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BBW/SSBBW/Feederism - where is the line? *trigger warning*

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

For those of you who don't know about Feederism - this is the act of feeding your partner so much they become so big that they are essentially bedbound and unable to do things for themselves anymore. Feeders will claim that fat bodies and the sight of someone morbidly obese eating turn them on, but in reality it's having control over someone once you've rendered them unable to essentially have their own independence that gets them off. It's an incredibly dark and scary phenomenon.

Reading some of these threads on here where people are fetishing women (sometimes men too) based on them being of a bigger size sometimes reminds me of that aspect of Feederism that is based on encouraging your partner to be unhealthy for your own gain. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to a bigger body - obviously I'm super fat and I myself appreciate curves on a woman aesthetically - but I've always been a proponent of looking at a person as a whole, not just their size. Some of these threads and the language used on them truly make me uncomfortable, but I feel like if I say something I'll get branded uptight or a snowflake...

I guess I'm finding it hard to articulate my feelings on the subject, especially as I'm a big girl too and am not making a dig at bigger people in any way shape or form - I think everyone deserves to feel sexy in their own skin. But I can't deny the alarming feeling I get whenever someone calls me a BBW and focuses only on that aspect of me, or when I look at one of these threads where it seems like certain people (not just those who think paying big girls compliments will increase their chances with them) are trying to fetishise unhealthiness; should this really be encouraged?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I don’t think it should be encouraged

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I understand what you're saying. I feel uncomfortable sometimes too but the subject is so emotive that it isn't possible to have a rational discussion around it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

And no, it shouldn't be encouraged. Would anyone condone encouraging a partner to have a limb amputated because they have an amputee fetish?

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By *edonisticHandfulWoman
over a year ago

Mansfield

I understand and agree. The question is where is the line between kink shaming and letting each person decide their own path vs actively discouraging such destructive behaviours. Ultimately each to their own, but I can't say it's something I understand.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I mixed feelings on it to be honest. Nobody should be encouraged to make unhealthy life style choices. Be it eating, drinking or anything else. But I also believe everyone deserves to feel desired and beautiful regardless of their size.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Control of that nature is never acceptable in a relationship in my opinion

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I understand and agree. The question is where is the line between kink shaming and letting each person decide their own path vs actively discouraging such destructive behaviours. Ultimately each to their own, but I can't say it's something I understand. "

Yes this is why I refrain from posting my feelings on those types of threads. It seems like everyone posting on it is partaking in and enjoying that kind of behaviour, whereas from an outsider's perspective it could be seen as quite destructive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Control of that nature is never acceptable in a relationship in my opinion"

Absolutely. The thing is that it's so easy to pass off as just paying compliments etc. The person on the receiving end just feels loved and appreciated and quite often doesn't realise they're being controlled.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I think it's a bit of a leap going from someone saying they like big women to them being a feeder.

I've been on here 12 years almost, always big. Always attended and run bbw nights and not once have I felt any kind of pressure or had anyone contact me saying i should get bigger or that they would like to feed me up.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Maybe I have been lucky, but I feel your post makes it sound like it happens a lot on here. I may of course be incorrect and mis interpreting it, in which case I apologise.

I do agree that the feeder fetish is dangerous and a form of manipulation and control by the feeder with little to no concern about the long term damage it can do to the feedee. I also think that for a small minority of outlying women in the bbw/plus size communities the attention that they get and the high that gives them may lead to them believing that being bigger and bigger is what they want. In fact there was a story about a woman who was trying to become that fattest woman who then suddenly realised how unhealthy that was and so completely changed her life.

Some people are so vulnerable and needy of attention and notoriety that they get blinded to real life.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Control of that nature is never acceptable in a relationship in my opinion

Absolutely. The thing is that it's so easy to pass off as just paying compliments etc. The person on the receiving end just feels loved and appreciated and quite often doesn't realise they're being controlled. "

My personal opinion is that there's quite a difference between the coercive kind of behaviour you're talking about and appreciation of a fuller figure. I do sometimes think when people boast about their poor diet irl.

I have also known men and women who restrict their partner's eating because they want them to be a size (insert small size here) or they'll leave them/find them unnatractive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it's a bit of a leap going from someone saying they like big women to them being a feeder.

I've been on here 12 years almost, always big. Always attended and run bbw nights and not once have I felt any kind of pressure or had anyone contact me saying i should get bigger or that they would like to feed me up.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Maybe I have been lucky, but I feel your post makes it sound like it happens a lot on here. I may of course be incorrect and mis interpreting it, in which case I apologise.

I do agree that the feeder fetish is dangerous and a form of manipulation and control by the feeder with little to no concern about the long term damage it can do to the feedee. I also think that for a small minority of outlying women in the bbw/plus size communities the attention that they get and the high that gives them may lead to them believing that being bigger and bigger is what they want. In fact there was a story about a woman who was trying to become that fattest woman who then suddenly realised how unhealthy that was and so completely changed her life.

