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Sub and Dom play

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?"

Great question OP.

I’m sure that which ever aspect you take out has to be in your personality to begin with so it become an extension of who you are.

I would not call myself any of these though I do have a caring protective nature so I cross into a few labels. Though I have been known to switch with the right person I generally take the lead but not in a domme way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many Kinky BDSM people take themselves far too seriously. Just go with the flow, have an open conversation and your dynamic will be what it will be.

I consider myself as a Dom. But labels are just labels and fails to convey the fine nuances that we are. We learn from each dynamic and no 2 dynamics are ever the same.

In short, your role play can be 24/7 or it can be for play time sessions only. There’s no rules.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I'm mainly submissive and no it does not reflect who I am day to day. If you came across us in daily life you'd no way think I was submissive to M.

Submissive is a broad spectrum of things and I could give myself a million and one different labels. But the only one that is important is happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?"

I am dominant, but I see myself more as a guide and a teacher. I help my partners explore their sexuality. They know they can discuss and make happen their deepest fantasies and that every time we meet it's special and different. It does involve them having to submit, obey, be tied up, or be lead naked on a leash across the floor at a TG party, but those are just things that make it easier for them to get into the submissive state of mind. What they come to me for is my imagination.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Interesting answers, at the moment I think there are both. Some wanting to break away from their responsibilities of normal life and abandon themselves to the Will of others. While others want to explore those traits they have, interestingly both are giving something from what I can tell.

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

It’s an extension of my job role I suppose…. Not a switch and not sure I could ever be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Using labels, I'm a switch (amongst many other things) I try to avoid lables as much as possible though.

My natural day to day side is my dominate side, the submissive part of me is reserved for my partner only. It's my way of handing the reigns over and switching off.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It’s an extension of my job role I suppose…. Not a switch and not sure I could ever be "

I'd imagine there are a lot like yourself, just using those characteristics in a slightly different way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Using labels, I'm a switch (amongst many other things) I try to avoid lables as much as possible though.

My natural day to day side is my dominate side, the submissive part of me is reserved for my partner only. It's my way of handing the reigns over and switching off. "

There's definitely something in the relinquishing control and, as you say, switching off. Do you find it's good for stress relief?

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We play in a D/s role but it’s just an aspect of our play. We aren’t like that all the time.

In everyday life both of us run our own businesses and are in control. We have an equal relationship…neither of us taking control.

If we are gearing up to a D/s session then more often than not we will revert to our roles in the build up. Me instructing C to do certain things…

It’s whatever you find that works for both of you.

K

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Interesting question OP.

There’s a fairly new podcast called Ask a Sub which I’m really enjoying.

Also, there’s an informal BDSM get-together next week in the West Mids organised by MasterRopeKnot (he’s here in the forums). Details on his profile or there’s a thread called Cake and Rope. Lots of friendly people are going (myself included) ranging from newbies to veterans!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a sub, and a little (without age play), and I’m in a Ddlg dynamic too.

Although I can be dominant at times, I think the sub/little (which is more teenagery), is an extension of me, and has allowed me to recognise and embrace that side of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?"

Awesome questions and I'm sure it would break the max number of allowed posts several times over

You're opening Pandora's box

I'm a Dom to some, a Top to others, an equal partner to some, subordinate to a few, a friend to a few (might need to see about getting more friends) and a pain in the ass to most people that have known me for a while.

I flow through of those states on a day to day basis. So yeah sometime, as others have said, it's a role I take up for play time. All of the time it's being there when someone I care about needs me.

As a good friend of mine once said to me, "you're not A Dom, you're my Dom" this was born out of the fact that I saw many people strolling around calling themselves Dom and acting like everyone should bow before them!

I can't be a Dom if someone isn't prepared to submit to me. Like wise a person can't submit if someone isn't willing to dominate them.

Roles are good, but they live on opposite sides of the same coin and it takes two (sometime more) to get a dynamic working.

Someone else said, "have fun" and you know that's the best advise you'll ever get.

On the kink scene, you'll meet a lot of "personalities" some good, some bad , some loud and some quiet. It, like fab, is a sub culture and there are always quirky.

So yeah to double back to your original questions. Dom/Top/Rigger with an interest in Bondage and speciality in rope. I would like to exercise that part of me more. But I'm lucky to have amazing people in my life that I can share it with and that's the key!

