FabSwingers.com forum: Have you ever changed your mind about someone?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I used to think this person was a annoying stupid brat....but over the last 6 months this amazing young woman has completely changed my mind about her and made me more interested in climate change

Greta thunberg

Has anyone made you change your mind about them?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Yes, lots of people.

I find that being close minded about initial judgement calls and first impression can close us off to the potential in others. If I made a bad first impression on someone, I’d appreciate them having the ability to rethink so I do the same for others.

Of course that works both ways and some that I thought were good people have proven me spectacularly wrong!

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

No. I’m pretty good at spotting a dick from miles away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100%.

the universe keeps reminding me that i am in fact, a shite judge of character

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

The odd person but I'm a very good judge of character and first impressions are usually right.

Mrs

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Yes. Some good, some bad

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Very rarely and the older I get the less chance there is of it happening.

I'm usually a good judge of character but I'm not infallible.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Lots of people.

It's all data. People give off lots of it. If you listen, you learn, and you adapt.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"I used to think this person was a annoying stupid brat....but over the last 6 months this amazing young woman has completely changed my mind about her and made me more interested in climate change

Greta thunberg

Has anyone made you change your mind about them?"

Sometimes yes. For me the trick is not rushing to any conclusions / judgement in the first place. As for "celebrities" or press persona... Its important to remember we only "know" what the media choose to share with us and more often than not they have an agenda.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Yes of course I have. I get to know a person, see a different side to them or... they grow. And change. For the better. We have this rather self centred, arrogant belief that seems to think we are the only humans possible of growing and changing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work on the basis that everyone I meet is a twat, so they can only improve..

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Yep! First impressions are not aways accurate. Plus I'm more aware of my biases these days.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes of course I have. I get to know a person, see a different side to them or... they grow. And change. For the better. We have this rather self centred, arrogant belief that seems to think we are the only humans possible of growing and changing."

I disagree. I think everyone is capable of growing and changing, if they choose to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to form an impression of people fairly quickly, following what my intuition and their energy tells me. I’m rarely wrong, but I think it’s important to be open and flexible to the idea that I might have misjudged them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always. I think everyone has the capacity to change, I know I have. Most of my close friends where people I couldn't stand then we discovered we had more in common and bonded, plus they stopped being irritating;-p

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I disagree. I think everyone is capable of growing and changing, if they choose to."

My point *is* that everyone is capable of growing and changing if they choose to. We* just don't always see that.

Look at how we talk about our first impressions, I'm rarely wrong etc. People are fluid, evolving. Surely our first impressions will also be fluid?

*Generalised we, not saying 100% of the population don't see that.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Yes my mind is often changed simply as I know more.. this can be both positive and negative. My gut instinct is rarely wrong though, in that I usually know who my kind of humans are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree. I think everyone is capable of growing and changing, if they choose to.

My point *is* that everyone is capable of growing and changing if they choose to. We* just don't always see that.

Look at how we talk about our first impressions, I'm rarely wrong etc. People are fluid, evolving. Surely our first impressions will also be fluid?

*Generalised we, not saying 100% of the population don't see that.

I was disagreeing with your comment that ‘ We have this rather self centred, arrogant belief that seems to think we are the only humans possible of growing and changing’

This hasn’t been my experience overall, some people yes, but certainly not all.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I have a long history of being able to spot fake people who are using my family or friends but I'll admit to not being as clued in with some people in my own circle.

I've known some people who I thought were ok and genuine friends when I first knew them but changed my opinion over a period of time and saw them as they really were.

I can't honestly say it has ever happened the other way around with anyone I've had a bad feeling about from the start.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmmm interesting Q.. Just as we change and evolve so do others, so i think it's a natural ebb and flow that you'll have times where you are in tune /aligned and others where you wonder what you have in common!

I find if i dislike someone on first contact, they often become BFFs at some point lol

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"*Generalised we, not saying 100% of the population don't see that.

I was disagreeing with your comment that ‘ We have this rather self centred, arrogant belief that seems to think we are the only humans possible of growing and changing’

This hasn’t been my experience overall, some people yes, but certainly not all."

I didn't mean every single member of the population, it was generalised. I helpfully put a little * on the previous comment to clarify.

Look at previous threads on the subject, on subjects where we talk about other people, the majority talk about it in such a set way.

I like people who can see life and others as being more fluid. It is.

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

Personally on sites like these people are quick to judge people they know nothing about and they stick to that judgement and many perpetuate the judgement to others.

Personally always open minded about people but rarely do people change, leopards and all that.

