FabSwingers.com forum: Rant about the C.S.A.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know this subject is nothing to do with swinging but I just wanted to hear about your dealings with the child support agency (CSA).

I left my ex partner about two years ago when I found out she was having an affair. Since leaving I have always supported my 12 year old daughter & bought her anything that she needs.

My ex partner has now decided that she can't be arsed working full time anymore and has dropped her hours to part time. Shes now taken me to the CSA to subsidise her loss of income.

I'm absolutely furious, I have to work full time to survive & now I've got to pay her 15% of my wage!!!

The CSA don't take into account any rent/mortgage or debts you may have. This is now leaving my skint every month.

Surely this can't be fair, this system stinks!!!

Rant over... your _iews please.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

The C.S.A is called the Child Support Agency.

They will not charge you for having an idle ex wife.

Stop putting up fallacies and pay for your child's upkeep.

Thank you for asking for my opinion.

The C.S.A will not ask for a penny that your child doesn't need.

God I have been so careful in this response....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I think 15% is a fair amount to ensure your child has the best upbringing possible in life.

Sorry to hear your wife had the affair that led to this though.

All the best to you and your daughter

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Hello Mr. Sunny Side Up :P xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Hello Mr. Sunny Side Up :P xx "

morning

and I am feeling exactly sunny side up

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Well I'm soooooooooo glad to know it. Your posts generally make my cockles glow xx

Have a lovely Sunday tuppence xxx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Well I'm soooooooooo glad to know it. Your posts generally make my cockles glow xx

Have a lovely Sunday tuppence xxx"

and you

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was informed that my daughters 'dad' didn't have to pay anything towards my daughter as in his household he is already supporting 3 children (soon to be 4)... NON of which are actually his children except the one that's on the way.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its not fair they should make you pay money that you cant afford to pay.

maybe you should work part time as well.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can understand making sure your daughter is taken care of but fact your ex has made the choice to work part time isn't your fault. Must be nice to make that choice and know that the bills will still be paid by you

Sorry that's just my oppinion. I agree the daughter should be looked after but that doesn't mean the ex should use that to her advantage. Now if she lost her job or had her hours cut that's different.

And before anyone says yes I know we are only hearing one side of the story so my opinion is based on what op side only

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I was informed that my daughters 'dad' didn't have to pay anything towards my daughter as in his household he is already supporting 3 children (soon to be 4)... NON of which are actually his children except the one that's on the way. "

Does he deny being the father ?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rather than you now buying the things you do for her, i think the CSA will assume that's what the payment you make to your wife will do.

While i have heard some horror stories about the CSA, being asked to pay only 15% of your income to support your child does not sound harsh.

Do you assume that paying for her food, clothing etc would only be your ex-wifes responsibility and you would only be required to buy your daughter gifts to make her feel special?

Maybe your ex can only work part time because she is busy bringing up your child.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *imon_hydeMan
over a year ago

Stockport

You have a moral responsibility to support and provide for your child, don't moan about it just do it.

Personally I have nothing but good things to say about the CSA, if it wasn't for them my son and I would have had no help from his mother.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reenonionsMan
over a year ago

Nr Exeter

It seems to work both ways but it is what it is.

Shoulda kept it in your pants way back lol....!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"its not fair they should make you pay money that you cant afford to pay.

maybe you should work part time as well.

That has crossed my mind!! I understand that I have to pay for my daughter & I always have done but the whole system is so wrong!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

i get a very generous £2.75 a week for my son as the csa havent looked into the fact that he is working on the side at 2 different jobs.......

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The C.S.A will not ask for a penny that your child doesn't need."

Hmmmm, well according to the CSA and my ex, they didn't seem to think that my son (now 16) needed anything until 6 months ago, despite me raising him single-handedly since he was 2. Now that he's 16, his father doesn't seem to think that he needs anythng despite still being in full-time education.

Surely, it takes two to make them, therefore even if only one parent is ultimately doing the 'raising' of said child, the financial responsibility should remain a joint 50:50 thing.

It's a fucked up system that says a grand total of £260 is supposed to provide for a child for over 14yrs. If only that's what it had cost me over the years.

It's amazing what the CSA thinks I can do with the £10 a week I've received from my ex for the past 6 months, even travel costs for college run to over £30 a week and that's without all the other 'necessary' stuff like feeding and clothing him, so based on my 50:50 principle, I should be able to provide EVERYTHING my son requires for the princely sum of £20 a week ... bloody ridiculous

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"i get a very generous £2.75 a week for my son as the csa havent looked into the fact that he is working on the side at 2 different jobs......."

£2.75 more than i ever got, never did i get a penny from him in 12 years.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can understand making sure your daughter is taken care of but fact your ex has made the choice to work part time isn't your fault. Must be nice to make that choice and know that the bills will still be paid by you

And before anyone says yes I know we are only hearing one side of the story so my opinion is based on what op side only

Thank you for your opinion!

I totally agree with you, she is just lazy & doesn't want to work, maybe I should work part time!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if your daughters dad doesnt have to pay any money, then why should anyone else have too. thats not fair.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i get a very generous £2.75 a week for my son as the csa havent looked into the fact that he is working on the side at 2 different jobs......."

Report him to the JobCentre or Tax Office. It's unlikely to get you any more money but at least he'll get some come-uppance

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

"i get a very generous £2.75 a week for my son as the csa havent looked into the fact that he is working on the side at 2 different jobs.......

£2.75 more than i ever got, never did i get a penny from him in 12 years.

oh its taken 10 years for me to get it lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

"i get a very generous £2.75 a week for my son as the csa havent looked into the fact that he is working on the side at 2 different jobs.......

Report him to the JobCentre or Tax Office. It's unlikely to get you any more money but at least he'll get some come-uppance

oh ive tried that but as its his friends that hes working for they cant seem to catch him out....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *illow PimpMan
over a year ago

Midlothian

My ex wife tried the csa threat then realised she'd be worse off, not once did she take into account our child only her own selfishness.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

You are missing the point O.P.

You are more concerned with being bitter about your wife and mud slinging at her than anything else.

The issue is your child.

It doesn't matter what your partner earns you remain responsible for your child.

Not ONE penny is for your wife.

C.S.A CHILD support CHILD support CHILD support.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rather than you now buying the things you do for her, i think the CSA will assume that's what the payment you make to your wife will do.

While i have heard some horror stories about the CSA, being asked to pay only 15% of your income to support your child does not sound harsh.

Do you assume that paying for her food, clothing etc would only be your ex-wifes responsibility and you would only be required to buy your daughter gifts to make her feel special?

Maybe your ex can only work part time because she is busy bringing up your child."

With all due respect you don't know the full facts. She's not busy looking after my child, my daughter is in school all day & comes to my house at least 3 nights per week. My ex palms her off with friends & family as much as she can so she can have a good social life spending my money!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

CSS are useless but unfortunately if you have a child then tough, you should understand that you gave both moral and financial obligations. To me, if the absent parent is working then it seems fair that you pay £50 per week for said child regardless of your income. And so what if your ex has decided to work part time, its bloody hard work raising a child on your own and going to work! I get the sum of £7 per week for my son because my ex is self employed and gets his accountants to fiddle the books! Man up, grow some kahonas and do the right thing because your daughter will have respect for you when she is older!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"CSS are useless but unfortunately if you have a child then tough, you should understand that you gave both moral and financial obligations. To me, if the absent parent is working then it seems fair that you pay £50 per week for said child regardless of your income. And so what if your ex has decided to work part time, its bloody hard work raising a child on your own and going to work! I get the sum of £7 per week for my son because my ex is self employed and gets his accountants to fiddle the books! Man up, grow some kahonas and do the right thing because your daughter will have respect for you when she is older!"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never had a penny off my ex husband who is father to my elder children, i don't get any money off my other ex who is father to my toddlers. I've had numerous conversations with the CSA yet they has done nothing for me.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Rather than you now buying the things you do for her, i think the CSA will assume that's what the payment you make to your wife will do.

While i have heard some horror stories about the CSA, being asked to pay only 15% of your income to support your child does not sound harsh.

Do you assume that paying for her food, clothing etc would only be your ex-wifes responsibility and you would only be required to buy your daughter gifts to make her feel special?

Maybe your ex can only work part time because she is busy bringing up your child.

When you calm down.

When you stop hating.

When you stop feeling badly done to.

When you stop the self pity.

