FabSwingers.com forum: New relationships and children

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all,

Pretty new to this and seems a bit silly but hopefully someone might have some advice.

At what point does a new relationship take over from an old one with regard to children.

As in do you put in restrictions of seeing your kids, for the chance at what could be a very good new relationship????

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

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By *aughty island coupleCouple
over a year ago

Portland dorset

Your children come first

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ? "

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you need to be clearer about what you mean.

Do you mean that a marriage has broken down and it's time to split to be in a new relationship, thus restricting the constant access you once had to your children?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say it's not a very good relationship if you're expected to sacrifice time with your children for it.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship."

That’s why I asked, as could be read both ways and just badly worded

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship."

Ah, I see.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

As in a romantic relationship? It’s down to individual circumstances but maybe 4 months onwards? When you know it’s actually going somewhere and have built up trust and REALLY gotten to know the other person.

That’s just my point of view, I’m sure others will feel different.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship.

That’s why I asked, as could be read both ways and just badly worded "

I know, hence my cautious 'I think' reply

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship.

That’s why I asked, as could be read both ways and just badly worded

I know, hence my cautious 'I think' reply

We await a response

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship.

That’s why I asked, as could be read both ways and just badly worded

I know, hence my cautious 'I think' reply

Reading the OP again, it does sound like you're right.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I'd say it's not a very good relationship if you're expected to sacrifice time with your children for it. "

Not necessarily. If it’s a new relationship but you’re not ready to introduce them to the children yet, then it’s not about it not being a good relationship, just one that needs time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship."

Yes sorry this is what i meant.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

When I met my ex-husband he had two sons from a previous relationship. I watched to see how he treated his ex and his children.

He told me he had his son's most weekends and not once did he bad mouth his ex.

If he had sacrificed time with his kids to spend with me I'd have kicked him to the kerb.

Sorry, any person willing to sacrifice their flesh and blood for sex is pretty shitty in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The relationship with a new partner is entirely separate from the one with your children. They come first in priority and time and even more so if they're still dealing with their parents splitting. Why do the two parts of your life need to crossover? I wouldn't introduce a new partner for 6-12 months. And I certainly wouldn't let my time with my kids be affected. My ex did the opposite and his relationship with his kids is very damaged.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"As in a romantic relationship? It’s down to individual circumstances but maybe 4 months onwards? When you know it’s actually going somewhere and have built up trust and REALLY gotten to know the other person.

That’s just my point of view, I’m sure others will feel different."

I think I may have gotten the wrong end of the stick. I wouldn’t put spending time with someone over spending time with my children. You work alongside, you can split your time.

Kids are forever, romantic relationships? Not so much.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship.

Yes sorry this is what i meant."

In that case OP, then no.

In my opinion time with the children comes first, you don’t mess around with the times you are supposed to see them for a new partner. Any new partner should respect and understand that, if they don’t it’s an easy tara

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By *exy4youxxWoman
over a year ago

Pontefract

"Do you mean the other person in the relationship meeting your kids ?

I think he means putting the person he hopes to be his next life partner first, over spending time with his children for a while, investing into the new relationship.

Yes sorry this is what i meant."

Your kids should always come first any lady should respect this and make allowances if they really want you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thankyou.

That is all what i was thinking, just sometimes you need to hear it from other people.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"When I met my ex-husband he had two sons from a previous relationship. I watched to see how he treated his ex and his children.

He told me he had his son's most weekends and not once did he bad mouth his ex.

If he had sacrificed time with his kids to spend with me I'd have kicked him to the kerb.

Sorry, any person willing to sacrifice their flesh and blood for sex is pretty shitty in my opinion."

Same as this, I saw an ex prioritising even his social life over seeing his kids when I tried to encourage him doing stuff with them, then moaning about his ex ... gradually lost all respect and things peetered out.

Hopefully you'll find the right partner who you don't need to sacrifice anything for x

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

That’s just my point of view, I’m sure others will feel different.

I think I may have gotten the wrong end of the stick. I wouldn’t put spending time with someone over spending time with my children. You work alongside, you can split your time.

Kids are forever, romantic relationships? Not so much."

Pretty much, yes.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Hi all,

Pretty new to this and seems a bit silly but hopefully someone might have some advice.

At what point does a new relationship take over from an old one with regard to children.

As in do you put in restrictions of seeing your kids, for the chance at what could be a very good new relationship????"

I don't think a new relationship can ever be more important than your own children.

Also, imagine if you put in restrictions on seeing your kids, they were hurt and upset and stopped wanting to see you and then your new relationship breaks down. You have lost your kids and gained nothing.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

As someone without kids and often finding that anyone I could meet would have kids already, if she was to decide that seeing me when she would normally have the kids I'd be making sure she had a lot of time on her hands to spend with her kids as I'd be walking away.

