Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair "It's not just men, my mum, 80, said about the teacher "what was she doing walking there at that time of night" honestly... I was like mum... It was 8.30, she should be able to walk anywhere at anytime  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair "Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women. Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do. Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"I wondered how long before a man would make this about them. Men will never ever face to problems we do. Ever. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful. If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"You honestly have no idea. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
I wondered how long before a man would make this about them. Men will never ever face to problems we do. Ever."Beggars belief doesn't it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
I wondered how long before a man would make this about them. Men will never ever face to problems we do. Ever."If we did, things would probably be changed by tomorrow morning | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"and who is doing the robbing/attacking? Men. We have every right to feel scared and unsafe, we’ve been taught ways to try and protect ourselves and we tell it to our children too. Men need to call each other out on the behaviour - have the conversations, dont turn a blind eye | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"I’m pretty certain that your comment isn’t appropriate to this thread or the OP. You’ve got your own argument going on your own thread, why don’t you keep it there and let this one be about the topic? Just a thought | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"Being pro women safety does not mean it’s anti men safety now does it  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"That happened faster than I expected today. Every thread I have ever posted about violence against women has had men and women throw in that we should be talking about violence against men by women and how many men are killed. I hoped that at this moment this one might be different. As Afzal says, men and women should be allies in tackling male violence. There is a conversation to be had about the fears and violence men experience but why does it always have to be in ways that minimise and derail conversations about women? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
I wondered how long before a man would make this about them. Men will never ever face to problems we do. Ever.
If we did, things would probably be changed by tomorrow morning "As a man I agree, like many other issues of inequality in society.. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
That happened faster than I expected today.
Every thread I have ever posted about violence against women has had men and women throw in that we should be talking about violence against men by women and how many men are killed.
I hoped that at this moment this one might be different.
As Afzal says, men and women should be allies in tackling male violence. There is a conversation to be had about the fears and violence men experience but why does it always have to be in ways that minimise and derail conversations about women?
"Pig fucking headedness and an inability to stop thinking about themselves for one CUNTING MOMENT and just bloody well accept yeah, I'm savage. Love you Lickster | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I was going to post this on the Wayne Couzens thread but I noticed it had some personal posts honouring Sarah Everard. Counting Dead Women is an account on Twitter that monitors and reports the number of women killed by men or when men are the primary suspects. Last week they reported that at least 106 women have been killed so far this year. 80 since Sarah Everard was murdered. In May the Met finally apologised for officers taking pictures of Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman and sharing them on WhatsApp. Two weeks ago Sabina Nessa was murdered. If you haven't read Sarah Everard's mother's impact statement, you should. If you haven't seen Nazir Afzal's interview on the BBC today, watch it. Look up Kirsty Wark's Blurred Lines from 2014. Of course not all men kill women, but enough do for us to be justified in our fears. Pause before joining in on what condemning women on here as women being demanding, time wasting and fussy. I choose to spend time exchanging messages because I want to feel safe when I do finally meet. We don't have real names or information that might help identify someone. Men that ask me for a photo when they have none of their own ("I need to protect my identity") aren't going to get what they want, and then call me stuck up. There's more, and you've all read enough threads to know the sorts of messages women get. Think before you send such messages. Life is a risk, what we do here is risky, but it shouldn't be dangerous. " This is so beautifully put | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"It isn’t just about walking down the street and bring attacked by strangers, we are fully aware this happens to everyone. However, most women are attacked in their own homes by people they know and probably trusted at some point, yes some men are too but it is a rarity. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lets hope things improve, with the authorities and harsher laws. In the 1990s when I was a kid and my step father used to beat my mother, neighbours would call police but they would turn up then walk off as a ‘domestic issue’. Things have moved on this front in recent years but still more to do. Need to be tougher on third world cultures too not being continued here on women. " They haven't moved on that much. Press reports of domestic homicides still talk about 'loving husband kills wife' and other such headlines. Shana Grice reported being stalked five times before her murder. She was fined by the police for wasting their time. We all just 'accept' that there will be more 'domestics' after football matches. They don't get much policing priority. Harsher laws and sentencing have not reduced the level of incidents. Prosecutions rarely happen and when they do go ahead often fail. Women telling their story are not considered reliable witnesses. We still face accusations of doing something to provoke the attack. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lets hope things improve, with the authorities and harsher laws. In the 1990s when I was a kid and my step father used to beat my mother, neighbours would call police but they would turn up then walk off as a ‘domestic issue’. Things have moved on this front in recent years but still more to do. Need to be tougher on third world cultures too not being continued here on women. They haven't moved on that much. Press reports of domestic homicides still talk about 'loving husband kills wife' and other such headlines. Shana Grice reported being stalked five times before her murder. She was fined by the police for wasting their time. We all just 'accept' that there will be more 'domestics' after football matches. They don't get much policing priority. Harsher laws and sentencing have not reduced the level of incidents. Prosecutions rarely happen and when they do go ahead often fail. Women telling their story are not considered reliable witnesses. We still face accusations of doing something to provoke the attack. " I lost a friend at Xmas to suicide. She was dragged through the courts in a high profile assault case and accused of "making it up for a payout" by his lawyers | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’m so very glad you ladies (and some gents) are wiping the floor with that comment. I’ve said this before and I stand by it….attitudes like that only add to the problem. " They are held even by some of the forumites that we might consider 'nice'. I won't break the rules but the PMs I received years ago following a similar thread I started changed my view of some very popular 'nice' men, and some women. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’m so very glad you ladies (and some gents) are wiping the floor with that comment. I’ve said this before and I stand by it….attitudes like that only add to the problem. They are held even by some of the forumites that we might consider 'nice'. I won't break the rules but the PMs I received years ago following a similar thread I started changed my view of some very popular 'nice' men, and some women. " I will refrain from breaking rules to but based on another thread I’ve recently been on my inbox has been full of supportive messages , calling out the bull shit posted by said ‘nice men’. I’m just a little more vocal, to their dislike, and write it all here for them to see ha x | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lets hope things improve, with the authorities and harsher laws. In the 1990s when I was a kid and my step father used to beat my mother, neighbours would call police but they would turn up then walk off as a ‘domestic issue’. Things have moved on this front in recent years but still more to do. Need to be tougher on third world cultures too not being continued here on women. They haven't moved on that much. Press reports of domestic homicides still talk about 'loving husband kills wife' and other such headlines. Shana Grice reported being stalked five times before her murder. She was fined by the police for wasting their time. We all just 'accept' that there will be more 'domestics' after football matches. They don't get much policing priority. Harsher laws and sentencing have not reduced the level of incidents. Prosecutions rarely happen and when they do go ahead often fail. Women telling their story are not considered reliable witnesses. We still face accusations of doing something to provoke the attack. I lost a friend at Xmas to suicide. She was dragged through the courts in a high profile assault case and accused of "making it up for a payout" by his lawyers " I am so sorry for your loss of your friend. I'm angry that your friend had to go through the adversarial system with such a horrible accusation. Like most women I know, I have never reported any of the incidents that I have experienced because I know how the system would treat me. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
"And the average man has more chance of fighting back than the average woman. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’m so very glad you ladies (and some gents) are wiping the floor with that comment. I’ve said this before and I stand by it….attitudes like that only add to the problem. They are held even by some of the forumites that we might consider 'nice'. I won't break the rules but the PMs I received years ago following a similar thread I started changed my view of some very popular 'nice' men, and some women. I will refrain from breaking rules to but based on another thread I’ve recently been on my inbox has been full of supportive messages , calling out the bull shit posted by said ‘nice men’. I’m just a little more vocal, to their dislike, and write it all here for them to see ha x" I'm glad you've had supportive messages but support in public might be the bit that the 'nice men' notice. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’m so very glad you ladies (and some gents) are wiping the floor with that comment. I’ve said this before and I stand by it….attitudes like that only add to the problem. They are held even by some of the forumites that we might consider 'nice'. I won't break the rules but the PMs I received years ago following a similar thread I started changed my view of some very popular 'nice' men, and some women. I will refrain from breaking rules to but based on another thread I’ve recently been on my inbox has been full of supportive messages , calling out the bull shit posted by said ‘nice men’. I’m just a little more vocal, to their dislike, and write it all here for them to see ha x" And keep calling them out … men have formed the large scale of the problem for years… and men need to help form the solution … | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And the average man has more chance of fighting back than the average woman. "And if they have been robbed or attacked I'm willing to bet my house that it ain't as regularly as I've been indecently groped, intimidated, followed etc I really don't think some people appreciate that it's not just once in our lives we've experienced it, it's multiple times since being at school until.. oh yeah, Saturday at work. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I was going to post this on the Wayne Couzens thread but I noticed it had some personal posts honouring Sarah Everard. Counting Dead Women is an account on Twitter that monitors and reports the number of women killed by men or when men are the primary suspects. Last week they reported that at least 106 women have been killed so far this year. 80 since Sarah Everard was murdered. In May the Met finally apologised for officers taking pictures of Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman and sharing them on WhatsApp. Two weeks ago Sabina Nessa was murdered. If you haven't read Sarah Everard's mother's impact statement, you should. If you haven't seen Nazir Afzal's interview on the BBC today, watch it. Look up Kirsty Wark's Blurred Lines from 2014. Of course not all men kill women, but enough do for us to be justified in our fears. Pause before joining in on what condemning women on here as women being demanding, time wasting and fussy. I choose to spend time exchanging messages because I want to feel safe when I do finally meet. We