Have a look at what your daughter needs.

Stop focussing on your wife. Pay for your child.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if your daughter is at your house 3 nights per week then that is shared responsibility and payments should be adjusted accordingly. However to say that as your daughter is at school everyday, your wife is not looking after get full time?? Seriously, grow up!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I'm afraid to say that the C.S.A were life-savers for us when my Dad had an affair and left us...

Despite earning about £15,000 more than my Mum, he seemed to think his only duty to us was to give me and ONE of my sisters (bear in mind there were 4 of us) £10 every fortnight and nothing towards my Mum to feed, clothe us, or help towards any other bills.

After multiple attempts of trying to sit him down and come to a mutual agreement of what he could pay towards our up-keep, he decided that he had no interest in discussing it and my Mum struggled on for about a year before she eventually decided she HAD to get the C.S.A involved - Who obviously made him pay a lot more than my Mum was asking for (Doh!).

And no, he wasn't struggling. - Mr 3 holidays a year with his new family. Never took us on any of those either.

We still had hiccups with him "going on sick leave" and instead doing other jobs that paid in cash to avoid paying child maintenance, but eventually he majorly fucked himself over and now has nothing and nobody.

He has tried a lot of stuff since to get back at my Mum, but yet he wonders why we now want nothing to do with him.

But yeah, if we didn't have the C.S.A to turn to, I don't know WHAT we would've done as, at some point, we nearly lost the house.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

aaaaasghhh, just read your post again. She's having a good social life spending your money??? Why is it your money she is spending on her social activities. She earns a wage and is no doubt receiving tax credits so that is her money to spend!!! Do you never ever go out then? Actually you probably dont, I'm guessing you sit in night after night counting your money by candlelight whilst wearing fingerless gloves!! Wrong post for here as I'm guessing there are a lot of single mothers on here!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

........ and with all due respect I hate threads like this because it is one side of a story... and looks skewed because of the venom you feel for ex.....

I'm sorry, but 15% doesn't sound that bad to me....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Glad you're okay xxx

Sorry he put all his effort into getting at your mum and not supporting you.

'His loss' are words that don't help I'm sure but thanks for being brave enough to share that xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"aaaaasghhh, just read your post again. She's having a good social life spending your money??? Why is it your money she is spending on her social activities. She earns a wage and is no doubt receiving tax credits so that is her money to spend!!! Do you never ever go out then? Actually you probably dont, I'm guessing you sit in night after night counting your money by candlelight whilst wearing fingerless gloves!! Wrong post for here as I'm guessing there are a lot of single mothers on here!"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

That was to Vince n Amy

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

15%?.....you are moaning about having to pay just 15% of your income in order to support YOUR child?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

she may have reduced her hours to cope being a single part and providing 24 hour care to the wee one. I doubt it will be to shop in Bond Street

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

N'aww, thanks, Granny-Crumpet. "His loss" actually sums it up true and proper, it's his own fault.

Ah well, fancy a cuppa?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

Poor choice of person to father your child then?

Every action in life has a consequence

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

15% really I will have to contact the csa then as I have never received a penny for my two girls. 15 years of doing it all alone and single mums get slated and put down shocking x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"15%?.....you are moaning about having to pay just 15% of your income in order to support YOUR child?"

I don't think the op has any problem at all supporting his child what parent would? I think the op has a problem with the mother who is seeing this as a free meal ticket so to speak ?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have to work to support our children. Depending on how old said children are I can understand if they are younger and she wants to stay at home but if they are at school age then there is no excuse not to work I can also understand if she has lost her job or inbetween jobs to help out with a little extra.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my god, "poor choice of person to father your child". Unfortunately you just cant tell that a few men will turn out to be complete bastards! Now if my ex had said to me, "although I'm going to marry you and ask if we can start a family but then 2 months after the wedding and after finding out your pregnant, I'm suddenly going to turn round and tell you I've changed my mind and i don't really want to be married or be a father" then maybe i would have thought twice about marrying him and getting pregnant. But alas he didn't inform me until after!! Poor choice maybe but believe me, i didn't see that one coming!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Poor choice of person to father your child then?

very true. like my mum said to me when i got pregnant at 17, you made your bed, now you have to lay in it.

Every action in life has a consequence"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"Poor choice of person to father your child then?

Every action in life has a consequence"

So does having a child with ANYONE.

People change and it's not like they come with a written CV that says they're going to turn into assholes.

My Mum had been with my Dad since their teen years and it shocked EVERYBODY that he changed the way he did.

Unless you'te shagging a person who already has kids all over the place, smokes every day and has never worked a day in their life, there isn't exactly any clear inclination that that they're going to turn around and fuck you over. x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

she is not working, she has cut her hours to possibly spend more time with her child. Am not a parent but I would imagine from 12 years onwards will be a tough time for a parent because they start to rebel against things, maybe she wants to protect her from some temptations

just maybe

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i bet half the women moaning about payments on here got to keep the house and main custody of the child though. how much is that worth? the father often has to start from scratch in a little bedsit, whilst paying out cash to the ex who is sitting pretty in a house that was mainly provided byt he husband's income.

if you can't afford to pay upkeep for the child, let the other parent have the child.

but most won't do that, will they? Someone even posted up on this thread, "i have to pay for MY child...."

should that not be OUR child????? shows the selfish grab-everything attitude a lot of women have.

Sorry ifit sounds sexist, but I deal with the fallout from split parenting daily and in my many years' experience it is nearly always the mother who comes out of it financially better off, particularly if they get another bloke. They then also deny access to the child for the father. The system is heavily biased towards women

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she is not working, she has cut her hours to possibly spend more time with her child. "

sounds like that is a luxury she can't bloody afford though.

I'd love to spend more time with (insert x,y,z) here, but providing an income means i can't. That's life.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ursevampsWoman
over a year ago

bucks

do you have your daughter over your house over night as if you do that actually reduces the amount you have to pay it not a easy way out but works well you could pway apply for custdoy of daughter

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"she is not working, she has cut her hours to possibly spend more time with her child.

sounds like that is a luxury she can't bloody afford though.

I'd love to spend more time with (insert x,y,z) here, but providing an income means i can't. That's life."

she is not complaining, he is mentioning it. She may be happy to cut back on a lower income to spend that time

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know this subject is nothing to do with swinging but I just wanted to hear about your dealings with the child support agency (CSA).

I left my ex partner about two years ago when I found out she was having an affair. Since leaving I have always supported my 12 year old daughter & bought her anything that she needs.

My ex partner has now decided that she can't be arsed working full time anymore and has dropped her hours to part time. Shes now taken me to the CSA to subsidise her loss of income.

I'm absolutely furious, I have to work full time to survive & now I've got to pay her 15% of my wage!!!

The CSA don't take into account any rent/mortgage or debts you may have. This is now leaving my skint every month.

Surely this can't be fair, this system stinks!!!

Rant over... your _iews please.

Been through it all mate, very tough and unfair if you are a responsible parent, unfortunately there are too many non responsible partners who have fecked the system up,

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/09/12 12:01:36]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she is not working, she has cut her hours to possibly spend more time with her child.

sounds like that is a luxury she can't bloody afford though.

I'd love to spend more time with (insert x,y,z) here, but providing an income means i can't. That's life.

she is not complaining, he is mentioning it. She may be happy to cut back on a lower income to spend that time"

that's fine as long as she doesn't expect father to pay oout for her deciding to cut back

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You cant’ keep them you should not breed them SIMPLES

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"she is not working, she has cut her hours to possibly spend more time with her child.

sounds like that is a luxury she can't bloody afford though.

I'd love to spend more time with (insert x,y,z) here, but providing an income means i can't. That's life.

she is not complaining, he is mentioning it. She may be happy to cut back on a lower income to spend that time

that's fine as long as she doesn't expect father to pay oout for her deciding to cut back"

so far I read she is getting 15% as per the CSA criteria, not a penny more than their child is entitled to

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/09/12 12:07:13]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i read it as, "she was working part time, and dropped her hours, knowing that the CSA would fill the shortfall in income"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/09/12 12:08:13]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i get a very generous £2.75 a week for my son as the csa havent looked into the fact that he is working on the side at 2 different jobs......."
Reporthim greedy fooker you should get more.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i bet half the women moaning about payments on here got to keep the house and main custody of the child though. how much is that worth? the father often has to start from scratch in a little bedsit, whilst paying out cash to the ex who is sitting pretty in a house that was mainly provided byt he husband's income.

if you can't afford to pay upkeep for the child, let the other parent have the child.

but most won't do that, will they? Someone even posted up on this thread, "i have to pay for MY child...."

should that not be OUR child????? shows the selfish grab-everything attitude a lot of women have.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband payed £50 to each of his three kids every week for over ten years and clothed them...he did not begrudge paying once....but it did piss him off paying for her and drink habit and paying for her holidays abroard with her mates,while she sat on her arse all week on the social.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mate of mines husband had the opposite, he had to pay 100 a week to his ex.

