FabSwingers.com forum: Replying on thread vs pm…

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only reply in a DM if it is what the thread suggests to do or if i think there is an opportunity to connect like living local etc..

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By *ussexualMan
over a year ago

Brighton

Unless it's to take part in face pic Friday, I'll post in the thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread

Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Some people can't post on the forums yet but can browse them.

Some people simply click the wring reply option.

Some people want to be nasty.

Some people want to be helpful and to be sure you see their reply.

Some people want to be helpful but not share personal information on the forums.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Face pics are DM as are personal advice comments and private compliments as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Generally always comment on a thread rather than privately unless there is a specific reason (non sexual) to do so.

I understand people think that threads can leave to conversations and they often do, or even to give someone a compliment, but please engage with the thread first

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Cause I can’t attach a picture of my knob in a thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So if it’s a flirty comment, that could be made on the thread, but is pm’d instead?

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

I have never but the ones I've received were at the end of each spectrum; from thanking me for posting to having a go at me for my views and then blocking me.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

If it's not a thread game requiring a private message I only ever pm someone I know.

I'll always reply in the thread and am always sceptical of people who use the pm option rather than have the courage of their convictions.

I know some people who claim they are shunned by other forum users so they pm and ask others to post on their behalf.

Strangely they are more than happy to post on any thread that involves fabbing or increased traffic on their profile

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

If it's of a sensitive nature I'll message (a fellow forumite did the other day with a website about domestic abuse was very much appreciated). Also I will if I think the poster isn't quite themselves so I like to check in.

Normally though I try and keep in on the thread.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

"So if it’s a flirty comment, that could be made on the thread, but is pm’d instead?"

I would see that as they wanted to stand out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So if it’s a flirty comment, that could be made on the thread, but is pm’d instead?"

I think the age old reply is 'it depends'

I'd probs flirt with a friend or regular contact ... But not a random person

I do get messages (usually compliments) in DM loosely attached to the thread.. I don't mind them, they are usually all polite /interesting. I just ignore anything i don't want to open and let the unread count grow until the system auto deletes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep it on the thread unless for the likes of Rex Holes he asks so kindly for tit pics.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So if it’s a flirty comment, that could be made on the thread, but is pm’d instead?

I would see that as they wanted to stand out

That’s a better way to look at it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So if it’s a flirty comment, that could be made on the thread, but is pm’d instead?

I think the age old reply is 'it depends'

I'd probs flirt with a friend or regular contact ... But not a random person

It might auto delete, but the number at the top still stays the same

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

I have sent a private message if it was something I felt I wanted to share, in the form of support, but wouldn't want to share in a public forum. I have also messaged support if the thread had turned negative and again, I would offer support. Once I have mailed someone and feel there is a small connection, I will sometimes send funny/cheeky comments.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People who are banned/ not verified so can't post

People who want to support and a pm is more personal

People who comment about a thread but actually want wank chat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ll Private message if it’s a personal reply to a question asked sometimes… but if it’s a flirty thread I’d generally flirt in public unless it’s someone I’m already seeing of course

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"I keep it on the thread unless for the likes of Rex Holes he asks so kindly for tit pics."

And they’re a mighty fine pair

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I don’t ever message outside the forum. The ones I’ve received have always been from men using the thread as a conversation starter to chat me up.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread

Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger"

This

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We hardly ever pm from a thread unless it’s going to derail a thread or if we we want to say something that’s personal.

We get a lot of messages from guys who think it’s good to start a conversation about the thread - well the first message is, then the next is a ‘I want to get into C’s knickers’ message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I PM quite a lot. Mostly to people I know to avoid 'private' chat in thread but also to say something positive about a comment which may not fit easily in the thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will DM privately if its a special friend from the forums

or if I fancy the pants off them and want them to know

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By *inAndTonic21Couple
over a year ago

Merseyside

I would only pm if a friend otherwise forum thread is fine for us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't mind per say, but sometimes I wish I hadn't commented on a thread because the OP automatically thinks I want to bang them because I said something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i only ever reply in pm if its a forum game like the 'my mate' ones.

or if someone is upset about something, to try and help or comfort, where i don't feel i should put it on a public forum.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i only ever reply in pm if its a forum game like the 'my mate' ones.

or if someone is upset about something, to try and help or comfort, where i don't feel i should put it on a public forum.

This is the same for me

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

Forum unless trying to get a personal response but don’t happen

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

"I don't mind per say, but sometimes I wish I hadn't commented on a thread because the OP automatically thinks I want to bang them because I said something

So your not up for that, bugger there goes my balloon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm gonna stop DM'ing People lol..

