FabSwingers.com forum: Broken

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

This is a thought that has been knocking around my head for a little while, so I thought that I’d put this out there for you folks to ruminate on too.

Are we all a little bit broken in ourselves? Not just in terms of our scars and how they affect us but in terms of not wanting to be scarred again and how that impacts our future?

How do we reconcile ourselves with that, is it an issue or is it just part of life?

Do you take pains to try to not be affected by your past or is it your defining traits now?

I’m in work so I won’t be able to answer folks too much but please, your thoughts folks

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I'm definitely scarred from a previous relationship fail. And I'm bloody determined never to go through that level of heartache again. Even if it would mean living the rest of my life alone.

Although I never actively tried to end things, I decided quite definitely how I would do it IF it ever came to it. Which cropped up in a couple of counseling assessments....

I'm in a much better place now, by the way, so don't worry about anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mind is a bit like the house

Everything is neatly boxed away

Every so often, I take it all out

Some bits get thrown out, others get dusted off, considered and put get back in their box

There are other things that I think 'I can use that now' and it comes out of its box and put to use

(Post courtesy of the Ministry of Useless Analogies

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not broken. Responding in a perfectly reasonable way to something you found intolerable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think everyone can be a little broken at times.

Broken crayons still colour the same though. Thats what I tell myself.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

I’m a bugger for boxing up to deal with it later.

Sometimes I run out of storage space.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

The box analogy is a good one to use…. When you are going through good mental health you can deal with issues and box them away completely and move on… with struggles mean these boxes aren’t closed off and left open and before you know it you have loads of issues in your head x

Exercise works for me to refocus and set… and also talking… being open with someone you trust xx

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Sure I think most people are. I certainly am. I think you gotta be aware first and understand why you act a certain way and how it limits you, many people are not aware it’s auto. Then you can start to free yourself from react/respond mentality and take risks and choose

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

"I think everyone can be a little broken at times.

Broken crayons still colour the same though. Thats what I tell myself. "

I love that little quote

mine is

‘the moon is a reminder that no matter what phase we are in we are alway whole’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My past doesn't define me.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit broken, Broken crayons still colour.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I don't like these terms like broken or failure.

Life happens and affects us; it doesn't mean we are broken.

We are immensely complex biological organisms that react and interact differently to others and different situations.

I'm not broken, I'm handling things differently to other people.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

[Removed by poster at 30/09/21 11:51:06]

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

My past doesn’t define me but it does influence me. I’m less tolerant of the way things make me feel that I don’t want to feel. I tend to walk away but I can evaluate and return but with different expectations. This way I can still enjoy something but in a different way

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I wouldn't say broken I've learnt from the past and when someone or something is not worth bothering with anymore and it's time to move on. Whereas when I was younger I would give people chance after chance now I don't anymore.Life is a learning curve and we learn from what has happened to us no matter how tough it was at the time I don't believe it leaves you broken just more aware in case it happens again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you've been hurt recently (I seem to remember you may have been OP) then I think it's natural to not want to encounter that again. It's excruciating. It feels like being battered and swept away by strong winds. Time has to pass before that feeling will lessen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My past has meant that I have put up walls and it’s hard for people to get inside them. I share only want I am comfortable with as this is very different depending on who the person is and my level of trust with that person.

I feel very lucky that someone is allowing me to open up on things that I’ve always kept inside from past experiences.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

My ex is trying to break me by using my Children. My health has been affected and certainly my mental health. But recently decided to start to use this as my moment, that time we all go through something that has to be endured but will eventually end.

I see a light at the end of the tunnel as a date has been given, it’s just out of reach currently. However I intend to stay strong and focused so I can eventually live again without this burden I’m shouldering.

So I’m not broken just a bit cracked currently.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

No one is broken. They just cannot accept that their new shape is the whole and therefore live in denial.

The minute you accept yourself for who you are is the minute you stop looking under the coffee table for the missing piece

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its all part of lifes rich tapestry,part of lifes journey, into every life some rain must fall

Or to use an electrical analogy, every time we stumble or life throws a curved ball, hopefully the mental fuse is increased , secret might be not to blow the fuse, easier said than done xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t like the term broken, it implies that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.

We all have life experiences, things that hurt, but that doesn’t mean we’re broken, we’re changed, put on a different path, see things differently or learn, but never broken.

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By *_elia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

Gaffe tape and industrial superglue!! Seems to be working.. but I might need some putty filler cracks are showing....