It's about the journey, the destination isn't so important.

Thanks for reading and if you've got this far, your dedication is appreciated.

Be well, be good to each other and take pleasure in all that you do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for a little insight to your world's. It's something that just gets more interesting and enticing, the more you learn, and questions frequently only lead to more questions. I will be inquiring about that get together also.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing. "

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked"

From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked

From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?"

It’s a power exchange. One cannot exist without the other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked

From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?"

Another Pandora's box. I would say, it take two to tango. Also, it's perfectly acceptable and reasonable for a Dom to say no, or call a scene to the end and to have limits.

Play is about negotiation and finding mutual ground.

It's a partnership not a dictatorship by either role

I hope that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked

From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?

It’s a power exchange. One cannot exist without the other. "

Much better than my waffle

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?"

Nay.

Hence why I'm looking for someone stronger. I really do not want to be in charge because that would destroy all sexual chemistry.

I don't think that having set out limits and the option of using a safe word give me power. It is just about safety.

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By *ubbyHedgehogCouple
over a year ago

colchester


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing. "

This is very relatable

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

In my nilla life i am a successful buisness owner and dont suffer fools at all, however i dont submit to any woman, just the odd few that pique my intrest....

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked

From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?"

Not how I see it, I see it as the D/s putting their power in a melting pot. Yes I have power over my own choices prior to a scene. Generally especially in pain oriented scenes I loose sense of pain and go mute (handy combination). It's completely down to M at those times to determine if I'm safe, read my tells and look after me. He weilds the power at those times.

It's power exchange and to me it's exactly that

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked

From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?

Another Pandora's box. I would say, it take two to tango. Also, it's perfectly acceptable and reasonable for a Dom to say no, or call a scene to the end and to have limits.

Play is about negotiation and finding mutual ground.

It's a partnership not a dictatorship by either role

I hope that makes sense?"

That's sort of what I was trying to say. I was suggesting the outside observer would believe all the power is with the Dom, but it's not. The dynamics of pairings will differ, with communication being an essential foundation of any relationship, allowing them to shape their own dynamic.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?

Nay.

Hence why I'm looking for someone stronger. I really do not want to be in charge because that would destroy all sexual chemistry.

I don't think that having set out limits and the option of using a safe word give me power. It is just about safety."

I think you misunderstood me, it was a little clumsy. Only after you've found a trusted Dom (or other) will you hand yourself over. Then only pre agreed limits and boundaries kick in.

I'm not too shit hot at getting what goes on in my noggin into a little box. You may have to bare with me at times.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked

From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?

Not how I see it, I see it as the D/s putting their power in a melting pot. Yes I have power over my own choices prior to a scene. Generally especially in pain oriented scenes I loose sense of pain and go mute (handy combination). It's completely down to M at those times to determine if I'm safe, read my tells and look after me. He weilds the power at those times.

It's power exchange and to me it's exactly that "

I might actually give up on this, I'm clearly not good at explaining things no wonder my kids are constantly looking at me like I'm a numpty

Your explanation is what I was trying to say. I'm learning, slowly, but learning none the less.

Thanks for contributing btw

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


""Sometimes a submissive is a strong person looking for someone stronger"

I saw this meme somewhere and it's a bit cheesy but I can really relate to it. I feel like my strength is the reason why my submission is safe. I'm not vulnerable and can't be taken advantage of. My submission is my choice and it gives me balance.

On the other hand I have huge insecurities but they are actually wiped out when I'm with a dominant partner, one of the reasons why it feels so amazing.

This is a great point. Submission is your choice not something that should ever be forced or faked

From my brief observations, I'd say it's the keystone to all this type of play. The perceived power of a Dom is something of an illusion, the sub holds the key to it and only allows it to be wielded on their terms. Even, or especially in something like CNC and anything pain orientated.

Yay? Nay?

Not how I see it, I see it as the D/s putting their power in a melting pot. Yes I have power over my own choices prior to a scene. Generally especially in pain oriented scenes I loose sense of pain and go mute (handy combination). It's completely down to M at those times to determine if I'm safe, read my tells and look after me. He weilds the power at those times.