What was not taken into account was he had 3 children with his wife a mortgage and was desperately trying to get business of the ground.

He ended up having a heart attack in the end.

On the other side my ex was told he had to pay 5p per fortnight for 2 children via the courts when we divorced as he suddenly didn't have a job.

When the CSA were asked to help they said they couldn't as there was already a court order.

My 2 eldest are 22 and 23.... he never did pay that 5p a fortnight either.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The system is biased towards the mother because they are more often than not the main cater. If the mother gets to live in the former marital home its for the sake of the children and usually there is an order that will state that once the child reaches 18 or the mother finds a new partner the house has to be sold. I absolutely loathe a y parent who uses their child as a pawn against the other, it gives us decent single moms a bad name, clearly!! Unfortunately we dont all end up "sitting pretty" in the house. I had a lovely house with .y ex but he managed to remortgage it and hide £80k so I've ended up living in a 2 bed housing association house with no prospect of ever affording my own home. Just as not all absent fathers are useless feckless fathers, not all single mothers are money grabbing bitches either!!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you can't afford to pay upkeep for the child, let the other parent have the child.

but most won't do that, will they? Someone even posted up on this thread, "i have to pay for MY child...."

should that not be OUR child????? shows the selfish grab-everything attitude a lot of women have.

The day I found out my husband was having an affair and asked him to leave was the day the mortgage his debts and his children became my sole responsibility.

He left the country to work and has never been back to see his kids, yes I got the house (and paid the mortgage) because I agreed to not claim half of his pension so I could keep the roof over my family's heads.

I got no money, no upkeep, no CSA as he was living out of the UK.

Don't you dare make out that most women

are grasping harpies that are out to ruin their men's lives.

I was abused, cheated on and abandoned after 20 years of supporting my husband, always working to bring in my own wage to the 'pot'

My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you can't afford to pay upkeep for the child, let the other parent have the child.

but most won't do that, will they? Someone even posted up on this thread, "i have to pay for MY child...."

should that not be OUR child????? shows the selfish grab-everything attitude a lot of women have.

The day I found out my husband was having an affair and asked him to leave was the day the mortgage his debts and his children became my sole responsibility.

I got no money, no upkeep, no CSA as he was living out of the UK.

Don't you dare make out that most women

are grasping harpies that are out to ruin their men's lives.

I was abused, cheated on and abandoned after 20 years of supporting my husband, always working to bring in my own wage to the 'pot'

My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman."

I have so much respect for you!!xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you sexy novice.

I just wonder how many other women are 'sitting pretty' in their homes with their children, no man around, because he got caught hanging out the back of another woman.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

15% will not pay for all your Childs needs AND a great social life for your ex. If it does, you must be on a huge wage and really shouldn't miss it.

Its 15%, that is all. Even if we don't know all the facts, how the hell can you begrudge 15% for your child? If you think that after paying for your share of your child that she will have loads of spare cash, then you really show that you are oblivious to how much a child costs to bring up.

15%... That leaves you 85% to do what the hell you want with. Just a shame that you appear to think that they are things more deserving of your money than your daughter.

having brought up two kids, i can assure you that 15% does not even start to cover the costs.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats not how CSA work it out, it goes by how many children you have and how much YOU earn, not what your wife earns. I speak from experience with my ex. Any shortfall in her income by reducing her hours will be worked out in tax credits and would not affect how much you pay

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you sexy novice.

I just wonder how many other women are 'sitting pretty' in their homes with their children, no man around, because he got caught hanging out the back of another woman.

Very well said

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats not how CSA work it out, it goes by how many children you have and how much YOU earn, not what your wife earns. I speak from experience with my ex. Any shortfall in her income by reducing her hours will be worked out in tax credits and would not affect how much you pay"

Wrong!! ALL incomes are taken into account when calculating csa!!

You must work 16 hours or more (if a single mother) to recieve tax credits, 30 hours or more (if a single father)!!

Hence, if the ops ex has reduced her hours to say, 15, then obviously he is going to be made to make up the shortfall by the csa!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

"The C.S.A is called the Child Support Agency.

They will not charge you for having an idle ex wife.

Stop putting up fallacies and pay for your child's upkeep.

Thank you for asking for my opinion.

The C.S.A will not ask for a penny that your child doesn't need.

God I have been so careful in this response.... "

your having a laugh right?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The C.S.A is called the Child Support Agency.

They will not charge you for having an idle ex wife.

Stop putting up fallacies and pay for your child's upkeep.

Thank you for asking for my opinion.

The C.S.A will not ask for a penny that your child doesn't need.

God I have been so careful in this response.... "

Hahahahaha! What a load of bollocks!

I'm guessing here you haven't had to deal with the csa?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

without reading all the responces i can tell you i am somewhat of an expert in the CSA. I have had more dealing and been to court more times than I care to remember.

first and foremost the money you pay doesnt really go to your child, it goes to all the other children who have non paying fathers, which i find totally unfair. In my last job I earnt well over £50k per year and was ordered to pay £480 per month, how can the upbringing of my child depend on my wages, would it cost less to clothe and feed him if i only earnt 20k? the simple anwer is no!

So the way around the CSA and there isnt a single thing they can do about it is to get a solicitor, take your ex to court and apply for joint custody or even a residency order.

I was granted joint custody, friday after school through till sunday evening. If you have your child 3 nights per week you do not have to pay any CSA to your ex.

If the split is for no other reason than seperation (no abuse etc) then the courts will almost certainly grant you joint custody.

Failing that give your job up and go self employed, it takes them years to catch up with you.

As you say you are providing already for your daughter, I strongly suggest that instead of buying clothes and goods etc, you give the money to your ex with a receipt book clearly highlighting the amount, date and purpose of the money you have given her.

This way when they do come knocking you can say your already providing.

Good luck with it all, the CSA stinks!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

the sad thing for me is people having to be ordered to pay the appropriate contribution

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know this subject is nothing to do with swinging but I just wanted to hear about your dealings with the child support agency (CSA).

I left my ex partner about two years ago when I found out she was having an affair. Since leaving I have always supported my 12 year old daughter & bought her anything that she needs.

the CSA are twats i am not allowed to see my daughter as her mother is an absolute thorough breed bastard lol so i have told them that i simply will not pay if i can not see my daughter. They make thoing difficult for pareents to get along after a split

My ex partner has now decided that she can't be arsed working full time anymore and has dropped her hours to part time. Shes now taken me to the CSA to subsidise her loss of income.

I'm absolutely furious, I have to work full time to survive & now I've got to pay her 15% of my wage!!!

The CSA don't take into account any rent/mortgage or debts you may have. This is now leaving my skint every month.

Surely this can't be fair, this system stinks!!!

Rant over... your _iews please.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"15%?.....you are moaning about having to pay just 15% of your income in order to support YOUR child?

I don't think the op has any problem at all supporting his child what parent would? I think the op has a problem with the mother who is seeing this as a free meal ticket so to speak ? "

Good speach!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

if you can't afford to pay upkeep for the child, let the other parent have the child.

but most won't do that, will they? Someone even posted up on this thread, "i have to pay for MY child...."

should that not be OUR child????? shows the selfish grab-everything attitude a lot of women have.

At last!! Someone who is talking some sense! Thanks for your support

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not when i was receiving it 5 years ago they didnt. When we split he had his own company and i worked for them. He was ordered to pay a set amount and then a few months later i lost my job with his company but the CSA didnt alter his payments just because i wasnt earning anymore. If you work less than 16 hours your child tax credit payments go up not CSA payments. They only increased his payments when they found he was taking large bonus payments on a regular basis

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"N'aww, thanks, Granny-Crumpet. "His loss" actually sums it up true and proper, it's his own fault.

Ah well, fancy a cuppa?

Yes please and a custard cream.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

" You are missing the point O.P.

