FabSwingers.com forum: How to be good

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’ve often seen and heard people talking about being a good person, about being kind, courteous, generous, etc. I do wonder what it means to be a ‘good’ person though.

Is it something that you are, something that you become?

Is it something that is wiped out by one single act or is it possible to be redeemed and balance the ledger towards good?

Is it a personal thing and guided by your own moral compass?

Is it something that we all tell ourselves when we look in the mirror, even though we may not be one?

Thoughts folks…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it's about being respectful to others.

It doesn't mean letting people walk all over you, but it does mean that you need to try to understand where other people are coming from.

Respecting their rights, opinions, and self as long as they respect yours.

It's more complicated than that and it's more simple.

I can be the best me, while not letting others push me around . I can be the best me without walking on others or putting them down.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I guess we all judge by our own values /compass. For me personally, it’s not just enough to do no harm to others or crime , that should be the default, minimum for any decent person. I like the idea of fixing things, people, the planet for future generations. It’s also less about what you have done, but what you are doing now and the idea of finishing well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think in general I'm a good person. I try to help people wherever I can. I'm kind and generally lovely to everyone (unless they give me reason not be)

However I'm far from an angel but that doesn't mean I'm not a good person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we have core values that guide us but unfortunately we ALL slip up. If I've just had some terrible news and some ass hat cuts me up, he's not likely to get the "good" of me.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I think in general I'm a good person. I try to help people wherever I can. I'm kind and generally lovely to everyone (unless they give me reason not be)

However I'm far from an angel but that doesn't mean I'm not a good person.

I think that most would see themselves that way, that the good outweighs the bad. Do we see others that way as well though?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I don't think of people in general as being good. Bad, sure (talking about the very bad people here). The rest of us? And this is all of us, not just a few here and there. We're good and bad. We're all flawed, all capable of bringing joy to people but also of causing hurt. We're prone to upset, to projecting our feelings both good and bad outwards, that's just part of being human.

I think it's very much a personal thing - we'd like to think of ourselves as good, heck, we even strive towards it. But the grace and forgiveness we want to be shown we don't often afford others; we're childish and think if we don't like someone they are bad, if we do we're good. Or if someone does one bad thing (scale here!) than they are A Very Bad Person but we do and we see it as us learning. It's interesting our own self perception compared to how we view others.

Anyway I like what Arrows typed above "I can be the best me without walking on others or putting them down". Maybe a good person is one who shows respect to other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In practice I think it's rarely hard to differentiate between a good person and a wrong un.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

To me I think it's someone who treats others how they would like to treated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the weave of life we need darkness to highlight the light.

Without bad people we don't appreciate good.

And a bad person isn't always mustache twisting evil. My dad was a bad person. He was convicted for deaths and robberies and brought us pain and anguish. And he was good to his other families after he abandoned us apparently. He was a good friend I'm told. Charitable.

It was when I was trying to square this all away that I realised that I couldn't be a good person. No one is flawless. All I could do was be net positive.

I will do violence to protect my family and friends from aggression and won't pass of responsibility for those actions.

But I'm never going to look for a fight. Certainly not until other avenues are explored.

There is a lot of nuance and it's hard to explain a person's moral code.

No one was there to protect me when I needed it most and I won't let that happen to anyone who is mine now.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

To me being good is less to do with courtesy and politeness which is often faked or a box ticking exercise anyway.

Being good for me is to do with warmth and caring about other's wellbeing and not being selective about it.

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By *eardybobMan
over a year ago

the Goldilocks Zone

Hi Tea - very interesting topic!

Being "good" is subjective of course, and often defined by your belief system and moral background, but for me what it boils down to is putting more back into the world than you take out.

Treating everyone with the same love and compassion that you would show to your own children.

It is about building those around us up - not kicking them down;

Empowering others and helping them to grow so that they are able to face and handle their own challenges - and being there to help them and pick them back up when they fall.

Maybe that means doing demonstrably "good" (meaning measurably beneficial) things - maybe just being kind and honest, but it is not always about what you do - also the things you don't do as you support others in their own journey. You have to be allowed to fall as you learn to walk - not stifled.

To do that - to be able to really empathise with others, and to know when and when not to try to help takes the context of your own life experience so I believe it is probably developed throughout our own journey...

I think that what is critical is that we don't forget to pass kind acts forwards, and that we live by the example of whatever we believe to be right - regardless of whether those around us choose to accept or reject our efforts.

Whether that makes others perceive you as a good person, or whether they dont even notice is kind of immaterial I guess... maybe that is the point.

...Just my 2p

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think of people in general as being good. Bad, sure (talking about the very bad people here). The rest of us? And this is all of us, not just a few here and there. We're good and bad. We're all flawed, all capable of bringing joy to people but also of causing hurt. We're prone to upset, to projecting our feelings both good and bad outwards, that's just part of being human.

Exactly this

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