Some people are so vulnerable and needy of attention and notoriety that they get blinded to real life. "

Yeah I probably didn't articulate myself properly. When talking about a sensitive subject it's always difficult to know what to leave in/out, but I really appreciate people's objective thoughts on the matter so far.

Personally, I've had experience of multiple guys tell me to stop losing weight/getting healthy. Mainly because they think my boobs will get smaller

On the threads, no I've never seen anyone encourage others to eat, but I've definitely seen comments that prey on others' insecurities. But again, that may be the way I'm interpreting it.

As for BBW nights, I've never been to one so can't speak to what goes on there =)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

On the threads, no I've never seen anyone encourage others to eat, but I've definitely seen comments that prey on others' insecurities. But again, that may be the way I'm interpreting it.

As for BBW nights, I've never been to one so can't speak to what goes on there =) "

That kind of bitchiness from men and women goes on all the time in every area of life. It often is aimed at what a person perceives to be another's insecurity. For instance I will often have barbed comments about my age directed towards me or other attributes that I possess. In very many cases it's more about their insecurities. That is also the motive behind a lot of controlling behaviour. If she's/he's too fat to move she can't leave me. Someone we know "asked" his wife to take some new clothes back because they were too fashionable...ie made her look more attractive

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

On the threads, no I've never seen anyone encourage others to eat, but I've definitely seen comments that prey on others' insecurities. But again, that may be the way I'm interpreting it.

As for BBW nights, I've never been to one so can't speak to what goes on there =)

That kind of bitchiness from men and women goes on all the time in every area of life. It often is aimed at what a person perceives to be another's insecurity. For instance I will often have barbed comments about my age directed towards me or other attributes that I possess. In very many cases it's more about their insecurities. That is also the motive behind a lot of controlling behaviour. If she's/he's too fat to move she can't leave me. Someone we know "asked" his wife to take some new clothes back because they were too fashionable...ie made her look more attractive "

That's terrible, I'm sorry to hear you've been getting those kinds of comments

By "preying" though I meant more like taking advantage. For example complimenting certain aspects that someone's shown insecurities about in order to curry sexual favour or, in a relationship, gain control.

Obviously can't use real life examples I've seen on the forums but imagine someone wanting to change their lifestyle to be healthier and as a by-product their body would also change. Then someone else saying "no, you shouldn't do that because I like your body the way it is". Might not be overt Feederism but that encouragement to stay unhealthy and not make changes is there. So my OP was just asking about where you would draw that line?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

The line is when you are being stopped by guilt or pressure to not loose weight if you want to.

For example if I say I want to loose weight because I'm fat and ugly, of course my friends will say of course you're not. However, if I say I want to loose weight because of health benefits they will support me.

My ex didn't want me to loose weight because he thought others would find me more attractive. M on the other hand doesn't give a monkeys what size I am as long as I'm happy in myself. He supports me regardless of my appearance

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

On the threads, no I've never seen anyone encourage others to eat, but I've definitely seen comments that prey on others' insecurities. But again, that may be the way I'm interpreting it.

As for BBW nights, I've never been to one so can't speak to what goes on there =)

That kind of bitchiness from men and women goes on all the time in every area of life. It often is aimed at what a person perceives to be another's insecurity. For instance I will often have barbed comments about my age directed towards me or other attributes that I possess. In very many cases it's more about their insecurities. That is also the motive behind a lot of controlling behaviour. If she's/he's too fat to move she can't leave me. Someone we know "asked" his wife to take some new clothes back because they were too fashionable...ie made her look more attractive

That's terrible, I'm sorry to hear you've been getting those kinds of comments

By "preying" though I meant more like taking advantage. For example complimenting certain aspects that someone's shown insecurities about in order to curry sexual favour or, in a relationship, gain control.

Obviously can't use real life examples I've seen on the forums but imagine someone wanting to change their lifestyle to be healthier and as a by-product their body would also change. Then someone else saying "no, you shouldn't do that because I like your body the way it is". Might not be overt Feederism but that encouragement to stay unhealthy and not make changes is there. So my OP was just asking about where you would draw that line? "

It's water off a duck's back to me

People will always and have always played on insecurities to get sex. I think the best we can do is be wary of it ourselves.

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By *luttonousGirlTV/TS
over a year ago

Burnhope

I enjoy gaining weight and I consider myself as a gainer. I'll be actively trying to grow bigger regardless of if I have a feeder or not. Have you considered that some of these people like being fat and gaining weight and not just this morbid idea of people force feeding eachother and controlling someone

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By *luttonousGirlTV/TS
over a year ago

Burnhope

So long as everything is consensual between everyone I don't see how any of this is a problem

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

This is assuming the feedee is a powerless sub who just going to succumb to the thoughts and pressure of the feeder.