You are more concerned with being bitter about your wife and mud slinging at her than anything else.

The issue is your child.

It doesn't matter what your partner earns you remain responsible for your child.

Not ONE penny is for your wife.

C.S.A CHILD support CHILD support CHILD support. "

did you miss the part in the op where he said he is "providing for his daughter and always has"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personnaly I think the CSA is bloody brilliant!!

They managed to get my daughter "father" to agree to a DNA test, that id been trying to get him to have for 14yrs....

I turned to the CSA finally as it was important to my daughter to know who her "father" was. He has denied her since she was born

Thanks to the CSA he now pays £53 a week, all of which i hand over to my daughter, i managed without his help for 14yrs, i certainly dont need it now.

And now after having been proved to be her "father" he still has made no contact and has no interest in getting to know her

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

You would think it was simple...... LOOK.

Sometimes when partners split one of the partners gets more back than they have put in ....

The O.P. is NOT being asked to give money for his EX WIFE.

He has just introduced his EX WIFE into the argument for reasons known only to himself. Maybe for sympathy who knows.

The C.S.A ask for 15% for one child.

The money is for HIS CHILD. HIS CHILD. Cheap at the price.

Just leave the partner ( bitch or not ) out of the analysis.... the pittance is for HIS CHILD.

If the shoe was on the other foot and the man had the child and the woman was working the C.S.A ask the mother for money too .... Get off your sexist high horses ffs..... it's HIS CHILD.

See below.

ew Style Calculation (after 3rd March 2003)

1. Determine your income. This is your gross pay less Tax, NI and all pension scheme contributions.

2. Determine how many children live with you, your net income is then reduced by 15% for one child living with you, 20% for two and 25% for three or more.

3. Apply the basic child support calculation - 15% of net pay (after deduction for any children living with you) for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three or more.

4. Calculate and reduce by any amount of shared care. Shared care is calculated by determining the number of nights for any of the children for whom you are paying child support stays with you. If one of your children stays with you below 52 nights per annum (less than 1 night per week) the amount of child support is unchanged. If the amount of contact is between 52 and 103 nights per annum (1 to 2 nights per week) child support is reduced by one-seventh. If the child stays with you between 104 to 155 nights per annum the amount of child support is reduced by two-sevenths, if the contact amounts between 156 and 174 nights per annum the figure is reduced the three-sevenths. Contact in excess of 175 nights per annum reduces the child support figure by 50% since in effect the child spends as much time with you as with the parent with care. Furthermore in that kind of case an additional £7.00 for each child for whom you are paying child support is deducted provided they qualify by staying with you in excess of 175 nights per annum.

What should be noted here is that the new system does not include any enquiry into parent with cares earnings or indeed (if you have one) your current partners earnings. Furthermore, all children that live with you are taken into account, even if you are not the natural non-resident parent, for instance if they are your stepchildren.

Theoretically in most cases these calculations should be very simple, if you are living on your own you will pay 15% for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three or more. Complications arise where there is shared care, another child living with you or where you have more than one child by more than one ex, most particularly if you see the different children by different mothers for different periods of time qualifying therefore for different elements of shared care.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

if you can't afford to pay upkeep for the child, let the other parent have the child.

but most won't do that, will they? Someone even posted up on this thread, "i have to pay for MY child...."

should that not be OUR child????? shows the selfish grab-everything attitude a lot of women have.

At last!! Someone who is talking some sense! Thanks for your support

so everybody who agrees with you is speaking sense .

I have never doubted your commitment to your child, but I feel 15% is fair.

all the best

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *exki11enWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"i get a very generous £2.75 a week for my son as the csa havent looked into the fact that he is working on the side at 2 different jobs.......

£2.75 more than i ever got, never did i get a penny from him in 12 years.

That doesn't make it right.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

if you can't afford to pay upkeep for the child, let the other parent have the child.

but most won't do that, will they? Someone even posted up on this thread, "i have to pay for MY child...."

should that not be OUR child????? shows the selfish grab-everything attitude a lot of women have.

total crap!! my son and i were the ones left to start again after he kept the family home ...which we had both paid for equally.i went for 10 years without a penny from him and all my son has ever had is a rubbish xmas and birthday present every year, he hasnt seen his dad in 12 years even after i have asked through my ex inlaws (who are still very much a part of my sons life)for him to at least contact him...his answer was "im waiting for him to be old enough to understand" i have worked sometimes 12 hour days 7 days a week to give "my" son everything he needs and if it wasnt for my familys support i dont know how i would have managed so as far as im concerned yes he is "my" son...i have never denied him access and even now i never would as my son is the important one in all this

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"i get a very generous £2.75 a week for my son as the csa havent looked into the fact that he is working on the side at 2 different jobs.......

£2.75 more than i ever got, never did i get a penny from him in 12 years.

That doesn't make it right.

Youve lost me on that one, where did anyone say it was right?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"without reading all the responces i can tell you i am somewhat of an expert in the CSA. I have had more dealing and been to court more times than I care to remember.

So the way around the CSA and there isnt a single thing they can do about it is to get a solicitor, take your ex to court and apply for joint custody or even a residency order.

I was granted joint custody, friday after school through till sunday evening. If you have your child 3 nights per week you do not have to pay any CSA to your ex.

If the split is for no other reason than seperation (no abuse etc) then the courts will almost certainly grant you joint custody.

Failing that give your job up and go self employed, it takes them years to catch up with you.

This way when they do come knocking you can say your already providing.

Good luck with it all, the CSA stinks!"

Wow reading this has really given me food for thought thank you I have my child over these nights you have said I just want what's best for the best thing in my life which is my daughter

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The C.S.A is called the Child Support Agency.

They will not charge you for having an idle ex wife.

Stop putting up fallacies and pay for your child's upkeep.

Thank you for asking for my opinion.

The C.S.A will not ask for a penny that your child doesn't need.

God I have been so careful in this response.... "

Ignore this person as she has no idea what she's talking about! And obviously thinks all men don't care for their children if they have an opinion on the csa. For over a decade this government and the previous one has tried to amend loopholes that basically hamstring the male partner and fail to account for the money needs for himself but also the clothes and other things he may buy when the child is with him. I do politics at uni and this csa bill is a major problem so ignore her

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The c s a is useless. The assessments not fair. They don't actually end up helping the child at all. It should be 15% of disposable income. As I know many guys that were still paying for previous debts that were joint.

Parents should not use kids as a way to score points. And all that happens is that the money is taken from the other parent and they then have less to do things with the child.

And heaven help you if you get a new family as that's not taken into account. I had a ten year battle with csa over my ex partners wages. As they took my tax credits into account. So I ended up taking money from my kids to pay for his kids because the mums couldn't be bothered to work. What was worse was at one point we had the boys with us and they didn't stop the assessments.

I can't wait for it to be scraped. If the father is paying then the mother shouldn't be greedy.

Cali

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My partner stopped the CSA hounding him by getting the family allowance for his child paid to him as he had him stay with him more often.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman."

Was that his choice or yours?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Poor choice of person to father your child then?

Every action in life has a consequence"

How do you know it is the right choice? Do people not change ? Do people not fall out of love? Does that make the dad a poor choice because of one of those reasons?

( not talking about the personal reasons of the person you quoted but just generaly)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The C.S.A is called the Child Support Agency.

They will not charge you for having an idle ex wife.

Stop putting up fallacies and pay for your child's upkeep.

Thank you for asking for my opinion.

The C.S.A will not ask for a penny that your child doesn't need.

God I have been so careful in this response....

Perfectly well educated response, and stunning lol kettles on xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

To the OP can I ask questions before I answer.

Can I ask how you were supporting your daughter? was it odd amounts or a set amount every week paid to the mother to help with costs for the childs home etc??

Did the wife drop down to part time on her own accord, and if so was there a reason for that?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

my ex pays £160 a week for his daughter and I had to go through CSA it is approx 15% of your income, it dont matter about your rent/mortgage bills etc its providing for your child after all it takes two to bring a child into the world so both should share the responsibility

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *weet DevilMan
over a year ago

dukinfield

the child surport agency is no more !!!

its now the child maintenance agency !

with wider ranging powers such as taking your driving licnece and passport off you for non payment

you have a child you have a responsibility to pay for it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You would think it was simple...... LOOK.

Sometimes when partners split one of the partners gets more back than they have put in ....

The O.P. is NOT being asked to give money for his EX WIFE.