don't have real names or information that might help identify someone. Men that ask me for a photo when they have none of their own ("I need to protect my identity") aren't going to get what they want, and then call me stuck up. There's more, and you've all read enough threads to know the sorts of messages women get. Think before you send such messages. Life is a risk, what we do here is risky, but it shouldn't be dangerous. " Well said Lickety, it’s dangerous out there. X | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lets hope things improve, with the authorities and harsher laws. In the 1990s when I was a kid and my step father used to beat my mother, neighbours would call police but they would turn up then walk off as a ‘domestic issue’. Things have moved on this front in recent years but still more to do. Need to be tougher on third world cultures too not being continued here on women. They haven't moved on that much. Press reports of domestic homicides still talk about 'loving husband kills wife' and other such headlines. Shana Grice reported being stalked five times before her murder. She was fined by the police for wasting their time. We all just 'accept' that there will be more 'domestics' after football matches. They don't get much policing priority. Harsher laws and sentencing have not reduced the level of incidents. Prosecutions rarely happen and when they do go ahead often fail. Women telling their story are not considered reliable witnesses. We still face accusations of doing something to provoke the attack. " Depressing. It caused me nightmares for years after as a kid when I escaped, it is why I am so pro-equality for women. ‘Men’ like my step-father disgust me. The police are crap in many areas though lets face it. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call "The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm. We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lets hope things improve, with the authorities and harsher laws. In the 1990s when I was a kid and my step father used to beat my mother, neighbours would call police but they would turn up then walk off as a ‘domestic issue’. Things have moved on this front in recent years but still more to do. Need to be tougher on third world cultures too not being continued here on women. They haven't moved on that much. Press reports of domestic homicides still talk about 'loving husband kills wife' and other such headlines. Shana Grice reported being stalked five times before her murder. She was fined by the police for wasting their time. We all just 'accept' that there will be more 'domestics' after football matches. They don't get much policing priority. Harsher laws and sentencing have not reduced the level of incidents. Prosecutions rarely happen and when they do go ahead often fail. Women telling their story are not considered reliable witnesses. We still face accusations of doing something to provoke the attack. Depressing. It caused me nightmares for years after as a kid when I escaped, it is why I am so pro-equality for women. ‘Men’ like my step-father disgust me. The police are crap in many areas though lets face it. " Add CPS to that last line …. They decide on charge or not | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call
The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm.
We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ? "I've had a quick look at your thread and the reinforcing comments you have garnered. What is stimulating your need to make the same arguments here? I don't want an equal society. I want an equitable society. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call
The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm.
We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ?
I've had a quick look at your thread and the reinforcing comments you have garnered. What is stimulating your need to make the same arguments here?
I don't want an equal society. I want an equitable society."Well said xx | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
It's not just men, my mum, 80, said about the teacher "what was she doing walking there at that time of night" honestly... I was like mum... It was 8.30, she should be able to walk anywhere at anytime "Totally agree with this and there was a Woman on the news today who was asked by a reporter if she still felt safe on the street alone her response " Well if it can happen to Sarah it can happen to any of us and she wasn't dressed in a provocative way so it really could have happened to a lot in of women" What is a provocative way? and actually if I want to I should be able to walk down the street naked and not expect to be attacked or murdered. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
and who is doing the robbing/attacking? Men. We have every right to feel scared and unsafe, we’ve been taught ways to try and protect ourselves and we tell it to our children too.
Men need to call each other out on the behaviour - have the conversations, dont turn a blind eye "Sorry if I implied the fear men have or being violently assaulted by a stranger is in any way comparable to the fear of sexual assault. The two do not compare and are not experienced in the same way. If I tried to do that it would be as irrational as comparing the pain experienced by women in childbirth to a man being kicked in testicles. Crude example but goes to show how differently men and woman can experience the world. You are grossly overestimating the influence of approval from their male peers on men who sexually harrass women. Vast shifts in public opinion do not make a previously acceptable behaviour obsolete because there will always exist individuals who do not fear being rejected by wider society including their peer group. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
I wondered how long before a man would make this about them. Men will never ever face to problems we do. Ever."Well said  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call
The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm.
We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ?
I've had a quick look at your thread and the reinforcing comments you have garnered. What is stimulating your need to make the same arguments here?
I don't want an equal society. I want an equitable society."An equitable society when it comes to social justice & gender means the acceptance that inherent/immutable differences exist between individuals that cannot be overcome. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So does anyone actually have a realistic solution? Note the word realistic." Yes the realistic solution is that women should be able to voice their concerns and fear without being shouted down that would definitely be a start! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call
The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm.
We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ? "Because by and large, on average, men are bigger, stronger and faster than women. The men know it. The women know it. The man walking down the street with another man following may worry about the possibility of being robbed, but generally will not be worrying about the possibility of being r@ped. The woman walking down the street being followed by a man will be worrying firstly about the possibility of r@pe, secondly the possibility of being murdered after being r@ped, and only thirdly about the possibility of being robbed. Yes male on male r@pe occurs, but not as much as male on female r@pe. And society very much normalises and trivialises the concept of male violence against women. Male on male violence is portrayed as being about fighting, giving as good as getting, the underdog having a lucky break. Male on female violence is too often portrayed as something that women actually like! Rough sex - it's always the man being rough with the woman. Women shown as saying no but meaning yes. Workplace "touching up" being shown as something women actually enjoy. Etc. Not all portrayals, but enough that some men can build up a warped picture of the world where bad behaviour is normal behaviour. And don't start me on testosterone! That would fill an entire other thread. But it's poison, men are full of it, it can utterly warp judgement. Not all men. Nowhere near all men. But, you know, men don't come with a big flashing light over their heads saying "this one is safe" or "avoid this one, he's dangerous". So yeah, women on average are afraid of unknown men on average, because on average they are not equal. On average it's the man that r@pes and kills the woman. Not the other way around. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call
The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm.
We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ?
Because by and large, on average, men are bigger, stronger and faster than women. The men know it. The women know it.
The man walking down the street with another man following may worry about the possibility of being robbed, but generally will not be worrying about the possibility of being r@ped. The woman walking down the street being followed by a man will be worrying firstly about the possibility of r@pe, secondly the possibility of being murdered after being r@ped, and only thirdly about the possibility of being robbed.
Yes male on male r@pe occurs, but not as much as male on female r@pe.
And society very much normalises and trivialises the concept of male violence against women. Male on male violence is portrayed as being about fighting, giving as good as getting, the underdog having a lucky break. Male on female violence is too often portrayed as something that women actually like! Rough sex - it's always the man being rough with the woman. Women shown as saying no but meaning yes. Workplace "touching up" being shown as something women actually enjoy. Etc. Not all portrayals, but enough that some men can build up a warped picture of the world where bad behaviour is normal behaviour.
And don't start me on testosterone! That would fill an entire other thread. But it's poison, men are full of it, it can utterly warp judgement. Not all men. Nowhere near all men. But, you know, men don't come with a big flashing light over their heads saying "this one is safe" or "avoid this one, he's dangerous".
So yeah, women on average are afraid of unknown men on average, because on average they are not equal. On average it's the man that r@pes and kills the woman. Not the other way around."Oh deary me your paragraph on testosterone, wish I had a face palm emoji. Agree on some of your other points though | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So does anyone actually have a realistic solution? Note the word realistic. Yes the realistic solution is that women should be able to voice their concerns and fear without being shouted down that would definitely be a start!" You're right, they should, but still not a solution. There are evil people in this world to varying degrees. You could convince the majority of potential offenders to change their way, but it only takes one. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lol the war v testosterone. Fun fact; testosterone levels during fetal development have a long lasting effects on males that we are only just beginning to understand. Everything from penis size, risk of developing autism and future athletic ability are influenced by the fine balance of maternal and fetal testosterone balance which can fluctuate between pregnancies. "How does relate to women feeling unsafe? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call
The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm.
We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ?
Because by and large, on average, men are bigger, stronger and faster than women. The men know it. The women know it.
The man walking down the street with another man following may worry about the possibility of being robbed, but generally will not be worrying about the possibility of being r@ped. The woman walking down the street being followed by a man will be worrying firstly about the possibility of r@pe, secondly the possibility of being murdered after being r@ped, and only thirdly about the possibility of being robbed.
Yes male on male r@pe occurs, but not as much as male on female r@pe.
And society very much normalises and trivialises the concept of male violence against women. Male on male violence is portrayed as being about fighting, giving as good as getting, the underdog having a lucky break. Male on female violence is too often portrayed as something that women actually like! Rough sex - it's always the man being rough with the woman. Women shown as saying no but meaning yes. Workplace "touching up" being shown as something women actually enjoy. Etc. Not all portrayals, but enough that some men can build up a warped picture of the world where bad behaviour is normal behaviour.
And don't start me on testosterone! That would fill an entire other thread. But it's poison, men are full of it, it can utterly warp judgement. Not all men. Nowhere near all men. But, you know, men don't come with a big flashing light over their heads saying "this one is safe" or "avoid this one, he's dangerous".
So yeah, women on average are afraid of unknown men on average, because on average they are not equal. On average it's the man that r@pes and kills the woman. Not the other way around.
