FabSwingers.com forum: Cheesy dad jokes needed!

By *arty84 OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

Hey guys,

I'm having one of those days...weeks? If anyone has any terrible dad or cheesy jokes they can share, I would love to hear them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call Bears with no ears?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you search jokes, there’s a few threads with lots of brilliant (terrible

) jokes.

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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I have a joke about paper .. it's tearable....

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

An English man, a french man, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands on a wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me, now?"

"Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja."

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

A man walks into a zoo.

The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

It´s a ShihTzu!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field

My local DJ is a scarecrow. He goes by the name ‘Turnip da Beet’

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

I made a bet with my butcher the other day, I said to him "I bet you can't reach that meat on the top shelf"

He replied "I can't, the steaks are too high"

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.

I really had to do a double take on that. Very good

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.

I really had to do a double take on that. Very good

Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The other day could I buggery fasten my seat belt and then it clicked

cheesy or what

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By *im75Her77Couple
over a year ago

937 S.W.

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

I was watching an object fall from the sky, it was approaching me rapidly.

And I wondered what it was.

Then it hit me.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon?

Great food, but the atmosphere just isn't there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bnag

That’s bang out of order

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

Ohh wordplay jokes.

Tea is for Mugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My new sat nav is brilliant. I was passing a zoo and it told me "bear left on the next juncton"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why should you never have a fight with a red piece of tarmac?

Because it’s a cycle path

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you heard the joke about the wheelie bin?

Well, It’s a load of rubbish.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross

...but those that sell you fruit and veg are grocer!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A horse walks into a bar.....ouch.

A man walks into a bar. Barman says "why the long face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Four nuns die and reach the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter is there next to a font of holy water.

When the first nun stands before him, Peter asks, "Have you committed any sin, my child?" The nun replies, "I am ashamed to admit it, but I once looked upon a penis." Peter says, "It is alright, child. Wash your eyes with holy water and your sin will be absolved." The nun dips her face in the font holy water to wash her eyes and she is allowed in.

When the second nun stands before him, Peter asks, "Have you committed any sin, my child?" The nun replies, "I am ashamed to admit it, but I once touched a penis." Peter says, "It is alright, child. Wash your hands with holy water and your sin will be absolved." The nun dips her hands in the font of holy water to wash them and she is allowed in.

At that moment, Peter becomes aware of a shuffling noise, and then notices one of the two remaining nuns pushing her way forward, pushing aside the other. Frowning at her impatience, Peter asks, "what is it with all this rushing and pushing? Why did you push Sister Mary out of the way?”. The impatient nun breathlessly replies: "I want to gargle the water before Sister Mary has to stick her ass in there!”

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

Man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder. The barman says "Nice lizard. What's his name?" The man replies "Tiny". Barman asks "Why'd you call him that?" Man says "Cos he's my newt"

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"An English man, a french man, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands on a wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me, now?"

"Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja.""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy goes to the doctors with a wombat growing out of his head.

The doctor says "wow, how did that happen?"

The wombat replies " it started off as a boil on my bum".

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By *hisCharManMan
over a year ago

South Manchester

How do the cheese paint his wife?

He Double Gloucester!

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By *ickyRoosterMan
over a year ago

Uppendown

I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today. Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink (stolen from a previous thread but makes me giggle)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bloke calls his mate, the horse breeder, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'

So, the dwarf shows up, and the breeder asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

'A female horth.'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'

So the breeder picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'

The breeder is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twot?'

Totally mad at this point, the breeder grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's backside, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

'Perhapth I should rephwase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'

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