He has just introduced his EX WIFE into the argument for reasons known only to himself. Maybe for sympathy who knows.

The C.S.A ask for 15% for one child.

The money is for HIS CHILD. HIS CHILD. Cheap at the price.

Just leave the partner ( bitch or not ) out of the analysis.... the pittance is for HIS CHILD.

If the shoe was on the other foot and the man had the child and the woman was working the C.S.A ask the mother for money too .... Get off your sexist high horses ffs..... it's HIS CHILD.

See below.

ew Style Calculation (after 3rd March 2003)

1. Determine your income. This is your gross pay less Tax, NI and all pension scheme contributions.

2. Determine how many children live with you, your net income is then reduced by 15% for one child living with you, 20% for two and 25% for three or more.

3. Apply the basic child support calculation - 15% of net pay (after deduction for any children living with you) for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three or more.

Totally agree in principle with you , but your breakdown off c.s.a is outdated, new legislation came in in oct 2011 and is due to be changed again in 2013 , also the c.s.a is defunct now having been renamed, can't remember it's name lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i had the same and what getting me is that the mums milk it till the cows go home what i did was give up my job and i got bru money and she got £5 a week from that, but i told her i would pay cost for my son but i had to live as well, she dropped the csa clam and we had a agreement to pay her money and go half on any thing the wean needed and it has work out better and even if i am not working i still pay the money, but you kid come 1st and i have my wean 3 days a week.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ilandlarryCouple
over a year ago

more north lincs than mids!

"i had the same and what getting me is that the mums milk it till the cows go home what i did was give up my job and i got bru money and she got £5 a week from that, but i told her i would pay cost for my son but i had to live as well, she dropped the csa clam and we had a agreement to pay her money and go half on any thing the wean needed and it has work out better and even if i am not working i still pay the money, but you kid come 1st and i have my wean 3 days a week.

your child comes first so you gave up your job to claim benefits. That's benefiting your child how?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman.

Was that his choice or yours?"

His, he left them when he left me, my last words to him were please keep in touch with the kids.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

my daughter dad only sees her when its suitable to him and its was almost 12 months since she saw him last, but he still has a responsibility to her... he is still her dad but in time she will not be bothered about him as he cant even call her or keep in touch only when he wants too..... that little saying... out of sight out of mind is so very very true

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"The C.S.A is called the Child Support Agency.

They will not charge you for having an idle ex wife.

Stop putting up fallacies and pay for your child's upkeep.

Thank you for asking for my opinion.

The C.S.A will not ask for a penny that your child doesn't need.

God I have been so careful in this response....

When your uni does the , ' How to formulate a balanced argument based on the available facts' element of your course - be sure to be on it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"You would think it was simple...... LOOK.

Sometimes when partners split one of the partners gets more back than they have put in ....

The O.P. is NOT being asked to give money for his EX WIFE.

He has just introduced his EX WIFE into the argument for reasons known only to himself. Maybe for sympathy who knows.

The C.S.A ask for 15% for one child.

The money is for HIS CHILD. HIS CHILD. Cheap at the price.

Just leave the partner ( bitch or not ) out of the analysis.... the pittance is for HIS CHILD.

If the shoe was on the other foot and the man had the child and the woman was working the C.S.A ask the mother for money too .... Get off your sexist high horses ffs..... it's HIS CHILD.

See below.

ew Style Calculation (after 3rd March 2003)

1. Determine your income. This is your gross pay less Tax, NI and all pension scheme contributions.

2. Determine how many children live with you, your net income is then reduced by 15% for one child living with you, 20% for two and 25% for three or more.

3. Apply the basic child support calculation - 15% of net pay (after deduction for any children living with you) for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three or more.

Ta .. I'll look for it later

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman.

Was that his choice or yours?

His, he left them when he left me, my last words to him were please keep in touch with the kids."

Thank god for that, I thought for a minute you meant you were one of those bitter women who stopped him seeing the kids because he shagged someone else and I had you down as someone who had their kids best interest at heart, no matter why a split happened.

I am glad I was right

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *umsuckMan
over a year ago

Gateshead

One thing that annoyed me was that there was a time,through no fault of hers my ex found herself unemployed for a while. During that time whatever I paid was deducted from her benefits. Now I know that people can't expect full benefits when they have another source of income but I felt that I wasn't actually contributing to the upkeep of our daughter but to fill goverment coffers.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is 15% of your take home minus 1/7 of the 15% pernight that your child sleeps over at yours per week.

I had dealing with CSA fir many years and they a pain in the arse!

I had no problem supporting my child but the system is unfair.

I was paying £30 per wk having my child and he was staying3/4 nights per wk. I paid for all of the clothes that were needed at my house , half towards school trips and activities . My child would come to mine wearing hand me downs.

The ex managed to find the money for a holiday a year and once went to the other side of the world ( shame she never stayed there

The system should have some kind of voucher system to ensure the money goes to the child and not the parents life style!!

Oh and she was the one sleeping around for years.

I don't believe the system is fair?????

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"I thought for a minute you meant you were one of those bitter women who stopped him seeing the kids because he shagged someone else"

Reading through the thread, certain posts contain anger / bitterness, justifiable or not, I hope NO child is used as a pawn between parents.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a lots of mums do that just to get back at the dads and it not only hurts the one that it is done too but also the kids

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Doesn't seem to be much different now

C.M.E.C = Child Maintenance Enforcement Commission.

There are 4 rates based on net weekly income. Net is gross minus: Income tax, National Insurance and Pension:

Basic rate: income £200 - £2,000: 1 child 15% of net, 2 children 20% of net, 3+ children 25% of net. Allowances for other children that the NRP may be responsible for.

Reduced rate: income £100 - £200: £5 + a proportion of the income above £100: 1 child 25%, 2 children 35%, 3+ children 45%. Also allowances for other children.

Flat rate: income £5 - £100: £5 no matter how many children there are.

Nil rate: income less that £5: nothing to pay.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside

"... also the c.s.a is defunct now having been renamed, can't remember it's name lol"

It's still the CSA, that's how you can't remember its new name!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

"One thing that annoyed me was that there was a time,through no fault of hers my ex found herself unemployed for a while. During that time whatever I paid was deducted from her benefits. Now I know that people can't expect full benefits when they have another source of income but I felt that I wasn't actually contributing to the upkeep of our daughter but to fill goverment coffers. "

exactly what i said, child maintenance that fathers pay subsidises non paying farthers.

as i said I have 1 child, my ex got pregnant and promptly binned me before moving into a council house on her own. I was on 50k per year at prudential and paying the best part of £500 a month to the CSA. As my ex had given her job up she received very little of the £500 a month i paid. This shows that the cost of bringing up a child does not in any way bare any resemblance of fact to 15% of a mans wages, its just their standard practice.

i did this for a few months before deciding i was better off myself self employed, i always have (after going through court) had my son 3 nights per week, pretty much all the school holidays and i take him away for a fortnight every year without fail. I think i more than provide for my own son but am i fuckers like going to pay for every chunt elses!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"... also the c.s.a is defunct now having been renamed, can't remember it's name lol

It's still the CSA, that's how you can't remember its new name!

C.M.E.C ?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside

"... also the c.s.a is defunct now having been renamed, can't remember it's name lol

It's still the CSA, that's how you can't remember its new name!

C.M.E.C ?"

Not C.M.E.C. well not when I phoned them on Friday, still CSA.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman.

Was that his choice or yours?

His, he left them when he left me, my last words to him were please keep in touch with the kids.

I am glad I was right

My children are my life, my daughter attempted suicide because he had forgotten all about her birthday, all she had was a few postcards telling her how much he enjoyed living/touring New Zealand.

She stood with me in the supermarkets waiting for the reduced goods to hit the shelves and thought how life was so unfair and didn't he care about her or her brother.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Poor choice of person to father your child then?

Every action in life has a consequence"

One of the most shocking statements I've seen on the forums and I've seen some crackers!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"... also the c.s.a is defunct now having been renamed, can't remember it's name lol

It's still the CSA, that's how you can't remember its new name!

C.M.E.C ?"

Bloody Hell .... it's changing again !