Some feedees get turned on by stuffing themselves. They actively encourage their feeders and the feeder can be the sub and service the lady by buying or giving her food.

I obviously like big women, and yes I do like to cook and eat food with women. But I wouldn't label myself as a feeder. I just think big women look fab. The eating process or the weighing scales has no impact on me.

So of they're into it and there's no coercion, then have at it I say.

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By *luttonousGirlTV/TS
over a year ago

Burnhope

I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. I admit some encouragement would be nice to help me get there but for the most of my transformation journey I've been doing it unaided and will continue to do so until I'm happy with my body image

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. "

This really does not sound psychologically healthy

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. I admit some encouragement would be nice to help me get there but for the most of my transformation journey I've been doing it unaided and will continue to do so until I'm happy with my body image "

Out of interest, what appeals to you about this kind of lifestyle?

I've never been bedbound myself but I've been at the point where I've cancelled social events because my friends wanted to do physicals things that I knew I'd be too unfit for and it felt absolutely shit.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. I admit some encouragement would be nice to help me get there but for the most of my transformation journey I've been doing it unaided and will continue to do so until I'm happy with my body image "

May I ask why you want to become bedbound and immobile? Guess having spent time due to ill health of being in such a predicament, I don't understand the positives.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. I admit some encouragement would be nice to help me get there but for the most of my transformation journey I've been doing it unaided and will continue to do so until I'm happy with my body image

May I ask why you want to become bedbound and immobile? Guess having spent time due to ill health of being in such a predicament, I don't understand the positives. "

This is exactly what I was about to write. I found it horrific.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a clear line between having a preference and control, bbw or whatever term you want to use, I prefer larger ladies, theyre my type, you might say, but I would never control what someone does or doesn't eat, that's not healthy in anyway shape or form.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. I admit some encouragement would be nice to help me get there but for the most of my transformation journey I've been doing it unaided and will continue to do so until I'm happy with my body image

May I ask why you want to become bedbound and immobile? Guess having spent time due to ill health of being in such a predicament, I don't understand the positives.

This is exactly what I was about to write. I found it horrific. "

Me too my mental health took and absolute beating. It happened twice in my life in my early 30's and 40's and I hope never to endure it again.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. I admit some encouragement would be nice to help me get there but for the most of my transformation journey I've been doing it unaided and will continue to do so until I'm happy with my body image

May I ask why you want to become bedbound and immobile? Guess having spent time due to ill health of being in such a predicament, I don't understand the positives.

This is exactly what I was about to write. I found it horrific.

Me too my mental health took and absolute beating. It happened twice in my life in my early 30's and 40's and I hope never to endure it again. "

My biggest fear for the future is that the next time it happens to me will be permanent. It's been 4 times so far and like you, my mental health took a beating.

I cannot understand how anyone would choose that for themselves. This may sound harsh and far too graphic, but when you rely on someone else to make sure you don't soil your bed, I don't see how that's ever a good thing.

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By *luttonousGirlTV/TS
over a year ago

Burnhope


"I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. I admit some encouragement would be nice to help me get there but for the most of my transformation journey I've been doing it unaided and will continue to do so until I'm happy with my body image

Out of interest, what appeals to you about this kind of lifestyle?

I've never been bedbound myself but I've been at the point where I've cancelled social events because my friends wanted to do physicals things that I knew I'd be too unfit for and it felt absolutely shit. "

For me the most attractive qualities include feeling weighted down, the way rolls folds and the belly apron taking up so much space spilling out on my lap. The size and softness is having more to cuddle up with and love. The way I jiggle and wobble around uncontrollably whenever I move. For me it's equally a thing of comfort as much as it is sexually.

Though for one I break many of the feeder/feeder stereotypes. I'm Trans, not a submissive (switch but mostly top) and I don't have any attraction to men and refused to be controlled by anybody

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I for one would love to be bedbound and immobile. I admit some encouragement would be nice to help me get there but for the most of my transformation journey I've been doing it unaided and will continue to do so until I'm happy with my body image

May I ask why you want to become bedbound and immobile? Guess having spent time due to ill health of being in such a predicament, I don't understand the positives.

This is exactly what I was about to write. I found it horrific.

Me too my mental health took and absolute beating. It happened twice in my life in my early 30's and 40's and I hope never to endure it again.

My biggest fear for the future is that the next time it happens to me will be permanent. It's been 4 times so far and like you, my mental health took a beating.

I cannot understand how anyone would choose that for themselves. This may sound harsh and far too graphic, but when you rely on someone else to make sure you don't soil your bed, I don't see how that's ever a good thing."

Yep that feeling of powerlessness and relying on others is just horrible. I hope neither of us will have to endure it again x

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