But no, I think it's either a Direct Question that has no context/place within the thread or a Direct Image or if there's been a click while chatting in the thread and common ground (apart from being naughty) that's been discovered

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By *eardedTattManMan
over a year ago

Elland

I don't think I've ever privately messaged as a response to a thread?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't mind per say, but sometimes I wish I hadn't commented on a thread because the OP automatically thinks I want to bang them because I said something

So your not up for that, bugger there goes my balloon"

I'll bang your balloon if you like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't mind per say, but sometimes I wish I hadn't commented on a thread because the OP automatically thinks I want to bang them because I said something

I have a drum?

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By *entative_steps7781Couple
over a year ago

Home

Only just started posting more on the forum, but definitely think replying in the thread is the best option

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "

When posting on the thread we always receive replies to the inbox

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I send a PM if I want to say something private, include a pic or just not fill up the thread with my flirting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "

I guess it's their "way in" our posts have "iniated conversation" so they just go with it. I only PM if it's something I know that would be taken out of context by the snowflake crew

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"If it's of a sensitive nature I'll message (a fellow forumite did the other day with a website about domestic abuse was very much appreciated). Also I will if I think the poster isn't quite themselves so I like to check in.

Normally though I try and keep in on the thread. "

This.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So i while I could not joined the forums but I still had the option to reply in private. Fab does work I mysterious ways

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread

Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger"

I couldn’t have worded it better

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

When I want to have a personal conversation rather than a group one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Generally always comment on a thread rather than privately unless there is a specific reason (non sexual) to do so.

I understand people think that threads can leave to conversations and they often do, or even to give someone a compliment, but please engage with the thread first "

I think this says it well, unless obviously it’s for support, which I give privately.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I get the most private messages if it’s a controversial comment they agree with but are too scared to post their actual thoughts about.

The court of public opinion is real and it’s sad to see so many people scared to post their real thoughts for fear of being excluded from meets/groups on here

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

Sometimes the information your repaying with you may not want the whole of fab to know.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.

If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.

If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego."

I always like reading your contributions

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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

Most the time we reply to the post on the forum, just the odd occasion we have also sent a DM message but find we personally get more DM messages off something we have posted, we generally get ignored here

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

I never PM anyone on a forum thread. Yes had a few PM me. Normally about someting I put on thread that could give say private info about me.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've had private messages when I've pulled someone on their forum behaviour or spoken out against certain things.

They are often funny because they give the impression that they are recruiting and my opinion aligns with how their little gang sees it also.

It's the ones from those who state publicly that they don't care what anyone thinks of them but they send me suggestions of what to post next as they couldn't possibly be seen to say it that are hilarious though.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.

If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego.

I always like reading your contributions

Well you are a bit of a masochist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.

If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego.

I always like reading your contributions

Yes, very funny posts !

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"Cause I can’t attach a picture of my knob in a thread

...did we all get that pic?!

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"I only reply in a DM if it is what the thread suggests to do or if i think there is an opportunity to connect like living local etc.."

Same as this as a rule^

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.

If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego.

I always like reading your contributions

Well you are a bit of a masochist

Well, a little bit

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I pm someone if I’ve noticed they seem to have a lot on and feel a bit low - rather than drawing attention to it on a forum post.

Or if I find a post particularly funny.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I personally don't interact privately with anyone off the forums. Only DM I'll send is if its like FPF.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread

Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger"

This. Or if I feel a comment I might make pour oil onto a flame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I keep it on the thread unless for the likes of Rex Holes he asks so kindly for tit pics."

...he's my hero! When I grow up I want to be like Rex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just always assume no one gives a fuck what I have to say, so posting on a thread is like yelling into the wind, I am talking to both no one and everyone.

If I sent someone a private message it would likely go unread and so hurt my ego."

I'm agreeing with OP I appreciate your comments

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By *tew008Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "

When I accidentally press the wrong button.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always reply on the thread unless it's personal. For example, if someone posts something that causes me concern, I might message them to check they're ok, or just send my support.

Also, sometimes you don't want to derail a thread with effectively a back and forth chat between two people, so someone might say something that makes me want to start up a conversation with that person, and I might message them.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I always reply on the thread unless it's personal. For example, if someone posts something that causes me concern, I might message them to check they're ok, or just send my support.

Pretty much this.

I find that it’s a personal judgement call on things. If it’s a private, personal chat where you’re exchanging views that aren’t for public consumption or if it might derail the thread.

I’ve had lots of people send me PM’s or vice versa in relation to posts and struck up chats or friendships as a result.

I recognise that for some they use it as a chance to sleaze into PM chat but the whole point of the forums is to strike up connections, that’s why there’s a ‘reply privately’ button. It’s when it’s abused or unwelcome that it’s an issue

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By *reeneyes1983Man
over a year ago

Hyde

Im in, happy for forum replies or DM,s haha

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By *ausageNmashCouple
over a year ago

Andover

Never outside the forum. A forum is a forum.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

I usually only do this if I want to offer support to the OP, or a personal experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "

Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?

Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length?

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?

Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length?

Now - that definitely should be in a PM.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I will only dm if I think they can take my sense of humour and witty repartee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?

Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length?

Now - that definitely should be in a PM.

HAHA! NO way dude, I don't hide my flirting/pervertedness/creepiness!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment?

Why don't you come round later and we can discuss it at length?

I won't be too hard on you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah, most of my contributions on the forums stay on the forum but I'm grateful for people messaging me on the back of a thread.

Had some lovely conversations and messages as a result

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "

You've probably made a comment that is particular to me that I'd like to pursue, but more likely I'm trying get in your pants..

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

"I always reply on the thread unless it's personal. For example, if someone posts something that causes me concern, I might message them to check they're ok, or just send my support.

Pretty much this.

I find that it’s a personal judgement call on things. If it’s a private, personal chat where you’re exchanging views that aren’t for public consumption or if it might derail the thread.

I’ve had lots of people send me PM’s or vice versa in relation to posts and struck up chats or friendships as a result.

I was going to compose an essay about my respective usage of Reply Privately, Reply in Thread, Reply+Quote and Post New Message to Thread. But the above posters have expressed it for me in more succinct fashion. Thank you _ea monkey and kitty. Polly xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I might PM to avoid detailing. Or in some of the sciencey threads I may share something I think they will find interesting but isn't really in line with how the convo is going. Not everyone wants links to papers !

I also PM when I see boobs. (o)(o)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always reply on the thread unless it's personal. For example, if someone posts something that causes me concern, I might message them to check they're ok, or just send my support.

Pretty much this.

I find that it’s a personal judgement call on things. If it’s a private, personal chat where you’re exchanging views that aren’t for public consumption or if it might derail the thread.

I’ve had lots of people send me PM’s or vice versa in relation to posts and struck up chats or friendships as a result.

The last paragraph sums it up for me.

I have blocked everyone from messaging me because I don't want that interaction. Unless I choose it

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I don’t do it but it does happen.

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By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

How have I only just noticed the reply privately button! Only taken me five years...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people can't post on the forums yet but can browse them.

Some people simply click the wring reply option.

Some people want to be nasty.

Some people want to be helpful and to be sure you see their reply.

Some people want to be helpful but not share personal information on the forums. "

Latter for me....

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

Mostly just PM abuse because fab mods and others can't see what is being said, cos they think people they don't want to see their true face

. also been pm'd via fake couples account to get round filters and blocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get the most private messages if it’s a controversial comment they agree with but are too scared to post their actual thoughts about.

The court of public opinion is real and it’s sad to see so many people scared to post their real thoughts for fear of being excluded from meets/groups on here "

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "

Was so tempted to dm this response!

I very rarely will message over in thread reply. Subject matter and context of things will dictate this for me however, some things may not want to be said publicly (private reasons, not insults).

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I get the most private messages if it’s a controversial comment they agree with but are too scared to post their actual thoughts about.

The court of public opinion is real and it’s sad to see so many people scared to post their real thoughts for fear of being excluded from meets/groups on here "

I get a lot of these. Probably not always because they’re scared to post. More because they’re not as dumb as me and keep their thoughts and opinions off the forums

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

I very rarely reply in PM, it feels intrusive to the poster and limits discussion.

However, I like it when it happens to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rips my knitting when people immediately dive into replying privately on a forum post

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rips my knitting when people immediately dive into replying privately on a forum post"

Ha! Love that saying

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By *umalotagainMan
over a year ago

a town called malice

I pretty much always reply on the thread unless it is a pic roulette or face pic type thing

I have once hit the wrong button which was a bit embarrassing but all was forgiven and it is now someone I chat with a fair bit

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Normally it's thread related, other than that it's normally kept on forum. Only exception is if I see someone who's feeling down or struggling and I know them well enough to speak privately to them and ask if they're ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd only ever really send a private message off the back of a thread if I was worried about that person. But I don't really send messages often apart from that.

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By *umalotagainMan
over a year ago

a town called malice

"Normally it's thread related, other than that it's normally kept on forum. Only exception is if I see someone who's feeling down or struggling and I know them well enough to speak privately to them and ask if they're ok"

Indeed. Another good reason and I have done that a couple of times, mostly very well received but one person did tell me it was none of my fucking business how they were and to piss off then promptly blocked me

Nowt as queer as folks

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

"I DM if i want to say something personally that i either don't want to put on the thread or i think it might derail the thread

Sometimes it's a friend, sometimes a stranger"

This. Generally I’ll reply in private if I think it might or if people think I’m white knighting. I think it’s just important to enter, say your bit and exit.

It’s not a gateway to further conversation unless instigated by the ‘entered’ (that sounds wrong but I know what I mean)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some/many threads go to shit so if you want to have a serious discussion or exchange of views with someone, pm is better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What makes you reply via pm, rather than in the thread?

I’ve noticed more people will message rather than just comment? "

I would only pm if it was something where I was making sure someone was ok or o have spoke to them in pm before other than that I keep it thread

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