It's CMS.....from 2012.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

to enlighten you all aswell, although the CSA has changed its name, the enforcements from 2011 and previous (commonly knows as CSA 1 and CSA 2) will still apply to when the child was born or the case opened.

so the new regime only includes new borns and new cases. so if anyone has csa issues already you are stuck with the existing agreement unless you get joint custody.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when my ex fucked off i had to fight to see my son who was only 6 mts old and i did not give in and paid a lot of money and she got all court cost free and she was working and making more money then me buy cause i was the dad had to pay more but at the end of the day i got to see my son and love every min i have with him

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"... also the c.s.a is defunct now having been renamed, can't remember it's name lol

It's still the CSA, that's how you can't remember its new name!

C.M.E.C ?

Not C.M.E.C. well not when I phoned them on Friday, still CSA.

Just read it's CMS from 2012. Child Maintenace System.

No wonder no one can keep up.

Makes no odds tho ..... the 15% is for the child.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

when i met my now ex wife she already had one child from another partner who paid nothing to her up keep .we susequently had our own chlid together altough we were unable to live together at that time due to finances i then maid the mistake og being honest with the csa more fool me and provided them with all my deltails etc only to find them taking nearly half what i earned per month this was handed to the mother but at the same time her benefits were cut to exactly the same amount so she was no better off meanwhile her ex partner who was earning three times what i was eraning paid nothing at all despite the csa having all his details as he chose to ignore them .

after we married and i was providng for both the children and my now wife seased claiming bennefits the csa were no longer interested in persueing him for the cash and to this day he has paib zero to the up keep of this child .

after ninteen years together we divorsed and came to an amicable agree re payment for the kids which i happily paid as i could afford it at the time . lost my job and can subsequently am on minimum wage so struggling just to keep my self sca contact me and make an assesment and tell me i must pay £70 per week for my two remaining chlidren under 19 this is proving difficult as the only work i can find is agency work which means sometimes in fact most of the time i only earn £ 130 a week

now tell me that is fair .

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

existing agreement unless you get joint custody.

this only happens when the kid is born after 2006 and the mum all ways win in count and what you said about joint is a lot of shite as i was told on paper work yes but in life no

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

now tell me that is fair ."

why did you have a child if you were living apart due to finances ?

I know it is choice but surely there is some planning

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 16/09/12 15:43:19]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside

"... also the c.s.a is defunct now having been renamed, can't remember it's name lol

It's still the CSA, that's how you can't remember its new name!

C.M.E.C ?

Not C.M.E.C. well not when I phoned them on Friday, still CSA.

Just read it's CMS from 2012. Child Maintenace System.

No wonder no one can keep up.

Makes no odds tho ..... the 15% is for the child."

Yup C.M.E.C. seems to be the Commission that was set up to look into the CSA and decide it was to change its name from CSA to CMS

(still the CSA just now though)

I'm presuming/ hoping they did more than that

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

if you can't afford to pay upkeep for the child, let the other parent have the child.

but most won't do that, will they? Someone even posted up on this thread, "i have to pay for MY child...."

should that not be OUR child????? shows the selfish grab-everything attitude a lot of women have.

Well here's one woman who isn't sitting pretty in the house we BOTH paid towards. He kept the house, car and everything we had built up together over the years. I left with a bag full of clothes, between me and my son. I was homeless and I couldn't even get a room at any local women's refuges.

In 8 years of being apart, I never got a penny off him and when they did, he went self employed and they couldn't get a penny from him then.

In my experience, the csa suck at what they do

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

now tell me that is fair .

why did you have a child if you were living apart due to finances ?

I know it is choice but surely there is some planning"

So in a perfect world you would have children with both parents no divorces no single parents and all of which are financially stable and can support there own children If only life could be that wonderful in those rose tinted glasses.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

"existing agreement unless you get joint custody.

this only happens when the kid is born after 2006 and the mum all ways win in count and what you said about joint is a lot of shite as i was told on paper work yes but in life no "

sorry i dont really understand any of that, but i think in there you said the women always wins in court! if so i think you are so narrow minded its untrue.

the person with the most money gets the best solicitor, and wins, FACT.

joking aside the courts dont I repeat DONT always side with the women, they dont give a flying about that, they have the childs best interest when making thier evaluation.

finally the joint custody thing is not for children born after 2006, thats the new bill passed, joint custody is exactly that, joint custody and going back as far as CSA 1 there are deductions for joint custodial parents in the assessments

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

do what i do take 15% of your wage packet and put it in a secure bank acount in your daughter's name for her to use when she turns 18 that way she gets it and not your ex i had to do this becuase my kids never got a penny spent on them the ex would use it to go to the pub with her mates

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

"to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

now tell me that is fair .

why did you have a child if you were living apart due to finances ?

I know it is choice but surely there is some planning"

because she fell pregnant whilst on the pill my son wasnt planned but i take my responsability to him seriousley and still do as i did with our other child as i adopted her as her so called father wasnt interested untill she had our granson two years ago now hes mr uber grandad

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

now tell me that is fair .

why did you have a child if you were living apart due to finances ?

I know it is choice but surely there is some planning

hardly........ but you meet someone new, you are in love, they have a child... you decide you are going to make a life together.... however you can't afford to live together but can afford to bring a child into this world that you are going to have to support for the next 18 years...

that's my point so it is not rose tinted glasses..... just responsibility, financial planning and maybe spunking into a condom for a while.

it ain't rocket science and well you know it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

"do what i do take 15% of your wage packet and put it in a secure bank acount in your daughter's name for her to use when she turns 18 that way she gets it and not your ex i had to do this becuase my kids never got a penny spent on them the ex would use it to go to the pub with her mates

great idea in principle.

however the only problem with that is the csa can still enforce a further payment according to wages, the bank account is a reasonable idea if both parties agree.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

now tell me that is fair .

why did you have a child if you were living apart due to finances ?

I know it is choice but surely there is some planning

thank you.. i appreciate that.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

now tell me that is fair .

why did you have a child if you were living apart due to finances ?

I know it is choice but surely there is some planning

that's my point so it is not rose tinted glasses..... just responsibility, financial planning and maybe spunking into a condom for a while.

it ain't rocket science and well you know it"

Ah well I was a single mum at 19 fell pregnant on the pill. Accidents happen so in that case should I abort the baby because I could'nt afford to raise her and seeked shock horror benifits.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'm pregnant ! Which one of you is the mother ??

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

now tell me that is fair .

why did you have a child if you were living apart due to finances ?

I know it is choice but surely there is some planning

that's my point so it is not rose tinted glasses..... just responsibility, financial planning and maybe spunking into a condom for a while.

it ain't rocket science and well you know it

Ah well I was a single mum at 19 fell pregnant on the pill. Accidents happen so in that case should I abort the baby because I could'nt afford to raise her and seeked shock horror benifits."

no the baby's father supports you and YOU BOTH support the child you created to the best of your ability and the state support if genuine unemployment, ill health..... and responsibility is taken

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/09/12 16:01:57]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"to add to this the sca is nothing to do with supporting the child and all to do with cutting back benefits to single parents that is what it was originaly set up fpor under the thatcher govt .

now tell me that is fair .

why did you have a child if you were living apart due to finances ?

I know it is choice but surely there is some planning

that's my point so it is not rose tinted glasses..... just responsibility, financial planning and maybe spunking into a condom for a while.

it ain't rocket science and well you know it

Ah well I was a single mum at 19 fell pregnant on the pill. Accidents happen so in that case should I abort the baby because I could'nt afford to raise her and seeked shock horror benifits.

no the baby's father supports you and YOU BOTH support the child you created to the best of your ability and the state support if genuine unemployment, ill health..... and responsibility is taken

And if said father walked away oh for say 15 years x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

that is what the thread is about..... the CSA try their best to ensure the father pays his appropriate contribution.....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ilandlarryCouple
over a year ago

more north lincs than mids!

My daughter's father walked out of our lives when I was approx 3 months pregnant.

Heard from him just as she turned a year old. Said that he wanted to give her £20 a week in clothes and toys a week which I politely declined as no child needs that amount spent on clothes and toys a week. I pointed out that she had a bank account he could pay the £20 a week into for her to benefit from at a later date to which he scoffed at me and told me no way.

To date, MY daughter hasn't received a penny from him. She is now 11. She has never met her father, and never asks about him. I have never bad mouthed him in her presence and never will do.

I brought my daughter up to be a kind, funny, intelligent, hard working young lady who excels at school work etc.

I don't need his money, I worked to provide for my daughter and have even had the luxury of being able to take her abroad for several holidays including Florida.