If you've got kids then they come first, it's as simple as that and anyone who would expect you to drop your kids for them isn't worth the air they breathe.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Depends I think if you have your children full time or not. You are allowed to find time for yourself as a single parent, be that find time to go to the gym or meet up with friends. In my opinion there is no point running yourself into the ground or not looking after your mental health, it will not make your children happier in the long run.

If you share custody with the children's other parent. Then it's in the time they are with them is when you put energy into your new relationship. Yes it's hard, you may not be able to do everything you want to do, or your new relationship may take longer to establish but that is the way it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You children need to feel their dad is still there for them, consistently. They need you and it builds a solid sense of security in them.

An adult should be aware of that and the choice should be hers to accept that it is part of your life that the children come first or that she would rather be in a relationship where she is the priority. There is no fault in that but the choice is hers to make. Yours is a simple one.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"Thankyou.

That is all what i was thinking, just sometimes you need to hear it from other people."

Aw, glad we were helpful sounding boards. Good luck with your new relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never put restrictions in place when it comes to seeing children. If a new relationship cannot be built around them then it's not a relationship I would want.

They grow up so fast, blink and you'll miss it.

Fair warning, they will remember.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends I think if you have your children full time or not. You are allowed to find time for yourself as a single parent, be that find time to go to the gym or meet up with friends. In my opinion there is no point running yourself into the ground or not looking after your mental health, it will not make your children happier in the long run.

Excellent.

It really does depend on the circumstances. Are you a widower? How often do you see your children? DO they live with you, and so on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Seperated at the start of the year and my daughter lives with her mum.

I see her as often as i can at the moment.

I started a new relationship which has since broke down because the new lady thought i was priortising my dauhter over our relationship (she also has a daughter, who does not see her dad).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seperated at the start of the year and my daughter lives with her mum.

I see her as often as i can at the moment.

I started a new relationship which has since broke down because the new lady thought i was priortising my dauhter over our relationship (she also has a daughter, who does not see her dad)."

I'm sorry to hear that.

It is probably better in the long run. She knows what she wanted and that's not a reflection on her. Your daughter comes first. Patience. You're freshly single but your daughter's world has changed. She needs you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd say it's not a very good relationship if you're expected to sacrifice time with your children for it.

Not necessarily. If it’s a new relationship but you’re not ready to introduce them to the children yet, then it’s not about it not being a good relationship, just one that needs time"

I read it as choosing not to spend time with the children in favour of cultivating the new relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seperated at the start of the year and my daughter lives with her mum.

I see her as often as i can at the moment.

I started a new relationship which has since broke down because the new lady thought i was priortising my dauhter over our relationship (she also has a daughter, who does not see her dad)."

Then that lady was not for you. Never compromise spending time with your daughter for anyone...Children absolutely come first.

I have dated Dad's and the amount of cancels, dates cut short have been many, but you take it and to me it shows the measure of a man.

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

This is a tough conundrum that many would say out and out - childern first.

But as a person who has been in this position. You have to think about what is right for your own mental state.

"Put your own mask on in the plane before you help others"

You still have to look after number one.

If that means you give up some time with you childern then it has to be that way.

In the end you will be better and the children will be better for it.

I hated not seeing my childern every single day.

I hated the split of the relationship I previously had. But new it had to be done for the good of my health and future relationship with my childern.

I now have wife, an incredibly strong relationship, a stable mind and an amazing relationship with my childern.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

I never understand why this topic is so often viewed in extremes and absolutes. Surely it is about balance and usually date time and kids time are at different times of the day and don't interfere.

Someone who neglects spending time with kids would do this for any reason, for example work.

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

"Seperated at the start of the year and my daughter lives with her mum.

I see her as often as i can at the moment.

I started a new relationship which has since broke down because the new lady thought i was priortising my dauhter over our relationship (she also has a daughter, who does not see her dad)."

Sounds like it was for the best in the long run. As your daughter gets older you’ll have more time and hopefully your next partner will be more understanding. I’ve seen the damage putting a new partner first can do and kids don’t forget it, even when they’re grown up.

I also know having been brought up by a step dad since I was a teen, that done well, it can work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Seperated at the start of the year and my daughter lives with her mum.

I see her as often as i can at the moment.

I started a new relationship which has since broke down because the new lady thought i was priortising my dauhter over our relationship (she also has a daughter, who does not see her dad)."

You made the right choice because you should prioritise your daughter over someone you've just met. Her daughter's father didn't and now she refuses to stay with him. Your daughter needs you to show that she's your number 1 priority.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should read MY daughter's father.

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