Oh deary me your paragraph on testosterone, wish I had a face palm emoji. Agree on some of your other points though"Trans people have greater awareness than many about the effects of sex hormones. We actually see friends physically and emotionally change under the effects of hormones. We see trans women become not just physically weaker, but gentler in character. We see trans men grow muscle mass and become more aggressive. Not all. But on average. It does make a difference, and some of these things are not obvious unless you are walking the line between genders. And yes it isn't really as clear cut as all men being different to all women. Testosterone levels vary greatly between men. Some women can have higher baseline levels of testosterone than some men do. Plus there are multiple genetic and developmental conditions that can and do blur the boundaries between genders - gobsmacking but true, there are more people with what are commonly termed "intersex" conditions than there are gingers. On average though, more men have high levels of testosterone than women, more men exhibit violent behaviour when they have high levels of testosterone than low levels. Not all. But there is no flashing light over mens heads saying "this one is safe", "this one is dangerous". | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"We all are aware of some male attitudes toward women, but what's unique about this case is how a profession ie the police, was used to deceive her. Positions of power in general,Celebrities Doctors, Teachers, Politicians and Aristocracy have gained power and used it to deceive their victims. Who police the police as asked on the radio yesterday. " . Why does everyone jump on bandwagons | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So does anyone actually have a realistic solution? Note the word realistic. Yes the realistic solution is that women should be able to voice their concerns and fear without being shouted down that would definitely be a start! You're right, they should, but still not a solution. There are evil people in this world to varying degrees. You could convince the majority of potential offenders to change their way, but it only takes one." Watch Louis Theroux visiting the sex “faculty” in America with some of the worst sex offenders and one solution is castration ! But when you see obviously deep sick individuals talk so candid about there crimes and they themselves choose that option in some cases ! Makes your skin crawl But one of the reasons they choose this they feel they will always have these sick urges no matter how much help they get! So it’s a problem that can’t be fixed ? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So does anyone actually have a realistic solution? Note the word realistic. Yes the realistic solution is that women should be able to voice their concerns and fear without being shouted down that would definitely be a start! You're right, they should, but still not a solution. There are evil people in this world to varying degrees. You could convince the majority of potential offenders to change their way, but it only takes one. Watch Louis Theroux visiting the sex “faculty” in America with some of the worst sex offenders and one solution is castration ! But when you see obviously deep sick individuals talk so candid about there crimes and they themselves choose that option in some cases ! Makes your skin crawl But one of the reasons they choose this they feel they will always have these sick urges no matter how much help they get! So it’s a problem that can’t be fixed ? " Its a problem that needs earlier recognition. We use PREVENT to safeguard vulnerable people in this country, if more communities and places of work administered the ethos into their daily lives then any areas of uncertainty would be highlighted earlier, then services could intervene. Unfortunately currently the problem is far bigger than the available help | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So does anyone actually have a realistic solution? Note the word realistic. Yes the realistic solution is that women should be able to voice their concerns and fear without being shouted down that would definitely be a start! You're right, they should, but still not a solution. There are evil people in this world to varying degrees. You could convince the majority of potential offenders to change their way, but it only takes one. Watch Louis Theroux visiting the sex “faculty” in America with some of the worst sex offenders and one solution is castration ! But when you see obviously deep sick individuals talk so candid about there crimes and they themselves choose that option in some cases ! Makes your skin crawl But one of the reasons they choose this they feel they will always have these sick urges no matter how much help they get! So it’s a problem that can’t be fixed ? Its a problem that needs earlier recognition. We use PREVENT to safeguard vulnerable people in this country, if more communities and places of work administered the ethos into their daily lives then any areas of uncertainty would be highlighted earlier, then services could intervene. Unfortunately currently the problem is far bigger than the available help "If your wired that way maybe it’s beyond help ? How many rapists reoffend when let out ?? Ok I’m not disagreeing at all it’s just a touchy one ! Especially how fresh the subject matter is ! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Rarely do I contribute to threads as I’m a bit of thinker of my own failings so tend to keep my opinions to myself but bear with me... The death penalty is the only real deterrent for crimes of such magnitude as we have seen only to often. The details of Sarah’s abduction and final moment brought tears to my eyes, tears of anger, hurt, shame and pity for Sarah and her family. I was transported to feelings of what if that was my sister, niece, mum. I don’t know how life for me could go on. I don’t see the death penalty as an eye for an eye, a life for a life but as a serious deterrent to those who have the slightest notion of committing crimes of absolute barbarism. Enough is enough and has been for far to long now. Sara Payne Holly Wells & Jessica Chapman Sarah The list is to agonising to continue....crimes that spiked my heart with fear, fear for those I love and fear for women who just want to live their lives. Enough I’d enough. Mr J " The death penalty is not a deterrent. If it was then all the countries that use it would be crime free right? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Rarely do I contribute to threads as I’m a bit of thinker of my own failings so tend to keep my opinions to myself but bear with me... The death penalty is the only real deterrent for crimes of such magnitude as we have seen only to often. The details of Sarah’s abduction and final moment brought tears to my eyes, tears of anger, hurt, shame and pity for Sarah and her family. I was transported to feelings of what if that was my sister, niece, mum. I don’t know how life for me could go on. I don’t see the death penalty as an eye for an eye, a life for a life but as a serious deterrent to those who have the slightest notion of committing crimes of absolute barbarism. Enough is enough and has been for far to long now. Sara Payne Holly Wells & Jessica Chapman Sarah The list is to agonising to continue....crimes that spiked my heart with fear, fear for those I love and fear for women who just want to live their lives. Enough I’d enough. Mr J The death penalty is not a deterrent. If it was then all the countries that use it would be crime free right?" I'd add to that that when someone is committing a crime their intention is usually not to get caught | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
he knows men are the problem and he's nothing but supportive of my concerns.