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

I think everyone has experienced some kind of hurt and pain in life? I find it hard to fully trust people, Especially after my past and the ex. Does it make me broken or just cautious? Sometimes we can all put up an protective guard and put on a face! Because sometimes being honest with our feelings you can feel vulnerable and weak.

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

"I don’t like the term broken, it implies that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.

We all have life experiences, things that hurt, but that doesn’t mean we’re broken, we’re changed, put on a different path, see things differently or learn, but never broken. "

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By *lectrumMan
over a year ago

south shields

It’s all part of the journey called life,the ups and downs the experiences and situations we go through on our path to reincarnation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I break easily, but I'm never broken (maybe temporarily).

You know the old addages you can't please all the people all the time and can't be all things to all men, well as much as I know these are true, and I have been hurt before; I still try. It's when that trying fails, I feel like 'I' have failed and let whomever down. That's what breaks me.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"My mind is a bit like the house

Everything is neatly boxed away

Every so often, I take it all out

Some bits get thrown out, others get dusted off, considered and put get back in their box

There are other things that I think 'I can use that now' and it comes out of its box and put to use

(Post courtesy of the Ministry of Useless Analogies

) "

I have boxes in my head 2! Some of the stuff up there I very rarely lift the lid! As it's very painfull to let it out! But that said everthing in those boxes has shaped me into who I am now! And I think I'm an ok person despite it all x

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I wouldn’t say broken that sounds like something can never be fixed.

As you go through life things happen, how you deal with them is what matters. Things may hurt but you cannot let it consume you, deal with it, file it, look forwards. In doing so you are naturally going to build walls to stop that experience happening easily again, if you don’t you haven’t learnt from the lesson. So in part, yes your past does control aspects of you in the future.

You can eventually heal and let someone else in, it shouldn’t feel like a chore just more a natural willingness to do so.

Everyone is different and no matter what others say to you, only you know if you are ready and able to do so, along with when.

I’d add it doesn’t mean you are heartless, uncaring of others or emotionally void, more you choose very carefully who gets to see that side of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn’t say broken that sounds like something can never be fixed.

You can eventually heal and let someone else in, it shouldn’t feel like a chore just more a natural willingness to do so.

Everyone is different and no matter what others say to you, only you know if you are ready and able to do so, along with when.

I’d add it doesn’t mean you are heartless, uncaring of others or emotionally void, more you choose very carefully who gets to see that side of you.

Thanks for today S. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need a kitsungi repair kit. And less clumsy hands to deal with the things that trigger me. And boundaries. Healthy and strong.

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Scars show that you survived something hard and tough and lived to tell the tale.

Everything has to break down to be built up stronger than before. This is the significance of The Tower card in tarot if anyone is a follower of it.

And don’t forget butterflies turn into squishy messes before breaking out of tough chrysalis to become butterflies. (And moths, we are inclusive here)

And other waffly stuff quotes

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Disillusioned at times not broken

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"My past doesn't define me.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit broken, Broken crayons still colour. "

Without picking on you and with respect, aren’t those two different things?

If you recognise that you’re broken then isn’t the past defining you?

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"If you've been hurt recently (I seem to remember you may have been OP) then I think it's natural to not want to encounter that again. It's excruciating. It feels like being battered and swept away by strong winds. Time has to pass before that feeling will lessen. "

That’s very true and I am indeed in the middle of massive change and pain.

This thread is less about my experiences though and more about others.

As I try to plot my route and build my way back to the person that I recognise, I’ve realised that a lot of people have been in similar situations as myself. I’m interested in how the scars that we carry affect and influence us, how we heal and what influences those situations make on us.

It does have a foot in my current situation but only a step, if that makes sense?

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"My ex is trying to break me by using my Children. My health has been affected and certainly my mental health. But recently decided to start to use this as my moment, that time we all go through something that has to be endured but will eventually end.

So I’m not broken just a bit cracked currently.

I hope that things work out as you hope and that you come through this well

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t like the term broken, it implies that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.

We all have life experiences, things that hurt, but that doesn’t mean we’re broken, we’re changed, put on a different path, see things differently or learn, but never broken. "

That’s a fair point.

My phrasing most likely leaves a lot to be desired and no offence was meant.

Perhaps it’s influenced by how I’m feeling currently

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’d like to say thank you to those of you that have posted, I realise that it can be a difficult topic and pretty much everyone has endured pain of some sort, it’s what makes us human.

If nothing else, this thread is also a story of hope. Hope for anyone who is dealing with anything now or is unsure of how the past influences futures

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Keep plodding on plodding x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t like the term broken, it implies that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.

We all have life experiences, things that hurt, but that doesn’t mean we’re broken, we’re changed, put on a different path, see things differently or learn, but never broken.

That’s a fair point.

My phrasing most likely leaves a lot to be desired and no offence was meant.

Perhaps it’s influenced by how I’m feeling currently"

It’s not a criticism of you, I’m just not keen on the term. Tuberose mentioned Kintsugi above, the Japanese art of repairing broken bowls etc with gold or silver. That’s how I see us, we can be put back together and be more beautiful/stronger, whatever applies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep getting caught between letting the past be the past as can't change it or try and understand why it affects me today

There is no doubt that some of the things that happened have led to some of the traits and issues I have now

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I don't think the idea of us as broken really works for me.

When one builds muscle it's done by creating tiny micro-tears in existing muscle fibres, allowing them to reform in a stronger way. I'd rather think that all of my life experiences have made me stronger in a similar way - pain that allows for growth.

Sure, sometimes shit is incredibly painful and I need to take time to regroup and recover, but rest and recovery isn't being broken.

We're all still here, so collectively our track record for surviving the shit that life throws at us is 100%. That's worth celebrating.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think we all have wounds and scars, at various stages of healing. Like all our experiences, they help shape who we are.

I don't think anyone is broken, although I'm not going to deny anyone how they want to describe themselves - everyone's journey is different. Sometimes labels can be empowering. We deal more or less well with our wounding. It's all a work in progress, and can always be worked on further.

The workload, working on ourselves, needs to be triaged. Some traumas do have to wait for a quieter time - others will ravage your existence until you deal with them. I don't think anything can be ignored forever, or else it'll twist us in ways we don't want and can't predict.

We are healing, we are incomplete. Broken? I don't think so. Living to fight another day.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don’t like the term broken, it implies that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.

We all have life experiences, things that hurt, but that doesn’t mean we’re broken, we’re changed, put on a different path, see things differently or learn, but never broken.

That’s a fair point.

My phrasing most likely leaves a lot to be desired and no offence was meant.

Perhaps it’s influenced by how I’m feeling currently

I like that analogy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Broken is ok, the parts are smashed but still there. A mosaic can be moved around to make something new.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all carry mental and emotional scar tissue. Life in general and our experiences often change our behaviours and that's what you are referring to OP.

Other people have expressed reluctance to use the word broken ... and I can understand that. Childhood trauma left me a broken person, full of flaws and lost potential.

I went to therapy to get help with my broken-ness.

And after 4 years I know I am still broken.

But it's ok. Because everyone carries scars and everyone has triggers. Even people not broken have triggers and exhibit behaviour that has negative impacts on them.

Some of my favourite people are broken like me. We share a resilience and a delicacy with life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm woke to the fact that I will not be able to maintain a "normal" relationship with anyone ever again. I have a few FBs that I get to enjoy from time to time and find everything else at clubs or events. If I find someone reliable on here that's looking for no strings fun and is drama free then cool. If not I'll just go on being me and living mi vida loca

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The first Councillor I spoke to about my abuse described me as a badly packed suitcase that couldn't close.

In therapy I could take all the laundry out, look at it, fold it up and pack it away neatly.

My suitcase closes much better now

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

The Midnight - "Light Years"

"I fell in love with a feeling

And your funny faces

You were beautiful and broken

In all the right places"

Love that. Don't know why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Built lots of walls, retract, heal, evaluate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The first Councillor I spoke to about my abuse described me as a badly packed suitcase that couldn't close.

In therapy I could take all the laundry out, look at it, fold it up and pack it away neatly.

My suitcase closes much better now"

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Having read through the rest of this thread,I'm going to re-evaluate my original reply (which was done quickly, and the topic triggered me in some way, I guess)

Maybe I'm not broken, and possibly never was as I still functioned at a basic level and could look after myself and hold down my job - although I stopped eating and lost 2-3 stone, but I needed to and si ultimately it was a help - but I'm definitely different now. And I actually feel different.

It does feel like part of me died back then, but maybe I've just subconsciously boxed it away in my mind to deal with later.

I'm certainly making a conscious effort not to repeat the mistakes I made last time, so maybe did learn something after all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My past doesn't define me.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit broken, Broken crayons still colour.

Without picking on you and with respect, aren’t those two different things?

If you recognise that you’re broken then isn’t the past defining you? "

I can cope with being picked on

I can see what you're saying. There probably should if been more words and an actual explanation in between those two lines.

