanted

“You flat bastard”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do the Malfoys get into bed?

They Slytherin.

Mrs TMN

How long does an owl live for?

6 and quarter books.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"How do the Malfoys get into bed?

They Slytherin.

Mrs TMN

How long does an owl live for?

6 and quarter books."

What's the phone number for the owl breeder?

2-8

2-0

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the caretaker say when he jumped out of the cupboard? "Supplies!"

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Captain Kirk has started keeping expensive fish. He likes his McCoy Carp.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Seaside Sussex

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face..."

patient: DOCTOR! I can't stop bursting into song. But it's always the same songs.

Doctor: tell me which songs you can't stop repeating.

patient Why Why Why Delilah, What's New Pussycat?, Green Green Grass of Home. Lately I've even started singing Sexbomb. What's the matter with me?"

Doctor: "It seems you have Tom Jones' Syndrome..."

Patient: "Is that a common disease?"

Doctor:"It's Not Unusual"

...I'll get me coat

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had an accident last night. I was messing around with liquid viagra. It went in my eyes. I know it won’t do anything for my sex life but at least I look hard"

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By *onnydayzMan
over a year ago

preston

"Let’s have your best jokes, the more ‘daddish’ the better

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never paid to see a lentil

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By *rewersprojectMan
over a year ago

Leeds

A priest, an Iman and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit might be a typo.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking. But then I saw her face..."

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

When is the worst time to have a heart attack?

During a game of charades

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By *ulkuriMan
over a year ago

London

Not really a thing dad should say to their kid, but oh well, fits the site.

What is the difference between a joke and three dicks?

-Your mom cant take a joke.

I'll see myself out!

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Seaside Sussex

How do you get down from an elephant?....

You don't get down from an elephant,- you get down from ducks.

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By *erDirtyRockstarMan
over a year ago

buckinghamshire

Mine is not so daddish. So my grandad was on at me the other night that I rely on technology too much, so I called him a hypocrite and switched off his life support

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By *erDirtyRockstarMan
over a year ago

buckinghamshire

Here's a daddish. So I walking down the Hugh street other day, saw a TV on sale in the shop window " £10 volume stuck on full" I thought, I can't turn that down.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Here's a daddish. So I walking down the Hugh street other day, saw a TV on sale in the shop window " £10 volume stuck on full" I thought, I can't turn that down."

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By *eading beddingMan
over a year ago

Berks

I was wondering why the frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger, and then it hit me!

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By *eading beddingMan
over a year ago

Berks

"How do you count a field of cows?

A cowculator

Why did thee mexican throw hes wife off the cleeef(said like speedy gonzalez)

Tequila

Haha! I’ve never heard the cow one, and I’ve heard a lot of jokes, a lot, a lot! "

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a female dinosaur who prefers the ladies?

Lickalotopus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ???

A Stick @@

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