It's a huge issue and I'm not hopeful things will ever get better. I don't have all the answers unfortunately, none of us do. But a great start is to not make this about you when nobody is dismissing your issues in the first place. And stand up for women, talk back to males who hold disgusting and troublesome ingrained views against females and let them know it isn't OK, call out bullshit behaviou, never defend people who are doing something wrong and support women. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As a note. I find it strange and sad how when someone tells of their experiences, others then shout “that’s not true” or “ my experience is worse” as opposed to just listening. We don’t do that in other situations or with regard to other topics, so why in reference to sexual and personal safety? " Are you sure? Every thread has someone disagreeing with someone | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As a note. I find it strange and sad how when someone tells of their experiences, others then shout “that’s not true” or “ my experience is worse” as opposed to just listening. We don’t do that in other situations or with regard to other topics, so why in reference to sexual and personal safety? Are you sure? Every thread has someone disagreeing with someone" It’s part and parcel init ! But even the lighthearted threads get people jumping on with negative opinions ! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As a note. I find it strange and sad how when someone tells of their experiences, others then shout “that’s not true” or “ my experience is worse” as opposed to just listening. We don’t do that in other situations or with regard to other topics, so why in reference to sexual and personal safety? Are you sure? Every thread has someone disagreeing with someone It’s part and parcel init ! But even the lighthearted threads get people jumping on with negative opinions ! "And that's their right. It's what makes the forum appealing and interesting. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As a note. I find it strange and sad how when someone tells of their experiences, others then shout “that’s not true” or “ my experience is worse” as opposed to just listening. We don’t do that in other situations or with regard to other topics, so why in reference to sexual and personal safety? Are you sure? Every thread has someone disagreeing with someone It’s part and parcel init ! But even the lighthearted threads get people jumping on with negative opinions !
And that's their right. It's what makes the forum appealing and interesting. "Read the first part again maybe you didn’t pick up my slang I do tend to do that But yeah I agree | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As a note. I find it strange and sad how when someone tells of their experiences, others then shout “that’s not true” or “ my experience is worse” as opposed to just listening. We don’t do that in other situations or with regard to other topics, so why in reference to sexual and personal safety? Are you sure? Every thread has someone disagreeing with someone It’s part and parcel init ! But even the lighthearted threads get people jumping on with negative opinions !
And that's their right. It's what makes the forum appealing and interesting.
Read the first part again maybe you didn’t pick up my slang I do tend to do that
But yeah I agree "It's all good I understood the first time around. It was more a point made to the masses | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I have been ignorant to the aggression and violence that takes place daily on women. I have understood I can make a difference by speaking up when I see aggression by men, by listening to the stories of women and not belittling their experiences. We as men are part of the problem of other men’s bad behaviour when we show ignorance through being silent or perpetuating through our inaction. " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I was going to post this on the Wayne Couzens thread but I noticed it had some personal posts honouring Sarah Everard. Counting Dead Women is an account on Twitter that monitors and reports the number of women killed by men or when men are the primary suspects. Last week they reported that at least 106 women have been killed so far this year. 80 since Sarah Everard was murdered. In May the Met finally apologised for officers taking pictures of Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman and sharing them on WhatsApp. Two weeks ago Sabina Nessa was murdered. If you haven't read Sarah Everard's mother's impact statement, you should. If you haven't seen Nazir Afzal's interview on the BBC today, watch it. Look up Kirsty Wark's Blurred Lines from 2014. Of course not all men kill women, but enough do for us to be justified in our fears. Pause before joining in on what condemning women on here as women being demanding, time wasting and fussy. I choose to spend time exchanging messages because I want to feel safe when I do finally meet. We don't have real names or information that might help identify someone. Men that ask me for a photo when they have none of their own ("I need to protect my identity") aren't going to get what they want, and then call me stuck up. There's more, and you've all read enough threads to know the sorts of messages women get. Think before you send such messages. Life is a risk, what we do here is risky, but it shouldn't be dangerous. "
Agreed hun xx | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Rarely do I contribute to threads as I’m a bit of thinker of my own failings so tend to keep my opinions to myself but bear with me... The death penalty is the only real deterrent for crimes of such magnitude as we have seen only to often. The details of Sarah’s abduction and final moment brought tears to my eyes, tears of anger, hurt, shame and pity for Sarah and her family. I was transported to feelings of what if that was my sister, niece, mum. I don’t know how life for me could go on. I don’t see the death penalty as an eye for an eye, a life for a life but as a serious deterrent to those who have the slightest notion of committing crimes of absolute barbarism. Enough is enough and has been for far to long now. Sara Payne Holly Wells & Jessica Chapman Sarah The list is to agonising to continue....crimes that spiked my heart with fear, fear for those I love and fear for women who just want to live their lives. Enough I’d enough. Mr J The death penalty is not a deterrent. If it was then all the countries that use it would be crime free right?" No absolutely not...a deterrent from all crime does not exist in my humble opinion. Let’s look at it this way. If 100 people were thinking plotting to commit the crime Wayne Couzens did but 50 of them actually thought if I go through with this and caught them it’s death by lethal injection, and it actually prevent them seeing it through then the deterrent is there and had worked. What was going to stop him seeing the crime through? It wasn’t his family. It wasn’t his home. It wasn’t his job. Maybe just maybe the awful spectre of a death penalty would have changed the course of his actions. I don’t know and I have no hard data to present....it’s just my view on this. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call
The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm.