I've definitely had moments of thinking I was beyond repair, phrases like the above were pointed out to me and stuck in my head as a constant reminder that while I didn't feel like I was moving forward, I actually was, just maybe a bit slower than normal. I wouldn't necessarily class myself as broken nowadays, although I probably have a few cracks here and there. I'm stubborn and bloody minded for the most part so I refuse to let my past be a definition of who I am but I do have to accept that it plays a part of some of me. I've made peace with that.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I ain't broken, I'm just different to the person I was before the traumatic experiences.

If we were broken we would continue making the exact same mistakes and NOT learning. Our responses and fears are our body doing what it's designed to do - survive.

Of course there are times when there's a misfire and we're fearful of ALL relationships for example. However we do know that not all result in heartache etc, not all are dangerous, abusive or built on bullshit.

I personally think it comes down to what you value most as to whether you're open to getting back out there.

I value inner peace, and for me, right now, that comes with my own company and that of friends. Of being self sufficient even though it would be far easier with another income coming into the household from a partner. Of not relying on anyone.

Other people will value a relationship therefore will get keep on keeping on with an open mind, but very probably with caution. Neither are wrong as long as the reasoning behind the decision is recognised and healthy.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Jesus… I’m not broken but I’m certainly affected by shit that’s happened historically. I’ve learnt to be very self sufficient and am open yet closed at the same time. I recognise my red flags and act on them. When stuff gets too much I’ll cut ties and remove people rather than put up with behaviour I’m not comfortable with. I’m spiky as Fuck but I need to be for my own mental health. Self preservation first always.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think everyone can be a little broken at times.

Broken crayons still colour the same though. Thats what I tell myself. "

that is so sweet and endearing, love it.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I wouldn't say broken, possibly slightly bruised.

However I am wary of letting anyone else back in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not quite broken but definitely damaged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t like the term broken, it implies that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.

We all have life experiences, things that hurt, but that doesn’t mean we’re broken, we’re changed, put on a different path, see things differently or learn, but never broken.

That’s a fair point.

My phrasing most likely leaves a lot to be desired and no offence was meant.

Perhaps it’s influenced by how I’m feeling currently

I realised i spelled it wrong ! Thanks lovely. Not enough sleep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d like to say thank you to those of you that have posted, I realise that it can be a difficult topic and pretty much everyone has endured pain of some sort, it’s what makes us human.

If nothing else, this thread is also a story of hope. Hope for anyone who is dealing with anything now or is unsure of how the past influences futures"

Thank you for starting the thread. One showing the resilience of the human spirit.

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By *ehind closed curtainsCouple
over a year ago

East Midlands

We go by the adage "Those that ride a little blood will break a little bone" - so if you don't live you won't break but also won't experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t define myself as broken, I’m damaged but the scars tell a tale of being a survivor. As for my past defining me, it does affect me now, I have walls that I need to protect me from ever being hurt like that again. But with time and patience they can come down x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone can have bits broken from their soul at any moment(severe health issues, relationships, careers, grief). You're broken when you don't want to admit the loss.Pretending that you can forget the past doesn't work, the scar will be always there. You're healed and stronger when you learn how to put yourself together in such way so you cannot be affected anymore.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

"This is a thought that has been knocking around my head for a little while, so I thought that I’d put this out there for you folks to ruminate on too.

Are we all a little bit broken in ourselves? Not just in terms of our scars and how they affect us but in terms of not wanting to be scarred again and how that impacts our future?

How do we reconcile ourselves with that, is it an issue or is it just part of life?

Do you take pains to try to not be affected by your past or is it your defining traits now?

I’m in work so I won’t be able to answer folks too much but please, your thoughts folks"

I'm thinking the part of us that doesn't want to be scarred again IS a egos natural response to the previous wounds. Protection.

We are wounded in life.. and unless enough healing happens.. I think Life's suffering just knocks the top off the same wound until it has been fully noticed.

How I reconcile is to accept that suffering is a part of our existence. As much as joy, happiness, contentment, fulfillment etc. Sometimes more than other times. Some people experience more than others.

All we can do is stay open to possibilities.. for things to be different. Impermanence can be my friend, but only once I've fully acknowledged what is right now.

When revisiting familiar wounds.. It's never quite the same as last time.. I try to remember that.

And regarding the affects of the past.. We're constantly in flux. Sub/un/conscious flowing. Its just the human condition.

I think its OK to wrap up for a while until we can trust ourselves with the future. Sometimes I remind myself that me now is exactly where I'm meant to be. I trust that.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

I almostforgot the most important bit!!!

I don't believe we are broken. I think we are grieving. Grief is a huge part of life and we start very early. We're not taught this.. It's Only acknowledged perhaps when someone close dies. But actually, life is full of complex grief. Understanding this helps me loads on the road!