Greta Thunberg does accross differently many people don't like people pointing out their flaws and certainly won't accept it.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Yes. I must admit - there's a couple of people that I though were a bit of a twat.

Then after seeing more of them in the forums I realised they were complete twats.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I do make a quick judgement, rather like a lot of people I would say. I follow my instincts because that’s why I have them.

I have changed my mind about people occasionally but it’s the exception rather than the rule.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes.

First impressions are often misleading and thinking we're great judges of character can result in confirmation bias where we look for good or bad qualities to prove we were right.

As a rule I would say: keep an open mind; give people three chances before you make a final decision on them; and judge them on their actions more than anything else.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Yes. I must admit - there's a couple of people that I though were a bit of a twat.

Then after seeing more of them in the forums I realised they were complete twats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes! When they turn out to be fakes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, all the time. People are waaay too complicated to see all their nuances early doors. Trying to remember that ain't easy !

Doubley so on fab where we tend to just see the sex side and the typed word misses tone etc. How easy to think we have someone figured by which threads they comment on and if they post boobs !

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By *iproperswingersCouple
over a year ago

Rainham

To be 100% honest Russell Brand used to do my head in.

But we went to an evening guided medication with him a couple of months back and you know what... Once you get past that try hard personality he's not all that bad.

Granted I'm not joining his cult but as a fella he's not half bad.

Paul

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

It’s rare because I’m usually right. Reading people is an art and any sign of toxicity etc I’m off. As I always say bat shit crazy soon shows itself. There are occasions I’d love to have been wrong but unfortunately it wasn’t to be.

As for Greta OP, she says what she means and she means what she says at great sacrifice to her own well-being at times. Her passion and drive can only be admired and it baffles me why she gets such a hard time for having the courage in her convictions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes surprisingly so

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just want to share my agreement.

But I wanted to add: We all have prejudices and it’s beyond race, colour, ethnicity.

We make judgements all the time.

We don’t really know a person until we’ve spent time with that person. Everything else is just baseless bias.

"Yep! First impressions are not aways accurate. Plus I'm more aware of my biases these days.

Mrs TMN x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lately just for the worst. Couple of friends for 20 years who pissed me right off so I ghosted them. Dead to me.

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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

Most people generally scare the s**t out of us

joking of course

but yes there’s been the odd occasion

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

Depends.

Yes, I have many of times. Majority of the time I rarely close my mind off and shut out, or attach an unchanging associated opinion about somebody.

However some people give off such a terrible first impression that all interest or potential of wanting to interact or bother with them again has gone. So no opportunity to have my mind change happens - by choice.

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

I judge someone on if I've actually met them! I can normally spot fakes and bad vibes, But we can all be wrong at times.

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

"It’s rare because I’m usually right. Reading people is an art and any sign of toxicity etc I’m off. As I always say bat shit crazy soon shows itself. There are occasions I’d love to have been wrong but unfortunately it wasn’t to be.

People who have the courage of their convictions always get a hard time cos many seek popularity and personal gain over integrity and become envious and bitter against those see as having strength, try to discredit them. You can see it everywhere. People would rather sit in judgement than try and better themsevles and have strength of character.

Someone soo young has strength of character which many older people do not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are very few people who haven't radically changed their opinion of those closest to them several times. You start by thinking they're cute, funny, sexy and end up hating/fearing/despising/pitying or simply being indifferent to them. If we can be so wrong about those who are closest to us, why on earth do we believe that we have a clue about anyone else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are very few people who haven't radically changed their opinion of those closest to them several times. You start by thinking they're cute, funny, sexy and end up hating/fearing/despising/pitying or simply being indifferent to them. If we can be so wrong about those who are closest to us, why on earth do we believe that we have a clue about anyone else?

Mr"

So poignant.. and sadly accurate.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

What about if we've changed, though? Does that make us look at people differently?

Mrs TMN x

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Mr"

Bingo. Its often easier to have an opinion or thoughts about an almost complete stranger who you've never or barely met, than it is to look in the mirror. Often particular with those in the media, our opinions are informed by 128 character bites of deliberately facile or inflammatory click bait rather than a proper exchange of ideas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes but i know the reasons so its okay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What about if we've changed, though? Does that make us look at people differently?

Mrs TMN x"

Deep and true!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes...but there are some contexts, like on here where I don't see it necessary that I remain open as I'm not going to meet these people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What about if we've changed, though? Does that make us look at people differently?

Mrs TMN x"

I think so. Ive changed hugely in a few years and I have quite different views of people now. I am less judgmental. I also wonder how much the people we are with make a big impact on how we judge others? If we leave a partner for example.

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