Yes, we made a child together but he backed out of his commitment when he refused to acknowledge my daughter was his and then failed to provide for her.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

for the record I agree accidents happen but it is the father's responsibility to wear a condom if he doesn't want to produce a child and rely solely on the lady being on the pill, patch, coil or whatever

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

what frustrates me is people (especially women in most cases receiving the money) say the csa is there for the farthers to provide for the children, infact it isnt, its there for the farthers TO HELP provide for the children.

Absent fathers always get the "oh it takes 2 to tango" and you should provide.

but when the female cannot be bothered to work why should the male provide everything.

As said before a CSA payment goes to the csa and not the parent (on benefits)

the father should match the mothers payments towards the child.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ilandlarryCouple
over a year ago

more north lincs than mids!

Forgot to say, tried to go down the CSA route and got absolutely nowhere. By that time, he was living with someone else who had a child and apparently her child was more entitled to his money than his own.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Forgot to say, tried to go down the CSA route and got absolutely nowhere. By that time, he was living with someone else who had a child and apparently her child was more entitled to his money than his own."

and that is so wrong..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"but when the female cannot be bothered to work why should the male provide everything"

Be it single father's or mother's, it's not difficult to give children the best, as in this comment:

" I worked to provide for my daughter and have even had the luxury of being able to take her abroad for several holidays including Florida"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My daughter's father walked out of our lives when I was approx 3 months pregnant.

To date, MY daughter hasn't received a penny from him. She is now 11. She has never met her father, and never asks about him. I have never bad mouthed him in her presence and never will do.

I brought my daughter up to be a kind, funny, intelligent, hard working young lady who excels at school work etc.

I don't need his money, I worked to provide for my daughter and have even had the luxury of being able to take her abroad for several holidays including Florida.

Yes, we made a child together but he backed out of his commitment when he refused to acknowledge my daughter was his and then failed to provide for her."

+1 where is the hand clap smilie x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm pregnant ! Which one of you is the mother ??

I reckon it's View, he looks like he has cock bearing hips.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I'm pregnant ! Which one of you is the mother ??

I reckon it's View, he looks like he has cock bearing hips.

ffs, not me.... I couldn't cope with a child, I am one

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nope Rich has to send bank statments to the csa every 3 months to prove he is still depositing the money

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is irrelevant if the guy left or the woman had an affair - the kids remain their joint responsibility.

Any guy moaning about paying 15% of his net income towards his childs clearly can't remember just how much of his income he used to spend on the child when he lived with the mother.

It is a fact of life that men generally will rebound faster and further from a divorce and will ultimately be financially better off. Unfortunately, the rebound only starts when they remember to forget the bitterness against the ex and concentrate on moving on whilst still supporting the child (or children). Hanging on to the past and being full of rage just holds them back and is a pointless and negative emotion.

This thread is full of bitter ex's - of both sexes, whilst the CSA just apply logic without the emotion to make sure the cild is supported.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"It is irrelevant if the guy left or the woman had an affair - the kids remain their joint responsibility.

Any guy moaning about paying 15% of his net income towards his childs clearly can't remember just how much of his income he used to spend on the child when he lived with the mother.

This thread is full of bitter ex's - of both sexes, whilst the CSA just apply logic without the emotion to make sure the cild is supported."

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ilandlarryCouple
over a year ago

more north lincs than mids!

I'm not actually a "bitter ex" if that is even aimed at me.

I'm not the one missing out at all. I have moved on, i'm now married and have another child with my husband. We may not have all the money in the world but we are a loving family.

I was merely pointing out that if you are left "holding the baby" it doesn't mean the end of the world and while the CSA may not help you, you can help yourself.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I'm not actually a "bitter ex" if that is even aimed at me.

I'm not the one missing out at all. I have moved on, i'm now married and have another child with my husband. We may not have all the money in the world but we are a loving family.

I was merely pointing out that if you are left "holding the baby" it doesn't mean the end of the world and while the CSA may not help you, you can help yourself."

I agree you don't across that way, never have... you have owned your life Lil as long I have ever know you... and your happiness in life is evident.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

the point is that the CSA apply NO LOGIC!

if my son who lives with his mother costs lets say £100 per week to raise, feed and clothe, why should i pay £200 because i earn more and the extra £100 go to someone elses child who has an absent father?

surely the cost of raising a child (addmitedly different in every circumstance) is the same regardless of how much the parent earns?

so as for the CSa applying logic......nope!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eaboMan
over a year ago

marden

15% of the op's wages and he is moaning, get real ffs. How much do you think it costs to bring up YOUR child? My situation is somewhat different. My wife and i are seperated due to her infidelity. We still live in the same house, seperate bedrooms and lives, but the two young boys who are the product of her shenanigans both have my name, both call me dad but are aware i am not their natural father. They will both have a secure home life until they are 18 and then my wife and i split. I do this because i love the boys and feel two parents are needed to bring a child up. The financial cost of this is irrelevant but the arrangement has cost me a relationship with someone special, painful but 'my' kids came first. My daughter is due to have her baby next week and has had nothing from the father who doesn't want to know. She will be going to the csa when the baby is born and i think he will be getting off lightly at15%.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yet in my case I was actually penalised for having kids as they took my money into account. They told me his own children had to be settled first. And when they sent there workings out his absent children apparently cost more to keep than mine did. Oh and they don't take into account more than 3 kids at home.

Cali

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
over a year ago

Bangor on Dee

"15% of the op's wages and he is moaning, get real ffs. How much do you think it costs to bring up YOUR child? My situation is somewhat different. My wife and i are seperated due to her infidelity. We still live in the same house, seperate bedrooms and lives, but the two young boys who are the product of her shenanigans both have my name, both call me dad but are aware i am not their natural father. They will both have a secure home life until they are 18 and then my wife and i split. I do this because i love the boys and feel two parents are needed to bring a child up. The financial cost of this is irrelevant but the arrangement has cost me a relationship with someone special, painful but 'my' kids came first. My daughter is due to have her baby next week and has had nothing from the father who doesn't want to know. She will be going to the csa when the baby is born and i think he will be getting off lightly at15%. "

again, do you know how much the op earns? didnt think so, so how can you say he is getting off lightly? id hasten to add if he is earning 100k per year and he has to pay £1300 per month to the csa that is hardly getting off lightly (unless his child lives in buckingham palace ofcourse!

however with the same token if he earns £1000 per month and has to pay £150 to raise a child then he is as you say "getting off lighlty"

the fact remains according to the OP he is providing already for his daughter, why should he have to pay twice?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman."

this line is utter fucking bullshit, and slightly bizarre considering it is on a swingers site. your kids will forever be 50% his and for you to say anything else is just spite and vengefulness on your part. you may think it is justified but it isn't.

by the way, i knew when i posted my comments that there would be lots of women saying "i was the one left shafted", but my comment still stands. It is based on years of experience and dealing with spiteful vengeful women who actively deny access for fathers, for no reason other than they don't like the father and feel bitter.

I;'ve heard of Fathers for Justice, but not Mothers for Justice. Why do you think that is?? The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you sexy novice.

I just wonder how many other women are 'sitting pretty' in their homes with their children, no man around, because he got caught hanging out the back of another woman.

Very well said

hardly. if it's the woman who has the affair and the marriage breaks up as a direct result she still gets custody and the house.

Considering you have a roof over your head on the same evening as the court case you are indeed, sitting pretty.

How long do you think it will take the father to save up another £20k+ for a house deposit while you are sitting in the family home his salary paid for??

(yes i know there will be exceptions, but generally this is the case)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact."

Probably, but it hasn't always been that way has it? Women and children were property, to be used or discarded whenever men chose. So a small amount of backlash was bound to happen when the courts caught up with emancipation.

Also, please try and remember the single women who happily allow their children to have contact with their fathers wihout emptying their bank accounts. I was never going to stop my ex from seeing his daughter. It meant I could actually go out for the first time for 5 years! And as I earn the same as him, it would be counter-productive to get money off him.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

You breed them you feed them

Kind Regards a parent with care that gets nothing from her mother.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"for the record I agree accidents happen but it is the father's responsibility to wear a condom if he doesn't want to produce a child and rely solely on the lady being on the pill, patch, coil or whatever"

I have to diagree View as many years ago a g/f I was in a long term relationship with ended it after 4 years when she had a termination. As the father I had absolutely no rights to prevent my child being sucked out of her womb as it was her body, not mine, so it was her decision, not mine.