It's power exchange and to me it's exactly that

I might actually give up on this, I'm clearly not good at explaining things no wonder my kids are constantly looking at me like I'm a numpty

Your explanation is what I was trying to say. I'm learning, slowly, but learning none the less.

Thanks for contributing btw"

I'm dyslexic so there's a high probability that you said exactly that, but my brain refused to see it as such lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I might actually give up on this, I'm clearly not good at explaining things no wonder my kids are constantly looking at me like I'm a numpty

Your explanation is what I was trying to say. I'm learning, slowly, but learning none the less.

Thanks for contributing btw"

Don't give up. It's a tricky subject and text only communication is always going to add a level of complexity.

You're doing a good job of asking some well thought out questions, take on board the feedback and keep learning

I'm learning from peoples responses

Thank you for posting this and for those responding, epic thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?"

personally I think it's an extension of my personality and the relationship between my wife and I.

Before we knew about bdsm, we were practicing power and control dynamics. It's been a wonderful journey.

Obviously my views on D/s relationships and kink are very skewed by my relationship with my wife. We describe our dynamic as a car we both own. It belongs to both of us equally but I drive. We are equals with different roles.

My wife is not a weak person. She's strong and that's why it works for me. I know she's my equal. I know I need to be the best me to be her dominant.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?

personally I think it's an extension of my personality and the relationship between my wife and I.

Before we knew about bdsm, we were practicing power and control dynamics. It's been a wonderful journey.

Obviously my views on D/s relationships and kink are very skewed by my relationship with my wife. We describe our dynamic as a car we both own. It belongs to both of us equally but I drive. We are equals with different roles.

My wife is not a weak person. She's strong and that's why it works for me. I know she's my equal. I know I need to be the best me to be her dominant. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?

personally I think it's an extension of my personality and the relationship between my wife and I.

Before we knew about bdsm, we were practicing power and control dynamics. It's been a wonderful journey.

Obviously my views on D/s relationships and kink are very skewed by my relationship with my wife. We describe our dynamic as a car we both own. It belongs to both of us equally but I drive. We are equals with different roles.

My wife is not a weak person. She's strong and that's why it works for me. I know she's my equal. I know I need to be the best me to be her dominant. "

I do like the car analogy.

The being your best is possibly what a lot of people, pretenders, don't grasp or appreciate. Going from statuses etc here.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

First lesson we were taught about D/s club is to capitalise how you refer to the D and to not capitalise how you refer to the s!

Never mind about communication, negotiation and consent, keep your D up and your s down!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?

personally I think it's an extension of my personality and the relationship between my wife and I.

Before we knew about bdsm, we were practicing power and control dynamics. It's been a wonderful journey.

Obviously my views on D/s relationships and kink are very skewed by my relationship with my wife. We describe our dynamic as a car we both own. It belongs to both of us equally but I drive. We are equals with different roles.

My wife is not a weak person. She's strong and that's why it works for me. I know she's my equal. I know I need to be the best me to be her dominant.

I do like the car analogy.

The being your best is possibly what a lot of people, pretenders, don't grasp or appreciate. Going from statuses etc here."

I don't like to think of them as pretenders. Maybe they are trying their best. Maybe they feel the need to project an air so others recognise what they are.

I'm blessed that I have my wife. I don't need to advertise or project anything. If no one here sees me as my wife does it makes not one bit of difference to my life. She's sees what I am and that's all that matters.

Others don't have that benefit so I try not to judge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a sub

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"First lesson we were taught about D/s club is to capitalise how you refer to the D and to not capitalise how you refer to the s!

Never mind about communication, negotiation and consent, keep your D up and your s down!

"

It's funny because it's true. I know women who wouldn't capitalise their own names because they were told as subs that was "denied" them.

Foolish nonsense.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"First lesson we were taught about D/s club is to capitalise how you refer to the D and to not capitalise how you refer to the s!

Never mind about communication, negotiation and consent, keep your D up and your s down!

"

Duly noted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?

personally I think it's an extension of my personality and the relationship between my wife and I.

Before we knew about bdsm, we were practicing power and control dynamics. It's been a wonderful journey.

Obviously my views on D/s relationships and kink are very skewed by my relationship with my wife. We describe our dynamic as a car we both own. It belongs to both of us equally but I drive. We are equals with different roles.

My wife is not a weak person. She's strong and that's why it works for me. I know she's my equal. I know I need to be the best me to be her dominant.

"
frieda is one of the smartest people to talk to about kink on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?

personally I think it's an extension of my personality and the relationship between my wife and I.

Before we knew about bdsm, we were practicing power and control dynamics. It's been a wonderful journey.

Obviously my views on D/s relationships and kink are very skewed by my relationship with my wife. We describe our dynamic as a car we both own. It belongs to both of us equally but I drive. We are equals with different roles.

My wife is not a weak person. She's strong and that's why it works for me. I know she's my equal. I know I need to be the best me to be her dominant.

I do like the car analogy.

The being your best is possibly what a lot of people, pretenders, don't grasp or appreciate. Going from statuses etc here.

I don't like to think of them as pretenders. Maybe they are trying their best. Maybe they feel the need to project an air so others recognise what they are.

I'm blessed that I have my wife. I don't need to advertise or project anything. If no one here sees me as my wife does it makes not one bit of difference to my life. She's sees what I am and that's all that matters.

Others don't have that benefit so I try not to judge. "

I was referring to the people posting statuses about how some others approach them, with no understanding of a D/s relationship. No offence or judgment intended, merely an observation.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?

personally I think it's an extension of my personality and the relationship between my wife and I.

Before we knew about bdsm, we were practicing power and control dynamics. It's been a wonderful journey.

Obviously my views on D/s relationships and kink are very skewed by my relationship with my wife. We describe our dynamic as a car we both own. It belongs to both of us equally but I drive. We are equals with different roles.

My wife is not a weak person. She's strong and that's why it works for me. I know she's my equal. I know I need to be the best me to be her dominant.

frieda is one of the smartest people to talk to about kink on here. "

Aw thank you, that's proper made my day coming from you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a newbie to all this lifestyle offers, many aspects intrigue me, none more so than this. I'm interested in people's thoughts about the dynamic and those whom partake. My initial question is, be you a Sub, Dom or switch, is the "role" you inhabit just that, a slightly more in-depth role play, or is it an extension of your personality to which you yield to and set free and reign in when desired?

personally I think it's an extension of my personality and the relationship between my wife and I.

Before we knew about bdsm, we were practicing power and control dynamics. It's been a wonderful journey.

Obviously my views on D/s relationships and kink are very skewed by my relationship with my wife. We describe our dynamic as a car we both own. It belongs to both of us equally but I drive. We are equals with different roles.

My wife is not a weak person. She's strong and that's why it works for me. I know she's my equal. I know I need to be the best me to be her dominant.

I do like the car analogy.

The being your best is possibly what a lot of people, pretenders, don't grasp or appreciate. Going from statuses etc here.

I don't like to think of them as pretenders. Maybe they are trying their best. Maybe they feel the need to project an air so others recognise what they are.

I'm blessed that I have my wife. I don't need to advertise or project anything. If no one here sees me as my wife does it makes not one bit of difference to my life. She's sees what I am and that's all that matters.

Others don't have that benefit so I try not to judge.

I was referring to the people posting statuses about how some others approach them, with no understanding of a D/s relationship. No offence or judgment intended, merely an observation. "
sorry. How arrogant am I?? I didn't even think you were talking about me! And this isn't a comment on you or anyone else here. Just a random thought.

I wasn't trying to be snippy or taking offence. It was just a badly phrased comment on judging others in the kink community.

It's something I have done myself in the past. But i found it's not helpful or inclusive to the community.

How I perceive a submissive or a dominant on a forum (no offence to switches intended as they are perceived as one or the other depending on one's own needs and desires) is irrelevant and superficial. The only time we can truely judge someone's "dominance" or " submissiveness" is when we have a real interaction with them.

I know it can be annoying seeing people posture and pose to get attention on here but until we are feeling the pressures they feel I don't feel I should judge them.

Extreme behaviour is often rewarded online by attention. There is so much noise that dominants and submissives feel the need to stand out so they peacock. It's natural human behaviour.

Maybe if less extreme behaviour is constantly displayed by the leaders of the community (not just here btw) , rather than judgement, maybe the more extreme behaviour will not be as required.

For me, I don't care how the vast majority of people view my "dominance". It has no impact on my life. But I do feel respect is important. I cannot desire respect from others and give none myself to people I don't actually know. So I try to give people who appear to be playing a part the benefit of the doubt.

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