We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ?
I've had a quick look at your thread and the reinforcing comments you have garnered. What is stimulating your need to make the same arguments here?
I don't want an equal society. I want an equitable society.
An equitable society when it comes to social justice & gender means the acceptance that inherent/immutable differences exist between individuals that cannot be overcome.
"Thank you so much for explaining to me what I mean. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So does anyone actually have a realistic solution? Note the word realistic." I humbly suggest that 'man up' comes to mean admitting faults, weaknesses and embracing behaving better. Sexual and abusive violence is about power and men have had the privilege of enjoying wielding that power with very few consequences. You are the solution. I am the solution. It's not some magic out there. Start treating people with respect. Move on to changing what you can to wield power for good and not for the thrill of belittling someone else. Call out misogyny when you see it - be an ally. And don't assault, r*pe and kill women and girls. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So does anyone actually have a realistic solution? Note the word realistic. Yes the realistic solution is that women should be able to voice their concerns and fear without being shouted down that would definitely be a start! You're right, they should, but still not a solution. There are evil people in this world to varying degrees. You could convince the majority of potential offenders to change their way, but it only takes one." These 'evil people' are fathers, sons, uncles, best friends etc. They are loved and defended and are not evil to the vast majority of people that meet them. Othering what is actually common and accepted behaviour as 'evil' is to give it a pass. The touching up, the sexist jokes, the misogynistic behaviour is 'just being friendly, luv. Don't be so uptight'. I know a lot of men, and some women, view me as a sanctimonious bitch on here. I've had years of raising these points because something always happens to make them newsworthy for a day or so. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Rarely do I contribute to threads as I’m a bit of thinker of my own failings so tend to keep my opinions to myself but bear with me... The death penalty is the only real deterrent for crimes of such magnitude as we have seen only to often. The details of Sarah’s abduction and final moment brought tears to my eyes, tears of anger, hurt, shame and pity for Sarah and her family. I was transported to feelings of what if that was my sister, niece, mum. I don’t know how life for me could go on. I don’t see the death penalty as an eye for an eye, a life for a life but as a serious deterrent to those who have the slightest notion of committing crimes of absolute barbarism. Enough is enough and has been for far to long now. Sara Payne Holly Wells & Jessica Chapman Sarah The list is to agonising to continue....crimes that spiked my heart with fear, fear for those I love and fear for women who just want to live their lives. Enough I’d enough. Mr J " The death penalty does not prevent these crimes. No serious offender thinks they will be caught. Look at countries that have the death penalty or high rates of life sentencing and you do not see lower murder or serious crime rates. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If you're on Twitter, check out the post by Josh Weed on modesty culture "It's an old tweet (2017), but the comments have a particular resonance against this background | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So does anyone actually have a realistic solution? Note the word realistic. Yes the realistic solution is that women should be able to voice their concerns and fear without being shouted down that would definitely be a start! You're right, they should, but still not a solution. There are evil people in this world to varying degrees. You could convince the majority of potential offenders to change their way, but it only takes one. Watch Louis Theroux visiting the sex “faculty” in America with some of the worst sex offenders and one solution is castration ! But when you see obviously deep sick individuals talk so candid about there crimes and they themselves choose that option in some cases ! Makes your skin crawl But one of the reasons they choose this they feel they will always have these sick urges no matter how much help they get! So it’s a problem that can’t be fixed ? Its a problem that needs earlier recognition. We use PREVENT to safeguard vulnerable people in this country, if more communities and places of work administered the ethos into their daily lives then any areas of uncertainty would be highlighted earlier, then services could intervene. Unfortunately currently the problem is far bigger than the available help
If your wired that way maybe it’s beyond help ?
How many rapists reoffend when let out ??
Ok I’m not disagreeing at all it’s just a touchy one !
Especially how fresh the subject matter is !
"IT'S NOT FRESH! 106 women have died this year! If you're viewing it as fresh because one of these was murdered by a bad policeman then even that isn't that fresh. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I sometimes sit down and vent to my partner about how unsafe I feel as a woman and how I fear for my daughter and all other females because of men. I've done this hundreds of times, and not once has he ever turned around and demanded a solution nor has he ever been offended and made it about himself and #NotAllMen he knows men are the problem and he's nothing but supportive of my concerns.
It's a huge issue and I'm not hopeful things will ever get better. I don't have all the answers unfortunately, none of us do. But a great start is to not make this about you when nobody is dismissing your issues in the first place. And stand up for women, talk back to males who hold disgusting and troublesome ingrained views against females and let them know it isn't OK, call out bullshit behaviou, never defend people who are doing something wrong and support women. " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I have been ignorant to the aggression and violence that takes place daily on women. I have understood I can make a difference by speaking up when I see aggression by men, by listening to the stories of women and not belittling their experiences. We as men are part of the problem of other men’s bad behaviour when we show ignorance through being silent or perpetuating through our inaction. " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I find it incredibly sad, that women still fear men, are still not seen as equals in body or mind, there is still systemic abuse by the dozen for women, so common most don't even see the issue. I have fear of the police themselves, they have crawled behind me in blacked out car at silly o'clock in morn in an area that is known for dragging women in cars & took me to court- thankfully in this one case they got a ballocking off judge for wasting time (hadn't done nothing, Swiss army knife are legal) & their behaviour I've had police refuse to believe my story to the point they threatened me with removing my kids to get me to sign a statement saying I lied & had 6 bodies at the door to prevent me from leaving without assaulting someone. I've had police on multiple occasions threaten me by using my status as single mum with hidden disabilities as a weapon against me largely via social work. I've had police refuse to investigate and believe dangerous stalker accounts...I trust police least of all....this is what Sarah's case really highlights, failures time & again to believe women & systemic abuses towards them. Emma Caldwell I knew in younger days, she was a horse riding instructor & her lessons made me the rider I am. she was murdered & dumped, they know who her killer is but due to Not investigating properly in first place due to being seen as less than for being an addict & sex worker at time...not that she was a very lost & hurt person who had the knowledge of having a short life (her family have a genetic defect that causes death prior to 30, her sister had already died & last time I seen her, her rock which a horse was put down due to injury) That less than view caused evidence was lost & this man is known as a female abuser, is allowed to continue freely living. Almost every woman killed has reported the man behind it & the ones who prey pick have reports against them already...they are known but we're not protected. It's incredibly sad that I, like many are also statistically more likely to die at the hands of a man than by any other cause due to history & unseen vulnerabilities" Thank you for sharing; I'm so sorry that you have experienced this abuse from the police. Your post highlights the other major aspect of all of this: Good/pure/innocent women vs What-did-they-expect/sex workers/addicts/sluts. The judge reinforced this in his summing up. Just as the narrative changed on the Yorkshire Ripper when he started killing women not in sex work. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I fully agree. Just been in a discussion with a man who said we need to choose ‘safer options’. With no comprehension that this attitude only adds to the problem. I despair
Except it doesn't add to the problem? You can hold that view and still assign blame on the men who harrass and attack women.
Unless the problem is less about male violence and more about getting to experience day-to-day life exactly as men do.
Well I've got news to you. Even men have to be aware of the personal safety when walking the streets alone or in unfamiliar environments. Yes the fear of being r#ped is far from the forefront of our mind but being robbed/attacked is.
And I've got news for you... we never ever ever tried to deny or belittle men being fearful.
If you really think the problem is women wanting to experience day to day life as a man you need yer head testing and a wake up call
The entire debate is centered around highlighting how women have to navigate everyday scenarios differently to men & the impact it has on their ability to live a fulfilling life free from harm.
We want to live in an equal society above all else so why do we have profoundly different reactions to the same stimuli (example: a man who appears to be walking the same route as me at 11pm at night down a quiet poorly lit steet) ?
I've had a quick look at your thread and the reinforcing comments you have garnered. What is stimulating your need to make the same arguments here?
I don't want an equal society. I want an equitable society.
An equitable society when it comes to social justice & gender means the acceptance that inherent/immutable differences exist between individuals that cannot be overcome.
Thank you so much for explaining to me what I mean."Love this….this has happened a lot during this thread by the same two people over and over. We understand what we write!! Fucking mansplaining | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If you're on Twitter, check out the post by Josh Weed on modesty culture "Good shout. I'd forgotten about that. You don't need to be ON TwitTwat to read it. Just search the name, #ModestyCulture and Twitter and you can read it that way. Also, read Marina Hyde's column: All women know they are prey. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/oct/01/women-prey-authority-violence-against-women | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