Many women get pregnant deliberately to get housing or to trap the man they think they love into a relationship with her, but yes, he knows about the birds and bees and could prevent it but what if she's told him she is on the pill, injection etc?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman.

I;'ve heard of Fathers for Justice, but not Mothers for Justice. Why do you think that is?? The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact."

How fucking dare you !!!

I was never a swinger till I was single, whatever that has to do with it, and I didn't cheat on him even though the opportunity was there many a time, My marriage vows meant everything to me.

I am not spiteful or vengeful, if I was I'd take him to court for the thousands he owed me after our divorce settlement let alone the thousands he was supposed to pay for his children's keep, as all agreed by him and I in a court of law.

I worked and ran my own business when he had nothing and contributed much more to the household finances than he ever did.

If his kids are 50% his then where was he when I was raising them? Living on a yacht he bought in New Zealand and working for Air New Zealand.

Where is he now? Vietnam where he is a beach bum with a beach bar he owns, and never a penny or visit to his kids. HE divorced them along with me.

How do I know all this, he keeps me updated through facebook and wishes me and his children happy birthday once a year from the other side of the world.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact.

A father's in/ability to pay for his child has no influence on whether he can see his child or not.

As for the CSA, I told my ex that if that ridiculous organisation ever came after me I'd disappear completely and she'd get nothing and in 11 years I've only a few payments when times have been lean (basically when I haven't earned anything at all), but I make it up to her by increasing the monthly amount until she has been paid what she missed. I've also made it clear that when our daughter goes to Uni my monthly maintenance will go directly to my daughter to help with her living costs. The ex wasn't happy about it but I pointed out that I'll be fucked if I'm going to fund her house and lifestyle whilst our daughter struggles financially in digs.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman.

I;'ve heard of Fathers for Justice, but not Mothers for Justice. Why do you think that is?? The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact.

How fucking dare you !!!

I was never a swinger till I was single, whatever that has to do with it, and I didn't cheat on him even though the opportunity was there many a time, My marriage vows meant everything to me.

I worked and ran my own business when he had nothing and contributed much more to the household finances than he ever did.

If his kids are 50% his then where was he when I was raising them? Living on a yacht he bought in New Zealand and working for Air New Zealand.

Where is he now? Vietnam where he is a beach bum with a beach bar he owns, and never a penny or visit to his kids. HE divorced them along with me.

How do I know all this, he keeps me updated through facebook and wishes me and his children happy birthday once a year from the other side of the world.

i dared to writethat because the statement you wrote quite clearly stated that as soon as he committed adultery, the kids became your sole property. read what you wrote again.

Now you have furnished us with further info, the situation and judgement changes. but what would you say if he arrived on your doorstep now wanting to see him?

"fuck off where have you been you haven't paid a penny" ??

" hi, would you like access to YOUR child" ??

in a lot of cases (but perhaps not yours) access would be refused.....and that is down to spite.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact.

A father's in/ability to pay for his child has no influence on whether he can see his child or not.

It was never going to be my decision anyway. My daughter wants to see him, therefore she sees him. And I agree with you about the CSA. My sister told me to make sure any monetary agreement was made with nothing to do with them and it worked out. 6 years later we are both happy with the arrangement and my daughter has access to two happy parents.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the reference o the comment being bizarre sthat it implie putting a dick in another woman is a terrible thing to do - which on a swingers site seems bizarre!

if you only provide half the info, don't be surprised when people make judgements you don't agree with

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

what are you disagreeing with? my reply was in the context of the lady saying her pill failed... any guy who doesn't want to father a child can make a decision to take a belts and braces approach to contraception... pill and condoms

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

"The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact.

A father's in/ability to pay for his child has no influence on whether he can see his child or not.

Wishy good to hear that you pay your way and at the end of day up to ex to sort herself out. I was once told most cocks can produce a child but it takes a real man to help bring them up

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact.

A father's in/ability to pay for his child has no influence on whether he can see his child or not.

These days the CSA are automatically involved ONLY when the parent with care starts claiming benefits (not JSA or child benefit though). A lot of the problems within the CSA 15 years ago were addressed and it was rebuilt from the ground up, but as with any enormous entity, so too will it's mistakes be enormous. Luckily I've never had them involved in my life but an unlucky pal of mine was paying his ex £200/month for the one child they had until she claimed benefits and he had to pay the same £200 to them, but she only received £100 of it. They were both furious and when they questioned it they were told that the other £100 goes to mothers who children's fathers don't pay anything at all.

It has also changed in so much as a woman who refuses to name the father of her child will get no support from the CSA at all.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children are MINE he gave up all connections to them the day he took his dick out his pants to another woman.

I;'ve heard of Fathers for Justice, but not Mothers for Justice. Why do you think that is?? The legal system is heavily biased towards the Mother. Fact.

How fucking dare you !!!

I was never a swinger till I was single, whatever that has to do with it, and I didn't cheat on him even though the opportunity was there many a time, My marriage vows meant everything to me.

I worked and ran my own business when he had nothing and contributed much more to the household finances than he ever did.

If his kids are 50% his then where was he when I was raising them? Living on a yacht he bought in New Zealand and working for Air New Zealand.

Where is he now? Vietnam where he is a beach bum with a beach bar he owns, and never a penny or visit to his kids. HE divorced them along with me.

How do I know all this, he keeps me updated through facebook and wishes me and his children happy birthday once a year from the other side of the world.

i dared to writethat because the statement you wrote quite clearly stated that as soon as he committed adultery, the kids became your sole property. read what you wrote again.

Now you have furnished us with further info, the situation and judgement changes. but what would you say if he arrived on your doorstep now wanting to see him?

"fuck off where have you been you haven't paid a penny" ??

" hi, would you like access to YOUR child" ??

in a lot of cases (but perhaps not yours) access would be refused.....and that is down to spite."

You reread what I said.

"The day I found out my husband was having an affair and asked him to leave was the day the mortgage his debts and his children became my sole responsibility".

I gave him the choice and asked him to keep in touch with his kids, he relinquished it all the moment he decided to go back to his g/f, without a backwards glance. I even gave him a lift to the train station.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and I never had sole custody legally, only through his abandonment.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wishy good to hear that you pay your way and at the end of day up to ex to sort herself out. I was once told most cocks can produce a child but it takes a real man to help bring them up

I pay because I love my daughter, not because I am legally or morally obliged to. Only this week I had my daughter phoning me because her mum was refusing to allow her Hockey sessions with the county team. I knew why without my daughter telling me and when she told me her mum thought £60 for five sessions was too expensive I told her that I'd be paying half and her mum knows that so £30 for five sessions is NOT the real reason she won't let you go. Work on her and eventually she'll tell you.

Sure enough, after my daughter got to work on her mum (she's 15 but highly adept in gaining the information she wants to know from people who don't want to tell), it finally transpired that her mum was too lazy arsed to drive her to the sessions once per week (a round trip of 30 miles). I then stepped in and reminded her that she'd only be ferrying our daughter about every other weekend as I'd be down on alternate weekends to do my part too.

She has been a good mum in all fairness, but she's always been a lazy cow.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

"Wishy good to hear that you pay your way and at the end of day up to ex to sort herself out. I was once told most cocks can produce a child but it takes a real man to help bring them up

She has been a good mum in all fairness, but she's always been a lazy cow."

Well you pointed out the most important thing money is great but nothing beats loving parents. Good to hear you are so involved in your daughters life you are both lucky

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The C.S.A is called the Child Support Agency.

They will not charge you for having an idle ex wife.

Stop putting up fallacies and pay for your child's upkeep.

Thank you for asking for my opinion.

The C.S.A will not ask for a penny that your child doesn't need.

God I have been so careful in this response....

I totally agree with you & thank you for your support, I love my daughter to bits, I always have & always will provide for her. The system is totally wrong, the government have got a lot to answer for.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To the OP can I ask questions before I answer.

Can I ask how you were supporting your daughter? was it odd amounts or a set amount every week paid to the mother to help with costs for the childs home etc??

Did the wife drop down to part time on her own accord, and if so was there a reason for that?"

My daughter comes to my house 3 times per week, I buy all her clothes, pay for school uniforms, school dinners & school trips. I pay half towards any holiday she goes on and always buy her little treats & give her pocket money.

It was my ex's choice to work part time, im not sure why she did this but I suspect it's because she's just too lazy to work.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately